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Vulnerability Project - Week 1 Transcript

RC: Welcome to Week 1 of the Vulnerability Project. My intention in these videos isto create a space such that we’re actually together in the same room. o !’mseeing and holding all of your presences here with me. "nd when ! do workshops

and we are in the actual same room# ! always begin with safety and a welcomingand a sense that you are welcome# we’re all welcome# as we are# moment bymoment# however we are. o that means that as you’re listening to this video#when you feel like you’re getting lots out of it and you’re really e$cited andaligned# you’re welcome.

When you have %uestions# very welcome. "lways jot them down and get them tome so that ! can address them later. When you have what ! call# &'eah# but()those are welcome because that’s where we get real together. "nd if you everhave a disagreement# if something doesn’t %uite sit right with you or doesn’t

match your own e$perience or understanding# then you’re especially welcome because when you have the courage to share something like that# then everybody benefits# something wonderful happens. Maybe ! get a chance to share somethinga little bit more clearly# do a better job# maybe ! learned something# maybe we alllearned something# or maybe just another voice or shade of understanding is

brought to our overall e$perience.

o again# when something doesn’t feel right# when you don’t agree# you’reespecially welcome to come forward. *ow ! know that some of you have been ine$periences where a facilitator says something like that and then when there’s a

disagreement# the whole energy of the room shifts and you could feel the tension.o ! encourage you+well# ! don’t invite you to disagree. ,f course ! want you to

stay open to everything we’re e$ploring together# but ! do encourage you# if thatcomes up# to test the safety and to be brave enough to share for yourself and foreveryone else.

o as we go forward today# we’re going to have some discussion# somee$periences that will take what !’m sharing with you into your own personal lifeand e$perience. -ut first# just a little background# a little bio on me that will leadus to our first e$ercises today and will help you understand how ! got to be the

person who would be convening the Vulnerability Project. *ow# about maybe 1 years ago or so# ! thought that ! had the perfect life. ! had agreat career# a great marriage# and ! felt that ! had worked really hard to bring allof that about and now ! was e$periencing the fruits. "nd when ! say worked hard#! mean especially on the inner realm because !’d grown up in outhern /alifornia#! had a spiritual practice# ! was majorly 0!naudible 23243567 by that time andhere ! was# e$periencing everything !’d ever wanted. "nd then it just came

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crashing down all at once# and ! was in a tremendous amount of pain andconfusion. !t was a classic dark night of the soul# and !’m aware that most of youhave e$perienced something like that in your own lives as well.

8or me# what indicates the dark night of the soul is the sense that everythingyou’ve relied on in the past when you’re challenged# when things aren’t goingright# when you’re in pain# they don’t get you through. o you don’t know why

you’re there# how long you’re going to be there# and it just feels disorienting andincredibly painful. !n my e$perience# ! knew ! didn’t want to run away from the pain# but what to do with it9 :onestly# ! didn’t really have a clue. ! was veryfortunate at the time because ! had a mentor and my mentor said to me# &! have anidea what you can do with all of this pain you’re e$periencing.) "nd so of course! said# &What9 ;ell me. "nything<) "nd he looked at me very placidly and said#&:ow about nothing. :ow about not doing anything at all to try to change the wayyou feel.)

*ow when he first said that to me# ! honestly had to share with you that it sounded

like torture# but also# something about it really grabbed me because what other people were sharing with me out of the goodness of their hearts was# &'ou’ve gotto stay busy.) "nd ! knew intuitively that distraction wasn’t the road for me. o !decided to take my mentor’s advice# and to be honest# ! did a kind of a bumblingand stumbling job with it. What ! attempted to do was to recogni=e anytime mymind tried to pull me out of the pain ! was e$periencing# and whenever ! noticed iton one track or another# ! then just reeled it back in and sat in the soup of mysuffering.

"nd of course ! had a job that ! went to and ! e$ercised and all of that# but it was

this like cloud of pain and sorrow went with me wherever ! went. "nd ! didn’tknow how long this would last or where it was leading# it just felt right. "nd thenabout > months or so after it began# pretty much out of nowhere# ! had ane$perience of grace. "nd in that e$perience# my heart just broke wide open and !felt the joy and peace and love like nothing !’d ever known before. "nd to behonest# this confused me because the same rotten and miserable circumstances inmy life were still present and yet here ! was feeling radiant.

*ow# ! did at that time what most nice ?ewish boys would do# and that is ! tried tofigure it out. ! thought to myself# &Well# maybe this is a rebound reaction#) you

know# if the pendulum has swung all the way to one direction and maybe it has toswing all the way to the opposite. o ! kept waiting for the pendulum to come back to center. "nd that didn’t happen. "nd then ! thought# &,kay# well maybethis is a peak e$perience.) !’ve had a few of those over the years# so ! kept waitingfor it to finish peaking and to recede. "nd that didn’t happen either.

*ow# ! know that there’s at least one of you out there skeptical like me who’sthinking# &Wait a minute# is this guy actually saying that every since then for# like#

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1 years# he’s lived an absolute state of bliss 5@A69) "nd the answer isabsolutely(not< -ecause !’m just as human as the ne$t person. -ut what ! gotfrom that e$perience# the real treasure for me was a deep knowing that that stateof radiance ! described is available to me in any moment# in any situation. "ndnothing is actually necessary to bring it about. -ut that means# you know# not therelationship# not the job# not the house# money# not even health# and even moreimportant# if nothing is necessary to bring it about# then nothing can take it away.

o what ! started to do is use my powers of observation to pay really closeattention to what brought me toward that state and what took me away from it."nd the more ! noticed and the more ! talked to other people about it# the more !came to see that what was true for me was also true for them. o that’s what gotme started writing about it# teaching about it# leading workshops all around theworld# and that became the new focus of my life# to try to share some reallysimple principles and practices that could help people get to that place that ! gotto# whether their own heart opening was a kind of e$plosion like mine or sogradual# day to day# that it was imperceptible. Bither way# ! knew finally that that

place ! described is truly available to all of us# and so ! became passionate aboutsharing the how.

o now we’re going to begin our first e$ercise. ;his will help take everything !’veshared with you for my own story and put it directly into your own personale$perience. What !’d like you to do is think of something or someone thatabsolutely lights you up with joy. !t could be a place in nature# a favorite memory#

but ! want you to choose something simple and uncomplicated just to focus on#creates for you a kind of automatic inner smile.

,kay# now that you’ve selected that topic# ! want you to invite all the good feelingconnected to it to flow into your body. "nd now# turn your attention to your bodyand begin to notice what you feel. o first notice where mostly do you feel thesesensations. Co they move around or stay in the same place9 "re they warm orcool9 harp or diffused9 "s you focus on them# do they stay steady# do they riseand fall# or perhaps in time# do they diminish a little bit9 !n case your mind hasdrifted# just spend one more moment tuning in and noticing what you’re feeling inyour body as you focus on this joyful topic.

,kay# good< o come on back to ordinary awareness and we’ll continue. ;hat

state that you just e$perienced# we’re going to call B$pansion. B$pansion is thestate of being open and connected to the flow of life energy as it moves throughyou# and also connected to everyone and everything around you. *ow# the reasonthat it’s so important to know what e$pansion feels like in your own physical

body is that to be present in any moment or situation# we need to be in ane$panded state. ;o be clear# we don’t need to be feeling joy or any particularemotion# like the one that ! used to help you get open# but it’s that %uality of

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openness and connection that ! mean by e$pansion# and that’s what we need to befully present.

*ow# also to be clear# it’s a continuum. 'ou’re not always feeling wide open# butthere needs to be a threshold of e$pansion in order for you to really rela$ intowhat’s happening outside of you# but especially within you in any given moment.

,kay# now we’re going to move to our second e$ercise. " lot less pleasant# butwe’ll only last about a minute as well. ;his time# ! want you to think of someoneor something that absolutely frustrates you. o even if things are going pretty wellfor you right now# ! know that there’s maybe some family relationship that justwon’t heal# something that your work or maybe with your health. o for thise$ercise# choose the big one# something that you’ve actually worked really hard toshift# but you haven’t been able to break through.

,kay# now that you’ve got this topic# see if you can invite all the frustrationconnected to it to fill you up. "nd once again# turn your attention to your bodyand begin to notice what you feel. o first of all# notice where mostly do you feelthese sensations. Co they move around or stay in the same place9 "re they warmor cool# sharp or more spread out9 "s you focus on them# do they stay steady# dothey ebb and flow# or perhaps with time# do they intensify9 "nd now just foranother moment# in case your mind has gone running away from this topic# bringit right back# keep your attention on your body and continue to notice.

,kay# that’s enough of that< o come on back to ordinary awareness and sincethis e$perience is the opposite of the first one# you can probably guess that theword we’re going to use to describe it is /ontraction. /ontraction is the state of

being shut down and cut off from the flow of life e$perience as it moves throughyou and also cut off from everyone and everything around you.

-efore ! say anything else more about contraction# ! have to recogni=e that ! askedyou to voluntarily enter into a contracted state. "nd so that means that you mayhave some residual contraction from the e$ercise# which would keep you fromreally staying with me and taking in this information. o if you do notice anyresidual contraction# just go ahead and 0e$hales7 sigh it out# you can shake it out#and you can# even on your own# return to the first e$ercise and keep e$pandinguntil you’re present enough to really stay with me.

*ow# when you hear me talking about e$pansion and contraction# one after theother# it can seem like what !’m saying is e$pansion good# contraction bad. -utthe truth is contraction is automatic and instinctive and unavoidable. !t happens tous whenever we don’t like or don’t want something. !t’s a whole mindDbody stateof *o. !t’s like saying either get this away from me or get me away from it. "ndwe all do it. 'ou can hear# for e$ample# how even the Calai Eama in his ownlanguage talks about the way that he contracts. We do it for the smallest

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annoyances like a mos%uito in the bedroom and the hugest tragedies like the lossof a loved one. !t’s always that same basic and unavoidable no. We also find thatthe flow back and forth between contraction and e$pansion is not just the way ofhumans# but it’s the way of all things# even the universe itself.

o this brings us to our first fundamental principle of the Vulnerability Project.We can avoid that first contraction. !t’s automatic and instinctive. :owever# when

we stay contracted past that first instinctive response# that’s a choice. *ow formost of us# it’s so habitual that it’s primarily unconscious at this point# but it’sstill a choice. "nd the word that we’re going to use to describe that choice isresistance. o to be really simple and clear# resistance means staying contracted

past that first instinctive response. "nd when you think about it like that# most ofus are in resistance to one thing or another pretty much all the time. !t could havehappened 4 minutes ago or 4 decades ago# but to that e$perience we said# &*o<)and we still haven’t said yes# so we’re still in resistance.

*ow# across all of the great wisdom traditions of the world# at their mystical

center# you will find that they all share pretty much the same idea# and that is thatthe royal road to selfDreali=ation and fulfillment is to learn ever more skillfullyhow to recogni=e and release resistance# so that we can go from living like thismost of the time to living like this. "nd when we live most of the time in a stateof e$pansion# we just don’t understand the idea of oneness. We actually have theopportunity to e$perience it directly# a connectedness not just to ourselves but toall of life. o recogni=ing and releasing resistance is the key.

"nd just for a moment# coming back to my own e$perience# over time what !came to see is that through my dark night of the soul and what ! witnessed after it#

! came through my own personal e$perience to this open secret# so to speak. !nother words# ! don’t claim credit for having discovered anything. ! see that it’salways been there and that traditions have pointed it out to us. "ll !’ve done is totry to e$plain it through the prism of my own personality and understanding in away that hopefully allows people to really get the principles and apply the

practices really directly# successfully# without lots of belief around it that youhave to subscribe to or without any kind of jargon that gets in the way. orecogni=ing and releasing resistance.

!n order to do that# one of the things we need to understand is what’s the opposite

of resistance9 "nd of course# the opposite of resistance is acceptance. "cceptingthings as they are. ;hat doesn’t mean that we don’t want passionately to changecertain things# but before we can successfully change anything# first we have toaccept it.

*ow# sometimes this is a struggle for people to get because they’re so orientedtowards working hard to overcome their struggles. ;here’s a place for hard workand there’s a time for it. "nd here’s what ! mean. When you try to change

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something that you are still in resistance to# it’s like stomping on a hose with allyour might and then commanding the water to flow through. ;he more youcommand and the harder that you stomp on that hose# the more the water is justgoing to back up. -ut if you can step off the hose and allow the water of yourfeelings and sensations and e$perience to flow through# that brings you to ane$panded state.

"nd in an e$panded state# you are the most available to yourself and you have themost resources available as well to address whatever issue or challenge is beforeyou. "nd this may take a little time for some of you to orient towards to becauseeven if you’ve heard of the idea of acceptance or perhaps begun working with it#there’s still some aspects of your life or parts of yourself where you feel like# &*o#! just can’t accept them the way they are.) ;hat’s okay. !n that case# just start withyour acceptance that you’re having a hard time accepting. "nd that will give youa good opportunity with ease# rather than strain# to keep finding more and moreacceptance.

"nd speaking of that# ! want to share with you that ! know that each and everyone of you watching this actually already is a worldDclass e$pert in acceptance."nd here’s how ! know. ! know that you would never look up into the sky# see a

bird# and say to yourself# &;hat bird should be a dog.) ,f course that would beridiculous# right9 ! mean# you are in such 122 percent acceptance of that bird in its

birdness that it would never even occur to you that it should be different. "nd yetthere are so many birds in your life that you think should be dogs. Maybe youthink# &My partner should listen to me more.) &My kids should do what ! say.)&My boss should respect me.)

*ow# whenever we come to those kinds of places in ourselves# ! call it -irdDCogging. -irdDCogging is whenever we really insist that something be differentthan it is. "nd if can be really instructive to start paying closer attention maybe#than ever before# to the way that you birdDdog. !t can be in traffic# &,h# whydoesn’t this person speed up9) !t can be mostly in your own mind# &,h# why can’t! do this better9 Why am ! keep thinking that9) o ! invite you to# in these ne$tfew days# as this video lands with you and resonates# whenever you remember ormaybe even write down a reminder+put it on your cell phone+just to check in#&:ave ! been birdDdogging lately9 "m ! birdDdogging now9) What is the kind ofuni%ue nature# if there is one# of my own birdDdogging9

;here’s something else ! want to ask you to reflect upon and notice in these ne$tcouple of days# and !’m going to leave you with at the end of today’s video. !t’sreally helpful to start recogni=ing what are the signs of resistance for me

personally9 o what ! mean by that is some people might know they’re inresistance because they go to the refrigerator and they open and close that door#even though they already know what’s in there and they’re not particularly

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hungry. omebody else might find themselves withdrawing from a situation#going to a compulsion. o the %uestion is what activities and behaviors are reallygood indicators for you that resistance is afoot9 When you notice that more andmore clearly# then you have the opportunity to make those behaviors# make thosemoments not a problem. *ot something to further resist# but instead to turn theminto little chimes that go off# that say# &Gesistance is present.)

*e$t week in the video# !’m going to talk about once you know resistance is present# e$actly what to do# the how# so that you go from resistance to a place ofe$pansion in real time# and even especially when it’s hard. -ecause ! know thatall of you have heard how important it is to live in the present moment# to be herenow. !t’s a lot easier to talk about that and even to believe it’s true# than to knowhow to do it. "nd once you know how to do it# you have a real direct route to thevulnerability that we’re cultivating together.

o just to review in closing. !n these ne$t few days# notice as much as possiblewhen and how you birdDdog and also what signs of resistance are afoot for you.

What are your goDto’s when you don’t like or don’t want something that’shappening outside of you or something that you’re e$periencing within. ,kay#that’s it for now. ;hank you so much for watching and !’ll be back with Part 5ne$t week.

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