A ROCKIN' PSEUDO SCI-FI

Written by

Adam Andreas & Fotis Patseas

Copyright (c) 2020

Draft 11/2/20

adam.andreas.t99@gmail.comfwtpat@gmail.com

EXT. CHURCH - DAY - ON 90S TV

There's a protester holding a poster with the face ofRichard Dawkins. Below is written "This is not science!". AREPORTER in a 90s blazer waits beside SUPREME DOCTOR ALFONZODUDAMEL, 50s in a strange robe. The camera op counts down.

REPORTERSupreme Doctor Alfonzo Dudamel, doprotests like these make you thinktwice about your presence here?

DUDAMELI never think twice, but obviouslythe people should. I made thediscovery that the common denominatorof humans is survival. But you cannottruly survive without appreciatinglife. You must be saved or be putaside.

REPORTERAre you referring to the arrests? Anew authority you've been granted bythe government.

DUDAMELlooks at camera( )

We aren't arresting. We are providingpeople an opportunity to livesomewhere else.

REPORTERHow do you explain your methods?

DUDAMELIt's simples. We give people holydesigned rocks and after the humancontact has been established, wemeasure the radioactive isotopes ofthat rock. This reveals their levelsof appreciation.

REPORTERAnd this works?

DUDAMELWe started as an experiment toeradicate depression and bring peopletogether. Our treatment has beenproven to work. And if the governmentapproves, so do the people.

EXT. EMPTY CITY - MORNING

HIMIE, 30s, hastily and cautiously walks to a garbage binand then back from where he came from. He comes back out,this time carrying a tied up body with a bag over its head.

EXT. ALLEYWAY/BEHIND CHURCH

Police sirens howl in the distance as Himie hides behind awall. Officers run passed. Himie notices a sad child holdinga shoe box. He approaches and sees a dead rat inside.

HIMIEAre you going to eat that?

LITTLE BUDDYNo!

HIMIEWhy not?

LITTLE BUDDYHe's my best friend.

HIMIEunder his breath( )

You sad pussycat.hands bag of cocaine( )

It's on the house.

LITTLE BUDDYWill this bring Terry back?

HIMIEWell lets see, little buddy.

Himie opens the bag of cocaine and dips his pinky inside. Hethen rubs it against the dead rats snout. Nothing happens.

HIMIE (cont'd)Doesn't look like it.

Himie rubs his cocaine covered finger in his gums and exitsas the kid stands with his bag of cocaine and dead rat.

INT. CHURCH - COUNCIL HANG OUT ROOM - LATER

Dudamel is standing in front of a TV camera. Watching in thedark as his posse who call themselves Rockefellers. They arethe council members of the Rising Apostles.

2.

DUDAMELHimie Panattoni is a traitor and anunappreciator.

ROCKEFELLERSUnappreciator, unappreciator! Hedoesn't appreciate!

DUDAMELThis unappreciator among us will behunted and defeated like all whodon't appreciate life. I know theseare stressful times, but I assure youmy resolve has never been stronger.In order to ensure the balance andcontinuing security of our society,our Cyber-Church of the RisingApostles will stop at nothing toexpand into a glorious empire.

ROCKEFELLERSGlorious empire! Glorious empire!Yeah, it's pretty good! I appreciate!

CAMERA OPERATORAnd cut.

Dudamel exits as the council members chase after him.

INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY

Himie enters and approaches a door with a touch pad.

He leaves the body on the floor and takes off the bagrevealing PETRA. He takes out a contraption stick which hepoints in her face. It farts. She then slowly anduncomfortably wakes up. Himie approaches the touch pad..

PETRAYou're a bigger asshole than my hotyoga instructor.

HIMIEHot like hot yoga? Or hot like youwanna fuck a guy?

PETRAYou shouldn't have brought me here.

HIMIEWell you shouldn't have told me yourhusband's rocks lie.

3.

PETRAThey don't lie, it's just ourinterpretation of what they tell usis different. They still measure yourradioactive isotopes and have magicalpotency and stuff.

HIMIEI'm tired of your interpretations,Petra. Tell me the code to get in.

PETRAGo fuck a rock.

He then types in appreciation into the keypad. It opens.

HIMIEStretchatella, baby!

INT. CHURCH - BOARDROOM - LATER

MASTER PATRICK DUDAMEL, 20s, is nervously eating ice creamat a long, narrow table. He starts eating too fast and getsa brain freeze. He pauses in pain and continues. The doorsopen as Dudamel and the rest of the Council members enter.Dudamel sits beside his son at the end of the table.

DUDAMELWe will start shortly, Rockefellers.

PATRICKFather?

DUDAMELWhat the fuck do you want from me,boy?

PATRICKThere was something you wanted totell me.

DUDAMELhuffs( )

Patrick, one day you're going to bethe eyes and voice of our Cyber-Church. I'm appointing you as thisnations president.

PATRICKI'm overwhelmed, pops. The governmentelects its own party members, they'llnever accept this.

4.

DUDAMELI think they will.

INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY - OUTSIDE BOARDROOM - LATER

Himie and Petra approach the side of the door. There's asign that says "shhh - bless rocks".

HIMIESo here's the plan. We go in, I'llstart by mentioning my charitycontributions, talk nice about theplace and how I marvel at the sky...the usual shit.

PETRAYou actually think that's going towork?

Himie grabs her shoulder and over confidently nods.

INT. CHURCH - BOARDROOM - LATER

The Rockefellers and the Dudamels sit and discuss expansionwith DIMITRIS who is on screen via Skype. Himie bursts thedoor open with Petra. Everyone stares.

HIMIEYes, Petra! I gave 30,000 pounds tocharity because I felt such immensegratitude toward life.

PETRAHow selfless.

HIMIEWow I really like the religiousundertones mixed with the industriousaura, in here.

DUDAMELstands up( )

Arrest the fugitive and leave thistraitor to me!

HIMIEWow! Guys! Love what you've done withthe place.

gets dragged out by(security)

This is a fantasy! It's a fantasy!

5.

DUDAMELI'm sorry Rockefellers. We'll have tofinish another time.

The Rockefellers exit.

DIMITRISNetflix it is.

hangs up from call( )

PATRICKPops. What was he talking about?

DUDAMELPatrick. If you want to be a voice ofa generation, you sometimes have todo... naughty stuff.

PATRICKWhat kind of naughty stuff?

DUDAMELNaughty stuff for other people's goodstuff, son.

points to rock( )Now show your Mother why backstabbingyour family ends with damnation.

INT. CHURCH - SECURITY ROOM - LATER

Himie is tied up on a chair. A SECURITY GUARD is leaningdown tying their broken shoe laces.

SECURITY GUARDDamn almighty church doesn't evenbother to pay for a new uniform.

HIMIESo you can see your leader is anunappreciator.

SECURITY GUARDIt doesn't matter. I need to followorders.

HIMIEWhat if I told you, you didn't needto follow orders, son?

SECURITY GUARDthinks for a moment( )

Okay.

6.

HIMIEStretchatella, baby!

INT. CHURCH - BOARDROOM - LATER

Patrick touches the rock and vigorously shivers. He thenlets go and exits. Dudamel picks it up and approaches Petra.

DUDAMELYou shat me out a donkey of a son.

INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY

Himie escapes and hurries down a hall named, Ultra SuperSecret Particle Accelerator Holy Rock Room.

INT. SECRET CAVE CHURCH

Himie enters a new part of the Church that is empty anddisheveled. Confused and curious, he walks around, up thestairs and under the arcs, noticing the piles of rockslaying around.

ROCK 1Hey dog, dog! Hey big man! Watcha'yupkin?

Himie looks down to two rocks looking back up at him.

HIMIEOh my god! Talking holy rocks!

ROCK 2to Rock 1( )

What's it yappin about?

ROCK 1to Rock 2( )

It's another human calling us holyrocks...

ROCK 2to Rock 1( )

You know the drill.

ROCK 1Yeah! Holy Rock, here! What are youseeking mah child?

7.

HIMIEThose apostle bastards are saying Idon't appreciate life. I'm notperfect but I know I'm saner thanthose wacks!

ROCK 1So you are an unappreciator, huh?

HIMIEEveryone is.

ROCK 1How prockfound... how do youappreciate life though?

HIMIEWell I do a lot of cocaine.

ROCK 2Rock... caine?

ROCK 1Do you have some on you now?

Himie takes out a bag of cocaine.

ROCK 1 (cont'd)My meat child. Empty that fuckingbag... pour it over us! And we'llgive you the answers you seek.

HIMIEThis is my last gram.

ROCK 2Now bitch! Now!

ROCK 1Dude, there's some cool sci-fi shitdown there! Now just shove the angeldust on us and get the fuck out ofhere!

LATER

Eventually Himie stops and notices something; A fax machinewith a note taped on it that says "Cyclotron 2000".

HIMIEThis is just a fax machine.

8.

FAX MACHINENo Himie. I'm Cyclotron 2000. Did Istartle you?

Himie dramatically picks up the phone.

HIMIEunder breath( )

Yes.

FAX MACHINEGood. I saw you flirting with thoserocks. Angel dust won't work on me.

HIMIEDo I sense conflict?

FAX MACHINEI think you know what the problem isjust as much as I do.

HIMIEI feel lost now. All power figuresinvade my mind blending my neuronswith banana lips.

FAX MACHINEI think your pain is justified.

HIMIEWhere the hell did you get that ideaCyclotron 2000?

The fax machine displays visual images; Footage of theSupreme Doctor not appreciating life.

Supreme Doctor doing a geology and astrology damnationritual around Petra. She hates religious dances.

It shows Dudamel picking up his son's dropped wallet. Hesees a condom in it.

DUDAMELI should have used one of these whenI fucked your Mom.

Him listening to the Beatles.

DUDAMEL (cont'd)Fuckin Paul McCartney doesn't knowhow to reach those high notes.

9.

HIMIEThat motherfucker doesn't appreciatelife at all.

INT. CHURCH - PATRICK'S MASTER OFFICE

Patrick hears noises coming from outside. He gets anotification on his phone and picks it up. He is shocked.

INT. CHURCH - ELEVATOR - LATER

Dudamel is inside. Patrick enters.

PATRICKYou were wrong about me, pops.

DUDAMELWhat way?

PATRICKunder breath( )

All the ways.

DUDAMELSpeak up, boy.

PATRICKI know you're a liar, pops! I knowrocks don't measure appreciation theway coconuts don't measure cynicism.

shows phone footage( )You're an unnapreciator. It's over!

DUDAMELShut up, boy!

PATRICKNo! You shut up, man!

INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY ELEVATOR - LATER

Dudamel exits as Patrick fumbles out, with a bloody face.

INT. CHURCH - HALLWAY

Himie is running out. He then stops as Dudamel casuallyapproaches him. They stare at each other for a moment.

10.

DUDAMELYou just had to stick your shittytail in this, didn't you?

HIMIEWhy did you really build all this,Alfonzo?

DUDAMELIsn't it obvious? Everything I did Idid to appreciate life and in orderto appreciate life you need to havemoney, power and unlimited supply ofgiant bubble baths.

HIMIEAmen, brother.

DUDAMELNow prepare to follow Kennedy's fate.

Dudamel reaches in his pocket but is soon interrupted.

PATRICKHey, pops!

Patrick hits Dudamel on the head with a rock as he turnsback. He falls to the ground, bleeding and unconscious.Patrick drops the rock and falls to his knees realizing whathe's done. He begins crying over his dead father's body.Himie puts his arm on his shoulder.

HIMIEFuckin stretchatella, baby!

EXT. ALLEYWAY - LATER

Himie stands beside the kid with the dead rat.

HIMIEto camera( )

You don't need to appreciate life tobe a good member of society. All youneed to do is suck on the sweet rushof life rather than big brother'sdick.

Himie takes back his cocaine from the kid, snorts it, takesthe dead rat and bites into it like a savage.

THE END

11.