Self-acceptance:Thecompassionatealternativetoself-esteem
DrRichardBennettClinicalPsychologist
www.thinkpsychology.co@thinkpsychol
Overview
• Self-acceptanceandself-esteem– Definingconcepts– RelationshiptoACTandRFTtheory– Usefulstrategiesforpromotingadialoguebasedaroundself-acceptance
Withoutwhom…
• StevenHayes,KirkStrosahl,KellyWilson,YvonneBarnes-Holmes,DermotBarnes-Holmes,LouiseMcHugh,Mairead Foody,RussHarris,AlbertEllis,WindyDryden,NiklasTorneke,Rikke Kjelgaard,PeterTrower,JasonJones
• TheentireACBScommunity
Definingtheself• ‘Theself’lacksoperationaldefinition• RFToffersadevelopmentalaccountoftheselfvialearning‘deictic’or‘perspective’relations– IvYou– HerevThere– NowvThen
• Overtime,aconsistentanddistinctsenseof‘I-ness’isdevelopedinrelationtootherperspectives
McHughL,Barnes-HolmesY,Barnes-HolmesD(2004)Perspective-takingasrelational responding:adevelopmentalprofile.PsycholRec,54:115-144.
Definingtheself• ‘I-here-now’coherenceiscrucialaswemature,but…• …”Gooddevelopmentgetsyouintobadtrouble”(YvonneBarnes-Holmes)
• Developmentsupportsfusion– excessiveco-ordinationbetween‘I-ness’andcontent– tendencytoco-ordinatejudgements alongasingledimension
– highregulationofbehavioural functionsasaconsequence
DeSoto,C.B(1961).ThePredilection forSingleOrderings.JournalofAbnormalandSocialPsychology,62,16-23McHughL,StewartI(2012).TheSelfandPerspectiveTaking:ContributionsandApplicationsFromModernBehavioralScience.Dublin:NewHarbingerPublications
Definingself-esteem
• Theconceptofself-esteemhastwocomponents:– Self
• Thesummationofyour(verbal)history• Allbehaviours/emotions/sensations/thoughts/fantasies/physiology/characteristics/traits/talents/skills/dreams
– The‘self’isextremelycomplex– The‘self’isconstantlychanging
Definingself-esteem
• Theconceptofself-esteemhastwocomponents:– Esteem
• Fromtheverb‘estimate’• Synonyms:judge/rate/evaluate
– Consider• Whyarepeopleesteemed?• Howdotheybecomeesteemed?
Definingself-esteem• Alearned,globaljudgmentabouttheself…whichshapeshow
thepersonthinks,feelsandbehavesonaday-to-daybasis• Theoverallopinionwehaveofourselves,howwejudgeor
evaluateourselves,thevalueweattachtoourselvesaspeople• Itisagenericcognitiverepresentationoftheself(aschema),
basedonperceptionandexperiencethatis:– Learned– Self-maintaining– Resistanttochange– Aninfluenceoninformationprocessingandbehaviouralresponses
Fennell,M.(1999).OvercomingLowSelfEsteem.Edinburgh: Constable&Robinson.
Thelanguageoflowself-esteem
• “Ican’tcope.I’mworthless”• “Ifailed.Ialwaysfail.I’mafailure”• “Sheleftme.IknowI’munloveable”
Hierachical deicticrelations
I-ness ContentConten
t I-ness
✓ ✗Foody, M, Barnes-Holmes, Y & Barnes-Holmes, D. (2013). An Empirical Investigation of Hierachicalversus Distinction Relations in a Self-based ACT exercise. International Journal of Psychology and Psychological Therapy, 13, 3, 373-388
Ishighself-esteemtheremedy?
• Lowself-esteeminvolvesconsistentlygivingones’complexandchanging‘self’asingle,global,negativerating.
• Highself-esteeminvolvesconsistentlygivingones’complexandchanging‘self’asingle,global,positiverating.
• Isthattheanswer?• TakeapieceofA4paper…
Theratinggame
Self (bad) (good)
(good)
(bad)Action / Effect / Characteristic
Wessler, RA & Wessler, RL (1980). The Principles and Practice of Rational-Emotive Therapy, Jossey-Bass
Apredilectionforsingleorderings
(bad)
(good) (good)
(bad)
Action / Effect / Characteristic
Wessler, RA & Wessler, RL (1980). The Principles and Practice of Rational-Emotive Therapy, Jossey-Bass
Self
Overcomingtheratinggame
• Youcanrateitscharacteristics
• Youcannotrateitsessence
• Arehumansmorecomplexthanchairs?
Whyisself-esteemproblematic?
• Self-esteeminvolvestworatingswhenonewillsuffice– “DoingbetteratmyworkisabetterthingandthereforeIamabetterperson”
– Thesecondpartisnotnecessaryandrepresentsalogicalerror• Thewhole-parterror
– Itinvolvesconceptualisingtheselfonthebasisofcontent• Thepizzametaphor
Whyisself-esteemproblematic?
• Humansareofequalworthirrespectiveofwhattheyhaveachievedordone,orwhatishappeningaroundthem– IsmyworthasapersonenhancedifIperformwellatsomething?
– IsmyworthasapersondiminishedifIperformbadlyatsomething?
– Wouldyouraiseachildtobelievethis?• E.g.childdoesagoodactandyousay“GoodBoy!”orbehavesbadlyandyousay“Badboy!!!”
– Whatwouldbetheimpactuponthemifyoudid?
Whyisself-esteemproblematic?
• Itdeniesourcomplexity– Youcansampletheselfbutglobalratingsarenothelpful
– Suchratingstendtoexertcontroloverbehaviouralfunctionsandlimitourrepertoire
• Esteemratingsareconditional– Conditionalhighself-esteemisfleeting
• ‘Improving’self-esteemoftenreducesmotivationtochange– Itcanexternalisecontrolandresponsibility
Workingtoraiseself-esteempromotestheswappingofoneconceptualisedselfforanother
ThisisnotconsistentwithACT
Hayes,S.,Strosahl, K,Wilson, K.(1999)AcceptanceandCommitmentTherapy.NewYork:GuilfordPress
It’sthecontextthatcounts
Marshall et al (2015) Self-compassion protects against the negative effects of low self-esteem: A longitudinal study in a large adolescent sample. Journal of Personality and Individual Differences, 74, 116-121
Keytherapeutictargets
• Weakeningfusionwithself-criticismandself-conceptualisations
• Strengtheningdeicticframingrepertoiresinvolvedincultivatingself-perspective-takingandself-as-context
• Constructingandenactingavalueofself-compassionthroughself-acceptance
Yadavaia etal(2014)UsingACTtoincrease self-compassion:arandomizedcontrolledtrial. JournalofContextualBehavioralScience,3,248-257
Unconditionalself-acceptance
• Analternativetotheconceptofself-esteem• InitiallypromotedbyAlbertEllisasakeyfeatureofRationalEmotiveBehaviourTherapy(REBT)
• Aresurgentideainthirdwavecognitivebehaviouraltherapies
Ellis, A.(2005)TheMythofSelf-esteem.NewYork:PrometheusBooks
Unconditionalself-acceptance
• Promotingunconditionalself-acceptance– Humanbeingsaretoocomplextogiveasinglerating– Inouressence,weare
• Un-rateable,althoughitmaybeworkableforustorateaspectsofourselvesinordertotakecreditforpositivequalitiesoraddresslessdesirableones.
• Influx– everchanging• Fallible– incurabletendencytomakemistakes• Unique– just likeeveryoneelse!• Equaltoothersintermsofasharedhumanitybutunequalinspecificways
“Youloveapersonbecauseheorshehaslovabletraits,butyouaccepteverybodyjustbecausethey’realiveandhuman”
AlbertEllis
Unconditionalself-acceptance
• Promotingunconditionalself-acceptance– Allaroundtheworldpeoplehaveasharedsenseof‘human-ness’- weareallcomposedofgood/bad/indifferentqualities
– Weallhavethesameintrinsicworth– Wearenotdefinedbyourbehaviours
• Doingabadthingdoesnotmakeoneabadperson• Doingagoodthingdoesnotmakeoneagoodperson
Dryden,W.(1999)HowtoAcceptYourself.London: SheldonPress
Unconditionalself-acceptance• Unconditionalself-acceptanceencouragesapersonto
noticeaspectsoftheirexperiencebutdiscouragessomeonefromassigningaglobalnegativeself-rating…– …whereasself-esteemencouragesthepersontoratetheir
whole‘self’• Unconditionalself-acceptanceencouragesapersontotake
abroadperspectiveonaspectsoftheirself…– …whereasself-esteeminfluencespeopletoseetheselfina
limitedcontext• Unconditionalself-acceptancepromotesflexible
perspectivetakingandavoidsover-generalconceptualisation– …whereasself-esteemleadspeopletowardrigidityandfusion
withaconceptualisedself
Let’sgetreal…
• Unconditionalselfacceptancecanbelearnt(butnotpracticedperfectlyorallofthetime)
• Internalizingitisdifficultandinvolveshardwork
• So,wheretostart?
AcompassionatestanceviaRFT
Therapist Client
Content Content
McHugh, L & Stewart, I. (2012) The Self and Perspective Taking. Oakland: New Harbinger
AcompassionatestanceviaRFT
• Promoteself-otherco-ordinationthroughperspectivetaking(“IfIwereyou…”)– Validatethepresenceofthecontent– Validatetheemotionalimpactofthecontent– Validatethebehaviouralcontrolexertedbythecontent
• Source:YvonneBarnes-Holmes(2015)
AcompassionatestanceviaRFT
• Promoteself-contentdistinction– Observethecontent– Discriminatebetweenselfandcontent– Presentopportunitytochoose
• E.g.tomakechoicesthatarenotaboutyoubeinggovernedbyyourcontent
Verbalstrategiesforpromotingselfacceptance
• Discouragingglobalconceptualisations– Noticingthedifferencebetweencontextandcontent• Theskyandtheweather(RussHarris)• Thechessboardmetaphor(Hayes,Strosahl,Wilson)• Thepizzametaphor(JasonJones)• Ratingachair(PeterTrower)• Thefruitbowlmetaphor(RuthandRichardWessler)• “BigI,Littlei”technique(ArnoldLazarus)
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Videodemonstration– “Iamselfish”
• Watchtheclip,whichincorporates:– Theskyandtheweathermetaphor– Amindfulnessprocessbasedonhierarchicaldeicticrelations
• Noticeandreflectupon:– Theverbalcontentofthesession– Therelationalprocessbetweentherapistandclient
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