5 Introduction to Effective Sentences

8/16/2019 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences

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Effective Sentences

Sentences show

• Style relationships.

• Grammatical relationships

What’s wrong?

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

“Order your summers suit. Because in

big rush we will execute customers instrict rotation.”

From the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Artby 15,000 Soviet Republic painters andsculptors. These were executed over thepast two years.

ول

رو و

د

دول

.

What’s wrong?

At a Budapest zoo:

“Please do not feed the animals. If you haveany suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across fromRussian Orthodox monastery:

“You are welcome to visit the cemetery wherefamous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,and writers are buried daily except Thursday.”

Employees will be able to nominatetwo employees to receive the bestemployee of the month award

I am sending you this announcementto let you all know that Friday will be aworking day.

The General Manager definitely gave afine presentation that was actuallyheard by the employees.

We must consider this problem.

Effective sentences should becorrect; and have unity ofidea, emphasize the rightparts, show cohesion ofparts, be precise inmeaning, be concise,show word propriety, beclear in meaning, and

show variet in structure.

If on the date of opening of bid, theaverage price of domestic product is notmore than 10 percent above the averageof types, which price should reflect theprice of premium quality products, and ifreasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity , the saidbid will be awarded for local productsthat do not exceed 10 percent more thanforeign equivalents and the proceduresset forth for awarding contracts willapply.


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If necessary, click "To:" tochoose a different recipienttype; click Reply to answer a

message: click Reply to respondto the sender alone and ReplyAll to respond to all addresseesin the message. Toautomatically include the text ofa message to which you arereplying in the compositionwindow, click “Quote.”

A practical multipurposecompact distillation towereffluent gas continuousanalysis solid state unit

Comment on the followingcompound noun

Electricity is useful. Electricity ispractical. Electricity is economic.Electricity is generated in largepower plants. Electricity isenvironmentally friendly. Electricityis expensive. Electricity is

important. Electricity is the backboneof modern life and economies.Electricity in Egypt is 80% fromnatural gas. Electricity in France is60% from nuclear sources.

All supervisors are herewithfirmly instructed to return thedue performance appraisalforms for all their employees tothe designated HR officer.

Please return the performanceappraisal forms to the HRdepartment.

Please be informed that forcertain uncontrollablecircumstances, we will beunable to handout requiredelements in time becauseavailable resources shall not bemobilized in time.

There is no doubt that …. ?

They specialize in a computer; the futureof data processing looks good.

Because oil prices are low, thesearch for new sources of energy isintensive.

Presenting a good outline of the budget,the management approved the outlinerapidly.

Today, a jet engine develops over 40,000lb. of thrust which weighs 5000 lb.


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Formatting and few touchescan improve readability, re-

wording effectiveness

Effective sentences should

be correct, and1. have unity of idea2. Emphasize the right part3. show cohesion of parts4. be precise in meaning5. be concise6. show word propriety7. be clear in meaning8. show variety in structure.

A bid will be awarded for local products

if the average price of domesticproduct is not more than 10 percentabove the average price of otherrepresentative types

if the price reflects the price ofpremium quality products

if reasonable bid proposals have been

received for the whole quantity if they do not exceed 10 percent more

than foreign equivalents if the procedures set forth for

awarding contracts will apply.

1. If the average price of domesticproduct is not more than 10 percentabove the average price of otherrepresentative types

2. if the price reflects the price ofpremium quality products

3. if reasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity

4. if they do not exceed 10 percent morethan foreign equivalents5. if the procedures set forth for

awarding contracts will apply,

the bid will be awarded for local products.

If necessaryclick "To:" to choose a differentrecipient typeclick Reply to answer a messageclick Reply to respond to the senderalone and Reply All to respond to alladdressees in the messageclick Quote to automatically includethe text of a message to which youare replying in the compositionwindow.

If necessary, click "To:" to choosea different recipient type; clickReply to answer a message: click

Reply to respond to the sender

alone and Reply All to respond toall addressees in the message. To

automatically include the text of a

message to which you are replying

in the composition window, click

Quote.


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We cannot give you a room on theexecutive floor today, but we can

provide you with a room on the18th floor with a sea view.

We can offer you an excellentroom on the 18th floor with a sea-view since all the rooms on theexecutive floor are alreadyoccupied.

Timeliness is considered apriority by all managers.

A key priority of all managers istimeliness.

All managers consider timelinessas one of their top priorities.

Explore the possibility ofordering additional supplies andensure that the supplies can bedelivered on time.

Explore the possibility ofordering additional supplies, but

most importantly, ensure that thesuppliers can deliver them ontime! AlsoIn addition to the above

AwareFully cognizant of

IfIn the event that

PleaseFeel free to

NowAt this point in time

AllowAfford an opportunity

If you get a negative performanceevaluation during your probationperiod, you will be terminated.

You will secure the position, onceyou successfully complete yourprobation period.

Negative

Positive tone

1) Unity

The sentence should dealwith one idea, or connects

related thoughts.


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Unity of the sentence is

disturbed by

grammar and style errors, unrelated thoughts, long parts of speech,misplaced parts of speech, excessive details….

If necessary, click "To:" tochoose a different recipienttype; click Reply to answer a

message: click Reply to respondto the sender alone and ReplyAll to respond to all addresseesin the message. Toautomatically include the text ofa message to which you arereplying in the compositionwindow, click “Quote.”

What’s wrong?

At a Budapest zoo:

“Please do not feed the animals. If you haveany suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.”

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across fromRussian Orthodox monastery:

“You are welcome to visit the cemetery wherefamous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,and writers are buried daily except Thursday.”

What’s wrong?

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

“Order your summers suit. Because inbig rush we will execute customers instrict rotation.”

From the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Artby 15,000 Soviet Republic painters andsculptors. These were executed over thepast two years.





2. CohesionThe sentence is cohesive when parts are tiedtogether. Cohesion can be within the sentence,between sentences, and between paragraphs.

⌧ The chief engineer had, in spite of his notwilling to share with us this meeting, pride ofthe department's performance.

⌧ The new hardware is the one to, whetherexpensive or not, use in design.

? The (x) production (x) dropped (x) 10%.Consider putting “almost” where “x’s” are.

⌧ Those who watch television rarely read much.


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2.Cohesion

Tools showing relations to improvecohesion.

1.coordinating or subordinating

2. information ordering3. repeating specific words.4. pronouns5. the definite article6. demonstratives7. connectives and transition words8. visual formatting and use of colors9. other wa s of or anization.

Cohesion

First of all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses

on a single idea or theme . Second, a goodparagraph has coherence: one sentence leads tothe next in some kind of logical sequence . Finally,a good paragraph has adequate content : eachsentence contains appropriate details to supportthe main idea .

Parallelism

Once made, you should execute thedecision.

Coordination, punctuation, Thesis: cohesive tools

The two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just anatural extension of learning to speak alanguage. We learned to speak our first languageat home without systematic instruction; whereas,most of us had to be taught in school how towrite that same language. Many adult nativespeakers of a language find writing difficult. Aspeaker speaks to a listener who is right there,nodding or frowning, or interrupting orquestioning. (development of the main thought isbased on showing contrast)

The two processes, speaking and writing,are not identical. Writing is not simplyspeech written down on paper. Learning towrite is not just a natural extension oflearning to speak a language. We learned tospeak our first language at home withoutsystematic instruction; whereas, most of ushad to be taught in school how to write thatsame language. Many adult native speakersof a language find writing difficult. Aspeaker speaks to a listener who is rightthere, nodding or frowning, or interruptingor questioning. For the writer, the reader'sresponse is either delayed or nonexistent.

Cohesion use of color

If on the date of opening of bid, theaverage price of domestic product is notmore than 10 percent above the averageof types, which price should reflect theprice of premium quality products, and ifreasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity , the saidbid will be awarded for local productsthat do not exceed 10 percent more thanforeign equivalents and the proceduresset forth for awarding contracts will

apply.

Excessive details & structure (labyrinthic)may hurt cohesion A bid will be awarded for local products if the average price of domestic product

is not more than 10 percent above theaverage price of other representativetypes

if the price reflects the price of premiumquality products

if reasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity

if they do not exceed 10 percent morethan foreign equivalents

if the procedures set forth for awarding

contracts will apply.

Formatting improves cohesion & readability


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A bid will be awarded for local products 1. if the average price of domestic product

is not more than 10 percent above theaverage price of other representativetypes

2. if the price reflects the price of premiumquality products

3. if reasonable bid proposals have beenreceived for the whole quantity

4. if they do not exceed 10 percent morethan foreign equivalents

5. if the procedures set forth for awardingcontracts will apply.

Formatting improves cohesion & readabilityPunctuation marks serve cohesion• colon (what is after details what is before)• semicolon ( before & after are logically related )

• parenthesis, quotation marks (group parts )• formatting, parallelism (show levels )Errors disrupt relationship• fragments (incomplete meaning)• run on sentences ( no relationships)• dangling and squinting modifiers• errors of agreement (verb, number, persons)• relationships between tenses, …

First of all, the good paragraph has unity : focuseson a single idea or theme . Second, a good

paragraph has coherence : one sentence leads tothe next in some kind of logical sequence .

Finally, a good paragraph has adequate content :each sentence contains appropriate details to

support the main idea .

Parallelism, punctuation, ordinal adverbs aretools for cohesion

X Once made, you should execute the decision.(the first part is dangling)

Once made, the decision should be executed.

Errors hurt cohesion

Gas-driven cars burn gas that leaves theair relatively clean. Compared withgasoline, hydrocarbon gases are rich in

mainly hydrogen and carbon and containvery little impurities. The hydrogen in thegas combines with oxygen to form watervapor and carbon dioxide..

Article is a tool of cohesion when it refers

to something previously mentioned.

Repetition of a Key Term or PhraseThe problem with contemporary art is that it isnot easily understood by most people.Contemporary art is deliberately abstract, and

that means it leaves the viewer wondering whathe/she is looking at.SynonymsMyths narrate almost sacred histories andexplain sacred origins. These traditional narratives are, in short, a set of beliefs that are

a very real force in the lives of the people who

tell them.

PronounsThis, that, these, those, … he/she, it, they arerefer back to something previously mentioned.Be sure; what you are referring to is clear.

When scientific experiments do not work outas expected, they are often considered

failures until some other scientist tries themagain. Those that work out better the secondtime around are the ones that promise the

most rewards.


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Transitional Words improve cohesionI like autumn, and yet autumn is a sadtime of the year. The leaves turn bright

shades of red and the weather is mild,but I cannot help thinking ahead to thespring and the nice weather we have inthis time of the year. In addition , that isthe season of not too many layers ofclothes to put on, and (season of ) dayswhen I will not have to heat part of thehouse to stay in working.

•A practical multipurpose compact

distillation tower effluent gascontinuous analysis solid state unit.Where is the problem?•A practical multipurpose compactdistillation tower [having, with] aneffluent gas continuous analysis solidstate unit.

Relationships between words in acompound noun

5. the first law ofthermodynamics

4. Bingham fluid,Newton’s law

3. floppy disc, soft

line, hard disk

2. horizontal bar,vertical tower, topdrive

1. four-arm-caliper,4-wheel drive car

Compound nouns

c. order

e. Consistency

d. Name ofcreator

b. Construction

a. Position

Relationship

?4. large-diameter pipe,

six-inch line-pipe5. disk brakes, goose-

neck connection

3. air brakes, air hoist,hydraulic pump

2. carbon steel brakes,high carbon steel

1. emergency brakes,safety valve

Compound nouns

b. Shape

e. Mode ofoperation

d. Purpose

c. Composition

a. Size

Relationship

?

Exercises on Cohesion

First of all, the good paragraph has unity:focuses on a single idea or theme. Second,a good paragraph has coherence: onesentence leads to the next in some kind oflogical sequence. Finally, a goodparagraph has adequate content: eachsentence contains appropriate details tosupport the main idea.

Define the tools of cohesion used in thefollowing text


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First of all, the good paragraph has unity:

focuses on a single idea or theme.Second, a good paragraph has coherence:one sentence leads to the next in some kindof logical sequence.

Finally, a good paragraph has adequatecontent: each sentence containsappropriate details to support the mainidea.

Define the tools of cohesion used in thefollowing text

The chief engineer had, in spite of his notwilling to share with us this meeting, pride ofthe department's performance.

The new hardware is the one to, whetherexpensive or not, use in design.

The almost production dropped 10%. Those who watch television rarely read much. Jogging often relaxes.

Once in place, leave the place.

Define the errors that hurt cohesion. Correct.

I enjoy working work in this company we

hardly work hard.

Show tools and errors of cohesion in this text

The two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just anatural extension of learning to speak alanguage. We learned to speak our first languageat home without systematic instruction; whereas,most of us had to be taught in school how to

write that same language. Many adult nativespeakers of a language find writing difficult. Aspeaker speaks to a listener who is right there,nodding or frowning, or interrupting orquestioning.

If on the date of opening of bid, theaverage price of domestic product is notmore than 10 percent above the averageof types, which price should reflect theprice of premium quality products, and ifreasonable bid proposals have been

received for the whole quantity , the saidbid will be awarded for local productsthat do not exceed 10 percent more thanforeign equivalents and the proceduresset forth for awarding contracts willapply.

Propose ways to improve readability of thistext

Punctuation marks serve cohesion• Colon (what is after details what is before)• Semicolon ( before & after are logically related )• parenthesis, quotation marks (group parts )• formatting, parallelism (show levels )Errors disrupt relationship• Fragments (incomplete meaning)• run on sentences ( no relationships)• dangling and squinting modifiers• errors of agreement (verb, number, persons)

• relationships between tenses, …

Give examples of the following Comment on cohesion in this paragraph.Unlike readers of the academic world, mostreaders of the “real world” read selectively:rather than thoroughly digesting a piece ofwriting, they skim-read most of it, skipping fromone main idea to another until they come tosomething that particularly interests them.Such readers are forced to read this way. Firstof all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses ona single idea or theme . Second, a goodparagraph has coherence: one sentence leadsto the next in some kind of logical sequence .Finally, a good paragraph has adequate content :each sentence contains appropriate details tosupport the main idea .


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Gas-driven cars burn gas that leavesthe air relatively clean. Comparedwith gasoline, hydrocarbon gases arerich in mainly hydrogen and carbonand contain very little impurities. Thehydrogen in the gas combines withoxygen to form water vapor andcarbon dioxide..

Show tools of cohesion used in this text. Your comments on this slide

1. Teamworking and Group Skills2. Environment Protection

3. General Social skills

Generally Knowledge

Psychological

Networking.

• The problem with contemporary art is that it isnot easily understood by most people.Contemporary art is deliberately abstract, andthat means it leaves the viewer wondering whathe/she is looking at.

• Myths narrate almost sacred histories andexplain sacred origins. These traditionalnarratives are, in short, a set of beliefs that are avery real force in the lives of the people who tellthem.

• When scientific experiments do not work out asexpected, they are often considered failuresuntil some other scientist tries them again.Those that work out better the second timearound are the ones that promise the mostrewards.

I like autumn, and yet autumn is a sad

time of the year. The leaves turn bright

shades of red and the weather is mild,

but I cannot help thinking ahead to the

spring and the nice weather we have in

this time of the year. In addition, that isthe season of not too many layers of

clothes to put on, and days when I will

not have to heat part of the house.

A practical multipurpose compactdistillation tower effluent gascontinuous analysis solid state unit.Where is the problem?

Lunch time opening meeting programactivities forecast

9. Opening paragraph

8. Mach number

6. Company unit

7. Computer company

5. Avogadro’s Number

10. Cairo University

4. pH meter

3. Linear Algebra

2. A deviated gas well

1. A 7-passenger carCompound noun Relationship

?


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End of Exercises onCohesion

3. Emphasis

Special attention given to particularwords or part(s) of speech.

Ideas vary in importance; therefore,expressing them should vary inemphasis.

3) Emphasis: Summing up

The writer can gain or vary emphasis by

placing important parts at the position ofnatural stress

repeating important partsarranging ideas in order of climaxusing intensifiers, subordination, …abruptly changing sentence lengthputting parts out of customary orderOther: passive/active, questioningVisual elements, punctuation,

italicization, …Use of em hatic mood … etc.

Timeliness is considered apriority by all managers.

Typewriters were invented byChristopher Choles.

Typewriters were invented around1860.

Christopher Choles inventedtypewriters.

Typewriters were invented byChristopher Choles.

Typewriters were inventedaround 1860.

The increasing price of oil may causea shift to other sources of energy.

Worldwide, coal should last for atleast 300 years.

Oil, on the other hand, will be virtuallydepleted within the next 60 years.

A method with old foundations, rocksplitting by humidifying wood, is stillused these days.

True, we have long meetings withoutresults.


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At the present time, consumers arenot interested in solar heatersbecause they are still expensivedespite the wide publicity we havemade for this article.

At the present time, solar heaters donot interest customers because theyare still expensive despite the widepublicity we have made for thisarticle.

3) Emphasis: Summing up

The writer can gain or vary emphasis by

placing important parts at the position of

natural stressrepeating important partsarranging ideas in order of climaxusing intensifiers, subordination, …abruptly changing sentence lengthputting parts out of customary orderOther: passive/active, questioningVisual elements, punctuation,

italicization, …Use of em hatic mood … etc.

Beginning phrases usually do not affect

emphasis: the main clauses are always

emphasized.

The expanding gases drive the turbine,and the same gases are used to heatintake air of the air supply system.

Whether the engineer is engaged in civil,

mechanical or other professions, he isconfronted with data and figures.

Basic to all progress are integrity, faithand hard work.

Egypt does have considerable -- butbadly managed -- human resources.

Unlike readers of the academicworld, most readers of the “realworld” read selectively : rather thandigesting a piece of writing, theyskim-read most of it, skipping from

one main idea to another until theycome to something that particularlyinterests them. Such readers areforced to read this way.

Put words to emphasize near thebeginnings and endingsNever bury elements in subordinate

clauses.• No one can deny that the

computer has had a great effectupon the business world.

• Computer effect upon thebusiness world has been great.

• Undeniably, computer effect uponthe business world has been

great.

3) Emphasis: Summing upThe writer can gain or vary emphasis by



italicization, …

Use of em hatic mood … etc.


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Example: Emphasis, cohesion of texts

The two processes, speaking and writing, arenot identical. Writing is not simply speechwritten down on paper. Learning to write is notjust a natural extension of learning to speak alanguage. We learned to speak our first languageat home without systematic instruction; whereas,most of us had to be taught in school how to writethat same language. Many adult native speakersof a language find writing difficult. A speakerspeaks to a listener who is right there, nodding orfrowning, or interrupting or questioning. For thewriter, the reader's response is either delayed ornonexistent.

Example: Emphasis, cohesion of textsThe two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just a

natural extension of learning to speak a language.We learned to speak our first language at homewithout systematic instruction; whereas, most ofus had to be taught in school how to write thatsame language. Many adult native speakers of alanguage find writing difficult. A speaker speaksto a listener who is right there, nodding orfrowning, or interrupting or questioning. For thewriter, the reader's response is either delayed ornonexistent.

Social Skills

1. Teamwork and Group Skills

2. Environment Protection

3. General Social Skills

4. General Knowledge

5. Psychology

6. Networking.

Use of color (enhancement) 3. Emphasis ( continued )Visual Devices for Achieving Emphasis

Changes of• font face and size, boldface,• all-capitals

But they create the impression of a

writer relying on flashy effects

instead of clear writing.

Use of BoldfaceIn commercials to portray things far fromrealistic.•The following topics will be covered:•topic 1: brief description of topic 1•topic 2: brief description of topic 2•topic 3: brief description of topic 3

Use of ALL-CAPITAL letters foremphasis may not be effective.

Dash or colon is more emphatic thancomma.

1. The employees were surprised by the decision,which was not to change company policy.

2. The employees were surprised by thedecision -- no change in company policy.

3. The employees were surprised by thedecision: no change in company policy.

But express emphasis primarily through

words. Use punctuation as a help.

Punctuation Marks for Achieving Emphasis


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Choice and Arrangement of Words forAchieving Emphasis

• Use of some words and phrases:especially , particularly , crucially , most,

importantly , ….• Emphasis by repetition of key words:• See your good times: pictures in elegant

finish, instant pictures, and pictures inbeautiful enlargements will stay for ever.

• Establishing a pattern; repeat it; thenbreak it. The varied part is emphasized

• We are the first in reliability, first inservice, but in customer complaints -- thelast.

Departing from a basic structural:Invert standard S-V-O pattern• You make $ 50 in one hour-work.• Fifty dollars you can make in one hour.

Put words to emphasizeNear the beginnings and endingsNever bury elements in subordinate clauses.• No one can deny that the computer has

had a great effect upon the businessworld.

• Computer effect upon the business worldhas been great.

• Undeniably, computer effect upon thebusiness world has been great.

Arrangement of Clauses for AchievingEmphasis

Purpose: say candidates are good.• I believe both applicants are superb

even though it is hard to find goodpersons nowadays.

• Even though it is hard to find goodpersons nowadays, I believeapplicants are superb.

Sudden change of sentence length

• For a long time some corporations

used other countries merely as a

cheap source of raw materials, as a

place to dump outdated equipment

and overstocked merchandise, and asa training ground for junior

executives. But those days have

ended.

• The increased number of joggers,the booming sales of exercisebicycles and other physical trainingdevices, the record number ofentrants in marathon races -- allclearly indicate the growing beliefthat strenuous, prolonged exercise

is good for their health. But is it real?

Use a question after a series ofstatements

3) Emphasis: Summing upThe writer can gain or vary emphasis by



italicization, …

Use of em hatic mood … etc.


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What is the problem of thisslide?

1. Teamwork and Group Skills2. Environment Protection

3. General Social Skills

4. General Knowledge

5. Psychology

6. Networking.

4) VARIETY

Introduce variety in texts. Avoid short repetitivestructures, unless necessary.Electricity is useful. Electricity is practical. Electricity is

economic. Electricity is environmentally friendly.Electricity is important. Electricity is generated in largepower stations

Electricity has become important becauseof being useful, practical, economic, andenvironmentally friendly. For economy ofscale, It is now generated in large powerstations using coal, oil, gas or nuclearpower.

Vary sentence pattern

S-Vi: … is writing

S-Vi-C: … is writing well

S-Vt-O … is writing a letter

S-Vt-O-C: We consider him clever

S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi: … wrote a letterto the office.

S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi-COi … wrote aletter to the office in Cairo.

S-Vt-Oi-C-Od-C: We wrote him a letterbefore Tuesday

1. Vary sentence pattern

S-Vi or S-Vi-C. S-Vt-O or S-Vt-O-C

S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi-COi

S-Vt-Oi-C-Od-C

2. Use leading phrase or clause.

3. Use one or more of the following:

Negation, Question, Passive Voice

Monosyllabic: perform do. Direct indirect

4. Vary repetitions: full/short forms.

5. Vary length: 8 to 28 words/sentence.

6. Combine Clauses: coordinate/subordinate.

7. Vary sentences type: > 40% simple, < 40%complex, < 20% compound.

V A R I E T Y

VARIETY

Use sentence connective: In addition

Use coordinate conjunction: and, or,

Use conjunctive adverb, however,

Use transitional expression: Price, we have seen, is one aspect of marketing;quality is another, but importantfactor.

The increasing price of oil may causea shift to other sources of energy.

Worldwide, coal should last for atleast 300 years.

Oil, on the other hand, will be virtuallydepleted within the next 60 years.

A method with old foundations, rocksplitting by humidifying wood, is stillused these days.

“We have long meetings withoutresults” is true.


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Variety: Negative Example

We first choose the style ofbrainstorming. We must notcriticize them. We always ask forclarity. We must write results onboard. We first look for quantity notquality. We group related thoughts.We rank thought in terms ofpriorities.

Variety: Positive Example

First choose the style of brainstorming. Do

not allow audience to discuss ideas nor to

criticize speakers. An exception, ask for

clarity. Show results of brainstorming to all:

write them on board. Essentially,

brainstorming targets quantity not quality.

After brainstorming, group related

thoughts, exclude repetitions, and rank

them in terms of priorities.

Most readers of the “real world” readselectively: they skim-read most oftexts, skipping from one main idea toanother until they come to something

that particularly interests them. Suchreaders are forced to read this way.

Show tools of variety used in thefollowing text.

Examples

A great place to work in is the one whereemployees trust the people they work for,have pride in what they do, and enjoy thepeople they work with. Companies withgood workplace tend to be betterperformers in financial terms. The heart ofthe workplace is in the quality of relation-

ships in it: employees trust the people theywork for. If a business needs to bechanged, the trust within the workplace willbe the currency with which that change willbe paid.

Unlike readers of the academic world,most readers of the “real world” readselectively: rather than digesting apiece of writing, they skim-read mostof it, skipping from one main idea toanother until they come to somethingthat particularly interests them. Suchreaders are forced to read this way.

Show tools of variety used in thefollowing text.

Example: Emphasis, cohesion of textsThe two processes, speaking and writing, are notidentical. Writing is not simply speech writtendown on paper. Learning to write is not just anatural extension of learning to speak a language.We learned to speak our first language at homewithout systematic instruction; whereas, most ofus had to be taught in school how to write thatsame language. Many adult native speakers of alanguage find writing difficult. A speaker speaksto a listener who is right there, nodding orfrowning, or interrupting or questioning. For thewriter, the reader's response is either delayed ornonexistent.


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5- Word propriety

Levels of Formality

In-Group Jargon – specialized language used by groups

of like-minded individuals.

– Never use jargon for a generalaudience without first explaining it.

Slang and idiomatic expressions

– Avoid!

The Paramedic Method Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto,

into) Draw a box around the "is" verb forms

Ask, "Where's the action?" Change the "action" into a simple verb Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking

whom)

Word propriety

Deceitful language and Euphemisms

– words that veil the truth

– collateral damage: the “unintended” destruction of civiliansand their property

– sunshine units: a term for a power plant that is leakingradiation into the surrounding areas

– persons with disabilities, differently-abled persons

Biased languageRacial, ethnic, group, or gender bias

man's achievements human achievements

nine man-hours nine staff-hours

fireman firefighter

male nurse nurse

Black African American

Additional Examples

A great place to work in is the one whereemployees trust the people they work for,have pride in what they do, and enjoy thepeople they work with. Companies withgood workplace tend to be betterperformers in financial terms. The heart ofthe workplace is in the quality of relation-

ships in it: employees trust the people theywork for. If a business needs to bechanged, the trust within the workplace willbe the currency with which that change willbe paid.

You will almost always have to use additionalinformation, specific to your particular problem, to

answer such basic questions as, "Do I expect a

unique solution?" and "Approximately where?".

Once, however, you identify the neighborhood of the

root, or of a place where there might be a root, then

the problem firms up considerably: It is time to turn

to Newton-Raphson , which readily generalizes to

multiple dimensions.

This method gives you a very efficient means ofconverging to the root, if it exists, or of spectacularly

failing to converge, indicating (though not proving)

that your root does not exist nearby.

6. Conciseness


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6. Conciseness

Eliminate words that explain theobvious

– Imagine a mental picture of someone

– Imagine someone

Eliminate unnecessary determiners andmodifiers –very unique

–unique

Combine sentences whereappropriate

D a n g

e r o u

s

V e r y

d a n

g e r o u s

alsoIn addition to the above

awareFully cognizant of

ifIn the event that

pleaseFeel free to

nowAt this point in timeallowAfford an opportunity

6- Conciseness

Replace several vague words with morepowerful and specific words.

All supervisors are herewithinstructed to return theperformance appraisal formsfor all their employees to thedesignated HR officer.

Please return the performanceappraisal forms to the HRdepartment.

Conciseness

Change phrases into single-words andadjectives

–As you carefully read what you have written toimprove your wording and catch small errors ofspelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing todo before you do anything else is to try to see

where a series of words expressing actioncould replace the ideas found in nouns ratherthan verbs. (53 words)

– Concise: As you edit, first find nominalizationsthat you can replace with verb phrases.

Methods of Eliminating Wordiness1. Eliminate unnecessary modifiers2. Change phrases into single words3. Change that , who …clauses to phrases4. Avoid overusing expletives5. Use active rather than passive verbs6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs7. Reword infinitive phrases8. Replace circumlocutions with direct

expressions9. Omit words that explain obvious things10. Omit repetitive wording

Methods of Eliminating Wordiness1. Eliminate unnecessary and modifiers

Wordy• Any particular type of dessert is fine

with me.• Balancing the budget by Friday is an

impossibility without some kind of extrahelp.

More Concise• Any dessert is fine with me.• Balancing the budget by Friday is

impossible without extra help.


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1. Eliminate unnecessary and modifierssome words/phrases, often be eliminated tomake sentences clearer

reallyindividualparticularbasically

definitelyfor all intents andpurposes

specificgenerally

type ofactually

Wordy

For all intents and purposes, industrial

productivity generally depends on

certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given

technological aspect.More Concise

Industrial productivity depends more on

psychological than on technological

factors.

2. Change phrases into single wordswhen possible.

Wordy

• The employee with ambition ...

• The department showing the best

performance ...

More Concise

• The ambitious employee...

• The best-performing department...

2. Change phrases into single words when possible.

• Mr. xyz, our chief of consulting ,suggested at our last board meeting theinstallation of microfilm equipment in thedepartment of data processing .

• our chief consultant suggested the

installation of microfilm equipment in thedepartment of data processing .• The chief consultant suggested that the

company install microfilm equipment inthe data processing department.

2. Put actions into verbs

The measurement of the tube wasconducted using a special probe.

We used a special probe to measurethe diameter of the pipe.

3. Change unnecessary “that , who ,and which” clauses into phrases

The report, which was released recently ...The report released recentlyWe recently released report...All applicants who are interested in the jobmust...All job applicants must...The system that is most efficient andaccurate ...The most efficient and accurate system...


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4. Avoid overusing expletives at thebeginning of sentences

Expletivesit + be –verborthere + be -verb."It is imperative that we find asolution.”Same meaning "We must find asolution."

4. Avoid overusing expletives• It is the manager who signs the bills.

emphasis

• The manager signs the bills.• There are four rules that should beobserved: ...

• Four rules should be observed:...• Observe four rules• There was a big explosion, which shook

the windows, and people ran into thestreet.

• A big explosion shook the windows, andpeople ran into the street.

5. Use active rather than passive verbsWordy

• An account was opened by Mrs. Xxx.• Your figures were checked by the

research department.More Concise

• Mrs. Xxx opened an account.• The research department checked your

figures.

6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbsUse verbs than noun forms

(nominalizations) Wordy

• The function of this department is thecollection of accounts.

• The current focus of the medical

profession is disease prevention.More Concise• This department collects accounts.• The medical profession currently focuses

on disease prevention.

7. Reword infinitive phrases• Convert some infinitive into verbs• Change a be -verb with an action verb.1. The duty of a clerk is to check all

incoming mail and to record it.2. A shortage of tellers at our branch office

on Friday and Saturday during rushhours has caused customers to becomedissatisfied with service.

• A clerk checks and records all incomingmail.

• A teller shortage at our branch office onFriday and Saturday during rush hourshas caused customer dissatisfaction.

8. Replace circumlocutions with directexpressions

Circumlocutions: saying short meaningsin long words

•At this/that point in time...•Now/then...• In accordance with your request...•As you requested...• It is possible that nothing will come ofthese preparations.


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8. Replace circumlocutions with direct

expressions

1. Nothing may come of these

preparations.2. You have the ability to influence the

outcome.

3. You can influence the outcome

• It is necessary that we take a stand on

this pressing issue.

• We must take a stand on this pressing

issue.

common circumlocutions:• the reason for• for the reason that

• owing/due to the fact that• in light of the fact that• considering the fact that• this is why because, since, why• on the occasion of• in a situation in which• under circumstances in which = when• as regards

• in reference to• with regard to• concerning the matter of• it is crucial that• it is necessary that• there is a need/necessity for• it is important that• cannot be avoided=must, should• is able to

• has the opportunity to• has the capacity for• has the ability to=can• it is possible that• there is a chance that• it could happen that

9. Omit words that explain the obvious orprovide excessive detail

Delete what is obvious to readers.1. I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,

we do have...2. Imagine a mental picture of someone

engaged in trying to learn the rules for

how to play the game of chess.• Yes you asked for xxx, we do have...• Imagine someone trying to learn the

rules of chess.

9. Omit words that explain the obvious orprovide excessive detail

Delete what is obvious to readers.1.It goes without saying that we are

acquainted with your policy on filing taxreturns, and we have every intention ofcomplying with the regulations that youhave mentioned.

• We intend to comply with the tax-returnregulations that you have mentioned.

9. Omit words that explain the obvious or

provide excessive detail

Delete what is obvious to readers.

1.Imagine a mental picture of someone

engaged in the intellectual activity of

trying to learn what the rules are for how

to play the game of chess.

• Imagine someone trying to learn the rules

of chess.


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10. Omit repetitive wordingDo not repeat words with same meaning.

• I would appreciate it if you would bring tothe attention of your officers our dislike oflong sentences in messages to the fieldand in other items drafted for signature, aswell as in all correspondence, reports, andstudies

• Please encourage your officers to keepsentences and paragraphs in letters,reports, and studies short.

10. Omit repetitive wording1.Before the travel agent was completely

able to finish explaining the various

differences among all of the many veryunique vacation packages his travelagency was offering, the customerchanged her future plans.

• Before the travel agent finished explainingthe differences among the uniquevacation packages his travel agency wasoffering, the customer changed her plans.

1.During that time period, many carbuyers preferred cars that were pink incolor and shiny in appearance.

2.The microscope revealed a group oforganisms that were round in shape andpeculiar in nature.

• During that period, many car buyerspreferred pink, shiny cars.

• The microscope revealed a group ofpeculiar, round organisms.

true factsof a red color

important essentialsheavy in weight

future plansperiod in timeterrible tragedyround in shape

end resultat an early time

final outcomeeconomics field

basic fundamentalsoften times

each individuallarge in size

various differencesPeriod of time

past memoriesvery unique

final outcomeeconomics fieldfree giftof cheap quality

past historyhonest incharacter

expected surpriseuncertain chance

sudden crisisin a confused state

of a strange typeunusual in nature

extreme in degree alsoIn addition to the above

awareFully cognizant of

ifIn the event that

pleaseFeel free to

nowAt this point in time

allowAfford an opportunity

Conciseness


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Negative ExampleOur deluxe models have chromium,rubber-insulated fixtures for durability,economy, and easy maintenance, andconvenient controls to cut down oninstallation costs and necessaryadjustments. They operate on AC or DCcurrent and incorporate the latestprinciples of electronic controls whichmeans flexibility in their use, betteradjustment of the thermal units, lesschance of error, and reduced labor costsper unit of production.

WORDY/CONCISE Example

• It is the responsibility of our ProductionDepartment to see that it meets therequirements of our Sales Division. (19)

• Our Production Department must meet ourSales Division's requirements. (9)

• The collision had the effect of adestructive force on the duplicator. (12)

• The collision destroyed the duplicator. (5)

• We have enclosed a pamphlet whichshows further details of construction onpage four. (14)

• Page four of the enclosed pamphlet

shows further construction details. (10)

• We must sell our surplus stock. (6)• This manual of instructions was

prepared to aid our dealers in beinghelpful to their customers. (16)

• We prepared this instruction manual to

help our dealers serve their customers.(12)

• Three days ago you asked us toinvestigate the problem of discomfortamong your office workers. We have madeour study. Too low humidity is apparentlythe main cause of your problem. Yourbuilding is steam-heated. (39)

• Too low humidity is apparently the causeof your workers' discomfort. Since yourbuilding is steam-heated, your solution isto . . .(21)

Negative ExampleOur deluxe models have chromium,rubber-insulated fixtures for durability,economy, and easy maintenance, andconvenient controls to cut down oninstallation costs and necessaryadjustments. They operate on AC or DCcurrent and incorporate the latestprinciples of electronic controls whichmeans flexibility in their use, betteradjustment of the thermal units, lesschance of error, and reduced labor costs

per unit of production.


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Exercises on Conciseness

Exercise: WORDY CONCISE• It is the responsibility of our Production

Department to see that it meets therequirements of our Sales Division. (19)

• The collision had the effect of a destructiveforce on the duplicator. (12)

• We have enclosed a pamphlet which showsfurther details of construction on page four.(14)

• This manual of instructions was prepared to aidour dealers in being helpful to their customers.(16)

• Sale of surplus stock is one of our primaryneeds. (10)

ConciseWordy

Feel free to

At this point in timeAfford an opportunity

In addition to the above

Fully cognizant of

In the event that

true facts

important essentials

future plansterrible tragedy

end result

final outcome

basic fundamentals

each individual

various differences

past memories

of a red color

heavy in weight

period in time

round in shape

at an early time

economics field

often times

large in size

Period of timevery unique

ConciseWordy

free gift

past history

expected surprise

sudden crisis

of a strange type


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•has the capacity for

•has the ability to•it is possible that

•there is a chance that

•it could happen that

•in reference to

•with regard to

•concerning the matter of

ConciseWordy

•it is crucial that

•it is necessary that

•there is a need/necessity for

•it is important that

•cannot be avoided

•is able to

•has the opportunity to

•concerning the matter of

•with regard to

•in reference to

ConciseWordy





• Any particular type of dessert is finewith me.

• Balancing the budget by Friday is animpossibility without some kind of extrahelp.

• For all intents and purposes, industrial

productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more

psychological in kind than of any given

technological aspect.

• Mr. xyz, our chief of consulting ,suggested at our last board meeting theinstallation of microfilm equipment in thedepartment of data processing .

• our chief consultant suggested theinstallation of microfilm equipment in the

department of data processing .

• The employee with ambition ...

• The department showing the best

performance ... The report, which was released recently ...

All applicants who are interested in the jobmust...

The system that is most efficient andaccurate ...

The measurement of the tube wasconducted using a special probe.


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• It is the manager who signs the bills.emphasis

• There are four rules that should be observed:...

• There was a big explosion, which shook thewindows, and people ran into the street.

• An account was opened by Mrs. Xxx.

• Your figures were checked by the research

department.

• The function of this department is the collection of accounts.

• The current focus of the medical profession isdisease prevention.

1. The duty of a clerk is to check allincoming mail and to record it.

2. A shortage of tellers at our branch officeon Friday and Saturday during rushhours has caused customers to becomedissatisfied with service.

•At this/that point in time...• In accordance with your request...• It is possible that nothing will come of

these preparations.

• You have the ability to influence theoutcome.

• It is necessary that we take a stand onthis pressing issue.

1. I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,we do have...

2. Imagine a mental picture of someoneengaged in trying to learn the rules forhow to play the game of chess.

• It goes without saying that we areacquainted with your policy on filing taxreturns, and we have every intention ofcomplying with the regulations that youhave mentioned.

• I would appreciate it if you would bring to

the attention of your officers the our dislikeof long sentences in messages to the fieldand in other items drafted for signature, aswell as in all correspondence, reports, andstudies

• Imagine a mental picture of someone

engaged in the intellectual activity of

trying to learn what the rules are for how

to play the game of chess.

• During that time period, many car buyerspreferred cars that were pink in color andshiny in appearance.

• The microscope revealed a group oforganisms that were round in shape and

peculiar in nature.

• Before the travel agent was completelyable to finish explaining the variousdifferences among all of the many veryunique vacation packages his travelagency was offering, the customerchanged her future plans.

م ج:ل ،أ س ء ل ،ن

،ل ر ف و ن أ ، هأو و ،ل رأ و ش

و ة . و ه ه . ع ن ،أ ت إو

. ت أ د و ن أ) (،

و ر ه .إ أ ن ذن؟ ن


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رز: ل أ و ،و فو ،و ب و ،خ و مو ،و رو ،و

، ب و ،ن ب و ،رو و ،خ أ

رع و ر س و ،س و و .:إ و د . ت أ .و م إ ن و أ

:ن ل ،م ه أ و :م رأ د ت . :ر ن أ ،إ ه

ه و ، أ و أ ه أة أ و س و س ،أ و

و و . و أ ،ً و و ن إو ،.. ..

، ح . و ح و ق و و ه و

ظول وه ح ن و أهآ ، و ف و ن

ر و ر ث ع ور و وآ و ح آه ث

ح

و

وم د

رو .ع

5 Introduction to Effective Sentences

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Transcript of 5 Introduction to Effective Sentences