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Tristan
You couldnt imagine a worse month. Well, maybe you
could. But Tristan Burberry couldnt. First, his family
had moved to another city, a move that Tristan was
completely and absolutely against. And if that wasnt
bad enough, Tristans older sister, Bella, took the best
bedroom in the new house.
Why do I get the worst bedroom? Tristan asked.
Its not the worst, his mother said, its more
like . . . almost the best.
But Bella had the best.
And worse than all this, worse by far, was that they
moved after the school year had already started, so
even the new kids were starting to fit in. Tristan wasnt
a new kid. He was a new new kid.
And worse the final worse he was the onlynew
new kid.
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So he sat in his room, unhappy about being in a
new city, a new school, a new house and a new (worst)bedroom.
His mother, who had been looking for reasons that
Tristan might like the new city, had told him that it
had a zoo. Tristan liked animals, and the city where
they used to live didnt have one, and she had promisedhim (again) they would go to this zoo on Saturday.
So on Saturday morning, the last normal Saturday he
would experience for some time, Tristan woke up with
high hopes. He got dressed and went downstairs for
breakfast.
His mother was dressed for work and she was head-
ing out the front door.
Tristan was shocked.
What about the zoo? he asked her.
Oh, sweetheart, his mother said. Maybe next week.
Thats what you said lastweek.
The animals arent going anywhere, dear.
Neither are we, Tristan said.
Im sorry, sweetheart, its been so busy at work.
I just dont have the time. His mother checked her
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pockets for her keys and looked at herself in the hall
mirror. She pushed a few hairs into place. Must rush,she said, kissing the top of his head then closing the
door behind her.
He heard her car tear out of the driveway.
His father suddenly came running out of the kitchen,
balancing a briefcase, a cup of coffee, a piece of toast,the morning paper and a cellphone. He put the whole
piece of toast into his mouth and tried to talkinto thephone.
Humpsturr murp mugle snumpwart.
Dad, I . . .
No time, sport, his dad said, swallowing the toast.
He ran out the door.
But its Saturday, Tristan yelled after him. Its a
holiday.
Every days a holiday when youre a kid, his father
yelled back. Your sisters going to take you to the mall.
Wont that be great? He ran for the bus stop like an
Olympic sprinter.
Bella was twelve and was only nice to Tristan when
there was someone around to see her being nice.
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Whats the point of being nice if there arent any wit-
nesses? She was in the kitchen, combing her hair andeating pizza for breakfast and reading a magazine.
Do we have to go to the mall? Tristan asked.
Wouldnt you rather go to the zoo?
Tristan, the zoo is full ofanimals.
Thats the whole point.Im meeting my friends at the mall. Dont do any-
thing to embarrass me. So, dont do anything.
They took the bus to the mall and Bella met her
friends Sarah and Boink whose real name wasnt
Boink, but it was something almost as weird, which
Tristan had forgotten. All three girls were dressed
the same, and they went to forty-two stores andtried on clothes and all talked at once. His sister
had made friends on the first day of school, another
thing about her that bothered him. He hadnt made
any friends.
Tristan walked ten steps behind his sister, as he
had been instructed. (If you get any closer, even nine
steps, then Im not going to buy you any lunch, she
had warned him.) He stood outside forty-twostores
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and stared at the people going by. Six women asked
him if he was lost.At one store, Bella tried on fourteen sweaters in a
row. Is this too . . . I dont know, she said, turning
sideways in the mirror. Maybe the colours wrong,
or . . .
Or you are wrong, Tristan thought to himself. Orthe mallis wrong, or everythingis wrong.
Its too . . . too something, Bella said.
Too stupid, thought Tristan. Thats the word youre
looking for. Its too stupid.
Bella gave Tristan a look, like she could hear his
thoughts. Which gave Tristan the creeps.
The girls tried on T-shirts, shoes and jeans. Blue
jeans, white jeans, pink jeans, jeans that were ripped,
jeans with stains, jeans with holes, jeans that were
barely even jeans anymore.
They didnt go to the toy store, or the sporting goods
store, or the pet store.
Can we go to the sports store? Tristan asked.
No, Bella said. We cant.
By noon, Tristan was getting hungry.
Can we go and have lunch? he asked his sister.
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Bella gave him a look.
Im hungry, he said.Whatever, Bella said.
They went to the food court and spent an hour
looking at the menus of the different restaurants. They
finally bought Quickie Burgers and Tristan sat at a
separate table while Bella and her friends whisperedand giggled and pointed at everyone who walked by.
After lunch they walked around for what seemed like
three days. They looked at posters for movies that were
playing at the megaplex then didnt go and see any of
them. Tristan had an orange drink that he got from
a hut shaped like an orange, though the drink didnt
actually taste like oranges. He counted the number
of people wearing red hats (thirty-nine), tried on an
itchy brown sweater at a store that Boink took him to,
and counted the number of people he thought might
be aliens (thirty-nine). They finally sat at the fountain
in the middle of the mall.
Can we go now? Tristan asked after a few minutes.
Were not finished, Bella said.
Not finished what? Tristan asked. Were not even
doinganything. Were just killing time.
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Times not dead until I say it is, Bella replied.
Tristan and Bella stayed until the mall closed. They
were the last to leave; the stores were turning out their
lights. Bella had bought a T-shirt, which she thought
was cool three hours ago, but now she wasnt so sure.
What do you want to do now? Bella asked herfriends.
My moms expecting me for dinner, Sarah said. Id
invite you over, except . . . She nodded in the direction
of Tristan, who was standing ten steps to the side.
I have to go too, Boink said.
Come on, Tristan, Bella called over to him. Were
going home now.
Tristan was relieved. It had been the longest day of his
life. He and Bella got on a bus and sat three seats apart.
At home Bella took a frozen dinner out for Tristan.
Tristan read the box, which said, NEW IMPROVED
sugar-free packaging, organic-looking, chicken-
flavoured, pizza-shaped . . . He couldnt read the small
print after that. Bella put it in the microwave for five
minutes, then put it on the table and left to watch TV.
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Tristan took a bite. Its still cold in the middle,
he said.Thats why theyre called frozen dinners, Einstein,
his sister said.
Bella watched TV, clicking the channel changer
every five seconds for two hours. Theres nothing on
TV, she finally said, and went up to her bedroom.Tristan stayed downstairs and played with his
Merlin Super Magic Box. It was supposed to do all
kinds of magical things. Except it didnt. It didnt do
anything magical. Which was the problem with so
many things in the world, he thought. They didnt do
what you thought they would. They werent magic. He
finally fell asleep on the living room floor.
And thats where his parents found him when they
came home an hour later.
Oh, look, his mother said. The poor dear. She
picked him up and carried him up the stairs and put
him in his bed.
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