996 North Broad Street

Globe, Arizona 85501

O: 928-425-2185

F: 520-586-6129

www.seabhssolutions.org

S o u t h e a s t e r n A r i z o n a B e h a v i o r a l

Heal th Serv ices Inc .

Aspiring Upcoming Events

Summer 2014: “Remembering Our Loved Ones”

This all-day community event around “National Grief Awareness Day” would include

keynote speakers sharing their personal stories about their losses and what their coping

strategies were; activities such as a balloon release with special messages to loved ones;

vendors; grief and loss materials; and food. All ages welcome!

Fall 2014: “Autumn Blues Workshop-Coping With Your Grief During

the Holiday Season”

A special featured event located in Globe Arizona. There will be two time periods to which

people can attend either for a morning or evening session. This will be a FREE event for

any community member interested in attending to receive knowledge about grief, coping

skills, and SEABHS service information. Registration will be required in order to attend.

Winter 2014: “SEABHS Grief & Loss Program Angel Tree”

This is a holiday program, supported by the SEABHS Globe Grief & Loss Program, was

designed to assist children who have experienced a death of a loved one or who are in the

foster care system during the month of December. Angels that represent each child will be

posted on a holiday tree after the Thanksgiving break. People will be able to take an angel,

purchase a gift for the child they selected, and give the item to the grief & loss therapist.

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Communicating About Your End of Life Wishes

Life can be difficult and most often we

don’t want to add on any additional

stressors by discussing the topic of

death and the preferences of a loved one

after they’ve passed. We much rather

enjoy life day-by-day instead of focusing

our precious moments on how a loved

one wants us to handle their body; where

they would like their body or ashes to go;

the written will terms of who gets what; or

even how they want their ceremony. Dy-

ing is also very scary to think about for

many and often people just don't want to

discuss the reality that one day they will

leave from this living World.

Yet talking about death to your family

and about end of life wishes can become

a cherished moment for if something

does happen to you or a loved one sud-

denly. We plan birthday parties, our ca-

reer paths, weddings, when to have a

baby, and even retirement; but rarely do

we plan for how we want to be cared for

at the end of our lives or what we want

after we’ve passed on. The research

shows that adults are more likely to talk

about safe sex to their children and why

not to use substances rather than talk to

family members about end-of-life wishes.

Why is it so important to have this

conversation with your spouse, other

adult family members, close friends,

and/or older children? See reasons:

Making It Easier: By preparing in

advance for your death you are helping

to reduce the stress that your children

and family would go through. Loss is al-

ways painful but to help the persons fol-

lowing through on your wishes by making

all the arrangements for them is a tre-

mendous burden off their shoulders. As

family grieving over your death will al-

ready be in a very vulnerable state; they

being puzzled over what kind of casket to

select should not be something heavy

this issue

End of Life Wishes P.1

Personal Story: By C.P. P.2

Grief and Loss Q & A P.3

Aspiring Upcoming Events P.4

ISS UE

WI NTE R 2014

01

SEABHS Grief & Transition Newsletter Issue 01 Winter 2014

Grief & Transition newsletter

SEABHS SERVICES

THE SEABHS INC. GLOBE

OFFICE OFFERS A VARIETY OF

GRIEF AND LOSS SUPPORT

SERVICES. THERE IS A SPECIFIC

GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELOR

ON SITE IN GLOBE AZ THAT IS

ACCEPTING REFERRALS FOR

PERSONS WHO HAVE EXPERI-

ENCED THE DEATH OF A LOVED

ONE; ARE TROUBLED BY THEIR

DIVORCE AFTERMATH OR SEPA-

RATED FROM A SPOUSE; AND

FOSTER CARE YOUTH. THE

SERVICES THAT ARE AVAILABLE

TO COMMUNITY MEMBERS IN

GILA COUNTY INCLUDE:

EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS

SEASONAL INFORMATION &

RESOURCE REFERRALS

INDIVIDUAL & FAMILY

COUNSELING

LOSS SUPPORT GROUPS

REMEMBRANCE EVENTS

GRIEF WORKSHOPS

LOCAL PRESENTATIONS

IN-SCHOOL/AT-HOME

SUPPORT

Wendy Logan, MSW

Grief & Loss Therapist

C: 928-200-5697

Wendy_Logan@seabhssolutions.org

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Mending A Broken Heart

Written by: C.P.

He was very loving, caring, smart,

and outgoing. He loved being in-

volved in baseball and football. We

started dating and I instantly fell in

love. It was an amazing love that felt

so unreal because of our great chem-

istry! We got a long so great. We

never had a bad moment in our rela-

tionship. We were inseparable;

spending every chance we could with

each other. We spent most of our

time with my family and our friends.

Then in the summer of 1993, after his

graduation from high school, he was

diagnosed with Cancer. It started

with a tumor in the muscle lining on

his side. He experienced a great deal

of tests and the plan was for him to

begin chemotherapy. I was with him

throughout the whole process but

had no awareness of all the challeng-

es that were ahead of us. I was 16-

years-old but madly in love.

Throughout the summer months we

would travel back and forth to Phoe-

nix for his chemo treatments and

hospital stays which would make him

very ill. I would stay by his side to

offer my support . I felt that our love

It was my freshmen year of high

school in 1992 when I met the

greatest young guy anyone could

have been blessed to know.

Recommended Children’s Winter Reading List On Death, Grief, & Loss

The Invisible String

by Patrice Karst

The Next Place

by Warren Hanson

Gentle Willow: A

Story for Children

About Dying

by Joyce C. Mills

Tear Soup: A Recipe

for Healing After Loss

by Pat Schwiebert

I'll Always Love You

by Hans Wilhelm

I Miss You: A First

Look at Death

by Pat Thomas

Water Bugs and

Dragonflies: Explaining

Death to Young

Children

by Doris Stickney

Sad Isn't Bad: A Good

Grief Guidebook for

Kids Dealing with Loss

by Michaelene Mundy

End of Life Wishes Continued...

The Widow’s Lament in Springtime Poem by William Carlos Williams

Sorrow is my own yard

where the new grass

flames as it has flamed

often before, but not

with the cold fire

that closes round me this year.

Thirty-five years

I lived with my husband.

The plum tree is white today

with masses of flowers.

Masses of flowers

load the cherry branches

and color some bushes

yellow and some red,

but the grief in my heart

is stronger than they,

for though they were my joy

formerly, today I notice them

and turn away forgetting.

Today my son told me

that in the meadows,

at the edge of the heavy woods

in the distance, he saw

trees of white flowers.

I feel that I would like

to go there

and fall into those flowers

and sink into the marsh near

them.

William Carlos Williams, “The

Widow’s Lament in Springtime”

from The Collected Poems of

William Carlos Williams edited

by Christopher MacGowan.

Copyright 1938, 1944, 1945

by William Carlos Williams.

and special bond would help in his

recovery. Sometimes he would have

to stay at the hospital and I always

wanted to be there with him.

As the months went on he grew

sicker. This was a very challenging

experience to witness as a young

female. When August came, and

school was about to begin, I couldn’t

focus on beginning a new

school year because he

appeared to be getting

worse. My family and I

made arrangements so

that they could get my

school work and I would

complete it at the hospital.

I continued to stay with my boyfriend.

the doctors stated that he had lots of

fluid in his lungs. He continued to

fight for his life but passed away on

October 1st, 1993. He died the day

after my 17th birthday.

The cancer eventually had spread to

his lungs and to his head. The doc-

tors expressed the need for including

radiation into his treatment process.

It was not looking any better for us. I

knew that I had to stay strong and

positive for him and for myself. He

had high spirits and love through the

entire time. He remained who I knew

him to be: always loving, caring, and

positive. Then on September 30th

I was young and had to deal with

depression. The internal pain was

enormous. It has been 20 years

since my wonderful boyfriend passed

away and I still feel pain from the

love that was lost.

I never received any

counseling to address this

loss or my grief; instead I

self-medicated by using

substances and even

attempted suicide. I have two beauti-

ful daughters now and recognize my

importance in this World; and I know

how important it is to receive services

for when you’re mourning. It has

taken me this long to get some coun-

seling and help to deal with this loss;

but I am definitely ready to confront

the pain that has been within me all

these years. I hope that my story will

encourage people to talk with some-

one or get services so that no one

suffers as long as I have.

“...I know how

important it is to

receive services

for when you’re

mourning.”

on their heart. Or even if

just telling them what you

want done then they wont

have the need to worry so

much about whether they

are doing what you would

have wanted.; and your

family wouldn't have to feel

guilty for not asking you

because it was a conversa-

tion already had.

Pre-death Closure: I am

sure that talking about your

end-of-life wishes isn’t go-

ing to be well-received by

your loved ones at first; but

by having the discussion

you are giving them an op-

portunity to think about

what life may be like without

you; to think about ques-

tions they may have about

death or their own end-of-

life wishes; the discussion

may even remind some per-

sons of the reality that we

all have to die someday; or

the talk may encourage

members to develop new

beliefs or to dig deeper into

the family faith.

A Reminder: You never

want to use your talk on

end-of-life wishes as a

strategy to get people to do

what you want or as a ma-

nipulation tool in order to

make people feel bad for

them doing something that

hurt you. Instead the topic

should be geared towards

expressing your feelings in

a respectful and sincere

manner; and to get the fam-

ily to understand that life is

precious and it must be en-

joyed each and every day.

Grief & Loss Seasonal Question/Answer

Q: Should I put flowers on my

loved one’s gravesite?

A: Everyone is different in their grieving

process; and based on your culture you

may engage in a certain practice while

remembering your deceased loved one

and while healing from the loss. I once

heard a story that there was two women

at a gravesite. One woman was putting

down flowers on her loved ones resting

place and another woman was putting

down food on her loved ones resting

place. The one woman while putting down the

flowers said to the other woman, “Do you really

think your relative is going to come up and eat

that food?” Then the other woman replied, “And

do you really think your relative is going to rise

up and smell those flowers?” They both

laughed. The message is that there is no right

or wrong way to grieve over your loss.

If you have a question for the SEABHS grief and loss

therapist and would like your question to be printed in

our next newsletter issue please email Wendy at:

Wendy_Logan@seabhssolutions.org

By John Ross Palmer By John Ross Palmer