PA R E N T I N G PA R T N E R S : P R A C T I C A L TO O L S F O R P O S I T I V E PA R E N T I N G

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc.; www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

LISTENING

2.3

Identity Builders

Say “I love you” every day, and give

your child hugs!

Give children focused attention rather than always multitasking.

Provide opportunities for your children to explore their interests.

Do special things with each individual child.

Give your child choices.

Invite your child’s opinions and ideas.

Give your child a personal place or space.

Listen to your child’s feelings, and honor those feelings.

Praise your child using descriptive praise such as

“You are very creative.” “You are very athletic.”

Let them teach you things like technology, music, dance steps and sports.

CHOICES

PRAISE

HUGS

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc. www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

Identity Builders

C H A P T E R T W O : C R E AT I N G C O N F I D E N T K I D S

DIFFERENCES

Tell your children how much you admire and respect them. Honor them in the presence of

family and friends!

Give your child opportunities to help you and others.

Allow your child to make decisions.

Share key responsibilities so they can learn, such as caring for pets,

car care, vacation planning.

Accept your child’s differences from you in temperament,

personality, interests, abilities, and energy level.

Create traditions that you can share, such as camping,

cooking specialty meals, and crafts.

Make promises that you can manage.

Allow your child to sometimes fail as well as succeed.

2.4

HONOR

DECISIONS

PROMISES

PA R E N T I N G PA R T N E R S : P R A C T I C A L TO O L S F O R P O S I T I V E PA R E N T I N G

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc.; www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

OLD HABITS OF INEFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

NEW HABITS OF EFFECTIVE, POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

What gets in the way of parents entirely using our words in a positive way?

Examples: • Family system - old habits that lead us to say things we don’t even

believe, such as sarcastic barbs. • Lashing out in frustration. • Talking to my kids the way I talk to my friends. • Trying to make our children tough so they can handle peer pressure.

Positive Restatement: How would you rephrase these sayings to be more positive and effective? • You’re not going out in that outfit, are you?

Example of Positive Restatement: “I think that outfit looks great on you, but I don’t want you to wear it to the game.” (Saying what you mean directly.)

• Don’t you think you could try a little harder next time? Example of Positive Restatement: “I think you’re good in math. I would like to see you do 15 minutes of math study every day, because I think you can get an A.”

• You’re looking awfully skinny. Example of Positive Restatement: “I feel worried that you’re not taking time to eat right these days. Let’s make an agreement to eat dinner together every night.”

2.5

Positive Restatement

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc. www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

Do we have to go over this again?

When you pay the bills, you can do whatever you want!

I’ve told you a million times; I’m not going to tell you again!

Life isn’t fair, is it?

I’m not your maid, pick up after yourself!

You’re the oldest, you should know better.

Never mind, I’ll do it myself.

Don’t listen to me; I’m just your mom.

C H A P T E R T W O : C R E AT I N G C O N F I D E N T K I D S

2.6

The Power of Words

How will they make each child feel?

Positive Restatement: How would you rephrase it to be more positive and effective for your child?

Think of how each of your children may hear these words.

INEFFECTIVE WAY MORE EFFECTIVE WAY

PA R E N T I N G PA R T N E R S : P R A C T I C A L TO O L S F O R P O S I T I V E PA R E N T I N G

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc.; www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

2.7

Recognizing and Affirming Strengths:Creating a Vision for College

Examples of strengths include:• Coaching–helping others learn• Bringing diverse people together• Conflict resolution• Learning technical procedures• Inventing• Good hearted–connecting with

people that others ignore• Organizational skills• Speaking talents

• Sports performances• Performing music• Computer software skills• Visual arts–painting, graphic art,

illustrating, photography, etc.• Leadership skills• Dancing• Composing music• Creative writing

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc. www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

C H A P T E R T W O : C R E AT I N G C O N F I D E N T K I D S

2.8

Positive Identity: Elements of Self-Esteem

Nine Elements of Self-Esteem

1 Belonging

2 Purpose

3 Security

4 Empowerment

5 Confidence

6 Competence

7 Resiliency

8 Leadership

9 Respect

It’s really exciting to guide our children in acquiring the valuable treasures of positive self-esteem. At the same time, we also instill values that steer our children in using these treasures to make positive contributions to society.

Discoveringthe Treasures

of Self-Esteem!

PA R E N T I N G PA R T N E R S : P R A C T I C A L TO O L S F O R P O S I T I V E PA R E N T I N G

From Parenting Partners: Practical Tools for Positive Parenting. Copyright © 2001, 2020 by Positive Parents, Inc.; www.parentingpartners.com. All rights reserved. This page may not be reproduced or distributed in any form without prior written permission from the authors.

2.9

Constellation of Support

Grandparents

Music Teacher Teacher

Father & Mother

Coach

Neighbor

Youth Leader

Brother & Sister

Bus Driver