I wish I could stay and have a long conver-

sation with each and every fan of The Wiz-

ard of Oz who has approached me with

wide eyes and curious hearts. I’m flattered

that I get recognized. I get questions about

Oz just about everywhere: restaurants, air-

ports, and elevators. Unfortunately, there’s

just not enough time to answer every ques-

tion in person, in every situation. I don’t re-

call all of the day-to-day activities of making

the movie; remember, it was made seventy

years ago. That was a long time ago. It’s not

that I don’t remember it at all, I do: It was

the thrill of my life. I made lifelong friends

because of The Wizard of Oz, too, and the

movie probably means more to me today

than when it happened.

So in order to handle some of the most

common questions I’ve been asked over the

decades, I thought it might be best to offer

answers right here for you. I hope you

won’t mind my doing it this way. Some of

these questions you might have already

thought of yourself, some might not have

ever entered your mind. I hope this will be suffi-

cient for all you fans who have wondered about

these topics and written me letters. Here goes:

Do you have a favorite memory of making The

Wizard of Oz?

I think how wonderful Judy Garland was to all of

us. I think maybe some of us were expecting her

to be a snob because she was just then becoming

Here is Judy chat-ting with some of

us Munchkins on theset. (left to right) Fern

Formica, Rae-Nell Lasky(child Munchkin), Priscilla

Montgomery (childMunchkin), me, Betty

Ann Bruno (a childMunchkin whose head ispeeking out behind me),

Judy, and little Olga Nardone.This is the memory I keep of

Judy, sitting down and talking withus during the downtime.31

I’ve Been Down this Yellow Brick Road Before!

ONE OF MY FIRST FORAYS into television, when TV was in its infancy, was Superman, star-

ring George Reeves in 1951. Originally it wasn’t intended to be for television. I was hired

along with a few other little guys (Tony Boris, Johnny Bambury, and Billy Curtis) to play

subterranean-dwelling mole creatures in a feature film called Superman and the Mole Men.

Naturally, I knew who Superman was from comic books and the serials, so this was an ex-

citing job. Outside of serials on Saturday afternoons, Superman had never been on the big

screen. I was pretty sure this might be something big. In this film, us little guys played

these creatures who are angered when an oil company has invaded our space with “the

world’s deepest well.” After the film was completed, a TV series starring the Man of Steel

was sold and the first few episodes consisted of this movie chopped up into thirty minute

segments.

71

3“Oh, I wish i were an oscar mayer wiener”

117

would follow Janos looking for cookies, too. You’d be surprised how many fans sent in

boxes of cookies to the show; then the cookie companies began shipping out cases and

cases of complimentary goodies, hoping for a plug on the show.

I wish Andy would have used me on one of his Christmas specials during those years.

He never did. I could have played an elf, but I guess no one thought of it. I’m not sure

116

As the Little General in a sketch with the great Jimmy Durante on The AndyWilliams Show in 1970. The character of the Little General was the most memo-rable one I did on the show. I would interrupt Andy and yell German commands athim at the wildest times.

In a few sketches on The Andy Williams Show,I played a little dancing bear, while Janos Pro-haska was the larger dancing bear. I wantedcookies! Andy loved to have Jonathan Winterson the show too.

aybe the greatest career challenge for Don Knotts came early in 1964, when he faced aserious crossroads. While his fame was skyrocketing, his shelves were filling up withawards, and his wallet was fat, he wasn’t sure what to do next. Like a frazzled Barney Fife,he was all over the place, in the middle of the street with horns honking at him and carswhizzing by.

Knotts told veteran Hollywood columnist Hedda Hopper in January of that year that hehad a “tough decision to make.” Committed as a resident of Mayberry for one more year,Knotts wasn’t sure where to turn after that. He was welcome to stay in town or head out onhis own. It was his choice.

“I’ve had several offers to do my own show when I’m free, but I don’t know where tojump. If I had a hit show the financial gain would be great; but there are many things tothink about. I was on TV with Steve Allen four years, then this present series will makenine years straight on TV.

“My only Broadway experience was two years in No Time for Sergeants, and I’d like todo another play. Most of all I’d like to do an English comedy; I love their sense of humor.There’s been some interest in that direction, but I haven’t done anything about it as I’mcommitted to Andy for another year; I don’t want to tie myself down so I won’t be able todo feature pictures. Film offers don’t always come in at the right time; you can’t dependon the timing. They make such attractive offers for TV, but I think maybe if I took a year ortwo off to do some of these other things they wouldn’t want me anymore.”

During the hiatus before his final season, Don and his longtime pal—and boss—AndyGriffith took to the road and performed some routines together at Harrah’s in Lake Tahoe.Promoters for the popular state fair circuit were slinging huge dollar signs their way to doa traveling Mayberry act on the road, but Knotts refused. The cast of The Beverly Hillbilliescashed in doing their arena show and so did cast members from McHale’s Navy, as well asother popular TV performers. Admitting the money was fantastic and very hard to turn

3

Chock-Full o’Knotts“His first name was Jesse. He never liked

that name. He let me know it one time

and I always called him Jess after that.”—ANDY GRIFFITH

M

life in a different direction. He married Loralee Czuchna andremained quite content until their marriage ended nine years later.Careerwise, he took to the stage and toured in productions of NeilSimon’s comedy The Last of the Red Hot Lovers, a snappy comedycalled The Mind with the Dirty Man, and a production of The OddCouple with Art Carney. Determined to adjust his public image andreinvent himself as an actor, Don told the press at the time: “Thenervous little fellow who’d let big guys kick sand in his face is gone.I am branching out as a character comedian. I got the feeling of beingboxed in, stuck with the same character, so I decided to do some the-ater because I could play parts there that I’d never be allowed to doon the tube.”

When the Walt Disney Studios came calling for a TV special star-ring Mickey Mouse, Don was all ears. Eventually, he signed a con-tract with the studio to make a series of films; it was a welcomeddeparture that led to the inspired teaming of Knotts with fellowcomedian Tim Conway in several films including The AppleDumpling Gang and The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again. Donkept busy with more family-oriented feature films at Disney (NoDeposit, No Return and Herbie Goes to Monte Carlo), as well asvoice-over work and stage productions.

ABC Television approached Don in the summer of 1979 aboutjoining the cast of the sexually revolutionized hit show Three’sCompany; Knotts leaped at the opportunity to return to prime time.He would be the landlord, replacing Norman Fell and Audra Lind-ley as the Ropers. As the ascot-wearing pseudo-swinger Ralph Fur-ley, Don slipped into his toupee phase and played the goofylandlord to the hilt. Secretly nervous about performing in front of alive audience for the weekly tapings, Don soon shook his fears andblended well with costars John Ritter, Suzanne Somers, and JoyceDeWitt. Don stayed with the show until it went off the air in 1984after eight seasons.

“When Don agreed to come on the show, we were absolutelyastounded,” says Joyce DeWitt, who played peppy Janet on theseries. “That this amazing, creative, extraordinary talent would agreeto join our cast.

“The first day he came to the set, we were dumbfounded,” sheremembers. “We could hardly speak because Don was working withus. He came in and thanked us for inviting him and asked forabsolutely nothing. He was the kind of person you wanted to makesure was taken care of because Don would never ask for himself. Hewas such a gift to the show, making a seamless transition from theRopers leaving and Mr. Furley coming in.

“One of the great joys for me about Three’s Company that lives in

Chock-Full o ’Knotts

“Movies were something I never thought would happen to me,”Knotts told Entertainment Weekly in 1998. “It’s what I dreamed of asa kid. I’d have dreamed of a career in TV, but it wasn’t around backthen.”

The Knotts vehicles were stacked with every great character actorin town (including several ex-Mayberry residents), excellent writing,and magical music created by Vic Mizzy. “Ed Montagne had usedthis little stock company of character actors in these films,” explainsAl Checco, who popped up in several Knotts films with his old armypal. “I never kissed his ass or asked him for work, because I was get-ting work, luckily. Much of our work together was coincidental,mainly because of Ed Montagne, who used to cast me in bit parts inDon’s movies.

“I have a picture that Don signed to me years ago and he wrote:‘Long may our paths cross,’” says Checco. “What he meant by that ishe was always surprised to see me in his movies, but it was allbecause of Ed Montagne. If Don recommended me for work, I wasn’taware of it. But then again, Don was a very compassionate guy. Yearsago when I was in a show at the same time Don was in No Time forSergeants, I lost my wife. She died at a very early age and we hadn’tbeen married that long. It was tragic for me. Don was great, he practi-cally saw me every night after the shows. I’d be crying in my boozeand Don was there helping me through it, so concerned.”

Nip It!Karen Knotts described him as “an awesome father” who treated hermore like a friend than a child. “He told me everything,” sheexplained to Larry King on CNN in 2006. “Since a lot of my growingup he was single during the time, he talked to me about even his lovelife and everything that was going on. We were like buddies, likebest friends.

“When my mother and he divorced, I went to live with himbecause she moved up to a ranch and I wasn’t quite prepared forthat. All through the ’70s he was a single parent. He was quite thetrendsetter during the ’70s; he even had a man-purse and the wholething. He was just a whimsical guy who had a lot of fun in his life.”

In 1970, Don returned to television in a short-lived variety series,The Don Knotts Show, but it didn’t work with audiences and the starwas uncomfortable in that format. He continued to guest-star inother performers’ shows (Here’s Lucy, The Captain and Tennille, TheMuppet Show) to earn a living and keep his exposure level up.

After a decade of doing the nervous routine on television and infilms, the comedian was haunted by the little fellow with buggedeyeballs and pursed lips. Don sought to take his career and personal

12 The Incredible Mr . D on Knotts

FROM TV’S HOLLYWOOD

SQUARES:

“Host Peter Marshall:

Don, you’ve been having

trouble going to sleep.

Are you probably a man

or a woman?

Knotts: That’s what’s been

keeping me awake!”

“I’ve made about thirty movies and my favorite is The Ghost

and Mr. Chicken, which was the first feature I did on my own

after I left The Andy Griffith Show, and I had a lot of control over

the writing and everything. And then another picture I liked was

the one that Tim Conway and I got together on later at Disney,

The Apple Dumpling Gang. And the other picture I’m proud of

is The Incredible Mr. Limpet.”—DON KNOTTS, ON HIS TOP THREE FAVORITES

The Movies

whole ordeal. After getting their discharge both Hall and Bower go toHollywood and land jobs at a movie studio. After a while Bowerbecomes a successful screenwriter pounding the keys in a cubicleworking on films, while goldbrick Archie wrangles his way intobecoming head of the studio.

Sidelights• Filming was completed on January 6, 1961.• This film was fledgling director Jack Webb’s most expensive pro-

duction to date. The film cost nearly $2 million to produce; itwas also his biggest flop, grossing just above half of its produc-tion cost.

• This is Don Knotts’s third military comedy. His stints in the ser-vice fail to improve or expand as his role in this film is minus-cule. In this film, he is a nervous (of course) commanding officer,Corporal Little of the 165th Squadron, U.S. Army Air Corps. Heprefers to be known as “Ol’ Iron Pants,” but no one takes himseriously.

• Look for small roles from ballplayers Bill Kilmer of the San Fran-cisco 49ers and Don Drysdale of the Los Angeles Dodgers. JamesMitchum, the eldest son of star Robert Mitchum, has a small role

in the film.• Robert Osborne—author, film critic, and host on Turner

Classic Movies—has a rare on-camera role as a feistypilot. For some reason, Osborne goes uncredited in thefilm; and to this day, he does not make reference to thefilm on his own résumé.

• Watch for Eddie Quillan as the bellboy. Quillan hailedfrom the mid-1920s film era, including Mack Sennettcomedies. He would play a bit part in several DonKnotts films including The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, TheShakiest Gun in the West, and How to Frame a Figg.

Writers Greenbaum and Fritzell would also usehim in their Andy Griffith film Angel in

My Pocket. Coincidentally, his lastfilm appearance would be an

episode of Matlock titled “TheAuthor” in 1987.• Look for Mayberry’s Howard

McNear (Floyd the Barber) ina bit role.

• This film bombed at the boxoffice. One critic from theHollywood Citizen News

The Incredible Mr . D on Knotts

blamed Jack Webb: “Perhaps if Jack Webb had stuck to his direc-torial chores and left his ‘buddy’ role to someone else, thingsmight have possibly turned out a little better.”

ReviewsHollywood Citizen News: “Theatergoers who might have expected

an army comedy similar in slapsticktheme to the excellent British releasesof the same nature are in for a big dis-appointment. . . . It all seems rather anabsurd waste of time and talent and anunhappy venture for all concerned.”

Los Angeles Times: “The most irritatingfact is that it could have been a reallyhilarious picture, but every time theaction shows promise of better thingsto come, it bogs down in the same oldstatic situations and these receive nohelp from William Brower’s script orJack Webb’s direction.”

31The Last Time I Saw Archi e

Veterans of The SteveAllen Show, Don Knottsand Louis Nye appearedtogether in The Last TimeI Saw Archie.

Captain Little (Don Knotts)introduces himself as “Ol’Iron Pants” to the squad.

he process of purchasing or leasing a ride is exciting! It’s a time to explore what

auto styles and amenities appeal to you, test drive cool vehicles, ponder how your

lifestyle and needs affect what you want to drive, and eventually take home your

new prized possession, which will hopefully be the ideal extension of you. Unlike

many other possessions, this one won’t sit on a shelf somewhere collecting dust. It

will be with you daily, in good times and bad, taking you where you need to go and

exemplifying your personality along the way. In many ways your ride will be like

your new best friend. You’ll need to give it love and care and in return you will truly

appreciate it, trust it, and enjoy its company. The road ahead may not always be

smooth. But it’s my hope that you will purchase a car or truck that makes you feel

at home when you’re on the road, that you’ll learn the fundamentals of auto main-

tenance so that you can properly care for your vehicle, and that, ultimately, you will

connect with your ride the way that I connect with mine.

Shopping for a new vehicle is a lot of fun. But in order to make a successful

purchase, the process should be done thoroughly and carefully. A car or truck is

11

1

FINDING YOUR RIDE

T

109

SIN

CE YOU ASKED . . .

cised and parts can wear into each other slowly and properly. This

will help extend vehicle life.

Breaking in your ride is like running a marathon. It’s best to

start at a slow, even pace before transitioning into a full run. In

vehicular terms, this means avoiding heavy loads on the power-

train for the first two hundred miles. The powertrain is comprised

of all the parts of the engine that connect the transmission with

the drive axle(s) of your car. Starting at full-throttle, towing trail-

ers, and packing the vehicle with heavy loads place extra force on

all the moving parts in the drivetrain and should not be done right

away. Although you might assume the new components in the

powertrain are ready and capable, extreme exertion within those

first couple hundred miles is not advisable.

As you drive your car or truck, oil lubricates the moving parts,

preventing unnecessary rubbing and damaging of components and

allowing everything to function smoothly and seamlessly. But

T h e G a r a g e G i r l ’ s G u i d e

108

Is it worth trying to refurbish an engine, or is it better to just buy a newone?

That’s largely a question of time and economics. It depends on the magnitude of

work involved. Years ago, it was cheaper to have an engine rebuilt than to simply

replace it with a new one. Now, however, labor costs are higher, and you may find

it’s less expensive to purchase a new engine. The new engine or crate motor will also

come with a warranty, while the rebuilt engine may not. That’s a huge bonus.

How do I know the maximum weight that my vehicle can withstand?

Rule of thumb: One passenger per seatbelt. If there is the same number of passen-

gers as there are seats and belts in the vehicle, you are fine. Cars have what’s called

a gross vehicle weight (GVW) and a curb weight. The curb weight is how much the

vehicle weighs when empty. The GVW is the maximum safety performance weight.

You should never exceed your manufacturer’s recommended GVW.

I hate the way my front license plate looks on the car. What can I do aboutthat?

I hear you on this one! I feel the front plate on a car takes away from its aesthetic.

In California we’re required to have front plates, but it mars the beautiful body

design. I believe the manufacturers feel this way too, and that’s why so many sports

cars don’t have a place to easily mount a front license plate. After receiving a ticket

for driving without my front plate, I reluctantly put it back on in a creative way,

without drilling holes for the bracket. Feel free to be creative with your brackets and

application, while being good and obeying the laws for your state.

My boyfriend wants a new exhaust system. What are the advantages andhow much should he spend?

After-market exhaust systems look cool, sound killer, and will increase horsepower

and torque. The systems have fancy mufflers and tailpipes that either mask sound

or create that deep rumbling, throaty effect. It’s a lot like music—some like classi-

cal, while others prefer rap. A big exhaust company will tailor the system to fit your

individual preferences.

Filthy from work-

ing on a Monte

Carlo during

Overhaulin'.

Hope and Help for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia Diagnosis of Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia 2928

FATIGUE SYNDROME, CHRONIC and click the “go” button.For fibromyalgia information, enter FIBROMYALGIA and click“go.”

Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and PreventionThe CDC provides considerable information about CFS on theirWeb site. Go to their CFS home page at http://www.cdc.gov/nci-dod/diseases/cfs/index.htm

References for MCSReferences for multiple chemical sensitivity can be found at theWeb site at Women’s College Hospital site of Sunny-brook and Women’s College Health Sciences Centre athttp://www.womenshealthmatters.ca. Under the title Women’sHealth Matters, click Enter, then in the topic list on the lefthandside of the page, click Health Centres, then EnvironmentalHealth. CFS, FM, and MCS are all present. Another helpful siteis www.mcs-global.org.

How are CFS/FM and Depression Different?

• Desire and motivation to be active is present in CFS/FM.Depressed patients lose their motivation and can’t get going; theyhave inertia.

• Intensity of pain/fatigue is usually higher in CFS/FM.

• Sudden onset is more common in CFS/FM.

• More severe neurocognitive deficits are seen in CFS/FM.

• Hypersensitivities and numerous bodily symptoms, while presentin depression, are more common to CFS/FM.

• The level of exercise that can improve the mood in depressionmay worsen CFS/FM symptoms.

SOME STATISTICS TO CONSIDER

• 25 percent of all patients in a general practice report fatigueas a symptom.

• 10 to 12 percent of the general population report chronicwidespread pain.

• CFS is present in 522 women per 100,000 and 291 men per100,000.

• FM is present in 3,400 women per 100,000 and 500 menper 100,000.

• AIDS is present in 12 women per 100,000.• Breast cancer is present in 26 per 100,000. • Diabetes is present in 900 women per 100,000.• Heart disease is present in 3,400 women per 100,000.• Arthritis is present in 3,800 women per 100,000.Reference: L. A. Jason et al., Archives in Internal Medicine 159 (Oct 1999):

2129–37.

REFERENCES

National Library of MedicineBy using a MEDLINE search, a comprehensive list of referencesfor CFS/FM can be obtained. MEDLINE accesses the officialonline archives of the National Library of Medicine in theUnited States. This Web site is freely accessible by all users. Goto http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?db=PubMed,the online home of MEDLINE. In the “search for” box enter

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THE BEATLES!

A ONE -N IGHT STAND IN THE HEARTLANDA Collection of Or iginalP h o t o g r a p h s f r o m

A U G U S T

211 9 6 5

Bill CarlsonForeword by Larry Kane

C U M B E R L A N D H O U S ENASHVILLE, TENNESSEE

By all measurements, the sheer volume of information on the Beatles con-

tinues to grow. A conventional Internet search yields nearly four million

websites referring to the Beatles. (Bob Dylan is the next closest with three

million; the Rolling Stones are a distant 1.7 million; Kurt Cobain comes in

at just over 600,000.) RR Bowker, a book industry resource for publishing

data, lists more than one thousand books on the Beatles. The world seems

to need the Beatles now more than ever, thirty-five years after the group

disbanded.

Bill Carlson’s book of photographs from the Beatles’ visit to Minnesota

on August 21, 1965, adds a new chapter to the Beatles story. He brings to

Beatles fans, photography aficionados, and history buffs these previously

unseen photographs, documenting a day in the life of the Beatles on tour.

The Beatles toured in the United States just three times: 1964, 1965, and

1966. And as former Beatles journalist Larry Kane tells it in his recent book,

Ticket to Ride, the Beatles were still having fun in ’65.

Carlson’s The Beatles! A One Night Stand in the Heartland brings

together strands from many remarkable stories: First, the story of the

Beatles themselves as phenomenal artists who changed music and culture

forever, enchanting new generations of young ears with their remarkably

fresh and creative sound. Second, Bill Carlson’s own impressive story, and

how he intersected with the Beatles as they convened on that singular day

in August. And last, the twenty-five thousand or more screaming, shouting,

cheering, swooning, clapping, crying, and singing Minnesotans who were

inspired and transformed by what they experienced that day.

While a high school student, Carlson apprenticed with the prestigious

photographer Merle Morris, whose studio was an affiliate of United Press

International. When the press passes came in through the Telex for the

Beatles’ press conference and concert in Bloomington (the suburb south

of Minneapolis where Metropolitan Stadium, the Twins’ baseball home,

was located), none of the other Morris staff photographers wanted to see

that crazy “kids’ stuff.” So, Carlson claimed a pass, grabbed his Hasselblad

and Nikon cameras, and headed out to Met Stadium, not so much as a

Beatles fan but as a photography-hungry youth, determined to seize every

opportunity to learn and perfect his art form.

His images show the public face of the Beatles at the press conference

as they expertly pose and trade quips with reporters. But Carlson also cap-

tures some candid exchanges, such as B-Sharp Music’s presentation of a

new Rickenbacker twelve-string guitar to George Harrison, a gift that came

to mean quite a bit to the Beatle. And for someone who grew up in the

Twin Cities, Carlson’s scenes of the fans are priceless. They look so young,

hardly even teenagers. And to think that you might even know one of

these young people, boys and girls, and wonder where they are today, is

very touching. His fan shots also put the Minnesota youth on the same

footing as those in London and New York, the more familiar scenes of

Beatlemania, countering the sense, particularly in 1965, that Minnesota

was outside of the cultural hot spots. And Carlson’s long shots of the con-

cert stage recall the security that had to be enforced then, when not even

photographers were allowed on the field. Images of the crowds in the

stands vividly bring back the grandeur of the old stadium, which was torn

down in 1985 to make way for the Mall of America.

There are other books by Beatles photographers. Robert Freeman,

who photographed many album covers for the group, published The

Beatles: A Private View (2003). Harry Benson photographed them on tour

from Paris to Miami, a collection presented in Once There Was a Way

(2003). But there is no other book like Bill Carlson’s that documents one

day, one concert, one place. It was a day that brought high fun and high

xiii

INTRODUCTIONBY COLLEEN SHEEHY

3

Opposite: A young fan reveals her

obvious predilection in welcoming

the famed drummer.

I was fifteen years old and went to the 1965 Beatles concert with my boyfriend, who had to

work tons of hours at the local Perkins as a busboy to earn the money to buy the tickets.

He surprised me with them, and I was, of course, crazy with joy! I always loved Paul the

best, because he was gorgeous and we shared the same birth date (June 18). I remember

that it was an evening concert, and we dressed up for the event. Even though we were

seated high in the stadium, I felt like I was sitting right on the stage. It was thrilling when

the opening act started (Cannibal & the Headhunters doing “Land of a Thousand

Dances”), because we knew we were just that much closer to seeing “The Fab Four!” The

opening act was actually fantastic. I remember thinking that I liked them as well, simply

because I could actually hear them and that they inspired us to dance in our seats. Then

the magic moment arrived, and the Beatles were announced! The lights seemed to

increase, and the roar of screams filled the air. The screams were deafening! The Beatles

came running out and I think they had their guitars in their hands when they climbed on

stage. We could slightly hear them over the screams, but it was a strain. That was forty-one

years ago, and it seems like yesterday . . . I’ll never, ever forget that magic night. Ever. . . .

DEETTA MILLER, MINNEAPOLIS

Looking at Paul McCartney’s face in these Beatles picturesbrings me back to that day in 1965. I was there at that con-cert with my little brother. I remember seeing Paul and theboys enter the stadium. Looking at these pictures of theBeatles allows me to relive those magical moments againand again.

TINA J., EVANSTON, ILLINOIS

I remember all the waiting for the Beatles concert tobegin. I also recall the circulating rumor that if therewas too much screaming, the Beatles would leave. Itmust have been much quieter than what they hadexperienced at other concerts, because I rememberJohn Lennon moving his arms up and down trying toget us to yell louder when they came out.

DEBORAH MALECHA, ISANTI, MINNESOTA

S FAR BACK AS I can remember, I wanted to be a writer. My mother oncetold me that I was writing my numbers when I was two years old and readingby the time I was four. She was my first teacher, and when I started gradeschool I knew the first-grade primer by heart.

I kept a journal, and in it I wrote of whatever I found of interest during theday. Here is a page I came across not long ago:

Undated. Today it rained and we all had to stay in the house. It wasn’t muchfun until Marion decided we would catch some birds. She got this old boxfrom Luke Snead and set it up in the yard under the maple tree. Shepropped up one end of the box with a stick and tied a string to one end ofthe stick so she could pull it from where we were all hiding by the kitchendoor. Under the box she put some stale bread and then we all waited andwatched for the birds to come.

A cardinal showed up first. He saw the bread but he wouldn’t go inthere. Once he kind of poked his head in and Bill kept hollering for Marionto pull the string and she kept hollering for him to shut up. Then the car-dinal flew off and Marion blamed Bill and he started crying and sayingcurse words and Mama came in and said, “Lord, what are y’all children upto now?”

Marion said we were catching birds and Mama said that was all rightas long as we didn’t kill any and let them go after we looked at them.

After a while about a million gold finches showed up and swarmedaround the box, just showed up out of nowhere. They walked around thebox for a while just looking at the bread crumbs. After a while one of themwalked in.

Bill yelled “Pull the string!” Marion pulled it, but the goldfinch flewaway before the box fell on him. We watched him fly to the crab apple treeand the rest of them were roosting up there too.

Marion got mad and there was a fight between her and Bill and whileI was trying to break up the fight all the birds flew away.

1 9

Chapter Two

A Writer in the Family}A

Earl growing up in Schuyler, Virginia, circa 1929.

cut back his late-night chores to Wednesday through Friday until he left Tonight! Aseries of guest hosts filled in the remaining days until the brilliant TV pioneer ErnieKovacs accepted the position as permanent guest host for Allen’s nights off.

“For most of his laughs,” wrote TV historian Bart Andrews, “Steve Allen relied onhis guests. They were his springboard to humor. Once one of them showed up with afew live ducks in a wading pool, so Steve went wading too.

“When two old ladies in his Tonight! audience kept talking noisily to each otherduring the performance, Steve turned the problem into a plus. He recalls: ‘I think theheart of all humor is something going wrong. So I slanted all my talk that night tothese two old ladies. I could have had a page throw them out, but instead I made thema part of the show.’”

Allen boldly introduced to his audience a string of new talent, including LennyBruce, Shelly Berman, and JonathanWinters. Above all, with his wide-rang-ing improvisational skills that are stillgreatly imitated and adapted by DavidLetterman, Allen pulled in a sizableaudience during his tenure as host, andhe became a television superstar.

Actor Tony Randall recalls SteveAllen’s show with fondness as hedescribes one of his guest-hosting stints:“In those days, it was live, and the showwas two hours and fifteen minuteslong,” he explains. “I was playing inInherit the Wind at the BroadwayTheater on Forty-first Street, andTonight! was from the Hudson Theateron Forty-fourth Street. My curtain camedown at 11:15 and the Tonight! showbegan at 11:15 P.M. There was no way toget a limo or cab through those streetsat that hour when all the theaters wereletting out. There was only one way todo it, and that was to run, literally run,through the streets. The announcer, BillWendell, would cover for me until I gotthere,” Randall says, laughing. “A coupleof times they had the cameras out thereon the streets so the audience could see

The Evolution of The Tonight Show 33

Carson’s “Carnac, the Magnificent.”Within a year, Allen was riding highon the popularity of his hit and newlymarried to actress Jayne Meadows(sister of Audrey Meadows).

There were guest stars onTonight! with Allen, in addition tosemi-regulars such as Gene Rayburn(who went on to host the popular TVgame show The Match Game), Steve

Lawrence, Eydie Gorme, AndyWilliams, Skitch Henderson and

his Orchestra, Hy Averback, andannouncer Bill Wendell. Some ofthe fresh performers who

appeared with Allen early in their career were Louis Nye, Don Knotts, Tom Poston, theSmothers Brothers, Bill Dana, Don Adams, Jim Nabors, Tim Conway, and JackieMason, to name but a few.

As Allen’s popularity grew, so did his value to NBC. Allen had many projectsgoing on simultaneously, and he eventually starred in a weekly prime-time series forthe network as well. For several months in 1956, Allen was hosting the ninety-minuteTonight! show as well as an hour-long Sunday evening prime-time comedy program,The Steve Allen Show, and he somehow found time to star as the King of Swing in thedramatic motion picture The Benny Goodman Story for Universal. Allen was caught ina web of hectic schedules, conflicting engagements, and just plain exhaustion, so he

Here’s Johnny!32

NBC’s Tonight! with host Steve Allen broadcast live inNew York from 11:20 P.M. to 1 A.M. “This show will go on

forever,” Allen groaned to the audience on his first night.Allen was referring to the late hour, but he might as well

have been predicting the series’ longevity. “You think you’retired now, wait till one o’clock in the morning rolls around.”

Allen’s show set the standard for what is still broadcast onlate-night TV: the opening monologue; the familiar talk show

set with a desk and city skyline mural behind it; the improvisedbits and sprints out into the streets of Manhattan—the trade-

marks were all built here.

Steve Allen and bandleader Skitch Henderson rehearse an outdoorbit in New York City for Tonight!

THE MONOLOGUE:

“THAT’S GOOD STUFF”

2

An animated moment during of one of his earliest Tonight Show monologues, circa 1962.

57

Back in the hills, Jed first tried to lure Granny to Beverly Hills by assuring her she could runher still year ‘round in California.

Granny: I run it year ‘round here.Jed: Yeah, but walkin’ down to the still through the snow always makes you feel miserable.Granny: I might feel miserable walkin’ down . . . but the way I feels comin’ back makes up for

it!

As the cliche says, much of life imitates art. And Irene Ryan mirrored Granny in many ways,including the jug. “She loved her Scotch,” says Kingsley Colton. “With lunch she usuallyenjoyed a martini, but like clockwork, come 5 P.M., it was Scotch time.” Max Baer said therewere times when he’d tell her “she’d been drinking too many martinis and she’d better brushher goddamned teeth. And then she’d get into a scene and she’d hit me with a real paninstead of a phony one.”

Granny’s equipment formakin’ the white-mule. . . the Tennessee tranquilizer . . . therheumatiz medicine.

56

“The Jug”* * *

White Lightnin’. Mountain dew. Corn renderins. Moonshine. White Mule. Mash. It all lookedlike pure, clear branch water, but Granny’s potent private stock had set so long it was good foronly two things: drinkin’ and blastin’ stumps.

Like many mountain folk, Granny had a secret recipe for her illegally distilled whiskey.Nobody knew the exact ingredients, and after a few slugs, nobody cared. Two gallons wasenough for a whole barndance; two sips wasenough for whateverailed ya. Spring tonicswere her specialty.

Of course, Grannyclaimed her nippin’ wasfor health reasons. It washer “rheumatiz medi-cine.” She admitted itwouldn’t cure rheuma-tism . . . “but it’ll makeya happy ya got it!”

Granny found anyexcuse to have a nip, butshe reassured Jed, “Thisis strictly for medicinalpurposes—I can feel therheumatiz burnin’ its wayup my legs. I gotta builda firebreak across mystomach.”

Granny sniffs some of herpowerful stump water to seeif it’s ripe.

Donna Douglas didmore for blue jeans in7 months than cow-boys did in 110 years.

—TV GuideDouglas was more thanjust window dressing onthe show and she knew it, but thepress put her on a pedestal asTV’s newest sex symbol andproudly splashed those baby-blues on countless magazine cov-ers. In 1963, the SaturdayEvening Post added: “MissDouglas, the former hot-pepper-eating champion of Baywood,Louisiana, has proved a prettyhot number in a pair of tight-fitting Levis. Her personal arse-nal includes a seductive drawl,such tomboy skills as reliefpitching for the ParamountStudio softball team andwhistling through her teeth forcabs . . .

“Elly May’s attraction liesin her intriguing combinationof a 36-23-36 figure and herpose of virgin-pure sexualinnocence.”

says. She was married a second time, toHillbillies director Bob Leeds, for a few yearsafter the show’s nine-year reign, but theydivorced around 1980. Leeds died in 1993.

Today, Donna travels, occasionally doesa bit of country singing, and hopes to com-plete a second gospel album. On talk showsin the 1990s, she held up a new Elly May dollthat she marketed, and she was also pro-moting a product called “Critter Cologne”—a perfume for cats and dogs that goes forfifty dollars a bottle.

She loves to work with young people andspeaks frequently at church groups andChristian assemblies. Beneath her auto-graph she usually inscribes her favoriteBible passage, Proverbs 3:5–6: “Trust in theLord with all thine heart; and lean not untothine own understanding. In all thy waysacknowledge him, and he shall direct thypaths.” This perfectly describes her faithand she’s never shy about mentioning it. “Icare about young people,” she says. “Youcan’t just receive; you have to give back.”

Donna still loves to be recognized as EllyMay. Now in her sixties, and a gentle sixtiesat that, she makes appearances around thecountry dressed in the familiar pink-check-ered shirt and rope-tied blue jeans. She canstill belt out a whistle through her teeth witha shrill blast that could peel the bark off acottonwood tree at three hundred paces.

Raymond Bailey—“Milburn Drysdale”

As a young man, Raymond Bailey aspired tobe a banker or a stockbroker, but after work-ing in these fields, he deserted high financefor a career as an actor. Ironically, manyyears later, he would become America’smost famous banker and one of the all-time

classic cheapskates. The road betweenBailey’s two banking jobs was a long one,and it took him around the world severaltimes and into various lines of work.

Bailey was born in San Francisco on May6, 1905. Not much is known about his earlychildhood. He always preferred to speak ofhis life after high school, when he took off toHollywood to become an actor.

He landed a job as a laborer at a moviestudio when he arrived in Hollywood in thedays of silent films. He hoped to be discov-ered by a director or producer, but insteadhe was fired for attempting to sneak into amob scene. He then hitchhiked to New Yorkto experience a stage career, but he had noluck there either.

Young Bailey, “penniless and hungry,”his CBS biography reports, “shipped out as amess boy on a freighter bound for SanFrancisco.” He spent the next few years atsea as a deckhand, seaman, and quarter-master, traveling to China, Japan, thePhilippines, Hawaii, and the Mediterranean.

During the Depression, he becamebored with the voyages and attempted totackle Hollywood once again without suc-cess. He worked at a variety of odd places,including a pineapple plantation and ashipping firm, then decided to try out forcommunity theater in Hawaii. Finally, hisacting career began with a few roles in trav-eling stock companies. When Baileyreturned to Hollywood in 1938, he launchedhis film career at Warner Brothers with, ashe put it, “several unspectacular parts inseveral unspectacular movies.” His first rolewas in Blackwell’s Island with John Garfield.

Bailey felt his more important moviecredits included Picnic, No Time forSergeants, Underwater Warrior, and AlCapone. He also successfully tackled

Jed and All His Kin

79

“Donna’s just a baby . . . basically a simple,straightforward person, but I always havethe feeling that she goes home and studiesand figures it all out.”

TV Star Parade magazine asked anotherHillbillies crew member about Douglas’schild. “I’ve never asked Donna about her

boy,” said the crew member. “It would berubbing salt in the wound. There has

been a firm lid on any personalpublicity for her and yet she’snever denied her kid. She wouldn’tthink of it. When she can take aweekend and fly home to seehim, she comes back a differentgirl.”

Donna Douglas was one ofthe busiest of the cast mem-

bers, constantly traveling outof state and out of the coun-

try doing publicity choresfor the show’s benefit. Shereceived most of the fanmail during the show’snine years, and todaythere are men in theirforties who tell her shewas part of their fantasyworld as they trudgedthrough puberty.

During the 1970s,the only thing the pub-lic heard about prettyDonna Douglas wasthat she was workingin real estate inCalifornia. That wasold news. “I beganworking in real estatein 1974 after the showended, for about fouror five years,” she

The Beverly Hillbillies

78

ears ago, there was a celebrated hillbilly named Jim Owen. He was short, stocky, balding, quite well-educated, not the typicalAppalachian hillbilly you might expect. Ol’ Jim Owen became knownas “King of the River” in parts of the Midwest where his tales of fishingtook on a life of their own. Paul Henning described the humorist fromMissouri as a “hillbilly by choice,” who was converted to devout hill-billy when he spent time fishing on the White (now Table Rock) Riverin the Ozarks. The outdoorsman’s wonderful anecdotes, originally toldto amuse other fisherman on float trips, were brought back toHollywood by Owen’s fishing buddies, who included Gene Autry,Charlton Heston, and Forrest Tucker. Owen became a midwest home-spun humorist with articles about him and by him featured in Life,Look, and the Saturday Evening Post . . . as well as newspapers acrossthe land.

Owen was retired by the time he and Paul Henning becamefriends, but as Henning didn’t mind admitting, Owen had unknow-ingly been contributing to his Beverly Hillbillies television show foryears, as Henning had applied many of the humorist’s expressions andobservations to the vernacular of Jed, Granny, and the rest. Henningexplained later, “It’s hard to beat the combination of wit and sagacityin some of those hillbilly expressions . . . in fact, as Jim would say, ‘It’s

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A Heapin’ Helpin’ of Hillbilly History

8

Y

A hillbilly couple went on their honeymoon and werereally having a nice time, so they decided to stay anotherweek. The groom wired his dad, “It’s wonderful here.Please send fifty dollars.” The old man wired back, “Comeon home, it’s good any place.”

—JIM OWEN

Above: Elvis plays a dual role—soldier and identical hillbillykin—in Kissin’ Cousins (1964).Pratfalls, music, and moonshine!Yeehaw! Right: Somehow, theMonkees get caught in the mid-dle of a madcap family feud inthe episode “HillbillyHoneymoon”(1967). Billie Hayes(here as the pipe-smokin’granny) poses with teen idol andMonkee Davy Jones. (Courtesyof Kevin Marhanka)