“Antony is internationally acclaimed for his work in thearea of anxiety and is highly qualified to guide thereader along the path toward overcoming shyness. Histen simple solutions are sure to work for those willingto make the necessary commitment to self-change. Hisstepwise approach is explained with great clarity andsimplicity. This is an essential guide for anyone seekingto overcome problems with shyness, social anxiety, andfear of public speaking. A timely and most importantbook.”

—Jonathan R. T. Davidson, MD, director ofthe Anxiety and Traumatic Stress Program at the Duke University Medical Center

“Severe shyness and social anxiety are hidden epidemics, afflicting the lives of millions of people. Antony, aleading expert on shyness and social anxiety, has written a concise, easy-to-follow book that offers scientificallyproven methods for overcoming these problems. Thisbook is essential reading for anyone who wants toovercome shyness or social anxiety. It is also a valuableresource for anyone wanting a better understanding ofthe shy people in their lives.”

—Steven Taylor, Ph.D., clinical psychologistand professor in the Department ofPsychiatry at the University of BritishColumbia, Canada, and fellow of theAcademy of Cognitive Therapy

How to Overcome Shyness, Social Anxiety &

Fear of Public Speaking

MARTIN M. ANTONY, PH.D.

New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

10 Simple Solutions to Shyness

Pub lisher’s Note

This pub li ca tion is de signed to pro vide ac cu rate and au thor i ta tive in for ma tion in regard to the sub ject mat ter cov ered. It is sold with the un der stand ing that the pub -lisher is not en gaged in ren der ing psy cho log i cal, fi nan cial, le gal, or other pro fes -sional ser vices. If ex pert as sis tance or coun sel ing is needed, the ser vices of acom pe tent pro fes sional should be sought.

Dis trib uted in Can ada by Raincoast Books.

Copy right © 2004 by Mar tin M. An tony New Har bin ger Pub li ca tions, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Av e nue Oak land, CA 94609

Cover de sign by Amy ShoupText de sign by Michele Waters

All Rights Re served

New Har bin ger Pub li ca tions’ website ad dress: www.newharbinger.com

For my mentors, David H. Barlow and Richard P. Swinson

Contents

Ac knowl edg ments vii

In tro duc tion 1

1 Un der stand ing Shy ness and So cial Anx i ety 4

2 Plan for Change 18

3 Change the Way You Think 25

4 Con front Anxiety- Provoking Sit u a tions 50

5 Change the Way You Com mu ni cate and Im prove Your Re la tion ships

71

6 Med i ca tions 80

7 Coping with Re jec tion 94

8 Meet New Peo ple 103

9 Learn to Make Pre sen ta tions with Con fi dence

112

10Stop Trying to Be Per fect 120

Afterword: Planning for the Fu ture 127

Rec om mended Read ings 129

Ref er ences 131

vi 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

Ac knowl edg ments

A big thank you to Kayla Sussell and Cath ar ine Sutker at NewHar bin ger Pub li ca tions for mak ing the edi to rial pro cesssmooth and easy. Thanks also to Rebecca McEvilly for hercare ful assis tance in proof read ing and edit ing the manu script,and to Dr. Mark Watling for his con struc tive com ments onchap ter 6. Finally, a spe cial thank you to Cynthia Crawfordfor her never-ending sup port and encour age ment.

In tro duc tion

Almost every one feels uncom fort able in social sit u a tionsfrom time to time. In fact, feel ings of social anx i ety andshy ness are per fectly nor mal. How ever, some peo ple

expe ri ence anx i ety and shy ness at a level that dis turbs them, or that gets in the way of their day-to-day lives. If you worryexces sively about what oth ers think of you, or if you expe ri -ence high lev els of anx i ety in sit u a tions such as par ties, dat ing,pub lic speak ing, being observed, or meet ing new peo ple, thisbook is meant for you. Or, if you have a fam ily mem ber who is very anx ious in social sit u a tions, this book will help you tobetter under stand what your loved one is going through andwhat can be done to help.

This book dif fers from other books on shy ness and social anx i ety in a num ber of impor tant ways. First, unlike somebooks, this one is based on the same types of treat ment thathave been proven by research ers to be effec tive for indi vid u alswho suf fer from extreme social anx i ety. The strat e giesdescribed here are sim i lar to those used by doc tors and ther a -pists who are experts in treat ing social anx i ety.

Sec ond, this book is briefer than almost all other bookson the topic of over com ing shy ness. It is meant for those whowant an intro duc tion to the strat e gies used to over come socialanx i ety, but who pre fer a briefer, more suc cinct for mat, ratherthan a larger, more detailed book. If you find the strat e giesdescribed within to be use ful, you may want to fol low up thisbook with read ing a more detailed work book. For exam ple,the Shy ness and Social Anx i ety Work book (Antony andSwinson 2000) is filled with addi tional exer cises, exam ples,and strat e gies. This and other rec om mended read ings are listed at the end of this book.

Can a self-help book help a per son to over come his orher social anx i ety? That’s a dif fi cult ques tion to answer,because there has been very lit tle research on the use ofself-help treat ments for shy ness and social anx i ety. How ever,there are at least a cou ple of rea sons to think that a book likethis may be use ful. First, as men tioned above, well-controlledstud ies have dem on strated that the treat ments described in this book are quite use ful when admin is tered by a ther a pist, in aclin i cal set ting (see Antony and McCabe 2003). Sec ond, thereis research sup port ing the use of self-help treat ments for otheranx i ety dis or ders, such as panic dis or der (e.g., Gould andClum 1995; Hecker et al. 1996).

At the very least, this book will pro vide you with infor -ma tion about effec tive strat e gies for over com ing shy ness. Ifyou find it dif fi cult to use the tech niques described here onyour own, you will at least be a more informed con sumer, andyou’ll be in a better posi tion to seek out appro pri ate pro fes -sional help.

Of course, sim ply read ing this book will not be enough to begin to make impor tant changes in your life. To get the mostout of it, you’ll need to prac tice the strat e gies over and overagain, com plete the var i ous exer cises thor oughly, and mon i toryour prog ress care fully. A jour nal or note book will be the oneessen tial tool you’ll need to work through all the exer cises inthis book.

2 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

Many of the tech niques described here require you totake notes, record your expe ri ences, and mon i tor your use ofvar i ous cop ing strat e gies. Exer cises requir ing the jour nal beginearly on, so you may want to have it handy before you startread ing chap ter 1.

Read ing a book about ren o vat ing your home won’t make your house look any better, unless you fol low up your read ingwith hard work. The same is true of read ing about tech niquesfor over com ing your social anx i ety. Reducing your anx i ety will involve mak ing changes to the way you think and the way youbehave in response to the spe cific sit u a tions that trig ger yourfear. Read ing this book will not take long, but work ingthrough the strat e gies will be an ongo ing pro cess, last ingmonths, or even years. With a bit of patience and a lot of hard work, your efforts will pay off. Good luck!

In tro duc tion 3

UnderstandingShyness andSocial Anxiety

From the time she was a tod dler, Sita has been quiet andwith drawn around peo ple she does n’t know well. Sheoften can not think of what to say, and she wor ries that

oth ers may see her as bor ing or stu pid. After start ing a newjob, it often takes her months to feel com fort able inter act ingwith her cowork ers. When she is with close friends and fam ily, she is a com pletely dif fer ent per son: she is talk ative, con fi dent, and allows her sharp sense of humor to shine through.

Wal ter is quite com fort able inter act ing with oth ers atpar ties and in other casual social sit u a tions. How ever, he is ter -ri fied of being the cen ter of atten tion, par tic u larly inwork-related sit u a tions. Pub lic speak ing is nearly impos si blefor him. Even giv ing a brief report in a meet ing with two orthree other peo ple pres ent makes his heart pound. His fear ofgiv ing pre sen ta tions and speak ing in pub lic restricted the typesof courses he could take in col lege, as well as the direc tions his career has taken. For exam ple, he’s turned down sev eral pro -mo tions for jobs that involve giv ing pre sen ta tions.

1

Although he really wants to be in a rela tion ship, José hasnot dated in sev eral years. His friends tell him that he is attrac -tive and inter est ing, yet he feels extremely uncom fort ablewhen out on a date with a woman he does n’t know well. As he becomes more ner vous, he begins to sweat pro fusely, loses histrain of thought, and becomes very quiet. As a result, he oftenmakes a poor first impres sion on his dates, con firm ing hisworst fears that women find him unap peal ing.

Cindy does every thing she can to avoid look ing stu pid infront of oth ers. She con stantly mon i tors how she comes across, and she rehearses her pre sen ta tions for days to ensure they aremem o rized, and that she won’t make a sin gle mis take. If thereis even a small chance that she will look fool ish, she avoids the sit u a tion com pletely. For exam ple, she avoids driv ing on busystreets for fear of mak ing an error and hav ing other driv ersthink, “Boy, that woman sure is an awful driver!”

Natasha is afraid of almost all social sit u a tions. Even ask -ing for direc tions or inquir ing about the time are nearly impos -si ble for her. Walking down a busy street is tor ture, becauseshe’s con vinced that oth ers are watch ing her and think ing theworst. She always avoids par ties, con ver sa tions with strang ers,being the cen ter of atten tion, and even talk ing on thephone—all for fear that she will make a bad impres sion onoth ers. Recently, her iso la tion has led her to feel ing verydepressed. In fact, she some times feels as though she does n’twant to go on liv ing unless things begin to change.

Lance just moved from the small town in Mich i ganwhere he grew up to Chi cago, after being trans ferred for hisjob. Although he had lots of friends and an active social life inhis home town, he’s find ing it hard to meet new peo ple in Chi -cago. He tends to be a lit tle shy around new peo ple, and hehas been feel ing a bit iso lated. He’s begin ning to won derwhether he should have turned down his new job.

What these six very dif fer ent peo ple have in com mon isthat they suf fer from vary ing degrees of shy ness and socialanx i ety. In Lance’s case, his anx i ety is cen tered pri mar ily

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 5

around meet ing new peo ple. Although it was never a prob lemin the past, his anx i ety became more of an issue when hemoved to a new city. At the other extreme, Natasha’s socialanx i ety has left her almost house bound. In the other fourexam ples, the anx i ety is lim ited to par tic u lar social sit u a tions,such as dat ing and pub lic speak ing. Although each of thesevignettes describes a dif fer ent range of prob lems, every one ofthese indi vid u als is exces sively shy or socially anx ious, andeach of them is afraid of being judged neg a tively by oth ers.

Shyness and Social Anxiety:DefinitionsShy ness and social anx i ety are related, but not iden ti cal con -cepts. The term shy ness refers to a ten dency to be with drawn,anx ious, or uncom fort able in sit u a tions involv ing inter per sonal con tact, such as con ver sa tions, dat ing, meet ing new peo ple,mak ing small talk, talk ing on the phone, being asser tive, deal -ing with con flict, or talk ing about one self. Shy ness is also asso -ci ated with a ten dency to be intro verted; that is, shyindi vid u als tend to be more inwardly focused and moresocially with drawn, com pared to peo ple who are more extro -verted, or out go ing.

The term social anx i ety refers to the expe ri ence of ner -vous ness or dis com fort in sit u a tions that may involve beingobserved, scru ti nized, or judged by oth ers. Cer tainly, shy peo -ple expe ri ence social anx i ety when they must social ize withoth ers, but there are times when peo ple who are not par tic u -larly shy also may expe ri ence social anx i ety.

For exam ple, some peo ple who are nor mally fairly out -go ing may feel uncom fort able in sit u a tions where they are thecen ter of atten tion, such as pub lic speak ing, eat ing in front ofoth ers, writ ing in front of oth ers, using pub lic bath rooms, per -form ing in front of oth ers, being observed, mak ing a mis takein pub lic, or work ing out in a pub lic gym.

6 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

So, to sum ma rize, if some one wor ries about being embar -rassed or humil i ated in a social or per for mance-related sit u a -tion, that indi vid ual is said to be expe ri enc ing social anx i ety. If the per son is usu ally uncom fort able inter act ing with other peo -ple, he or she might be described as a shy per son. Shy peo ple,as well as peo ple who are not par tic u larly shy, may feel anx i ety in social sit u a tions from time to time. Both shy ness and socialanx i ety are nor mal expe ri ences. In fact, almost every one hasthese feel ings from time to time. Dis tin guishing between nor -mal anx i ety and anx i ety that may be a prob lem for you will bedis cussed later.

The Components of Social AnxietyMore often than not, social anx i ety is expe ri enced as anuncom fort able, and some times over whelm ing, feel ing that isdif fi cult to describe or con trol. One strat egy that can be use fulfor under stand ing your own feel ings of shy ness and social anx -i ety is to break them down into more man age able pieces. Most emo tions, includ ing anx i ety, can be under stood in terms ofthree com po nents: a phys i cal part (what you feel), a cog ni tivepart (what you think), and a behav ioral part (what you do).

THE PHYSICAL PARTWhen some one feels anx ious in a social sit u a tion, a wide

range of phys i cal symp toms may be expe ri enced. Often, themost dis turb ing symp toms are those that might be observed by oth ers, such as sweat ing, shak ing, blush ing, and speak ingunclearly. How ever, other symp toms of anx i ety may include arac ing or pound ing heart, short ness of breath, nau sea, diz zi -ness, and other symp toms of phys i cal arousal. When the per -son’s fear is accom pa nied by at least four phys i cal symp toms, it is some times referred to as a panic attack. The phys i cal symp -toms that take place dur ing panic and fear are sim i lar to those

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 7

that occur dur ing other intense emo tions, sex ual activ ity, phys -i cal exer cise, and other expe ri ences that trig ger these types ofsymp toms.

THE COGNITIVE PARTThe cog ni tive com po nent of fear and anx i ety refers to

the types of thoughts, assump tions, beliefs, inter pre ta tions, and pre dic tions that con trib ute to, and help to shape, the indi vid -ual’s feel ings. In the case of anx i ety, these beliefs usu ally focuson themes of dan ger or threat. Exam ples of beliefs that areoften held by peo ple who are socially anx ious include thefol low ing:

! It is impor tant that every body like me, all of thetime.

! If I give a pre sen ta tion, I will make a fool ofmyself.

! If I make a mis take, peo ple will think I amincom pe tent.

! I must always be inter est ing and enter tain ing.

! If some one stares at me, they must be think ingneg a tive thoughts about me.

! If I am not liked by a par tic u lar per son, no onewill like me.

! It would be ter ri ble to blush, shake, or sweat infront of oth ers.

! Peo ple can see when I am anx ious.

! I must try to hide my anx i ety symp toms.

! Anx i ety is a sign of weak ness.

! I will not be able to speak if I am too anx ious.

Not sur pris ingly, if you hold beliefs like these, you’ll beprone to feel ing anx ious in social sit u a tions, par tic u larly if you

8 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

are exhib it ing phys i cal signs of anx i ety. In many cases, beliefslike these are thought to trig ger anx i ety, or at least to keep the anx i ety going once it has begun.

Researchers have dem on strated that in addi tion to hav ing anx ious thoughts, indi vid u als with high lev els of social anx i etytend to pay closer atten tion to infor ma tion that con firms theirbeliefs than they do to infor ma tion that con tra dicts theirbeliefs. For exam ple, they may be more likely to notice thepeo ple in the audi ence who look crit i cal or bored than thosewho seem atten tive and inter ested.

Under cer tain cir cum stances, infor ma tion may also beremem bered par tic u larly well if it is con sis tent with a per son’sanx ious beliefs. For exam ple, peo ple who expe ri ence a lot ofsocial anx i ety are espe cially good at remem ber ing faces thatdis play neg a tive expres sions, com pared to peo ple who are lessanx ious in social sit u a tions (Lundh and Öst 1996). They arealso more likely to report a his tory of child hood teas ing thanare peo ple with other types of anx i ety prob lems (McCabe etal. 2003). This may mean that peo ple with social anx i ety areteased more often in child hood. Or, it may mean that theirmem o ries of their expe ri ences of being teased in child hood are stron ger than are those of other peo ple.

THE BEHAVIORAL PARTAvoid ance is the most com mon behav ioral fea ture of shy -

ness and social anx i ety. Often, peo ple will avoid social sit u a -tions com pletely, or at least escape from the feared sit u a tionsafter only a short time. How ever, peo ple may also find moresub tle ways to avoid sit u a tions or to pro tect them selves fromsocial threat. They may wear extra makeup to hide blush ing,avoid eye con tact, ask other peo ple ques tions to avoid talk ingabout them selves, turn down the lights so peo ple don’t noticetheir anx i ety symp toms, or have a cou ple of glasses of wine tohelp man age their anx i ety.

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 9

INTERACTIONS AMONG THE THREE COMPONENTSThe phys i cal, cog ni tive, and behav ioral com po nents of

anx i ety inter act with one another. The expe ri ence of anx i etycan begin with a phys i cal feel ing (for exam ple, shaky hands),which in turn trig gers one or more anx ious thoughts (for

10 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

Exercise: What Are the Components ofYour Social Anxiety?

Try to break down your own social anx i ety intoits var i ous parts. The next three times you feelanx ious in a social sit u a tion, record the fol low -ing infor ma tion in your jour nal: (1) What sit u a -tion trig gered your anx i ety? (2) What phys i calsen sa tions did you expe ri ence? (3) What wereyour anx ious thoughts, pre dic tions, or beliefs?(4) What were your anx ious behav iors?

When you write in your jour nal, be sure to write using the first per son, so that your ques -tions and answers refer only to your self. As youwork your way through this book, this will betrue for all the exer cises. Frame your ques tionsthis way:

1. What sit u a tion trig gered my anx i ety?

2. What phys i cal sen sa tions did I expe ri ence?

3. What were my anx ious thoughts, pre dic -tions, or beliefs?

4. What were my anx ious behav iors? In other words, what did I do to pro tect myselffrom anx i ety? (For exam ple, did I avoid or escape from the sit u a tion? Did I take other actions to reduce my fear?)

exam ple, “if peo ple notice my hands shak ing, they will think Iam a freak”), and var i ous anx ious behav iors (such as leav ing aparty fif teen min utes after arriv ing).

Or, the pro cess can begin with a thought. For exam ple, if you are think ing that your audi ence is unlikely to enjoy yourpre sen ta tion, that may trig ger some phys i cal responses, such as sweat ing or a rac ing heart. These arousal symp toms may trig -ger more intense anx ious thoughts, and in the end, you maydecide to avoid the sit u a tion.

The whole cycle also can begin with avoid ance of afeared sit u a tion, or with some sort of pro tec tive behav ior.Although these behav iors are effec tive for reduc ing feel ings ofanx i ety in the short term, they often help to keep your anx i ety alive over the long term by pre vent ing you from ever learn ingthat the sit u a tion is much more man age able than it feels. Infact, the more you avoid an unpleas ant sit u a tion, the harder itis to enter that sit u a tion later. (Just ask your self, “What is thehard est day of the week to drag your self into work?” Formany peo ple, the answer is Mon day.)

As men tioned in the Intro duc tion , you will find it essen -tial to keep a jour nal as you work through the strat e giesdescribed in this book. If you keep a jour nal, most of the exer -cises will be much eas ier to com plete and keep orga nized.

Who Experiences Social Anxiety?Almost every one gets anx ious in social sit u a tions from time totime. Come dian Jerry Seinfeld com mented in one of his mono -logues that, “accord ing to most stud ies, peo ple’s num ber onefear is pub lic speak ing. Num ber two fear is death. Death isnum ber two! Now, this means, to the aver age per son, if youhave to go to a funeral, you’re better off in the cas ket thandoing the eulogy!” Seinfeld’s con clu sion is ques tion able, but itis clear that shy ness and social anx i ety are almost uni ver sal.

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 11

For exam ple, in a series of sur veys by psy chol o gist Phillip Zimbardo and col leagues (e.g., Carducci and Zimbardo 1995;Henderson and Zimbardo 1999; Zimbardo, Pilkonis, andNorwood 1975), 40 per cent of indi vid u als described them -selves as chron i cally shy, to the point of it being a prob lem. Of the remain ing 60 per cent, most peo ple reported that they areshy in cer tain sit u a tions, or that they were shy pre vi ously. Infact, only 5 per cent of peo ple reported that they are never shy.

In research con ducted at our Anx i ety Treat ment andResearch Cen tre, we found that phys i cal symp toms of socialanx i ety are com mon in the gen eral pop u la tion. In our study,most indi vid u als reported phys i cal symp toms of anx i ety insocial sit u a tions from time to time. Some of the most com monof these include but ter flies in the stom ach, feel ings of ten sion,blush ing, trou ble express ing one self clearly, rac ing heart, stam -mer ing, a lump in the throat, sweat ing, shak ing, and a ten -dency to smile, laugh, or talk uncon trol la bly or inap pro pri ately (Purdon et al. 2001).

Are Shyness and Social AnxietyAlways a Problem?Most of the time, the only con se quence of feel ing socially anx -ious is the tem po rary dis com fort that the indi vid ual expe ri -ences in the sit u a tion. In many cases, the anx i ety is notnotice able to other peo ple, and the symp toms don’t inter ferewith the indi vid ual’s func tion ing. If other peo ple do notice the indi vid ual’s anx i ety, their response is usu ally not harsh. In fact, small amounts of shy ness and social anx i ety may be seen aspos i tive attrib utes. Shy ness may some times be seen as a sign ofbeing mod est or as one of the down-to-earth traits oftenviewed as refresh ing and desir able.

In fact, not being socially anx ious enough can be a prob lem for some indi vid u als. We all know peo ple who we wish weremore con cerned about what oth ers think about them. For most

12 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

of us, a lit tle bit of shy ness and social anx i ety are use ful traits tohave. If you were never con cerned about being judged by oth ers,you would prob a bly do things that would get you into trou ble.You would always say exactly what’s on your mind, with out con -sid er ing the effects on oth ers. You would show up late for work,give pre sen ta tions with out pre par ing, and dis close infor ma tionthat is best kept pri vate. Before long, oth ers would begin torespond neg a tively, and there would be neg a tive con se quences. A cer tain amount of social anx i ety pro tects you from doing thingsthat could lead to severe social con se quences.

WHEN ARE SHYNESS AND SOCIALANXIETY PROBLEMS?Social anx i ety becomes a prob lem when it hap pens too

fre quently and too intensely, so much so that the per son is dis -tressed by the level of the anx i ety, has dif fi culty func tion ing,and is unable to achieve impor tant life goals. For exam ple, asales man who becomes anx ious and shuts down when ever hehas to con verse with poten tial cus tom ers prob a bly will find thathis anx i ety inter feres with his abil ity to make a good income.Sim i larly, a woman who wants to be in a rela tion ship but turnsdown every oppor tu nity to date, for fear of mak ing a badimpres sion, is likely to feel dis cour aged and stuck as a result ofher anx i ety. In these cases, social anx i ety is clearly a prob lem.

When social anx i ety becomes a sig nif i cant prob lem, men -tal health pro fes sion als often refer to the con di tion as socialpho bia or social anx i ety dis or der. This is an extreme form ofsocial anx i ety that causes con sid er able dis tress or impair mentin day-to-day func tion ing. Social pho bia can have a severeimpact on many dif fer ent domains of liv ing, includ ing closerela tion ships, edu ca tion, career, social life, hob bies, and otherareas of func tion ing.

There has been some dis agree ment across sev eral stud iesas to how prev a lent social pho bia is, but our best esti mate,based on a study by Cana dian research ers, puts it in the

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 13

prob a ble range of 7 per cent of the total pop u la tion (Stein,Walker, and Forde 1994). In other words, almost one in fif -teen indi vid u als suf fers from social pho bia, and many morehave milder man i fes ta tions of social anx i ety that can be aprob lem from time to time. Social anx i ety occurs fre quently inboth men and women, and across cul tures, although dif fer entpeo ple may show their anx i ety in dif fer ent ways.

Causes of Social AnxietyNobody knows exactly what causes peo ple to become sociallyanx ious, although we do under stand some of the fac tors thatmost likely play a role. The under ly ing causes of shy ness andper for mance anx i ety are com plex, and prob a bly dif fer some -what from per son to per son.

Like other forms of anx i ety, social anx i ety prob a bly devel -oped through evo lu tion as a way to pro tect us from poten tialdan gers or threats. As men tioned ear lier, our social anx i ety helpsus to keep our impulses in check, so we don’t con tin u ally do orsay things that we will regret later. Still, for some indi vid u als, the

14 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

Exercise: How Shyness Interferes withYour Life

Pick up your jour nal and on a fresh page enti -tled “How Shy ness Interferes with My Life,”write down the ways in which your shy ness or social anx i ety inter feres with your life. Howwould things be dif fer ent if shy ness or per for -mance anx i ety were not a prob lem for you?Would you have more friends? Dif fer entfriends? A dif fer ent job? Dif fer ent hob bies?How dif fer ently would you spend your time?Would your rela tion ships with oth ers change?

anx i ety is exces sive, unre al is tic, and often not par tic u larly help ful. In other words, they have too much of a good thing.

For sev eral decades, research ers have been try ing tounder stand the fac tors that cause some of us to develop sig nif i -cant prob lems with social anx i ety. Some of the fac tors they’veuncov ered include the fol low ing.

GENETICS. Social anx i ety tends to run in fam i lies. Sta tis tically,a per son who has a par ent or sib ling with social pho bia isabout ten times more likely to develop social pho bia than issome one whose fam ily mem bers don’t have social pho bia(Stein et al. 1998). In addi tion, there is some evi dence thatgenet ics (rather than exclu sively envi ron men tal fac tors, e.g.,learn ing) may partly explain the trans mis sion of social anx i etyfrom one gen er a tion to the next. Traits often asso ci ated withsocial anx i ety (e.g., intro ver sion) tend to be quite her i ta ble.

THE BRAIN. Recent stud ies have shown that when an indi vid ual expe ri ences anx i ety related to a social or per for mance sit u a -tion, cer tain areas of the brain are more active than oth ers(Tillfors et al. 2001; Tillfors et al. 2002), as indi cated by dif -fer ences in blood flow across dif fer ent brain regions. Fur ther -more, treat ment for social pho bia (with either med i ca tion orpsy cho log i cal treat ment) appears to lead to changes in thesepat terns of brain activ ity (Furmark et al. 2002). Althoughresearch find ings are mixed, neurotransmitters (the chem i calmes sen gers that trans mit infor ma tion from one brain cell toanother), such as sero to nin and dopa mine, prob a bly play a role in social anx i ety as well.

LEARNING. It is well estab lished that learn ing and expe ri ence canplay an impor tant role in the devel op ment of fear. In some cases, neg a tive life expe ri ences (such as being teased or crit i cized inchild hood) may con trib ute to higher lev els of social anx i ety.Growing up with other peo ple who are shy or socially anx iousalso may play a role, because we often learn how to behave bywatch ing oth ers, includ ing our par ents. Finally, being told repeat -edly how impor tant it is to always make a good impres sion on

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 15

oth ers may lead some peo ple to become overly con cerned aboutmak ing mis takes and about being judged neg a tively.

ANXIOUS BELIEFS. As dis cussed ear lier, a per son’s beliefs alsoseem to con trib ute to the ten dency to feel anx ious in social sit -u a tions. If social sit u a tions are mis tak enly viewed as dan ger ous or threat en ing, the per son hold ing such a view is far like lier tofeel uncom fort able and vul ner a ble when exposed to these sit u -a tions. Peo ple who are socially anx ious often believe (1) that it is extremely impor tant to make a pos i tive impres sion on oth -ers, (2) they are very likely to make a neg a tive impres sion onoth ers, and (3) that the result of that neg a tive impres sion willbe a disas ter. No won der social anx i ety can be such a chronicprob lem for some peo ple.

ANXIOUS BEHAVIORS. As dis cussed ear lier in this chap ter, anx -ious behav iors like avoid ance can help to main tain shy ness and feel ings of anx i ety over the long term. The more you try topro tect your self from feel ing anx ious, or from mak ing a badimpres sion, the more likely you are to con tinue feel ing anx ious down the road. Over coming shy ness will involve con front ingthe sit u a tions that make you feel uncom fort able.

16 10 Sim ple So lu tions to Shy ness

Exercise: What Are the FactorsContributing to Your Social Anxiety?

Are you aware of any fac tors that may havecon trib uted to your social anx i ety prob lems? Ifso, record them on a fresh page in your jour -nal. To help you get started, answer these ques -tions: Were you always anx ious in social orper for mance sit u a tions? Did you have any neg -a tive expe ri ences related to social sit u a tions?Are your par ents or other fam ily mem bers veryshy? Might you have learned some of thesebehav iors from them?

Effective Treatments for SocialAnxiety: An OverviewThere are many dif fer ent approaches to cop ing with feel ings of anx i ety. This book dis cusses strat e gies that have been shown to be par tic u larly use ful, based on care fully con trolled stud ies.These treat ments gen er ally fall under two main cat e go ries:cog ni tive behav ioral ther apy (CBT) and med i ca tions. Chap ter6 reviews med i ca tion treat ments that can help with social anx i -ety. Chap ters 3, 4, and 5 review cog ni tive and behav ioral tech -niques for deal ing with social anx i ety. These include cog ni tivestrat e gies for learn ing to change your anx ious beliefs, expo -sure-based tech niques for learn ing to directly con front anx i -ety-provoking social sit u a tions, and com mu ni ca tion train ingfor learn ing to com mu ni cate more effec tively. Together, theseCBT strat e gies pro vide proven meth ods for learn ing how tocope more effec tively with your feel ings of shy ness and anx i ety in social sit u a tions.

Understanding Shyness and Social Anxiety 17