This is what happens when I can’t think of anything to write on my blog

Recently I’ve seen a lot of self-indulgent slide decks wittering on about:

“What I did in the last 10 years, blah, blah....”

You know the kind of stuff:

“10 years ago, I moved from Moose-Butt ...

to Bilgewater ...

and got a job in the slaughterhouse

Things were going great until I met ...

Mongo the

Pig Who Wouldn’t die!!

So I wanted to narrow the focus a bit and I came up with ...

Like, Who Cares???

In the last 10 minutes ...

I lost approximately one hair off my head

In the last 10 minutes ...

I swear I’m looking thinner!

I lost approximately 3.15 million skin cells:

In the last 10 minutes ...

I thought approximately 49, individual and distinct thoughts

In the last 10 minutes ...

... and only 0.013 of them was about sex

... but, now I’ve just thought about it again so, it’s 1.013, now

And now, it’s 2.013 Damnit! Let’s move on

I breathed out 15 times

but I only breathed in 14 times

let’s see how long I can keep that up?

In the last 10 minutes ...

Hmmm, not long

My heart beat about 600 times

In the last 10 minutes ...

(except when I was thinking about sex ... then it was a bit

quicker. And now that’s 3.013 times

and 800 heartbeats - aaaarrrggghh!!)

... and when I was thinking about boring things my heart pumped 50 litres of blood round my body

Which is weird as I only have

about 5 and a half litres

Where’s the rest come from?

I drank half a cup of coffee ...

In the last 10 minutes ...

... ate one doughnut ...

... generated 0.77 grams of poop ...

... and created this pointless deck of slides

and I’m still thinking about sex - Dammit!

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References Hair - http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060923175810AAj1SSA Skin - http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_skin_cells_do_you_lose_each_day Thoughts - http://www.loni.ucla.edu/About_Loni/education/brain_trivia.shtml Sex - http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/12/15/how-many-times-a-day-do-you-think-about-sex/ Breathe - http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080316230101AAg2iBx Heart - http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071118032433AAdpaX7 Blood - http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=21474 Poop - http://www.oasisdesign.net/wastewater/sewer/beach.htm