Behavior Modification in Children With Temper Tantrums

7/25/2019 Behavior Modification in Children With Temper Tantrums

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Behavior Modification in ChildrenWith Temper Tantrums

by Kay Ireland, Demand Media

Avoid reacting to your child's tantrum, which could reinforce the behavior.

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+t can haen anytime, anywhere -- your child eruts into a #t of screaming and

crying. Your #rst instinct might be to give her whatever she wants to mae the

behavior sto, but doing so will ust reinforce the behavior. +nstead, tae stes to

sto the behavior uicly and then teach your child that throwing #ts is

comletely ine/ective in heling her get what she wants in the future.
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Redirect Attention

2hen you're in the throes of dealing with a tantrum -- esecially in a ublic

lace -- you need the behavior to sto as soon as ossible. The ractice of

redirection and distraction often wors as a uic #3 to calm down your little one

until you can address the behavior. The Colorado %tate 4niversity 3tension

website suggests redirecting your child's attention to something that maes her

forget her tantrum altogether, lie a toy or activity. 2hile it might not always

wor, it could sto a minor tantrum from becoming a full-on meltdown.

Avoid a Reaction

Your child throws a tantrum because she wants to elicit a reaction from you. +f

you give her attention -- even negative attention -- you could be reinforcing the

behavior, causing it to haen again and again. 5ever give into your fretting

child's demands, warns the American Academy of (ediatrics'

HealthyChildren.org. +nstead, remain calm. +f the tantrum is minor, try ignoring

the behavior altogether. +f it's severe, say, 6+'m sorry, + can't tal to you when

you're crying lie that. 0et me now when you've calmed down and we can tal.6

That way, your little one learns that tantrums won't hel her get what she

wants.

Offer Choices

Tantrums often occur when your child feels out of control and helless -- they're

her way of tiing the scales in her favor. You can head o/ and sto tantrums by

o/ering choices whenever ossible, suggests the 4niversity of "ichigan Health

%ystem website. You don't have to give your child free reign over your home, but

o/ering a coule of choices could be enough to ee your child calm. Try 6$o

you want cereal or toast for breafast76 or 6The red shirt or the blue one76 to

give your child a little control and sto meltdowns.
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Reward Good Behavior

2hile you might be focused on stoing negative behavior, it may be ust as

imortant to raise and reward ositive behavior as well. This teaches your little

one that using manners and olite words gives her a better reaction thanthrowing a tantrum. 2hen your child says lease or gets through the grocery

store without crying, be seci#c with your raise -- 6+ loved the way you ased

me so nicely8 +t maes me hay when you use hay words.6

+n the middle of the store, your daughter throws herself to the 9oor andbegins to whine and beg for a toy. This e3erience is a common one forarents of toddlers and children. Temer tantrums can cause embarrassmentand discomfort for arents. 4nderstanding the root cause of your child'stantrums may hel you ward o/ tantrums in the future.

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Causes of Tantrums4nderlying emotions and states may mae temer tantrums more liely,such as when your child is sic, hungry or tired, according to $r. 2illiam%ears. Children may use temer tantrums to get their way if it has beene/ective in the ast, according to the ?ids Health website. $uring the early

years, children are becoming indeendent and want control over themselvesand their environments. 2hen they cannot have it, temer tantrums oftencome into lay. (arents may #nd that in some cases it is better to avoidtriggers, lie going to a store, if a child needs rest or dinner #rst, according to$r. %ears.

Distraction Modifications?eeing distractions with you, lie u@@les for children or boos for toddlers,may rove e/ective when it comes to reventing or ending temer tantrums,according to the American Academy of (ediatrics. +f your child is begging fora toy or beginning to whine, o/er a distraction. +n other cases, you may need

to change environments or go to a rivate lace where your child can calmdown. +n a ublic lace, that may mean #nding a bathroom or going to thecar to cool down.

Attention and Control ModificationChildren may also use temer tantrums as a means to get attention,according to the ?ids Health site. Try to send more time with your child andreward ositive behavior, lie comlimenting a toddler who is sitting uietly
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at a restaurant. Your child may also be seeing control, so roviding otionsmay be e/ective. 2hen going out to eat, you may want to give your child thechoice of multile meals or drins. %howing that your child has some controlover her environment may mae her less rone to having temer tantrums.

Other Behavior Modifications+n some cases, you may #nd that you are not bothered that your child wantsa toy or candy. ?nowing when to give in and when to hold your ground is animortant art of arenting, and it can ward o/ some temer tantrums,according to the ?ids Health website. (arents may also #nd that ignoring thetantrum until a child calms down or roviding love and a/ection during atantrum may cause a child to cool o/, according to the American Academy of(ediatrics. 5o matter the course of action you choose, hitting or scoldingyour child may mae a tantrum worse.

All children (and many adults) have temper tantrums on occasion. These outbursts are particularly frequent

during the toddler and preschool years and usually begin to decline in frequency and intensity by age 5.

However, for some children, these tantrums persist, causing continued difficulties throughout childhood.

elow are answers to some of the most commonly as!ed questions from parents of these children.

"When should I be concerned about my child's tantrums?"

Temper tantrums are considered to be part of normal development for young children, particularly those

under the age of 5. However, some children continue to e"hibit severe tantrums past this age. These

tantrums may be#

3losive

$icult to control or soothe

(rolonged, lasting more than B*-= minutes

1reuent, occurring several times er wee

$hen tantrum behaviors interfere with your child%s typical functioning and&or the functioning of the family,

there may be cause for concern. 'or e"ample, children who e"hibit severe temper outbursts often havedifficulty ma!ing and !eeping friends, succeeding in school, and getting along with family members.

'requent, outofcontrol tantrums can cause a significant amount of family distress, and can result in the

family changing their lifestyle in an effort to prevent or reduce the tantrums. uch modifications may

include#

Changing daily home routines, such as mealtimes, transitions, waing u, getting ready

for school, or bedtime

Avoiding ublic venues, such as restaurants or suermarets

$eclining to articiate in social activities, such as birthday arties or lay dates

"Why does my child have severe tantrums?"

$e don%t really !now why. $e do !now that children with severe temper outbursts often have difficulty with

attention, impulsivity, an"iety, and mood regulation. At the *+ -hild tudy -enter, we are conducting

research to e"amine possible neurological bases for severe tantrums."How can I better manage my child's tantrums?"

'ortunately, there are things that you as a parent or caregiver can do to help reduce your child%s tantrums in

the family environment.

What parents can do

1. Don't "give in" to your child's tantrums

any, though not all children e"hibit tantrums when they don%t get their way or when they are required to do

something they don%t en/oy. $hen children have tantrums, the intensity of their emotions and behaviors

ma!es it difficult for parents to handle, and it%s tempting to give in to the child%s demands in order to stop


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the tantrum. $hen this happens, the child is reinforced for her tantrum 0 it was effective at getting the

desired result. Thus, "giving in" to your child's tantrum behaviors can make the outbursts

likely to continue;the child quic!ly learns that a tantrum can help her get what she wants.

$hen you 1give in1 to a tantrum, you may have stopped your child%s behavior in that moment (which may be

a temporary relief). ut you have set the stage for your child to continue having tantrum behaviors in the

future. $ith this in mind, we suggest the following#

$o not let your child get what he wants out of the tantrum. Although this may be a

dicult feat to carry out, consistently saying 65o6 desite the tantrum will liely cause the

outbursts to get better over time.

You must follow through on saying 65o6 consistently. +f your child even occasionally gets

his way as a result of a tantrum, he is liely to ee having them.

(lanned ignoring) 0eaving the room where the tantrum is occurring can hel sto the

behavior.

$o not try to convince or negotiate with your child during a tantrum. This will liely

rolong the tantrum.

"ae sure your child understands that you will not listen to his demands when he

tantrums. This is best discussed at a time when the child is not uset.

2. Ofer etra incentives

2ften children will tantrum in an effort to get out of doing something they don%t li!e. 3n these cases, offeringe"tra incentives to complete the avoided behavior can be helpful. 'or e"ample, if your child throws a

tantrum whenever it%s time for her to complete her homewor!, consistently offering incentives (i.e.,

watching her favorite T4 show, playing a game) after she%s completed her assignments may motivate her to

finish the /ob.

3t is important to note that rewards must#

be motivating to the child

be carried through every time the child comletes the desired behavior

be consistently denied when the child does not comlete the behavior

not be relaced with comarable rewards if the behavior is not comleted Di.e. 6You

cannot watch T> but you can still lay video games6E.

!. atch your child being good #$ositive $arenting%

arents of children with severe tantrums may feel li!e they are always giving their child negative feedbac!,

or giving attention mostly when their child is acting inappropriately. And unfortunately, this is li!ely the

case. This cycle can cause your child to continue acting out in order to get attention, and create strain and

hostility in the parentchild relationship.

As parents, you can help counteract this by loo!ing out for, and specifically praising, your child%s efforts at

positive behavior.

&amle(utting your hand on your child%s shoulder, and saying 13 really li!e the way you shared your toys

with your brother,1 when you notice that he is giving his brother a turn with his toys.

e sure to praise specific behaviors or efforts, not your child%s general behavior or temperament.

&amle(16avid, than! you for putting all your toys bac! in the container when 3 as!ed you to.1 *ot#

1Than!s for being good.1

This type of praise#

%hows your child what behaviors you want to see from her.

:ives her attention for ositive behaviors.

What can I do if these tips aren't working?

3f you are using these strategies consistently and your child%s tantrums are not getting better, you may want

to consider getting help from a mental health professional.


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Psychological Treatments

$arent )anagement Training #$)T%(T teaches parents how to approach their child%s tantrums

and disruptive behavior as well as modify her environment to reduce the frequency and severity of these

behaviors. T focuses on teaching parents behavioral management s!ills, and less emphasis is placed on

wor!ing oneonone with the child in therapy. Techniques typically included in the training include effective

ways to use positive reinforcement7 how to establish consistent rewards and consequences7 planned ignoring

of misbehavior7 and proper use of timeouts.

$arent*hild +nteraction Theray #$+T%(6esigned primarily for parents of children between 8 and

9 years old, -3T teaches parents specific s!ills to interact positively with their child, including how to

ignore minor misbehavior, and how to offer appropriate directives and consequences for misbehavior. -3T

sessions usually involve the parent and child interacting together in a room, while the therapist is watching

from another room and giving parents specific tips (through a headset). arents typically benefit from the

opportunity to learn and practice these concrete strategies during the sessions.

ognitive*ehavioral Theray #T%(-T for children with temper tantrums and other disruptive

behaviors, when combined with parent training, can produce longterm improvement. 3n -T, greater

emphasis is placed on teaching children s!ills to help them cope with their emotions. Treatment is best

served when parents are included, in order to reinforce -T s!ills at home. !ills typically taught in -T

include learning to be aware of when you feel angry, understanding others% perspectives, decisionma!ing,

and social problemsolving s!ills.

Medication Treatments

-timulant non*stimulant medications(These medications, which are often used to treat A6H6,

can help improve tantrum behaviors in children with this disorder. As impulsive behaviors decrease, the child

may no longer try to avoid situations that his A6H6 previously made very difficult. -ommon stimulants

include# :italin, -oncerta, Adderall, etadate, 'ocalin, 4yvanse, 6e"edrine, and 6e"trostat. -urrently,

trattera is the only nonstimulant drug used to treat A6H6 and impulsivity.

)edications /or reducing severe aggression(:ecently, other medications have been used to treat

aggressive behaviors and temper tantrums in children. These include mood stabili;ers (


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-ne o% the best opportunities %or parents and their children to learn e%%ecti&e parentin and aner manaement

strateies is "hen children et anry or ha&e temper tantrums. % parents can manae their reactions to temper

tantrums "ell they can manae many other parentin situations.

"hat Are Tem#er Tantrums$

Temper tantrums are a common beha&ior problem in preschool children "ho may epress their aner by lyin

on the %loor 0ic0in screamin and occasionally holdin their breath (). Tantrums are natural especially in

children "ho are not yet able to use "ords to epress their %rustrations.

Tantrums typically occur at ae 2 to 3 "hen children are %ormin a sense o%

sel%. The toddler is old enouh to ha&e a sense o% me and my "ants but is

too youn to 0no" ho" to satis%y the "ant. Tantrums are the result o% hih

enery and lo" ability to use "ords to et needs or "ants met.

Tantrums typically pea0 bet"een aes 2 and 3 and start to decline by !.

They usually run their course "ithin a year. T"enty#three to $3 percent o% all

2# to !#year#olds ha&e temper tantrums at least occasionally (2 3 4 $ 1).

5ost children thro" tantrums in a particular place "ith a particular person.

They usually are a public display a%ter the child has been told no to somethin he or she "ants to do. The

tantrum usually stops "hen the child ets his or her "ish. 6hat happens "ith the temper tantrum depends on

the childs le&el o% enery and the parents le&el o% patience and parentin s0ill (17).

Causes of Tem#er Tantrums

To beha&e rihtly "e

oursel&es should ne&er lay a

hand on our ser&ants 8or

children9 as lon as our aner

lasts .... Thins "ill truly

seem di%%erent to us "hen "e

ha&e :uieted and cooled

do"n. ; 5ontaine


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There can be many causes o% temper tantrums. in too much parents bein too protecti&e or nelect%ul children not ha&in

enouh lo&e and attention %rom their mother and %ather problems "ith the marriae inter%erence "ith play

emotional problems %or either parent meetin a straner ri&alry "ith brothers or sisters ha&in problems "ith

speech and illness (2). -ther common causes o% temper tantrums include bein hunry or tired.

?hildren "ho ha&e temper tantrums o%ten ha&e other problems li0e thumb suc0in head banin bed "ettin

and problem sleepin. % these beha&iors happen or i% your child has temper tantrums that last more than 1

minutes or occur three or more times a day at youner than 1 or older than ! see0 help %rom a %amily

physician psycholoist or marriae and %amily therapist. Be ad&ised to see0 more than an eclusi&ely beha&ior

therapy approach %or results ha&e been reported to be about e:ually e%%ecti&e and ine%%ecti&e (11 1! 14). +n

approach is recommended that combines the best o% beha&ior modi%ication %amily systems thin0in (1) and

other approaches li0e paradoical inter&ention (7).


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The problem is o%ten thouh not al"ays inept inconsistent parentin. -ne solution lies in stoppin the

shoutin scoldin or span0in in ettin onesel% calm statin clear rules and re:uirin compliance noticin

and complimentin appropriate beha&ior and %ollo"in throuh "ith loical conse:uences.

arents can learn ho" to nurture and discipline e%%ecti&ely. -&erly authoritarian parents "ho eercise too much

po"er and use discipline puniti&ely can learn more e%%ecti&e authoritati&e parentin. -&erly permissi&e

parents "ho eercise too little po"er and use too little discipline can also learn to be authoritati&e parents. +s is

o%ten the case balance is important. +uthoritati&e parents learn daily "hen and ho" to discipline their children

e%%ecti&ely by settin standards en%orcin rules eercisin authority "hen necessary and yet reconi>in

childrens rihts (! C).

Guidelines for %arents

From a number o% research studies plus Ta&ris the %ollo"in uidelines are suested %or buildin child sel%#

control and sel%#esteem.

&! earn to deal with (our own and others) anger!

6hen parents discipline out o% aner or "ith epectations that are inappropriate %or the ae o% their child they

o%ten ma0e mista0es in the "ay they react. The place to bein is "ith oursel&es. 6hen "e %eel calm "e can

model e%%ecti&e aner and con%lict manaement. Dample= m so anry at you riht no" %or dumpin your

cereal all o&er the clean %loor %eel li0e hittin you. But dont hit so m oin to lea&e and come bac0 "hen

&e calmed do"n.

*! Distract or redirect the child!

6hen a child is misbeha&in a calm parent can sometimes re#direct the childs beha&ior. Dample= 'eres a

bo"l o% "arm "ater. @ets put it outside "here you can splash all you "ant.

+! Be #rom#t and ,rief with disci#line!

-ne techni:ue you can use is to pic0 up and remo&e your small child %rom the room immediately and isolate

him or her %or t"o to %i&e minutes. This also i&es you time to et in control o% your emotions. T"o to %i&e

minutes are enouh lecturin is unnecessary. n rare circumstances it may be help%ul to physically hold the

child. Be consistent in en%orcin rules especially "ith older school#ae children. Dample= m puttin you inyour room %or Etime out until you calm do"n and are ready to tal0 aain. "ant you to o to your room no"

and stay there until you are ready to come out and use "ords to as0 %or "hat you "ant rather than spittin on

people.

-! Tr( to discover the reason for (our child)s anger or tem#er tantrum!


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6hat does he or she "ant and is not ettin, The reasons children ha&e temper tantrums &ary= to et

attention et someone to listen protest not ettin their "ay et out o% doin somethin they do not "ant to

do punish a parent %or oin a"ay %or po"er %or re&ene %rom %ear o% abandonment etc. @et the child 0no"

the beha&ior is unacceptable. Tal0 calmly. Dample= o" that "ere out o% the store and "e&e both had a

chance to calm do"n lets tal0. thin0 you "ere mad at me that said no to buyin the candy you "anted. s

that riht, ... t is -G %or you to be anry at me but 0ic0in screamin and yellin that you "ant candy "ont

"or0. t "ont et me to buy you the candy.

.! Avoid shaming (our child a,out ,eing angr(!

?hildren in healthy %amilies are allo"ed to epress all their %eelins "hether they are pleasant or unpleasant.

They are not critici>ed or punished %or ha&in and epressin %eelins appropriately includin aner.


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6! Maintain o#en communication with (our child!

?onsistently and %irmly en%orce rules and eplain the reasons %or the rules in "ords your child can understand.

Behavior Modification in Children With Temper Tantrums

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