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Transcript of Goat Post - Christmas Issue
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Well hello there and a Merry Fitzmas to you! Welcome to the
Michaelmas edition of Goat Post, lovingly created for your delight
and delectation. AND, *drum roll please* theres even enough
content to make a contents page this term -check. us. OUT!
So yes, we have spent yet ANOTHER term gathering fabulous
contributions for you all . And this is now it. The nal one. The big
deal. Its our last Goat Post as Editors! *ahhhh* (come on people,
get in the xmas panto spirit)
So thanks for having us Fitz! And
thanks to you for all your
contributions, we denitely
couldn't have done it without you.
And unlike most people who say
that, I actually mean it. Its ratherhard to print without submissions.
(Trust me, Ive tried in the past.)
But seriously, its been a good run :)
So long folks!
Billy Love,
Laura x
- Note from the Editors-
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FOOOOD Student Recipes
Kitchen Tips
NOSTALGIA TIME Family Superhall
Fitz Up Look Sharp Review
Halloween Snaps
Firework Photography
FITZ VS THE WORLD Fitz or France?
A Bleat From Italy
HI THERE TAKE A SEAT GOODJOURNEY? Disclaimer!
Your Interview Memories
Interview Stories
FITZ GETS ARTISIC High Poetry
Fitz Gallery
IIITS FIIIIITZMAAASSSS Fitzmas Featured
Holiday Advice
Residence WeekThe week
of Christmas freedom!
Money-Saving Gift Ideas
JUST FOR FUNS Youtube Procrastination Tips
Horoscopes
Overheard in Fitz
Puzzles Time!! Two
wordsearches and a
crossword aaall for youuu XD
Its like last day of school! ( or
last week of school if you had
lazy teachers) Feel free to fill
them in!
Fitz Billygoat Cartoons
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Soup-a-noodles
YouwillNeed:
-1packetSainsbury
sBasicsinstantnoodl
es(15p)
Theyseemtoonlyco
meinchickenflavour
butyoucanjustremo
vethelittle
ofchickenflavourpo
wderifyoudontwan
tit,whichiswhatIdo
.
-1packetofyourchosencup-a-soup
-IlikeusingSainsbur
ysBasicsmushr
one,butthisworksw
ithanyflavour.(22p)
VeryDifficultInstruct
ions:
1.Placedrysoup-pow
derandinstantnood
lestogetherin amug
2.Addboilingwater
3.Putinthemicrowav
eifyoulike(itmakes
themmixtogetherb
etter)
4.THATISIT!(andyou
onlyhave1mugtow
ashup!)
(NOTE:Cheaperthan
apot-noodle!!NowTHATSastudent
friendlymeal!
PoachedeggswithhummusandspinachAreallyquicklightmealideawhichwasinspiredbyCambridge'sfavouriteBill'srestaurantis: 2
poachedeggs,drop2eggsinboilingwaterfor1minuteorso,drainwatertoserve(evenbetterifyouhavethepoacherpods)
dollopofredpepperhummus
allonabedofwiltedspinach(250g,putitabowlinmicrowavfor2/3minutes)
Servedwithbutteredtoast
Reallyyummyandquick,andonly1pantowashupattheend!
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chet
om
ThePerfectMacaroniandCheese20gButter
20gFlour
100mlMilk
Asmuchcheeseasyoucangratewithoutusingtheentireblock!
100gofPastaTime:10Minutes
Theresnothingbetterthancominghomeandstuffingyourfacewith
someultracheesygoodnessandIassureyouitllbethebestyou
everhad!
1. Addthepastatothepan,coverwithboilingwaterandmake
sureyouputontheliditllcookfasteranduselessenergyso
winsallaround!2. Inaseparatepan,meltthebutterbutmakesureyoudont
accidentallyburnyourselfasitstartstospit3. Addtheflourandmixinuntilyouhaveapaste4. Thisiswhereitcanallgowrongsopayattention!Addthemilk
intinyquantitiesandmakesureithastotallymixedinbefore
addingmoreotherwiseyoullhavelumpsofbutteryflour
whichrefusetobetamed.5. Onceyouvemixedinthepasteandmilk,putbackontothehob
andKEEPSTIRRING!6. Youllknowwhenitsreadybecauseitwillgetallthickand
creamyjustgiveitacoupleofminutes7. Addyourmountainofcheese,stirringitinonthehobuntilithas
fullymelted8. Drainthepastawhi
chshouldbynowbefullycookedandreadytoeat
Addtothepanofcheesysaucetomakesureeverythingiscoated.. Serve,orjusteatitfromthepan
eitherwayitlltasteawesome!
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ScrambledegginaMicrowave
Thisishowtomakeyour scrambledeggusing
justonemugandamicrowave-itsfasterand
thereslesswashingup!1. Crackyoureggintoamug2. Addasplashofmilk3. Addabitofbuttertooifyouwant
4. Beatittogetherwithafork5. Microwaveforaround30seconds
(dependingonhowpowerfulyourmicrowave
is)thenstir
6. Keepmicrowavingforshortperiods(say
15secsatatime)andstirringinbetweenuntil
youvegotyoureggjusthowyoulikeit7. Addtobutteredtoast
andenjoy!
This isnt very originallucky enough to have
very confident cookinself even if you eat ev
1) Cut a sweet pep
scoop out the ins
2) Mix in a bowl y
This can be what
veg with rice/couscou
1chopped tomat
cheese (whatever youyou have them
3) Season with salt
4) Bake in the over
5) I like to serve mi
Cake-in-a-Mug(SOQUICK!)
Thereareallkindsofcakesyou
canmakein
mugsincludingablueberryand
whitechocolate
one!HereisarecipeIoncefound
ontheinternet
andparticularlylikemaking.Haveaninterne
t
searchformicrowavecakeifyo
ureinterested
andloadscomeup!
4tablespoonsflour
2tablespoonssugar
2tablespoonscocoa
1egg
3tablespoonsmilk
3tablespoonsmeltedbutteroroi
l
1/4teaspoonvanilla(orpepperm
int)extract
1tablespoonchocchips
1
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Stuffed peppers
t its really easy to make if you areovenespecially for people who arent
heres no meat, you wont harm your-ything raw! And theyre really nice!
r (chose your favourite kind) in half and
e seeds
r chosen fillings
er you have left over, I've used left over
nd herbs before. A filling I really like is:
(or a few chopped cherry tomatoes), a little bit of finely diced garlic (optional),
kegoats, cheddar or mozzarella are all very nice), dried and/or fresh herbs if
nd pepper, and drizzle some oil over them
ntil the sides have visibly softened, or until they look gorgeous to you!
with salad but theyre also great with chips!
Adddryingredientstoonelargem
ug,and
mixwell.
Crackaneggandaddittoyour
mug.(Again,
mixitwelltoavoidanypockets
offlourin
thecorners)
Pourinthemilk,oilandch
ocolatechips,and
mixwell
Addthevanillaextract
Putyourmugintothemicrowave
andgive
it3minutesonmaximumpower
(1000watts)
. Waituntilthecakestopsrising,andsetsinitsmug
. Ifnecessary,runaknifearoundthesidesofthemugandtip
thestillwarmcakeoutof
themugandontoasaucer
8. Eatlovingly.
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THEEASIESTCAKEEVER
Ingredients:
250gmargarine
250gself-raisingflower
250gcastersugar
75gicingsugar/castersuga
r
2eggs
2lemons Splashof
milk
Pinchofsalt
Method:
1. Mixthemargarine,flower,suga
r,saltandeggs-
makingsurethebatterissmooth
andeven
2. Addthezestofonelemonanda
splashofmilk
orlemonjuice
3. Placeinagreasedbakingtraytocoo
kfor15-
20minutes(thisishighlyvariableduetounrelia-
blequalityofFitzovens)oruntil
thebatteris
cookedthrough(checkbysticking
aknifein)
4. Mixtogetherthejuiceoftwolem
onsand75gof
icingsugarorhowevermuchwill
dissolveinthe
juice
5. Pouroverthecake
andleavetosit
6. EAT
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Store open chunks of cheese in aluminium foil and
they stay fresh for longer.
Add baking soda to the water when hard boiling
eggs and the shell will come right off.
Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are the best
kind to use for cooking. Those with 4 bumps are
sweeter and the best ones to eat raw.
Separating your bananas when you first buy them
keeps them ripe for longer - GENIUS! Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.
It will help pull the grease away from the meat.
EDIBLE GLITTERits easy to make your own:
Mix 1/4 cup sugar & 1/2 teaspoon of food colouring
and put in oven for 10 mins.
And finally, the best tip of them all: No, your pasta
isn't burning- that's steam.
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Photography by ennis Harrison
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ROCKINTHATHIV
IZ
UV!!!!
Fitz Up Look SharpA success?? Fitz Freshers Laura and Emma, reckon so - although
the crisps? Maybe not so much
As the last Freshers standing at the recent Fitz Up Look Sharp we feel
like we are both qualified and obligated to be the ones to review the night
- and while our peers can be quoted with such inspiring words as alright
and ugh when asked what they thought of the night, we can say with all
our keyboard authority that it was rocking.
The music was far superior to what youd expect as a Fresher at what is
essentially a school disco: DJs Phil Ashworth (known for playing at manyCambridge clubs) and Napper (Rudamental and Turf) smashed it with
great, familiar tunes and Faith SFX (Plan Bs beatboxer) was so talented
that it wasn't until well into his act that we realised those entire songs
REMEMBERTHISONE?
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came from a person. Although that could also be partially attributed
to a decline in sobriety
With mixed levels of commitment to body paint, face paint and neon
clothing, the UV theme went down well and was a great novelty. Got
to love themed nights. The crisp table really cemented the school
disco feel and was a great way to get hungry drunk people to spend
money. Unfortunately by the time we got to the crisps there were only
lonely cheese and onion packets, the rejects of the crisp world,
continuously passed over by the more romantically-inclined clientele.
All in all, it was a great night and a great way to socialise with your
extremely new friends. Definitely worth buying a ticket; bring your own
crisps.
The keenest of Freshers,
Laura Thompson and Emma Ansell.
HOWDIDHED
OIT?
HOW??!
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Photography by Simon Schofieldand Gary Morton
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When you scurried back to college, bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready for the academic year
ahead, I had already been at university for a month. I had also drawn on my best ham acting to
buy a square pillowcase, fitted sheet and 200x200cm duvet cover. But thats another story.
This reading experience is going to be most interactive. I hope youre excited. Here is our
question: In which F will you find?You are invited to anticipate the response with either Fitz or
France. Ready? Cest parti.
Elaborate meals
France. Thought only our multipurpose buttery/hall was capable of Michelin star quality
cuisine? Probably not if youve ever sampled the vegetable moussaka but still. I haddinner at a Frenchmans house the other day. Ooh la la! Quelle scandale.He offered
me the most pungent-smelling/potentially-poisonous cheese I have ever come across.
His grandmother had soaked it in oil for three months so we could really appreciate the
flavour. I may or may not have hid it in my napkin.
Pidges
Both. The porters have probably taped over my pigeon hole in college but Mademoiselle
Yasmin Omar has one here so feel free to send baked beans/fan mail/general loving
(preferably in that order).
Nuns
France. I run into these saintly ladies on a daily basis given
that I live in a place run by the little scamps. One came into
my room to fix a plug socket and spied a homemade birthday
card I had stuck up with very questionable photos of my
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galdem and I in various stages of nudity. Considered taking it down but its really too
hilarious.
Pompous conversation
Both. As an MMLer, my natural habitat is the caf. Contrary to popular opinion, lemon
drizzle cake and millionaire shortbread are not the only treats in store there. Overhearing/eavesdropping on people discussing the intricacies of their supervision essays is as
entertaining as listening to a drunkards incoherent explanation of the pass simples usage
and importance.
Strangers
France. Unless youre a Mathmo (sorry mathmos) you probably recognise most people
in college by now. So imagine my shock when continually thrust into situations where I
am the Camus-esque ltrangre. Ill be able to read people so well by the end of this I
may have to switch to the Psychology Tripos upon my return.
Boats
Fitz. Jackman got away with it in The Tab so Im gonna go all FCBC on The Goat Post.
No one rows and no one cares about rowing (arguably the case for non-boatie
Fitzbillies). Thank God Ive coincided my return visit with Fairbairns. What is a girl
supposed to do without eight training sessions a week? Have a life? Dont be
ridiculous.
QWERTY
Fitz. Did you know that French keyboards are different to English keyboards? Neither
did I. Those obligatory touch typing lessons in suffered through in Year 7 have not
prepared me for this technological minefield.
Yasmin
Both. Physically I am in France but I left my heart in Fitzwilliam, under the watchful eye
of the First Undergraduate *tear*.
Fitzwilliam, or Fitz-winning-am as I annoyingly call it, is glorious. Nestle up in your gown, give Olive a
big hug and listen to that rhythmic humming outside F block. Oh and say hi to Howard, the library
cleaner, hes a right babe who has even been known to reward students with sweeties.
Yasmin Omar
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Bleat from a Fitz Billygoat in Italy
Don't all cry at once, but I'm not going to write a culturally interesting piece
glorifying (or damning) my year abroad as requested. There's not really even
any reasoning behind my refusal, I'm just plain stubborn. Why? Well, because
goats are stubborn and the one greatest lesson I've learnt whilst in Italy has
been to embrace my inner goat! Because, in fact, Fitz has covertly been
metamorphosing every one of us into Billy-goatsand I can prove it.
First proof that you're a goat: you're not crying! Obviously the fact that I'm gone
has left you all absolutely distraught, but youre not actually crying, and the
only way I can explain this is because you, as goats, don't have any tear ducts.
This is actually very handy. When you're on the point of having that essay
breakdown and the world really is about to collapse, just remember that you
can't cry, so there's no point trying. Goats are strong creatures. The same
applies to me when I get homesick out here, I just have to find something to
dolike find an Italian equivalent for Fitz bar. And let's face it, when things get
too much, we all start bleating baaar, baaar, baaaaaarrr.
But what other than baar can a goat do? Well our lives really are bubbling full
of variety, so when we're not guzzling alcohol, we're probably guzzling coffee.
Tradition has it that our goat ancestors were the brave, clever and intrepid
explorers who first discovered coffee (you didn't get that Cambridge brain from
nowhere). It required great skill on their part, namely, eating from a particular
bush and becoming very energetic as a result, thus encouraging their goatherd
to try some of the plant himself. The point I'm torturously slowly getting round
to, is never feel guilty about heading for a caf coffee (I'd quite like the term
caff-coff to enter the Fitz lingo). It's in your blood, and given our fine heritage,
I'd say it's our prerogative to do so. I'm certainly exercising that train of thought
out here in Italy!
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Next proof: goats have rectangular eyes. So those stories you were told about
ending up with square eyes if you spent too long in front of a screen were very
almost true! We've all stared with blank eyes at a blank word document on our
laptop in the early hours of the morning, only to scour the internet for a better
form of procrastination (and if you haven't, just shut up). But late night browsing
and grazing is something we goats are very very good at so don't worry because
you're definitely not the only one despairing in the library tower and eating
illegally imported food. By the way, as part of that procrastination I found out
that we have four stomachs (ish) so over-eating is just not possible and you
really don't have to worry about your calorie count. Perks of being a fitzbilly eh!
Finally, goats are known to have an amazing sense of balance. So what? I
hear you say. Sooo, this means that there is absolutely no excuse for not
learning to cycle without holding onto the handlebars. Fitz students should be
identifiable in town purely by the fact that they all cycle hands-free. Admittedly, Ihaven't quite got round to it yet, but now I know that it's in the genes, there'll be
no stopping me in fourth year... until I crash.
So no, no one is forced to grow a goatie - though on second thoughts if the guys
would, that is definitely the way to get a billy pride campaign going! But please
do love your goaty lives at Fitz, baaring, caff-coffeeing, browsing, grazing,
acrobatic cycling etc. and never let anything make you wish you had tear ducts.Because I guarantee, you will miss it all when you're gone!
- Here ends the bleat -
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To any prospective students or parents/careers of studentswho may be reading this while you await your interview,
Firstly, try the cafcake. Whether or not you get offered aplace from Fitzwilliam, you will have experienced one ofthe very best parts of student life here. (Also the hotchocolate, and the coffee, and the mince pies, and the - well,you get the idea.)
Secondly, please do not be at all concerned by any of these
stories, they are of course taken out of context! In fact takecomfort from the fact that all those people actually got in!!How or why we may never know. (Clearly the standardsaren't so high after all :p ) And remember that everysingle interview is different. Continue to read on for a fewslightly more balanced interview stories, with addedcontext ;)
And if it does all go terribly wrong, do not fear, youprobably didn't do anything as daft as some of thesecontributors! And if you think you did, well then hey, it couldbe you submitting your memories to Goat Post in a yearstime and joining the club of those who are also not quitesure how they got away with it!!
The very best of luck to you all x
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Very soon Fitz will be full ofwide-eyed fresh-faced hopefulinterviewees - Probably nibblingcaf rocky road and looking everso slightly startled.We asked Fitz students what
they remembered of theirown experiences...
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Therewasapowercutdurin
gmy
groupinterviewatKings.Bu
tIcould
stillseemyinterviewerrol
lhiseyes
throughthedarkness!!
When I left my interview I was in the corridor outside. I had
absolutely no idea which one Id come in though and inter-
views were going on in the other ones. It was a Harry Potter
stuck in the Department of Mysteries moment! This year
when I walked past the rooms where interviews are held for
my subject theyd put a sign up in that corridor marking the
way out. Guess I wasn't the only one then.
WhileIwaswaitingbeforemyinterviewaFitzfellowcameinandaskedoneboywh
oIdthoughtseemedniceifhecouldgoandclearhisroomoutforthenextperson.HesaidNoandwalkedout.Theroomwasshocked.Untilsomeonewhohadntreactednoticedandsaidoh,hesaidnowbutinaScottishaccent!
playedhappyfamilies
withcurrent
studentswhile wasw
aingformy
interview.couldn'thel
phoping
wasn'ttesngmyluck!!
IgotaskedWhatistruth.
IleftmycoatinaninterviewroomonachairandjustasIwasleavingIwasremind
edtotakeitbytheinterviewerwhothen(accordingtoothercandidates)remindedevery-onetotaketheircoatswiththemattheendoftheirinter-views. trendsetter
MyinterviewerreceivianOxfordcolleagueintterviewandthenchattinpleofminutes(seemedknowifthiswasatestto
theword'Oxford'sojustthroughout!
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Nothingveryexciting
happenedinmyinterview
butwhenIwasinthecafI
heardanotherstudentsay
'Iknowexactlywhatthey
want,prettymuchgotthis
inthebag,youknow'Goodforhim!
Intrvwr: 'So, brng n mnd norx nd obt r bot
ctm, cn ou tnk o notr w t bod mrkt?
M: 'Um, t bod mrkt? Um... Errrr..' (Connu or
good 2 mnut)
Intrvwr: 'Hmm r ou' tnk o omtng tr.'
Overhearingastudentaf
terherin-
terview:'Thatwastra
umaticIneedsome
retailtherapy'
You'renotgo
ingbacktoschool?'
'Hellno!'Ihadtheworsteverhandshakedisaster.Iwentinforthehandshakeandonlycaughtthepsofhisngers,soIshookthose.Themostembarrassingdreadfulmomentofmylife.
My interviewer said You talk about
interesting things but I think you slightly
struggle to get to the point. Im going to ask
you a question and give you ten seconds to
answer. Whats the dierence between law
and politics? GO! She is now my DoS but I
will never quite forgive her!
Ihadascarymoment
whenmyinterview
er
askedmeabouta
polishbookIsaidI
d
read.Ihadnt.(Oro
nly
thefrstbit)Buthe
hadnteither,soal
l
wasfne;)
Iwillneverforgettwoofmyinterviewershavingadisagreementaboutaquestiontheyweregoingtoaskmeaboutasettext,asoneofthemwasreferringtoadifferenttextstudiedbyCambridgestudentswhichhadthesamecharacterin.ThiswasthefirsttimeIhadseenacademicsarguesoseemedquitescaryatthetime!
HostinguscandidatesinAdmissionswasanolderstudentwho,asIcamein,wasexplainingthatdespitehisReceivedPronunciationaccenthewasactuallyfromNewZealand.Well,fairenoughIsuppose,excepttheconversationthenturnedtothebookhehadpublished(!!!)duringhisgapyear,theprofitsofwhichpaidhistuitionfees.Oh,andhereadingHARRIVSPOTTERETPHILOSOPHILAPISIwasterri-fied!LuckilyIhadacoupleofveryniceinterviewersaskingmerelativelystraightforwardmath
squestionstoputmeb
ackateaseinthecomfortably,butnotexcessively,nerdycamp.
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MyInterviewStorybyFlorenceLee
AsoneofthebestGeographycollegesinCambridge,itsnotsurprisingthat
myinterviewlastyearbeforeChristmaswastough(oh,
theshock,horror,
sweatandtears).Itwasntexactlylikethesupervision
sIhavehadsofar.
Theprofessorsmainlytestedmeonknowledgeaboutth
epre-setjournal
articlesIwasgiveninadvance.Ofcourse,thatwassome
whatcomforting.
Havingreadthearticles,atleastyouknowwhattoexp
ect.
IwasthefirstintervieweeforGeography.Thequestions
weretheusualwhy
thisandwhythats,throwninwithExtremelyAcad
emicQuestions.It
wasacademic,fast-pacedandratherchallenging!Itwas
verymuchPurely
Academic. Idneverspokentoprofessorsbeforesome
timestheyseemlikea
completelydifferentspeciestobehonest.Imean,compl
etelydifferentextra
intelligentbeings.Thebestanalogywouldbesortoflike
playingvideogames
withaseasonedprowhoknowsyourevery
thought,everyattack,special
powersand,toputitbluntly,someonewhocanwhipouttheirswordand
K.O.yourplayeranytime.
Enoughchitchat.Myfondestmemorywasprobablyget
tingaskedastrange
questionwhich(insertdrumroll)Ireadaboutonanarti
cletitledStrange
OxbridgeQuestionsinTheGuardian!Aha.Atleastthe
timesspentreading
thenewspaidoff.EventhoughIamsurethatquestiondidntcounttowards
anything.Exceptmaybeimpressionpoints.Lotsofimpre
ssionpoints!
FunFact:Inearlymissedmyentireinterviewonthatco
ld,duskymorning
becauseIcouldntcatchacabfromthetrainstation!Ie
ndedupqueuingin
thelineoutsideuntil9:20am,andspentthewholejourn
eynaggingatthe
drivertogofaster!
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#ScoshPoolProblems
They shed me from the pool on a Monday evening.
I was told I would be interviewed on the Thursday morning. With this
luxurious60 hours' noce, I made the southward pilgrimage from
Glasgow and walked from the train staon to Fitz, passing Churchill
where I rst applied -on the way. How biersweet. Aer a brief tour
of College by Ashley John-Bapste of X-Factor fame, I hit the hay, and
before I knew it, Thursday had arrived faster than you could say
Biggest day of your life, what's the worst that could happen?
Not wanng to spend the morning panicking about the possibility of
interview quesons I'd seen on the internet (Here's an orange. Tell
me about it.), I headed over to the Buery for an awkward
breakfast. To my le was Rachel Hunter, chang about the snow that
had caused her to miss both her plane back from Spain and her
original interview. To my right sat an Engineer who is no longer withus. Not that he's dead, he just didn't get into Fitz. The conversaon
went something like this:
Miss Gap Yah:
'Ah, so you're applying for Computer Science! That's really excing![NB: it's not] So, do you, like, build computers and stu?'
Myself:[Making sure to appear too-cool-for-coding]
'Nah, I think that's for people with far too much me on their hands. I
have beer things to do!'
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Lo and behold, our Engineering friend had just nished building his
second rig a few days earlier. The camaraderie and rapport that
ensued could only be described as non-existent.
Eager to escape the debris of my ying-brick approach to
conversaon, I headed over to the Tutorial Oce where Ben Dalton
was seng up a whiteboard for a 3-hour Piconary marathon.
Embarrassed by my beaufully bad buery breakfast blunder, I was
keen to prove myself to the other sh: a messy drawing juxtaposing a
castle surrounded by water with an easel demonstrated my
impressive knowledge of Viennese Classical period composers. I was
back on form, blissfully ignoring the interview that would decide my
fate in just a few hours' me.
Things were going too well, and so out of the blue, a woman arrived
with a worrying request:
Hi, James. Could you head over to your room and collect your
suitcase? The cleaners would like to prepare it for the next person
using it.
Now?, I said, ever-eloquent.
A stunned silence fell over the room. Conversaons ceased. Eyes
widened. The air got a lile bit colder. Superlaves got a lile bit out
of hand. Perplexed, I walked out the door towards the stairs to the
soundtrack of hushed voices behind my back. Assuming I had
somehow managed to spill something on the back of my shirt, I
rushed back to boom C corridor to check myself in the full length
mirror. Yet my shirt was sll a dazzling shade of white (thanks,
Mum!), and I consequently surfed a wave of paranoia all the way back
to the Tutorial Oce.
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Upon entering the room once more, I sat beside Holly and asked if I'd
been imagining the blatant bitching. (We had bonded previously over
her love of Scosh accents and my Scosh accent)
Well... you were just a bit rude.
No, I wasn't! I simply asked if she wanted me to dy my room now,
and then she walked away!
OH RIGHT. We all misheard you and assumed you had just said No.
in a faux posh accent. Oh my God, this is so funny! Isn't this
hilarious?(NB: Holly may or may not have used the word faux in casual
conversaon, but it's a great word, don't you think?)
I promptly sprung out of my chair and into the oce to explain our
amusing misunderstanding, and the rest, as they say, is history. We
all laughed about the struggles of a Scot abroad, I managed to make
my DoS laugh aloud during my interview (akin to a rabbit caught inmathemacal headlights, I forgot how to use exponents, which is
hilarious), and I spent the train journey home sending melodramac
texts about how I had embarrassed my naon.
I'm sure Fitz have met some fascinang candidates over the years,
and there must be some great stories doing the rounds of the
Admissions Oce at this me of year, but I like to think none can
compare to that of the obnoxious young Scosh boy who, upon
being asked to dy his room, responded with a remarkably Southern:
No.
James McAulay
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Sinking in a pool of love
She had me in her pocket,I was hers for the taking.Ever clothed in rich, velvet clothOver those cushiony sides,In awe of her, I stood quaking.Then low, behold, she returned mylove, it was fateA game had begun, I could not es-cape.Balls flew everywhere,Her rack was ever in my mind.
My heart was left abandonedWithout her to fill my lifeMy days were clouded with essaysProcrastination was no longer rife.
My grades went up, my soul sank lowI lost my friend, my love, my mojo.Karaoke? Snooker? No no, pool wasfor me,Without her, my soul could never befree.
Then, one day, through that longcorridor I passed,Lamenting, sorrowful, wonderinghow my life could last,And right on cue, I saw her there,In the Walter Grave room,My eyes were fixed, I stared.The game once more, has now en-sued,Good Cambridge degree, you were myrebound, adieu.
Anon
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FLORE
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CE LEE
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FLORE
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CE LEE
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DAWN
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ANTER
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Whats the best way to spend your holidays?
Study. Yes, you read that right. Id advise each able-bodied, responsible,
intelligent, neurotic Cambridge student to study as hard as they can into theholidays. It is a must-do. A must, because we all want that first-class or two-
one. No one wants to wear the dreaded tutu. Except ballerinas. And pixie fairies.
And other Things That Only Exist In Your Imagination.
So get your pens, papers and calculators out if you dont have them, stock up
on them in your Christmas stockings. Fillem with neon highlighters. Beg your
parents and mates to give you more tiddly pens for presents. Scribble notes and
ground-breaking thoughts on your Christmas wrappings. Decorate your room
with post-it notes. You can even get creative and make a post-it note Christmas
tree like this:
Santas watching. We all want to be good
little boys and girls, and no one wants coal in their socks. The homeland for
which you all will be stuck in for 5 jolly weeks lack the lovely problems of Fitz
life: sanitation, hairy clogged showers, dirty laundry mountains, tasteless buttery
food leftovers, that Dominos pizza fragrance and technical problems affecting
salad production. Which means its the optimum environment for studying.
Merry Christmas everyone!
Florence Lee
Goodwayt
osavethe
environmen
tandgogr
een!
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Corridor Mince Pie and Mulled Wine Night
Make a trip to London with your friends! (Actually fairly cheap
train tickets, especially if you have a railcard)
Group Christmas shopping trip!! So
much more fun than doing it in a panic afterarriving back home. Complete with tea stop for
Christmas cookies and a cinnamon mocha or hot
chocolate with marshmallows. Plus you get to
have a group gift wrapping session while
listening to carols once you get back -bliss.
Corridor Christmas Dinnerespecially if you never made it to Fitzmas (and decorate
your corridor before! Who doesn't love paper chains and snowakes?!)
Get out the Christmas lms with some Sainsburys snack foods. Love Actually?
Bridget Jones? Miracle on 34th Street? THE LION KING?! Dont lie, you love them
all ;)
Use up the last of your card allowance on Fitz caf reindeer-
shaped cupcakes and snowman cookies ...And while youre
there, chat to visiting interviewees :)
Christmas Games Night In. Charades anyone? Pictionary?Anyone bring Articulate or Balderdash with them? Add in
some drinks and itll be a good one I promise!
Add that Santa hat or antlers to your outt and join the Fitz
contingent in Life/Cindies for the last Sunday of term
Take advantage of the many free Christmas carols, concerts and
evensongs going on in Cambridge
Make your corridor smell of Christmas by having a go at making
your own Christmas cooking. MORE mince pies anyone??
ndyoullbemorethan
happy
ofollowFlorencesad
vice
becausebeforeyou leav
eUni
youllhavestockedupo
nall
THISFitzmasCheer...
Laura Pugh
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Make your own Christmas Hamper
You can put in whatever things you
know that person likes, whether
you want to go traditional and get
wine , mince pies and jams, do a
treat box with cookies and hot
chocolate etc. ,or anything at all!
Just gift wrap a cardboard box and
lay in your goodies.
Photo Collage
Buy or make a frame, then get
busy sticking together photos
of your friend, parents, cousins
-this works for pretty much
anyone!
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Cake/Cookie in a jar
Layer the dried ingredients for
your cake or cookie mix into a jam
jar, tie with a ribbon and print a
label with the Recipe (and info
about any extra ingredients to
add, like milk or egg). And voila!
A pretty, personal gift.
Date Clues
Place in a jar or box clues to a
date that you will be treating
your partner to. e.g. Hot
chocolate powder, an ice cube
tray and a glove = Ice skating :)
Get Creative!
Laura Pugh
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Procrnon or Bgnnr.
Gather round children, for today I will impart the most secret and mostinvaluable knowledge that any student can share. I was like you, once:
hardworking, movated and with an aenon span that lasted longer than 15
minutes, unl one day, I discovered a marvellous creaon. You might not have
heard of it, given that we intellectuals spend the majority of our me knee deep
in a book [read: sleeping on top of the book you should have nished three
hours ago]. It is known as the internet.I spoke to the Elders of the Internet not
one hour ago and they were so horried by the idea of a new ock of students
entering the world of Cambridge without being fully iniated into the rites ofpassage of the internet that they wanted to do whatever they could to help.
Now, do not be lead astray. There are people out there (librarians, your DoS
etc.) who will try to convince you that the internet is for work. They do not
realise its potenal. As an old soul of third year, I now feel that the me has
come to share with you some of the knowledge I have collected over the past
two years about a very parcular type of internet. Whether you be a startledfresher, facing the glaring headlights of your rst essay and in need of a
sanctuary to shelter you from the ferocious wrath of late night cramming, or
whether you be a wizened nalist facing the glaring headlights of your sixty-
third essay and in need of a sanctuary to shelter you from the ferocious wrath of
late night cramming, I give to you, the wonder of Youtub.
Firstly, to prove to you that I am not the onlyone who believes that there are many more
things you could be doing with your me than
working, I give to you Sweet Brown and her
Remix ofAint Nobody Got Time for That.
Please note the fantasc dance moves being
demonstrated at 0:27. Some of you reading this
will have been born as late as 1995, or even
later if you were a child prodigy (or Scosh), and therefore may not be aware of
possibly the best show of the 1990s. Please watch The Las Vegas Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7khttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7k -
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Compeon from The Fresh Prince of Bel Airto further your educaon. Learn these
moves and proceed to demonstrate them at the next college bop.
If you have not seen The Fresh Prince before, I would also encourage you to watch
every episode ever created before you move on to the next suggeson. The ability
to watch mulple seasons of a telly show in one day is a well rehearsed talent that
requires dedicaon and will power. Other recommended opons include Saved By
The Bell, Flight of the Concords, and The IT Crowd, if you didnt understand the
earlier reference to the Elders of the Internet.
Some things on Youtube are just a bit weird and will pass the me easily, and
without too much damage done to your brain. The Vichy Normaderm Hyaluspot OnThe Spot Heroadverts are an all me favourite of mine. Word of warning: dont
forget the blueberries.And Im always amazed at how oen Ryan Gosling refuses to
eat his cereal.This guys laugh sll haunts my dreams -Bill Gates Calls the
Slingshot Channel answers.
You must, at some point, cross into the
dangerous territory of animals doing cute
things. From here, there is no way back.
These videos will make you queson many
things about the world: how can a cat be
that cute? How can a dog be that clever?
How can I get my hamster to play dead?
Will I look like that bat when I yawn? As
you read this now, these videos may not
seem interesng, but in a few weeks me, when the Week 4 blues set in, these will
be your lifeline. Ill just leave these links here for you... Maru,Animals Playing Dead,
Bath Time for Baby Sloths,Don Goldberg machine by Beneful,Animals Yawning.
Kirsten Bellknows how moving animals can be. Theres a remix for everything on
Youtube, including her Sloth Meltdown.
But, one day, fresher, the sun will set on my me here, and will rise with you.
Everything the light touches will be yours... apart from that shadowy place. You
must never go there.That shadowy place includes videos such as these: Tampopo
Egg Scene,Teddy has an Operaon,The Avalanches Froner Psychiatristand The
Weirdest Video You Will Ever See.When youve watched these, it really is me to
be geng back to work.
J Wonk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsMhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumoguhttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumoguhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbpBjxX2tkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbpBjxX2tkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1mAGQAw3Ochttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1mAGQAw3Ochttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA56LgpFbSwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA56LgpFbSwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B907aaDw7Echttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B907aaDw7Echttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5jw3T3Jy70http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5jw3T3Jy70http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsd0d1gxJ68http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsd0d1gxJ68http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuluDBHpfQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE&feature=c4-overview-vl&list=PL08F21D0CB50217D0http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdYaTa_lOf4http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqA-mP0MhZghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG0aNqeMNIkhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vsd0d1gxJ68http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5jw3T3Jy70http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B907aaDw7Echttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA56LgpFbSwhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1mAGQAw3Ochttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndbpBjxX2tkhttp://www.youtube.com/user/mugumoguhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFISeJ1N5CQhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxs791pjOeghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqEeP1acj4Yhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=596k3swtsJEhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDbyYGrswtghttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV5TZyUMVsM -
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Aries; March 21 April 19This festive season is set to bring some relief from those looming essay
assignments youve been battling with - its important to give yourself
the break you deserve. Tensions may arise at home as the Christmas
chaos kicks in be sure to keep your distance from those disputes for
a happier holiday. Single Aries finds him or herself meeting someonespecial mid-December, though a lack of self-confidence could mean
this encounter may be a brief one.
Taurus: April 20 May 20Your ruling planet, Venus, dictates that youll attract special
attention this party season if you dare to try something new. A busy
holiday means you may run afoul of the New Years chills, but as
your organisation gets better as you get busier, work wont be whats
troubling you come January. Instead, be wary of old friends, as
jealousy over another may interfere with your relationships.
Gemini; May 21 June 20Your intense mental energy means that youre well-prepared to deal
with the coming months challenges, which will range from a difficult
gift decision to an important choice about a relationship. Its
important to look at things objectively and decide whats best in the
long run, as the heat of the moment gives Gemini a tendency to make
rash decisions. Towards the end of the month, you may find yourselfgrowing closer to someone you didnt expect; let events unfold
without reacting too quickly.
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Cancer; June 21 July 22Dont let whats been gnawing away at the back of your mind beat
you in December, as its about to get harder to ignore. Decemberwill be a complicated month for you and stress levels will run high,
so make sure you plan ahead and finish your work before the 15th,
when things will really get tense. You may need to turn to someone
who you previously rejected for help dont feel ashamed, as their
advice will see you clear of troubles this month. Single Cancer
should be aware that their own troubles may be causing them to
ignore the problems of others this December, and a potential
romantic interest may be thwarted by unintentional selfishness.
Leo; July 23 August 22Leo is ruled by the heart, and strong feelings will cause conflict this
December as you struggle with some important choices. Seek advicewith those who have had similar experiences, as those closest to you
may not necessarily have the best ideas. Old arguments with a
friends may come to light again in the second half of the month; be
aware of the influence of your element, fire, and try not to let your
natural tendency to take control lead you astray.
Virgo; August 23 September 22A friend or family member may need your help this month and
your natural tendency towards compassion means youre likely to
forget your own priorities. Try to strike a healthy balance between
the needs of both of you and youll find the experience rewarding.
Take any romantic encounters with a pinch of salt this season, as
its possible they wont come to fruition as the New Year arrives.
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Libra; September 23 October 22Despite what your heart tells you this month, dont rush into things
with that person, as in the long run the results will be far more
rewarding. Unfortunately for you, youll still be feeling the weight of the
problems of others mid-month, but the second half of December brings
an opportunity for some time to yourself. Be sure to give yourself a
break from worrying, even if it means giving less of your time to others,
as come January youre set to come across some particularly conflicting
emotions, which youll be better prepared to face after time with your
own thoughts.
Scorpio; October 23 November 21Your natural tendency to battle things out against all odds continues,
and youll be successful this month as something you may have been
struggling with is resolved. Allow yourself time to rest after the last
months tensions and allow those closest to you to become closer. Single
Scorpio will find this a productive month for renewing old friendshipsand building on new ones, and those with a partner may find this
month one of the most exciting in their relationship.
Sagittarius; November 22 December 21December will be a stable yet busy month for Sagittarians andexcitement will really build mid-month as you approach a date thats
important to you. Your emotional and expressive nature may cause you
to burn out towards the end of the month take care to keep control of
yourself as January will bring experiences both new and repeated,
requiring all of your self-control and a lot of emotional energy! Single
Sagittarians may come across a newcomer who will play an important
role in the future be aware.
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Capricorn; December 22 January 19Many Capricorns have a tendency to become workaholics. Take a few
steps back when you find yourself working continuously early on this
month; it doesnt pay to wear yourself out. December will be a trying
month, as you may need to reorganise your priorities after a dispute
related to something in the past. This month, recognise your own
fallibility and accept the guidance offered to you near the end of the
month, as it could help you make a big decision about the coming year
which you didnt expect.
Aquarius; January 20 February 18Pressure on your personal values and change in what youre used to will
test your leadership skills in December, as people turn to you for advice.
Keep focused on whats really important as something draws your
attention away after the 23rd; it may not be what youd first expect.
December is a month of big responsibilities for you, and romance may
slip past your personal radar. Remember to be perceptive so that youdont miss an opportunity which may change your life.
Pisces; February 19 March 20Youve been feeling stressed this November, so welcome December with
outstretched arms, as it brings respite from these last few difficult
months. Almost at the end of your birth year, youll be feeling weary,
and its time to make some changes, led by someone you may meet from
the 14thonwards. Its worth taking a few leaps this month and maybe
even putting your trust in someone you wouldnt expect, as this may
yield exciting results for you. December is all about you this year, a time
to clear your head of confusions and enjoy the new experiences the
month will bring. Dont go in search of long-term relationships this
month, as a newcomer may throw a spanner in the works.
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Girl 1: How's your new supervisor?
Girl 2: *long pause* Hes very
enthusiasc. Its just well, Its
really quite hard to read a two page
email wrien enrely in capitals.
Very insistent
student in caf:
Cucumber IS a fruit.
*Girl 1 is in a Fitz kitchen cung up
a full size cake*
Girl 2: Woooh thats a big slice!
Girl 1 (confused): Well, theres four
of us. Quarters, no?
*Caf Convo between 3 girls*
Girl 1: Im going to hear Jesse Jackson
speak at the Union.
Girl 2: Thats cool, I'm sure thatll be
interesting.
Girl 1 (to Girl 3): See, SHE knows who
he is!
Girl 3: Ohhhh damn, that means is real-
ly is just me who doesnt.
Girl 2: Well Im not sure whichone he
is exactly, but one of Jackson 5, yes?
*silence*
Girl 1: I NEED NEW FRIENDS
Stop looking at me like
that. Its the knife, isnt it?
Im not even stabbing any-
thing at the moment!
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BILLY
BUTTERY
CHRISTMAS
COLLEGECAT
FITZMASFITZSKI
GOATPOST
JMA
MICHAELMAS
ONIONBOBBING
ONIONS
B Q Q J Z Y J G M N X H M E D
Y G Y Y P R J D X F P A X N Y
O L K O Q X N V C O U S P X K
Y N L N B K H N Y S F Y C T Y
K A I I K H N H F A J O Y L S
T D K O B Z R G Y M L D C G AN U S N N E A L N L S L J K M
H J Z S A B I A E E W Q U H Z
O K T Z F M O G O A T P O S T
S E I X J Y E B W H E P T V I
I H F R M C R K B C H A O C F
N W U K A O C H R I S T M A S
B U T T E R Y Y I M N T F J G
S I D V Q U E O C U N G P Q H
W K B V B O O O G A L N Z K V
Stephanie Richards
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GoodLu
ck!Nick Fox
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Guess the names of these college characters using the clues provided!
Rosie Busiakiewicz
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Dwn Kntr
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Th k t ll t ib t !