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Created By Self Help Alliance

October 2013

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Self Help Alliance Personal Responsibility Curriculum 2

Content

Name Page

Title Page 1

Disclaimer 2

Session One: Introduction to Personal Responsibility 4

Session Two: What is Personal Responsibility? 10

Session Three: The Steps of Accepting Personal Responsibility 14

Session Four: Personal Responsibility - What To Avoid 17

Session Five: Drama Triangle 23

Session Six: Having Personal Responsibility in hard Situations 27

Session Seven: Overview 32

Session Eight: Wrap Up 36

Works Cited 41


( r t o m s a x t o n , 2 0 1 1 )

Session One: Introduction To Personal Responsibility

Learning Goal and Outcome

Goal – For learners to understand what the purpose of this group is.Outcome – Learners will demonstrate an understanding of what the expected outcomes of this curriculum are.


Introduction To Personal Responsibility

What is this group about?

Many individuals struggle with the concept of personal responsibility and taking responsibility for their actions. This concept is hard for some to grasp and there are many questions to be answered. What is personal responsibility? How can I achieve this? Why do I want this in my life? This workbook has been created with the purpose of providing the learner with a greater understanding of what personal responsibility is, how to start using this concept in your life and why it would be beneficial to do so.

This workbook will expose you to the concept of personal responsibility and challenge your old thoughts and behaviours while trying to provide you with valuable information. This workbook will educate you on the concept of personal responsibility.

What will you be able to accomplish by the end of this workbook?

You will have a firm grasp of what personal responsibility is, how and when to use it and why this concept is so important in your life. You will be able to take responsibility for your actions and grow from the experiences you have had instead of staying in the same stagnant place. If you do not take responsibility for what you have done, how can you possibly learn from the situation to change and grow?

You will also have the opportunity to understand many concepts related to personal responsibility such as the drama triangle, releasing blame, how to avoid becoming the victim, when to not accept personal responsibility, and how to accept personal responsibility in difficult situations.

*Ice Breaker Exercises

If you are working in a group spend some time on the icebreakers below to get to know the others within the group. If you are working on this workbook on your own, skip this section.

Introduce Myself

Members introduce themselves and why they came to the group. There are variations to the exercise. For example, members can explain where they heard about the group, why they’re interested in this subject or some of their favourite things.

*It is important to relate this back to the concept of personal responsibility. For example, you can share that the members are taking the first step in personal responsibility in sharing why they came to group today. Or that they are starting to become personally responsible since they know there is an issue and are reaching out for help (Icebreakers and name games).

AND/OR


Play the interview game. Divide everyone into pairs. Ask them to take three minutes to interview each other. Each interviewer has to find 3 interesting facts about their partner. Bring everyone back to together and ask everyone to present the 3 facts about their partner to the rest of the group. Watch the time on this one, keep it moving along (Knox).

*Yet again relate this activity back to personal responsibility. For example, these individuals did or did not choose to have personal responsibility by keeping themselves on task or by speaking to their partner.

AND/OR

A game of your choice. What is personal responsibility?

This is where we want to hear from you and your thoughts around the subject of personal responsibility.

* Hand out survey below (copies should be made before group)

*Ask for volunteers to read their answers out loud and discuss with group. You may want to jot some answers down on the white board and point out common themes within the group. (collect this survey at the end in order to compare with survey handed out during last session to see if this group was successful)

Or if you are working through this workbook on your own, take some time to gain some insight into your self, by reflecting on the survey questions.

Preliminary Survey – What do you Think Personal Responsibility is?


1. What does personal responsibility mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________

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2. Do you struggle with having or using personal responsibility? Why or why not? Give examples.

______________________________________________________________________

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3. Do you see yourself as a responsible person? Why or why not?

______________________________________________________________________

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______________________________________________________________________

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4. Who do you see in your life as personally responsible and why?

______________________________________________________________________

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5. Do you think this group will be beneficial to you? Why or why not?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Are You a Responsible Person?


True False

I do what needs to be done.

I am reliable and dependable.

I am accountable for my actions; I don't make excuses or blame others.

I fulfill my moral obligations.

I use good judgment and think through the consequences of my actions.

I exercise self-control.

I think I am/am not a responsible person because:

_________________________________________________

Being responsible puts you in charge of your life.

Copyright Elkind+Sweet Communications / Live Wire Media.Reprinted by permission. Copied from www.GoodCharacter.com/ISOC/Responsibility.html.


http://www.GoodCharacter.com/

Session Two: What is Personal Responsibility?

Learning Goals and Outcomes

Goals – To understand what personal responsibility is. Outcomes – The learner will demonstrate an understanding of how one can become personally responsible.

- The learner will identify traits within oneself that will help them in becoming personally responsible.

What is Personal Responsibility?


An introduction to what personal responsibility is.

Personal responsibility is not a burden but a blessing. It is the freedom to create our own lives (Gallozzi). When we take responsibility we admit we are the ones that should be held accountable for the choices we make (Gallozzi). We are responsible for how we feel and think - not others (Gallozzi). It’s our life and we are in charge of it and free to enjoy it or hate it (Gallozzi). We may not be responsible for everything that happens to us but we are responsible for how we think, feel and act when they do happen (Gallozzi).

Take a moment to think: Do I take responsibility for myself and my thoughts, feelings and actions? Consider this example: the bus I was going to take was late; I am now going to

be late for my appointment. How would you take responsibility in this situation? I can control my anger and stay calm, I can stay positive and not get stuck in negative thinking, I am can try to contact the person I was having the appointment with to let them know I will be late etc.

Personal responsibility is an obligation to oneself and an individual right and duty (About-Personal-Growth.com). It is important to take responsibility for the things you have created in your life whether they are good things or bad things (About-Personal-Growth.com). This may sound scary but personal responsibility is empowering!

Here is a list of examples: I took personal responsibility over the work I had completed and it felt good. I took personal responsibility over my life and now I know I am the one in charge,

no one else etc.

Now create your own list of times/examples where you took personal responsibility:

Accepting Personal Responsibility

Accepting personal responsibility is not an easy thing to do at times but it is very necessary. This is when you admit you are responsible for the choices you make in your life and your thoughts and feelings (Lawson, 2011). It is choosing the direction you want to take in life and taking the steps necessary to get there (Lawson, 2011). Most importantly is not blaming others for the choice you have made (Lawson, 2011).

Take some time to brainstorm some other aspects of accepting personal responsibility: Tearing down the mask of defense or rationale for why others are responsible for

who you are, what has happened to you and what you are bound to become.


The rational belief that you are responsible for determining who you are and how your choices affect your life.

Pointing the finger of responsibility back to yourself and away from others when you are discussing the consequences of your actions.

Recognizing that you are your best cheerleader; it is not reasonable or healthy for you to depend on others to make you feel good about yourself.

Not feeling sorry for the "bum deal" you have been handed but taking hold of your life and giving it direction and reason.

Letting go of your sense of over responsibility for others (Lawson, 2011).

Behaviour Traits Needed to Develop Personal Responsibility

In order to develop personal responsibility there are some behaviour traits or skills needed. This is not to say that if you do not possess these traits that you will never become personally responsible but if you posses these or try to posses these skills then being personally responsible will come more naturally to you.

1. It is important to seek out and accept help for yourself. Journal here or discuss as a group what this means to you.

2. One must be open to new ideas or concepts about life. Journal here or discuss as a group what this means to you.

3. It is extremely important to affirm yourself positively.

Affirmations are something positive we already possess or something we wish to possess. They are not always easy to say but are very important to do. Some people say them aloud to another person or they say them to themselves in a mirror. If someone says them long enough they start to believe what they are saying. It is a good way to boost ones self-esteem. An example of an affirmation is: I, Mary, am a kind, compassionate person.

Make a list of affirmations for yourself.

4. Recognize that you choose your responses to the people, actions and events in your life.

5. Recognize that you are the sole determinant of the choices you make. Can you think of any examples for this?

6. Let go of anger, fear, blame, mistrust and insecurity.

7. Take risks and to become vulnerable to change and growth in your life.


8. Take off the masks of behaviour characteristics behind which you hide low self-esteem.

9. Reorganize your priorities and goals.

10.Realize that you are the party in charge of the direction your life takes.

(Lawson, 2011).

It is important to always keep ones safety as a top priority. One should never do anything that puts oneself or others at risk when taking personal responsibility. The truth is always most important.

Accepting personal responsibility is taking an honest inventory of your strengths, abilities, talents, virtues and positive points (Lawson, 2011).

Take some time to journal each of these points: What are your strengths? What are your abilities? What talents do you have? What virtues do you uphold?

Getting to know one’s self is key to personal responsibility.


http://thesystemmd.com/?p=230

Session Three: The Steps of Accepting Personal Responsibility

Learning Goal and Outcome

Goal – To know the stages of accepting personal responsibility.Outcome – Demonstrate an understanding of the stages of personal responsibility and how this will help one in becoming personally responsible.

The Steps of Accepting Personal Responsibility


http://thesystemmd.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/unclesam_250_n.jpg

Introduction

This session we will discuss how one may achieve personal responsibility. There are 5 steps many find useful when trying to achieve personal responsibility. This does not mean you have to follow these steps in order to achieve personal responsibility however they are good guidelines to have and follow.

What are the steps in accepting personal responsibility? Step 1: To decide if you are having problems accepting personal responsibility (Lawson, 2011).

Take some time to reflect on the below questions:

How frequently do you claim that others have determined what you are today? How easy is it to accept that you are responsible for your choices in life? How easy it is to believe that you determine the direction your life takes? How easy is it to blame others for where you are today? How easy is it to accept blame or admit mistakes? How easy is it to accept that you determine your feelings when negative events

occur? How easy is it to depend solely on yourself for acceptance, affirmation and

approval? How easy is it to let go of guilt if you stop rescuing those in your life? How successfully have you practiced self-affirmation in your life? How successfully have you practiced anger work out and letting go in order to get

on with your life?

(Lawson, 2011)

Step 2: Rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 as to the level of personal responsibility you have accepted in each of the following areas (1 being not being responsible and 5 being always responsible) (Lawson, 2011):

Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure physical health Taking the preventive and maintenance measures to ensure emotional health Taking preventive and maintenance measures to ensure healthy relationships Taking the necessary steps to overcome my current problems and troubles Taking the necessary steps to protect myself from being victimized by my

rescuing and enabling of others Managing my time, managing the stress in my life, overcoming my fears and

preventing burnout in my life

(Lawson, 2011)


Score: A rating of 3 or less in any of the areas indicates a need to accept personal responsibility.

Take some time to reflect or brainstorm on ways you can improve in the areas your rated yourself low in.

Step 3: Identify your beliefs that prevent acceptance of responsibility for yourself. Develop new, rational, replacement beliefs to help you accept responsibility for yourself (Lawson, 2011).

An example is: I do not take care of myself so I have low esteem and I am sick a lot. A new belief would be I will take care of myself so I don’t get sick (eating better, getting exercise). This will lead me to feeling better about myself (I can also use affirmations to raise my self-esteem) so I am better able and more readily able to have personal responsibility.

Use the answers you rated yourself low in from Step 2, to create statements such as this one for each.

Step 4: Developing a plan of action (Lawson, 2011).

Using the below examples, create a list of how to accept personal responsibility.

Examples:

Self-Affirmations Handling Guilt Building Trust Handling Insecurity Becoming Vulnerable Overcoming Fears Becoming a Risk Taker Spirituality Time Management Stress Reduction Preventing Burnout Overcoming Perfectionism (Lawson, 2011)

Step 5: If you are still struggling with understanding how you can take personal responsibility for your life repeat step 1 to 4 again. This can happen throughout their life and that is okay (Lawson, 2011).

What thoughts or feelings came up for you while working through the steps? Remember knowing yourself is the best place to start in taking responsibility for your life.


http://www.livestrong.com/article/14656-stress-reduction/

Session Four: Personal Responsibility - What To Avoid


Goals –To realize how blame can hold one back from becoming personally responsible. -To understand the consequences of not being personally responsible. -To understand when one should not accept personal responsibilityOutcomes – The learner will demonstrate an understanding of consequences based on taking responsibility for one’s own life.


Personal Responsibility - What To Avoid

Introduction

Personal responsibility is extremely important in someone’s life. It allows for the person to take charge of their life and it empowers them to make healthy changes in their life. If one does not engage in personal responsibility there can be many negative consequences. You can run the risk of becoming:

overly dependent on others for recognition, approval, affirmation and acceptance chronically hostile, angry or depressed over how unfairly you have been or are

being treated fearful about ever taking a risk or making a decision overwhelmed by disabling fears unsuccessful in personal relationships or over responsible guilt ridden in your need to rescue and enable others in your life.

(Lawson, 2011)

This however can all be influenced and complicated by having a mental health issue. For example, individuals with depression may find it difficult getting out of bed or maybe someone was denied a job opportunity because of their mental health issue.

Consider how it might be difficult to continue with personal responsibility in the face of these issues. An individual with depression may need to follow their individual care plan and engage in healthy behaviours. The individual who did not get the job can fight for their rights or continue to search for a job rather then letting that outcome defeat them.

Brainstorm situations where it is not appropriate to take personal responsibility for a situation. For example, a friend or loved ones addiction. However, we can take personal responsibility for enabling the person and their addiction if, for example, we are providing money when it will go to the addiction. Take some time to journal or discuss your thoughts on this.

When Someone does not Accept Personal Responsibility

When someone does not accept personal responsibility they put the blame on others and do not take ownership for their part in a situation. They can have a very negative and narrow outlook on life also. They might think things like, “I was never asked to be born, its not my fault I am the way I am, life is unfair and there is no sense in taking control of my life.” (Lawson, 2011).

Can you relate to any of these comments, if so why?


Release Blame and Choose Responsibility

The biggest obstacle one can face when trying to become personally responsible is the blame game. It is easiest to look to others when we have an issue and insist that it is always someone else’s fault. What good is there in blaming others? All it does is keep someone in a rut, a place where they cannot grow (Gallozzi). Progress can only happen if we admit to ourselves that, “Only I can hold myself back. Only I can stand in my own way. One can I transform myself from a victim of circumstances to a choice-making, action orientated person. Only I can take charge of my life,” (Gallozzi). If you only look at blaming others in a situation you are not taking the time to see the part you played in it.

It is important to forgive yourself when taking personal responsibility, “I was honest with myself and while A led to B, I can change A so that B will not happen again. I made a mistake but I have learned my lesson so I can do better in the future,”. “Life always gives you the consequences related to your actions or inaction. The onus is on you to amend your mistakes and negligence.” (About-Personal-Growth.com).

This is difficult when we have become a culture of blame the other guy and we fall into the trap of, “Well everyone else is doing it” (Jackowski, 2009).This is when you have to take a stand and do what you know is right, not what is easiest. This is easily seen on the internet where individuals can hide behind the curtain of anonymity (which means people may not know who you are) (Jackowski, 2009). It is then important that every individual should embrace personal responsibility in order to break out of this cultural tendency to use the blame game. It is going to be challenging but it is important that everyone starts to look at their actions and how they can use personal responsibility instead of blame. Here is a good example of not taking personal responsibility. How do you think you could change this scenario to one that demonstrates John taking personal responsibility?

Consider this: “John had a job interview that day at 9:00am. He slept in (since he forgot to set his alarm) and arrived late to the interview. In the rush in the morning he spilt coffee on the only copy of his resume and the individual conducting the interview was not impressed. John was told at the interview that they would not be able to hire him at this time. John stood up and yelled at the individual conducting the interview, stating that it was unfair and he deserved the job. John left convinced it wasn’t his fault and he did everything right, the interviewer just must not have liked him.”

How could John have demonstrated personal responsibility in this situation instead of blaming other things?

Take some time to journal or discuss this. Name a situation where you have blamed someone else for something you could have taken personal responsibility.


Attitude

The following is a story by an unknown author about the power of taking personal responsibility.

Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”

He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily,


Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

“The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door, ” Jerry replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “…the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.

In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’. I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live.

Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.” Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything (Attitude).

*Take the time to discuss any comments, questions, concerns or thoughts about the story with the group. If you’re reading this on your own time, take the time to consider any reactions you may have from this story.


When you Shouldn’t Take Personal Responsibility

After everything that has been said today and in groups before this point there is something we must discuss. Sometimes you should not and cannot take personal responsibility. An example could be an individual’s drug or alcohol addiction. You may be an enabler in the situation (by giving them money for their drugs etc:) but it is never your fault that someone is addicted to drugs or alcohol. The addicted person needs to take personal responsibility for them self but it is not right for you to take responsibility for that situation.

*Ask the group to think of other situations where someone should not take personal responsibility and discuss.


(S toc kda le , 2009 )

Session Five: Drama Triangle

Learning Goal and Outcomes

Goal – To understand the concept of the drama triangle and how playing the victim can effect an individual.Outcomes – To understand what role we play in the drama triangle and how this can affect our ability to become personally responsible. -To understand how playing the role of a victim and blaming can hold one back from being personally responsible.- To learn how to overcome being the victim.


Drama Triangle

Introduction

In this section, the concept of the Drama Triangle will be explained. According to this theory, created by Eric Berne, individuals assume three different roles in society (Counselling Central, 2009). According to this theory and Eric Berne, families are the training ground to our life (Counselling Central, 2009). This is where children are the victims and parents are rescuers/persecutors (Counselling Central, 2009).

The first role Eric Berne describes is the rescuer. This individual often perceives others as victims, someone that they must take responsibility for (Counselling Central, 2009). For rescuers, victims cannot help themselves and they need someone to help them, namely the rescuer (Counselling Central, 2009). This role creates individuals who are dependent on rescuers and feel as though they cannot cope without a rescuer in their life.

The second role is a persecutor. This individual starts off as a rescuer or victim. For former rescuers, this is someone who became frustrated with a victim rejecting their help, ideas or answers to questions (Counselling Central, 2009). This individual then begins to persecute or harass the victim (Counselling Central, 2009).

The last role is that of the victim. This is someone who is rescued or overly helped by a rescuer (Counselling Central, 2009). Often these individuals do not ask for the help but they do not try to overcome this oppression (Counselling Central, 2009). They often pass all their responsibility for their well-being onto the rescuer (Counselling Central, 2009). It is possible that some victims will go on to persecute rescuers out of frustration.

(Forrest, 2008)

What roles do you think you play and why? Can you see a connection with the roles and the influence your family may have had on you?

Accepting Personal Responsibility and Giving up the Role of Victim

By accepting personal responsibility you give up the role of the victim and become in control of your life (Keely, 2008). It is easy to blame others for the bad events that take place in our life but in every situation we always have a role we play (Keely, 2008). In order to give up the role of the victim here are a few things you need to do:


1. Own your misfortune – when things do not go as planned take responsibility for it. If you do not then you take the role of the victim and will always be waiting for someone else to make the necessary changes for you. You have given someone else power over your life.

2. Take responsibility and gain your power back – once you refuse to be the victim and accept personal responsibility you own your problem. It is then possible to make the changes needed to grow.

3. Realize when you have no fault - in a case where you truly have no personal responsibility, allow yourself to move foreword rather then holding onto resentment, anger or being stuck in a place of depression (Keely, 2008).

By doing these things you are not accepting fault, you are owning the problem so that you have the power to fix the issue (Keely, 2008). When you are no longer the victim you are giving yourself the power to be your own hero which gives you the strength to make your life what you want it to be (Keely, 2008).

Think of these examples:

One half of a marriage may be quick to point out that the marriage ended because of the other spouse's affair. But let's say it was the wife committing the adultery. The husband needs to ask himself if he participated in the marriage with one hundred percent effort. What responsibility must he take for his wife’s infidelity? Was he always available for her when she needed him or did he push her away? Or did the man simply go into the marriage knowing his wife struggled with commitment? Was he hoping it would all end once the vows were said, knowing deep down it wouldn't (Keely, 2008)?

What is your opinion on the situation: Where does personal responsibility come into play? How could the husband play the role of the victim in this situation? How could the husband take personal responsibility for the situation?


www.raab.com/NCC/NCC101/.../2%20Personal%20Responsibility.ppt


Adopting the Creator RoleStimulus

Choice

VictimCreatorResponseSeeking solutionsTaking actionTrying something new

ResponseBlaming ComplainingExcusingRepeating behaviorResults

Often achieves goals ResultsSeldom achieves goals

( P r i c e l e s s P r o f e s s i o n a l D e v e l o p m e n t )

Session 6: Having


Goal – To understand what personal responsibility is. - To understand what is needed in order to be personally responsible.Outcome – The learner will demonstrate an understanding of how one can become personally responsible.-The learner will identify traits within oneself that will help them in becoming personally responsible.

Having Personal Responsibility In Hard Situations


There are going to times in your life when taking personal responsibility is going to be extremely hard. There will be times when you do not want to take personal responsibility and maybe it will even get you in trouble. We are going to be discussing how you handle these situations and the thought processes that are helpful during these times.

Taking Personal Responsibility when you may Have Negative Repercussions or Outcomes

This will be extremely difficult to do. Why should I take personal responsibility for this, I’m going to get in trouble? Well, have you ever heard the saying, “Honesty is the best policy”? It is very true. When you lie that sits with you, it can eat you up on the inside and it does not leave you with a good feeling.

Can you recall the last time you lied to someone? Did it make you feel good? Do you wish you could have changed how you reacted to the situation or person?

In some situations if you do not tell the truth someone else who is innocent will get in trouble. For example, a hard situation would be a law breaking matter. We will say that person A stole a chocolate bar. They and their friend, person B, were stopped by an employee of the store. If person A does not take personal responsibility for their actions and lies, person B will get in trouble and possibly be charged with stealing. This will likely leave person A feeling guilty which could lead them to do unhealthy things to cope.

What do you think of the above situation?

Can you think of any personal examples like this?

It is extremely hard to admit we were wrong especially when there are consequences. However, this is all a part of being personally responsible, admitting our role in a matter even when the outcome isn’t desirable. Having personal responsibility isn’t always easy but it is the right thing to do.

Being the Only One to Take Personal Responsibility

What happens when there is a group of people involved in a situation and you are the only one who takes personal responsibility? This is a tough situation and it can be very hard to know what you should do. For example, let’s imagine that there is a group running and the facilitator needs to step out the room. They ask the group, which you are a part of, to continue the conversation while they are gone. It is everyone’s responsibility to contribute and have the conversation continue however no one starts a conversation and everyone sits in silence. When the facilitator returns there is silence in the room and they ask the group if they continued the conversation.

What would you do in this situation? Would you take personal responsibility and tell the facilitator the truth? Why or why not? What would be difficult in this situation?


In this situation there are many factors to consider. It is possible you may be thinking – well I wasn’t the only one not to speak up, so why should I take responsibility in this situation? However, you could have tried to start conversation but you did not. Also, you may feel that you are “telling” on your peers and feel they will judge you or look at you differently if you answer the facilitator. However, you are taking responsibility for your part in the matter and should not be placing blame on others. If you use I statements you can explain what happened from your point of view. Take responsibility for your part only and the others in the group should do the same. It is possible they could look at you differently after; however, you have done the right thing for you and your recovery.

Using I statements may not be easy at times and this is something that will take time to develop and be comfortable with. An I statement is a way of owning our feelings and behaviour. This statement says how you feel about a situation and how you personally see and feel things (How and when to use "i" statements). In this type of statement you should be focusing on getting across your needs and feelings in an assertive and direct way (How and when to use "i" statements). This means you want to communicate to others without being aggressive or passive. This a form of non-defensive communication which means it is hard for others to feel blamed if we are taking ownership for how we feel (How and when to use "i" statements).

According to How and when to use "i" statements, there are six steps in order to have a good I statement.

Step One – ListenListen and do not interrupt the other person while they are speaking to you.

Repeat what they are saying in your owns words to make sure you understand what they are saying. You may want to say, “what I’m hearing is…” or “so from my understanding you said or feel…”. For example, “What I’m hearing is that you feel neglected.” Make sure your body language reflects that you are listening which could mean you are facing the person.

Step Two – Use “I” and not “You”When you are responding to the person use “I” statements to get your point and

feelings across. You may want to start your sentence with, “I feel that…” or “I think that I…” or “my concern is…”. For example, “I feel sad when I am left behind in public.”

Step Three – Refer to the behaviour and not the person.If the behaviour of an individual is bothering or troubling you then label the

behaviour rather than attacking the person. You may want to say, “when I’m shouted at I…”, “when I’m sworn at I…” or “when I think I’m not being heard I…”. For example, “When I am yelled at I am unable to listen to the best of my ability”.

Step Four – State how the behaviour affects you


Ask yourself how the behaviour makes you feel and communicate this to the other person. You can say, “I’m worried that something will go wrong if…”, “I get really anxious when…”, “I get really hurt when…”, “I feel hurt when…”. For example, “I feel hurt when someone is not looking at me while I’m sharing my story with them”.

Step Five – State what you need to happenThis is when you communicate your needs to the other individual. You can say, “I

would like if…”, “I need…”, or “what I’d like to see happen is…”. For example, “In order for me to be able to do my homework I need a quiet space”.

Step Six – State that there is a consequence to their actions If this applies to you and your situation then you can state the consequences of

the other person not following through with your request. It is most helpful to use the terms “if” and “then”. For example, “if you continue to swear at me then I will no longer take part in this conversation”.

The Role of Self-Discipline

There are some cases where only you will know the truth of the matter and many thoughts may enter your head, “No one will know so do I still have to take responsibility?”. The answer is simple – yes. Taking personal responsibility is not only for when others know - you will know the truth. You are personally responsible since it is the right thing to do. It is adopting a lifestyle that you will use in all situations. You will need to be your own judge and hold yourself accountable because there won’t always be someone there to hold your hand and do it for you.

Have you ever been in a situation where only you would know you did something wrong? Did you take personal responsibility and if you didn’t, how would you take personal responsibility for it now?

Lying and Personal Responsibility

Lying is something that has been lightly touched upon in this session. However do we really understand the impact lying has upon personal responsibility? It can be easy to lie your way out of a situation or out of taking personal responsibility. Maybe as mentioned above, no one will know or there are several people not taking responsibility either. In the end you will know the truth and that is what matters most. Having personal accountability is essential in order to possess personal responsibility.

It may not be easy to tell the truth, especially when you are taking ownership for something. You may be scared and wanting to ‘take the easy way out’ however that won’t help you. As already said you will know the truth and it will give you a bad feeling inside to know that you have lied.

Can you think of a time when you told a lie? Why did you do this and how did you feel after?


What if you lied in the past and are trying to learn to be personally responsible? It may be important to look at why you need to tell the truth and whether it will harm anyone or put them in danger. Making amends for things you have lied about in the past can be: Sincere efforts to offer apology for past harm, wonderful bridge-builders for more positive future relationships and effective agents for removing the tremendous weight of guilt, shame, and remorse (12Step.org).

This can be so important when becoming personally responsible. You are taking ownership of your life, past and present. In a song called Courage by the artist Superchick they say, “These secrets are walls that keep us alone,”. Secrets from past lies can keep you isolated, keep you feeling guilty and shameful and can prevent you from moving forward in your life and being completely personally responsible for your actions.

However, please understand that while this may help you in your journey to becoming personally responsible, your first priority is making sure that you or another person will not be harmed in this process. Feelings can be hurt yes but if anyone is in serious danger please do what you need to in order to keep everyone safe.

Can you think of an instance where you have lied in past and how you may go about making amends?

Asking for Help

It is important to remember that you are not alone on this journey and at any time you can ask others for help. You can ask those at Self Help Alliance, trusted family, friends or peers. Though you are taking personal responsibility you are not alone on this journey. It is possible that there will be bumps along the road and you may falter but never give up! Stay determined, stay focused and have a positive attitude and you will be able to achieve a lot!


(Adalia, 2011)

Session 7: Overview


Goal – To understand what personal responsibility is. – To understand what is needed in order to be personally responsible Outcome – The learner will demonstrate and understanding of how one can become personally responsible. – The learner will identify traits within oneself that will help the learner in becoming personally responsible.


http://www.adaliaconfidenceandsuccessblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/taking-responsibility-for-your.jpg

Seven Ways to Take Personal Responsibility

Below is a review of the previous sections:

1) Stop blaming others: no one else is responsible for the choices in your life but you.

2) No more excuses: it is easy to say, “I don’t have a choice because…it wasn’t my fault because…” however this does not help you but only holds you back from overcoming a difficult situation.

3) Stop playing the victim: it is destructive and does not accomplish anything. The only way things are going to get better is if we stop playing the victim and start taking responsibility in our life, you must start taking positive action toward a better life – no one will do it for you.

4) Realize the payoff for bad behaviour: all bad behavior that we repeat has a payoff and that is why we continue with this bad behaviour, for example a parent may yell at their child since they stop misbehaving when they do, however in the long run this is destructive behavior and the parent must find a more productive way to resolve the situation. Once you realize the payoff you want, then you can find a better way to achieve it.

5) Accept responsibility and be accountable: only you are responsible for your life and how you react to a situation, it is important to take positive action to change or fix a situation you do not like.

6) Take positive action: small, doable actions toward a goal will translate into progress and then success. You can slowly build the momentum and start to take bigger steps to improve your life.

7) Make the best of it: staying positive and making the best out of every situation is key to becoming personally responsible. If you can see yourself through a bad situation by helping yourself and maybe others along the way then you have achieved the highest level of personal responsibility – the pathway to a better life.

(Jeff, 2008).

Do you struggle with any of these aspects? If so, why? Strategize and brainstorm ways to cope with any issue(s) that may arise.

Knowing what is the Right Thing to Do

We all face challenges where we are not sure of how to proceed. This is where we can ask others for help or guidance. Most importantly though, you should look inside yourself to see if you can find an answer. There is a story about a grandfather and grandson that is very appropriate to demonstrate this.


A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson. He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, discontented one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate, happy and contented one.” The grandson asked him, “Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?” The grandfather replied, “The one I feed” (Ron, 2008). How does this story relate to personal responsibility? It might show that there may be an internal battle going on in order to become personally responsible or that your focus needs to be more on the positives in your life. No answer is wrong.

Personal Responsibility: A Success Story

Here is a powerful story about responsibility taken from the book The 85% Solution.

We stood in front of a black sign with white letters that read, “Please Wait to Be Seated,” and we waited.

I was hungry and impatient, and not in any mood to wait.

Two couples who arrived ahead of my weary four-woman group waited too, even though at least half of the tables in the restaurant were empty.

I took that as a sign that the restaurant’s staff was slow and incompetent. That made me more impatient.

When we were seated and our food arrived, I lost it.

“You call this a fresh fruit salad?” I scolded Lindsay, the nineteen-year-old waitress who delivered a bowl of faded honeydew and overripe cantaloupe that the kitchen had, for some reason, thought I would eat.

I expected Lindsay to tell me it wasn’t her fault because she didn’t make the salad. But she stunned me.

“No,” she agreed, “it doesn’t look fresh at all. The kitchen is just about out of fresh fruit. I’m sorry.”

It’s not often that I’m speechless, but at that moment, I didn’t know what to say. I knew it wasn’t her fault, yet she apologized.

As my mouth hung open, Lindsay directed my attention to the plump, red strawberries that garnished the sandwich platters my friends had ordered.

“How about a big bowl of those?” she offered. I closed my mouth as it started to water.She returned in a hurry, eager to salvage my supper. But steps away from our table, she stumbled over a kink in the carpet and released the bowl, sending strawberries


flying all over my dinner companions and me. They landed in our hair, on our shoulders, on our laps, and even in our purses.

Speechless. Again.

“Did everybody get some?” Lindsay asked, and she started to giggle.It infected all four of us. We laughed.

This teenage ray of sunshine helped us pick berries out of our hair and sped back to the kitchen to slice up some more. This time, I got to eat them instead of wear them.We left her a huge tip, this young woman who spilled food all over us.

As we left, I pulled her aside. “You didn’t get upset because I didn’t like my salad or even when you tripped. You didn’t blame the kitchen or the carpet or us for arriving so late. You just handled it. How do you do that?

Her response was mature beyond her nineteen years.

“I’m responsible for making sure you come back,” Lindsay explained. “You’ll base your decisions on my actions.”

She was responsible for every mess she made. She was responsible for serving me the wilted cantaloupe. She was responsible for tossing strawberries all over my friends and me.

I asked Lindsay one more question before I turned to leave: “Why were so many people waiting to be seated when we arrived, even though so many tables were empty?”

She replied, “They wanted to sit in my section, so they had to wait for tables to open up.”

Moral: This clumsy young woman learned this by watching her manager, whose section is always as crowded as Lindsay’s is now. That profound example taught her that taking total responsibility for herself, her job, her relationships, and her behaviour is the key to avoiding unpleasant outcomes (coachaljohnson, 2010).

Why do you think Lindsay had such success? Do you think you would ever be able to be as personally responsible as the young women?


(Heppell)

Session 8: Wrap Up

Learning Goal and Outcomes

Goal – To summarize the previous sessions and information.Outcome – The learner will demonstrate their understanding of their level of confidence in demonstrating personal responsibility.


Session 8: Wrap Up

Open Discussion

Consider the following questions: -What have you learned from this workbook?-What changes have you seen in yourself? -What was helpful about the workbook?

What are the Next Steps

Now that you have a better understanding about personal responsibility you can begin to work it into your everyday life. Remember the tips you have learned and apply them to your life. Remember that only you are responsible for your actions, thoughts, feelings and life! Take the control back of your life.

As mentioned before there will be periods where it will be hard to continue to use personal responsibility but in those times remember the things you have learned here and reach out for help if it is needed. You do not have to walk this journey alone, those at Self Help Alliance, your trusted friends, family and your peers are willing to assist you if need be.

Look at the picture and statement below. What does this statement mean to you? Is this a statement that you can now make? If not, maybe give yourself some time to start the workbook again.


Final Survey

Fill out the attached survey. Then compare it to the one you filled out at the beginning of the workbook. Reflect on the changes in your understanding of personal responsibility.

Final Survey – what do you think personal responsibility is?

1. What does personal responsibility mean to you after taking this group?

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2. Do you still struggle with having or using personal responsibility? Why or why not? Give examples.

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3. Do you now see yourself as a responsible person? Why or why not?

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4. Was this group beneficial to you? Why or why not?

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5. Is there anything you would like to see different about this group if it was run again?

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Are You a Responsible Person?

True False I do what needs to be done.

I am reliable and dependable.

I am accountable for my actions; I don't make excuses or blame others.

I fulfill my moral obligations.

I use good judgment and think through the consequences of my actions.

I exercise self-control.

I think I am/am not a responsible person because: ___________________

Being responsible puts you in charge of your life.

Copyright Elkind+Sweet Communications / Live Wire Media.Reprinted by permission. Copied from www.GoodCharacter.com.

Works Cited


12Step.org. Step 9. Retrieved from http://www.12step.org/the-12-steps/step-9.html.

About-Personal-Growth.com. Personal growth. Retrieved from http://www.aboutpersonal growth.com/index.html.

Adalia. (2011, July 25). Take responsibility for your life today. Retrieved fromhttp://www.adaliaconfidence andsuccessblog.com/2011/07/25/take-responsibilityfor-your-lifetoday/.

Attitude. Retrieved from http://mormonsite.wordpress.com/attitude/.

Coachaljohnson. (2010, January 13). A story of personal responsibility as a leader.Retrieved from http://coachaljohnson.wordpress.com/2010/01/13/personalresponsibility-as-aleader/.

Counselling Central. (2009, May 10). Transactional analysis: drama triangle of rescuer,persecutor and victim. Retrieved from http://counsellingcentral.com/transactionalanalysisdrama-triangle-of-rescuer-persecutor-and-victim/.

Forrest, L. (2008). The three faces of victim. Retrieved fromhttp://www.lynneforrest.com/html/the_faces_of_victim.html.

Gallozzi, C. Personal responsibility. Retrieved from http://www.personaldevelopment.com/chuck/responsibility.htm.

Heppell, M. Personal responsibility. Retrieved from http://www.michaelheppell.com/2008 /08/28/personal-responsibility/.

How and when to use "i" statements. Retrieved from http://www.compassioncoach.com/how_and_when_to_use_i_statements.

Icebreakers and name games. Retrieved from http://www.sdcoe.net/lret/avid/Resources/icebreakers.pdf.

Jackowski, R. (2009, October 19). The death of personal responsibility. Retrieved fromhttp://dissidentvoice.org/2009/10/the-death-of-personal-responsibility/.

Jeff. (2008, June 18). 7 ways to take personal responsibility and live a better life.Retrieved from http://mysuperchargedlife.com/blog/7-ways-to-take-personalresponsibility-and-live-a-betterlife/.

Keely, S. (2008, July 27). Giving up the role of victim. Retrieved from http://siobhankeely. suite 101.com/personal-responsibilty-a62008.

Knox, G. 40 icebreakers for small groups. Retrieved from www.insight.typepad.co.uk.


Lawson, J. (2011, August 11). Accepting personal responsibility. Retrieved fromhttp://www.livestrong.com/article/14698-accepting-personal-responsibility/.

Priceless Professional Development. Leadership characteristics. Retrieved fromhttp://www.pricelessprofessional .com/leadership-characteristics-1.html.

Ron. (2008, June 13). The secret to being rich. Retrieved fromhttp://www.thewisdomjournal.com/Blog/the-secret-to-being-rich/.

rtomsaxton. (2011, April 19). The effects of personal responsibility. Retrieved fromhttp://rtomsaxton.wordpress.com/2011/04/18/the-effects-of-personalresponsibility/.

Stockdale, T. (2009, February 1). Terry’s computer tips newsletter. Retrieved fromhttp://www.terryscomputertips.com/archives/news_20090201.php.


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