Involved Parent Magazine

Fall, A Harvest of Learning

Education 4 All, Inc. Fall 2014 Vol. 3, No. 2

Education 4 All’s mission is to help teens and adults be their best at home, school,

work, and in the community!

Education is a life-long process. Our customizd individual and group training

sessions provide evidence-based strategies which can easily be incorporated into

your existing personal and professional environment.

4 places are impacted most by human behavior and interaction: home, school,

work, and the community.

All teens and adults can be their best when they have the appropriate tools and

strategies to do so.

For more information, to schedule individual and group training sessions, and/or

make a tax-deductible donation, please visit: www.education4allinc.com.

© 2014. This magazine is produced through Education 4 All, Inc. P.O. Box

38722; St. Louis, MO 63138. No parts of this magazine are to be copied or printed

without express written permission. For permission, please contact the authors or

Dr. Carletta D. Washington at: carletta@education4allinc.com.

For advertising, please contact Dr. Carletta D. Washington by December 13, 2014,

to be included in our Winter 2015 issue: carletta@education4allinc.com.

If you would like to submit an article for our January 1, 2015 edition, please

contact: carletta@education4allinc.com and be prepared to submit your article no

later than December 13, 2014.

Table of Contents

Well Done! By Dr. Carletta D. Washington Am I My Brother’s Keeper? Is My Brother My Keeper? By Dr. Shonta M. Smith Indecision By Curlie McCalla Parenting with Less Stress By Tierra Gerdine Helping Your Daughter Win the Battle against Obesity By Kem Smith Rising Above By Lydia Douglas Important Components of IEP Compliance By Esthere Scott Referring Your Child for Gifted Education By Billie Mathews The Family Kitchen By Angie Sievers Involved Parenting is Good, but There is a Limit By Charlotte Petty It’s How You Play the Game By Robert Jackson Parent Resources

Well Done!

~Dr. Carletta D.

Washington

Personal &

Professional Development

www.education4allinc.com

carletta@education4allinc.com

If done correctly, parenting can be one of

the most rewarding callings on Earth!

Granted, there is NO manual and children do

NOT come with instructions and checklists!

Nevertheless, there are several wonderful

resources that parents can turn to for

assistance when raising happy, healthy,

successful children.

1. The most important resource is the

Holy Bible. There are many scriptures that

relate to how parents are to relate to one

another and to their children. The family is

a key part of God’s Word. In fact, God

references Himself as a parent. What a

powerful example of the embodiment of

love, comfort, guidance, forgiveness,

protection, provision, consequence, and

reward…all qualities of good parenting! All

we need to do is read our Bible and pray; the

answers are right before us.

2. Another resource is our parents. Sometimes, we feel as though our parents

may have been too harsh or they did not do

as good of a job as we would have liked, so

we develop a negative regard for their

parenting style and vow to never be like our

parents. There are some extreme cases and

a few instances, where it may be best to not

emulate our parents. Then, there are other

situations in which we must consider the

circumstances surrounding our childhood,

including our parents’ background as

children. Additionally, we must consider

the parenting styles of family members from

even earlier generations.

Considering the backgrounds of parents

within previous generations of our own

family permits us to forgive our parents and

to acknowledge them for the good that they

brought into our lives, no matter the degree.

As a result, we learn how to:

commit to being better parents than

the examples within our family,

break cycles that appear rooted

within our family (i.e., abuse,

addiction, neglect, depression,

illiteracy, poverty)

3. This leads to the 3rd

point: Trusting

our own instinct. We all have an innate

sense of right and wrong. It is a very sad

commentary when parents feel they cannot

trust themselves as parents. It is okay to be

confident in your parenting style.

Ultimately, YOU are responsible for your

children’s upbringing. It is up to you to

teach your children to grow up being happy,

healthy, and successful.

There are times when you will need to stand

firm in your decisions pertaining to your

children and what you deem necessary for

their overall wellbeing. Your children and

others will need to know that you mean

business and that you have your children’s

best interest at heart. So do not waver or

second guess yourself, particularly when

there is a clear line between what is and

what is not in your children’s overall best

interest (i.e., underage drinking, gangs,

attending certain parties/concerts, dating).

The greatest indicator of a job well done

is when you see your children with their

children. When you see your grandchildren

and great grandchildren happy, healthy, and

successful! You know that your role as

parents is a job well done!

Am I My Brother’s Keeper?

Is My Brother My Keeper?

~Dr. Shonta M. Smith

www.drshontasmith.com

Have we agreed to embrace, respect, honor,

and love one another?

One Team…

One Goal…

One Band…

One Sound…

working together as a collective body doing

what is in the best interest of children!

Allies share common purposes, goals, and

objectives. As allies, we must remember

why we have been called to duty. It is our

duty to properly train and educate our

children.

As allies, we work in collaborative teams

and find common ground. That common

ground allows us to put our differences to

the side, agree to disagree, and work

towards a common goal. That goal is

simple, preparing our children to become

productive citizens who positively

contribute to society.

In order to meet this goal, we must—on a

consistent basis—do what is in the best

interest of children. Consistency is the

key. Unfortunately, we have not been

consistent and oftentimes it appears we have

no interest in consistency.

This is a new day and we need to do

things in a new way. Our children are not

the children of yesterday. They do things

differently. In case you have not been

paying attention, I ask that you begin to pay

attention. Pay attention because our

children need you. You are the Essence of

Education!

Without you—our children’s future looks

very grim. We need you to focus and

prepare our children for the future. If our

children cannot read, write, and do

arithmetic, what does the future hold? If our

children do not have basic life skills, how

can they function? If our children lack

guidance and direction, then who will lead

them?

As allies, if we are honest and up front

with ourselves in answering these

questions, we will not be impressed with

the response. If we look at the writing on

the wall, we know it is horrific. It is scary

and it causes great pain. When any of us is

in pain, we want relief. In order to relieve

that pain, we must identify the problem,

state the cause, provide a solution, and

implement a plan of action.

We have identified the problem, know the

cause, and have provided various solutions.

Now it is time for action! America, we are

experiencing an epidemic! We are failing

our children! It is imperative that we not

just say we are allies; we must truly be allies

and work together. We know what we must

do and it is time we do it! Stop talking

about it and be about it! Today is a great

day to do what is in the best interest of

children!

Indecision

~Curlie McCalla

Relationship Expert

curliemccalla@gmail.com

Have you ever come to a crossroad and

didn’t know where to go or what to do? Or

maybe you looked up into the heavens and

said, “God, please help me, I’m scared.”

At some point(s) in our life, either we have

been there, are currently there, or will get

there. Regardless of where we find

ourselves, it can be frustrating, confusing,

and immobilizing. If and when you find

yourself there, I invite you to consider the

following.

First, accept the feeling. Whether that

feeling is anxiety, confusion, sadness or

anger, lean into it. This will help you be

practical about what to do next. Once you

accept the feeling, you then identify the root

cause of that feeling; however, be

completely honest with yourself. When you

come to terms with your feelings, you can

move forward in making a rational decision. Oftentimes we are indecisive because deep

down we do not want to know the answer.

This may seem odd because we say we want

to know, but we avoid the “knowing”. In

truth, we may not want to do what it takes to

get us moving. We consciously, or

unconsciously, stay stuck so we don’t have

to deal with the issues.

Some people try to “just shake the feeling”;

this won’t help us get clear, we have to

accept the feeling and dig deep inside

ourselves to get the answer. This is the time

when we need to be still and connect with

God or Spirit…whether through prayers,

meditation, or plain writing out our feelings.

Clarity will come once we are open to it.

Accepting the feeling is the precursor to

identify where that feeling is coming

from. In most cases we are hiding from

something that we don’t want to face. It

could be something or someone that we

know we need to let go. Many times it is the

fear of stepping outside of our comfort zone

and doing the things that are uncomfortable,

but necessary for our growth. The bottom

line is, it really doesn’t matter what the

reason, we have to look beyond the obstacle

and know that a decision is better than not

making one.

“If you choose to not deal with an issue,

then you give up your right of control over

the issue and it will select

the path of least resistance.”

― Susan Del Gatto

Practice making sound decisions is good for

our growth. Indecisiveness is poison to self.

This can cripple us mentally, spiritually, and

physically. Allowing indecision or

procrastination to continue to lurk in the

mind, won’t give space for new and

healthier thoughts to surface. When our

minds are nagged at and gnawed at with

energy zapping thoughts, it begins to affect

our whole being. We find we won’t pray or

meditate, which leads us into self-doubt and

self-condemnation. Our bodies start to

respond negatively with pain or discomfort

that leads us into inaction. If we want to be

in control of our future, and if we want to

enjoy life at its fullest—then, we must start

by making decisions.

Parenting with Less Stress

~Tierra Gerdine

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that

being a parent can be stressful. This is

especially true for parents who are either

working, going to school, or doing both.

This article is to help you find a way to

reduce your stress levels while still making

sure you’re being a great parent.

Step 1

Recognizing “when” you are stressed.

I typically get stressed in the evenings.

After work, my routine involves cleaning

up, cooking dinner, and picking up our

daughter. Can you think of the time of the

day that is most stressful for you? Once I

was able to figure out when I’m typically

stressed, I was able to move to the next step.

Step 2

Recognizing “what” causes your stress.

I become stressed because I know that I

have a very limited amount of time to finish

my routine before bedtime. Therefore, I

stress about time.

When I realized that time is what was

causing my stress, I began to think of all the

ways I could “buy myself more time.” I did

this by carrying a personal planner. I wrote

down everything that needed to be done

while setting only a certain amount of time

aside to do it. At times, I will even set a

reminder or alarm on my phone so that I

know the best time to complete my task.

This method of reducing my stress has truly

helped me. Additionally, as you begin to

discover more of the “what’s” behind your

stress, you’ll be able to find ways to

decrease your stress. As mentioned earlier,

this article is for helping you, as a parent,

reduce stress while still being a great parent.

What has helped me is thinking about

what I have to get done, and tailoring that

to what I know my daughter enjoys. For

example, I’m the type of person who doesn’t

like to leave dishes in the sink by the end of

the night. I make it a priority each day to

get them done. So, I found a way to wash

them with my daughter. It helps that

toddlers love soap bubbles; I use that to my

advantage. Her helping me allows us to

spend time together, get my routine done,

and reduce my stress.

For those of you who have older children,

this method may not work the same.

However, you can always tailor this method

to fit your needs. For instance, make it into

a game. Each person gets 30 seconds to see

how many dishes they can wash, and

whoever gets the most done, wins. This will

also give you the same satisfaction of

spending time with your child, completing a

task on your to-do-list, and reducing your

stress.

Overall, life is too short to be stressed all

the time. In everything you do:

smile,

laugh, and

be positive.

You will see your stress start to decrease!

Helping Your Daughter Win the

Battle against Obesity

~Kem Smith

www.kissfitnessstudio.com

www.kemsmith.com

Most parents work hard on their jobs

because they want to give their children as

many financial, physical, emotional, and

spiritual advantages as possible. They put

their babies in the best schools and surround

them by good influences. What these

hardworking parents don’t realize is that

there is something going on with girls that

teachers can’t fix, administrators can’t fix,

and parents struggle trying to get ahold of;

negative body image.

Research indicates that almost 54 percent

of American girls and women aged 12 to

23 years old are unhappy with their

bodies. As adults, we know that these girls

will blossom and grow into beautiful women

with a shape and physique of their own.

Unfortunately, body unhappiness often

means girls will shy away from the very

activities that will lead them to the bodies

they want.

Studies further indicate that 75% of girls

as young as 9 years old have dieted 2-3

times in a year. Fad diets are everywhere.

The problem with these diets is that they

work temporarily. When a person goes back

to eating normally the pounds come back

with a vengeance. How many people are

interested in seeing their daughters yo-yo

diet and join the 90% of African-American

women who are currently overweight in

America? I would venture to say no one.

Now is the best time to consider hiring a

Certified Personal Trainer Coach to walk

your daughter through a life of fitness by

helping her work through nutritional best

practices, develop lean muscle mass, and

identify the best personalized fitness

program for her.

Personal trainers who also have

experience with nutrition can help girls

work through nutritional best practices. Girls who want to lose weight will often

revert to what I call the “starvation

formula.” They chose not to eat, or eat a

bunch of salads until they lose weight.

Sometimes their diets are even more drastic

and they suffer from a broken diet.

Truthfully, most people are already

dehydrated, lack vitamins and minerals;

need more protein and essential fatty acids.

To go on a starvation diet does not help.

Personal trainers can help fix broken diets

by teaching and holding your daughters

more accountable for how they eat.

Personal trainers can help a young girl

replace fatty tissue with lean muscle

tissue. Now, every woman who I train says,

“I don’t want to look like a guy.” I have to

explain to them that they don’t have

testosterone that will make them look like a

guy and that they don’t eat or train like a

body builder. However, the more a young

lady works with a trainer, the more she will

understand the design of her body. How

lifting weights will make her stronger. How

fatty tissue is simply covering muscle that’s

already there and as she combines cardio

and weight training, those muscles will be

revealed. The result is, her jeans will fit

better. Her muscles will be more defined.

Suddenly, newfound confidence will appear

on the scene. Working with her personal

trainer role model will help her begin to

develop into the body image she hopes for

every morning when she changes clothes

repeatedly in front of the mirror. Mom’s

will be happy because there will definitely

be less laundry.

Personal trainer coaches have a knack for

developing personalized fitness and

nutritional plans. They can monitor the

results on a bi-weekly basis. Most trainers

are excellent at outcome-based decision-

making, in other words Personal trainer

coaches know what your goals are, work

with you, and hold you accountable to eating

right and exercising at the same time.

Often, I hear adults say, “I try to lose

weight, but I can never eat right and exercise

at the same time.”

A good diet + proper exercise program =

Fitness.

Remember, eating right and exercising can

be as confusing for teens as it is for adults.

For me, personally, body image has

always been a thorn in my side. I grew up

with ‘baby making hips’ and a plump

behind. It didn’t help that I had A cups

when the boys always went for D’s. Looking

back over my life, there were times when I

denied myself the opportunity to participate

in Physical Education class, sports activities,

and recreational events because I thought I

was too plump.

Our girls need to:

develop positive body images,

be able to recognize a dangerous fad

diets, and

become more comfortable in their

own skin.

Personal trainers can be hidden tools in

developing the future generation’s healthier

habits and winning the fight against obesity.

There are three reasons to get your teen

daughter a personal trainer.

First, a trainer can be a role model

for fitness.

A trainer can recommend healthy

eating strategies.

Lastly, a trainer can help teens

replace fat with lean muscle tissue.

~Kem Smith

www.kissfitnessstudio.com

www.kemsmith.com

Rising Above

~Lydia Douglas

www.booksbylydia.com

Now that the school year is underway, I

challenge all of our young people to stay

focused. In doing so, they will be able to rise

above all of their fears concerning this new

school year. Rising above our fears is not

easy all of the time. It takes work and

concentration.

There is no doubt in my mind that all of our

young people and students will succeed in

everything they commit themselves to do

and fulfill all of their dreams and goals.

However, we must encourage them to just

take one day at a time and tell themselves

that today will be better than yesterday. All

they have to do is put some action behind

their goals and dreams.

They must set some goals and principles for

themselves. For example:

Aim High: When one test is passed or

accomplished, you can always aim a little

higher and accomplish even greater things,

because you have a made up mind.

Believe in yourself: One of the greatest

examples of believing in yourself is doing

your very best and being proud of your

accomplishments. If no one else believes in

you, believe in yourself. It is amazing what

you can accomplish if only you believe in

yourself.

Use your brain: Your brain is like a

parachute; if you do not use it, it will lay

dormant, become weak, and be good for

nothing. Please use your brain to make you

a better, stronger, and more confident

person.

Are you ready to go higher? Your answer

should be yes. Remember who is number

one; it is you! So the choices and decisions

that you are about to make will affect you

first. And I know you want some good

results to follow.

Never quit: Perseverance is the key to

success. You cannot stop along the way and

get off track. That will be time wasted. The

energy that will be shown on the first day of

school should be same from the beginning,

middle, and the end.

There are going to be some hard days but

never give up. You never know what you

might miss if you quit.

Expect to win: No one can or will believe

in you more than you yourself. So always

keep a great deal of expectation to win in

your heart.

To accomplish your goals, you have to

remove doubt. And when this is done, you

will be prepared with a great level of faith

and then you will be able to move forward

and act upon whatever your heart desires.

And when that time comes in your life, you

will be able to walk through all of the doors

of opportunities that will be opened unto

you.

Also remember that education is the key to

unlock any door in any direction in which

you wish to go.

When all of these have been accomplished,

you will be ready to Rise Above any faults

and failures that may come your way!

Important Components for IEP

Compliance

~Esthere Scott, M.Ed.

School is back in session and that means

Individualized Education Plans (IEP’s) are

here as well. I want to equip parents with

information regarding the IEP process and

what to expect. You have the right to

question any of these components if you do

not understand them fully. If this occurs, the

special education teacher or school

psychologist is expected to clarify any piece

of information. Here are the important

components to the IEP process:

When? Timelines for the IEP. A meeting

to develop an IEP must be held within 30

calendar days of a determination of an

educational diagnosis. IEP services cannot

begin until 10 days after the meeting unless

you sign a Notice of Action. There can be no

undue delay in providing special education

and related services to your student. An IEP

must be in effect before special education

and related services are provided.

Required IEP Components...

• Present level of academic achievement

and functional performance — includes

how your child's disability affects his or her

involvement and progress in general

education, plus examples; the strengths of

your child; your concerns about the

education of your child; changes in the

current functioning of your child since the

initial or prior IEP; a summary of the most

recent evaluation or re-evaluation; a

summary of the results of your child's

performance on any general and district-

wide assessments.

• Measurable annual goals — academic or

functional goals are the targets toward which

your child's special education services are

directed and focus on individual

instructional areas. Goals should be

formulated as SMART goals (Specific,

measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely).

• Special education and related services — such as physical therapy, occupational

therapy, adaptive therapy, music therapy,

social work, transportation, vision/hearing

services, orientation/mobility services,

medical services for diagnostic/evaluation

purposes, parent training/counseling,

rehabilitation counseling.

• Program adaptations and modifications — statements of supplementary aids,

services, supports, and equipment.

• Dates — when services begin, duration of

services, date of the IEP meeting, a review

date if desired.

• Procedure for evaluation of the IEP —

when and how your child's performance and

the effectiveness of the plan will be

evaluated.

• Program placement recommendations — how your child will receive special

education services.

• Transition planning for students age 16

and older.

The right to a free appropriate public

education (FAPE)

• Free — at no charge to parents

• Appropriate — your child benefits from

the program

• Public — public money is used to provide

services

• Education—the right to participate in

the same curriculum as peers who are not

disabled

The right to FAPE does not include the

right to select a classroom, school or

district, a specific teacher or implementer,

or a particular methodology. It also does

not include medical treatments.

Referring Your Child for Gifted

Education

~Billie G. Mathews,

B.A., M.A., PhD (ABD)

Professional Development

Curriculum Development

billiegmathews@gmail.com

505 617-0543 As a parent of a Gifted learner and a teacher

of the Gifted, I am an advocate for referral

of students for Gifted education programs.

Of particular concern is the subject of when,

how, and why a student should be referred.

“When” should a student be referred for

evaluation for Gifted education? As with

any consideration in any situation involving

a student’s learning, early intervention is

key. Gifted learners are often those students

who are finished with classwork before

other students and show advanced and/or

creative learning styles. Early identification

for Gifted learners supports student learning.

Through this support, the message we send

to students is that their learning matters.

“How” should students be referred for

evaluation for Gifted education? Gifted

education and evaluation/qualification is

defined and outlined at state and district

levels. Generally, classroom teachers refer

students for evaluation for giftedness. When

students are not referred by classroom

teachers, parents/families can discuss the

gifted qualities of their children and request

a referral. After all, parents/families, “You

are your child’s/children’s first teachers.”

Last, but not least, “why” should students

be referred for Gifted evaluation? One of

the most important reasons that students

should be referred is that the learning needs

of Gifted students cannot be adequately

addressed in regular education classrooms.

Educators with special training in the area of

Gifted education are able to effectively

address the learning needs of students who

are deemed as “gifted” through the

evaluation process. While it is important that

students participate in a variety of school

activities with peers of their age group, they

should be able to learn in a differentiated

manner based on Gifted

evaluation/qualification.

Helpful agency websites where more

information can be obtained include:

National Association for Gifted

Children (NAGC)

The National Research Center on the

Gifted and Talented (NRC/GT)

U.S. Department of Education,

Gifted

Your state department of education

websites

Together, we can work to meet the needs of

all learners.

References

National Association for Gifted

Children, NAGC, (n.d.) Retrieved from

http://www.nagc.org/

The National Research Center on the

Gifted and Talented (NRC/GT),

(n.d.).Retrieved from

http://www.gifted.uconn.edu/nrcgt/

U.S. Department of Education, (n.d.),

Subpart 6 – Gifted and Talented

Students. Retrieved from

http://www2.ed.gov/policy/elsec/leg/ese

a02/pg72.html

The Family

Kitchen

~Angie Sievers

Founder/President

The St. Louis Cooks

www.thestlouiscooks.com

Cooking in the kitchen can be fascinating

for kids. They see their parents working

hard preparing a meal: watching the steam

from a pot as it boils, checking the oven to

see if the meat is ready, chopping the

vegetables, and getting the table ready. Kids

of all ages are intrigued by what takes place

in the kitchen so why not get them involved,

even at a young age. Below are a few tips to

help you get started…

1. Most importantly, you must choose the

right time to invite them. It’s not a good

idea to enlist their help when you need to

prepare a meal very fast. Instead, involve

the kids on the weekend when there is plenty

of time or earlier in the day for younger

children.

2. Be strategic in what you decide to

prepare with the kids. For younger kids,

recipes with only four or five ingredients

would be best. A tossed salad or an easy

brownie recipe can be good starters. The

younger kids can just add the ingredients to

the bowl while the older kids can do the

measurements, add the ingredients, and stir

unassisted. One of our favorite family meals

to cook is homemade pizzas. It’s a great

meal for kids of all ages. The older kids can

spread on the sauce and maybe help with

chopping, while the younger kids can put on

the toppings and the cheese.

3. While you are in the kitchen with the

kids, always emphasize safety. Teach

them not to touch whirling mixers, hot

stovetops, or hot pans. Talk about what

kitchen tasks are just for adults. Establish

consistent kitchen rules such as washing

your hands frequently, not touching knives,

certain knobs, etc.

4. Be sure to loosen up and put on your

patient cap while the kids are in the

kitchen. Your experience will be more

enjoyable if you know and understand there

will be extra messes. Even if everything

isn’t going perfectly, keep the mood light

and fun. Guide children with the same

suggestions. If they filled the muffin cups

too high, let them try it again. Little by

little, they will be more comfortable and

master many tasks.

5. Last, but certainly not least, be sure to

praise them for their assistance in the

kitchen. Offer them first taste of what you

cooked together. Also, we get creative with

our recipes and give full credit to our little

junior chefs. For example, if Jack helped

me with a specific dish, we might call it

Jack’s Perfect Brownies, Nick’s Awesome

Salad, Melanie’s Famous Pork Chops, and

so on.

This past weekend, we decided to make our

favorite snack – white chocolate covered

strawberries and pretzels. I handle all the

prep work and melt the chocolate. The kids

take care of the fun part - dipping the

strawberries and pretzels in the chocolate.

This is a great recipe to involve the kids in

the kitchen.

http://thestlouiscooks.com/2014/09/14/white

-chocolate-strawberries-and-pretzels/

Get cooking in the kitchen

with the family! Bon Appetite!

Involved Parenting is Good, but

There is a Limit

~Charlotte Petty

Several months ago, a friend recommended

that I write on “helicopter parenting” and its

effects for this column. His question was:

“Is helicopter parenting creating a society

where narcissism is the new normal?”

The term “helicopter parent” appeared as

early as 1969 in the book Between Parent

and Teenager by Dr. Haim Ginott

according to www.wow.com. The term

refers to parents who are overly involved in

the lives of their teen and young adult

children.

Some sources credit the term to college

administrators referring to students whose

parents interfere in the normal college

processes typically done only between the

school and students. Wow.com defines it as

a parent who pays extremely close attention

to a child's experiences and problems,

particularly at educational institutions.

Journalist Rachael Rettner reports on the

impact of “Helicopter parents” in her article

titled, ‘Helicopter’ Parents Have Neurotic

Kids, Study Suggests (2010). Her article

references Neil Montgomery’s research on

this topic. Neil Montgomery, a psychologist

at Keene State College in New Hampshire

suggested that there is a trend toward over

parenting in some areas of our society. This

includes parents who are too involved even

in their children’s education from the

perspective of what happens in the

classroom.

Over parenting signs include not allowing

a child to work through some problems and

issues on their own. Madeline Levine, a

practicing psychologist in Marin County,

California and author of The Price of

Privilege: how parental pressure and

material advantage are creating a

generation of disconnected and unhappy

kids published in 2006, describes over

parenting as parents who are physically

"hyper-present" but psychologically absent.

I describe it as a parent not looking at their

child’s development and not seeing them as

an individual with specific needs relative to

their own person. Instead, responding to

their child so as to ensure there is no sign of

physical neglect and involvement; however,

not really knowing their child as an

individual.

According to results from the study, students

with helicopter parents tend to be more self-

conscious, less open to new ideas and

actions, more vulnerable, and anxious

compared to their counterparts with more

distant parents.

Signs of over involvement during the

college years might include:

calling college students to wake

them for classes daily or

contacting a student’s professor to

ask about their grades which doesn’t

allow a student to grow and learn to

face issues on their own.

At the college level, there are FERPA

laws (Family Educational Rights and

Privacy Act) which require instructors

not to discuss a student’s performance

with anyone other than that student,

unless the student has given permission

for the instructor to do so. Do some

students need laws to protect them from

over parenting?

These are just a few examples of over

parenting. Some research suggests what over

parenting is, is not clear. Other studies say,

it is one of those things that we know it

when we see it even if we can’t define it.

Research also states that students with

helicopter parents may not have some of the

aforementioned symptoms described.

As a college instructor, I believe we are

moving to more and more devices to help

with the effects of helicopter parenting. There are more methods in place to warn

students when they are doing poorly,

including individuals who will conference

with a student who is not doing well in

college. I have no problem letting a student

know when he or she is not performing and

providing extra help if necessary.

I remember in both undergraduate and

graduate school, the syllabus was a course

agreement and if it was a well-structured

syllabus, you clearly knew when you

weren’t doing well, if you missed

assignments, and your grade based on the

grades you received on assignments. It was

then the student’s responsibility to seek out

the help needed. No one took you aside in

college and told you to get it together.

Today, colleges do more hand holding than

ever.

Too often, as teens and young adults,

students are not being allowed to fail. Failing permits the opportunity to:

learn,

grow,

understand shortcomings, and

to work to fix them.

When there is no failure and

acknowledgement of failure, individuals

don’t grow. Young people need to fail,

make mistakes, and learn what adjustments

they need to make personally in order to be

successful on their own terms.

I love quotes!

Zig Ziglar who was an extremely

successful salesman, turned

motivational speaker said,

“Failure is an event, not a person.”

Life has good and bad events from which we

can learn. Teenagers and young adults must

be allowed to learn from their events and not

have someone to try and fix everything for

them. Otherwise, they risk becoming

individuals who can’t cope on their own.

It’s How You Play the Game

~Robert Jackson, Jr.

Violence off the field of sports has

been a major topic of discussion

specifically, the sport of football.

Many of you have seen the infamous

video of Baltimore Raven's

running back, physically assaulting

his wife (fiancée at the time) and

leaving her unconscious. Or

Minnesota Viking's player charged

with child abuse, as a result of whelp

marks on his child's body and later

admitting that he might have went

overboard.

Studies have shown there is a link

between aggressive behavior on the

field and the ability/inability to

transition that behavior into a calmer

demeanor in order to function in

everyday life.

Children who participate in sports are

indoctrinated with the concept that

having an aggressive attitude will

determine how successful of an

athlete they can become. From there,

the seeds of aggression have been

planted and are chronologically

nurtured through fans egging on

brutal collisions, along with sending

mixed signals such as, "Hit your

opponent hard, but don't hurt him."

As the athlete progresses towards

higher levels of competition, their

aggressive attitude continues to

manifest in a rapid manner due to

their environment being transformed

into the days of the gladiators.

The problem is some people can't

distinguish the difference between

being aggressive versus being highly

competitive. Signs of an athlete being

overly aggressive include:

wanting to win a competition

by any means necessary, even

if it involves injuring an

opponent

bending or breaking the rules to

gain an upper hand

It is important that society put sports

in its proper perspective by

encouraging athletes to just do their

best. Win, lose, or draw, it’s about

how you play the game.

Flat Out TV signs on with

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