Collaborative Problem Solving

www.thinkkids.org © 2016

Collaborative Problem Solving:

How to Help Children and Families Overcome Everyday Obstacles Together

May, 2019 Cedar Rapids, IA Erin Forbes, LMSW


Overview • Beginning: Our CPS Philosophy: How We Understand Challenging Behavior The Thinking Skills Kids Need for Adaptive Behavior • Middle: The Plans: Your Three Options for Responding to Problems

Plan B: Solving Problems and Teaching Skills Collaboratively

• End: Odds and Ends: The Neurobiology of Plan B Helpful Hints and a Few Dead Ends


Our Ideas About Parenting • How do I feel about misbehavior and discipline?

• Where do these ideas come from?

• Who taught me those ideas?

• Do I always agree with them?


Common Ideas About Parenting

• I need to control my children so they respect me and know who’s boss.

• Kids are easily spoiled, and if I give them an inch, they will take a foot.

• The world isn’t easy. I need to prepare my children for hardship by not giving in.

• If I give up my anger, I give up my expectations for my kids.

• If the child wins, the parent loses.


Creating Your Own Style of Treatment & Parenting

• Questions to think about today: o How can your style of treatment or parenting be

something you are proud of? o Can you create your own treatment or parenting

style that has some of what has been proven to work and also includes your own ideas?


CPS: Philosophy Anchor Idea #1:

Kids do well if they can = ✔

Kids do well if they want to =


Kids do Well if they Can

What you believe about WHY a child is

challenging, affects how you respond to that child

SO WHAT?


Traditional Wisdom and Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS):

CPS: “Kids do well if they can” •Children misbehave when they don’t have the skills to do what you’re asking of them

Intervention: Consequences

(Rewards, Punishments, Ignoring)

Traditional wisdom: “Kids do well if they want to” •Children misbehave because of lenient, not consistent parenting •Misbehaving children are trying to get or avoid things

Intervention: Building Skills

Challenging Behavior


What Consequences

Do and Don’t Do DO: Teach basic lessons & provide outward motivation

DON’T: Teach thinking skills & build relationship


Side Effects of

Rewards and Punishments • More outside motivation = less inner motivation

• Telling a child she isn’t trying hard enough can

make her feel bad about herself and you

• Punishment (or not getting a reward) can increase the challenging behavior that you are trying to avoid!


CPS Perspective: Challenging Behavior Happens When:

• A child is presented with a situation or expectation… but the child lacks the thinking skills he or she needs to handle it. o Sometimes the skill hasn’t developed yet o Sometimes the child can’t access the skill

at that moment


How CPS Handles Challenging Behavior: Treat challenging behavior like anything else your

child needs to learn.

Identify the Problems to be Solved (e.g. triggers or unmet expectations) which are difficult for the child and work together to solve them

Identify the thinking skill(s) the child lacks or can’t access in that situation or in that moment and practice those skills together


Anchor Idea #2: Compliance is about skill not will!


Skill not Will • Lack of Compliance Happens When…

A child is presented with a situation or expectation they lack the thinking skills to manage well

• It Takes Two to Tango: Challenging behavior happens when a skills deficit gets paired with an expectation requiring those skills

Presenter

Presentation Notes


Anchor Idea #3: It Takes Two to Tango

Behind most challenging behavior are: a trigger/unmet expectation and skills to be

built


Equation of a Meltdown

Skills ≥ Expectation = Adaptive Behavior Skills < Expectation = Challenging Behavior


Emotion-Regulation Skills

CORTEX

Prefrontal Cortex Limbic Region

Mid Brain Brain Stem

Amygdala & Hippocampus Fight or flight response

Regulation of body functions

Organized, planful thinking/ good problem solving

When frustrated, we lose access to the Cortex (rational, reflective and flexible THINKING) … and so the Limbic Region is left in charge. Result: Intense emotion, impulsive reactions, rigid responses, and lack of consideration for others' points of view.

Arousal, Appetite

Dan Siegel’s Hand Model https://youtu.be/gm9CIJ74Oxw

Enter Presentation Mode to watch above video.

https://youtu.be/gm9CIJ74Oxw


The Big 5: Neurocognitive Skills Lagging Skills in Any of the Following Areas Can Result in Challenging Behavior:

• Language and Communication Skills • Attention and Working Memory Skills • Emotion and Self-Regulation Skills • Cognitive Flexibility Skills • Social Thinking Skills


Language and Communication Skills

Help Children To:

oUnderstand spoken directions o Follow and participate in

conversations oPut thoughts and feelings in to words o Tell people what’s bothering them


Language and Communication Skills

When These Skills are Lagging: • Difficulty expressing feelings, concerns,

solutions

• Silence, delays, or confusion in conversations


Attention and Working Memory Skills

Help Children To: • Stick with tasks, tune out distractions, stay

focused • Do things in a logical order • Track time • Keep multiple ideas in mind at the same time • Consider a range of solutions


Attention and Working Memory Skills

When These Skills are Lagging: • Seem “scatter brained” • Lose or forget things • Don’t do what you asked, especially a

series of tasks • Has a hard time predicting consequences • Parents say, “What were you thinking?!”


Emotion and Self-Regulation Skills

Help Children To: • Stay calm when frustrated

• Manage irritability, anxiety, and disappointment

• Think before responding

• Deal with sensory difficulties (sounds, lights, etc.)


Emotion and Self-Regulation Skills

When These Skills Are Lagging: • Go from “0 to 60” without any thinking • Chronic grouchiness, irritability, fatigue, anxiety • Can’t calm down easily • Difficulty moving between passive and active

states (ex. recess to sitting in math class)


Cognitive Flexibility Skills Help Children To:

• Handle transitions • Shift from one idea or task to another • See shades of gray • Answer “what if” questions • Handle changes from rules, routines, original

plans • Interpret information accurately • See the “big picture”


Cognitive Flexibility Skills When These Skills Are Lagging:

• Concrete, black and white, literal thinking • Trouble handling “maybes” • Difficulty moving from one thing to the next • Insists on sticking with rules, original plan • Get stuck on one idea and can’t move off • Over-generalizes, personalizes, or

catastrophizes

Presenter

Presentation Notes


Social Thinking Skills

Help Children To: • Understand social cues

• Start conversations, join groups, and seek

attention in appropriate ways

• Understand how s/he comes across to others

• Empathize


Social Thinking Skills When These Skills are Lagging Difficult To:

• Other kids (or adults) don’t like having the child around

• Has fights or disagreements with others • Misreads the actions or feelings of others (good or

bad) • Has trouble taking others’ point of view • Adults find themselves saying: “How would you like

it if she did that to you?” (But it doesn’t seem to work.)


Fill in the blanks

This child has difficulty when ____________ (problem to be solved)

…because s/he has difficulty with ____________

(lagging skill) …and this usually results in ______________

(challenging behavior)


Problems to be Solved Definition: Situations that consistently lead a child to challenging behavior. Also known as: triggers, expectations, precipitants, antecedents, demands

Problems to be Solved are never the behavioral response.

Examples: o At home: homework, screen time, diet, getting up in the

morning, bedtime, curfew, sibling interactions, etc. o At school: circle time, recess, gym, lunch, riding on the bus,

getting down to work, staying on task, writing, etc.


Anchor Idea #4 You always have three options for

handling problems


Goals of Intervention • Pursue high priority expectations

• Reduce challenging behavior

• Create (or restore) a helping relationship

• Identify and teach lagging thinking skills

• Solve chronic problems


Your Three Options

Plan A: Impose Adult will Plan B: Solve the problem collaboratively

Plan C: Drop your expectation (for now, at least)


Three Plans Plan A: Impose adult will

• Sounds like: o “No”, “1-2-3”, “You must…”

• Plan A does: o Pursue your expectations (but not guaranteed, and

often at a cost) • Plan A does not:

o Reduce challenging behavior o Solve problems durably o Build skills, confidence o Create (or restore) a helping relationship

www.thinkkids.org


Three Plans Plan C: Drop it (for now, at least)

• What it is: o Being strategic – not giving in

• What Plan C does: o Reduces your child’s challenging behavior

• Plan C does not:

o Pursue expectations o Solve problems durably o Build skills, confidence o Create (or restore) a helping relationship

www.thinkkids.org


Three Plans Plan B: Solving the problem together in

mutually satisfactory and realistic way What Plan B does:

o Pursue yours or the parents expectations o Reduce the child’s challenging behavior o Solves problems durably o Builds skills, confidence o Creates (or restores) a helping relationship

www.thinkkids.org


Goals Achieved With Each Plan GOALS PLAN A PLAN B PLAN C

Try to get your expectation met X X Reduce challenging behavior

X X Improve relationship X Teach skills X Solve problem for long term X


Setting the Record Straight • You don’t need a plan unless you have an

unmet expectation • There is a difference between setting an

expectation and Plan A o Setting an expectation = asking a kid to do something o Plan A = trying to make them when they don’t!

• Plan B takes less time than Plan A (over time)


Plan B Ingredients


Ingredients of Plan B 1. Empathize: Clarify child concern 2. Share adult concern 3. Collaborate: Brainstorm, assess, and

choose a solution to try

Presenter

Presentation Notes


Ingredient #1 Empathize: Clarify Child’s Concern

THE GOAL: To gather information to understand the child’s specific concern or point of view

THE FEELING: Patient, curious THE WORDS: Start with a Neutral observation: “I’ve noticed that…” “It seems like…” “It looks as if …” Followed by a question: “What’s up?”


Plan B: Ingredient #2 Share Adult Concern

• THE GOAL: To get the adult’s concern/perspective on the table

• THE FEELING: Respectful –the child deserves to know the adult’s concern

• THE WORDS: Express your concern by saying something like: o “and the thing is” o “and my concern is” o “and my worry is” o “and what’s important to me is” (use and, not but)


Ingredient #3 Collaborate: Brainstorm, Assess, and

Choose a Solution to Try

• THE GOAL: Brainstorm solutions together, assess solutions, and choose one to try

• THE FEELING: Collaborative, creative, open-minded • THE WORDS: Review the two concerns so you are summarizing the

problem to be solved: o “I wonder if there’s a way that… (insert both concerns)” o “I bet we can think of something so that … (insert both

concerns)” Followed by an invitation for the child to suggest solutions o “Do you have any ideas?” o Bite your tongue!


Skills Taught Through Plan B 1. Empathize : Clarify child concern Language

and Communication Skills, Emotion- and Self-Regulation Skills

2. Share adult concern Social Thinking Skills

3. Collaborate: Brainstorm, assess, and choose a solution to try Attention and Working Memory Skills, Cognitive Flexibility Skills

The entire process teaches organized, reflective, flexible thinking & problem solving!


Why Teach the Skills through Plan B? • Doesn’t require child to agree that they lack certain

skills or that they want you to be the one to build them.

• Doesn’t require the skills to be generalized to the “real world”

• Allows the child to practice multiple skills at the same time

• Focuses on the skills that need the most work • Develops the skills in the same way that the brain

naturally develops skills.


The Neurobiology of Plan B (Perry and Ablon, 2012; Perry 2013)

Plan B supports brain development: o Plan B provides many small doses of new

experiences with a different emotional quality to them. This creates new associations and neural networks in the brain.

o Plan B is a Relational (safe) process (a key element of positive developmental experiences)

o Plan B provides Repetitive (patterned), Rhythmic activity. This changes neural networks and builds cortex.

o Plan B helps Regulate both child and adult.


Dead-End Explanations MAY BE ACCURATE BUT NOT HELPFUL (Don’t tell us what to do) • “He has bipolar disorder” • “He has fetal alcohol syndrome” • “She has a mental illness” • “She’s adopted” SKILL VERSUS WILL (Reflect traditional wisdom) • “He just wants attention” • “She just wants her own way” • “He just wants control” • “He’s manipulative” • “He has a bad attitude” • “She’s making bad choices” • “He won’t cooperate”


Managing Your Expectations • Lagging skills are not fixed overnight . . . you can’t

rush skill development • Sometimes, like learning disabilities, lagging skills

aren’t “fully” fixed, but remediated


Helpful Tips Early on, Plan B may feel awkward, you will make it yours over time! Plan B is always an adventure – you never know where it may go

You don’t have to finish all 3 ingredients of Plan B in one discussion Initially, the child may not trust the adult or the process


More Helpful Tips! The first solution rarely solves the problem for the long term. Difficult problems (triggers/unmet expectations) may require more than one discussion.

Take a break from the discussion and return to it later, after both the parent and the child have had more time to think “Processing” or “debriefing” is not the same as doing Plan B


Remember • Kids do well if they can • Be curious, not furious • It’s about skill, not will • It takes two to tango • Staying calm can be contagious

Dear Teacher: Heartfelt Advice for Teachers from Students

https://youtu.be/lTMLzXzgB_s

Enter Presentation Mode to watch above video.

https://youtu.be/lTMLzXzgB_s


www.thinkkids.org

When adults rethink challenging kids, amazing things can happen.

Collaborative Problem Solving

Documents

Transcript of Collaborative Problem Solving