PresentingThe Holly-Dazed Singers

We have prepared some special PlantAmnesty holiday songs for you.

You will likely recognize the tunes, but the lyrics may be new.

We will project the words. For songs with choruses, please join in if you like.

Gol Durn You Pesky Fireweed(God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen)

Gol durn you pesky FireweedOf you I do despair.No matter what I do to youYou’re always in my hair.I pull you out from over hereAnd next you’re over there!O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloomMis’ry and gloomO-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom

Oh God our Heavenly FatherPlease listen to my plea.Eradicate all horse tailOf it please set me free.It leads all weeds upon this earthIn sheer tenacity!O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloomMis’ry and gloomO-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom.

Fear knotweed putting down its rootsIn gardens o’er the land.Against it we as gardenersUnited take a stand.But holy cow it’s hard to digEach nasty root by hand!O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloomMis’ry and gloomO-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom.

I gave up using chemicalsWhen Ciscoe told me so.I bought a hori-hori knifeTo go with my new hoe.But weeds they seem to laugh at meAs merrily they grow!O-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloomMis’ry and gloomO-oh feelings of mis'ry and gloom.

6

We Three Cuts (We Three Kings)

We three cuts all gard’ners should knowWhen it is a-pruning we goLearn them well so plants can tellIf we are friend or foe.

ChorusO-oh removal cuts, the choice of three.Reduction cuts: use sparingly.Then there’s heading, causing dreading—Must be used quite carefully.

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If you want to take off a limbFrom the place from where it beginsThe removal gets approvalMaking trees light and thing.

If you think a tree is too tall,There’s not much you can do at all.A reduction may be an optionUnder strict protocol.

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ChorusO-oh removal cuts, the choice of three.Reduction cuts: use sparingly.Then there’s heading, causing dreading—Must be used quite carefully.

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Heading cuts: for judicious use.To cause sprouting or shape a moose.Fruit trees, hedges and some sedges,Use but avoid abuse.

ChorusO-oh removal cuts, the choice of three.Reduction cuts: use sparingly.Then there’s heading, causing dreading—Must be used quite carefully.

10

When Rain Falls(Deck the Halls)

Dark, wet clouds are moving inlandPull the covers up and stay in bed.I’d much rather stay at home than

Prune my client’s trees as I had said.

Don we now our rain apparel,Heading out for a day in the rain.Hypothermia is a peril.Wet Seattle winters are a pain!

11

Fast away the sun is sinking,Steady wind and rain are pelting me.What in God’s name was I thinkingWhen I left my house to climb this tree?

It’s too late to change careers now,And besides I look good in climbing gear!Still today I make this new vow:I’ll be on a beach this time next year!A warm and sunny beach this time next year!

The Holly and the Ivy(The Holly and the Ivy)

Oh the holly and the ivyWhen they are both full grown,Of all the plants that are in the woodThese invasives bring a frown.

ChorusWith their rising from the ground,And emergence of their shoots,You should run and grab your hori-hori knifeAnd make war upon their roots.

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Oh the holly bears white blossoms.It’s fruit is very red.To the other plants that are in the yardThe holly just spells DREAD.

ChorusWith their rising from the groundAnd emergence of their shoots,You should run and grab your hori-hori knifeAnd make war upon their roots.

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Oh the holly and the ivy‘Tho the bard has sung their praise,We see them in a very different lightFor the havoc that they raise.

Oh the holly and the ivyPlant them only if you must.But be sure to keep a watchful eye on themThey’re invasives you can’t trust!

15

Members of Plant Amnesty(Jolly Old Saint Nicholas)

Members of PlantAmnestyKnow our mission well.We save trees and shrubberyFrom mal-pruning hell.Garden tours and bingo gamesMOLMs to learn a lot,Classes, workshops, Arbor Days—All these things we’ve got!

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If you call Plant AmnestyWhen your trees need help,We’ll send you names of arborists—Trust us more than Yelp.

Gardeners are on our list,We refer them too.Adopt-a-Plant’s another thingThat we do for you.

 

17

Our goal at PlantAmnestyIs to teach respect,And promote awareness ofThe plants that we protect.

These are things we do for love,But you need to knowThat we cannot do these thingsIf you don’t give us dough.

18

When the call goes out from usHope you’re on our side.Open up your pocket books,Open deep and wide.

Pull out bills and credit cards,We like check books too.If you were to give to usWe’d say “THANKS” to you!

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That’s it for now!Stay tuned for more later.

Cotinus the Purple Smoke Bush(Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)

Cotinus the Purple Smoke BushDidn’t like the way he looked.He thought his darkened foliageSeemed as if it had been cooked.

His puffs of lacy flowersWere to him a source of shame.Next to a bold hydrangea,He considered his blooms lame.

 

22

Then one day a Golden FormAppeared on the neighbor’s berm.When she told him he looked nice,His self-image took a turn.

Slowly he grew to love her,And her feelings grew as well.Now they’re a happy couple,And together they look swell!Bringing color to the dell.It’s a story sweet to tell.

23

Rhodie, Rhodie, Rhodie (Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel)

I had a little rhodieI bought it in a pot.When it got to three feet,

Stop growing it did not!

Planted by the window,And now I’ve lost my view.I’ll thin out all the deadwoodAnd crossing branches too.

 

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ChorusRhodie, rhodie, rhodieYou started as a sprig.But now my little rhodieHas gotten way too big!

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I’m starting to get worriedIt’s almost ten feet tall!I’ll prune the lower branchesAnd arborize it all.

And now it’s two years laterI might just lose my mind.It’s over in the neighbor’s yardAnd in the power lines! 

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ChorusRhodie, rhodie, rhodieYou started as a sprig.But now my little rhodieHas gotten way too big!

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Things are getting desperate,My husband’s getting raw.He says it’s him or rhodie,And starts up the chainsaw!

I close my eyes and listenAs branches fall and crack.Radical renovationHas kept our marriage intact. 

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Chorus Rhodie, rhodie, rhodieYou started as a sprig.But now my little rhodieHas gotten way too big!

29

Oh Holey Tarp(Oh Holy Night)

Oh holey tarp,We’ve worked so long togetherWe’ve been a team that is always on its

game.Come rain or shine, no matter what the

weatherWe’ve done good work and our clients

spread our fame.

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But over time you’ve grown so torn and tatteredYour rips and tears are clearly signs of age.

Oh, can’t you see,Your working days are numbered?Oh holey tarp!You can’t go on;Your time is up;The end is near.Oh tarp, oh holey tarp.

31

Oh holey tarp,I don’t know why I keep you.You can’t contain half the stuff I put inside.Picking you up, cold dirty water seeps through,Drips down my back ‘til my patience is fried!

32

Every day I vow that I’ll replace you,But still my heart can’t bear to let you go.

Fall on my knees,Duct tape to try to patch you,Oh holey tarp!It’s just no use, you’re too far gone--More holes than tarp.Oh tarp, oh tarp goodbye! 

33

Don’t Shear Your Shrubbery (Frosty the Snowman)

Don’t shear your shrubberyIt’s an awful thing to do.It’s not good for any plant,Except for just a few.

It makes them ugly,And it leaves a twiggy mess.Shearing is a naughty thing,A sin you should confess!

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Plant Amnesty would love it if You’d be a Shearing Cop.If you hear the power shears, Stand up and holler “STOP!” 

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Your plants will love youIf you treat them with some care.If you’d like to spruce them up,Just clip them here and there.

Thin from the middle,To let in air and light.Skirt them up just a little bitUntil they look just right. 

36

If you think you want to prune Another branch or two,Stop and think and ask yourself, “What would Cass Turnbull do?”

Don’t shear your shrubbery,Selective pruning is The Way.Your plants will look their very best, And will thank you every day!  

Dashing to the Aid(Jingle Bells))

Learning the ChorusDead, diseased, dangling-downDamaged and deranged

Dashing to the Aid(Jingle Bells))

Dashing to the aidOf a great big bush or tree,There are simple rulesTo store in memory.Keep them in your mindTo help you do things right.To put them in your memory bankRepeat this every night:

ChorusOh dead, diseased, dangling-down,Damaged and deranged—When it’s time to prune a tree,Such branches are fair game.Dead, diseased, dangling-down,Damaged and deranged—With your sharpened secateursOn these limbs take first aim.

Your weeping maple treeWith branches hanging downIs so thick and denseYour can’t see through its crown.You lie flat on your backAs pruners often do,And as you wonder where to startThis song comes back to you.

ChorusOh dead, diseased, dangling-down,Damaged and deranged—When it’s time to prune a tree,Such branches are fair game.Dead, diseased, dangling-down,Damaged and deranged—With your sharpened secateursOn these limbs take first aim.

42

Your Pieris is too bigIt’s way too wide and tall.You decide it’s bestTo arborize it all.You review your notesSo you don’t do things wrong.Then all at once the words come backTo this instructive song.

Chorus Oh dead, diseased, dangling-down,Damaged and deranged—When it’s time to prune a tree,Such branches are fair game.Dead, diseased, dangling-down,Damaged and deranged—With your sharpened secateursOn these limbs take first aim.

Acknowledging

Muse: Cass TurnbullDirector: Adam BurdickLyricists: Jack Bautsch, Keith Dekker, Annette Freeman, Kristin SchultzGuitarists: Bill McMeekin, Saul CandibT-shirts: Kate Allen, Rich EllisonElf hats: Emily Allsop, Susie CookTechnical Assistant: Kristin Schultz

The Holly-Dazed Singers

Adam Burdick, DirectorJack Bautsch Saul Candib Juliet ColeKeith Dekker Liz Dunlap Judy GrieselAndree Hurley

John Hushagen

Mary Machala

Bill McMeekin

Gena Mulligan

Penelope Nichols

Michelle Scannell

Mike Sharpe Diana Shirley

Gaylloyd Sisson

Ingela Wanerstrand

Thank you for comingHappy Holidays

from

PlantAmnestyand

The Holly-Dazed Singers