BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT - mnsupconf.orgmnsupconf.org/images/CONFLICT_MASTER_share.pdf · BALANCE YOUR...
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BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT Dr. Jody Janati
Transcript of BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT - mnsupconf.orgmnsupconf.org/images/CONFLICT_MASTER_share.pdf · BALANCE YOUR...
BALANCE YOUR CONFLICT
Dr. Jody Janati
I Don’t Understand that
“Tact Sh!%” You Teach
at the College!
“RUDENESS IS THE WEAK MAN’S IMITATION
OF STRENGTH”
~ Eric Hoffer
PEACE IS
WITHIN YOUR
GRASP!
THE POLITE PATTERN
Cliché
Fact
Opinion
Emotion “Stay on the GROW”
“PEOPLE WILL CONTINUE TO BE WHO THEY
ARE DESPITE YOUR OPINION OF THEM”
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATIONPursue your best interests w/o denying another’s
Separate the person from the problem
Focus on shared interests, “what do we both…”
Generate options to solve problems
Choose “I” statements before “You” statements, “I feel uncomfortable when you use language…”
Stick to the facts
Express little to no emotion during an interaction
Face difficult interactions squarely and authentically
You are a the Biggest
Piece of the Peace
Paralanguage: Nonverbal Messages Regarding the Way You Use Your Voice
PLEASE SIT DOWN, YOU ARE ROCKING THE BOAT
OF COURSE I’LL HELP SERVE REFRESHMENTS
I AM SO GLAD YOU GAVE ME YOUR PERMISSION
WE CAN GO HOME NOW JERRY
NO, STOP THAT. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID
ARE YOU ALWAYS SO HELPFUL
THAT’S THE MOST AMAZING THING I HAVE EVER HEARD
HOW YOU SAY SOMETHING MATTERS
The words LISTEN and SILENT
have the same letters in them
Being PRESENT is a response!
FIGHTFLEE
or
FLOW
“Eyes are the windows to the soul”
“S/he looked right through me”
“What a cold stare”
“S/he’s got shifty eyes”
“There was a gleam in his eye”
“We’re not seeing eye to eye”
“She gave me the evil eye”
“He shot daggers across the room”
“S/he could kill with that glance”
“S/he made eyes at me”
“We had a stare down”
“S/he gave me the stink eye”
EYEBALLS
+
FEELING THE FEELING THEY ARE FEELING
BEING PRESENT
HOW DO WE BALANCE BEHAVIOR?
Create little to no resistance
“Ask; Don’t Tell; Offer Choices”
Be consistent
“Consistency Over Time = Trust”
Awareness = Change
Commit to making other’s aware
“I noticed…I see you are…”
Eliminate these words and find your “Conversation Peace”
SHOULD SHOULDN’T
NEED TO STOP
DON’T NOT
HAVE TO OUGHT TO
REDUCE RESISTANCE
1. Tell them what they did [fact]
2. Tell them how it made you feel -or-
State a consequence of their behavior
3. “Point it out, Bring it up, Put it on your radar, Thought you shouldknow, Wanted you to be aware...”
BALANCING BEHAVIOR
FEELING+
NEED
LANGUAGE OF COLLABORATION
TIME TO ACT!
Step 1 - A Ask them to meet with you [give them at least 10 min.]
Step 2 - C Clear concise statement
[10 -12 words]
Step 3 - T Transfer responsibility [repeat about 10 times]
“ANGER IS ONE LETTER SHORT OF DANGER”
~ Eric Hoffer
“When I think the thought “_______________,”
my thoughts and behavior towards this
person become “_____________________.”
Control your thoughts or they will control youTHANK YOU!
You are “Response – Able!”
May You Find Your
“Conversation Peace”Dr. Jody Janati
findyourconversationpeace@gmail | 651.210.2246 www.findyourconversationpeace.com
