Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld - extract

8/17/2019 Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld - extract

1/12


2/12


3/12

The Borough Press An imprint of HarperCollins Publishers

1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk

Published by HarperCollins Publishers 20161

Copyright © Curtis Sittenfeld 2016

Curtis Sittenfeld asserts the moral right tobe identied as the author of this work

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-0-00-748629-8

Eligible is a work of ction. Names, characters, places, and incidents

are used ctitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons,living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

Printed and bound in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, St Ives plc

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may bereproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted,

in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical,

photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the priorpermission of the publishers.

FSC is a non-prot international organisation establishedto promote the responsible management of the world’s forests.

Products carrying the FSC label are independently certiedto assure consumers that they come from forests that are managed

to meet the social, economic and ecological needsof present and future generations.

Find out more about HarperCollins and the environment at h lli k

™

™


4/12

Chapter 7

Mrs. Bennet had not, as it turned out, needed to lean on Mrs.Lucas excessively in order to convince the latter to facilitate a

meeting between the Bennet daughters and Chip Bingley. Upon

receiving Mrs. Bennet’s phone call, Mrs. Lucas had declared

that nothing could bring her greater pleasure, or reect more

atteringly on Cincinnati, than the attendance of the beautifulBennet girls and their parents at the barbecue that the Lucases

were hosting for several recent arrivals to Christ Hospital, where

Dr. Lucas was both a physician and a high-ranking executive.

Mrs. Lucas shared with Mrs. Bennet the afiction of an

unmarried adult daughter, though in Mrs. Lucas’s case the dis-

appointment was embodied just once rather than multipliedve-fold. Charlotte Lucas, who had been Liz’s classmate and

closest friend at Seven Hills for fteen years, was also single,

a bright and poised human resources manager at Procter &

Gamble who since graduating from college had been about

seventy-ve pounds overweight. To Mrs. Bennet’s mind, thisfact placed Mrs. Lucas’s misfortune in a separate, albeit equally

frustrating, category from the one in which her own daugh-

ters fell. Obviously, Charlotte wasn’t married because she

was heavy; therefore she simply needed to go on a diet Mrs


5/12

physical or personal aws (except for poor homely Mary), had

no clear means of remediation.

Mrs. Bennet, who herself was not a stranger to rotundity,

had wondered if Mrs. Lucas considered Charlotte a candidatefor Chip’s affections, but Mrs. Lucas’s unhesitating inclusion

of the Bennets at the barbecue reassured Mrs. Bennet that her

friend harbored no unrealistic expectations where Charlotte

was concerned. Thus, despite having failed to pair off any of

her daughters in the two decades she’d been actively trying,

Mrs. Bennet’s hopes for the barbecue were high indeed. The Lucases lived in Indian Hill, a suburb fteen miles from

downtown and home to the sort of Cincinnatians who enjoyed

owning horses or at least purebred dogs who could roam on

multi-acre properties. The Lucases’ house was a vast brick

colonial with a balcony over the front door and a slate roof. Inthe kitchen, various Bennets embraced various Lucases, Jane

passed off her sponge cake, and Liz walked to the window to

survey the dozen or so guests already chatting on the agstone

patio in the backyard. “Jane, come see your future husband,”

she called merrily.

Jane joined her. “I take it Chip Bingley is the tall, dark, andhandsome one?”

Charlotte Lucas said, “No, Chip is the guy in the seer-

sucker shorts. The tall, dark, and handsome one is his friend

Fitzwilliam Darcy, who joined the stroke center at the University

of Cincinnati last year as a neurosurgeon. The rumor is he’salso single, but he’s kind of standofsh. He and Chip went to

medical school together.” Charlotte turned to Jane. “Did you

really never watch Eligible when Chip was on?”

“She’s never watched any of Eligible ” Liz said “She’s like


6/12

“Oh, Chip’s season was fantastic,” Charlotte said. “There was

an actual physical ght involving ripped-out hair extensions.”

Mary, who had caught up to her mother’s car on the drive

out, said, “I nd Eligible degrading to women.”“So you’ve mentioned.” Liz glanced at Charlotte. “Did you

say Chip’s friend’s name is Fitzwilliam, and if so, did he just sail

over on the Mayower ?”

“He goes by his last name.” Charlotte grinned. “Though I’m

not sure Darcy is much better.”

In recent years, Charlotte and Liz hadn’t spent time togetherbeyond Christmas parties or lunches scheduled during Liz’s

trips home from New York, but they still took immense plea-

sure in each other’s company. Indeed, it had been one of the

highlights of Liz’s longer-term return to Cincinnati to resume

her friendship with Charlotte in a genuine fashion, as adults,and to nd that her enjoyment of the woman was no less than it

had been of the girl. They only half-jokingly speculated about

whether they were the last two single people from their high

school class, though Liz wondered if Charlotte suffered from

this distinction more acutely—Charlotte lived in Cincinnati,

where her mother could nag her at closer proximity; she didn’thave the buffer of an older sister who was, ostensibly, even more

overdue to marry; she did wish to have children; and she didn’t

have a secret boyfriend.

“Chip is shorter than he looks on TV, right?” Charlotte

said. “But denitely cute. And that guy in the V-neck, Keith,is another new emergency doctor”—the man in question

was black, the only non-white person at the party—“and the

woman in the striped dress is an intern. The man next to her

is her husband and that toddler is theirs ” In addition to these


7/12

two older couples Liz had previously met at the Lucases’ New

Year’s Day open house; the men in both couples also worked as

doctors at Christ Hospital.

“Is Keith single, too?” Liz asked. “Because if he is, Jane,there’s basically a man buffet for you to pick from.”

“I might remind you,” Mr. Bennet said as he blithely xed

himself a gin and tonic at the nearby wet bar, “that you’re not

observing those gentlemen from behind a two-way mirror.”

Mr. Bennet held up his hand, and Dr. Lucas waved back.

“I doubt they read lips,” Liz said. Jane turned to Charlotte. “Is the blond woman a doctor?”

“That’s Caroline Bingley, Chip’s sister. She lives in LA, but

she’s helping him get settled here.”

“Chip is handsome,” Jane said, and Liz and Charlotte

exchanged an amused look.“Then let’s go out and I’ll introduce you,” Charlotte said.


8/12

Chapter 8

After the urry of greetings, Liz found herself talking to Keith, who was congenial and, she quickly discovered, engaged to a

woman nishing her medical residency in San Diego. By the

time the chicken breasts had been grilled, and the potato salad,

coleslaw, and rolls set out, Liz and Keith had covered the topics

of San Diego’s climate, Cincinnati’s climate, and Cincinnati’sfamous chili, which Keith had not yet sampled. As Liz and

Keith moved on to Keith’s interest in golf, Liz was gratied

to observe that Jane appeared to be deep in conversation with

Chip Bingley; that conversation continued as Jane and Chip

procured food and took seats side by side on a mortared stone

retaining wall, soon joined by Chip’s sister Caroline. When Liz had prepared her own plate of food, she walked to

the four-person patio table where Fitzwilliam Darcy was sitting

with the husband of the intern and one of the older doctors.

The older doctor and the husband were discussing how the

Reds were faring this season, and, addressing Fitzwilliam Darcy(or, Liz reminded herself, just Darcy), Liz pointed to the empty

chair. “Is this seat taken?”

“It is,” Darcy said. He didn’t temper his rebuff with any

apology and Liz assumed he must have misheard her; he must


9/12

She said, “It is taken?”

“Yes,” Darcy said, and he remained unapologetic. “It is.”

In spite of Charlotte’s warning about Darcy seeming stand-

ofsh, Liz was so disconcerted that she was tempted to say, Forgive me for imagining I was worthy of sharing your table. So

he had gone to Harvard Medical School; so he was a neuro-

surgeon—neither fact gave him carte blanche to be rude. Before

moving away, she smiled in a manner she hoped he understood

was fake.

Spying Kitty and Lydia nearby, Liz walked to them andperched on the cushioned ottoman by Kitty’s knees. Her

younger sisters were debating the ideal time to arrive at their

next gathering, which apparently would be hosted by the owner

of their CrossFit gym. Lydia pointed toward the roll on Liz’s

plate. “Don’t carbs make you feel sluggish?”“Everything in moderation,” Liz said. There were many

reasons she found her sisters’ enthusiasm for CrossFit and the

Paleo Diet irritating, including that Liz herself had been famil-

iar with both long before they had, having written an article

about CrossFit back in 2007. Another source of irritation was

that her sisters looked fantastic; they had always been attrac-tive, but since taking up CrossFit, they were practically glowing

with energy and strength.

When Liz’s phone vibrated in her pocket, she was almost

nished eating and even more insulted by Darcy’s snub than

she’d been at rst, because the chair beside him had remainedempty all this time. She took the opportunity to go inside, wash

the barbecue sauce from her hands at the kitchen sink, and

check the message.

Southampton biggest clusterfuck of all time read the text from


10/12

God knows but none will b as bright as u, Jasper texted.

A reference to my sparkling personality or sequined nipple pasties?

Liz typed.

Yowza, Jasper replied.Standing just inside the back door, looking down at her

phone, Liz gradually became aware of a conversation occurring

on the screen door’s other side; after focusing for a few seconds,

she realized the speakers were Chip Bingley and Fitzwilliam

Darcy.

“—much better than I expected,” Chip was saying. “When Itold people I was moving to Cincinnati, I was practically getting

condolences, but it’s not bad at all.”

“Said like a man who’s just spent an hour talking to the

only good-looking woman at the party,” Darcy replied. “Not

counting your sister, of course.” Liz could hear the rattle ofice cubes, then Darcy added, “I’m sure they do their best, but

Cincinnatians are painfully provincial.” Inside the kitchen,

Liz smiled. It was oddly satisfying to receive conrmation of

Darcy’s snobbishness.

In a friendly tone, Chip said, “In your rst year here, you

didn’t nd any lady Buckeyes who met your exacting standards?”“I can hardly think of anything less tempting,” Darcy said.

Chip chuckled. “Someone told me Jane’s sister Liz is single,

too.”

“I suppose it would be unchivalrous to say I’m not surprised.”

Liz’s jaw dropped; abruptly, the eavesdropping had ceasedto be satisfying. Who did this man think he was, and what did

he have against her personally? When being introduced, they

hadn’t exchanged more than ten words.

“Here’s what I’ve learned about the people in this city” Darcy


11/12

is described as sophisticated, it means once during college she

visited Paris, and if someone is described as beautiful, it means

she’s fteen pounds overweight instead of forty. And they’re

obsessed with matchmaking. They act like they’re doing youa favor by conscripting you to have coffee with the elementary

school teacher from their church during the two free hours you

might have in an entire week. I’ve lost count of how many of

my colleagues’ wives have tried to set me up. With your having

been on TV, they must be licking their chops.”

“You know what?” Chip said. “I’m making it my missionto get you a social life in Cincinnati, and don’t try to tell me

that’s an oxymoron. If all you have is two hours a week, let’s

make them a great two hours.” His affectionate tone was, Liz

thought, no particular credit to him—not only was Chip appar-

ently unmoved to defend her from Darcy’s aspersions, but ithadn’t even seemed to occur to the former that his friend’s

words were offensive.

“Good for you if you like it here now,” Darcy said. “And I

don’t mean that facetiously. But I’ll be curious what you think

this time next year.”

As Chip began speaking, Liz pushed open the screen doorand, in an emphatically friendly tone, said, “Hi!” She glanced

from Chip’s face to Darcy’s and, making eye contact with

Darcy, held his gaze for an extra beat. “I was just inside thinking

what grade I’d give myself,” she said. “I realized it would be an

A-plus, but I’ve heard we grade on a curve here, so I’m proba-bly what—more like a B for the coasts? Or a B-minus? If you

have a minute to gure it out, be sure to let me know.” Without

waiting for either to respond, she walked past them, eager to

repeat Darcy’s comments as widely and quickly as she could


12/12
http://www.smarturl.it/EligibleHBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleHBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleHBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleEBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleHBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleEBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleEBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleEBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleHBhttp://www.smarturl.it/EligibleEB

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld - extract

Documents

Transcript of Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld - extract