Interpersonal Relationship Skills A classroom discussion - Basanta Raj Sigdel.
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Transcript of Interpersonal Relationship Skills A classroom discussion - Basanta Raj Sigdel.
Interpersonal Relationship SkillsA classroom discussion
- Basanta Raj Sigdel
AgendaInterpersonal role of a managerDimensions of interpersonal relationshipRole of communication in IPRPower of active listeningSelf assessment: Some models in practice
Communication styleTransactional analysisJohari window model
Interpersonal role of manager FigureheadLeader Liaison ……………………….
Your viewpointWhen someone forgets your name, how
does it make you feel? Are you affected or offended in any way?
If you see someone whom you met before, but forget the person’s name, do you think it’s better to ask for the name again or not admit that you’ve forgotten?
Your viewpoint If you’re being treated badly in a
relationship and you don’t express your dissatisfaction to the other person, would you say you’re equally responsible for the mistreatment?
Interpersonal relationshipReciprocal social and emotional
interaction between two or more individuals in an environment
Close association between individuals who share common interests and goal
Forms of IPRFriendshipFamily and kinshipProfessional relationship Love MarriagePlatonic relationshipCasual relationship Brotherhood and sisterhoodAcquaintances
IPR for an individualPersonal growth and developmentGrowth and enjoymentSense of securityContext of understanding Interpersonal needsEstablishing personal identity
IPR for a manager/leaderUnderstanding selfBuilding a positive functional
multidisciplinary teamImproving intra and/or inter team
communication, coordination and cooperation
Improved decision making and problem solving
Communication is the KEYCommunication is the lifeline of any
relationship. Without it, the relationship will starve to its death.
- Elizabeth Bourgeret
You can change your world by changing your words... Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.
- Joel Osteen
Communication is the KEYHalf the world is composed of people who
have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.
- Robert Frost
To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.
- Will Durant
The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.
- George Bernard Shaw
How does communication fail?
Let’s shareThink of any moment, incident in your
professional /personal life where you think that interpersonal communication seriously broken down (intentionally or unintentionally) and you had an important lesson for your life.
Share briefly in the plenary
Interpersonal Relationship
Empathythe ability to stand in another’s
shoes, to feel what it’s like there and to care about making it better if it hurts.
a hypothesis we make about another person based on a combination of visceral, emotional, and cognitive information...an attempt to experience the inner life of another while retaining objectivity.
Six habits of empathic peopleCultivate curiosity about strangersChallenge prejudices and explore
commonalitiesTry another person’s lifeListen hard and open upInspire mass action and social changeDevelop an ambitious imagination
- Kriznaric(2012)
Assertiveness Enables an individual to act in
his or her best interests without denying or infringing upon the rights of others
Allows people to speak their minds without hurting or threatening others
Allows people to express anger or disappointment without acting aggressively
Assertive communicators…are open about their feelingsare not anxious; deal with stressful
situations calmlyare contentious; stand up and argue for
their rights even if this might entail a certain disagreement or conflict
are not intimidated and are not easily persuaded by others
Developing assertivenessAcknowledge that people are responsible for their
own behaviorExpress negative thoughts and feelings in a healthy
and positive mannerIdentify your needs and wants, and ask for them to be
satisfiedValue yourself and your rightsReceive criticism and compliments positivelyLearn to say "No" when you need to- the key to
assertiveness
1 Minute Exercise List as much people as you can who you
would like mostList as much people as you can who you
dislike most
Transactional Analysis A transaction is any interaction or
communication between two people How people say something is just as
important as what is said People send and receive messages
out of and into their different ego states
Parent Adult Child
Our Ego StatesWe have three ego states or personality
aspects
The ParentLife as it is taughtUnconsciously acting in
similar ways to our parents
Nurturing: permission, security, guidance
Critical: controlling
The ParentA frown or stern look.Pointing of the index finger.Arms folded as to say “what are you doing?”Uses phrases like; “you should,” “you ought
to,” “that is right!”Words such as; sympathizing, punishing.
moralizing, judging, giving orders, criticizing.
The AdultLife as it is thoughtLiving in the
present and responding to situations through rational thought.
The AdultStraight forward facial expression.Active listener, eyes blink every 3 to 5
seconds showing attention.Speaks of probabilities.Uses phrases like; “In my opinion,”
“Based on what I have observed,” “So far the facts seem to indicate.”
The ChildLife as it is feltUnconsciously
reverting to childhood behavioursPrimitiveImpulsiveDemanding Creative
The ChildSmiling, laughing, having fun.Soft tone of voice.Crying, having tantrums, getting into
trouble.Childlike facial expressions.Uses words/phrases like; “Wow!,”
“hurray!,” “I wish,” “I feel.”
Complementary Transactions Question: ‘What time is it?’
Answer: ‘Three o’clock.’
Crossed Transactions Question: ‘What time is it?’
Answer: ‘Forget about what time it is, get that report finished.’
Ulterior Transactions Question: ‘What time is it?’
Answer: ‘What time do you think it is?’
Question: ‘Hundred o’clock?’
Answer: ‘Exactly!’
Positive responsePraisePositive feedbackComplimentsExpressions of appreciationGood reports
Negative responseNon-constructive criticismNegative judgementsInsultsExpressions of disapprovalBad reports
Life PositionsI’m not OK, you’re not OK
‘This is terrible, we’ll never succeed’
Life PositionsI’m not OK, you’re OK
‘I wish I could do it as well as you do’
Life PositionsI’m OK, you’re not OK
‘You’re not doing it right, let me show you’
Life PositionsI’m OK, you’re OK
‘We’re making good progress here’
It is not the voice that commands the story; it is the ear.
- Italo Calvino
The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.
- Peter Drucker
Worth of listening
Thought of the hour
The biggest communication problem is we do not listen
to understand.
We listen to reply.
Mode of communication
Formal yearsof training
Percentage of time used
Writing 12 years 9%
Reading 6-8 years 16 %
Speaking 1-2 years 30%
Listening 0-few hours
45%
% time in communication modes
Active Listening Requires…Definite Intent to ListenFocus on the SpeakerVerbal and Non-Verbal EncouragersFeedback Loop to Insure Accuracy
Active Listening (3 Steps)1. Listen
2. Question
3. Reflect-Paraphrase
Step 1: ListenTo feelings as well as words
Words – emotions - implications
Focus on speakerDon’t plan, speak, or get distracted
What is speaker talking about?Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others?
Look at speakerUse verbal & non-verbal encouragers
Step 2: Question3 Purposes
Demonstrates you are listeningGather informationClarification
Open-endedTell me more?How did you feel?Then what happened?
Step 3: Reflect-ParaphraseReflect what is said (in your words)Reflect feelingsReframe
Capture the essence of the communication
Remove negative framingMove toward problem solving
THE JOHARI WINDOW MODEL
Known to All Known to Self Only
Known to Others only
Hidden
Joseph Luft, Harry Ingham(1955), A graphic model for Interpersonal Relationship- University of California, Western Lab.
Known to all Known to
Self only
Known to Others only Hidden
Known to all Known to
Self only
Known to Others only Hidden
FE
ED
BA
CK
PR
OC
ES
S
SHARING PROCESS
Barriers to IPR
Sustainable RelationshipCompatibilityCaring Commitment CompromiseConstructive disagreement