Chapter 2: The Dreaded Curse of the Lindo Bonito

THEREBIRTHFRESHNFRUITY UGLACY II :

Coming into the long-awaited Chapter 2, we can see that little Ibuprofen Freshnfruity is practically glowing with little toddler pride (or something) as his dear ol' dad Loki teaches him to walk.Oh- wait, he is glowing, silly me!

By 11 a.m. Ibuprofen's holed up in the kitchen with mother Tootie, and he's almost learned to talk! What a productive little morning he's had!

On top of all of that, Loki has been to work and back again, and has been promoted to Theorist!*stops to do the promotion dance *

ANNDD for the final scoop of bacon-flavored ice cream on top (so to speak) at about 4 p.m. the First Toddler has gotten potty-trained!

Loki needed more friends to get promoted again, so he called Circe, his ex-wife(whom he left to get married to Tootie if you recall) to see about making friends again.Remember when we were best friends? I mean, what the heck happened there, am I right?? he asked in a zany, 'I'm a comedian' tone of voice.

Tootie hadn't been home from work very long, was having a nice quiet lie-down in the bedroom, in fact, when Loki seized his opportunity.Come here, my little baby-incubator!! he commanded as he pounced on his wife.And while they were off doing that...

Look what was pacing outside the nursery window! It's Jasper, one of several leaders of the wolf-pack.What's the matter fella? Found something you want?Arf-arf-arf!

At 1 a.m. , Tootie got.. a little hungry.

Who's at the back door?

Sorry Bailey, we're not letting you in either.

Tootie has decided to take a vacation day from work. She just isn't feeling well, you see.

So this is how a toddler eats! Through his.. chin?!

After getting Ibuprofen situated in his high chair, the nanny decided to have a nice soak in the tub.Usually a nice thing to do, except that it kept the Mawster from going to work.Hey lady, Loki called to her, I can't get out of the nursery to go to work, with you in the tub there, he tried again, but... the nanny simply ignored him.

Upon Loki's return home, he discovered that the nanny's cooking skills were somewhat..lacking. She was however, humming a thoroughly impressive Battle-Hymn of the Republic.Oh hon! Loki called out to his wife.What is is darling? Tootie replied faintly, from somewhere in the house.The nanny seems to have caught the kitchen on fire, he called back.

So um, shouldn't we be doing something about the stove, you know, that's ON FIRE?! Loki continued as he held Ibuprofen and stared at the flaming appliance. Just a sec, peaches- I'm working on my mechanical skills! Tootie replied, If you're in that much of a hurry, just put down the baby and go put it out, she suggested.

10 15 minutes later..Catch ya later, Mr. F, Weldon Tellerman waved as he left the house, giving them the all-clear, I'm gonna be coming here a lot, ain't I? Looks that way, Weldon... thanks, Loki replied.

As Loki passed back through the living room, he found Tootie right where he'd left her, and couldn't decide whether to be relieved or furious.Fire's out, punchkin, he said casually as he walked back by.Oh, that's GOOD! Tootie looked up from her studies and smiled delightedly, as if he'd told her he'd taken the baby on a stroll to the park.

Loki put Ibuprofen back in his crib and went to investigate the source of the fire.All that for one stupid hamburger?! he groaned.What's that, narwhal breath? Tootie inquired from the other room.The nanny left a burger cooking in the oven- was it her lunch break or something?? he called back.OH GOOD! My burger's ready! Tootie chirped from the next room.

WHOOPS! Ibuprofen grew into a child without a birthday party! He achieved the aspiration level of Rotten Rugrat.Seeing as the nursery is the second of 2 bedrooms, where are we going to put you, kid?

Mischief is in the works once again! Tootie has popped into pregnancy!

There now- don't we FEEL BETTER??Ibuprofen wouldn't feel like a true Freshnfruity until he had his makeover! (Or at least, that's what I'm telling myself)

Hey ma, Ibuprofen began, Did you know the ring-tailed potato-masher of northern Wisconsin has fifteen toes on his- Ibuprofen began as he studied on the couch.Be quiet you, Tootie interrupted, Shu-Shu Braunschweiger's teaching us how to make pig-knuckles in clam sauce! Mmm!!

Well she's sure going about it in a weird way, he commented, as the great Shu-Shu Braunschweiger's stage-kitchen caught fire.Shut it, kid- you might learn something, Tootie responded.

Apparently the simple act of putting balogna sandwiches together was too much for our pregnant Tootifer..Hey ma! remember when I learned to walk?? Wasn't that just sooo cool?? MA?!

Ibuprofen wanted a game so, like all good mothers should, Tootie rushed out and got a fabulous bargain on a game the entire family can enjoy- an axe-throwing station!

He also wanted electronic entertainment, so they went out and bought an SSSX3 Game Simulator console.In a bargaining feat that was just as incredible, two games came with the console:Jiggle-Bunnies' Mansion-Party 9, and Zombie-Leeches' Blood-Fest 11, all perfectly suitable for young boys, of course.

Ibuprofen collects his allowance.

One day Loki and his son were observing that father-son ritual of watching cartoons...Gee dad, why'd the aliens wanna go and take over Berry-town? He asked, cocking his head curiously.Loki paused and grew quiet, wanting to phrase his answer so that his impressionable young son would learn the right lesson.Yes it does seem like a bad thing that those aliens would want to come down from space and blow all those cute little dwarves to smithereens... KERPLOWIE, you know? Ibuprofen's eyes got bigger as Loki continued, gesturing with his hands,BUT what we can learn from this is that those bad old aliens set GOALS for themselves, and with a little extra effort, they reached them, just as you can reach any goals you set for your self!

One day Loki brought Gary Walton home from work with him. At the same time, Pollination Technician #9 Smith came walking by. Which d'ya think Pollination is staring at, the two guys dressed like twins, or that masculine dude-mobile of a car?

While Loki works towards his next promotion, Tootie does the lunch dishes. . . .That's good, honey, he said distractedly, without bothering to look up, and make sure you really gnaw at that dried-on spot of wasabi sauce, he instructed her.

That evening, Tootie had a chance to stop and chat with Loki's new work-buddy Gary. . . .and then they found out it was actually soup all along! Gary said, laughing.But what happened to the goat? And did they ever find that mug of pencils again? Tootie asked, enthralled.

Later, when Tootie had waddled off to the powder room, Loki returned. . .I knew it! You were thinking about making out with my wife, admit it you scoundrel! Loki accused in a paranoid tone.Wait, wait- I really wasn't okay, which one? Gary asked, after a long enough pause.

Now Gary, Loki began, just before they sat down to dinner, I have to ask, are you safe around my wife? I mean, are you gonna be trying to smooch on her as soon as my back is turned?Ha ha! Loki, you are such a kidder! How can I make a crazy promise like that? Gary replied.

Hey, Ibuprofen's up! Let's follow him around for a bit.That's my unpaid labor-I mean son! Loki chuckled under his breath when he heard him scrubbing, Careful, kiddo! he called a little louder, Daddy made a mess in there a few minutes ago!

There's a good lad! Loki smiled fondly at his son as he cleared the table of the leftovers, if you're a good bus-boy I may even tip you!

The next evening was one of real excitement, at least for the headmaster! He has come for a visit in order to evaluate whether Ibuprofen would be a fitting student at the local private school.

What do you mean I have to buy my own briefcase?! Ibuprofen responded to this latest bit of news from the headmaster, as they dined on blackened catfish.Oh. . .uh-huh, you mean you haven't heard? It's considered the first step to manhood! he nodded. And it can't be just any old cheap pleather thing either, Loki chimed in, you're going to be blowing all of your paper route money on oxblood leather- at least crocodile!

After dinner, the headmaster came and found Loki outside on the workout machine.We LIKE you, he said curtly, shaking Loki's hand once, but firmly.Ibuprofen's going to private school with a final score of 110/90!

The very same night, after the headmaster had left, IT WAS BABY-TIME!The second child of the Freshnfruity Rebirth is a-coming down the expressway! Just don't let it fall out on the linoleum, 'kay Tootie?AAAIIIIEEEEEEEeeeee! she replied.

It's a GIRL! Pink Bismuth Freshnfruity has opened her peepers on a brave new world!

One evening Tootie's ever protective motherly instincts took over, and the regrettable victim was a wandering stray.Stupid Jasper! She screeched in her manly falsetto, quit killing my new flowers!!

..at least he only managed to smash one flower bed instead of two. * sigh*

Later the next day, Loki's efforts working with his daughter paid off.Your sister! She's WALKING!! Loki wept in rather enthusiastic hysterics as he fell to his knees.Of course dad- it happens all the time, Ibuprofen shrugged casually as he walked by.

What an awesome nanny! (the narrator said in sarcasm) Here she is looting the money tree, while Pink Bismuth wanders off to get into who-knows-what kind of trouble. .

HOLY CRIPES-ON-A-CRACKER!Loki has been promoted to mad scientist(at the top of the science career track).AND he brought home $50,000 as the result of a wildcard, AND got paid $2,333, AND got a bonus of $4,666!! OOH-BABY, it's getting' closer to house-remodel time!

THEN Loki came in the door and got Pink Bismuth potty -trained. . .KAZZAM!

On top of all of that, Ibuprofen came home with his first A+ report card!HOLY FRIGGIN' COW, what an afternoon!WOOOO!! Time to celebrate and buy daddy a Ferrari! Loki exclaimed.

He may have become a mad scientist in title, but trying to think of what to do with all of the new cash-flow really did seem to be affecting Loki's mind.How about a new highchair? With a tray that doesn't dump your food on the floor?? he asked his little girl. Whadaya mean no?! Loki asked indignantly, when she shook her head..

Ooh! Ooh! How about a rhinestone-covered bottle? Loki asked his daughter,With your name on it in neon lights?? Oh boy yeah! he cheered, clapping his hands.EEEE!! Pink Bismuth squealed, trying to match her dad's enthusiasm.

Whadaya know about that?! Over the course of their enlightening conversation Pink Bismuth has learned to talk!

Did we miss something here? Naah, probably not. . .

Tootie made the choice of using bullhorns to keep her students awake(in a wildcard),AND WAS PROMOTED TO COLLEGE SENIOR PROFESSOR! BEFORE SHE GOT THE REQUIRED SKILLS!

Don't eat the fish, Tootie muttered, right before a second wave of nausea hit her.

If you hadn't guessed already, Tootie's Pregnant!(and very, very tired)

It's lunch time, Miss Bismuth! The nanny declared, bringing out a rather overdone layer cake.

It's Ibuprofen AND Pink Bismuth's birthday tonight!New slacks or brass knuckles? Ibuprofen muttered aloud as he pondered this most important birthday decision.

Name: IBUPROFEN FRESHNFRUITYStatus: FIRST-BORNSpecial Honorary Titles: FIRST-BORN SON OF THE FRESHNFRUITY RE-BIRTH ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH?!Rolled: FORTUNE SIMTurn-Ons: UNDERWEAR BLACK HAIRTurn-Off: CREATIVITYVerdict: MARCH ON, BRAVE SOLDIER.

Pinky my little girl, you're up! Loki said to his daughter as he brought her to the cake, with Ibuprofen tooting Hail to the Queen in the background.

Don't pass out, okay fella?

Name:PINK BISMUTH FRESHNFRUITYStatus: SECOND BORNSpecial Honorary Titles:FIRST UNBEARABLY PLAIN-LOOKING CHILD OF THE REBIRTH GENERATIONAspiration Lvl Earned(as toddler):MIRACLE MITEVerdict:THROW HER BACK!

The next morning, we discovered someone had been sleeping in Ibuprofen's bed- a VERY PREGNANT someone. . .Tootie's belly's been growing again, folks!

The Freshnfruity first and second-born's first tender moment as siblings:KILL! KILL! screamed Ibuprofen.Punch it in the throat, Blaine! Pink Bismuth cheered.

There we go! Isn't that better?Pink Bismuth has been made pinker with her first official Freshnfruity makeover!Her eyes being her only um. . . distinct feature, we let them pop with subtle touches of makeup.

While the bathroom seems to be the preferred place to give birth in this family, Tootie has chosen to let this one go on actual carpet. Are ya ready to rumble, Tootie dear?This is not as blissful as previously advertised!! Tootie grimaced as baby #3 made ready to ruin yet another pair of pants.

It's another girl! Magically now back in her pre-maternity get-up, Tootie shows baby Omeprazole off to the world!

Ta-Da! While the interior of the house hasn't changed hardly at all, I decided that the ol' purple exterior and green thatched roof were getting a little dull, and this certainly is not!

Here is another shot of the same house, and if you ever needed further proof that you haven't even left the lot, there is the dude-mobile in the driveway, and in the way, way background, the axe-throwing station! The upper floor in the blue section now contains a gym, with full-length windows on all four walls of that room.

Andrew Gonzaga the headmaster is back to judge Pink Bismuth's worth for private school, and he likes what he sees.

It's kinda funny how quickly the head master disappeared, Ibuprofen commented over their fancy pork chop dinner, any idea where he ran off to?I got in, didn't I? Pink Bismuth asked, with her chin all a-quivering.You BET you did, Ibuprofen laughed, we impressed the socks off him, and so earned a final score of 115/90!

It's gonna be great, ma! Ibuprofen chirped in a cracking teenage voice.What's that dear? Tootie turned to him, as they nibbled on chocolate-covered pickle sandwiches.My new job! We punch a clock, but after that it's nothing like work! If I have this right, people will be letting me into their houses, and giving me nice things to put in a black bag, and take back to my boss! Pretty neat, huh?

Would ya believe it's already Omeprazole's birthday?! Cripes, man! She's going to be a toddler!

Oh Jeebus where did I go wrong?! Omeprazole grew up more normal than her sister that came before her!! * rolls around on the floor wailing 'this family is cursed!' *Get thee to a makeover, child!

NOW we're talkin'! With a wig and a little makeup she's starting to show her Freshnfruity colors after all!

One day around after-school time, Pink Bismuth came running into the play room.Hey dad! Look dad! My first A+ report card! she declared as she jumped up and down.Would you get out of here? Loki muttered as he steadied his third child, Can't you see your sister's trying to learn to walk? Just- go make cookies or something. Gosh! Pink Bismuth whined sourly, stomping one foot, bet you woulda been excited if she had gotten an A+!

...a little later on...WOO YEAH! YOU GO PINK BISMUTH! Loki cheered at the top of his voice.Quiet dad! I have to make this jump to get to the bonus butt-scratching level! Pink Bismuth replied, without taking here eyes of the t.v.

Ibuprofen's first day at his new job must have been a tough one!

Oh ho-ho! Too Funny! Loki laughed, as he came upon his passed-out daughter at the foot of the stairs. Guess Loki isn't the best man for the dad job after all. . .

After a little rest, Omeprazole was up and walking - hey wait! Up and walking?! Jumpin' Grandma Moses, Omeprazole has learned to walk! Ladies and gentlemen, Omeprazole's first steps. :-)

. . . and early the next morning she got potty-trained as well!Oh what cute little tinkling noises you make!! Tootie gushed.

Maybe Tootie shouldn't be potty-training her kids at all if it's going to make her this sick!Unless it was the balogna. . .

It wasn't the balogna after all! Oh boy here we go again- Tootie's pregnant with #4!

a few months later . . .Oh! Tootie started, as though she had been goosed, Honey, I think I might be pregnant, Tooties declared to the still-half-asleep Loki. * snort * What? Okay, I'll go for more diapers this afternoon, he said groggily, rolling back over.

And who should get dropped off at home about then but Ibuprofen!He has been promoted to to the top of the Criminal Career track for teens!Hooray!! He is now a Pick-pocket!

Name:OMEPRAZOLE FRESHNFRUITYStatus:THIRD BORNSpecial Honorary Titles: SECOND FRESHNFRUITY TO GROW UP WITHOUT A BIRTHDAY PARTYAspiration Lvl earned(as toddler):MIRACLE MITEVerdict:FEAR FOR THE FATE OF THE FAMILY

* Omeprazole's face paint is scrubbed away, and the entire audience gasps *This cannot be the random results of mere genetics! Two children- TWO HELPLESS INNOCENT CHILDREN have now been claimed as victims in what is clearly a family curse:THE CURSE of the LINDO BONITO !!!

Oh well back to the show!When Omeprazole returns to the dining room she finds herself in the midst of another's birthday party! Pink Bismuth is becoming a teenager!Loki looks on warily from the sidelines, as he does not hold out much hope, what with the lingering curse and all . . .

Name:PINK BISMUTH FRESHNFRUITYStatus: SECOND BORNSpecial Honorary Titles:FIRST UNBEARABLY PLAIN-LOOKING CHILD OF THE REBIRTH GENERATIONRolled:KNOWLEDGETurn-Ons:UNDERWEAR & LOGICTurn-Off:swimwearAspiration Lvl Earned(as child):CHILD PRODIGYVerdict:THE CHILD MAY YET SURVIVE

The next sibling of the Freshnfruity Re-Birth is bustin' down walls to get here!(bet that hurts like crazy too)Tootie's location of choice this time? Why, her childrens' bedroom of course!

It's another girl!Ranitidine Freshnfruity has joined the crusty crew!

A few moments later, the teenagers came in and discovered that their fondest wish or their most horrific nightmares had come true, depending on how you look at it.ALRIGHT MA! Yay, a new sibling!! Ibuprofen cheered.Pink Bismuth, however, noticed that the carpet was wetter and squishier than before.EW, GROSS! Muh-OM, why did you have to get body fluids everywhere?! she demanded to know.

Well look who's a smarty-pants! Omeprazole won All-Spelling-Bee Champ, and took home a prize of $225!! Just bring that prize money right over here and stick it in the pot, that's right- you don't need any new dolls or comic books or candy . . .

That night, the family curse spread to the house itself; by morning it was quite different from the way everyone had left it when they had gone to bed. They found it. . . transformed.Madame Tootie was not so phased at first. They say you can still hear her calling out from the new bathroom: Honey, have you seen my toothbrush?

Their awakening became still uglier as Ranitidine became a toddler!* sigh* The Curse of the Lindo Bonito still reigns supreme. . .

Shortly afterwards, we find that the medieval atmosphere has brought out the romance in Loki and Tootie. Did it really need to be awakened?

Hey wait! Where did they go??Oh no- you're not doing that again are you?

Well at least they were nice enough to come downstairs for a bite of lunch. . .Dad, have you ever checked to see whether mom's been replaced by a robot? Pink Bismuth asked.I just checked her a few minutes ago, Loki responded, and there's not a squeak or a rusty joint anywhere.

Or maybe she's some kinda kooky alien. . . Pink Bismuth mused.

I think aliens are kinda hot, Tootie sighed dreamily tracing the edge of her plate with her finger, It's too bad your father isn't an alien.I could too be an alien! Loki started, sitting upright.

I especially like their big rocket ships, Tootie gushed, don't tell me you don't think those are cool!'Holy crow, my mother has been hanging out with aliens!!' went the panicky thought in Pink Bismuth's head.

What d'ya know? I've got a big shiny rocket parked right outside! I'm gonna go and get it right now! Loki exclaimed excitedly.Pink Bismuth was suddenly no longer hungry at all.

The next morning, we find Tootie christening the toilet in the library, so to speak. Is it the last of those conejo burgers from yesterday, or could it possibly be a sign, (a warning more like) of things to come? . . . . stay tuned for Chapter 3 of The Freshnfruity Rebirth!

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