Download - Oneliners & Proverbs

8/3/2019 Oneliners & Proverbs

1/28

A closed mind is a good thing to lose.

A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood. (Chinese proverb)

A college professor asked his class a question. If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles

from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I.

One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor your 44.."

The Professor said "you're absolutely correct, but tell me how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"

The student said. "You see professor I have a brother, he's 22 and he's half nuts."

A Committee/conference is a group of people who individually can do nothing, but as a group decide that nothing

can be done.

A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the statement of an agreeable untruth. (Sir John A.

MacDonald)

A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.

A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago.

A conservative is a worshipper of dead radicals.

Acquaintance: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

A crisis is when you can't say: "let's forget the whole thing".

A crumb from a winner's table is better than a feast from a loser's table!

Action may not always be happiness, but there is no happiness without action.

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass

cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-

covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."

Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear Harold,........ At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute,

"How come you called God, Harold? The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know

the prayer we say, "Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name."

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't

have to hear about the way his mother cooked. (Kimberley Broyles)

A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.

A diet is a selection of food that makes other people lose weight.

A diplomatic husband said to his wife, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any

older?"

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.


2/28

A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything.

A dog inside a kennel barks at his fleas. A dog hunting does not notice them.

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and

take good care of me... They must be Gods!

A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and

take good care of me... I must be a God!

A dog who attends a flea circus most likely will steal the whole show.

Adolescence and snow are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline. (Harvey Mackay)

A drop of ink may make a million think.

A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts.

Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes.We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

Adversity doesnt build character, it reveals it.

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and keep away from

children.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. (Erica Jong)

A face without freckles is like a sky without stars.

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in on the experience. (Elbert Hubbard)

A fair face may fade, but a beautiful soul lasts forever.

A fall will always make a wise man wiser. (ancient Chinese)

A family came home from Church where the sermon was on Adam and Eve.

The Mother noticed the boy sitting on the bed feeling his ribs.

She asked what he was doing.

He said, "I counted these things 3 times now. Ma ! I think I'm having a wife."

A farmer learns more from a bad harvest than a good one.

A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be.

A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."

The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and

flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked: "What happened to the flea?"

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. (C.S. Lewis)


3/28

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

A five year old boy was sitting down to eat when his mother asked him to pray for his meal.

He replied, "Mom we don't have to. We prayed over this last night."

His mother had prepared leftovers from the day before.

A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma.

Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?"

The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail."

A flea and a fly in a flue

were imprisoned so what could they do?

Said the flea "let us fly"

said the fly" let us flee"

so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed by a gas station on a lonely country road.

On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him.

"Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked.

"No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds, "It stands for "Unleaded Fuel Only."

A French guest, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"

A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you become, and still

gently invites you to grow.

A friend is someone that won't begin to talk behind your back when you leave the room.

A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadows.

A friend is someone who has the same enemies you have. (Abraham Lincoln)

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the

words.

A friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

A friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.

A friend to all is a friend to none.

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always isto shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The pastor said, "You need to join the Army

of the Lord!" My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see

you except at Christmas and Easter?" He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

After hearing two eyewitness accounts of the same accident, you begin to wonder about history.

After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program

arrives with an all-new command structure. (Thoreau's First Theory of Adaptation)


4/28

After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.

Success should not go to head and failure should not go to heart. (Tamil proverb)

TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More.

Light travels faster than sound... which is why most people appear brilliant until you hear them.

Happiness is like a butterfly, which when pursued is just beyond your grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly

may alight upon you. (Hawthorne)

There are two kinds of people, those who do the work, and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group;

there is less competition there. (Indira Gandhi)

The larger the lake of knowledge the longer the shore of wonder.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, then the world will know peace. (Jimi Hendrix)

There is a light at the end of every tunnel; just pray it's not a train.

You were born as an original. Don't die as a copy.

If I knew grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would have had them first!

If you let go of the past, it no longer has a hold on you.

There is a certain freedom in having nothing left to lose.

Rules + Regulations - Relationships = Resentment + Rebellion.

When I stand before the Lord, I'd rather explain why I went, rather than why I didn't go.

We do what we believe; the rest is just a bunch of religious talk.

Of course men can multitask, they read on the toilet.

Friendship should not be sought, but is usually found both by chance and good luck.

Enthusiasm can be like a fire that needs an occasional poke with a stick.

The envious praise me unknowingly. (Kahlil Gibran)

A lasting marriage consists of the 3 C's;

Commitment

Communication

Compromise.

(Lilly)

If you can laugh with a person, you can work with a person.

Strive for perfection in everything you do.

Take the best that exists and make it better.


5/28

When it does not exist, design it.

(Sir Frederick Henry Royce - of Rolls-Royce)

Smile is contagious; just smile at someone and see their reaction.

It takes a day to find a friend, a moment to lose them but a lifetime to forget them.

He, who doesn't hope to win has already lost. (Simon Bolivar)

Don't follow the crowd, let the crowd follow you.

Making your good times count and not forgeting your bad times makes a man sucessful.

Talent is useless without training, thank God. (Mark Twain)

Relationships-- of all kinds-- are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where

it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may

hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for

the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away

and is lost. (Kaleel Jamison)

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. (Ralph Waldo

Emerson)

Fate decides who walks into your life, you decide who you let stay, who you let walk away, and who you refuse to let

walk out.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been

missing until it arrives.

Don't make someone a priority, who only makes you an option.

If a man is not there for you at your worst, he does not deserve to see you at your best.

It is the pain of sacrifice or the pain of regret.

He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper. (Edmund

Burke)

It's good to have money and all the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to make sure you haven't lost the

things that money can't buy. (George Horace Lorimer)

Friendship is not about who came first or who cares the most. It is all about who came in your life and never left.

Contingencies have tendencies to become dependencies. (W. Thomas McQueeney)

When you take things for granted, the things you are granted, get taken. (Phil Hennessy)

The older I get, the smarter my Dad gets. (Mark Twain)

The search for wisdom is a great challenge; to act on wisdom is an even greater challenge. (Jagad Guru)

Charity may begin at home, but if it goes no further, it's no longer charity. It's clan loyalty.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


6/28

Advice for the day: If you have a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two, and keep away from

children.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a

vegetarian.

When the well's dry, we know the worth of water. (Ben Franklin)

A succesful man makes more money than his woman can spend.

A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.

If you can't dance, don't blame the dance floor.

The road to a friends house is never long. (Swedish proverb)

The time to ensure that the toilet works is before you really need it.

Making enemies out of friends is easy.

Making friends out of enemies is difficult, but it is actually worthwhile.

Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others (Otto von Bismark)

When the congregation falls asleep it is time for the minister to wake up.

The measure of greatness is not found in your accomplishments. Its in how much discouragement it takes to stop

you.

People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. There is much chaos in this world because things are

being loved and people are being used.

Laziness is the mother of all vice... but, it's a mother and you should respect her! (Spanish popular wisdom)

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home,

grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a

Japanese TV.

Talent hits the target which no one else can hit; genius hits the target which no one else can see.

A beautiful relationship does not depend upon how good we understand someone but on how well we avoid

misunderstandings.

Wisdom will keep you from getting into situations where you need it. (Bruce M. Sandbrook)

Opportunity is a bald man with a beard: You can catch him coming, but you can' t catch him going.

What is worth having is worth waiting for.

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. (Robert Frost)

An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind. (Mohandas Gandhi)

As long as people keep killing people, to stop the killing of people, the killing will go on.

If love was a raindrop I would send you a shower


7/28

If hope was a minute I would send you an hour

If happiness was a leaf I would send you a tree

If you need a friend you will always have me!

Surely it's no coincidence that the word "listen" is an anagram of the word "silent".

May every day of your life together be worse than the next. (Old Irish wedding blessing)

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee. (Abraham Lincoln)

A good match blows fire...

You may have grown old, but you may not have grown up.

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

A Sunday school teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible,

Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Rick was excited about the task - but he just

couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. Then came the day that the

kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation. When it was his turn, Rick stepped up to themicrophone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"

"No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms?"

A Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah, the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She

explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then

Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four

times - "Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the

steer on the altar?"

A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, " I know, I know!" she said, "To make the gravy!"

Friendship

Thought

Proverbs

Education

Sermon

Twinkle

Marriage

Entertainment

Friendship


8/28

A Sunday school teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason

interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into

a telephone pole!"

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.

"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites

out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across

safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the

Israelites were saved."

"No Joey, is that really what the teacher taught you?" his mother asked.

"Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

The banquet was about to begin when the master of ceremonies was informed that the clergyman invited to give the

blessing was unable to attend.

He asked the main speaker if he would oblige, and the man agreed.

He began, "There is no clergyman present, let us thank God."

If you need time alone, try cleaning the house.

If I never had a bad day, how would I know whether I was having a good day? (Lee)

Looks capture the eyes.

Personality captures the heart.

Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is

organize by the Swiss.

Hell is where the police are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all

organized by the Italians!

(Eliane Kirchner)

When you give and don't expect anything back that's love. But if you give and expect a return it's an investment.

God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother

the lens was no where to be found.

Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.

"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.

"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for

$150."

Laughter is a smile with the volume turned up.

Sometimes we all have days where we are 386's in a P4 world.

Have you ever noticed how the contents of a box are much more interesting before the box is opened?


9/28

It is okay to visit your past just don't bring any luggage with you.

Don't ask God to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet.

There's a book that tells you where you should go on your vacation. It's called your checkbook.

Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more. (Cowper)

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did. (Mark

Twain)

You can't expect people to look eye to eye with you if you are looking down on them.

We can't always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future. (Franklin D. Roosevelt)

Be not simply good; be good for something. (Henry David Thoreau)

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. (Winston Churchill)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

A children's catechism class was learning the Apostles Creed. Each child had been assigned a sentence to repeat.

The first one said, "I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth."

The second child said, "I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son."When he had completed his sentence, there was an

embarrassing silence.

Finally, one child piped up, "Teacher, the boy who believes in the Holy Spirit isn't here."

People laugh because I'm different, I laugh because they're all the same.

My Sunday school class of kindergartners was studying the creation story.

After several weeks, we were ready to review.

"What did God make the first day?" I quizzed.

"The second day?" They answered both questions correctly.

"And what happened on the third day?" I asked.

One little child, face shining with enthusiasm, exclaimed, "He rose from the dead!"

Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future.

Faith is having the courage to dance to it today.

You can't make someone else's choices. You shouldn't let someone else make yours. (Colin Powell)

Impossibility simply means I'm possibility. (Monsieur Nana Adom)

Faith is personal, but never private.

Tears are the baptism of the soul.


10/28

Utility is when you have one telephone,

luxury is when you have two,

and paradise is when you have none.

A politician is the one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Quality rather than quantity determines your success.

Turn the despair of being alone into the wonder of being alone with God.

Don't protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.

Baby: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

Bacteria: the only culture some people have.

Bad planing on your part does not necessarily constitute an automatic emergency on my part.

Be as friendly to the janitor as you are to the chairman of the board.

Beat me with the truth, don't torture me with lies.

Be at peace with yourself first and then you will be able to bring peace to others. (Thomas A. Kempis)

Beautiful faces are those that wear whole-souled honesty printed there. (Ellen Palmer Allerton)

Beautiful hands are those that do.....

deeds that are noble, good, and true.

Beautiful young people are acts of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I'm not one to judge.

Beauty is only skin deep...but ugly goes all the way to the bone!

Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you.

Be beautiful if you can, wise if you want to...

But be respected, that is essential. (Anna Gould)

Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. (Mark Twain)

Be careful of the words you say.

And keep them soft and sweet.

For you never know from day to day.

Which ones you'll have to eat.

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

Because you are someone special


11/28

I send jou my love today

For you are verry wonderful

In each and every way

Been there, done that and have the tee-shirt to prove it.

Before a man can stand he must learn to kneel.

Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children.

Now I have six children and no theories. (John Wilmot)

Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy they are who already possess it.

(Francois de La Rochefoucauld)

Before you can break out of prison, you must realize that you are locked up.

Before you point your fingers be sure your hands are clean.

Be good or be good at it!

Be grateful for the gifts you have rather than lament those you have not.

Behaviour is a mirror in which everyone shows his image. (Goethe)

Behind every successful man is his woman.

Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo)

Being Australian is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, and then travelling home,

grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a

Japanese TV.

Being cool, is not trying to be cool.

Being listened to and heard is one of the greatest desires of the human heart. (Richard Carlson)

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are - you aren't. (Margaret Thatcher)

Being right is highly overrated. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Being yourself is being the person everyone else wants you to be.

Believe in miracles, but don't depend on them.

Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts. (F.F. Bosworth)

Be like the flower that perfumes the very hand that crushes it.

Be more concerned about your character than about your reputation, because your character is what you really are,

while your reputation is merely what others think of you.

Be nice to everyone on your way to the top because you pass them all on the way down. (Fred A. Hufnagel Sr.)

Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still. (Chinese proverb)


12/28

Be not simply good; be good for something. (Henry David Thoreau)

Be of use, but don't be used.

Be slow in choosing a friend, slower in changing. (Benjamin Franklin)

Best friends don't ask you: "Is something wrong?"

Best friends ask you: "Whats wrong?"

B(est) I(nformation) B(efore) L(eaving) E(arth).

Be tender to the young, compassionate to the aged, tolerant with the weak. For in your life you will be all of these.

Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.

Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.

Better a good heart than a fair face. (Japenese proverb)

Better an end with pain, than pain with no end.

Better to bend than to break. (Indian proverb)

Better to light a candle, than to curse the darkness.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. (Abraham Lincoln)

Better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.

Better untaught than ill-taught.

Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.

Be who you are and say what you feel: because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. (Dr.Suess)

Be ye fishers of men, you catch them -- He will clean them.

Be yourself- who else is better qualified? (Frank J. Giblin II)

Big doesn't necessarily mean better..sunflowers aren't better than violets.

Big Ideas are so hard to recognize, so fragile, so easy to kill. Don't forget that, all of you who don't have them. (John

Elliot, Jr.)

BIRTHDAY BELIEF SYSTEMS

Idealism: Happy Birthday.

Capitalism: I shopped all day for your birthday.

Atheism: I can't believe it's your birthday.

Hinduism: Holy Cow! Is it your birthday?

Taoism: It's everybody's birthday.


13/28

Buddhism: If your birthday party was held in the forest and nobody came... would it make a sound?

Existentialism: Your birthday means nothing to me.

Sarcasm: You don't look half bad for someone twice your age.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. (Rev. Larry Lorenzoni)

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape. (Michael McGriff, M.D.)

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. (Herbert Hoover)

Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused.

Blessed is he who doesn't show hatefulness over what is lost, but instead, shows gratefulness over what is left.

Blessed is he who, having nothing to say, refrained from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.

B positive is not my blood group, still its in my blood.

Bones; there are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: two bones of the middle ear have never beenbroken in a skiing accident.

Boredom is a sign of unused potential.

Boredom sets into boring minds.

Born twice, die once. Born once, die twice.

Borrow money from pessimists.

They don't expect it back.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Buses stop at bus stations, trains at train stations, my desk has a workstation.

Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs.

But the lies we live will always be confessed in the stories that we tell. (Orson Scott Card)

By learning to obey, you will know how to command. (Italian Proverb)

By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. (Mark Twain)

Cancer is so limited, It cannot corrode faith, It cannot shatter hope,It cannot kill friendships, It cannot cripple love, It

cannot destroy peace, It cannot silence courage, It cannot suppress memories, It cannot conquer the spirit.


14/28

Can't never could do anything.

Till could came along and whipped Can't butt...

now can't can do a lot.

Can't never did anything but fail (Mr. Eaton)

Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable? I guess the definition of adulthood is that

you want to sleep. (Paula Poundstone)

Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic.

Chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. (Warren Buffet)

Challenges can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It's just a matter of how you view them.

Change your thoughts and you change your world. (Norman Vincent Peale)

Changing one thing for the better is worth more than proving a thousand things are wrong.

Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

(Abraham Lincoln)

Character is made by what you stand for; reputation, by what you fall for. (Robert Quillen)

Character is what a person is in the dark. (Dwight Moody)

Charity begins at home. Success begins at work.

Charity may begin at home, but if it goes no further, it's no longer charity. It's clan loyalty.

Charm is getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. (Albert Camus)

Cheerfulness is contagious, but don't wait to catch it from others. Be a "carrier".

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need do to lose weight is to take a bath.

Children are natural mimics. They act like their parents in spite of every attempt to teach them good manners.

Children go through four life stages with dads:

1) They call you da-da.

2) They call you daddy.

3) They call you dad.

4) They call you collect.

Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.

Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it. (Harold S. Hulbert)

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.


15/28

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.(Confucius)

Choose well. Your choice is brief, and yet endless. (Goethe)

Choose your love, love your choice.

Christians aren't perfect, they're just forgiven!

Church is the only place I know, where I can arrive late and get the best seats in the house!

Church is the only society on earth that exists for the benefit of non-members. (William Temple)

Church members are either pillars or caterpillars..the pillars hold up the church, and the caterpillars just crawl in and

out.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing

is like shoveling the walk before it has stopped snowing.

Clock: A small mechanical device to wake up people without children.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. (Mark Twain)

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Coins are made by mint of metal.

Character is made by dint of mettle.

Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.

College is that bright interlude of freedom a young man has between subjection to his mother and submission to his

wife.

Come, work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of

this world.

Coming together is a beginning,

Staying together is progress,

Working together is success. (Henry Ford)

Committee: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

Common sense is genius dressed up in work clothes. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Communication by empathy is a talent that few possess.

Compromise: the art of dividing a cake so that everybody believes he or she got the biggest piece.

Conditions are never just right. People who delay action until all factors are favorable do nothing. (William Feather)

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.


16/28

Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions. (Earl

Gray Stevens)

Confrontation doesn't always bring a solution to the problem, but until you confront the problem, there will be no

solution. (James Baldwin)

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Consider how hard it is to change yourself; and you will understand what little chance you have trying to change

others.

Constant use will wear out anything... especially friends.

Consumers are statistics, customers are people.

Contentment is not to be found in having what you want, but rather wanting what you have

Contingencies have tendencies to become dependencies. (W. Thomas McQueeney)

Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct. (Thomas Carlyle)

Copy from one its plagiarism.

Copy from two its research.

Count your blessings instead of your crosses,

Count you gains instead of your losses,

Count your joys instead of your woes,

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your courage instead of your fears,

Count your laughs instead of your tears.

Count your full years instead of your lean,

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth,

Count on God instead of yourself.

(Irish Blessing)

Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says...I'll try again

tommorrow.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.

(Ambrose Redmoon)

Courage is not the absence of fear.

Courage is the precence of fear with the capacity to manage and overcome it.


17/28

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak.

Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. (Winston Churchill)

Creation of woman from the rib of Man:

She was not made from his head to top him;

nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him;

but out of his side to be equal with him,

under his arm to be protected,

and near his heart to be loved.

Crime has already been organised. Now it's up to the police.

Criticism should always leave people with the feeling that they have been helped.

Cultivate money and you grow rich.

Cultivate mind and you raise culture.

He who angers you controls you!

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. (Chinese proverb)

He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey.

He who blames himself is halfway there. He who blames no one has arrived.

(Chinese proverb)

He who breaks a thing to find out what it is, has left the path of wisdom. (J.R.R. Tolkien)

He who builds to every man's advice will have a crooked house. (Danish proverb)

He who buys what he does not need steals from himself.

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed. (Albert Einstein)

He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. (George Herbert)

He who can take no interest in what is small, will take false interest in what is great.

He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.

He, who doesn't hope to win has already lost. (Simon Bolivar)

He who fails to prepare, prepares to fail.

He who feels that he is too small to make a difference has never been bitten by a mosquito.

He who has a thing to sell and goes and whispers in a well

is not as apt to get the dollars

as he who climbs a tree and hollers.

He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.


18/28

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

He who is not grateful for the good things he has would not be happy with what he wishes he had.

He who kneels before God can stand before anyone!

He who kneels the most stands best. (D.L. Moody)

He who knows not and knows not that he knows not is a fool. Shun him.

He who knows not and knows that he knows not is a child. Teach him.

He who knows and knows not that he knows is asleep. Wake him.

He who knows and knows that he knows is a wise man. Follow him. (Arab Proverb)

He who knows others is learned.

He who knows himself is wise. (Lao Tse 604-531 BC)

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one should never remember it.

He who sees the calamity of other people finds his own calamity light. (Arabian Proverb)

He who slings mud looses ground.

He who stands for nothing, falls for anything.

He who wrestles with us, strengthens our nerves and sharpens our skills. Our antagonist is our helper. (Edmund

Burke)

History is a selective interpretation of events designed to justify those currently in power.

Memory is the same thing on an individual scale.

History is a set of lies agreed upon by the victors.

History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up.

Hoffer's law: When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another.

Holding on to a hurt creates more hurt.

Hollywood's a place where they'll pay you a thousand dollars for a kiss, and fifty cents for your soul. (Marilyn

Monroe)

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. (Franklin P.

Jones)

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless

of how it turns out. (Vaclav Havel)


19/28

Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future.

Faith is having the courage to dance to it today.

Hospital is a place where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

Hospitality is making your guests feel at home -- even when you wish they were.

Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.

Housework is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.

How do you start your days?

Good morning Lord or Good Lord, morning.

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. (Shakespeare)

How far you go in life is determined by how tender you are with the young, compassionate with the aged,

sympathetic with those striving, and tolerant with the weak and strong, because some day in life you will have been

all of them.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

How would you like to spend eternity: Smoking or Non-Smoking?

Hugs are not measured by quantity; they are measured by quality.

Humans are interesting creatures, when given everything they need, they can't live through hardships.

But when given very little they surpass every hardship.

Humans are like tea bags. They never realize their strength until they are put in hot water.

Human things must be known to be loved: but Divine things must be loved to be known.

Humor to a man is like a feather pillow.

It is filled with what is easy to get but gives great comfort.

Hurt leads to bitterness, bitterness to anger, travel too far that road and the way is lost(Terry Brooks)

Hymns appropriate to the occasion.

Dentist's Hymn -- "Crown Him with Many Crowns"

TV Weatherman's Hymn -- "Showers of Blessing"Contractor's Hymn -- "The Church's One Foundation"

Tailor's Hymn -- "Holy, Holy, Holy"

Golfer's Hymn -- "There Is a Green Hill Far Away"

Politician's Hymn -- "Standing on the Promises"

IRS Hymn -- "All to Thee"

Gossiper's Hymn -- "Pass it On"

Electrician's Hymn -- "Send the Light"

Shopper's Hymn -- "Sweet By and By"

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:

at 45 mph.... "God Will Take Care of Me"

at 55 mph.... "Guide me, O Great Jehovah"


20/28

at 65 mph.... "Nearer My God to Thee"

at 75 mph.... "Nearer Still Nearer"

at 85 mph.... "This World is Not My Home"

at 95 mph.... "Lord, I'm Coming Home"

at 100 mph.... "Precious Memories"

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal. (Hannah More)

Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these is: "It might have been".

Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart. (Henry Ward Beecher)

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Of course men can multitask, they read on the toilet.

Of course, there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off.

Often a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. (Jim Backus)

Often, the only way to comfort the suffering is to understand that you can't understand and just be there.

Oh Lord, help me to keep my big mouth shut until I know what I'm talking about.

Oh, the worst of all tragedies is not to die young, but to live until I am seventy-five and yet not ever truly to have

lived. (Martin Luther King Jr.)

Old hippies never die, they just surrender to society. (Stephe)

Old love letters are like souvenirs from the past.

Don't just throw them away. (Natasha Isabelle)

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.

On a front door: Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.

On anniversaries the wise husband may forget the past... but better never forget the present.

On a very cold, snowy Sunday in February, only the pastor and one farmer arrived at the village church. The pastor

said, "Well, I guess we won't have a service today." The farmer replied: "Heavens!, if even only one cow shows up at

feeding time, I feed it."

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box. (Italian Proverb)

One afternoon after a rainstorm, I noticed one of the most beautiful rainbows I had ever seen. I called my 3-year-old

daughter, Ashley, to the door so we could go outside and look at it together. With wide eyes she carefully studied it

until finally she looked at me and said, "But, Mommy, where is the ark?"

One can resist an intrusion of armies but not an idea whose time has come. (Victor Hugo)

One day a lady criticized D. L. Moody for his methods of evangelism in attempting to win people to the Lord.

Moody's reply was "I agree with you. I don't like the way I do it either. Tell me, how do you do it?"

The lady replied, "I don't do it."

Moody responded "I like my way of doing it better than your way of not doing it."

One day, your life will flash in front of your eyes...

Make it worth watching.

One evening an old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a "battle" that goes on inside people. He said, "My son,

the battle is between 2 "wolves" inside us all.


21/28

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,

superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth,

compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:

"Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

One good thing about forgetting is that you can no longer worry about what ever it was you forgot.

One half of the world will never understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in.

One man with courage is a majority. (Thomas Jefferson 1743-1826)

One must learn how to lose before learning how to play. (Mexican Proverb)

One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.

One often learns more from ten days of agony than from ten years of contentment. (Merle Shain)

One of the ceaseless wonders of the world is the power of a smile. (Malcolm S. Forbes)

One of the most important things a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

One of the most important things in communication is to hear what is not being said. (Peter Drucker)

One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present.

In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. (Stephen R. Covey)

One of the most lasting pleasures you can experience is the feeling that comes over you when you genuinely forgive

an enemy - whether he knows it or not. (O. A. Battista)

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors. (Plato)

One of the surest hindrances to the recovery of the sick is the centring of attention upon themselves. (Ellen White)

One reason why computers can do more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.

One thing you can give and still keep, is your word.

One time a windshield wiper will work properly is when it is holding a parking ticket.

One unable to dance blames the unevenness of the floor. (Malaysian proverb)

One who looks for a friend without faults will have none.

One will never reach distant shores,

if he chooses to remain upon the dock,

In fear his little ship of dreams

may be dashed against the rocks. (F.Bolen)

One with God is a majority. (Billy Graham)

One Youngster was explaining to another what "mixed emotions" meant. "It's like watching the school burn down

when your new catcher's mitt is in your desk," he said.

Only boring people get bored. (Robin Beyer)

Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fries, and a diet coke.


22/28

Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in

boxes in the garage.

Only one life, it will soon be past.

Only what's done for Christ will last. (C. T. Studd)

Only the winners decide what were war crimes. (Gary Willis)

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. (Sicilian Proverb)

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers. A

little voice from the back of the room asked: "How will that help?"

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Open your mind to God's wisdom, open your soul to God's peace, open your heart to God's love and all three will stay

with you forever. (Mary Stavros)

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them. (William Arthur Ward)

Opportunity is a bald man with a beard: You can catch him coming, but you can' t catch him going.

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. (Thomas Edison)

Opportunity is often inconvenient.

Optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.

Originality is the art of concealing your source. (Franklin P. Jones)

Others may argue your beliefs, but they can't refuse your love.

Our arms are the only ones God has to hug His children.

Our backgrounds and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

Our character is shaped as much by our failures as it is by our successes. (John Gray)

Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than look back.

Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth - a sense of humor.

Our five-year-old son went to a church conference with my wife and me.

He got restless, so my wife handed him a pad and pencil and suggested he mark down every time the speaker said

the word "and." After a while, he grew bored, and I asked, "Would you like to listen for a different word?"

"Yes," he whispered. "I'd like to listen for 'Amen'."

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. (Oliver Goldsmith)

Our marriage was a love match pure and simple; she was pure and I was simple.

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're

over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for

only 50 cents?"

Our toaster works on either AC or DC, but not on bread. It has two settings: too soon or too late. (Sam Levenson)

Our vision is more obstructed by what we think we know than by our lack of knowledge. (Kristen Stendahl)


23/28

Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching

post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my

husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach

him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly...........

For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa!!

Outer agitation reveals inner instability.

Overheard during a particular long sermon, "If we give him the money now, Mommy, will he let us go?"

It doesn't matter if a cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice. (Deng Xiaoping)

It doesn't matter if you win or lose until you lose.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.

I thank you God that I can be a father.

I cherish the hug from my son or daughter.

I pray my Dear Father that in some small way

You will feel my love as I hug you today.

(Richard Wimer)

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

I think if I have a good breakfast I could go without food for the rest of the day. I think that until about lunchtime.

I think I've found the trouble with our economy. There are far more ways to get into debt, than there are to get out of

it.

It is a good thing God chose me before I was born,

because he surely would not have afterwards. (C.H. Spurgeon)

It is always the ones who talk loudest who do the least.

It is amazing how many people want to live a long life, and yet so few want to grow old.

It is amazing how nice people are to you when they know you're going away. (Michael Arlen)

It is a pleasure to give advice, humiliating to need it, and normal to ignore it. (Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.)

It is a poor workman who blames his tools.

It is a small world, but I wouldn't like to have to paint it.

It is as necessary for men to hear the Gospel, as it was for Christ to die.

It is better to be 5 minutes late than dead for 5 minutes. (John Leighton)

It is better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you're not!

It is better to deserve honours and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. (Mark Twain)

It is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation. (Herman Melville)

It is better to forget and smile, than to remember and be sad.

It is better to have bad breath than to have no breath at all.

It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all.

(Edward de Bono)


24/28

It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.

It is better to live day by day for you might not be here tomorrow.

It is better to regret something you did, rather than to regret something you didn't do.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and prove it.

It is better to sleep on what you intend doing than to stay awake over what you've done.

It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot. (Anatole France)

It is difficult but not impossible to conduct strictly honest business. What is true is that honesty is incompatible with

the amassing of a large fortune. (Mahatma Gandhi)

It is difficult to "go with the flow" when you are swimming upstream.

It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless!

It is easy to have a balanced personality. Just forget your troubles as easily as you do your blessings.

It is far better to be alone, than to wish you were.

It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.

It is funny how we can see this outside world using our eyes; and we can see someone's inside world looking into

their eyes.

It is good to be a Christian and you know it, but it is better to be a Christian and show it!

It's good to have money and all the things that money can buy, but it's good too, to make sure you haven't lost the

things that money can't buy. (George Horace Lorimer)

It is hard to face the problem, when the problem is your face.

It is hard to read a cartoon aloud.

It is hard to stumble when you're on your knees.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial charges and blamed it on the cost of living.

It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite.

It is impossible for a man to learn what he thinks he already knows. (Epictetus)

It is impossible to overestimate the immense need that humans have to be listened to, understood, and taken

seriously.

It is my hearts desire that I must be no more, that He be known more. (Saheed B. Olalekan)

It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. (Benjamin Disraeli)

It is never easy being a mother.

If it were easy, fathers would do it.

It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

It is not against the law to be stupid, but it is stupid to be against the law.

It is not always easy to....

apologize


25/28

begin over

take advise

be unselfish

keep trying

be considerate

think and then act

profit by mistakes

forgive and forget

.... but it usually pays. (Richard Hamilton)

It is not always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

It is not a war on drugs; it's a war on people.

It is not happiness that makes us grateful, but the gratefulness that makes us happy.

It is not how busy you are, but why you are busy- the bee is praised, the mosquito is swatted.

It is not how much of your money you are going to give to God, but how much of God's money you are going to keep

for yourself.

It is not how much we do, but how much love we put into doing it.

It is not how much we give, but how much love we put into giving. (Mother Teresa)

It is not, how much you know...It is making the best use of what you know !

It is not raining. The sky leaks.

It is not 'seeing' the light that impacts one's life; it is never 'ceasing' to see the light that impresses one's life, spirit,

heart and soul. (Diane Lahaie)

It is not talking but walking that will bring us to heaven. (Matthew Henry)

It is not that I disagree with you, it is just that I'm not in full accord.

It is not that we don't know the right answers, it is just that we don't ask the right questions. (Tony Robbins)

It is not the difference between people that is the difficulty; it is the indifference.

It is not the employer who pays wages- he only handles the money...It is the product that pays wages.

It is not the load that breaks you down; it's the way you carry it. (Lena Horne)

It is not the lofty sails but the unseen wind that moves the ship.

It is not the moutain ahead that's wearing me out, it's the grain of sand in my shoe.

It is not the people who tell all they know that cause most of the trouble in the world- it's the ones who tell more.

It is not the relation which is important, but the relationship that is important!

It is not the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog.

It is not the speaker who controls communication, but the listener.

It is not the years in your life, but the life in your years that count. (Adlai Stevenson)

It is not what a teenager knows that worries his parents. It's how he found out.

It is not what's right about war, it's about what's left.

It is not what they say about you, it's what they whisper.


26/28

It is not what you are that holds you back, it is what you think you are not. (Denis Waitley)

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

It is not what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.

It is what you think about. (Dale Carnegie)

It is not what you would do with your millions

should riches ness be your lot. It is what you are doing at present

with the dollar and quarter you've got.

It is not your position that makes you happy or unhappy, it's your disposition.

It is okay to visit your past just don't bring any luggage with you.

It is OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

It is one's attitude at the beginning of a task which will, more than anything else, determine its outcome.

It is our responsibility, not ourselves that we should take seriously.

It is risky not to take risk. If you don't take risk, risk will take you. (Archbishop Benson A. Idahosa - Nigeria)

It is seldom easy to do what's right or right to do what's easy.

It is strange how an earthquake 4,000 miles away seems less of a catastrophe than the first scratch on your new car.

It is taken me all my life to understand that it is not necessary to understand everything. (Rene Coty)

It is the pain of sacrifice or the pain of regret.

It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with the pearl.

It is time to quit playing church and start being the church. (Keith Green)

It is time we stopped blaming our problems on people in the past, and started blaming them on people in the future.

After all, people in the future have time travel. Why aren't they coming back to help us?

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been

missing until it arrives.

It is when we forget ourselves that we do things that are most likely to be remembered.

It is wonderful what God can do with a broken heart, if He gets all the pieces. (Samuel Chadwick)

It is your attitude and not your aptitude that determines your altitude. (Zig Zigler)

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

It takes a day to find a friend, a moment to lose them but a lifetime to forget them.

It takes less time to do the thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.

It takes more money to amuse todays children than it took to educate their parents.

It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

It was all so different before everything changed.

I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.


27/28

I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

I used to be Snow White...but I drifted. (Mae West)

I used to cry for I had no shoes to wear until I saw a man with no feet.

I used to have a photographic memory, but it was never developed....

I used to want to pack as much as I could into my life, but now I realize it's more about quality of life than quantity.

(Sharon Stone)

I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity. (John Wesley)

I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week?

One day?"

I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is a temporary situation.

I've suffered a great many catastrophes in my life. Most of them never happened. (Mark Twain)

I've to say NO to the good so I can say YES to the best.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car ...

I was going to waste, but Jesus recycled me.

I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly God was speaking: "My name is I am." I waited and God

continued:

"When you live in the past, with its mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I was."

"When you live in the future, with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I will be."

"When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. My name is I am."

(Helen Mellincost)

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt.

She asked, "Do I click the square?"

I said, "Yes."

She asked me, "Single click or double click?"

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam. I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

(Woody Allen)

I wear my wife's eyeglasses because she wants me to see things her way. (Jayson Feinburg)

I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness.

He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream."

The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?"

Jesus accepts you the way you are, but loves you too much to leave you that way. (Lee Venden)

Jesus did not come to make God's love possible, but to make God's love visible.


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Jesus is the man God intended all humans to be. (D.L. Dykes)

Jesus paid a debt he didn't owe because we had a debt we couldn't pay.

Joe was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his

defense.

"They should not put up such misleading notices", said Joe. "It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.

Just as children bring their broken toys for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God because he was my friend.

Instead of leaving him in peace to work alone,

I stuck around and tried to help with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried "how could you be so slow?"

"My child", he said, "What could I do, you never did let go".

Just as war is more the absence of love than the presence of hate, and darkness is the absence of light, a negative

attitude is the absence of a positive one.

Just because a person grows older, it doesn't mean he necessarily grows up.

Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is.

Justice without force is powerless.

Force without justice is tyrannical. (Blaise Pascal)

"Just think, children," said the missionary, "in Africa there are six million square miles where little boys and girls have

no Sunday School. Now, what should we all strive to save money for?"

"To go to Africa!"

Just when I was getting used to yesterday along came today.

One liners ---f-q next