A Mother is Not a Person to Lean on But

8/14/2019 A Mother is Not a Person to Lean on But

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A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning

unnecessary.

-Dorothy Canfield Fisher

January 2, 1997

Dear Melody,

For Christmas this year, I got you a lot of work. Montessori-like

equipment. And you have flourished with it. Just over this holiday

week, your vocabulary, expressions, your whole communication hastaken a leap. Daddy got you phonics equipment and you love it.

You do everything for yourself. All your own dishes and

silverware are in your little kitchen so you can set your own place at

the table. You help empty the dishwasher; your particular job is to put

all the silverware away in their proper slot in the drawer.

You've got a terrific sense of humor. Any situation can be turned

around with a laugh. I've had to be more patient and positive than I've

ever been before to give you space to act independently and to see

each task to completion. Everything takes so long! But it's worth it

now. Whatever we do consistently now, will be a routine part of the

program later. However long it takes, Dee Dee cleans up whatever

she's worked with. And cleans her room each day. I always keep it a

positive, upbeat experience. I de-intensify mistakes, frustrations,

difficulties. She is very patient and helpful. She has outshone all her


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cousins at holiday gatherings with her self-control and self-

directedness.

Working with her like a real Montessori teacher has been so

fulfilling. I'm in my element now. I know what to do. She's 2 1/2.

This is the age for which I was trained. This is homeschooling. I love

it.

While her hair is so long now, and she's so pretty and bright,

sunny and happy, it hit me the other day that she's only been around 2

1/2 years. That feels like so short a time. She seems so old. She

picked out a stone at the hippie store - petrified wood was the one she

wanted. She's an old soul. She makes up her own little songs and

rhymes. She sings to everything she does, from cleaning up to learning

to spell TOP, MOP, HOP, CAT, HOT. She recognizes the letters in her

name. She knows her colors. She counts to 20 on her own and thirty-forty with help.

She trusts me, I can tell. I've got to keep earning that trust all

the time. I trust her just about all the time. I trust her with just

about everything - even at great risk sometimes. I guess I'm playing

the odds for the long-term results. But she listens to me and doesn't

run into the street; she overcomes obstacles and fears by facing them

calmly with me - together. She experiences victory, success, power

and accomplishment at every turn. This period has been my favorite by


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far of all her stages. The older she gets, the more I and everyone else

really likes her.

Love,

Mommy


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Thy Name is my healing, O my God, and remembrance of Thee is my

remedy. Nearness to Thee is my hope and love for Thee is my

companion. Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor in both this

world and the world to come. Verily, Thou art the All-Bountiful, the

All-Knowing, the All-Wise.

-Healing Prayer

January 27, 1997

I want to document my efforts, my experiments, my successes

and failures in providing health and healing to my family in the tradition

of my fore-mothers.

When Bill and I agreed to drop our health insurance (we were

paying about $390 a month for something we never used), I

immediately began to collect my resources for home health care. I

studied homeopathy, healing herbs, minerals, vitamins, foods, as well as

"doctor-sanctioned" methods. I looked at Reiki, acupressure, hands-onhealing and other more esoteric healing sciences, but they didn't

appear to be practical to explore without certain training courses and

metaphysical beliefs. Plus, I just don't want to take the time to do

yoga or meditate daily or whatever to awaken my chakras. And how am

I going to get a two-year-old to do the exercises or sit still while I lay

hands on her.

The methods I'm starting to formulate are more intuitive. They

include a lot of touching, holding, carrying, praying, singing and so on,

but they aren't exactly a science. They are more a method of


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mothering, of being attuned to my daughter's needs or my husband's

stresses and also with the energy in life and nature and the entire

creation and the energy of God.

These journal entries are only anecdotal - what worked or didn't

work for me - but they evolved from all my research in countless books

I bought or borrowed. I'll document my resources at the end. The

books were vastly helpful, but they lacked continuity, if that's the

right word. They said "Do this or do that" or "Do this and that if this

happens." But I wanted to find, in one place, what to do before this or

that, to prevent it, or if it looked like this or that might be coming on,

what first steps to take to ward it off; and the things to do that

didn't just involve herbs or just over-the-counter remedies or just

diet/vitamins/minerals.

I have a houseful of people - all ages, sexes, some immediatelyfamily, some spiritual family. We live intertwined together and what

happens to one affects the others. I want to document what to do for

the whole family to keep them well, or keep some of them well when

one of them is sick. The process of prevention, health and healing is

what this journal entry is about. With that, I want to document the

first events which inspired me to write this in a journal.


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Flu Season - Winter, 1997

Erica had had strep throat already, and had missed school.

Her mom took her to the doctor and got her a prescription for

antibiotics, in "horsepill" form. She hated taking (swallowing) those

pills so we let her dissolve them in a drink to take it. She stated that

she had recovered so quickly because she eats healthy.

Then Bill got sick. First he was exposed to really cold weather

when he had to keep getting in and out of his warm van into the cold air

to a warm office and back - all day long. That night he said he felt

funny in his stomach. He always guesses food poisoning first, causing

me a bit of anxiety that I poisoned him somehow.

Anyway, by the next day, Saturday of Inaugural Weekend -

Martin Luther King holiday, it hit. He lost everything he ate and bodilyfluids out of both ends.

The best I could do was stay away from him and pump extra

vitamin C (VC), Echinacea (Ech), and multi-vitamins (MV) down Melody

and me.

At the same time (that Friday), Boo Boo had a fever and a double

ear infection. I tried to keep the two babies apart as best I could all

day.

MISTAKE: Important side note was that there were a couple of really

warm days in the 50's where I only put a bulky sweater on Melody. But


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we'd be out 'til after dark and the temperature would drop back into

the 30's.

REMEMBER: If the body's energy is spent trying to keep warm then it

can't be spent fighting off germs; thus allowing germs to invade with

less resistance. That's why you get sick if you go out into the cold air.

Bill will not take aspirin or any medicine when he's sick. Even to

relieve symptoms so he can sleep. He'd rather tough it out. He told

me that even after knee surgery, he refused pain killers! So I tried a

few natural approaches. When he asked for orange juice to sip by

Sunday, I spiked it with ginger ale hoping to help settle his stomach.

He still threw everything up most of that day.

He got a severe headache by Sunday afternoon because he had

stopped drinking anything. He was getting dehydrated. I suggested

Pedialyte. It was the only stuff I had for re-supplying electrolytes.But he refused. I told him to sip water all of the time, even if he

threw it up. At least, I thought, it would move the process along

quicker until it would finally stay down.

I also asked him if he was still urinating. If not, I said, it would

be a serious indication of dehydration that might require medical

intervention. He said he guessed he still was (he's a non-cooperative

patient). I began to worry about his condition after 2 days and 2

nights of his body rejecting everything.


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By Monday (a holiday) he was up and going on a couple of service

calls, even though he still felt sick. But he started eating again (salad,

of all things; I said that was a bit rough for a first meal but he kept it

down at least). And he was drinking tons of water.

PREVENTION: When one family member is sick, the other members

(especially the children) should avoid being near that person - even in

the same sick room. And begin to up the dosage of VC, Ech, VA, some

sort of ginseng for the adults, (I use Hi-Ener-G, a ginseng and honey

syrup. It's even available at Giant and it's not that expensive), and

Lecithin for the adults.

REMEMBER: Sugar weakens the immune system.

Reduce milk and juice intake. Milk is hard to digest, using vital

energies needed to fight infection. And juice has sugars, natural or

otherwise, and sugars weaken the immune system. Switch to herbalteas and water and some OJ. It's OK to use a dollop of honey for the

tea.

VA is an immune system booster. I made Ech Plus tea and

chamomile tea by the pot full. Melody drank it warm - hot most of the

time.

RECIPE: Also, Bill made a batch of chicken soup. Boil the chicken at

least one hour to get all the properties into the broth, whatever they

are. I think I heard that they are decongestant properties, but I'm

not sure. Bill uses noodles, carrots and celery in his soup. But I've


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heard a better recipe: Use root vegetables - they have decongestant

properties - and throw in a handful of beans, preferably lentils. Not

only are they a healthy source of protein; they also add texture and

flavor to the broth.

I also changed the bedding as soon as Bill left the bed long

enough to do so - by Monday. And I aired out the house - especially

the bedroom, and cleaned the bathroom really well.

Despite all these preventive moves, Melody got a fever by the

end of the next week. This time little baby Laura was also sick on

Friday, but I didn't realize it until later in the day. Melody had a high

fever Thursday night.

She was active and had no fever on Friday, but I kept the babies

home from play group anyway. It was very cold outside and I wanted to

keep Dee Dee warm.She wouldn't take a nap, however, and I really felt she needed

one. I even tried driving her around in the car. She dozed off for two

minutes after driving off, but she woke up as soon as I opened her

door.

She wouldn't eat anything and the fever returned by evening. I

took her to the chiropractor then and he adjusted her saying that it

would take care of the fever.

REMEMBER: An adjustment at the chiropractor's can help the body

heal itself quicker. If energy is blocked in a certain area (subluxation),


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then it can't flow properly to that area to keep it sustained. That area

becomes weak and susceptible to invasion by germs, to illness, stress,

dis-ease, etc.

I also bought nasal decongestant (ND) drops for infants. I gave

her a hot bath to clear her runny nose. I put her in warm jammies,

gave her two droppers full of ND, a sippy cup of her tea, and put her to

bed with the humidifier (warm air).

She got up 4 times during the night to come in our room, wanting

to eat or drink something. Finally, the fourth time, I let her crawl into

our bed and sleep.

The next day she had a low-grade fever and mentioned that her

ear hurt. Again, she wouldn't eat or sleep. I kept giving her herbal tea

(HT) and Ech, VC and MV. I tried another dose of ND but she still

wouldn't take a nap. Finally, I drove her around and she fell asleep inthe car. She slept maybe an hour or less.

That's when I decided to intensify my attention to her healing. I

realized she was getting chilled when she would leave her bedroom

several times a night to come into our room. She was getting chilled,

further weakening her body. So I decided to sleep in her room that

night (Saturday). She either slept in the crib or with me in the ABC

bed (day bed).

REMEMBER: Touch heals. Either by relieving stress, providing

comfort, sharing warmth or transferring energy - touch helps heal.


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She always wants to be carried when she's sick. Carry her, I say!

Trust her need and your mother's intuition to hold and comfort her.

You don't need to study the sciences of touch therapy - Reiki,

massage, acupressure, etc. Do what feels right and works for both of

you - rub her back, curl her body up into your chest, stroke her hair

and neck. Rock her in the rocking chair, carry her in the sling.

Whatever it takes and whatever works - DO IT! Keep a sick child

close, keep vigil and use the power of touch to heal.

I also prayed with her right before I put her down to bed. I

invited her to say the healing prayer with me. Then I said it as I held

her hand.

I put Vick's VapoRub in the humidifier trough. I also rubbed it on

her throat and chest. She got 2 droppers of ND and more warm tea to

take to bed with her.She awoke through the night in 4 hour intervals (right on the

nose of the duration of the ND). I would refill the humidifier, giver

her more ND and replenish her HT if she asked for it. I let her sleep

with me if she wanted to or sleep in the crib if she asked to be moved.

By morning, and for the rest of the day, she had no more fever.

She had a cough that was starting to break up. I told her "good job"

every time she coughed. By Wednesday, she was coughing up the

phlegm from her lungs. But she still wasn't eating, except at

breakfast. She was also so tired that she was asking to go to sleep


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early in the afternoon and earlier than her normal bedtime. She also

got cranky Wednesday morning.

So I put her to bed with the humidifier, ND (her nose was getting

runny again), and HT. I had kept her on a regular regimen of Ech, VC,

MV and an occasional VA. By Wednesday night, she was eating again

and back in good spirits.

But now I was starting to ache in my joints, feel really tired and

had a slight fever. I went to bed early - took a night-time dose of a

homeopathic remedy for flu (3 tablets) and felt my stomach begin to

churn. Within an hour I threw up once. The rest of the night I sipped

water and slept fitfully. I rested the whole next day - just taking

water and HT. By evening, my appetite was back and all was well with

every member of the family. I aired out the house for 15 minutes, and

all was fresh again.NOTE ON CHEYNIE'S EAR INFECTION: Tuesday night, Cheyne had

a slight fever and a light rash on his torso. He was also cranky. By

Wednesday, he had watery eyes, runny nose and wouldn't drink

anything. By Wednesday afternoon his fever hit 102.6 and he refused

to drink.

We thought strep throat but when Lisa took him to Nighttime

Pediatrics, they found he had a raging ear infection. A rash can

manifest itself as a symptom of an ear infection. His throat wasn't

sore but he had an ulcer on his tongue. And perhaps it hurt to swallow


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with such a bad ear infection. Anyway, symptoms, even straight from a

book, can fool you. He had all the symptoms of strep, but it was an ear

infection.

Mouth Sores

Early this winter several people I know had mouth sores all over

the inside of their mouths. They couldn't eat or drink because the

pain was so bad.

I didn't notice the problem in Melody until I tried to brush her

teeth one night and caught a glimpse of at least three of them. I

thought her refusal to eat was just another day with a toddler's

finicky diet.

The only thing I can remember her drinking was milkshakes. The

cold numbed it enough that she could drink. I also sprayed someChloroseptic into her mouth and she would get down an occasional bite

or two before the pain returned.

After about three days of not eating I really began to get

concerned.

REMEMBER: One last resort before going to a doctor is going to a

pharmacist. They're free, they know what's going around, what the

symptoms are, what's available over the counter as opposed to

prescription only, and they're very friendly and willing to help.


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I asked the pharmacist if there was any over-the-counter cure

for mouth sores. She said not really and commented that she knew

they were going around at the time. She also offered that there was

no prescription remedy either. There was only stuff you could buy or

get from the doctor to relieve the pain. They had to run their course,

which was about seven days. So I suggested rinsing with hot salt

water. She said yes, if I could get a toddler to do that.

Well, I did. I made it hot enough, or salty enough, that once she

got it in her mouth, she would want to spit it out. After about another

day and a half, Melody tentatively started eating. I knew that the

saltwater rinse helped kill the germ in her mouth more effectively, at

least as effectively, as prescription drugs would've.

Some things have to run their course. If you do everything right,

the course may be shortened at best.


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If there is light in the soul, there will be beauty in the person. If

there is beauty in the person, there will be harmony in the house. If

there is harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation. If

there is order in the nation, there will be peace in the world.

-Chinese Proverb

April 1, 1997

ENERGY

The more I get into healing and wholeness, the more I recognize

that energy plays the most important role in determining health or

sickness. By energy, I really mean the balance of energy. If

someone's equilibrium is upset, then 9 out of 10 times, that person will

get sick.

I am also more acutely aware of who is emanating or radiating

positive energy and who is oozing, or even vomiting forth, negativeenergy. I feel like I am this close to actually seeing their auras.

I noticed this first when my daughter and I were introduced to a

man who was a friend of a friend. I trusted my friend's judgment in

going to meet this man with her, knowing that she wouldn't

intentionally put me or my child in an uncomfortable position.

As soon as we stepped out of the car and the man approached

from the house, my daughter ran to me, greatly distressed. She clung

to me and wouldn't let me put her down.


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I suspected at first that it was his boisterousness or his loud

voice, and maybe it was only that. I sized him up, not really liking him

but decided that there must be something about him worth connecting

with or he wouldn't be friends with my girlfriend.

It soon became apparent that this man was someone to avoid at

all costs, especially with the children. He began drinking, smoking,

swearing, making lewd remarks and kept extremely violent and

offensive programs on the TV, all in front of the children all the time.

He associated with others who also had no consciousness of the

children in their presence, who were boastful, lying, lewd and rude to

everyone around them. My daughter would not go near any of them and

I had to protect her during the entire visit from the negative energy

emanating from this man. It was extremely stressful for both of us.

From then on, I began to tune in on the "vibes" different peoplewere putting out. I could tell by the way they made me feel when I was

with them, or by how my daughter reacted when she was around them.

I began to trust this feeling, this intuition, as if I were a mirror

reflecting who they were. If I felt good and at ease around them,

basically I sensed that much was in balance. If I felt tense or

defensive, I knew there was something negative coming at me. If I

felt anxious or exhausted after being with someone, I sensed that

their lives, their energy was scattered, in disarray.


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I am beginning to trust this instinct or intuition and to use it to

predict the onset of dis-ease or ill-health, to recommend, when I can,

preventive measures to ill-health and to identify the sources of

optimum health.

Eschew the fellowship of the ungodly and seek the companionship of

the righteous.

-Baha'u'llah

The ungodly will make you sick!


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HEALTHY FAMILIES

-from a parent letter in Growing Without Schooling, p. #92

"Treating them with respect"

...This is what I do. First, I do for myself. That is, if I am

perfectly capable of doing a task unaided (such as getting my book), I

do so. I expect the same of the children. Second, if I need someoneelse to help or take on a job, I ask nicely - pleasant voice, often a

request, rather than a demand, and always "please". Third, there is

give and take. If someone must attend to an unexpected task,

sometimes I will be the one, sometimes one of the children will be.

Fourth, when the tables are turned and a child needs my help, I am at

least as responsive as I expect her to be for me.

Despite it all, sometimes the children just don't realize all that

is done by the parents, including the interruptions undergone. So tell

them! (No martyrs, please.) They should know that give and take ishappening. However, I have found that children are most observant.

Given their due respect, they will cooperate.


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Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.

-Lady Bird Johnson

April 14, 1997

Dear Melody,

I call you "Dee" now. That's what Joe calls you (he's the little

Korean boy down the street who is one day younger than you). It

sounds so much older than "Dee Dee," that Boo Boo calls you. As of

April 10th, 1997, you are not a baby any longer. You stopped wearing

diapers, except at sleep times and long times away from a potty, like

Erica's lacrosse games. Almost simultaneously, you started dressing

yourself completely, picking out your own clothes, taking showers by

yourself, helping Mommy fold clothes, take out trash, clear out the

back trail and so many other things.

Daddy and I discussed it at length and he'll let me homeschool if

I really want to. I haven't decided yet.

But to celebrate your transition from infancy to childhood, Erica

and I took you out for ice cream, and I took you to the New Age

bookstore and let you pick out a token for your pouch. You picked adisc relief of a baby figure stretching out its arms as if trying to

break free. Perfect!

I took you to visit Lee Havis today. He paid me the greatest

compliment a teacher could pay to a student. He told me he could tell


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that I was doing a good job with you - being with you and supporting

your normalization. He said he could tell by watching you and working

with you. He said he was very proud of me. That was quite a

compliment - truly the badge of success for my efforts.

We've started working on sandpaper letters, number rods,

phonics reading cards, geometric shapes, graduated color cards, just to

name a few things. These are just the sensorial, language and math

materials, not to mention the practical life you get all the time.

I went to the LSA about how to integrate you more into the

community at Feasts and gatherings. I told them I want to go to the

PG South community Feast where all of the kids from Sunday School

are. They said I could do this if I really felt strongly about it but the

Assembly will continue to consult on ways to integrate my little 2 1/2

year old into its activities.Love,

Mommy


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For me, motherhood has been the one true, great, and wholly

successful romance. It is the only love I have known that is expansive

and that could have stretched to contain with equal passion more than

one object.

-Irma Kurtz

December 3, 1997

Dee Dee,

This is your third Christmas season. I'm doing my utmost to

protect you from the rampant materialism.

A Mother is Not a Person to Lean on But

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