Guiding Your Strong Willed Child Workshop, Week 3

Guiding Your Strong Willed Child

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Were you able to…

• Map Your Weekly Schedule as a Family? – Fixed Time Events, Consistent Routines, *Special Events*

• Make Time to Take Time? – Daily Five: 5 min of parent + child time, use a timer

– Weekly HAT Meeting: 30 min of child-free conversation

Review

Not-A-Test

• Krista believes that the best way to parent is described in the book:

• The Absorbent Mind by Maria Montessori

• Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay

• The Attachment Parenting Book by William & Martha Sears

• French Kids Eat Everything by Karen LeBillion

• On Behavior by BF Skinner

• None of the above

Review

Not-A-Test

• Krista believes that the best way to parent is described in the book:

• • • • • • None of the above

Parenting is personal! The plan you make at your HAT is the best way for YOU to parent. Harnessing the science of learning can make parenting easier.

Review

Not-A-Test

• Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

Review

Not-A-Test

• Circle all of the words you might find in an “operational definition” of a tantrum.

Wanted toy Produces tears Shouts “no” Angry

Kicks feet Mad at brother Didn’t sleep well

Longer than a minute Happy Throws object

• Answer? All but those in black – those all are presumptions we make based on our observations, but are not objective descriptions of behavior

Review

Not-A-Test

• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as:

• what happens after a behavior occurs

• what happens before a behavior occurs

• what causes a behavior to occur

• how a child feels before she engages in a behavior

Review

Not-A-Test

• An antecedent, behaviorally speaking, can best be described as:

• • what happens before a behavior occurs

• •

Answer: An antecedent comes before a behavior but does not cause operant behavior contrary to popular opinion

Review

Antecedents – What Comes Before!

• It is loud ! child covers his ears… – Why did he cover his ears?

• Friend nabs a toy ! child hits her friend… – Why did she hit her friend?

• No snack in car ! yelling, “snack!” … – Why is child yelling, “snack”?

• Antecedents may set the stage for learned behavior but they do NOT cause behavior

Review

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. • politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit

her brother

• passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

• talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

• giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

• giving your child a big hug after she falls down

Review

Not-A-Test

• Which of the following could be described as a consequence? Select ALL that apply. • politely asking your child to sit on time out after she hit her brother

• passing your child the milk when she says, “milk please!”

• talking with your child about how it makes you feel when she hits her brother

• giving your child “the look” but not talking with her after she hits her brother

• giving your child a big hug after she falls down

ALL ARE CONSEQUENCES. A consequence is simply what happens as a result of a behavior, it could be reinforcing or

punishing or have no effect.

Review

Consequences – What Comes After!

• It is loud ! child covers his ears… – COVERING EARS MAKES IT QUIETER

• Friend nabs a toy ! child hits her friend… – FRIEND GIVES TOY BACK

• No snack in car ! yelling, “snack!” … – DRIVER GIVES SNACK

• Consequences are what occur after a behavior occurs & may have increasing, decreasing or no effect on behavior

Review

Not-A-Test

• All behavior serves a __________________.

Please write in your single word answer. If you don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers will earn partial credit ☺

Review

Not-A-Test

• All behavior serves a __________________.

Please write in your single word answer. If you don’t know the real answer, creative wrong answers will earn partial credit ☺

FUNCTION!

Answer: And the key to changing a behavior is to understand its function.

Review

Week 3. Investment Advice

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Week Three

Community Sure Y! First X, Then Y

Content Reinforcement

Collaboration Invest with “Yes”

Extension Micro Choices

Small Changes = Big Difference • Child is playing with his trucks. Parent wants child to clean up the tea

set he was playing with earlier before he continues playing with his trucks.

• BEFORE: “First, clean up tea set. Then, you can play with your trucks.”

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS MISSING? • Affirm his choice first! Start with “Sure Y!”

• AFTER: “Do you want to keep playing with your trucks?” [Yes!] “Sure, you can keep playing with your trucks! First, put away your tea set,

then you can play with your trucks.”

Community

Small Changes = Big Difference • Child is playing with his trucks. Parent wants child to clean up the tea

set he was playing with earlier before he continues playing with his trucks.

• BEFORE: “Sure, you can keep playing with your trucks. First, put away your tea set. Then, you can play with your trucks, okay?”

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM NOW? • Are you asking his permission? If not, don’t add “Okay?”

• AFTER: “Sure, you can keep playing with your trucks. First, put away your tea set. Then, you can play with your trucks.”

Community

Small Changes = Big Difference • It is time to leave for school. Your young daughter told you that she

wants to wear a sparkly necklace to school everyday. She has not put on her jacket yet.

• BEFORE: “Would you like to wear this sparkly necklace again today?Okay! Please go get ready for school then I will give you your sparkly

necklace to wear.”

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? • Make small & specific demands

• AFTER:“…Sure! First, put on this jacket, then you can put on your necklace!”

Community

Small Changes = Big Difference • It is time to leave for school. Your young daughter told you that she

wants to wear a sparkly necklace to school everyday. She has not put on her jacket yet.

• BEFORE: “Would you like to wear this sparkly necklace again?” [YES!] “Okay! Please put on this jacket then you can put on your sparkly

necklace to wear.” [No! I want my sparkly necklace first!] …negotiation ensues…parent decides it is not worth the fight

• SO CLOSE! WHAT IS THE PROBLEM? • Commit & Stick

• AFTER: [following refusal] “I will keep your jacket & necklace with me. When you are ready to put on your jacket, I will be ready with your

necklace!” Change the subject & head out the door.

Community

Community Group Reflection

• Were you using a technique similar to this before the workshop? If yes, in what way is different?

• Did you start by saying “Sure!”?

• Did you keep your X request small & simple?

• Did you ensure that Y happened as soon as X was completed? (& that Y didn’t happen until X was completed?)

• What obstacles did you face?

• When did you find success using it?

Community

Week Three





Nuts & Bolts of Behavior

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Original Behavior

Replacement Behavior

Consequence

Content

Today’s Gift from Science

Operational Definitions

Antecedent

Behavior

Consequence

Content

What is Reinforcement?

• Simply means that when behavior “works” it is more likely to occur again the in future

• In other words, if a behavior continues to occur it is because it continues to work (or has worked for a long time)

• When the probability of behavior increases as a result of a consequence we say that behavior has been reinforced

Content

People Are Not Reinforced Content

Behavior is Reinforced

Who Cares?

• When we talk about reinforcing or punishing a PERSON, we are acting as if her behavior is a fixed part of her when it is not

• When we talk about reinforcing or punishing a BEHAVIOR, we are acknowledging that a person’s behavior can be changed

• My parents used to say, “I love you but I don’t love that behavior.”

Content

Didn’t Montessori Hate Reinforcement?

• Dr. Maria Montessori assumed position comes from statements like this: – “The prize & the punishment are incentives towards unnatural or

forced effort and, therefore, we certainly cannot speak of the natural development of a child in connection with them.”

• But a careful reading suggests that she employed that which we call reinforcement very well. “Reinforcement” is not synonymous with “prize.” – “The environment must be rich in motives which lend interest to an

activity and invite the child to conduct his own experiences.”

Content

The “Who Said It?” Game ! “We call an individual disciplined when he is a master of himself, and, can, therefore,

regulate his own conduct when it shall be necessary to follow some rule of life.” ! Maria Montessori

! “But restraint is only one sort of control, and the absence of restraint isn’t freedom. It's not control that’s lacking when one feels ‘free’, its the objectionable control of force.”

! B. F. Skinner

! “No one asks how to motivate a baby. A baby naturally explores everything it can get at, unless restraining forces have already been at work. And this tendency doesn’t die out, it ’s wiped out.”

! B. F. Skinner

! “We must, therefore, check in the child whatever offends or annoys others, or whatever tends toward rough or ill-bred acts. But all the rest – every manifestation having a useful scope – whatever it be, and under whatever form it expresses itself, must not only be permitted , but must be observed by the teacher.”

! Maria Montessori

Content

Positive Reinforcement

A: Offered a choice

B: Chooses “waffles”

C: Eats waffles

Content

We say the behavior (choosing waffles) was reinforced by the consequence (eating waffles)

if the future probability of the behavior increases

Positive Reinforcement Content

• Positive = Something is added

• Reinforcement = Behavior Increases in Future

Something is ADDED

Something is SUBTRACTED

Probability of Behavior

INCREASES



DECREASES


A: Denied access to toy

B: Hits peer C: Given short access to toy

Content

We say the behavior (hitting) was reinforced by the consequence (access to toy)


Negative Reinforcement

A: Train passes by

B: Covers ears C: Sound

dampened

Content

We say the behavior (covering ears) was reinforced by the consequence (the train sound being dampened)


Negative Reinforcement Content

• Negative = Something is subtracted

• Reinforcement = Behavior Increases in Future

Something is ADDED

Something is SUBTRACTED


INCREASES




DECREASES


A: Preparing for dr appt

B: Refuses to get dressed

C: Delays arrival to dr

Content

We say the behavior (refusal to dress) was reinforced by the consequence (delayed arrival to doctor) if the future probability of the behavior increases

In a Nutshell

“Reinforcement” is a term that we use to describe the natural process of how behaviors are learned &

strengthened.

AND

Behavior has not been reinforced if the future probability of it occurring does not increase…

even if it seems like the consequence is a reward!

Content

Not-A-Test

• Reinforcement has occurred in which of the following examples:

a) Your child completes a chore & receives a sticker on her daily chore chart

b) Your child is being too loud at a restaurant so you say, “If you don’t quiet down, I will take away your ipad” and he quiets down

c) Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please” so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as a result.

Content

Not-A-Test

• Reinforcement has occurred in which of the following examples:

(c) Your child, stuck in her snowsuit, says, “Help, please” so you free her. She starts asking for help more often as a result

This is the only example in which we know that the probability of behavior increased in the future as a

result of the consequence!

Content

Week Three





Invest with Yes!

No

Negotiable

Invest with YES! (Freedom within limits)

Collaboration

Invest with “Yes”

“Providing choice opportunities resulted in clinically significant reductions in the number of occurrences

of problem behavior.” • The Effect of Choice-Making as an Intervention for Problem Behavior: a Meta-Analysis

(Shogren et al., Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, 2004).

Collaboration

Invest Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAKnU95NTzI Collaboration

Ways to Offer Choices Community

Open Ended Questions

Structured Choices

Micro Choices

You or Me Choices

Your Turn: How to Expand Your YESes

• Are there things to which I am saying “No” or “Negotiable” to which I could always say “Yes”? – i.e. Wearing clothing backwards, unmatched socks…

• Are there things to which I am saying “No” or “Negotiable” to which I could says, “Sure Y! First X, Then Y”? – i.e. Wrestling with brother, playing with toys before school

• Are there times when I could offer a Micro Choice instead of making that choice for my child? – i.e. Tall or short glass for milk, walk or skip to front door, apple

wedges or apple slices

Content

Week Three





Micro Choices Overview

• Tiny, EASY little choices that don’t affect the outcome but still share control!

• For now, stick with outcomes that you already know the child will not resist – icing on the cake! – Speed: Walk home fast or slow? (still walking home)

– Style: Green jacket or red jacket? (still wearing jacket)

– Size: Bath half full or all the way full (still having a bath)

– Shape: Orange peeled or unpeeled? (still eating an orange)

Extension

More Examples of Micro Choices

• Examples – Do you want to sit in the red chair or blue chair?

– Do you want a full or half glass of milk?

– Should I read underwater-style or rodeo-style?

– Do you want to use green or blue paint?

• Non-examples – What do you want for dinner? (open ended)

– Do you want to do your homework now or later? (structured)

– Are you going to put your boots on now or do I need to help you do it? (your or me)

Extension

At-Home Extension

• Self evaluation – Did you try to offer a few micro choices every day

during happy times?

– Were you able to keep the choices MICRO?

• Email me 30-sec video by Sunday night – How can I help you get it to me by Sunday night?

Extension

Questions, Comments?

• Review the slides at biehus.wordpress.com

• Email me at [email protected]

Extension

Guiding Your Strong Willed Child Workshop, Week 3

Education

Transcript of Guiding Your Strong Willed Child Workshop, Week 3