Discipleship Part II: Growing Deeper as...

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Discipleship Part II:

Growing Deeper as Disciples

Week 6

Handling Conflict Biblically

“Disciples who are growing, serving and reaching out

to others so that they become disciples.”

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CONFLICT

Day One

THE CHURCH

Conflict is not fun. There are not many people who enjoy conflictual situations. Sadly, there are

some who thrive upon it and are constantly seeking it. But for the most part, people avoid, deny,

or try to ignore when conflicts arise. Two definitions for conflict found in the Mirriam-Webster

dictionary are; 1) a fight or competitive action of incompatibles or 2) a mental struggle resulting

from opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands. Both of these definitions

do not sound pleasant.

We need to understand that when conflict takes place in a certain place there are dire

consequences. We are talking about the Church. When there is conflict in the Church there can

be damage and casualties in which people are lost forever. To truly grasp the magnitude of

conflict in the Church we must first make sure that we know, without a shadow of a doubt, what

is the Church. Today we are going to study the Church.

The Greek word that is used most often for the Church is ekklesia. This literally means the

called forth or the assembly. It is found 115 times in the New Testament. The ekklesia or the

Church are those who respond to the call from sin to salvation, from death to life. The first time

the word, ekklesia was used was in a powerful exchange between Jesus and Peter.

1. Jesus built His Church upon faith in Him.

Matthew 16:18

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One does not join the Church by going through certain classes. One does not join the Church by

entering into doors of a building. The Church is not brick and mortar. The Church is not just a

random gathering or collection of people. The Church is those who are saved and are following

Christ. The Church is those who have been redeemed or bought by God.

2. To join the Church we must be saved.

Acts 2:41

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We Christians, all make up the Church. We are an assimilation of believers who make one

House. It is not an ordinary House. It is not an earthly House. It is a House in which God

Himself resides. It is a House of Holiness. It is a House that will endure forever and ever.

3. The Church is not a temporary building, it is a spiritual entity.

1 Peter 2:5

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As Christians make up the Church we are all in it together. We need each other. We complete

one another. When we are saved we did not get saved to be lone rangers. We did not get saved

to get our way. When we are the Church we are to help those around us draw closer to God.

4. The Church is about others.

Romans 12:5

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The New Testament Christians completely understood that the Church was not a building but it

was them. They talked about themselves as the Church. They knew that they were to be

different than those who did not know Christ. They did not go to Church, they were the Church.

There were several places where we see this in scripture (Philemon 2, 1 Corinthians 16:19,

Romans 16:5).

5. The Church does not have a fixed physical address.

Colossians 4:15

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This is an important point that sometimes we people forget. We do not own the Church. We are

not the head of the Church. We are the called out but we are not in charge. Unfortunately, many

forget the fact that the Church already has an owner and a boss and it is not us.

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6. Christ is the head of the Church.

Ephesians 1:22

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As Christ is the head, He is the focus. We are called out by Him, called to Him, and called to

make a difference for Him. The Church is special. She, we are the bride of Christ and He is our

bridegroom. We belong to Him. He is supreme over all.

7. It is all about Jesus.

Colossians 1:18

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We have talked about the Church because we need to understand that if there is conflict in or

among the Church that it is serious. The Church is God’s and if we introduce conflict into the

Church then we are stepping into dangerous areas. We are tampering with what is God’s. If we

have or are currently bringing conflict into God’s Church we are treading on very thin ice.

Do we need to repent of ever bringing a conflict into God’s Church? Do we need to repent of

ever having a conflict with another member of the Church who is the Church? Do we need to

repent to God because we have tried to usurp His authority over the Church?

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What key point are you taking from this lesson?

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How are you going to apply that to your life?

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Write out the first thirty-six books of the Bible three times

Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, Joshua, Judges, Ruth, 1 Samuel, 2 Samuel,

1 Kings, 2 Kings, 1 Chronicles, 2 Chronicles, Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther, Job, Psalms, Proverbs,

Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Lamentations, Ezekiel, Daniel, Hosea, Joel,

Amos, Obadiah, Jonah, Micah, Nahum, Habakkuk, Zephaniah

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http://www.christnotes.org/bible.php?book=34&ver=kjv



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Write out the Memory verse three times.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not

proud.

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As you pray, begin with at least one statement that acknowledges how big God is and one

statement on something you are thankful for today.

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CONFLICT

Day Two

NEW TESTAMENT CONFLICTS

If conflict can be so harmful, why is it so abundant? Conflict occurs because we don’t pause to

think about the consequences. Conflict can take place because we are only viewing the situation

from our perspective. Conflict has been with us since the beginning of creation. Cain killed

Abel out of jealousy.

Throughout the New Testament we have many examples of conflict. We are going to examine

several situations where conflict occurred to realize how similar those who lived during that time

are to us today.

There are times when conflict may arise in our lives because we feel we know best. We think

that we have the best solution and we don’t care what anybody else thinks. So we charge ahead

regardless of the outcome. How many times in our lives have we wished we would have stepped

back instead of rushed ahead? Many conflicts arise because we forge ahead instead of being

still.

1. Peter thought he was helping Jesus.

John 18:10

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Conflict can also arise when we get our feelings hurt. We feel we are owed something and we

don’t get it. We feel that we are passed over. When we feel our needs are not being met, instead

of remembering we all are the Church, we internalize that our needs are more important than

others. When we focus on ourselves, we can fall victim to conflict.

2. There was a group in the Church feeling they were not being treated fair.

Acts 6:1

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The Apostle Paul did not shy away from conflict. He understood that if conflict was not

addressed that it could fester into something terrible. Too often, we people choose to ignore

conflict because we do not feel comfortable in addressing it. Too often, we tend to look the other

way or rationalize it so that we don’t have to deal with it. When there is conflict it can directly

affect our witness of Christ.

3. There was a Church who was ignoring a major conflict.

1 Corinthians 5:1

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God was using Paul and Barnabas to minister to the Gentiles. This was new for the Church.

They were not sure how to accept it. Paul and Barnabas needed to go to Jerusalem to talk to the

leadership to assure them that this was of God. There are times when conflict can occur because

there is a new way of doing things. There are those who do not want to change and there are

those who are forging ahead into the unknown.

4. Conflict can take place when we face new things.

Acts 15:2

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Conflict can also rise when we feel that others have let us down. Maybe we trusted someone and

they broke that trust. Maybe we asked someone to keep something confidential and they shared

it. Maybe we feel that someone abandoned us when times got tough. Paul and Barnabas were a

phenomenal ministry team but they allowed a terrible conflict to separate them.

5. Conflict can break up something that God is using.

Acts 15:39

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When there are those who gather in a common fellowship to worship God and there is conflict it

can affect many. There were two women in the Church in Philippi who were not getting along.

Their conflict was severe and Paul had to address it. If we are participants in conflict in the

Church, it affects more people than we may realize.

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6. Paul begged the women to get along.

Philippians 4:2

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In the Book of Revelation, Jesus addresses seven churches. He condemns five of those churches

because they were failing to uphold the mission. They were commended as well but we have to

remember that they were told if their behavior did not change that they were going to be in

trouble. In each of those situations, a conflictual situation had arisen or was about to arise.

7. Apathy can be a form of conflict.

Revelation 2:4

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As we work through these examples of conflict in the New Testament have we or are we

involved in any similar ones today? If we are, we must not blame anyone else but we need to

come before God and find out what we need to do. We cannot focus on what anyone else does

but we are responsible for our connection to Christ.

If we are involved or have been involved in a conflict like mentioned in the above verses, let us

bring that to the Lord.

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Write out the first thirty-six books of the Bible three times





G__________________ _______________________ ______________________________

E__________________ _______________________ ______________________________

L__________________ _______________________ ______________________________

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Ju__________________ ______________________ ______________________________

R__________________ _______________________ _______________________________

1st S________________ ___________________________ _________________________

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1st K _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

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E _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

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Write out the Memory verse three times.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - Love is _____________, love is kind. It does not ____________, it does not

boast, it is not _______________.

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CONFLICT

Day Three

PERSONAL CONFLICT

When we face conflict it is very easy to assign blame on either the circumstances or other people

involved. We may feel slighted or intentionally wronged. That may or may not be the case. We

have no control over what any other person does or does not do but we do have power over how

we are going to react. When we find ourselves involved in a conflict either with another person

or situation, we can choose to draw upon God’s strength and learn from it and step closer to God.

If, and when, we face conflicts let us take a deep look at why we are being upset about the

situation. Are we dealing with some past issues and instead of taking care of them we have

simply suppressed them and they are being brought up again? Are we being seized by conflict

because we are having to face an area that we know we need to work on? When we find

ourselves in a conflictual situation, let us take a hard, deep look at ourselves first.

1. Many times the conflict is more with us than with others.

James 4:1

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Sometimes we deal with conflict because we are finding ourselves in similar past situations

where we had prior conflict. We have been hurt before by someone or something and now we

are facing the same exact circumstances. Some people either withdraw and hide behind thick

walls so they will not get hurt again or some people lash out first taking the offensive approach

instead of being defensive. If we are in a conflict, let’s make sure that we are not carrying any

past baggage.

2. Past hurts can bring upon present conflicts.

Ephesians 4:31

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One way that we find ourselves in conflictual situations over and over again is with our words.

We talked about the power of words and how we are going to be accountable for our words. Our

words can help and they can heal. Our words can also hurt and tear down. When we are aware

of our words, especially when we face conflict, we will be better off.

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3. Our words can help us stay away from conflict.

Proverbs 15:1

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If we are involved in a conflict but are not doing anything about it that is not healthy. It is not

healthy either for ourselves or for those involved as well. Conflict does not just disappear. It

will reappear in some form or fashion whether we like it or not. Scripture is very clear on the

negative impact that conflict can have upon us and others. We are taught that we are the Church

and we are all one in the Lord. If there is conflict that divides the Church.

4. We are not to run away from conflict.

Matthew 5:23

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There are times when we may feel we are dragged into a conflict or a fight. We were doing fine

but when they brought up that topic, I just had to roll up my sleeves. Remember, we always

have choice. We always have the power to decide for ourselves. The devil does not make us do

anything and neither does anyone else. We can choose not to be captivated by conflict.

5. We don’t have to enter into conflict.

Proverbs 17:14

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Remember the powerful statement – hurting people hurt people. Healthy people do not

intentionally hurt others. Many times when someone is hurting they want those around them to

hurt so that they can be validated. When we feel a conflict may be developing because of

someone, let us remember that they may be hurting and we can be agents of healing instead of

adding to their pain.

6. When we value others more than engaging in a conflict with them we may help them.

Colossians 3:13

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Scripture also tells us that when we are nice to someone who wants to draw us into a conflict that

they may have their eyes opened to what they are doing. When we do not succumb to being

pulled into conflict we glorify God and can help our brothers or sisters.

7. Be nice to those who are not nice and God will sort it out.

Romans 12:20

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Is there anything in our past that is causing present conflicts? Is there anything we need to turn

over to God so that we can be healthy now? If there is, let us take care of it so we can draw

nearer to God.

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Write out the first thirty-six books of the Bible four times








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G__________________ __________________ _______________ _______________

E__________________ __________________ _______________ _______________

L__________________ __________________ _________________ _______________

N__________________ __________________ __________________ _____________

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1st S________________ _________________ __________________ ______________

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1st K _______________ _________________ ___________________ _____________

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1st C_______________ _________________ _________________ _____________

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E _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

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Write out the Memory verse four times.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - ______________ is _____________, love is kind. It does not

____________, it does not ________________, it is not _______________.

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CONFLICT

Day Four

AVOIDING CONFLICT

Conflict separates. Conflict breaks up. We as the Church must remember that we are to be one.

Jesus in His High Priestly prayer in John 17 prayed that we would be one just as He and the

Father are one. Conflict originates from the enemy. We are to recognize its source and to work

together to combat the evil one.

As the early Church was filled with the Holy Spirit they were focused together. They were able

to be in one accord because they knew their purpose and were actively fulfilling it. Conflict can

be avoided when we are keeping our eyes on Christ. When we are doing everything we are

supposed to do we will not have time to do that which we should not do.

1. The early Church kept conflict away by being singularly focused.

Acts 2:42

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As the enemy continually introduces situations and feelings to us that can cause conflict we have

to be aware of this fact. We have to know that if we fall into the trap of conflict that we are

falling prey to the enemy. There can be situations that take place and it may take everything

within us (Christ) not to get bogged down in it. There may be times when we have to rely

completely on Christ so we don’t enter into conflict.

2. Staying out of conflict can take work.

Romans 14:19

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Many times we get too close to conflict. We should stay away from it. Many times we know

people who cause conflict. We either rationalize that is just the way they are or we simply look

the other way. But when we do not hold each other accountable then we can all be hurt. It is not

easy but scripture is very clear about dealing with someone who continually causes conflict.

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3. The Bible says stay away from those causing divisions.

Romans 16:17

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We cannot be double minded. We cannot believe two contradictions. If we want to be strong

and healthy then we must be Biblical and address conflict. If we allow divisions that disrupts the

Church there will be future problems. The Church is without blemish. The Church is holy and

belongs to God. We have to understand that it is imperative that we are united. There can be no

strength if there is no unity. There can be no power if there is no oneness.

4. We have to make sure that we are all on the same page.

1 Corinthians 1:10

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This may seem harsh but if someone is continually causing division and conflict that is harming

the Church something must occur. If a person has been dealt with Biblically but is refusing to

stop causing conflict then action must be taken. If a person has cancer in their body, they do not

want it to remain, it must be taken care of so it does not harm the body.

5. There may be times when tough things need to happen.

1 Corinthians 5;5

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Many times conflict can take place in the Church because there is a refusal to follow leadership.

It is scriptural to follow Godly leadership. Since leaders are human there are always areas that

they can improve but if a leader is Godly and following scripture, they must be followed or that

can cause conflict.

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6. When leaders are not honored that can cause a conflict.

1 Thessalonians 5:12,13

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There has to be one leader or conflict can arise. We see throughout scripture when Israel was

moving the right direction there was one leader. Conflict can occur when those who are not the

leaders want to be the leaders. Let us remember, we are working together for each other so that

others can see Christ.

7. Let’s make sure we are not bringing conflict but peace.

Hebrews 13:17

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Is there any of these areas that we need to turn over to God? Did any of these situations hit close

to home? If they did, how can we make things right?

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Write out the first thirty-six books of the Bible five times





G____________ ____________ ____________ ____________ ____________

E____________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ____________

L____________ ____________ ____________ _____________ ____________

N____________ ____________ ____________ ____________ ____________

D____________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ____________

J____________ ____________ ____________ _____________ ____________

Ju____________ ____________ ____________ ____________ ____________

R____________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ____________

1st S____________ ____________ ____________ _____________ ____________

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1st K____________ ____________ _____________ ____________ ____________

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1st C____________ ____________ ____________ ____________ ____________

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E____________ ____________ ____________ _____________ ____________

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E _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

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Write out the Memory verse five times.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - ______________ is _____________,_____________ is ______________. It

does not ____________, it does not ________________, it is not _______________.

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CONFLICT

Day Five

HOW TO HANDLE CONFLICT

Conflict will not simply vanish. It must be dealt with or it will cause harm. The effects of the

conflict may not be outwardly apparent but if it is not taken care of, it can cause a sinkhole effect

and one day, the bottom drops out. It is not easy to deal with conflict. It causes us to have

sleepless nights and our hearts pounding out our chests. But if we do not handle it we are all

affected.

Many times in the Church, conflict is not addressed because of fear or other reasons. When

conflict is allowed to continue it impacts the effectiveness of the Church in a negative manner.

There are those who do not address conflict because there are heated emotions involved or they

are upset. While it is extremely hard to do so, we must acknowledge conflict so that it can be

handled.

1. We have to be truthful when there is conflict.

Ephesians 4:15

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Many times when there is conflict in a congregation it becomes a terrible witness to those who

do not attend that particular congregation. The reason for this is because people air their dirty

laundry out in public or are wanting to foster support for their side. Paul admonished the Church

in Corinth for making their conflict known and trying to have outside sources take care of it. If

there is a conflict in the Church, it must be handled with love, Biblically, and Christ centered.

2. We are to handle our own conflict.

1 Corinthians 6:1

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One of the most definitive passages on how to handle conflict is found in Matthew 18. It clearly

outlines the steps that must be followed. First, if a person has a conflict they are to go to the

person with whom they have the conflict. Sadly, many times this is not followed. The people

that have the conflicts are generally the last ones to come together or they may never come

together. If you have a conflict with someone, GO TO THEM.

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Do not go to anyone else, go to them. If someone has a conflict with someone else and we do

not direct them to go to the person we are condoning unBiblical behavior. If we are allowing

someone to continually come to us without dealing with conflict in a Biblical manner we are just

as guilty as they are of not handling it in the correct manner. Second, if we have gone to that

person and the conflict is not worked out we are to take one or two Godly people to help us

work it out. We are to rely upon their wisdom and knowledge so that a solution can occur. If

that step does not take place then the third action is to take the conflict to the leadership of the

Church. The leadership of the Church must handle the situation in a Godly manner or else major

consequences can befall the assembly.

3. If the Church followed Matthew 18, there would be much, much less conflict.

Matthew 18:15-17

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We have examined this aspect before but there may be times when radical action has to take

place. This does not come to us from Judge Judy or People’s Court but straight from the pages

of scripture. If we have done everything we can to resolve conflict and it continues there must

be action taken.

4. There are times when hard things have to happen.

1 Corinthians 5:13

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Many people do not want to hurt the feelings of others so they simply coddle or ignore the

conflict that they may have caused. If a person has caused conflict, if we truly love them we will

treat them as scripture outlines. Too many people cause conflict and there appears to be no

observable consequences but there always are. Sometimes it takes tough love before a person

will change.

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5. If we condone bad behavior, it will continue.

2 Thessalonians 3:14,15

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Scripture is very clear about what needs to take place. God’s Word does not beat around the

bush but guides us in the paths of righteousness. When we follow scripture we will be all right.

It is when we stray from the Word of God that we can find ourselves in harmful predicaments.

Many times we allow an individual to cause harm for many.

6. It is better to take care of one person causing harm instead of hurting many.

Titus 3:10

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So if a person causes conflict we are to write them off? According to scripture, if they continue

to cause conflict or are unrepentant, than yes. It does not get any clearer than that. However, as

God is a God of grace and forgiveness we are to be a people who are filled with grace and

forgiveness. But too often, we want to extend grace and forgiveness to them without them

acknowledging they needed it. That not only does not solve the problem but it hurts them as

well. If we do not stand firm in dealing with conflict, it can hinder great things being

accomplished for God.

7. When there is repentance for conflict, there should be forgiveness.

Matthew 18:21,22

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We are all to handle conflict Biblically. It is not just up to the leaders. It is up to us. A healthy

Church is one that handles conflict in a scriptural and healthy manner. An unhealthy Church

ignores conflict or denies the reality of it. As we have an enemy seeking our demise, he will

always be stirring the pot of conflict to boil over but we do not have to fall into it.

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Has there been a time when you have not handled conflict in a Biblical manner according to the

verses above? If there is, what must you do to make it right Biblically?

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Write out the first thirty-six books of the Bible seven times





G_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

E_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

L_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

N_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

D_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

J_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________




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Ju_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

R_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

1st S_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________ ________

2nd S_________ __________ __________ __________ ________ _________ ________

1st K_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _______ ________

2nd K_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ _______ ________

1st C_________ __________ __________ __________ _________ ________ ________

2nd C_________ __________ __________ __________ _________ ________ ________

E_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

N _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

E_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

J_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

P_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

Pr_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

E_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

S_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

I_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

J_________ __________ __________ __________ __________ __________ ________

L _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

E _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

D _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

H _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

J _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

A _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

O _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

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J _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

M _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

N _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

H _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

Z _______________ ____________________________ _________________________

Write out the Memory verse seven times.

1 Corinthians 13:4 - ______________ is _____________, _______________ is _____________.

It ________________ not ____________, it does_______________ not ________________, it

is not _______________.

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Discipleship Part II: Growing Deeper as...

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