Grief and Loss Handbook - Lake · PDF fileGrief and Loss Handbook Lake County School Board...
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Grief and Loss Handbook Lake County School Board Susan Moxley, Ed.D. Superintendent Jay Marshall Director, Student Services Jan Tobias Administrative Coordinator, Student Services Mary Minich Program Specialist, Student Services Linda Wice, Ed.S., NCSP School Psychologist August, 2010 Student Services 512 South Palm Avenue Howey-in-the-Hills, FL 34737
Transcript of Grief and Loss Handbook - Lake · PDF fileGrief and Loss Handbook Lake County School Board...
Grief and Loss Handbook
Lake County School Board
Susan Moxley, Ed.D.
Superintendent
Jay Marshall
Director, Student Services
Jan Tobias
Administrative Coordinator, Student Services
Mary Minich
Program Specialist, Student Services
Linda Wice, Ed.S., NCSP
School Psychologist
August, 2010
Student Services
512 South Palm Avenue
Howey-in-the-Hills, FL 34737
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
TABLE OF CONTENTS ................................................................................................... 2
INTRODUCTION............................................................................................................... 6
A FRAMEWORK FOR GRIEF AND LOSS COUNSELING ....................................... 6
CRISIS, TRAUMATIC EVENT, POST TRAUMATIC STRESS, DEATH,
BEREAVEMENT, AND GRIEF ....................................................................................... 7
Crisis ............................................................................................................................... …..7
Traumatic Event .................................................................................................................... 8
Post-Traumatic Stress ........................................................................................................... 8
Death ..................................................................................................................................... 9
Bereavement ......................................................................................................................... 9
Grief ...................................................................................................................................... 9
DEVELOPMENTAL STAGES OF GRIEF ..................................................................... 9
Infancy .................................................................................................................................. 9
Pre-School Age (2 ½ to 5 Years) ........................................................................................ 10
School Age .......................................................................................................................... 10
FIVE EMOTIONS THROUGH WHICH PEOPLE MAY PASS WHEN
CONFRONTED WITH DEATH .................................................................................... 11
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross - Framework of Grief ..................................................................... 12
GUIDELINES FOR HELPING SOMEONE WHO IS GRIEVING ........................... 14
How to Converse/Comfort Grieving People ....................................................................... 14
How to Comfort Children Who Grieve .............................................................................. 15
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Emotional First-Aid ............................................................................................................ 15
STUDENTS WHO ARE CONSIDERED “HIGH-RISK” FOR
COMPLICATED GRIEF ................................................................................................ 16
Problematic Expressions of Grief ....................................................................................... 16
Factors Which Indicate “High-Risk” for Complicated Grief ............................................. 16
WORKING WITH THE MEDIA ................................................................................... 17
CAMPUS SECURITY ...................................................................................................... 19
EMERGENCY CHECKOUT PLAN .............................................................................. 19
PRINCIPAL’S ROLE ...................................................................................................... 19
Pre-Planning Phase ............................................................................................................. 20
Protocol Implementation (Crisis has occurred) .................................................................. 20
Post Implementation Follow-up .......................................................................................... 24
ROLE OF THE CRISIS MANAGEMENT TEAM LEADER AND OTHER
TEAM MEMBERS ........................................................................................................... 24
GUIDANCE AND ITINERANT STAFF ROLES ......................................................... 25
TEACHER’S ROLE ......................................................................................................... 27
ROLE OF CLASSIFIED STAFF .................................................................................... 29
PARENT COMMUNICATIONS .................................................................................... 30
Guidelines for Parent Communications by Phone .............................................................. 30
Guidelines for Parent Communications in Writing ............................................................ 30
Guidelines for Parent Meetings .......................................................................................... 30
COPING WITH A SUICIDAL DEATH......................................................................... 31
A Parent’s Perspective Following the Suicide of Their Son............................................... 32
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GRIEF SUPPORT GROUPS........................................................................................... 34
Some Ideas/Suggestions...................................................................................................... 34
Parent Referrals for Counseling .......................................................................................... 35
FUNERAL SERVICES AND MEMORIALS ................................................................ 35
Guidelines Regarding the Funeral ...................................................................................... 35
APPENDIX A: REPRODUCIBLE HANDOUT FOR TEACHERS............................ 37
Helping Your Students Deal with Grief and Loss .............................................................. 37
Teachers' Role ................................................................................................................. 37
Specific Information for Elementary Teachers ................................................................... 38
APPENDIX B: CLASSROOM ACTIVITIES HANDOUT .......................................... 39
Activities for Children by Age ............................................................................................ 39
Birth to 2 years ................................................................................................................ 39
Preschool and Kindergarten ............................................................................................ 39
School Age (7 to 12 years).............................................................................................. 39
Middle School to High School (12 to 18 years) ............................................................. 39
Other Ways of Expressing Loss .......................................................................................... 39
APPENDIX C: SAMPLE LETTERS, MEMORANDUMS, AND NOTICES ............ 40
Letters to Parents................................................................................................................. 40
Sample A: General .......................................................................................................... 40
Sample B: General .......................................................................................................... 41
Sample C: Death by Suicide, Homicide, or Tragic Accident ......................................... 42
Memoranda to Faculty ........................................................................................................ 43
Sample A: Announcing a Suspected, but Unconfirmed, Death by Suicide .................... 43
Sample B: Announcing a Death by Suicide that Occurred Over the Summer
Break ............................................................................................................................... 44
Sample C: Announcing an Accidental Death ................................................................. 45
Sample D: Announcing the Death of a Teacher to Students .......................................... 46
Notices ................................................................................................................................ 47
Sample A: Announcing a Death by Suicide to the Student Body................................... 47
Sample B: Postvention Counseling Group ..................................................................... 48
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APPENDIX D: REPRODUCIBLE STAFF CHECKLISTS ......................................... 49
D1: Principal Checklist ....................................................................................................... 49
D2: Crisis Management Team Leader Checklist ................................................................ 51
D3: Guidance and Itinerant Staff Checklist ........................................................................ 52
D4: Teacher Checklist......................................................................................................... 53
APPENDIX E: GRIEF AND LOSS RESOURCES ....................................................... 54
Recommended Reading ...................................................................................................... 54
For Children .................................................................................................................... 54
For Teens ........................................................................................................................ 56
For Parents ...................................................................................................................... 56
Pet Loss ........................................................................................................................... 58
For Schools ..................................................................................................................... 58
BIBLIOGRAPHY ............................................................................................................. 60
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Introduction
Principals, teachers, and guidance counselors often feel ill-prepared to address a
death of a student or faculty member. This manual and its guidelines are intended
to assist principals and their staff in meaningfully responding to an event with the
potential to profoundly affect the school and its surrounding community.
When requested by a building principal, a Student Services Administrator
provides support to the school-based Crisis Management Team in their efforts to
aid members of their school community to deal with a loss. Typically, school
wide-loss may include the death of a student or teacher.
As envisioned, the school-based Crisis Management Team would handle most
situations as they arise. Once a building framework is in place, this Grief and Loss
Manual can provide added details and guidance on specific issues as they arise. It
provides suggestions for best practices. It is suggested that each school review the
information contained herein and make necessary changes to its school-based plan
so that campus needs are addressed. If it happens that the loss necessitates extra
assistance, the Student Services Department is prepared to provide that help on
request.
A separate district response team is prepared to assist in the event of a critical
incident. A critical incident is defined as any unplanned event that can cause
significant injury to employees, students, visitors, or the public or that can shut
down a school, disrupt operations, cause physical or environmental damage, or
threaten the campus operational standing or public image. In the event of a critical
incident, refer to the current Lake County Schools’ Emergency Response and
Crisis Management Plan.
A Framework for Grief and Loss Counseling
As first responders to grief and loss or bereavement situations in our schools, we
should see the bereaved persons we serve and counsel as our teachers. They
should be allowed to teach us what their experience is, rather than us constructing
some set of goals and expectations that we expect them to meet and achieve. We
should not see ourselves as the experts on anyone’s grief, but meet those grieving
without expectations about what they should be feeling or what should necessarily
happen. There are no experts in bereavement counseling.
The Companioning Model of Bereavement Caregiving stipulates that we, as grief
and loss caregivers, help people to integrate life’s losses by being present to them
and observing them – companioning.
Companioning is about honoring the spirit; it is not about focusing on the
intellect.
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Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them.
Companioning is about walking alongside; it is not about leading.
Companioning is about discovering the gifts of silence; it is not about
filling every painful moment with words.
Companioning is about listening with the heart; it is not about analyzing
with the head.
Companioning is about bearing witness to the struggles of others; it is not
about directing those struggles.
Companioning is about being present to another person’s pain; it is not
about taking the pain away.
Companioning is about respecting turmoil and uncertainty; it is not about
imposing order and logic.
As helpers in our schools, therefore, we need to
Listen in a supportive manner to students’ concerns.
Help survivors recognize that, in most cases, their emotional reactions are
natural, normal, and to be expected.
Help students to reduce added stress by organizing and prioritizing day-to-
day and recovery-related tasks.
Help students to understand and recognize the wide range of reactions to
trauma, such as numbness, frustration, confusion, anger, anxiety, sadness,
and feelings of helplessness.
Assist students to draw on their own strengths and develop vigorous
coping mechanisms that allow them to steadily resume their pre-disaster
level of functioning.
Thoughtfully and caringly help students to grieve their losses in their own
unique ways.
Systematically draw upon a range of recovery assets for appropriate
referrals.
Crisis, Traumatic Event, Post Traumatic Stress, Death,
Bereavement, and Grief
Crisis
The death of a school community member can be a crisis event. A crisis is defined
as a state of emotional turmoil. Emotional crises have four characteristics:
1. They are sudden.
2. The "normal" method of coping with stress failed.
3. They are short in duration. Most crises last from twenty-four to thirty-six
hours and rarely for longer than six weeks.
4. They have the potential to produce dangerous, self-destructive, or socially
unacceptable behavior.
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Traumatic Event
A death of a school community member is a traumatic event if the impact on the
students and staff is sufficient enough to overwhelm the usual effective coping
skills. Traumatic events are typically sudden, powerful events which are outside
the range of ordinary human experiences. Because of the suddenness of the event,
even well-trained, experienced people can experience a sense of strong emotions.
To determine the degree of trauma following a death, three variables are generally
considered:
1. Who - The number of people the person who has died knew and his/her
length of time at the school.
2. How - The circumstances of the death (suicide or murder generally result
in more trauma than death by natural causes.)
3. Where - A death at school, or to and from school and school-related
activities, generally results in more trauma.
Post-Traumatic Stress
Under limited circumstances, some students may experience post-traumatic stress
as a result of a traumatic event. Post-traumatic stress is a condition which is
precipitated by an event beyond the range of typical experience. A student who
has, for example, suffered repeated losses in their life may experience post-
traumatic stress upon the death of a friend. Also, students may experience post-
traumatic stress if a catastrophe has occurred at school (i.e., shooting of teacher or
students, natural disasters, etc.).
Symptoms of post-traumatic stress include:
re-experiencing the traumatic event,
avoidance of stimuli the person associates with the traumatic event,
numbing of general responsiveness, and
a pattern of distressful behavior which lasts longer than one month.
As with any severe anxiety, a helper can assist by:
Providing a safe and supportive environment.
Reassuring the student that the reaction is a natural occurrence to the
event.
Helping the student discharge "pent-up" pain.
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Often times, counseling groups provide the most support for the individual,
particularly adolescents. The ideal group size is from six-to-eight members. The
group sessions should be time-limited with the purpose of providing mutual
support and understanding as each group member deals with his/her reactions to
the traumatic event.
Death
The sudden loss of a student or adult in the school system is a tragic event and can
be a point of crisis for the school system. The school community's response to the
death situation will set the stage for how well people cope with the loss. The best
approach to a death is to acknowledge the death, encourage people to express
their emotions and feelings, and provide adequate supportive assistance and
counseling.
Bereavement
Bereavement is the process of grieving. The process is unique for each person and
may last from six months to two years.
Grief
Grief is the sorrow, emotions, and confusion we experience as a result of the
death of someone important to us. Grief is mourning the loss of that person and
mourning for ourselves. All people grieve differently, depending upon their own
life experiences. However, all grief is painful, and like all other pain, the body's
first reaction to grief may be a feeling of numbness as if one were in shock.
Grief at Developmental Ages
Infancy
When a family member dies, an infant may receive less physical/loving care as a
result of his/her caregiver's grieving. The infant may react to this situation
physically by crying more than usual and not being easily soothed, developing
slight skin rashes, or clinging to caregivers. Generally, these behaviors tend to be
short-term and will diminish as caregivers are again able to focus normal attention
on their infant.
If a grieving caregiver requests help, he/she can be advised to:
Spend some time each day in a nurturing, soothing manner with the infant.
Keep the infant's routine as consistent as possible.
Let other nurturing family members help with care giving.
Allow others to help with household tasks in order to free up needed time.
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Pre-School Age (2 ½ to 5 Years)
Preschoolers do not understand that death is permanent. They view it as reversible
and temporary. Death may be confused with sleeping, or being merely absent for
a time. Children at this age are egocentric. They often perceive death as a
punishment for something they did wrong or caused because they had previously
wished the person dead. Sometimes, death is thought of as violent. Children also
sometimes think they might catch the condition which caused the death.
Preschoolers may exhibit the following behaviors upon the death of a parent, peer,
or other loved one:
May show little concern at times.
Bedwetting, thumb sucking, baby talk, fear of the dark.
Fear of separating from significant others.
May need to talk about death a lot. These repetitions make it real for the
child, and he/she may say things, such as, "Ben can't use his dump truck
anymore because he's dead."
Adults can do the following to help pre-school children cope with death:
Keep explanations short, simple, and truthful. The explanations may need
to be frequently repeated.
Encourage all adults in the school to use terms dead/death and not phrases
of passed away, sleeping, resting, or taken from us.
Tell them what to expect regarding the funeral and grieving parents/family.
Explain to them how things might look and what might happen.
Reassure them by adhering to routines, activities, and schedules as much
as possible.
School Age
From five to nine years of age (5 to 9 years), children begin to perceive
death as possible for others but not for them.
Between nine to eleven years (9 to 11 years), children perceive death as
including them. Death is becoming more real, final, universal, and
inevitable. Children may show interest in the biological aspects of death
and want to know details of the funeral.
Adolescents (12 to 18 years) will frequently have encountered several
situations of loss in addition to death. These losses may include separation
from friends, separation and/or divorce of parents, etc. Often deaths of
friends, relatives, or acquaintances will trigger feelings of unresolved
grief. Adolescents frequently respond to death very intensely.
Developmentally, the adolescent is searching for explanations regarding
all aspects of life which includes death. Many "why" questions are asked
which often cannot be adequately answered by adults.
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School-age children and adolescents may show these behaviors:
crying and/or sobbing
anxiety
headaches
abdominal pain
denial of death
hostile reaction toward deceased
guilt
failure to complete homework
poor grades
lack of attention and concentration
loss of manual skills
fear of maintaining bonds of friendship; concern they might lose another
friend
Adults can help school-age children and adolescents by:
providing answers for the questions asked,
physically and verbally comforting students - acknowledging their pain,
flexing the student's schedule as needed,
making referrals to appropriate counseling resources, and
admitting that adults do not always know why certain events happen.
Five Emotions Through Which People May Pass When
Confronted With Death
Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her seminal book On Death & Dying published in
1969, pioneered methods in the support and counseling of personal trauma, grief
and grieving, associated with death and dying. She also dramatically improved the
understanding and practices in relation to bereavement and hospice care. Her
ideas, notably the five stages of grief model (denial, anger, bargaining, depression,
acceptance), have evolved over the years. Russell Friedman and John W. James,
founders of the Grief Recovery Institute, state “We understand that people
engulfed in the aftermath of loss want to know what to expect and how long it
will last. Such questions can never be satisfactorily answered. Since every griever
is unique, there are no pat answers about grief. As much effort as we’ve put in to
refuting the stages, Kübler-Ross herself rebuts them better than we can in the
opening paragraph of On Grief and Grieving, coauthored with David Kessler and
published shortly after her death in 2004:
“The stages have evolved since their introduction, and they have been very
misunderstood over the past three decades. They were never meant to help
tuck messy emotions into neat packages. They are responses to loss that
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many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no
typical loss. Our grief is as individual as our lives. Not everyone goes
through all of them or goes in a prescribed order.”
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross - Framework of Grief
Also known as the ‘grief cycle’, it is important to bear in mind that Kübler-Ross
did not intend this to be a rigid series of sequential or uniformly timed steps. It’s
not a process as such; it’s a model or a framework. There is a subtle difference: a
process implies something quite fixed and consistent; a model is less specific -
more of a shape or guide. By way of example, people do not always experience
all of the five ‘grief cycle’ stages. Some stages might be revisited. Some stages
might not be experienced at all. Transition between stages can be more of ebb and
flow, rather than a progression. The five stages are not linear; neither are they
equal in their experience. People’s grief, and other reactions to emotional trauma,
is as individual as a fingerprint.
In this sense you might wonder what the purpose of the model is if it can vary so
much from person to person. An answer is that the model acknowledges there can
be an individual pattern of reactive emotional responses which people feel when
coming to terms with death, bereavement, and great loss or trauma, etc. The
model recognizes that people have to pass through their own individual journey of
coming to terms with death and bereavement, etc., after which there is generally
an acceptance of reality, which then enables the person to cope.
The model is perhaps a way of explaining how and why ‘time heals’, or how ‘life
goes on’. And as with any aspect of our own or other people’s emotions, when we
know more about what is happening, then dealing with it is usually made a little
easier.
Grief is the normal and natural emotional response to loss. Stage theories put
grieving people in conflict with their emotional reactions to losses that affect
them. No matter how much people want to create simple, iron clad guidelines for
the human emotions of grief, there are no stages of grief that fit every person or
relationship.
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EKR stage
(Elisabeth Kübler-
Ross) Interpretation
1 - Denial
Denial is a conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts,
information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned.
It’s a defense mechanism and perfectly natural. Some people
can become locked in this stage when dealing with a
traumatic change that can be ignored. Death of course is not
particularly easy to avoid or evade indefinitely.
2 - Anger
Anger can manifest in different ways. People dealing with
emotional upset can be angry with themselves, and/or with
others, especially those close to them. Knowing this helps
keep detached and non-judgmental when experiencing the
anger of someone who is very upset.
3 - Bargaining
Traditionally the bargaining stage for people facing death can
involve attempting to bargain with whatever God the person
believes in. People facing less serious trauma can bargain or
seek to negotiate a compromise. For example “Can we still
be friends...” when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely
provides a sustainable solution, especially if it’s a matter of
life or death.
4 - Depression
Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it’s the
dress rehearsal or the practice run for the ‘aftermath’
although this stage means different things depending on
whom it involves. It’s a sort of acceptance with emotional
attachment. It’s natural to feel sadness and regret, fear,
uncertainty, etc. It shows that the person has at least begun to
accept the reality.
5 - Acceptance
Again this stage definitely varies according to the person’s
situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is
some emotional detachment and objectivity. People dying
can enter this stage a long time before the people they leave
behind, who must necessarily pass through their own
individual stages of dealing with the grief.
(Based on the Grief Cycle model first published in On Death & Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-
Ross, 1969. Interpretation by Alan Chapman 2006-08.)
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Guidelines for Helping Someone Who Is Grieving
How to Converse/Comfort Grieving People
Friends, relatives, and neighbors are usually supportive at the time of a death and
during the wake and funeral that follows. Food, flowers, and physical presents are
among many thoughtful expressions given by those who offer support. But after
the funeral, many grieving people wonder where their friends are. In some ways
they need support and caring from their friends even more when the reality hits
and the long process of grief begins. Ways of helping grieving people are as
limitless as your imagination. Some suggestions are:
"I'm sorry" or "I care" is all that is necessary to say; a squeeze of the hand,
a hug, a kiss can express the “words” without actually having to verbally
say them.
Don't say: "You will get over it in time." They will never stop missing the
person who died. Time may soften the hurt, but it will not just go away.
There will always be a scar.
Listen, listen, listen. Talking about the pain slowly lessens its sting. Most
bereaved persons need to talk. It is helpful for someone to listen. Try to
become an effective listener.
Encourage expressions of specific feelings: anger, guilt, frustration,
confusion, depression, hate.
Be patient. Mourning takes time. People need you. Stand by them for as
long as possible. There is no timetable for grief. Do not give a pep talk or
suggest a timetable.
Talk about the good memories. They help the healing process.
Suggest that grieving people take part in support groups. Sharing similar
experiences helps healing.
“Be there,” saying "I'm sorry" and helping in practical ways.
Sincerely ask, "How are you doing?" Bereaved persons can tell if you
want to hear "fine" or if you really want to know.
Help the bereaved to eliminate expectations as to how they should feel and
when they will be healed.
Be approachable, aware, and interested. Extend an invitation to an event or
dinner. Don’t forget the person after time has passed.
Be accepting of the person, of his/her feelings, his/her confusion. Give a
gift such as a collection of poems or donate a book to the library in the
name of the deceased
Acts of thoughtfulness include: a note, a visit, a plant, a helpful book, a
plate of cookies, a phone call, or an invitation to lunch or to go shopping
or to get a cup of coffee, etc.
Keep shared information confidential unless there is deep concern
regarding the person. Then seek help from Student Services personnel.
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Specific Ideas To Comfort Children Who Grieve
1. Give time: Spend time with the child walking, reading, and talking. Spend
some time with them away from the group.
2. Listen: Be sure to have good eye contact. Use simple, direct words. Let
them be mad or express other feelings.
3. Explain things: Give information about what's going to happen. Keep any
promises made. Be as predictable as possible.
Emotional First-Aid
During the first few days following the death of a student or adult in the school
community, each adult will be responsible for administering emotional first aid to
those in distress. The goal of emotional first-aid is to give people permission to
express their emotions during this time of acute distress. Emotional first-aid is the
freely giving of support without becoming invasive.
When administered through words, keep your words simple and be brief.
Use simple questions. “Can I help?"
Use simple suggestions. “It’s okay to let it out."
Use simple comments. "It must really hurt." "You must feel very badly."
During the grief process, a person may quickly switch emotions. The primary
shift in emotions is from crying to anger. Encourage the person to express his/her
anger without pushing it to the point of rage. The best way to be encouraging is to
accept the person's feelings of anger.
When administering emotional first aid, don't push the contact with the grieving
person. Take "no" for an answer. If you are concerned about the well being of the
person, stay nearby, find them something to drink, or make some gesture of caring
for his/her well being.
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Students Who Are Considered “High-Risk” for
Complicated Grief
Problematic Expressions of Grief
People grieve in different ways. Occasionally, a student or adult may grieve in a
manner that potentially could be harmful to the person. When administering
emotional first-aid, be aware of the following problematic expressions of grief:
Acting Out - Getting "carried away" by an enthusiastic expression of grief.
Take the person's grief seriously and consult a Crisis Management Team
member.
Self Pity - This is a normal part of grief but at times becomes problematic
in that it can bring out anger in the helper. The helper needs to restrain
his/her emotions but still be guided by his/her feelings.
Freezing - This can be a serious situation. This is when the grieving person
has no affective response. If attempts to communicate with the person fail,
remain with the person and have someone get help.
Endless Hysterical Sobbing - Be patient with the person; the sobbing will
stop when the person is exhausted. Make the person as comfortable as
possible, usually covering with a blanket.
Self-Destructive Behavior - In rare instances, the person may become self-
destructive by running around the room, crashing into objects. You may
have to encourage the person to yell instead, restrain without harming, etc.
Do not leave the person, but get additional help as quickly as possible.
Factors Which Indicate “High-Risk” for Complicated Grief
“High-risk” students need to be identified and offered help. These students
include anyone who:
Participated in any way with a suicide or accident.
Knew of the suicide attempt or potential attempt and didn't try to stop it.
Feels guilty about things they said or did to the deceased prior to the
death.
Had recently punished or threatened to punish the deceased for some
misdeed; did not take a suicide threat seriously, or had been too busy to
talk to a victim who asked for help.
Is a relative, best friend, self-appointed ‘therapist’; or was mentioned in a
suicide note.
Identifies with the victim's situation; has a history of suicidal threats or
attempts; is desperate and now considers suicide a viable alternative.
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Check in with students who are considered to be “high-risk” for complicated grief
reactions on a regular basis, particularly at “high-risk” times. “High-risk” times
include: anniversaries of a previous death, birthdays, holidays, expected
graduation dates, etc. of the deceased student, and the “high-risk” student's own
birthday.
Working with the Media
It is critical to have an established plan for communicating with the media when a
crisis occurs within a school or a school district. Members of the media can
become important partners in informing the community of the pertinent facts of
the crisis and the ways in which the school or district has responded. A high-
quality media communication plan will provide for a streamlining of accurate
information to the public and will enhance internal communication as well.
Lake County Schools has developed district policies and procedures regarding
media relations which can be accessed in the Lake County School District
Emergency Response and Crisis Management Plan. The following suggestions
can serve as a model for building a media relationship. These procedures should
be individualized in accordance with district policy to meet the needs and
conditions of your building.
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. From Lake County Schools Emergency Management Plan
WORKING WITH THE MEDIA
NOTE: While schools are public buildings, they are not necessarily open
to the general public. Administrators do not have to allow the media on
campus. Permission must be granted for members of the press to be on
campus.
1. Identify a school spokesperson.
2. Direct all media to the school spokesperson in order to maintain
consistency.
3. Prepare factual, written statements for the press, in cooperation with
the police, as soon as possible.
4. Be certain that every media member receives the same information.
5. Be accurate. If uncertain of the facts, don’t release information. If
necessary, refer media to appropriate sources.
6. Set limits for time and location.
7. When handling interviews
Ask in advance what specific questions will be asked.
Don’t say “no comment.” If an answer is not known, offer to
get information and
Don’t speak “off the record.”
Keep answers brief and to the point.
8. Emphasize positive action being taken. Turn negative questions into
simple, positive statements.
9. Maintain integrity of instructional day. Teachers and students should
be protected from media during the school day.
10. Ensure that the reporters respect the sensitivities of those who are
touched by the crisis.
11. Before agreeing to have staff members interviewed, obtain their
consent.
12. Students under the age of 18 may not be interviewed on campus
without parental permission.
13. Yearbook and school newspaper photographs are public documents.
Access to these must be provided.
NOTE: Let the police handle any questions regarding criminal investigations.
Administration should focus on what the school is doing and what is going to
happen tomorrow.
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Campus Security
Many school crisis situations draw attention from media, law enforcement, and
parents. Safety and privacy are important issues that must be planned in advance.
Please refer to Lake County School District’s Emergency Response and Crisis
Management Plan for assistance.
Emergency Checkout Plan
Designate well-supervised checkout area(s). They should
o Have controlled-access.
o Be secure.
o Have internet access.
Assign personnel to work this/these area(s).
o They should be sympathetic but able to maintain order.
Suggestions for handling parent(s) during a crisis:
o Establish eye contact.
o Speak in a calm but firm voice.
o Be persistent in not allowing parent to “look for child.”
o Assure parent(s) that their child will be released to the pick-up area
as conditions allow.
Organize parent area in such a manner as to minimize long lines.
o If possible, allow only two to three parents in checkout area at one
time. (It may be necessary to designate a room for organizing
checkouts.)
Have parent(s) present some form of personal identification (ID). Do not
release students to anyone not designated on student data system.
(Telephone verification with parent is required for non-authorized adult
who must show ID.)
School personnel should accompany students to the checkout area.
Principal’s Role (See Appendix D1)
When any individual within a school becomes aware of the sudden death of a
student, be it homicide, suicide, accidental death, or the death of a student
following an illness, it should be the responsibility of that individual to
immediately call the principal and inform him/her of all the known facts regarding
the death. It is important that the principal verify not only the surrounding facts
concerning the death but most importantly, who has died since there have, in
some instances, been inaccurate accounts of who actually was deceased.
20
The principal needs to quickly assess the impact this death will have on the school
community, i.e., how popular was the person, did he/she participate in
extracurricular activities, etc. The principal will then take the lead in the
activation of the protocol and the process through which students will be notified
about the death. If the death occurs outside of school hours, the principal should
call members of the Crisis Management Team at home.
The team members notify the entire staff that there will be a change in the
procedure of the normal school day and, if the death occurred outside of regular
school hours, request them to come to school early the following morning. If help,
in addition to the building Crisis Management Team, is needed, the principal
should arrange to notify a Student Services administrator who can provide district
personnel (school psychologists, school social workers, district registered nurses)
to supplement school-based staff as needed. If the principal is not available, the
assistant principal or the principal's designee will begin this process.
A phone tree should be established each school year in order that school staff may
be notified of school-related emergencies in a timely manner.
Pre-Planning Phase
Step One
Annually appoint members to the building Crisis Management Team (typically
includes assistant principal(s), guidance counselor(s), and the school nurse,
among others). Designate a team leader.
Step Two
Organize/update phone tree.
Step Three
Hold annual 20- to 30-minute staff meeting to review protocol procedures.
Protocol Implementation (Crisis has occurred)
Step One
When notified of a staff or student death, verify the death with appropriate public
officials (if notification was not by family member or public official). Instances
have occurred where the notification of who died was incorrect.
21
Step Two
Notify the school-based Crisis Management Team Leader and assess the expected
degree of response from the school community. Factors include deceased’s
participation in school-based groups, the popularity of the person, etc.
Step Three
If death was not during school hours, activate the pre-arranged phone tree to
notify staff of early-morning mandatory meeting. Request that Crisis Management
Team members meet with the principal thirty minutes prior to staff meeting.
Step Four
Designate the Crisis Management Team Leader as the person responsible for
orchestrating the emotional first aid activities for the next few days. This person
will serve as the "hub" of information and will direct the team's daily activities.
Step Five
Direct a staff member to immediately remove contents from deceased student's
locker and/or desk as appropriate. Hopefully, this can be accomplished discreetly
and prior to students returning to school. The personal contents belong to the
parents and removal to the principal's office will ensure they are properly
presented to the parents.
Step Six
Direct a staff member to 1) follow the deceased’ class schedule in order to
provide support within each classroom the student or teacher was assigned, and if
a student, 2) pull the deceased’ cumulative folder to determine what other schools
the deceased student might have attended, or if there are siblings attending other
Lake County Schools. The principal should call the other schools and inform
them of the events that have occurred, particularly if younger siblings are in those
other schools. Secondly, the principal should notify the district office of the
circumstances of the day. It is also helpful, at this point, to assign responsibility to
someone to pull the student's name off any mailing lists that would be sent from
the school and district office.
Step Seven
Identify a support center area in the building where students may come for
support and counseling. This area should be close to the guidance office and/or
the main office to facilitate communications between guidance and administrative
staff.
22
Step Eight
Discussion needs to occur regarding the need to prepare an announcement to be
read over the public address system to the students. At the elementary level, it is
often best to have the classroom teacher make the announcement. (Do not
announce the death of a student until it has been verified by reliable sources, i.e.,
police department, hospital, parents, etc.)
Note: It is important to have a central spokesperson, usually the principal, for all
announcements to students. By the time students reach school following the death
of a peer, they will have heard many different versions about what happened. The
presence of a strong, caring, and supportive authority figure (i.e., the principal)
sharing information during this stressful time is important. (In elementary schools,
it is equally important for the classroom teacher to be a strong, caring, and
supportive presence since the teacher will be looked upon by the students to
provide stability during this crisis period.)
One example of an announcement is the following:
“Students, may I have your attention, please. Last night (student's name)
from (our junior class, Mrs. Smith’s third grade class, etc.) died. This
morning the faculty met to develop a plan to help all of us cope with this
sad event. There will be special support assistance available for any
student who feels they need this service. Today, counselors will be
available in (given location) all day. Pause. I would like all of us to reflect
for a minute in memory of (student's first name). Pause. Thank you for
your attention.”
Step Nine
Direct a staff member to collect funeral arrangement information and to prepare
details for student/faculty attendance at the visitation and funeral. When details
are final, an announcement can be made to staff and students. Designate one
secretary who will know how to reach the principal throughout the day so the
principal can respond to any emergencies/administrative situations which may
develop.
Note: It is very helpful to have faculty members present during the entire
visitation period to assist the funeral home staff in handling children and teens.
Step Ten
Call and/or visit the parents as early as possible to express the school's and your
condolences. Visiting the parents is encouraged, and the principal should take
along a staff member who has been well acquainted with the student. Ask the
parents about pictures and other school-related articles to be used for the student's
23
funeral. Determine with the parents who will be the family contact for the school.
Recognize this may be the first of several visits. (The parents likely will be in a
state of shock. If the death was by suspected suicide, the parents may not
acknowledge or be in agreement with the coroner's finding which they have a
legal right to challenge.)
Contact the clergy who will be conducting the funeral to determine what role, if
any, students or faculty might play, and to learn what religious traditions will be
involved.
Step Eleven
Discuss the need to prepare a letter to be sent to all parents regarding the death of
a school community member. (See Appendix C)
Step Twelve
Arrange a 15-minute after school meeting with the entire school staff. Review the
day's activities and seek names of any students faculty thinks needs additional
emotional first aid. After meeting with the faculty, meet with the Crisis
Management Team. Review the day's activities and plan for the next day.
Step Thirteen
On the day following the funeral, the principal should make the following closure
statement to all students and faculty. (This is done the day following the funeral
because many of the deceased student's closest friends will not return to school
the day of the funeral.) In elementary schools, the classroom teachers may be the
most appropriate ones to deliver the following message of thanks to the students
for the support they have given to each other.
May I have your attention, please? I wish to thank all of the students and
faculty for the support you have shown each other during the past few
days. The example you have shown is a positive and healthy one and
provides us the opportunity to work toward strengthening our relationships
with each other. Guidance staff remains available if you should wish to
talk with a counselor.” (Any additional comments from the family that
have been passed on to the principal might be shared at this point.)
Step Fourteen
Begin to bring closure by encouraging teachers to resume regular classroom
activities (if not already in process) as quickly as is appropriate.
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Post Implementation Follow-up
Step One
Within two weeks following the funeral, meet with the Crisis Management Team
and debrief actions taken. Two key questions are addressed:
What worked well in dealing with this event?
What could be improved?
Step Two
Modify the building protocol based upon feedback from the Crisis Management
Team and others. Provide changes in the protocol to any district level planning
group as needed.
Role of the Crisis Management Team Leader and Other
Team Members (See Appendix D2)
Step One
The Crisis Management Team Leader informs teachers and classified staff what is
expected of them and reviews the accompanying hand-out materials (See
Appendices A, B, and D2). All confirmed public facts regarding the student
should be shared with the staff. (If death was by suicide, it is important that the
staff not confirm the cause since parents may eventually litigate the issue.
However, students will discuss the nature of death, and at that point, the staff can
and should discuss the nature of death and the issue of suicide. Reinforce the
concept that suicide is not an acceptable way to deal with life's temporary
problems and is an act of poor judgment.)
Request that any staff member who, for whatever reasons, does not believe he/she
can discuss this topic with the class, inform the Crisis Management Team Leader
or principal. The principal then needs to assign another staff member to the
classroom. (In many instances, the teacher(s) closest to the student will
automatically need a substitute for the day. The substitute is there to assist the
teacher so the regular teacher can spend individual time consoling students, going
with the principal to visit parents, etc. This is an especially important issue at the
elementary level.)
Step Two
Inform staff what announcement will be made to the students and when the
announcement will be made. (If possible, provide the teachers with a typed copy
of the announcement.)
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Step Three
Inform all staff members that any request for information should be immediately
directed to the principal or his/her designee.
Step Four
Announce that a mandatory 15- to 20-minute faculty meeting will be held after
school to review the day's events. This allows an opportunity to receive feedback
from faculty, to answer questions, and to review the next day's expectations. (At
this meeting, be sure to get the names of any other students the staff members feel
are “high-risk”.)
Step Five
Entertain questions and/or requests that the staff has at this time.
Guidance and Itinerant Staff Roles
The guidance and itinerant staff (school social worker, school psychologist,
district nurse, etc.) should take the responsibility of gathering information about
students’ and staff’s reactions to the death and facilitate individual and/or grief
group support sessions.
NOTE: When there is loss in a school, the most appropriate personnel to
work directly with students and staff are school-based personnel such as
counselors. Counselors will be familiar with individual needs of students and
staff. Conversely, students and staff will feel most comfortable with known
personnel. The itinerant staff can assist with supervision and management of
classrooms and lunchrooms etc. Certainly if the need for direct services is
beyond the capacity of the counselors, then itinerant personnel would assist.
Step One
Attend the a.m. staff meeting. (For itinerant staff, this may or may not be possible
due to time constraints.)
Step Two
As adjunct members of the Crisis Management Team, identify and have contact
with school staff acquainted with the deceased student and possibly in need of
extra support (e.g., a teacher who has had a special relationship with the student,
had the student in class, or has a sibling in class). Provide "in-class" assistance
when requested by Crisis Management Team Leader/Principal.
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Step Three
If directed by the Crisis Management Team Leader, start and maintain a master
list of “high-risk” students in need of extra support. These include, but are not
limited to: close friends of the deceased student, relatives, students in the same
activities or clubs as the deceased student, neighbors of the deceased student, and
students with other stressors (See Students Who Are Considered “High-Risk” for
Complicated Grief).
Step Four
If not already accomplished, guidance and itinerant staff should meet briefly with
all identified “high-risk” students and with any other students who are referred.
Decide what, if any, intervention is appropriate (triage). Options could include:
1. Individual grief counseling.
2. Grief groups. The grief group should automatically be formed the first
day, and students should stream in and out during the day. The focus
should be on memories of the deceased student and grief work. Typically,
students will be in grief group for only one or two periods and not all day.
For students requiring "excessive" intervention, parents need to be
informed and directed to appropriate community resources.
3. Referral to community mental health or other appropriate community
resources.
Step Five
Identify students who are absent who may be “high-risk”, and inform parents of
your concern for them.
Step Six
For students who request to leave school because of their grief reaction:
1. Release students only to parents or an adult designated by the parent.
Encourage the parent not to leave the child alone during the day.
2. Provide parents with guidelines on how to manage grief and a brief listing
of community resources. (Available from the school social worker and an
administrator with the Student Services Department)
3. Let students know that you expect them to return to school the next day.
4. Check to see if the students return the next day and briefly check with
them to see how they are doing. If a student has not returned, contact
his/her parent(s) to see how he/she is doing. Offer your assistance to the
parents and/or student.
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Step Seven
Attend the after-school staff meeting.
Step Eight
At the end of the first day, guidance and itinerant staff Crisis Management Team
members should meet to update themselves and review the list of “high-risk”
students. Throughout the week, review the status of “high-risk” students with the
master list. Determine which students may need to be referred to community
mental health services based on their previous history and immediate need.
Step Nine
Discuss the role guidance and itinerant staff will provide, if any, in the funeral or
memorial service. After the funeral, assist the building staff in moving toward a
"normal" atmosphere as soon as possible. (An announcement will be made by the
principal regarding continued availability of guidance staff.)
Step Ten
Carefully review with the principal and other Crisis Management Team members
the memorial requests for the deceased student.
Step Eleven
In a week or two following the crisis, meet as a team and discuss the response
activities including those procedures which may need to be modified.
Teacher’s Role (See Appendix D3)
Teachers play a vital role in helping students deal with their feelings regarding the
death of a fellow student, a parent, or any significant person in the student's life.
Teachers should review information relative to the grade level they teach in
Appendices A, B and D3 of this manual as soon as they are notified of a death. It
is important for teachers to determine if they can teach their class(es) this
particular day or if they will need help to "cover" their class(es) so they have
individual time to console distraught students, visit parents with the building
principal, etc. Sometimes teachers are also extremely distraught over the death. In
these instances, the teachers should request assistance to cover their class(es). It is
okay for teachers to grieve and seek help with their assigned duties.
The principal and the Crisis Management Team members will be available to
discuss concerns you may have regarding any of your students. It should be noted
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that it is important to take care of teachers as well. Take breaks and have time
away from students during the day. Be sure to eat meals and watch personal
nutrition and other health habits. After the students have left the building, give
yourself an opportunity to process what has happened during the day.
Step One
Attend mandatory all-staff meetings and review any available written information.
Step Two
Allow the expressions of grief. Acknowledge and encourage students to express
their feelings of loss, anger, sadness, etc.
Note: People have different reactions to grief. One way for teachers to encourage
students' expressions of grief is to acknowledge their own feelings immediately
following an announcement of a student's death. If teachers are uncomfortable
discussing grief or handling this situation in their classrooms, they should ask for
assistance from the Crisis Management Team Leader.
Step Three
Death by Natural Causes, Accident, Etc.
If the death was a sudden one following an accident or a long-term illness, it may
be important to have the students discuss their fears and to talk a bit about
funerals. This may be a time when students ask questions. Questions need to be
answered honestly, but tactfully and simply. The major focus should be on
assisting students in expressing their feelings and reactions. (Students will
respond differently based upon their past experience with death, coping skills, and
age.)
Death by Suicide
If death was by suicide, emphasize this tragedy as an error in judgment. Suicide is
a permanent solution to temporary problems. Encourage students to talk about
ways to cope with stress, loss, and personal problems. Do not glorify the deceased
or spend time calling attention to them.
Step Four
Channel names and/or students themselves to the guidance office if they seem
“high-risk” now or as the week progresses (see Students Who Are Considered
“High-Risk” for Complicated Grief in this manual). At the elementary level,
much of the crisis intervention will take place in the classrooms because these are
the places students feel most secure.
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Step Five
Attend a brief after-school meeting to review the day's events. The principal and
Crisis Management Team members will be available to discuss concerns you may
have regarding any of your students.
Step Six
Attend all mandatory staff meetings.
Role of Classified Staff
All building personnel are affected by the death of a student. Therefore, it is
important to inform classified staff of their role in dealing with this event.
Step One
All classified staff should attend all mandatory staff meetings to be informed of
the plans for the day. Assistance should be offered to classified staff members
who knew the student and are affected by his/her death.
Step Two
Secretarial staff should review procedures for handling requests or calls from
parents, news media, and others. Secretarial staff needs to remove the deceased
student's name from mailing lists. Secretarial staff needs to notify the principal as
soon as possible regarding students who are not in attendance.
Step Three
The guidance secretary/clerk should free guidance staff schedules for the day.
Some counselors may direct the secretary to clear their schedules for several days
so they can best respond to this situation.
Step Four
Classified support staff should give the names of any students they are concerned
about to the Crisis Management Team Leader.
Step Five
Classified staff needs to attend all mandatory after-school meetings.
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Parent Communications (See Appendix C)
Parents will want information when a death has occurred in the school.
Depending on the nature of the emergency, the entire community may be affected.
Special communications to parents may be extremely helpful in gaining their
support for the school and in reaching satisfactory closure to the crisis.
Guidelines for Parent Communications by Phone
Use active listening skills to calm an upset parent.
Contact the parents of any student who has had a difficult time coping
with the death and give suggestions on how to offer support at home plus
information on community mental health resources.
Reassure parents that the school is responding to the emergency and
describe the response activities.
Guidelines for Parent Communications in Writing
Depending on the impact of the death, a letter may be sent home with every
student in the class or classes involved and in some cases with the entire school.
This letter could include the following information:
Information about the death that has occurred.
What the children have been told.
Grief reactions that the parents might expect to see in their children.
How to respond to their children.
Resources available to the parents.
Steps the school is taking to cope with the situation.
Guidelines for Parent Meetings
The general experience of school personnel holding large group or assembly
meetings for parents has been that these meetings tend to add contagion to a crisis
rather than to minimize the impact for the community. The recommendations for
parent meetings, when necessary, are for small group meetings to be held off
school premises. If a meeting is held off campus, staff should attend the meetings
to reassure parents that the school is responding to the emergency.
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Coping With a Suicidal Death
The nature of a death by suicide is much different than one by natural causes or an
accident. For instance, in suicidal death, many "why" questions are asked which
have no rational or medical explanation. For example, friends and relatives often
ask "Why did the person kill himself/herself?" and "Why didn't he/she come to
me for help?" With suicide, survivors often experience a great sense of guilt and
anger. Guilt because they feel they should have been able to help the person, and
anger over the fact the suicidal person would abandon them in such a tragic and
untimely manner.
It is important in dealing with a suicidal death to be prudent in your responses:
Do not glorify the act of suicide. Stress to the students that suicide is an
error in judgment and is a "permanent solution to life's temporary
problems."
Do not announce that the death was by suicide when making general
public statements. Coroner's medical findings can be legally contested and
frequently are in cases of suicide. School personnel should allow the
discussion of suicide as the students talk about the death; however, it is not
essential that school personnel confirm the death was by suicide. As the
students are discussing the nature of the death (which they will do), school
personnel should take the opportunity to discuss the subject of suicide and
how the students might cope with stress, personal frustration,
disappointment, and other severe hardships.
Recognize the tragedy of the event and acknowledge the varied feelings of
those grieving.
Memorials should be carefully considered. Too much attention directed
toward the suicide victim may encourage “copy cat” attempts. If
memorials are held the memorial should be directed toward symbols of
coping and living (e.g., planting of a tree, donations to a crisis hotline, a
blood drive).
A return to "normal" school functioning should be encouraged as soon as
possible, so as, to regain a sense of stability and purpose in the lives of
those grieving.
The following letter was written by the parents of a 16-year- old student who
committed suicide (Jeffrey A. Knutson, 05/10/1983 – 07/28/1999). The following
information was written to help the individual reading this to understand their
background and their experience.
Jeff committed suicide on July 28, 1999. He was 16 years old and it was the
summer of his sophomore year at North Scott High School in Eldridge, Iowa. Jeff
was working as a lifeguard at the Scott County Park Pool that summer. He was
involved in his church youth group and had attended a week of church camp prior
32
to his suicide. Jeff had been involved in Boy Scouts and had earned the rank of
Eagle Scout. He was an exceptionally good bass guitar player and had saved his
money working as a paperboy to buy his guitar and two amplifiers. He had many
friends and family who loved him very much.
Jeff did not show any of the typical signs of depression or share any suicidal
thoughts he may have felt. He left a note that just said good-bye to his family and
friends and did not give any reason for his suicide. To this day the reason is still a
mystery. After Jeff’s death, a toxicology report was done which showed no signs
of drugs or alcohol in his system.
Jeff’s family (Brad, Dawn and Ashley) knew that they would need help in dealing
with Jeff’s death. It came as a total surprise to them that Jeff had committed
suicide. They went to counseling for nine months learning how best to deal with
their grief, anger, hurt and loss. Many questions needed to be answered...how do
you face your community? How do you deal with the untrue rumors? How do you
pick up and move forward with your life? How do you teach all of the teens who
knew Jeff and were watching the family that you can take a tragedy in your life
and use it to help others?
A Parent’s Perspective Following the Suicide of Their Son
On July 28, 1999, our son, Jeff Knutson, committed suicide. Jeff’s suicide was
during the summer when school was out of session. As his parents, we were
devastated by Jeff’s death and shocked that he committed suicide. Since that time
we have been working to educate teens about depression and suicide prevention.
We have been working closely with [the school district] and were asked to share
our input on the events following Jeff’s death. To share what was helpful to us as
a family and what we feel was helpful from the community and school. We will
also share with you ideas that we think would be good to consider for future
needs.
Things that helped us emotionally directly after Jeff’s death:
1. School officials, teachers, social workers, and counselors attended Jeff’s
visitation and funeral. (School was not in session at this time and we felt
they were going above and beyond their job responsibility by being
available to the kids during the summer, they could’ve just let the parents
handle it alone.)
2. School counselors, social workers, and psychologists remained at the
funeral home during both visitation and funeral to help with any teens that
felt they may need help in dealing with their grief. It is important and a
relief for us to know that any of Jeff’s friends who needed help would
have it available to them.
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3. It is important to remember that a funeral and visitation are not a school
function-they are personal services planned by the grieving family and,
therefore, the school officials should ask for the family’s permission
before assuming they are welcome to provide those services at the site of
the funeral and visitation. An alternate location for counseling may be set
up if needed.
4. In regards to funerals during the school year, it is greatly appreciated when
the teens are allowed to attend the service. It is especially needed for their
healing and grieving process and also helps the family of the deceased.
5. We appreciated the teachers who took the time to stop by the house, call
or send cards.
6. The local clergy also provided places for teens to go to meet after Jeff’s
death. It was reassuring to us when we would get a call that a friend was at
a meeting and was okay.
7. We appreciated the school’s willingness to let us plant a memorial tree.
8. We appreciated the school’s working with Jeff’s classmates to have an
Isabel Bloom memorial in the Library and a stone and tree by the new ball
diamonds.
9. We appreciated the school calling us on such issues as a yearbook page,
memorials, and graduation ceremonies. It allowed us the ability to work
with the school and Jeff’s classmates on these issues and to handle them in
a way that was beneficial to all.
10. We appreciated the valedictorians (3 of them) calling us before preparing
their speeches and asking our permission to include Jeff in their speech. It
showed respect to our family and gave us forewarning and time to prepare
for what was to come at the ceremonies.
If we had any suggestions, it would be these three things:
1. Follow-up meeting: call the family to set up a time for one or two school
counselors, psychologist, social worker or representative to meet with the
family one or two weeks after the services. Many times the words were
said "let us know if we can do anything for you". Those are comforting
words; however, at the time of the visitation and funeral you are
overwhelmed and may not know what you need. Grieving parents may not
make the call themselves if they do need something. If school aged
siblings are involved it is especially important to have follow-up. We were
not aware of all the services the school and [the school district] could
provide and, therefore, did not know what we could request help with. If
there was a follow-up meeting those services could be discussed with the
family.
2. Continued grief counseling for the teens: provided by either the school,
community organization, or clergy would be beneficial. Teens do not
understand the grieving process and many times their parents do not
either. Teaching parents and teens what to expect may help them to
34
understand their reactions and responsibilities in dealing with the death of
a friend.
3. There are many different beliefs and feelings regarding death by suicide.
Remember that depression is a mental illness. The family may have been
dealing with this illness just as other families deal with a child’s death by
cancer. The loss of a son or daughter – no matter what the cause – is
devastating to the family. Respect the family by not gossiping or sharing
in community rumors that may only come back to hurt the family, friends
and school. It is not anyone’s place to judge and, as professionals, others
will be watching you and taking your lead. Your words and actions can
make a huge difference in the recovery of that family.
Grief Support Groups
Some Ideas/Suggestions
1. Drop-in center all day the first day where news of a sudden death is
disseminated.
2. More than one counselor/facilitator is needed in the group at one time; it's
also a good idea to have others available for relief purposes.
3. Co-facilitating is especially critical to maintain continuity, in spite of the
"drop-in" process, for consultation in identifying “high-risk” students, and
for general support and help.
4. Focus on:
a. Memories, positive experiences with person who died.
b. Feelings about loss.
c. Elements of grieving (grief education) - students may bring up
spirituality.
d. Funeral and services - appropriate behaviors/concerns about
experience.
e. Future - What’s next?
f. Guilt work if needed; some need to focus on causation.
g. Family and friend's responses. (Kids often wonder "What can I
do?”, “How can I help?")
h. Students can identify others for whom they are concerned. It
provides them with an opportunity to help, gives them a purpose in
crises, and allows them to be part of a larger supportive community
response.
5. Avoid focusing on:
a. Narcissistic focus on suicidal thoughts, feelings, experiences, if the
death was by suicide.
b. Constant talk about the actual death (morbid focusing).
c. Blame.
35
6. Bring group to some closure the second day - avoid adding new members
(may need to meet others on a one-to-one basis); probably will focus more
on funeral and services.
7. May need to reconvene after funeral for an hour to refocus on grief/loss;
bring group to some closure again and offer various resources for on-
going support.
8. Remember that throughout the course of group process, facilitators need to
identify students with chronic problems around the issue of suicide/self-
destructive behavior (regardless of the cause of the death) and to assess
whether these students need to be "pulled" from the group. If the students
in question are identified as "chronic manipulative attempters", they must
be removed from the group and an on-going counselor should be
identified.
Parent Referrals for Counseling
What should parents watch for in terms of referring their child for counseling?
Some indicators of children who might need counseling include the following:
Children who have experienced another recent loss.
A child who has made suicide attempts or who makes suicidal statements.
A child who had a close relationship with the deceased student but
pretends that absolutely nothing has happened and continues to do so for
an extended period of time.
A student's schoolwork takes a dramatic decline or the student develops a
phobic fear of school.
Note: A child's behavior changes significantly over a long period of time.
Funeral Services and Memorials
Guidelines Regarding the Funeral
During the contacts the principal and Crisis Management Team members have
with the family to offer support and assistance, the family's wishes about funeral
services will be explored. Let the family know that many staff and students will
likely want to attend the funeral, but be sensitive to any family preferences for a
closed service. Offer to make announcements of funeral arrangements at school.
Ideally, these announcements should be made in small groups. Decisions about
school response to the funeral will depend on a variety of factors including the
funeral arrangements, the impact of the death on the school, the circumstances
surrounding the death, etc. Parents should always be encouraged to accompany
their children to the funeral, especially in the elementary grades.
36
The most accepted practice for funeral attendance has been to excuse students to
attend the funeral only if they have parental permission. The deceased's family
may be receptive to scheduling services after school hours so that more people
could attend. If district buses are made available to transport students, parents
must provide written permission for their child to ride the bus. Staff should be
available both at the funeral and at the building to assist distraught persons.
If the family chooses to have a closed service, this decision may have its own
ramifications since the funeral is a way for people to say "good-bye" to the
deceased. The family may agree to a memorial service for the deceased. Such a
service should be held after school hours and off school premises, if possible,
although the school may be an appropriate site for the service, i.e., accidental
death of an administrator. It may also be appropriate for the school to host a
memorial service in the event of multiple accidental deaths of students/faculty.
In the case of a suicidal death, school personnel need to be careful not to
glamorize or romanticize the death. Students may be excused with parental
permission to attend the funeral. Continue to stress the fact that suicide is a
permanent response to temporary problems. If appropriate, contact the minister
and discuss ways to help decrease possible contagion. Crisis Management Team
members and other support persons may want to attend the funeral/burial to help
any unattended or “high-risk” persons. If the funeral is during school hours, some
team members need to remain in the building to help those students unable to
attend.
37
Appendix A: Reproducible Handout for Teachers
Helping Your Students Deal with Grief and Loss
Teachers Role
Following the death of a student, those left behind grieve in a variety of ways.
This brief handout is intended to provide a guide for teachers’ use in assisting the
students in their classes as they resolve their feelings related to a death.
Normal grief is generally characterized by a framework of shock and denial, rage
and anger, disorganization and despair, and finally acceptance and hope.
In the event of a sudden death, many students may arrive at school already
"buzzing" with the news. Rumors will have already started before school
convenes, but there will also be many students who arrive with no knowledge of
the deceased student's/staff member’s death. Students will be saying, "I just can't
believe it!" "Not him/her. It can't be!" "This must be a joke."
Some students will quickly move to being angry. They will want to blame anyone
and everyone for the death - other friends, parents, police, teachers, medical
personnel, and finally, themselves.
Guilt will be a feeling many students may experience and want to discuss. In the
aftermath of an adolescent death, many students will be going back and retracing
their last encounter with the adolescent who died. They add to their guilt by often
blowing out of proportion small fights that may have occurred or minor
disagreements they may have had. After their guilt period, they may feel that they
are in some way responsible for the death.
For many of your students, this may be their first encounter with death. They will
look to you for guidance and modeling. To share with the students your own
feelings when you are told of the death - your shock, your sadness, your confusion
- is valuable. To reminisce about your relationship with the deceased student/staff
member, if you know him/her, is important. Share with students what you will
remember about the deceased.
Let students know these feelings are normal. Reassure them that they are not
responsible for what happened. Encourage the students to be supportive of one
another and to escort any friend who is upset to a teacher or the guidance office.
Reassure them that the adults in the building are available to help. Also,
encourage the students to discuss their feelings with their parents.
The most important thing teachers can do is to allow some opportunity for
students to express feelings related to the death. Help them through the grief cycle
38
by acknowledging the pain and grief they are experiencing, by being a good,
active listener, and by reassuring them that their feelings are normal and expected.
Specific Information for Elementary Teachers
The response of a young child to the death of a significant person may vary
depending upon personal, family, and social factors. The grieving process does
not always have discernible stages as might be observed in adolescents or adults.
Such factors as the closeness of the relationship, the time of preparation for the
death, and the family's response to the death may influence the nature, duration,
and severity of the grief response. After the loss of a loved one, a child may be
reluctant to trust other adults for fear they too will die or go away. This confounds
the teacher's role in supporting the student.
The varieties of responses to death often hide a child's true feelings. A child may
behave as if nothing is really wrong, hoping that they can convince themselves
that death is a reversible process, and the deceased will return. Often the signs are
physical or behavioral in nature, including: crying, clinging, and thumb sucking.
Other signs of bodily distress might include: chronic worrying, lack of energy,
and loss of appetite. A child may also demonstrate hostile reactions or there may
be a looking to others or substituting that is designed to satisfy some physical or
emotional need. There may be an idealizing of the deceased during the initial
response. Perhaps the most powerful response of young children to death is one of
guilt. There may be concern that they have done something to cause the death or
should have been more helpful while the person was alive.
A teacher can be very helpful to a young child by giving him/her accurate
information in simple and understandable words. Any information shared should
be guided by a child's questions and should avoid the use of phrases such as
"going on a long trip" or "going to sleep." By supporting a child's expressions of
feeling in a caring manner, a teacher prepares the child for later grief events. If
possible, it is helpful to young children to use such experiences as the loss of a pet
to begin to acquire the skills necessary to get through the death of a person to
whom they are acquainted.
39
Appendix B: Classroom Activities Handout
Activities for Children by Age Birth to 2 years
Activities for home: frequent cuddling, caring, maintaining routines, and
remaining calm.
Preschool and Kindergarten
Activities for home or school: play acting, physical contact, puppets, art, stories,
large muscle movements (throwing balls, etc.).
School Age (7 to 12 years)
Activities for home or school: play acting, puppets, drawing and painting, sharing
experiences in groups, reading, and creative writing or discussion.
Middle School to High School (12 to 18 years)
Activities at school: general classroom activities, literature or reading, peer
helpers, health class, art class, speech/drama class, social studies/government, and
history.
Other ways of Expressing Loss
Children may find it useful if they are given other ways of expressing how they
are feeling. Some useful alternative methods of expression include painting,
drawing, or writing about the event. Adults or older children can help preschool
children to reenact the event since preschool children may not be able to imagine
alternative "endings" to a disaster and hence may feel particularly helpless. It may
also be helpful to have children write a letter to the person who has died. Plant a
tree. Make a poster or collage with drawings, pictures, and thoughts.
40
Appendix C: Sample Letters, Memorandums, and Notices
Letters to Parents
Sample A: General
Dear Parent(s) or Guardian:
It is with sadness that I inform you of the death of (name of deceased), a (grade
level) in our school. (Name) died from (cause of death) which occurred (day/date
of death) (do not specify reason if death by suicide or causes which are unknown,
etc.).
The funeral will be held at __________ at __________ a.m./p.m. Visitation will
be held at __________ during the hours of __________ to __________. Parents
are encouraged to attend the funeral with their children. (Note: Send a letter home
to parents even if you do not know the details of the funeral arrangements.)
Students will have varied reactions to the death of a peer (or teacher). Any
reaction is normal in the grief process and can range from withdrawal to anger. I
encourage you to openly discuss with your child his/her reactions and feelings
regarding the death of (name of deceased).
Special counseling services have been made available to students today and will
continue to be available throughout the week and longer, if needed.
If you think your child needs additional counseling support, please do not hesitate
to contact the __________ (school counseling office) at __________ (phone
number).
Sincerely,
Principal and Staff
41
Sample B: General
Dear Parent(s) or Guardian:
As you may be aware, our school district has experienced a death of a
(student/faculty member) that has affected us deeply.
Students and staff will react in different ways to the death of one of our school
community members. We all should expect and try to understand that there will
be a variety of emotions and responses to what has occurred. The most important
thing we can do is to be supportive and encourage an open expression of feelings.
At the school, we have implemented a plan for responding to this tragic event
focused on helping our students, their families, and our staff get back to regular
learning and every day activities as soon as possible. This plan has evolved from
the district's experience with death in the past and the advice of mental health
professionals within our district and from the community.
Our teachers and counselors have been briefed on our plans and have received
guidelines for discussing death and reactions to it. There will be district/school
personnel available to students who need special attention and support. (There is
also help available from the community.) We will try to maintain as normal a
routine and structure as the situation and people allow, and we encourage you to
do the same.
If you feel that your child or family needs some assistance, please contact us, and
we will do everything we can to help you.
If you have any questions or concerns, please contact the school at (give preferred
phone numbers). We know you will join us in our concern and sympathy for the
family.
Sincerely,
Principal and Staff
42
Sample C: Death by Suicide, Homicide, or Tragic Accident
(Only use for suicide if verified)
Following some deaths, the principal communicates with parents by mail and/or
public forums. A sample letter to be used following a student suicide is given
below. A similar letter may be needed after a homicide death or tragic accident.
Dear Parents:
The ________________ school community has been saddened by the suicide
death of one of our students, __________. I want to let you know what steps we
are taking to assist our grieving students. (Describe what actions are being taken).
You can expect that your child will be affected in some way by this tragedy even
if he or she did not know this student well. I encourage you to talk to your child
about what happened. Discussing thoughts and feelings about death is important
to the resolution of grief. You will not “put ideas into your child’s head” by
talking about suicide. We all need to reinforce, however, that such actions are
foolish and that there is help for any problem. Encourage your child to talk to you
or some other adult when life stressors become overwhelming. If you are
concerned about your child, please contact (staff person) at (phone number).
I have enclosed an information sheet that may help you understand and respond to
your child’s feelings. (Enclose information about helpful responses, how students
this age react to death, and warning signs of depression or at-risk behaviors.)
A meeting for concerned parents will be held ____________. (If a meeting is
planned, give the details.) If you have any questions concerning this incident or
the actions we are taking, please call my office. You are an important part of our
school community and your child’s life.
Sincerely,
Principal and Staff
43
Memoranda to Faculty
Sample A: Announcing a Suspected, but Unconfirmed, Death by Suicide
TO: All Faculty
FROM: __________, Principal
DATE:
Please read the following announcement to students in your first period class:
We are saddened to learn of the death this weekend of one of our students:
___________. He/She died Saturday afternoon of____________. The
complete details of his/her death are not available at this time. I know that
this news may be upsetting to some of you. If you need to talk with a
counselor, please let me know. I will give you a pass to the guidance
office.
Suggestions for Helping Your Students
(Note: Refer to Announcing a Death by Suicide to the Student Body notice for
information that may be helpful in this situation.)
If you have a first or second period conference, please go to the counseling office
to see if your assistance is needed. A counselor will follow the deceased’s class
schedule to meet with his/her classmates throughout the day. If I feel that any
further action is needed in response to this death, I will call a faculty meeting or
will send you a memorandum.
(Note: Although it was common knowledge among students at this school that
____________ died under difficult circumstances, the coroner has not ruled the
death a suicide. When this information is available, there will be an
announcement provided.)
44
Sample B: Announcing a Death by Suicide that Occurred Over the Summer Break
(Only use if the suicide is verified)
The following memorandum is given to teachers before the first day of school
concerning a student who killed himself/herself over the summer. At a pre-
planning in-service meeting, the principal advises teachers to make this
announcement only if students seem upset or ask for information. Those students
should then be counseled individually.
TO: All Faculty
FROM: ______________, Principal
DATE:
Read the following announcement only if there seems to be a need (i.e. students
request information about the death or seem upset).
_______________, who would have been a
senior/junior/sophomore/freshman in the fall, died on __________ of a
self-inflicted__________. A memorial service was held on ________ at
______________Funeral Home. If you find this news upsetting, you may
want to talk with a counselor. The counselors will offer a grief and loss
support group beginning next week for interested students. A workshop
for concerned parents may also be held. Information about these activities
is available in the guidance office.
TEACHERS: As most of you know, grief and loss groups are offered at school
for students grieving the death of a relative or friend. Please notify the counseling
office of students who may benefit from a group of this nature. The parent
workshop on student suicide may be of interest to you as teachers or parents, as
well. Descriptions of the student group and parent workshop are available in the
(designate room).
45
Sample C: Announcing an Accidental Death
TO: All Faculty
FROM: __________, Principal
DATE: __________
Please read the following announcement to your first period class:
A ____ grade student, _____________, died as the result of an automobile
accident that occurred shortly after midnight Friday. __________ was
killed instantly. Another student, _________, was seriously injured and is
in the Medical Center or hospital. We are all saddened by this news. If
anyone needs to talk with a counselor, please let me know. The accident
happened on ________ Road. Apparently the car in which these girls were
riding tried to avoid a car that approached them with its headlights off.
Their car veered off the road and struck a large tree. As additional
information comes to our attention, it will be announced.
46
Sample D: Announcing the Death of a Teacher to Students
TO: All Faculty
FROM: __________, Principal
DATE:
Please read the following announcement to students in your first period class:
As some of you may know, one of our teachers, __________, died
yesterday. Although the exact reason for his/her death is not clear at this
time, it was by natural causes. I know that this news may be very upsetting
to some of you. If you need to talk with a counselor, you should let me
know.
47
Notices
Sample A: Announcing a Death by Suicide to the Student Body
(Only use if suicide is verified)
The suicide of a student, particularly one who was well known or popular, can
produce campus-wide trauma if the death occurs when school is in session. In
announcing the death, it may be helpful to include information about the grieving
process and sources of assistance. The following is a suggestion:
The ______________ school community is saddened by the reported suicide of
one of our students. The death of any member of a community is a loss that in one
way or another diminishes each of us, but the tragic circumstances of
__________________’s death are even more difficult to accept. Feelings of
anger, hurt, depression, and guilt are natural following a suicide. Although feeling
guilty is natural, none of us can assume responsibility for what happened because
the ultimate decision was not ours to make. There is, however, something each of
us can do. Students can assist their friends and classmates. Teachers, counselors,
and administrators are here to help all students, whatever the problem. If you or
one of your friends need to talk, let a teacher or counselor know. Both students
and faculty can be alert for others who need help. Often a friendly smile, a word
of encouragement, or just listening can make a difference.
48
Sample B: Postvention Counseling Group
(The following information should be printed on school letterhead.)
Parent Permission Form
To: The parent(s) of__________________
From: ______________, Principal (or counselor)
Date:
There are loss events in the lives of young people (or children) that cause them to
grieve. The counseling staff at _______________ School offers a grief and loss
support group to help our students process their feelings and learn to cope with
future losses. Your son/daughter has requested to participate in this group.
This group meets (once a week for 8 weeks). Students in the group will not miss
any class (or subject, if elementary school group) more than twice during that
time. The group has a learning component and a sharing component. Topics
covered usually include the following:
1. Type of losses
2. Phases of grief recovery
3. Identifying, normalizing, and sharing feelings
4. Healthy versus unhealthy grief responses
5. Recognizing and coping with depression
6. Myths about grief
Please sign and return the form below if you give permission for your
son/daughter to participate in this group. If you have any questions, please call
__________ at __________.
My son/daughter ______________________ may participate in the grief and loss
support group.
(Parent signature) (Date)
49
Appendix D: Reproducible Staff Checklists
D1: Principal Checklist
Verified death circumstances.
Designated the Crisis Management Team Leader.
Met with Crisis Management Team.
Notified Administrator of Student Services of need for itinerant personnel
support (only when school-based staff resources need augmenting).
Activate phone tree.
Arranged for substitute to assist or cover student's classroom teacher.
Designated a faculty member to follow class schedule of the deceased.
throughout the first day to provide support as needed.
Instructed a staff member to remove locker contents from deceased
student's locker. (Secondary)
Implemented campus security plan as necessary.
Implemented emergency checkout plan as necessary.
Designated a counseling support center in building.
Met with building staff.
Directed staff member to review student's cumulative folder and notify
other school principals as needed (i.e. siblings at other schools).
Informed students regarding the death.
Wrote letter to parents of all students regarding the death.
Designated a staff member to collect funeral arrangement information.
Informed students/staff regarding funeral arrangements.
50
Directed a staff member to remove student's name from all mailing lists,
including the district's central office.
Called and/or visited parents.
Held mid-day meeting with Crisis Management Team Leader to assess
response activities.
Contacted clergy who will be conducting funeral services.
Held after-school meeting.
Met with Crisis Management Team at end-of-day to:
o review day's activities.
o review list of "high-risk" students.
o plan for next day's activities.
Arranged next day’s all-staff a.m. meeting.
Encouraged staff to resume regular classroom activities two to three days
after funeral if not already underway.
Met with Crisis Management Team within two week following the crisis
to debrief.
Modified building protocol based on feedback received from Crisis
Management Team and others.
Contact family within two weeks for follow-up to situation.
51
D2: Crisis Management Team Leader Checklist
Informed staff of expectations and of any scheduled mandatory meetings.
Reviewed hand-out materials.
Informed staff of upcoming announcements.
Informed staff of media protocols.
Listed the teachers and staff who will need extra support because of their
closeness, etc. to deceased.
Assigned staff member to classroom where assistance by the teacher has
been requested.
Maintained a list of "high risk" students.
o Assisted in identifying students who were absent and “high risk”.
o Reviewed with team all students on “high risk” list and assigned
staff member as a case manager.
Organized the building's counseling efforts including grief group(s).
Recommended to the principal students who (A) needed to go home or (B)
needed additional community mental health resources.
Assisted in organizing staff's role in funeral arrangements including
visitation.
Met with Crisis Management Team at end of day to update and plan for
next day's activities.
52
D3: Guidance and Itinerant Staff Checklist
Gathered information about students’ and staff’s reactions to the death
event.
Attended any mandatory staff meetings (if scheduled and if time allows).
Identified and contacted school staff acquainted with the deceased and
who were in need of extra support (e.g., a teacher who had a special
relationship with the deceased, had the deceased in class, or had a sibling
in class).
Provided “in-class” assistance when requested by the school-based Crisis
Management Team Leader/Principal.
Initiated and maintained a master list of “high-risk” students in need of
extra support.
Met briefly with all identified “high-risk” students and any other students
who were referred, as needed, and implemented a “triage” system of
intervention.
Identified students who were absent who might have been “high-risk” and
informed their respective parent(s) of the school’s concern (if requested by
the Crisis Management Team Leader).
Adhered to the building Emergency Checkout Plan when students
requested to leave school due to grief issues.
Met with Crisis Management Team (if an assigned member) to debrief.
Discussed the role guidance and itinerant staff will provide, if any, in the
funeral or memorial service.
Reviewed any memorial requests for the deceased with the principal and
other Crisis Management Team members.
Met as a team one to two weeks following the death event and discussed
response activities and any modifications that may be needed.
53
D4: Teacher Checklist
Attended any mandatory staff meetings (if scheduled).
If needed, requested a substitute to assist with individual time to console
students, visit with deceased student's parents, etc.
Modeled the classroom discussion by sharing with students feelings and
reactions. (or)
Could not lead class discussion and informed the principal or Crisis
Management Team Leader to request a team member to lead the
discussion.
Allowed students to go to counseling support center (sent peer or aide to
accompany them).
Kept list of student(s) considered "high risk" and gave names to Crisis
Management Team Leader during and at the end of the day.
Offered to assist colleagues who were in need of help any assistance I
could give them.
If appropriate, attended the visitation and/or funeral.
54
Appendix E: Grief and Loss Resources
Recommended Reading
For Children
Alexander, A. (1999). Sunflowers & rainbows for Tia: Saying goodbye to daddy.
Centering Corp.
Baritzer, E. (2000). What is death? Veronica Lane Books.
Boulden, J. & Boulden, J. (1994). Goodbye forever. Boulden Publishing.
Brown, L & Brown, M. (1998). When dinosaurs die: A guide to understanding death.
Little Brown & Co.
Brown, M.W. (2002). The dead bird. Willow Morrow & Co.
Buscaglia, L. (1983). The fall of Freddie the leaf. Holt Rinehart Winston.
Coehn, C. Heiney, J. & Gordon, M. (1997). Daddy’s promise. Promise Publications.
Clifton, L. & Grifalconi, A. (1988). Everett Anderson’s goodbye. Henry Holt & Co.
Crossley, D. (2001). Muddles, puddles & sunshine: Your activity book to help when
someone dies.
Winston’s Wish.
Deymaz, L. & Smith, S. (1997). Mommy, please don’t cry. Multnomak Publishers.
Dodge, N. (1984). Thumpy’s Story. Prairie Lark Press.
Freidman, J. & Old, W. (1994). Stacy had a little sister. Concept Books.
Goldman, L. (1998). Bart speaks out: Breaking the silence on suicide. (2nd ed.). Western
Psychological Service.
Gryte, M. (1988). No new baby. Centering Corp.
Haynes, M. (2000). Grandma’s gone to live in the stars. Albert Whitman & Co.
Heegard, M. (1988). When someone very special dies: Children can learn to cope with
grief. Woodland Press.
Heegard, M. (1992). When something terrible happens. Woodland Press.
Hemery, K. (1998). The brightest star. Centering Corp.
55
Hodge, J. (1998) Finding grandpa everywhere: A young child discovers memories of a
grandparent.
Johnson, J. & Johnson, M. (2001). Tell me Papa. Centering Corp.
Keough, P. (2001). Remembering our baby. Centering Corp.
Levy, J. (1995). The spirit of Tio Fernando. Albert Whitman & Co.
Maple, M. (1992). On the wings of a butterfly: A story about life & death. Parenting
Press.
Mellonie & Ingpen. (1983) Lifetimes: The beautiful way to explain death to children.
NY: Bantam Books.
Mills, J & Chesworth, M. (1993). Gentle willow: A story for children about dying.
Magination.
Mundy, M. & Alley, R.W. (1998). Sad isn’t bad: A good-grief guide book for kids
dealing with loss. Abby Press.
Nobisso, J. (2000). Grandma’s scrapbook. Gingerbread House.
Nobisso, J. (2000). Grandpa loved. Gingerbread House
Obershaw, R. (1998). Cry until you laugh: Comforting guidance for coping with grief.
Fairview Press.
O’Toole, D. (1988) Aarvy aardvark finds hope. Compassion Books.
Owens, G. & Cohn, J. (1994). Molly’s Rosebush. Concept Books.
Palmer, P. & Burke, D. (1994). I wish I could hold your hand: A child’s guide to grief &
loss. Impact Pub.
dePaola, T. (2000). Nana upstairs, nana downstairs. Puffin.
Park, B. (1996). Mick Harte was here. Random House Children’s pub.
Peterkin, A. (1992). What about me?: When brothers or sisters get sick. Magination.
Reynolds, R. (1995). Bring me the ocean: Nature as teacher, messenger & intermediary.
Vanderwyk & Burnham.
Rothman, J. (1996). A birthday present for Daniel. Prometheus Books.
Schwiebert, P. & DeKlyen, C. (2001). Tear soup. Perinatal Loss.
Silverman, J. (1999). Help me say goodbye. Fairview Press.
Simon, N. & Rogers, J. (1992). The saddest time. Albert Whiteman & Co.
56
Stickney, D. (1997). Waterbugs & dragonflies: Explaining death to young children.
Pilgrim Press.
Temes, R. (1992). The empty place: A child’s guide through grief. New Horizon Press.
Traisman, E. (1994). A child remembers. Centering Corp.
Turner, B. (1996). A little bit of Rob. Albert Whitman & Co.
Varley, S. (1992). Badger’s party gifts. Mulberry Books.
Bigna, J. (1991). Saying goodbye to daddy. Albert Whitman & Co.
Viorst, J. & Blegvad, E. (1971). The tenth good thing about Barney. Atheneum.
White Deer of Autumn (1992). The great change. Beyond Words Pub. Co.
Wolfelt, A. How I feel: A coloring book for grieving children. Compassion Press.
Woodson, J. (2000). Sweet, sweet memory. Jump at the Sun.
For Teens
Dower, L. (2000). I will remember you: What to do when someone you love dies: A
guidebook through grief for teens. Scholastic Trade.
Dougy Center Staff (1998). Helping teens cope with death. The Dougy Center for
Grieving Children.
Fitzgerald, H. (2000). The grieving teen: A guide for teenagers & their friends. Simon &
Schuster.
Grollman, E. (1993). Straight talk about death for teenagers: How to cope with losing
someone you love. Beacon Press.
Kuehn, E. (2001). After suicide: Living with the questions. Lifematters Press.
Lehmann, L., Jimerson, S. & Gaasch, A. Teens together: grief support group curriculum.
Perschy, M.K. (1997). Helping teens work through grief. Taylor & Francis.
Traisman, E. (1992). Fire in my heart, ice in my veins. Centering Corp.
For Parents
Aub, K. (1995). Children are survivors too: A guide book for young homicide survivors.
Grief Educational Resources.
57
Bernstein, J. (1998). When the bough breaks: Forever after the death of a son or daughter.
Andrews McMeel Publishing.
Braza, K. (1995). To touch a grieving heart: Healing ways to help ourselves & others
walk the journey of grief. Salt Lake City, UT: Panacom Inc.
Callanan, M. & Kelley, P. (1997). Final gifts: Understanding the special awarenesses,
needs, & communications of the dying. Bantam.
Christ, G. (2000). Healing children’s grief: Surviving a parent’s death from cancer.
Oxford University Press.
Coloroso, B. (1995). Kids are worth it! Giving your child the gift of inner discipline.
NY: Avon Books.
Coloroso, B. (2001). Parenting through crisis: Helping kids in times of loss, grief, and
change. NY: Harper Collins.
Davis, D. (1999). Empty cradle, broken heart: Surviving the death of your baby. Fulcrum
Pub.
Dougy Center Staff (1998). Helping children cope with death. The Dougy Center for
Grieving Children.
Emswiler, M. & Emswiler, J. (2000). Guiding your child through grief. NY: Bantam.
Fitzgerald, H. (1992). The grieving child: A parent’s Guide. Fireside.
Fitzgerald, H. (2000). The grieving teen. Simon & Schuster.
Goble, P. (1993). Beyond the ridge. Aladdin Paperbacks.
Goldman, L. (1994). Life & loss: guide to help grieving children. Muncie, IN:
Accelerated Development, Inc.
Grant, J. (1998). When your friend’s child dies: A guide to being a thoughtful and caring
friend. Angel Hugs Publishing.
Harpham, W. (1997). When a parent has cancer: A guide to caring for your children.
Harper Collins.
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