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Kybe photography provides unique wedding photography that will immortalize the events of your day for all of time. We have a keen eye for the finer details and tell the story of your day on photographs and video. We offer a variety of packages to suit your specific needs.

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ARUSI GURU CONTENTSmarch 2016

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THE FIT BRIDE

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A DRESS FIT FOR A PRINCESS

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY OF YOUR LIFE.

CHOOSING THEPERFECT WEDDING RING

TOP HONEYMOONDESTINATIONS INKENYA

REAL LIFEWEDDINGS

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SINGLE &WAITING

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

THE ARTOFSWAHILIDISHES

74 |Rules of Engagement

80 | Ask The Guru

84 |Life After Divorce

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EDITORS NOTE

Special Thanks :

Angeline Kaggia- Editor-in-ChiefZack Adell - Layout Design

COVER CREDITS

GOWN THE PERFECT BRIDE

MAKE UP ARTIST MAKE UP BY RUTHIE

HAIR CHIC TRESSES

PHOTOGRAPHERWRAGGZ PHOTOGRAPHY

MODEL ANGELINE KAGGIA

CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! We are thrilled to be a part of your wedding planning experience.

Arusi Guru is dedicated to providing you with everything you need to know about putting together your big day. We desire to make your planning process as exciting and effort-less as possible. Our dedicated team of wedding vendors and experts are always ready to help you put together the day of your dreams. Get in touch with the team on arusigu-ru.com.

In this issue, you will find practical tips, tricks and advice that will have you looking and feeling like a princess on your wedding day. You will learn how to get into shape before the big day, while discovering the secret to achiev-ing flawless make up and learning how to find the perfect wedding ring.

The hopeful future bride will have her fears and challenges addressed in our feature article, “Single and Waiting”- a beautiful reminder that being single is one of the most won-derful stages in a woman’s life.

Find more exciting and engaging wedding advice and inspi-ration on blog.arusiguru.com.

Want to have your proposal, engagement or wedding story featured on Arusi Guru? Drop us an email oninfo@arusiguru.com and we will be happy to tell your story.

Let us help you plan your Happily Ever After!

Lily Nguru.

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A DRESS FIT FOR A PRINCESSBY :ANGELINE KAGGIA

Naomi Wambugu of “Naomy Design” tells us about her passion for fashion, and designing Gospel artiste Joyce Omondi’s wedding gown.

WHEN AND WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO BECOME A FASHION DESIGNER?All through high school my friends would joke about how I should design clothes but I never really considered fashion as a career path until much later while in my third year of university. My interest began when I started sewing little projects for myself when I couldn’t find what I wanted in the market. Gradually, I noticed that people liked my work and wanted to have clothes made for them as well. What sealed my decision to stay in fashion though was the satisfaction I saw in people when they got that piece specially made for them. It was fulfilling to know that my work made a difference to its recipient and made their day a little more special.

ARE YOU SELF TRAINED? (IF NOT TALK A LITTLE ABOUT WHERE YOU TRAINED AND YOUR QUALIFICA-TIONS)While still in university I sought out an internship with a local design house, where the head designer took me under her wing and taught me the basics of tailoring and then designing itself. This is where I picked up the skill and I remain grateful for that opportunity to learn first hand from an already estab-lished designer. Since then I had been practicing and challenging myself to try new projects and designs including wedding gowns but It was not until after four years in my practice that I decided to formally train in fashion. I was blessed with the opportunity to pursue my MA in fashion in the United Kingdom where I got to train with specialists in the industry and sharpen my skills.

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WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE PART OF BEING A DESIGN-ER?I have learnt that as a designer your job is to skillfully trans-late and idea or vision into something wearable. My favorite part has always been the process of bringing those visions to life and because every bride is different, every journey is unique and exciting. It is absolutely satisfying to see a bride beaming in a gown she had once only imagined.

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR MOST CHALLENGING PROJECT YET? It would be difficult to point out one particular project as they all have their different challenging points. My greatest challenge has been how to merge what a bride wants and has always dreamed to be the perfect dress to that design that makes her a stunning bride. It is not always easy to convince a bride to reconsider design options once her mind is set on a dress. However, my aim has always been to ensure that the bride gets what is best for her and that at the end she is happy with the result. Having said that, I like a good challenge if it brings growth for both the client and I.

YOU MADE GOSPEL AR-TISTE JOYCE OMONDI’S WEDDING DRESS. WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?Working on Joyce’s dress was a great experience, as the bride she had a clear vision of what she wanted from the beginning and we got to design and work on the gowncon-cept together. There is always a sense of ease when working with a bride who understands her silhouette and what flatters her body. Her gown was the first project I worked on since getting back from school, and it was one I was particularly looking forward to. Over and above that, it was nothing short of humbling to be able to help create the perfect dress for a sister and friend for her big day.

WHAT ARE NAOMY DE-SIGN’S FUTURE PLANS? Future plans for Naomy Design God willing include many more wedding gowns for brides looking for that unique and personalized dress for their wedding. However, I do realize that purchasing a gown for a day is a huge financial undertaking for many brides especially if it is custom made. I hope to eventually have a designed pret a porter line that is still unique yet affordable for the bride. No bride deserves to feel like she had to compromise or settle for less than being a princess on her special day.

IF YOU COULD PICK ANY DESIGNER ON EARTH, WHO WOULD YOU PICK TO MAKE YOUR WEDDING-GOWN? Me of course, however that is a bias choice. Vera Wang’s simple yet elegant wedding gowns would be my go to designer. Her work reminds you that a bride can be modest and still look sophisticated in her wedding gown whatever the silhouette. This is something I always aim to achieve in my work as well with every bride and I wouldn’t have it any other way for myself.

Name: Naomi WambuguBrand: Naomy DesignLocation: (In transition, so no location yet)Phone no.: 0714010432Email: naomy.ww@gmail.com

Interview | Arusi Guru Magazine

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N A O M YD E S I G N

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AvenueN89‘s Ijeoma Lyons sharestips on how to look your best on the biggest day of

your life.

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

DAY OF YOUR LIFE”

BY: IJEOMA LYONS

BEAUTY

CHOOSING BRIDAL MAKEUP Social media platforms such as Instagram and Facebook have become some of the

biggest influencers and trend setters on matters relating to beauty. In a smuch as they can be great for inspiration, they can also be quite overwhelming, especially for a ladies who donot wear makeup often. It is therefore important that you stay true to yourself and your wedding theme when it comes to choosing a look for the big day. You want to look at your wedding pictures over the years and not feel even the slightest tinge of regret! For the demure lady for example, a classic look with a red or nude lip will be great while the adventurous ladywill prefer a glamorous sexy look with smokey eyes.

Study the work of your potential makeup artists and pick out their strengths. This way you will stand a better chance at going withthe artist that will achieve the look you

envision for your wedding

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HAIR AND SKIN PREP

An organized bride probably starts a strict regime six months before her big day. I commend such girls. The hard work they put in shows on their big day. Nevertheless, the fact of the matter is that not all brides will be ableto keep up with all the necessary beauty routines. Do not panic if you are one of them. A regime of 4 to 6 weeks will still shine through on your big day. Settle down your skin care regime. Stick to what your skin loves and don’t try new products in your last weeks, to avoid the risk of break outs. Spa treatments are a wonderful addition if you can afford it because the stressof wedding planning oftrn triggers skin breakouts. Visit a reputable spa and ask to get a consultation as a bride. They will steer you towards the treatments that best suit your needs.

Working on your skin and hair from within is also part of the journey. Eat well, adding more fruits and vegetables in your diet than usual and hydrate with water and tea. Restrict your alcohol intake. If you can add a workout routine, even better! You go girl!

For Afro hair, in all its glorious nature, planning in advance is crucial. You know your hair so plan accordingly. Think about your style, your budgetand your theme. If you have a trusted hair dresser, this is not the time to start testing out new ones. If you don’t have a trusted hair dresser, ask for references from girls who you have some hair envy towards. Whether natural or relaxed, deep condition your tresses every two weeks until your final styling. This will ensure shine and body which always looks beautiful in pictures.

MISCONCEPTIONSABOUT BRIDAL MAKE-UP

“Bridal makeup has to be soft, no bright colors”

“My man doesn’t like makeup. I don’t want to look different on that day”

“Bridal makeup is expensive!” These are common misconceptions heard by makeup artists all the time. As I said above, stay true to yourself. When contacting makeup artists, talk to them and explain your personality and vision for the day. Do NOT settle. Go as demure or as glamorous as you wish! Just make sure your makeup artist delivers clean beautiful work and you walk towards the aisle looking how you wish to look like. For the bride worried about the groom’s opinion, the makeup run is very important. Air this concern with your makeup artist. Go with him if you can or meet up soon after your appointment. Ask his honest opinion and take it from there Budgets for bridal makeup packages vary according to artist and experience. Take this into consideration when setting out your budget. Every bride has her own budget to work with and with ample research; one should stay well within budget. A cheeky idea would be to suggest it as a wedding gift from loved ones when creating your gift list.

Beauty | Arusi Guru Magazine

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THE MAKEUP RUN

Do not flout on this! Make sure to make time for this. Any reputable makeup artist will insist on setting up such a meeting with you. The run involves deciding on your look for the day, skin care advice and makeup application on the bride and in some circumstances, one of the ladies from her bridal party. This way, both artist and bride can make any changes needed and also make sure what makeup products are best for the bride’s skin. The makeup artist then comes ready on your big day having known your vision for the day.

MATCHY MATCHY?

The uniformity of the bridal party symbolizes the bond of the ladies and their love and support for the bride. It always looks great in pictures and if you like it don’t let anyone tell you that you are a boring bride! The modern bride has shown that she is flexible when it comes to the classic uniformed look. We see bridesmaids with the same colour of dresses but different cuts and designs. It looks chic and the bridesmaids’ personalities get to shine through. The same should be applied to the choice of makeup looks. Have a talk with your bridesmaids and make decisions with consideration of their thoughts.

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

There is no definitive answer to this. As a part of the beauty industry, I have met artists who charge from all extremes of the spectrum.

AVENUEN89

AVENUEN89 WAS BIRTHED AND IS RUN BY THE OKEREKE TWINS, IHOUMA OKEREKE AND IJEOMA OKEREKE LYONS. SPECIALIZING IN FASHION AND BEAUTY, THEYOUNG AND PROMISINGBRANDIS QUICKLY GROWING. AVENUEN89’S FASHION BLOG IS RUN BY IHOUMA -THE FASHION DIRECTOR, WHILE THE BEAUTY SECTION IS RUN BYIJEOMAOKEREKE, A PROFESSIONAL BEAUTYGURU, FREELANCE MAKEUP ARTIST AND THE CREATIVE DIRECTOR FOR AVENUEN89.

Website: http://www.avenuen89.com/IjeomaOkereke Lyons

Location: Madaraka, Nairobi.( Available to Travel)

Email: avenuen89@hotmail.comPhone: +254700562210

Beauty | Arusi Guru Magazine

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≈ BOUTIQUE, FASHION, LIFESTYLE ≈

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THE FIT BRIDE

BY : SHIV SIMANI

Arusi Guru’s Angeline Kaggia speaks to fitness guru Shiv

Simani of “JustGymIt Fitness and Nutrition” about general

fitness and everything a bride should know about shaping up

for the big day

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AG:

When and why did you decide to go into the fitness lifestyle? SHIV: i have always been fit. i was always involved in different sports- football, rugby, cross country etc. After university i got a job in the hotel industry, but it was not quite working. i began in February 2015, (at the time Frankie was in the UK taking a health & fitness training and nutrition course). He returned and i joined him and have been learning from him ever since. i will be enrolling for an online fitness course soon in order to get my certification.deep condition your tresses every two weeks until your final styling. This will ensure shine and body which always looks beautiful in pictures.

AG:

What do you wish the world knew about health and fitness? SHIV: People should know that fitness is a way of life. It is a lifestyle and not a quick fix. Exert yourself. Set goals and follow through to achieve them.

AG:

Does spot training work?SHIV: No it does not. The main target when it comes to so-called "spot training" is the mid section- tummy, waist and back. The only way to shed weight in those areas, is to change your diet and eat right, and then exercise to achieve your desired shape and tone. Abs are made in the kitchen, not the gym

AG:

Tell us about Just gym it- do you both carry out personal training sessions? SHIV: we both carry out personal training sessions and boot camps. we create customised meal plans for all our clients and walk with them throughout the entire process. Our first boot camp was in November 2014.

We have partnered with a local gym where we train clients as per their needsbody which always looks beautiful in pictures.

AG:

What is the most outrageous "Diet and detox" myth that you have heard so far?SHIV: All the myths out there are equally outrageous... from waist training, to eat-whatever-you-want as long as you work out to 10 day weight loss programmes. They all do not work. The most they offer is very short term results and solutions, which is pointless. The only way to lose weight and shape up is to eat right and work out! There are no short cuts. Consistency is key.

Health & Fitness | Arusi Guru Magazine

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AG:

How long before the big day should a bride start working out? SHIV: Brides trying to achieve a certain size and shape before their weddings should start working on their goals immediately. the sooner the better, considering that it is a process that does not happen overnight. it takes time. To avoid the "last minute rush" fitness should be a lifetime choice.

AG:

5 tips for brides trying to get into shape weeks before the weddingSHIV: No junk food- avoid fried food and pastries. Count those calories- nowadays there are many smart phone applications that can help with monitoring your health and fitness progress. See a professional- a professional will offer sound advice on how to begin and maintain your health and fitness journey. Exercise 5-6 times a week. Repeat.

AG:

Any luck finding your own fit bride? ;) SHIV: (Smiles) I am taken.

SHIVERENJE SIMANI

JUSTGYMIT

Website: www.justgymit.co.ke

Instagram: @justgymit @shiv_justgymit @frankie_justgymit

Phone: +254 721 217 731

Health & Fitness | Arusi Guru Magazine

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FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE.

ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PREMARITAL COUNSELLING.

AG:

What is premarital counseling? FAITH OSIRO: In traditional African culture, marriage guidance was offered informally by designated members of the family or community.However, due to disintegration of the strong community ties over time, the role of premarital counseling is now mainly the responsibility of the church. Increasingly though, couples are also seeking professional counselors for the same.

Premarital counseling is a forum where dating or engaged couples considering tying the knot are equipped with skills and knowledge necessary for marriage. Different programs vary in duration but they generally runfor 5 to 10 sessions.

AG:

How is it useful?

FAITH OSIRO: Premarital counseling prepares couples for marriage by exposing them to common conflicts areas, such as communication, how to handle in-laws, finances, boundaries andpersonality differences. Itequips the couples with tools that help to avoid certain pitfallsand empower them tomanage present and futureconflicts.

Premarital counseling is useful for self-awareness, asyou get to appreciate your strengths and weaknesses and those of your partners. This helps a couple to synergize their strengths, work on their weaknesses and extendmore grace to each other.

BY : FAITH OSIRO

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AG:

Do couples that attend PMC have more successful marriages than those that do not? FAITH OSIRO: A survey found that couples who go through premarital counseling are less likely to divorce. Scott Stanley conducted the survey in 2001 and found a 31% lower divorce rate among couples that had counseling before marriage.

AG:

From your experience, what is the most common issue that couples intending to marry face?

A good program should also encourage honest self-reflection on readiness for marriage and a safe space to assess whether or not the two people are both committed to the relationship for the long haul.

In the absence of pre-marital counseling, couples usually focus on having a perfect wedding and forget about the marriage. The benefits mentioned earlier empower couples to handle conflicts with more patience and maturity, discuss and plan for unexpected events such as infertility, develop common family values, manage expectations between the couple as well as from in-laws among other skills.

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Advice | Arusi Guru Magazine

FAITH OSIRO: The pressure to conform to the traditional gender roles in marriage in the present world has left many young couples confused and at loggerheads. Couples are unclear about the concepts ofleadership and submission, especially in the era of women empowerment and other emerging trends such as stay-at-home-dads, that challenge previously held attitudes about the role of the wife as a nurturer and the husband as a provider.

Premarital counseling helps to clarify what submission means as well as whatsubmission is not. For instance, living in fear of your husband is not submission and neither is false humility.Counseling also gives insight on what is expected of the man as the leader. Furthermore, it puts these roles in context.For Christians, a woman is urged to submit to her husband, as to the Lord. The man is the leader of the home. The man is to love his wifesacrificially as Christ loved the churchto the extent of paying the ultimate price.(Ephesians 5:22-25)

AG:

Have churches considered post marital counselling? As a support structure for newlyweds? FAITH OSIRO: Yes they do. At the very least, most churches do offer post marital counseling to the congregantsas part of the pastoral care. Additionally, some churches have programs where they support peer counseling and mentoring among specific marriage cohorts who attended pre-marital counseling together. These groups meet every so often and have developed structures that help them be each other’s brother’s keeper.

Mavuno Church, in addition to the above forums,conducts a 10 week interactive marriage enrichment program called "Ndoa" for those already in the union three times a year in the various church campuses.

AG:

What is your take on trial marriages?FAITH OSIRO: Today more and more couples are cohabiting before marriage for one reason or the other. Trial marriagesmight initially seem easier and convenient but most people will admit that after a while problems emerge. There are no ‘rules’ that govern a trial marriage. For example, a man might be hesitant to fully provide for the woman since she is not his wife, but at the same time expect for the lady to take care of the home like a wife should do. Thewoman might have reservations of fully submitting to the man, yet expects himto be the provider of the household.

Couples continue to run some areas of their lives, like finances, separately and this inhibits intimacy.

Trial marriages are usually also plagued with commitment issues. The exit clause in a trial marriage usually reduces the motivation to work things out in times of conflicts. Married couples are more inclined to seek solutions for their conflicts than those not bound to each other legally. Research conducted in the Western world concludes that even the cohabiting couples who do eventually get married, the rate of divorce among them is higher than those couples who never cohabited.

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My husband Byron and I were beneficiaries of this program 3 years ago.It helped improve the quality of our marriage tremendously,we ended uppluggingin right backafter receiving some training and are now facilitators.

FOR MORE INFORMATION REGARDING PREMARITAL AND MARRIAGE COUNSELING PROGRAMS, YOU MAY CONTACT MAVUNO CHURCH USING THE CONTACTS BELOW:

Website: www.mavunochurch.orgEmail: info@mavunochurch.org Facebook: NdoaMavuno

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We are a relationship coaching firm, with a passion to reignite intimacy in marriage through fun and experiential couple-

building activities. We also take couples through pre-marital as well as post-marital counselling.

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CHOOSING THE PERFECT

WEDDING RING

BATTLE OF THE BANDS

BY : WANJIRU WAIYAKI

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Know your personal style: Focus first on determining your personal style.There's no rule that says that the bride and groom have to choose the same metal or even style. The key to finding something you both love is picking wedding bands that reflect your individual styles. But whatever you decide, some aspect of your rings should match to make it feel like a true pair.While you shouldn't be afraid of being trendy, make sure the style you choose is something you'll want to wear forthe next 40 years.

PLATINUM: Platinum is a naturally occuring white metal with a cool luster that showcases the brilliance and sparkle of diamonds beautifully.Platinum is durable, making it a good option if your live an active lifestyle, its density provides a secure setting for diamonds or gemstones. Platinum is also naturally hypoallergenic, so it’s a great choice for those with sensitive skin.Its elegant sheen will not fade or change color over time, making re-plating your platinum ring unnecessary.

GOLD: Gold is an extremely versatile metal, and the most common choice for jewelry.

Know your metals: Once you determine the style that suits your personality the next step is finding the right metal to complement that style.One of the first things you need to think about when choosing a wedding ring metal is the type of jewelry you typically wear. Look at your current collection and look for something that will complement the existing jewelry, this will also give you a good indication if you are drawn to cooler hues and sliver toned jewelry which in this case, silver, platinum and white gold wedding rings are ideal or if you are drawn to warmer hues

which means yellow gold and rose gold rings are best for you. Mixing both metals is a smart move that will complement any of your other jewelry pieces.

There is a wide range of metals you can choose from:

Planning a wedding can be the most exciting yet challenging and exhausting task a couple can endure. Numerous vital details and decisions need to be madetoensure that the wedding day is perfect.

Oneof the most important moments of the entire ceremony is the exchanging of rings, seeingas the wedding ring is asymbol of your eternal commitment to eachother as a couple.It is therefore extremely important that couples take their time when it comes to choosing the perfect wedding rings.These are the two major considerationsthatmust be made during the selection process.

Advice | Arusi Guru Magazine

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The type and percentage of metal alloys mixed with the gold determine the shade and color of gold. For example, 22K gold tends to be a rich, saturated gold color, while 14K gold may appear as a slightly paler yellow.

Gold comes in these colors:

Yellow gold: Classic yet fashionable, yellow gold achieves its warm patina from the red of copper and the green hue of silver. Yellow gold lost favor to white gold for a while, but has recently regained popularity.

White gold: White gold has a silvery white reflective appearance; it costs about four times as much as platinumand resists scratches and tarnishing. However, it may wear away over time, requiring a quick trip to your jeweler for re-plating.

Rose gold: Rose gold is very unique and has a warm, pink hue.

Green gold: While not that common, green gold is inspired by nature andcomes in a soft, pale green color.

Titanium and cobalt are also good options for men's wedding rings.

Know your comfort fit: Many people hardly ever take off their wedding rings, so you have to make sure that you try the ring several times to see how well it fits especially because fingers swell and contract becauseofheat, cold, water retention, weight gainand a myriad of other reasons.

To find the right size that will best weather all of those changes, schedule your final ring fitting at a time when you're calm and your body temperature is normal. Thateliminatesthe morning (you retain salt from the night before), right after you've exercised (fingers swell) and when you're extremely hot or cold (which can cause expansion and shrinking of your hands).It is always advisable to wear the ring being considered around the shop for a few minutes and while you have it on, try writing and texting as a comfort test.

When choosing rings from an online catalogue, always remember that they may look good, but fitwrong.

Know your warranty options:

It is important to know what kind of warranty comes with your purchase. Does the jeweler offer free cleanings and resizing? Will your ring be covered if a diamond falls out of your band? Ask your jeweler these questions to make sure your investment is protected. Also make sure the ring has two marks inside the band: the manufacturer's trademark (this proves they stand behind their work) and the quality mark, 24K or PLAT, for example (this proves that the metal quality is what the retailer says it is). If the ring consists of two or more metals, make sure there's a quality mark for each.

With those considerations in mind you should be well on your way to finding the perfect wedding ring!

All the best.

Advice | Arusi Guru Magazine

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We specialize in handcrafted, personalized wedding invitations and

wedding stationery.

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Gown The perfect bride

Make up artist 1 Make up by Ruthie

Hair Chic Tresses

PhotographerWraggz photography

Model Angeline Kaggia

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Dhahabu wedding planners exclusively focuses on planning weddings be it themed or destination weddings. We also aim to help those who are abroad to have an easier time planning their wedding with someone they can trust from the local market-Kenya, whether they are looking for a beach wedding down at the coast in Mombasa or a

safari wedding at the Masai mara.

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SINGLE & WAITING

BY : WANJIRU WAIYAKI

For many young women today being over 30 and single is a painful reality. We have the education,

the jobs, but the one thing we need to move to the next phase of life, a spouse, we cannot find. It

seems that dating today is harder than it ever was. There aren’t enough safe avenues to meet genuine single people who really want to settle down, and

most men willing to ask you out are either married or out for a good time.`

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YOU CAN HAVE A HAPPY AND FULFILLED LIFE.

You have heard it all....... "People think you’re too perfect to be single, you’re being too picky, you’re not social enough, and you need to socialize more”. You listen to their advice and you change hairs styles, loose or gain weight, get a new wardrobe, join the church choir (you have more visibility from the stage), join a gym (surely there will be more men there), get an alias name and register for online dating, improve your cooking skills, read relationship books, wear more pink dresses with yellow flowers ( have you read the book fascinating womanhood?), fast and pray, ask others and your mothers women group to join the prayers and fasting..... But wapi! 3 years later, you’re exhausted, tired, bitter and still single.

Every wedding invitation, every family gathering, every baby shower is a reminder of the emptiness in your life, no amount of education or work achievements will make them forgive or forget the empty finger in your hand…. But before you despair, every lady in waiting needs to remind herself that.

Sadly too often in our not-yet-married lives, we’ve made marriage a qualification for happiness and significance. Perhaps the greatest sorrow of the single woman is that we foolishly think finding love will mysteriously unlock all the happiness and fulfillment in our life .There’ve been days — a lot of days — when I really couldn’t imagine a full and fruitful life without a husband. But as much as God loves marriage, he didn’t design it to bear the burden of our source of self-worth and happiness. When we’re looking down the wedding aisle expecting a bride or groom to finally make us happy and fruitful, we’re looking for love, joy, and peace in the wrong places. God has already freely gifted us all these blessings, it’s up to us to unlock the treasures of His Grace and enjoy them

Feature story | Arusi Guru Magazine

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YOU DON'T NEED MARRIAGE TO VALIDATE YOU.

HAPPILY EVER AFTER STARTS NOW.

Many religious young people misinterpret marriage as an endorsement from God for good character. So they pray, fast, serve in Sunday school and perform many endless plays of godly activities, some changing from church to church hoping that God will reward their work with a loving and faithful husband or wife. Although their actions are good, God sees right through their false motives. Singing in the choir is not going to get you bonga points from God to get a good husband.Church is God’s house of worship not hookups! Marriage is not a reward from God or validation of worthiness. Because many people don’t get this, they therefore interpret singleness as meaning you’re unworthy, unchosen, unlovable, unattractive, not wife or husband material. Regrettably these negative views are replayed in our churches, families and social circles until they ruin young women’s self-esteem and eventually lives. Single women need to constantly remind themselves that they are beautiful, worthy and precious just as they are.

Marriage and kids comes with responsibilities and pressures that leave no room for pursuing self-interests. Singleness comes with the gift of having the freedom to govern your own money and time.

Feature Story | Arusi Guru Magazine

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MORAL STANDARDS DO COUNT.

DON’T GET DESPERATE

Stop procrastinating , now is the proper time to save up and buy that house, go back to school, travel, meet new people, find a new hobby, get that 6-pack you always wanted, invest your money, save more, change jobs, take risks. Discover yourself! Write your own story, use the season to pursue your dreams and subdue your fears.

The most powerful lie fed to single people is that they are not accountable for their sexuality and actions therefore they have the liberty to pursue every self-centered, self-gratification desire, and wipe the slate clean and start a fresh once they get married. Very often your single past always comes knocking in your married life. In fact, the testimony of many married couples is that marriage is more diagnosis than prescription. Rather than unlocking your virtues, it will more often uncover your flaws.Loving, responsible,faithful partners don’t just happen overnight. Good character traits are forged like muscles, it takes a lot of training and practice so start now and be the spouse you are looking for.

Many poor choices are born out of desperation and insecurities. It doesn’t matter whether you will be 35 or 45 next year. Human beings do not have expiry dates. ” Don’t get desperate and take desperate measures

Feature Story | Arusi Guru Magazine

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Don’t date married men or unworthy men, playing second fiddle, "mpango ya kando" just to feel wanted and have a man in your life, in the end it will only leave you feeling used. Don’t give your body, beauty, talents, emotions and time to a man who cannot introduce you as “my wife”. You are better and you deserve better. Your singleness and sexuality are sacred.

COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.It seems today everyone is living in the future. "Can’t wait to finish campus and get a job, can’t wait to change jobs, can’t wait to be married, can’t wait to get kids, can’t wait for the kids to grow up etc." We all need to stop, pause and learn to be present. Today is all you have, so be here and choose to relish the present. Enjoy the present and don’t drown today with tomorrow’s fears. So make a point to list 5 things you are grateful for every day. It’s easy to obsess over the one thing you don’t have, and soon the obsession becomes depression. Choose instead to celebrate all that God has lavishly given you today. In this season of singleness you have so much to be grateful for, cherish it and celebrate it!

In this life we all have to wait it’s not an option, neither is it easy, we cannot control how long we will wait but we can control our attitude as we wait.God has promised us peace in every circumstance .Whether you meet your future spouse this afternoon or live alone the rest of your life, believe that God knows your needs, promises to provide, and really can give you a peace-filled rest and perspective at every point.

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h a f l ae n t e r t a i n m e n t

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DON’T tag wedding pictures on Social Media. A wedding is a private ceremony that the groom or bride has chosen you to be part of. Unless you have their consent don’t post pictures or selfies of their wedding on social media, give them the privilege to decide if and when to share their wedding pics. It’s okay to Instagram your own pictures but not other guests and the bridal party, that rests squarely on the bride and groom.

DO Show up for the church/wedding ceremony Skipping a wedding ceremony and showing up for the reception is like skipping a funeral service and making it for the food. This is especially common with men. If you have the privilege of being invited to a wedding, it’s just one day, show up early and be there for the wedding ceremony which is the heart of the wedding, then join the couple in the reception celebration they have prepared for you.

Do dress up Dress up when attending a wedding. A wedding is a formal ceremony, and most wedding invitations go out at least a month before the wedding. This gives you ample time to find something formal to wear. If the couple has a dress code please observe it, if not ladies it’s time to doll up and wear that nice dress and impractical shoes you have hidden at the back of the wardrobe. Gentlemen, suit up! Or put on a nice formal shirt and pants. You have no excuse to show up in tracks or jeans to someone’s wedding.

DO watch your Children Very touchy subject……..I know .If the couple has allowed children in the wedding please try and keep your children with you and avoid them running up and down the aisle. If your child starts to cry please leave the service so that the ceremony can go on uninterrupted.

WEDDING ETTIQUETTE

A wedding is one of the most special days in a person’s life. Surrounded by friends and family, it is a day for everyone to celebrate.

Here are some of the less discussed but still important guidelines for the invited wedding guest

BY : WANJIRU WAIYAKI

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DO buy a wedding gift Weddings are an expensive affair, the costs all come down to the number of guests, so if you happen to be invited that means you mean something to the couple, so please come with a gift. If they have taken time to share a gift registry then please use it. If you’re not sure what to buy or if you can’t afford the items on the registry, then cash or gift vouchers will be highly appreciated.

DO stay out of the photographer’s way Self-appointed photographers this is for you. Do not ruin the couple’s ceremony especially as they say their vows by trying to go to the front and take pics. I've seen wedding pictures ruined because of people leaning or walking into the aisle trying to snap a shot of the bride. The couple has already hired a professional who will do that for them. So please put down your camera, enjoy the wedding and let the professionals do their jobs.

Ladies DON’T wear white. This one should go without saying, but just in case, we’ll repeat: Who wants to be that girl? You’ve got a million color combinations to choose from; you don’t need to wear white. Oh, and stay away from the light ivories, too.

DON'T hate, appreciate I’ve been to countless weddings where I sat on a table with very disgruntled relatives or friends. They hated on the wedding colors, theme, food, cake you name it, they had something nasty to say about anything and everything. Planning a wedding is an expensive process and time consuming and it would be very very sad that the people you call friends and family would spend your special day critiquing you rather than celebrating with you. Remember why you are there and enjoy their day.

DON’T forget to turn off your phone. Don’t ruin the couple’s big day by interrupting their vows with your incoming phone calls. Switch of your phone or put it on silent.

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THE ART OF SWAHILI DISHES.

Food is an integral part of Swahili culture.Weddings, being the epitome

of celebrations, are where the best food is brought out. Back in the day, way before outside catering, there were specific days before the wedding set

aside for preparation of food.

BY : AISHA ALI

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Nutritious | Arusi Guru Magazine

Women in the community converged

at the house where the wedding

was being hosted and prepared the

ingredients needed to make the food.

The rice would be sorted, onions cut,

potatoes peeled and spices roasted

and pounded into fine powder. This

event would be complimented with

music and dancing. More food would

be prepared in neighbouring homes

across the community to be delivered

to the house on the wedding day.

Whereas at Swahili functions food

varies depending on the scope and

scale of the wedding,there are those

that are a stapleand never lack. For

the nikah ceremony, for example,

halwa and coffee are provided just

after the ceremony, followed by fried

meat, tambi and mahamri. Some

choose to add potatoes cooked in a

thick stew. Several pastries are also

provided, including but not exclusive

to mkate wa sinia, vitumbua, vibibi,

kaimati, kebabs, viazi vya karai,

samosas etc. For lunch it is always

biriani although sometimes you

could find pilau.

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BIRIANIBiriani is a rice and sauce meal. The rice stands out as it is multi coloured. The sauce is a meat sauce which can either be beef, mutton or chicken. Biriani originated from South East Asia and the Swahili people adopted and modified it. It is a festivity type of food and is cooked in happy gatherings.

HALWAThis is a sweet delicacy made from cassava flour, sugar, ghee and spices. A lot of dry fruits like cashews, almonds, pistachios and raisins are often added to halwa recipes. Halwa is a heavy and flavourful dish.There are a variety of types of halwas across South East Asia and Middle East but the one commonly known as Malindi Halwa is an adaptation of the type from Oman. Because halwa is very sweet it is normally taken with strong coffee, kahawa chungu as it is commonly known as in the coast. There are several specialty shops where halwa is sold and is bought in bulk during weddings.

MKATE WA SINIA, VITUMBUA, VIBIBIThese three types of food are more or less made from the same ingredients, the main ones being rice and coconut milk, and it’s only the cooking method that differs. All are made from rice and coconut milk.

The rice is soaked in water overnight or until it becomes soft that you can crush it between your fingers. The rice is then drained and blended with thick coconut milk into a thick paste. The consistency of the mixture and the other ingredients added in this mixture differs for each type. Mkate wa sinia is then baked as you would a cake, whereas Vibibi is cooked as you would pancakes and vitumbua are deep fried

TAMBI/MKATE WA TAMBI (VERMICELLI) Tambi is fried vermicelli with added sugar. Mkate wa Tambi is prepared by coconut milk being added onto it and baked into a sort of bread. To add texture and flavour into this dish raisins and dry fruits like almonds are added. It can also be served as a dessert.

KAIMATIKaimatis are sweet crunchy dumplings immersed in a flavoured sugary syrup. They are made from wheat flour, yeast and coconut milk and deep fried and then put in the syrup after they have cooled down.

There are many other foods served at Swahili weddings but these are the standard ones. You will find variations of chicken cooked in many different methods- e.g, dry, stewed, fried, sweet rice, different types of potatoes and many many more, and no matter what the menu, be assured that ata Swahili wedding, you will befilled to the brim.

Nutritious | Arusi Guru Magazine

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Having a Swahili wedding theme is a unique and amazing idea that will take your guest to an unforgettable culinary journey. Contact caterers that can help you create the perfect Swahili wedding menu on arusiguru.com

Nutritious | Arusi Guru Magazine

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Gold leaf cakesc a t e r i n g

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TERRY & IJEOMA LYONSSHARE

Intro:First year couple Terry and Ijeoma Lyonsshare their story of love and life across borders.

Photo by Mwarv

When Two Worlds Become One...

AG:

Where did you both meet? I JEOMA: I went to London for my university studies. We met in my second year of my undergraduate studies. I was out in a coffee shop and he just approached me. I remember thinking ‘He is such a big gentleman! ’ . And that was the beginning of the end really! We have been together ever since.

AG: Two diverse families! How did your family react to your relationship? TERRY: To put it simply there was no reaction they accepted Ijeoma unconditionally and welcomed her into our family without question, they loved her. Her family has also been equally supportive of us.

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AG: Are there social pressures that you encounter as a couple?

TERRY AND IJEOMA: We really don’t take mind to that. People are entitled to their own opinions and they will voice them if they wish to. We know the issue of our age difference and race will always come up but that’s people’s problem. Not ours. We are not just lovers but best of friends. And we have strict rules about allowing people to interfere with our bond.

AG: What advice would you give inter racial couples facing opposition?

TERRY AND IJEOMA: T & I: If you both believe in each other and the love is real, have honest conversations with your loved ones. And never forget, you can’t please everyone.Fight ,fight and fight and listen to your heart .

AG: Your biggest challenge as a couple so far?

TERRY AND IJEOMA: Our age difference actually stands out more than the race factor! People tend to point that out more about our relationship. But transitioning back to the UK to be with my husband is a lengthy legalprocess and that has become our ‘new’ big challenge! It is emotionally draining. We miss each other terribly especially so because we have never been apart for this long. We talk at least 3 times a day with a few emails in between those calls. We plan his trips to Kenya regularly until when I can finally settle with my husband. We know it has made us stronger as a couple. We have truly learnt to appreciate ‘us’ time.

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Bonfire Adventures & Events Limited is a well established tours, travel and Events Company with over 5 years experience in handling inbound and outbound holidays not only for domestic tourists but also international tourists from all over the world.

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BY: ANGELINE KAGGIA

Kenya is one of Africa’s most popular honeymoon destina-

tions. Its luxurious beaches, breathtaking sunsets, iconic

wildlife, epic landscapes and endless scenery are among

the many reasons that couples choose to spend their hon-

eymoons on this side of the Sahara.

We came across 5 unique Kenyan hideaway destinations

that honeymooners looking for a romantic getaway would

fall in love with.

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Honeymoon Destinations | Arusi Guru Magazine

MASAI MARAThe Masai Mara, one of Kenya’s most popular parks and home to the incredible great wilder beast migration, is the ultimate getaway for honeymooners looking for a more adventurous holiday. Beyond the wildlife and unique local culture, couples can also reserve stays at any of the luxurious bush camps and spend their eve-nings sipping on their favorite cocktails while watching the sun set over the countryside.

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WATAMULined with white sandy beaches and dedicated luxury hotels, Watamu is the ideal honeymoon destination to enjoy sunny lazy days and sunset cruises in each other’s company. Delicious menus, honeymooners are guaranteed to have the time of their lives before they return home to married life. Watamu neighbors the Malindi marine reserve park, an ideal spot for tanning and

swimming.

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UKUNDAUkunda is home to some of Kenya’s best loved beaches. They are kept free of sea weed and stretch for kilometers on kilometers. Fall out of bed, roll onto the beach and have a delicious heavy meal before you go sky diving or swimming with the dolphins. Ukunda hotels have a myriad of activities for

homeymooners looking for some adventure.

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GREAT RIFT VALLEY

The incredibly romantic Shompole lodge is a stylish safari camp located at the edge of the Great Rift Valley. Its elevated position makes for breathtaking views of the vast plains below and the camp for which it is named. Honey-mooners looking for a quiet scenic holiday will appreciate the seclusion and privacy that Shompole offers

SHOMPOLE LODGE

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NAIVASHANaivasha is a beautiful and serene destination for couples that prefer to have a quiet honeymoon with light activi-ties such as bird watching and wildlife tours. Lake Naiva-sha, Hell’s Gate national park (the main locations for Lion King), Mt. Longonot and Longonot national parks are main attractions.

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NEARLYDESCRIBE US

T O P N O T C H D O E S N ' T

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The Marriage Act No. 4 of 2014 came into law on the 29th of April 2014 and its date of Commencement was 20th May 2014. The Act sought to consolidate existing marriage laws into a single Act. Consequently the following Acts were

repealed.

• Cap 150 The Marriage Act.• Cap 151 The African Christian Marriage And Divorce Act.• Cap 152 The Matrimonial Causes Act.• Cap 153 The Subordinate Court (Separation and Maintenance) Act.• Cap 155 The Man Marriage And Divorce Registration Act.• Cap 156 The Mohammedan Marriage Divorce and Succession Act.• Cap 157 The Hindu Marriage and Divorce Act.

A key feature of the new marriage laws is that polygamy was formalized and allowed and cohabitation was recognized as a form of marriage.Upon assenting to the Marriage Act, President Uhuru Kenya said in a press statement that “Marriage is the voluntary union of a man and a woman whether in a monogamous or polygamous union." This was because inasmuch as polygamy was not formalized it was quite rampant. The Marriage Act 2014 defines various types of marriages including monogamous, polygamous,

customary, Christian, Islamic and Hindu marriages.

RULES OFENGAGEMENTBY : RACHAEL & ASSOCIATES ADVOCATES

POLYGAMY AND PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENTS

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Polygamy means the state or practice of a man having more than one wife simultaneously. Marriage is defined in Section 3(1) of the Mar-riage Act, 2014 as “the voluntary union of a man and a woman whether in a monogamous or po-lygamous union and registered in accordance with this Act”. From this definition, polygamy is clearly recognized as a form of marriage.

However it is worth noting that the law applies only to marriages conducted under customary law and Islamic law, rather at state registries, but it is estimated that eight of ten marriages take the traditional form.

Section 6(3) of the Marriage Act states that cus-tomary law and Islamic law are the ones presumed to be polygamous or potentially polygamous in nature” Section 6(2) continues to state that Chris-tian, Hindu or civil marriage is monogamous.The special statute that regulates the conduct of the Muslim faith, that is the Kadhis Courts Act, allows the Kadhi’s courts to regulate issues of per-sonal status for persons professing the Muslim faith. The law categorically states that both part-ners in a marriage should be Muslims in order to benefit from the special law. Islamic Law allows a man to marry up to four wives.

It should be noted that inasmuch as the law legal-izes polygamous unions under customary law, it does not provide an official limit on the number of wives a man can have.

A prenuptial agreement is a legal document signed before an intended marriage that speci-fies very clearly how your assets will be divided in the event of a divorce. In Kenya, parties to an intended marriage may enter into a prenuptial agreement to determine their property rights. This is in relation to properties acquired prior to the marriage and the matrimonial property.

Matrimonial property as defined under the Mat-rimonial Property Act, 2013, to include the mat-rimonial home or homes, any other immovable and movable property jointly owned and ac-quired during the subsistence of the marriage. The Land Act, 2012 defines matrimonial property to include any property that is owned or leased by one or both spouses and occupied by the spouses as their family home;

Prenuptial agreements are provided for under Section 6(3) of the Matrimonial Property Act, 2013, which states that “parties to an intended marriage may enter into an agreement to deter-mine their property rights” Subsection 4 further states that “.… either of the party may apply to the court to set aside the agreement if it determines that the agreement was influenced by fraud, coer-cion or is manifestly unjust”.

Who signs it?

Like any agreement, a prenuptial agreement is a written contract between parties thus requires to

What do we need to know about the new polygamy laws?

What is a prenuptial agreement and how does it work? Who should sign it? What is it?

Rules of engagement | Arusi Guru Magazine

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be signed by the spouses. It can therefore be pre-sumed that, based on the types of marriages in Kenya, it can be signed by parties in monogamous marriages, polygamous marriages or cohabiting persons who are presumed to be married.

How does it work?

A prenuptial agreement takes precedence over other principles of sub diving matrimonial prop-erty. It is acts like an insurance, when one gets a life cover, in most cases one does not usually antici-pate any case of any unfortunate eventuality but when this happens you are covered. Therefore, a pre-nup presupposes that in case a divorce hap-pens then this is how you shall divide property.

There are advantages of a prenuptial agreement. In that it protects the separate property of spous-es where one acquires property without the input of the other spouse. It also protects property that has been acquired before marriage. It provides for responsibilities and rights of the parties to a marriage, this however should not be contrary to the law. It also protects third parties who have an interest in property owned by a spouse. Lastly it facilitates smooth and faster proceedings since property distribution has already been deter-mined.

Matrimonial property will be divided between the spouses in the case of a divorce or dissolution of a marriage. This is in regards to the contribution towards how that matrimonial property was acquired by either of the spouse. When a spouse acquires property during or before the marriage which is not matrimonial property, the other spouse if in any case contributes towards its improvement, acquires a beneficial interest in the property equal to the contribution made.

Legally in the event of a divorce, there is a process followed in dividing the matrimonial property. The Kenyan constitution recognizes that every person has the right either individually or in an association with others, to acquire and own property. It protects equality within a marriage stating that: “… parties to a marriage are entitled to equal rights as at the time of the marriage, during marriage and at dissolution of the marriage”.

The Married Women’s Property Act of 1882 was silent on how marital property was to be divided upon dissolution of a marriage and was repealed by the Matrimonial Property Act of 2013. This act was enacted to provide for the rights and responsibilities of spouses in relation to matrimonial property. Therefore, a woman has the same right as a married man; to acquire, administer, hold, control, use and dispose of property whether moveable or immovable.

The Matrimonial Property Act, Act No. 49 of 2013 statutorily defines matrimonial and separate property and protects the right of each spouse to marital property.

Legally, in the event of a divorce, how do couples share property acquired both before and during the marriage?

Rules of engagement | Arusi Guru Magazine

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Separate property solely belongs to that partic-ular spouse who owns and thus should not be divided in the event of a divorce. Section 13 of the Act specifically provides that “Subject to this Act and any agreement between the spouses before the marriage, marriage does not affect the owner-ship of property other than matrimonial property to which either spouse may be entitled, or affect the right of either spouse to acquire, hold or dis-pose of any such property”. One should also note that unless the other spouse has contributed to its improvement that is only when this spouse can acquire benefits from it. Property also acquired before marriage by either of the spouse shall also not be divided to the other spouse in the event of a divorce.

Ownership of matrimonial property vests in the spouses according to the contribution of either spouse towards its acquisition and shall be divid-ed between the spouses if they divorce or their marriage is otherwise dissolved. However it is worth noting that Section 14 of the Matrimonial Property Act states that where matrimonial prop-erty is acquired during marriage:

(a) in the name of one spouse, there shall be a re-buttable presumption that the property is held in trust for the other spouse; and

(b) in the names of the spouses jointly, there shall be rebuttable presumption that their beneficial in-terests in the matrimonial property are equal.

These presumptions can be rebutted by proving contribution in the acquisition of the said prop-erty. Contribution can either be monetary and non-monetary. It includes; domestic work and management of the matrimonial home, child care, companionship, management of family business or property and farm work.

In the case of land as in accordance to the Land Registration Act of 2012, it includes the rights of spouses. It provides that private ownership of land be registered in Kenya and the registration vests that person the absolute ownership of that land together with all the rights and privileges belonging to appurtent thereto. It does not forget to mention that if one spouse obtains land for the co-ownership and use of both spouses, there will be a presumption that the spouses hold the land as joint tenants. It also provides that a spouse will acquire interest in land if he or she contributes by their labor or other means of productivity, up-keep and improvement of the land owned by a spouse solely.

There are case laws that touch on the above, such a case is one of Echaria v. Echaria, Civil Appeal No. 5 of 2001. It was held that at separation or divorce, property was to be distributed in propor-tion to a spouse’s monetary contribution to that property. This decision severely discriminated against women who generally did not provide monetary contributions to the property, but pro-vided farm labor and child care. In another suit, C.M.N v. A.W.M, H.C at Nairobi, Environmental & Land Case No. 208 of 2012, argued otherwise. Lady Justice Mary M. Gitumbi ruled in favor of a women’s equal right to marital property. In this case the husband had made 100% of the mone-tary contributions to the family home and sought 100% ownership of that home, but the judge ruled that, “… the legal provisions in force now require this court to apply the principles of equal-ity instead. This court is duty bound to share the suit property equally between the plaintiff and the defendant”.

When it comes to customary law, the case is dif-ferent. This is because the African society is

Rules of engagement | Arusi Guru Magazine

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traditionally patriarchal and thus most Afri-can customary laws are discriminatory against women with respect to property ownership and inheritance. In most ethnic groups in Kenya, a woman cannot own or inherit land, and must live on the land as a guest of male relatives by blood or marriage. Fortunately, the Kenyan Constitu-tion which is the supreme law of the land pro-vides that everyone is entitled to acquire and own property (Article 65(1)). The Matrimonial Prop-erty Act of 2013, Section 8 protects the rights of women in polygamous marriages. It provides that upon dissolution of a polygamous marriage, the matrimonial property acquired by the man and the first wife prior to the man marrying another wife (or wives) is shared equally between the man and his first wife.

Any property acquired after the man marries an-other wife is regarded as “… owned by the man and the other wives taking into account any contributions made by the man and each of the wives”.

In conclusion, as stated above division of prop-erty has been laid down legally. Therefore, due process must be followed to ensure just measures have been taken into account in regards to the matrimonial property in the event of a divorce.

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Arusi Guru is proud to introduce “Ask the Guru”, an interactive question and answer section where the audience get to ask questions and have them addressed by our advice aunty- The Guru.

Dear Arusi Guru:

My journey to hell and back began 4 years ago, when I met "the man of my dreams". We had a short courtship and got married 11 months into our relationship. He was kind and compassionate, and always the life of the party, which made being with him very exciting. People liked him The madness began when one day, at a friend's evening party, i asked him about where he'd been since i had not seen him for at least two hours since he got up and left the table. He took my hand and led me to the car, where he shouted at me and then hit me. He claimed that I embarrased him in front of his friends. As i sat on the ground crying and in utter shock, he called for a taxi and sent me home.

The next morning, he came home with a new microwave and blender (things I had been asking for all year). He said he was sorry and it would never happen again. He claimed to have been very stressed at the time. He even called his sister to tell her what had happened. I believed him.Two years and a child later, the abuse goes on. We have had to move houses because our neighbours are tired of the drama. I quit my job when I got pregnant and so I have no money and cannot afford to leave.

His daughter loves him very much and I cannot imagine taking her away from him. Is there a way I can make him stop the violence without having to leave him? when we are on good terms we get along very well.Kindly advice

The Guru:

Violence is where we draw the line. It often masquerades as a grey area but should never be treated as one. Physically abusive partners often do not know when to stop. They have deep reaching issues that cannot be resolved over a cup of tea. For you own safety (and that of your daughter) it is important that you leave that situation immediately. The next violent episode could easily be the last one. Call a trusted relative or friend, and ask them if you can stay with them for a while. Those that love you will be willing to accommodate you until you can get back on your feet. Also get in touch with a good lawyer that will educate you on the legal implications of a separation. There is no way to make him "stop the violence without leaving him". Your safety comes first. Everything else will follow.

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Divorce and Death have this in common…they’re both the taboo places in our hearts, the dark burial grounds that the stone of deep hurt-anger-disappointment keeps under lock and key. Just today I read a quote from John Piper (God bless his soul), that “if Christ ever abandons and discards His Church, then a man may divorce his wife”. Oh how I understand the shame and stigma of this sin! I’m at a good place now, but I like countless other victims have for years ‘lived’ in this limbo state of ‘asunder’, despite the fact that I ‘moved’ on….until recently. I’ve yet to fully understand why now, but The Grace of a Loving God has rolled away the stone…and I’m beginning to receive insight into what was otherwise a dark place…so I write-

share.

LIFE AFTER DIVORCE

BY : CLAIRE WANGAI

GOOD is NEVER lost! This Truth is enough to off-set the bed rock of most bitterness. It is not a figment of an over-active imagination but rather, it is an eternal ordinance and principle. Dishonorable, vain, foolish, corrupt things are all subject to decay. If you really think this through, you’ll find it easier to let go of past hurts. I’m so glad the system is wired this way! It’s the reason

why people like Nero or Hitler are no more.

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No matter how things turned out, the good, noble, praiseworthy, beautiful things you did and continue to do will forever count for something. Let me share this wonderful inscription I read previously from an Arusi Guru posting, but I’II admit it’s only now that I’m beginning to understand it…Love is never lost, it’s only kept!While not all things are redeemable, TIME and CHANCE are! The same way the sun rises again, opportunities lost will come by again. Hopefully, you will be able to discern them when they do.

Foolishness is such a vice!

It is said that all losses can be traced back to lack of knowledge. This is one of the things I had to reconcile with after the dust had settled, after the finger pointing…it’s a pursuit that has gone on for over a decade now, my appetite has yet to be satiated…hopefully never! They say we learn through our mistakes, the key word here is LEARN. Work on yourself, re-new your mind; polish up both skill and character in whatever area you perceive weakness. Remember, longevity is only the legitimate right of those who have something good to bring to the table cheerfully; it’s for lovers not takers!

What God has JOINED TOGETHER!

We are created as triune beings (spirit-soul-body). In healthcare wellbeing is not the mere absence of illness but the optimum function of all three. I’m sharing this because I am deeply aware of the standard self-destructive paths that many emotionally hurt people blindly take.

Alcohol and drugs, poor eating habits, poor sleeping habits, lack of necessary physical exercise….all are risk factors with dangerous consequences to the mind and body. Please take proactive steps out of that road if you’re already on it…I know it’s possible.

It is not good for a man to be ALONE!

We were wired for relationships…family-friends-neighbors. There is strength in numbers…two are better than one and a three-fold cord is not easily broken. These words are not mere suggestions but keys to life. So in as much as it is important to set times aside to quietly sort things out, for introspection, to read and meditate …do not become solitary or a loner! Surround yourself with people who love and build you.

ALL things work together for good!

Lately I find myself marveling, because what seemed a deadly mistake has now proven to be the life saving fire that has been gently used to purge-help-save-teach-guide- me. It is pointless to waste this experience all together. I’ve heard it said, that Thomas Edison the inventor of the light bulb failed 1000 times before the breakthrough…but when asked about these failures, it is allegedly said that he replied; “I’ve not failed 1000 times but have successfully found out the 1000 ways not to make a light bulb”!

Be LIGHT to the world!

Take the Wisdom you have received and share the same with others. The older are to teach the younger.

Advice | Arusi Guru Magazine

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Seniority here is not determined by the number of years but rather wisdom in a subject. I was almost 29 when I first got married, less than 2 years later I was back at my father’s house with a 5 month old baby! Though seemingly old enough, now I know just how under-schooled I was in many things pertaining to life & Godliness. There are many younger people out there in desperate need of your input. Become one who prevents failure in others, a minister of reconciliation and an agent of Truth. Use the platform you have as a family member, a friend or a neighbor to do this…but gently. I am so grateful for the many re-building voices in my life.

Keep on choosing…

I came across this precious relationship gem on a ‘how to do love well’ article. That choosing means focusing deliberately on the beautiful gifts of laughter, sensuality, companionship and more….that Favor has bestowed on you. I have subjected and have been subjected too, to the sadness of emotional and eventually physical desertion. I wish I had chosen and was chosen intently and enthusiastically. I now know that Love, people, relationships don’t flourish by chance, you have

Kind BEGETS Kind!

At a time when fallacy is distorting the minds of many, it is good to be reminded of the Truth…that the evolution of lower life forms into higher ones! You cannot reap WHAT you did not sow! If you want grapes, sow some grape seed! Be pragmatic! Measure out Love and Love will be measured back to you! Become the sweet waters you’d like to drink, that nice person you long to date and love to marry….Do not be a bystander any longer in your destiny!

to choose everyday to focus on the good in ourselves and others. Choosing the beautiful and good in people waters the heart without which the yearning heart begins to harden and the fragrant flower of love withers away. Remember that anything unprotected is lost eventually. Work this nugget from now on.

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