Minty Fresh... fresher than Superman’s lycraFri 1st October 2010

Friday’s

10:00 - 16:00

12:00 - 16:00

19:00 - 22:00

19:30 - 22:00

22:30 - 23:00

21:30 - 02:00

22:30 - 03:00

Tonight was the night that

the Brendon Court Army be-

came frontrunners for fi nest

freshers of the class of 2010.

After MintyFresh received

a tip off that something was

going down in that part of

campus we arrived to fi nd as

fi ne an orchestration of un-

scrupulous madness as we

have seen this week.

An incredibly enthusi-

astic crowd of you lot came to

greet us as they, quite loudly it

must be said, sang songs of in

celebration of their new home -

a remarkable level of assimila-

tion in a relatively short period

of time. Defi nitely the most fun

group of freshers last night.

MintyFresh favour-

ite Ryan “the most laddish gay

guy you’ll ever meet” made a

reappearance and continued

to amuse us all, introducing

us to The Hulk (not sure what

exactly that nickname refers to)

who proceeded to shout and

stomp, as is his wont. The girls

of Brendon Court managed to,

just about, form an impressive

pyramid.

A mention should also

go to Moldovan Alexei who was

so unremitting in his hatred

for his mother country that he

agreed that it was ‘the armpit

of Europe’. We wouldn’t com-

ment.

Eastwood quite mon-

umentally disappointed tonight.

They most certainly fell behind

Brendon Court from a quite re-

markable lead: poor effort East-

wood, we expect much better

tomorrow.

Cotswold also repre-

sented Westwood this evening

by amassing an appropriately

large horde of Spartans who

chanted when asked… and

even when they weren’t asked.

Oh well, no one ever said Spar-

tans were easily controlled.

More of the fi ne freshers of

Derhill later impressed us with

a song, sporting matching out-

fi ts. An outstanding perform-

ance from the Westwooders

tonight.

At the event itself

there were a quite remarkable

selection of superhero cos-

tumes ranging from Mario and

Luigi, Duff Man (a 2009 Fresher

of the Night winner) and nu-

merous other ‘beer man’ de-

rivatives. Quite a few people

diverted from the theme. Fresh-

ers’ Week should be an educa-

tion, and it’s pretty important

that you guys should know that

Smurfs are not superheroes by

any measure. They are quite

cool though. Unlike Morph

suits, which are massive socks

for idiots.

Other people who de-

serve a mention are the furries

– a collection of men sweltering

away in chicken, cow, penguin

and bear costumes – as well

Timetable

Commercial Fair

Founders Sports Hall

Country Fair

Sports Hall Green

Barn Dance

Claverton Rooms

Pub Quiz

Elements

Film

8W1.1

Masquerade Ball

Founders Sports Hall

Tea & Toast

Chaplaincy

Cotswold Spartans and Brendon Court Army impress

For all the photos that didn’t make it onto the cover, look up Bath Impact on facebook

If you would like to join Bath Impact, come and check out Arts & Media Day in University Hall on Saturday 2nd

October, and ‘Meet the Media’ drinks in the Plug Bar from 3pm this Sunday

Spartans fl oor Superman

as a terribly confused coconut

Fresher, with coconut testicles

and an ample coconut chest,

who threatened to end it all if he

didn’t get a mention. Stay your

hand Coconut Suicide Guy, all

is well. MintyFresh was suf-

fi ciently disturbed by one Joker

costume that we decided to

hide in the Sports Hall, where

we enjoyed the musical stylings

of Shy FX and Zane ‘That Kiwi

Off Radio 1’ Lowe. Good times

had by all.

Special mention for

the pair of Westwood girls who

fl ashed a MintyFresh team

member before desperately

posing for our camera. Over-

commitment – we disapprove.

Brendon Court girls make a pyra-

mid - and lo, it was good

The furries go coco for coconuts

Tonight the Two Minute Man

finally came forward and

spoke to the MintyFresh

team. We can reveal that he is

an Eastwood 48 resident and

that his powers are based on

rice. The name comes from

the fact that he mustn’t last

any longer than it takes his

Uncle Ben’s rice packet to

cook – 2 minutes. He tells us

that, by the end of the year,

he aims to get to the level

of long grain basmati. You

may have seen him last night

(please tell us if anyone un-

masked him, he and his min-

ions refused) or you may even

have seen his boudoir if you

were, ahem, lucky enough to

make it back there. Minty-

Fresh have seen the inside

of the Two Minute Man’s den.

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(Ents)

Julia ‘Poison Ivy’ Lipow-iecka(International)

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What you, the critics, had to say:

“MintyFresh is like your

third bollock... the sexi-

est animal is the squirrel

because they like nuts.”

Testicle Obsessed White

Dreadlock Guy.

“I’m bananaman but I lost

my banana... so I guess I’m

just man.”

Norwood Fresher whose

powers were greatly di-

minished.

“I can only sleep in tights.

I’ve got some issues.”

Eastwood Fresher who

was sold to the circus as

a child.

“I accidentally urinated in

my own sink.”

That superpower could

only be useful in pretty

specifi c situations.

“What’s the sexiest ani-

mal?”

“Paladium, ‘cause it has a

nice name.”

Chemistry Fresher who

can’t wait to start his

course.

“He could at least have

thrown the used condom in

the bin before he left.”

Disgruntled unnamed

female

“How long do you last?”

“Five minutes. Pretty aver-

age.”

Woefully naive Eastwood

Fresher

“Why do you have a leo-

tard?”

“I have it so I can practice

my Beyoncé moves.”

All the single ladies...

Two Minute Man’s lair, but appar-

ently he doesn’t spend much time

there, preferring to use other peo-

ple’s microwaves to cook his rice.

It seems having a penchant

for Chelsea FC, Calvin Har-

ris and Kanye West – not to

mention rice – leads to a rep-

utation that the man himself,

for one, is very ashamed of.

The MintyFresh

team were particularly

pleased to see that Two

Minute Man’s costume incor-

porated a timepiece of some

kind although it was quite a

delicate one. Despite agreeing

to be interviewed, Two Minute

Man did not disclose his real

identity and would not reveal

his face. Remain alert. He

could be anyone (who lives in

Eastwood 48 and loves rice).

Two Minute Man: remains shroud-

ed in mystery. Who is this man?

There is nothing that Mark, from Eastwood, could not endure. This Spartan war-rior had to battle four epic trials to recover the key to his room. First he had to down a pint of coconut milk which ‘nearly made [him] chunder. Next he was required to find a size sev-en left shoe and retrieve a bra tasks he allegedly accomplished with flying colours. This fresher’s acts of heroism mark this man out as a true superhero.

Who will win the honour tomorrow? It could be you!

Two Minute Man Talks: rice is my vice

Fresher of the Night: Mark from Eastwood

Mark recieves his heroic reward