Improved Parenting, Relationships, and Work

ALCA Presentation: Healing AttachmentWounds

11/20/2015

Michelle Pruett, LPC 1

Improved Parenting, Relationships, and Workthrough

Michelle Pruett, LPCPruett Counseling and Consulting

Overview: About Me

About You

About This Training

Handouts: www.pruettcounseling.com/blog

Topics We’ll Cover

o Defining Attachment

o Attachment Styles

o Impact of Attachment

o Healing


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Attachment:

is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one personto another across time and space (Ainsworth, 1973; Bowlby,1969)

begins when we are infants

is shaped by our interactions with caregivers

describes how people manage close relationships in

order to feel secure


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Attachment Style Determines:

How secure we feel taking risks and growingand developing as a person.

The degree to which we trust others and arevulnerable to others.

What causes us stress and how we reactto stress.

Ideal Attachment:

Gives children a secure “home base” fromwhich they venture to explore the world andreturn when needed.

Allows adults to balance intimacy withindependence.


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Att

ach

me

nt

Avo

ida

nce

Attachment Anxiety

Secure (Earned Secure)

Dismissing/Avoidant

Preoccupied/Ambivalent

Fearful/Disorganized

Attachment Over Time Style: Secure Secure

Parental Style: Attuned to child’semotions; aligned with child

Adult Characteristics: Can create meaningfulrelationships; empathic; sets appropriate boundaries

EARNED Secure Attachment: Adults who becomesecurely attached as adults despite not having secureattachment as children.


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Attachment Over TimeStyle: Avoidant Dismissing

Parental Style: Unavailable or

Rejecting

Adult Characteristics: Avoids closeness oremotional connection; distant; critical; rigid;intolerant

Attachment Over Time

Style: Ambivalent Preoccupied

Parental Style: Inconsistent and SometimesIntrusive

Adult Characteristics: Anxious and insecure;controlling; blaming; erratic; unpredictable;sometimes charming


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Attachment Over Time

Style: Fearful Disorganized

Parental Style: Ignored or didn’t see child’sneeds; Frightening/traumatizing

Adult Characteristics: Chaotic; insensitive;explosive; abusive; untrusting even whilecraving security

Assessing Attachment:

Formal: Adult Attachment Interview

Informal: Describe your mother/father; Talk about storiesfrom your past Can they recall stories? Are they idealized? How much detail? Are they taking the audience/question into account? Can they relay pertinent information without becoming lost?

Informal: How much information have I gathered at thehalfway mark of an intake session?


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Worko Attachment style linked to leadership, trust, satisfaction, and

performance in the workplace (Harms, 2011).

o Secure attachment orientation at work positively related to self-esteem, emotional intelligence, extraversion, agreeableness, andconscientiousness and statistically predictive of positive jobperformance (Neustadt, Chamorro-Premuzic, and Furnham, 2011)

o Avoidant attachment negatively correlated with civility, psychologicalsafety, and trust. Attachment anxiety correlated with workplaceincivility, exhaustion, and cynicism. (Leiter, Day, and Price, 2015)


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Relationshipso Who We Choose

o How Relationships Progress

o How We Respond When Relationships End

o How We Manage Closeness; Independence; Proximity

Parentingo Affection and Comfort

o Discipline

o Repeating Patterns


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Skills of Earned Security:

Mentalizing (The ability to think reflectively)

Narrative Coherence (The ability to tell a personal story well)

Interpersonal Effectiveness


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Skills of Earned Security: Mentalizing (The ability to think reflectively)

o Reflect on own thoughts and feelings without just reacting to them

o Curiosity about inner life

o Similar curiosity and openness about what other people are thinking

Skills of Earned Security: Narrative Coherence (The ability to tell a personal story well)

o Give listener context and details they need to understand the story

o Keep the thread of the story so that someone else can follow

o Express emotions effectively without being undone by them

o Use appropriate illustrations


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Skills of Earned Security: Interpersonal Effectiveness

o Take action – Knowing what to do and doing it

Ways to Earn Security: Relationships with Others

o Safe

o Reciprocal

o Consistent

o Boundaries

o Healthy Balance of Closeness and Independence


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Ways to Earn Security: Therapy

o Safety

o Learn/Practice Mentalizing and Cohesive Narrative

o Modelling Good Boundaries

Ways to Earn Security:

Independent Work

o Journaling/Reflecting on Personal Narrative

o Understanding of Early Attachment Figures

o Raising Self-Awareness

o Selecting Healthy Relationships


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Working With Clients to Improve Attachment

Motivation: If attachment style doesn’t disrupt their life,there’s no need to “fix” them

For all styles:o Look at the range of relationships, including work, romantic,

friendships, family of origin, and parenting

o Examine the lens through which they see relationships

Attachment:

A word about “Attachment Therapy”

Techniques versus Philosophyo Attunement

o Balance

o Context


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Dismissing/Avoidanto Establish Safety First

o Help Them Accept Care

o Encourage Insight

o Pacing is Important


Preoccupied/Ambivalento Caring but Firm Boundaries (“Boundaries are not Rejection”)

o Ability to Be in the Moment (Grounding)


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Fearful/Disorganizedo High Consistency

o Firm Boundaries

o Accept the Feelings; Label the Behaviors

o Expect Push-Pull

Michelle Pruett, LPCPruett Counseling and Consulting

[email protected]

Improved Parenting, Relationships, and Work

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