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Bouncing Back:The Neuroscience of Resilience andWell-Being

Earthrise CenterConscious Living WorkshopMarch 28-30, 2014Bouncing BackThe Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765All the world is full of suffering.It is also full of overcoming.- Helen KellerResilienceDeal with challenges and crisesBounce back from adversityRecover our balance and equilibriumFind refuges and maximize resourcesCope skillfully, flexibly, adaptivelyShift perspectives, open to possibilities, create options, find meaning and purpose6 Cs of CopingCalmCompassionClarityConnections to ResourcesCompetenceCouragePractices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changeNeuroscience of ResilienceNeuroscience technology is 20 years old

Meditation shifts mood and perspective; impacts immune system and gene expressionOxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a minuteKindness and comfort, early on, protects against later stress, trauma, psychopathologyNeuroplasticityGrowing new neuronsStrengthening synaptic connectionsMyelinating pathways faster processingCreating and altering brain structure and circuitryOrganizing and re-organizing functions of brain structuresThe brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain toward the wise and the wholesome.- Richard J. Davidson, PhDThe field of neuroscience is so new,we must be comfortable not only venturing into the unknownbut into error.- Richard Mendius, M.D. Evolutionary legacyGenetic templatesFamily of origin conditioningNorms-expectations of culture-society

Who we are and how we cope.is not our fault.Given neuroplasticityAnd choices of self-directed neuroplasticity

Who we are and how we copeis our responsibilityConditioningExperience causes neurons to fireRepeated experiences, repeated neural firingsNeurons that fire together wire togetherStrengthen synaptic connectionsConnections stabilize into neural pathways

Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and negativePre-Frontal CortexExecutive center of higher brainEvolved most recently makes us humanDevelopment kindled in relationshipsMatures the latest 25 years of ageEvolutionary masterpiece

CEO of resilienceFunctions of Pre-Frontal CortexRegulate body and nervous systemQuell fear response of amygdalaManage emotionsAttunement felt sense of feelingsEmpathy making sense of expereinceInsight and self-knowingResponse flexibilityMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningNew ConditioningChoose new experiencesPositive emotions, resonant relationships, self-compassion, self-acceptanceCreate new learning, new memoryEncode new wiringInstall new pattern of responseRe-conditioningLight up neural networksJuxtapose old negative with new positiveDe-consolidation - re-consolidationNew rewires oldModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focusedDefault networkMental play spaceDe-conditioningDe-ConditioningDe-focusingLoosens gripCreates mental play spacePlane of open possibilitiesNew insights, new behaviors

Keep Calm and Carry OnSerenity is not freedom from the storm

but peace amidst the storm.

- author unknownWindow of ToleranceSNS explore, play, create, produce. ORFight-flight-freeze

Baseline physiological equilibriumCalm and relaxed, engaged and alertWINDOW OF TOLERANCERelational and resilientEquanimity

PNS inner peace, serenity. ORNumb out, collapseHand on the HeartTouch Deep breathingPositive EmotionsBrakes on survival responsesOxytocin safety and trustRelationships as resourcesOxytocinHormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging, calm and connectBrains direct and immediate antidote to stress hormone cortisolCan pre-empt stress response altogetherCalm through the BodyHand on the HeartBody ScanProgressive Muscle RelaxationMovement OppositeCalm Friendly Body ScanAwarenessBreathing gently into tensionHello! and gratitudeRelease tension, reduce traumaProgressive Muscle RelaxationBody cannot be tense and relaxed at the same time

Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15

Focused attention calms the mindCalm through MovementBody inhabits posture of difficult emotion (40 secondsBody moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)Body returns to first posture (20 seconds)Body returns to second posture (20 seconds)Body finds posture in the middle (30 secondsReflect on experienceBreathing for Two - EquanimityPartner A lies comfortably on the floor; closes eyesPartner B sits near enough to place one hand on partner As hand, the other on the crown of partner As headPartner A breathes normally, peacefullyPartner B synchronizes his/her breathing with partnerAfter three minutes, switch rolesReflect on experienceMindfulness and EmpathyAwareness of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and our reactions to whats happening)

Two most powerful agents of brain change known to scienceMindfulness Comes to West Mindfulness: Focused attention onpresent moment experiencewithout judgment or resistance.- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Attention and allowingAwareness and acceptanceMindfulnessPause, become presentNotice and nameStep back, dis-entangle, reflectCatch the moment; make a choiceShift perspectives; shift statesDiscern optionsChoose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate wholesomeNotice and NameThoughts as thoughtsPatterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughtsCascades of emotions as cascades of emotionsStates of mind as states of mindBelief systems and identities asMental contents, patterns of neural firingBetween a stimulus and a response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances.- Viktor Frankl, Austrian psychiatrist, survivor of AuschwitzAutobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia NelsonII walk down the street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalkI fall in.I am lostI am helplessIt isnt my fault.It takes me forever to find a way out.

III walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I dont see it.I fall in again.I cant believe Im in the same placeBut, it isnt my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

IIII walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall inits a habitMy eyes are open, I know where I am.It is my fault.I get out immediately.IVI walk down the same streetThere is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.VI walk down another street.-Portia NelsonResonance CircuitResonance vibe, emotional contagionAttunement felt sense, explicit, non-verbalEmpathy verbal, cognitive, coherent narrativeCompassion concern, caring, helpAcceptance pre-requisite for resilience and lasting changeThe curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.- Carl RogersIntegrationReflectionSee clearlyResonanceEmbrace wholeheartedlyKindness is more important than wisdom,And the recognition of that is the beginning of wisdom.- Theodore RubinNeuroscience of EmpathyEmotional communication is 93% non-verbalSocial engagement system vagal brakeDyadic regulationVagal brakeFusiform gyrus regulates amygdalaRestores equilibriumCompassionRespond to pain or suffering with an open heart, an interested mind, and a natural willingness to help.Open to experience, activate care-giving, prime ourselves to actLeft shift in brain more neural activity in left hemisphere approach stance toward experienceOvercome negativity bias; become more optimistic, more flexible, better resources, better able to find solutionsSelf-CompassionThreat-protection systemCortisol drivenPleasure-reward systemDopamine drivenCaregiving-soothing-comfort systemOxytocin driven

Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate MindSelf-CompassionNotice this is a moment of sufferingOuch! This hurts.What would be comforting here?What would be helpful?Open to larger perspectiveMy pain is the painIm not the only one; Im not aloneMindful Self-CompassionAwareness of whats happening (and our reaction to whats happening)Acceptance of whats happening(and acceptance of our reaction)

Brain stays plastic, open to learningThe Guest House - RumiThis being human is a guest-house.Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,Some momentary awareness comeAs an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!Even if theyre a crowd of sorrows,who violently sweep your houseempty of its furniture,still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice,meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.Be grateful for whoever comes,because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.- Rumi

Self-Compassion BreakNotice-recognize: this is a moment of sufferingOuch! This hurts! This is hard!Pause, breathe, hand on heart or cheekOh sweetheart!Self-empathyOf course this is painful, and Im not the only one; Im not aloneDrop into calm; hold moment with awareness; breathe in compassion and careMay I be free of suffering and the causes of sufferingShare experience with resonant otherSeeing Ourselves as Others See UsImagine sitting across from someone who loves you unconditionallyImagine switching places with them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and delight in you; take in the goodImagine being yourself again; taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and absorb.Deep ListeningThe most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words.- Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D.Deep ListeningListener asks speaker the question. Speaker answers honestly.The speaker answers the repeating question for several rounds, deepening his/her understanding of his/her experience.Listener and speaker switch roles.Take a few moments to share reflections on the experience.Questions for Deep ListeningWhat brings you joy in your life?What has brought you sorrow?What worries you now?When have you found courage in dark times?What are you grateful for?What are you proud of?ClarityIt is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptive to change.- Charles Darwin

Every moment brings a choice, and every choice has an impact.Julia Butterfly HillMindfulness of PatternsThoughts as thoughtsPatterns of thoughts as patterns of thoughtsCascades of emotions as cascades of emotionsStates of mind as states of mindBelief systems and identities asMental contents, patterns of neural firingCues to Practice - ANTS to PATSIdentify habitual negative pattern of responseIdentify new, positive response to counter/replaceIdentify cue word or phrase to break automaticity and change the channelPractice using the old pattern as a cue to use the cue word or phrase to trigger the new pattern.Repeat the practice as many times as necessaryModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focusedDefault networkMental play spaceDe-conditioningMindfulness Dissolves the Stuff of SelfQuantum physics investigates matterMatter is more space than stuffMindfulness investigates ISelf is not static or fixed; is ever-changing, ever-unfoldingTrue Self is flow of beingnessRest in Simply BeingAwareness of AwarenessInsights, epiphanies, revelations

Wisdom teaches me I am nothing.Love teaches me I am everything.Between the two, my life flows.- Sri Nisargadatta

Pre-frontal cortex togglesDeeper brain integrationConsciousnessTrue NatureWiser SelfAdult SelfInner ChildBrahma ViharasLoving KindnessCompassionSympathetic JoyEquanimityConnections to ResourcesPeople Love guards the heart from the abyss. - MozartPlaces I rest in the grace of the world. BerryPractices As an irrigator guides water to his field, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives. - Buddha

Positive Emotions-BehaviorsBrain hard-wired to notice and remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we survive as individuals and as a speciesLeads to tendency to avoid experiencePositive emotions activate left shift, brain is more open to approaching experience, learning, and actionPositive EmotionsGratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy TrustPositive EmotionsLess stress, anxiety, depression, lonelinessMore friendships, social support, collaborationShift in perspectives, more optimismMore creativity, productivityBetter health, better sleepLive on average 7-9 years longerGratitude2-minute free writeGratitude journalGratitude buddyCarry love and appreciation in your walletPositivity PortfolioAsk 10 friends to send cards or e-mails expressing appreciation of youAssemble phrases on piece of paperTape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or purseRead phrases 3 times a day for 30 daysSavor and appreciateTake in the GoodNotice: in the moment or in memoryEnrich: the intensity, duration, novelty, personal relevance, multi-modalityAbsorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds, felt sense in bodyThe Peace of Wild ThingsWhen despair for the world grows in meand I wake in the night at the least soundin fear of what my life and my childrens lives may be,I go and lie down where the wood drakerests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethoughtof grief. I come into the presence of still water.And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a timeI rest in the grace of the world, and am free.- Wendell Berry

One summer night, out on a flat headland, all but surrounded by the waters of the bay, the horizons were remote and distant rims on the edge of space. Millions of stars blazed in darkness, and on the far shore a few lights burned in cottages. Otherwise there was no reminder of human life. My companion and I were alone with the stars: the misty river of the Milky Way flowing across the sky, the patterns of the constellations standing out bright and clear, a blazing planet low on the horizon. It occurred to me that if this were a sight that could be seen only once in a century, this little headland would be thronged with spectators. But it can be seen many scores of night in any year, and so the lights burned in the cottages and the inhabitants probably gave not a thought to the beauty overhead; and because they could see it almost any night, perhaps they never will.- Rachel Carson

Places as ResourcesNature as refuge re-Source

Nature is our biology, our being

We can create and notice shifts in perspectiveShifting Perspectives in NatureBELLY BOTANYFind a one square foot patch of earth. Observe for two minutes.(light and shadow, movement and stillness, beauty and decay, life and death)Shift your view to the larger landscape, all the way to the horizon.Reflect on shift in perspective.People as ResourcesAt times our own light goes out and is rekindled by the spark from another person.

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.- Albert SchweitzerThe roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of being held in the heart and mind of an empathic, attuned, and self-possessed other.- Diana Fosha, PhDAttachment Styles - SecureParenting is attuned, empathic, responsive, comforting, soothing, helpfulAttachment develops safety and trust, and inner secure baseStable and flexible focus and functioning Open to learning inner secure base provides buffer against stress, trauma, and psychopathologyInsecure-AvoidantParenting is indifferent, neglectful, or critical, rejectingAttachment is compulsively self-reliantStable, but not flexibleFocus on self or world, not others or emotionsRigid, defensive, not open to learningNeural cementInsecure-AnxiousParenting is inconsistent, unpredictableAttachment is compulsive caregivingFlexible, but not stableFocus on other, not on self-world, Less able to retain learningNeural swampDisorganizedParenting is frightening or abusive, or parent is checked out, not thereAttachment is fright without solutionLack of focus Moments of dissociation Compartmentalization of traumaCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.Ah, the comfort,The inexpressible comfortOf feeling safe with a person.Having neither to weigh out thoughtsNor words,But pouring them all right out, just as they are,Chaff and grain together;Certain that a faithful handWill take them and sift them;Keeping what is worth keeping and,With the breath of kindness,Blow the rest away.- Dinah Craik

Welcome Them AllWiser Self welcomes to the partycharacters that embody positive and negative parts of the selfwith curiosity and acceptance of the message or gift of each part andhonors each part of the inner committeeShame De-Rails ResilienceShame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.Shame erodes the part of ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change ourselves or others.- Brene Brown, PhDLove makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place.- Zora Neale Hurston

Love guards the heart from the abyss.- MozartJust that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to, starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a deeper level in the brain.- Elisha GoldsteinReconditioningMemory de-consolidation re-consolidationLight up neural networks of problematic memoryCause neural networks to fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by:Juxtaposing positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms;Focused attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous dual awarenessCauses the falling apart and the rewiring

ReconditioningAnchor in present moment awarenessResource with acceptance and goodnessStart with small negative memoryLight up the networksEvoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirmsSimultaneous dual awareness (or toggle)Refresh and strengthen positiveLet go of negativeRest in, savor positiveReflect on shifts in perspectiveWished for OutcomeEvoke memory of what did happenImagine new behaviors, new players, new resolutionHold new outcome in awareness, strengthening and refreshingNotice shift in perspective of experience, of selfRelational IntelligenceSetting limits and boundariesNegotiating changeResolving conflictsRepairing rupturesForgiveness Forgiveness - IFor the many ways that I have hurt and harmed myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned myself, out of fear, pain, and confusion, through action or inaction, in thought, word or deed, knowingly or unknowinglyI extend a full and heartfelt forgiveness. I forgive myself. I forgive myself.Forgiveness - IIFor the ways that I have hurt and harmed you, have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you suffering, knowingly or unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusionI ask for your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.Forgiveness - IIIFor the many ways that others have hurt, wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and angerI have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that I am ready, I offer you forgiveness. To those who have caused me harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.Human Brain:Evolutionary Masterpiece100 billion neuronsEach neuron contains the entire human genomeNeurons fire hundreds of time per secondNeurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neuronsTrillions of synaptic connectionsAs many connections in single cubic centimeter of brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxyBrain Care Is Self CareSleepNutritionMovement-ExerciseLaughterHanging Out with Healthy BrainsSleepHousekeepingReset nervous systemConsolidate learning

Take mental breaksHow to Sleep WellStick to a sleep schedulePay attention to what you eat and drinkCreate a bedtime ritualGet comfortableLimit daytime napsInclude physical activity in your daily routineManage stress- Mayo ClinicTake Mental BreaksFocus on something else (positive is good)

Talk to someone else (resonant is good)

Move-walk somewhere else (nature is good)

Avoid adrenal fatigue

NutritionLess Caffeine

Less Sugar

More Protein

Movement - ExerciseOxygen brain is 2% of body weight, uses 20% of bodys oxygenEndorphins feel good hormones, brighten the mindBrain-Derived Neurotrophic Factor (BDNF) - grow new brain cells, will migrate to where neededLaughterIncreases oxygen and blood flow, reduces risk of heart disease and strokeReleases endorphins bodys natural pain killerReduces stress hormone cortisol, lowers blood pressureTriggers catecholamines, heightens alertness in brainReleases tension in body, balances nervous systemLaughterPromotes work productivityReduces stressPromotes creativity and problem-solvingReduces mistakes, increases efficiency Promotes group cohesionPromotes learning (through play)Eases loss, grief, traumaHow to Promote LaughterHumorA person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs jolted by every pebble in the road. - Henry Ward BeecherPlayPlay, in short, prepares the brain to handle the unexpected. Lee Alan DugatkinPlayful resonanceLaughter is the closest distance between two people. Victor BorgeHanging Out with Healthy BrainsBrain is social organ; matures and learns best in interactions with other brainsSocial engagement regulates nervous systemResonant interactions prime the brains neuroplasticity; promotes learning and growthPractices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changePresenceTo be present is far from trivial. It may be the hardest work in the world. And forget abou the may be. It is the hardest work in the world at least to sustain presence. And the most important.- Jon Kabat-ZinnIntentionAnd the day came when the risk it tookTo stay tight inside the budWas more painful than the risk it took to blossom.- Anais NinPerseveranceHow long should you try? Until. - Jim Rohn

The difference between try and triumph is a little umph. author unknown

The greatest oak was once a little nut that held its ground. Author unknown How to Create a New HabitIdentify new behavior you want to cultivateIdentify reward for new behavior; how will you sense that reward in your body?Identify first five seconds of new behaviorIdentify cue to begin the first five seconds of behaviorCompetenceBodily felt sense of Sure I can!

Based on previous competenceNo matter what, no matter how smallOwnershipLearning ModelUnconscious IncompetenceConscious IncompetenceConscious CompetenceUnconscious CompetenceCoherent NarrativeThis is what happened.This is what I did.This has been the cost.This is what I learned.This is what I would do differently going forward.Find the Gift in the MistakeRegrettable Moment Teachable MomentWhats Right with this Wrong?Whats the Lesson?Whats the Cue to Act Differently?Find the Gift in the MistakeCourageIts as wrong to deny the possibleAs it is to deny the problem.- Dennis SeleebyCourageA ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are for.- Grace Hopper

Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking- Tim McMahonDo One Scary Thing a DayVenture into New or UnknownSomatic marker of Uh, ohDopamine disruptedCross threshold into newSatisfaction, masteryDopamine restoredI am no longer afraid of storms,For I am learning how to sail my ship.- Louisa May AlcottMechanisms of Brain ChangeConditioningNew ConditioningRe-ConditioningDe-ConditioningModes of ProcessingFocusedTasks and detailsSelf-referentialNew conditioning and re-conditioningDe-focusedDefault networkMental play spaceDe-conditioningPractices to Accelerate Brain ChangePresence primes receptivity of brain

Intention/choice activates plasticity

Perseverance creates and installs changeBouncing BackThe Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being

Linda Graham, MFTlinda@lindagraham-mft.netwww.lindagraham-mft.net415-924-7765