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BONUS SHITThis is a collection of stuff that for various reasons
nobody has seen or will ever see print .
BEARD: originally for issue 2 of MBLEH! I held it back becausea wanker promised me and others that he was publishingan new anthology of Irish comics which never happened. The artwork is weird but the story is smashing
The Truth about Irish comics: A handful of people may have
seen in this on various websites. This is probably the quickest pageIve ever done.
Dennis the Menace: A try out for the Beano
UNCLE SPUNK NUGGET: The first strip. Pulled from the Shiznitin an effort to tone the content down. Enjoy it here in all its spunkyglory.
ATOMISER: A sick, sick cover for an Australian comic that neverran. The theme for that issue was father
Rough for the cover of MBLEH! # 4
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ARRR!!GIVE ME ALLYOUR CASH
LADDY OR ILLCARVE YOU A
NEW SHITDIMPLE!
GULP!CERTAINLY
MISTER, ILLJUST FETCHMY WALLET!
THISLOOKS LIKEA JOB FOR
UNCLE SPUNKNUGGET!
WAKEYWAKEY UNCKY
SPUNK! IM IN ABIT OF A PICKLEHERE AND NEEDYOUR JIZZY
HELP
OHBILLY MY
DEAR BOY WONTYOU EVER LET
ME REST?
FRAIDNOT!
SO
WHAT WARRANTSTHIS MIDNIGHTWANKY WAKE UPCALL MY DEAR
BOY?
THISBULLY NEEDS
A SLIGHTATTITUDE
ADJUSTMENT
HMMM......HYPOTHALAMUS,
LOWER MEDULLA,FRONTAL CORTEX,ITS VITAL I MAKETHE RIGHT INCISIONTO PLACATE THIS
BEAST.....
THANKS UNCLE! NOWYOU BETTER GET BACKIN THE DADDY BAG COSIM DUE MY MORNING
WANK IN THREE HOURS
OHFIDDLE
STICKS!
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MATTWOLFMA
NSAJER
1978
PHARMACO
but i can' t
am i ashamed of my face? am i afraidof change? just what is it!?
i'm a rational man, so why have i gotthis mental block when it comes to
losing the beard? is there something onmy face that i've forgotten about?
a purple birthmark or a crudehomemade tattoo or something?
....deep down i know.....
nah.... i know...
scopophobia: the fear of people lookingat you. i fear the initial reaction of
the people i work with. i can see themnow; bunched around the water cooler
swapping their bitchy office gossip.they'd get about 3 weeks out of
it if i lost the beard
beards....beards.....beards....heh, last week mykid asked me what irony means. it threw me,
how do you explain irony to a nine year old?what would your def init ion be? i came up
with this: irony is the fact that the drummerout of zz top is called "jimmy beard" but he's
the only member of the band without one
heh....probably the wittiestthing i'll ever say!
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OPERATION: PHASE OUTbut i still wimped out.
i suddenly realised that my kidwon't recogn ise me so i shavedoff everything except amoustache. it then dawned onme that i could have gottenrid of it gradually bit by bit;
first the fullbeard1
2
3
4
5
6
then a goateewith lambchops
then a sort ofdroopy 'wild westoutlaw' look
then a handle barmoustache with nosideburns
then the chaplin/hitler/shreddie
and lastly, thefresh facedsmoothie
my wife had no objections
seems she was indulging inthe same guilty thrill ofsleeping with a strangerthat i feel every time she
colours her hair ......
i drifted off into a peacefulsleep that sunday nightknowing that i made the
right choice .....every thingwas right with the world
oh shit.
oh shit.what have i
done?
no turningback now!
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i slid unnoticed to my desk. nobody hadsaid anything yet. i checked my e-mail every
ten minutes waiting for their patheticoff ice humour but there was none.....i took
that as a sign of a more elaborate planto humiliate me. i could hear them laughing
at the water cooler ....bastards!
i wonder if its something we inheritedfrom our ancient ancestors, a primal habit,cavemen gathered around a pool of water
bitching about how 'ug-nok' has been
seen clubbing another woman.
by 12 o' clock still nobody approached me.i couldn't bear it any longer ......
it was the first day of school all over again,that squirming knot in my stomach, the nervoustaste in my mouth. "what will they say? what
will they say?" in desperation i tried to calculatehow long it would take to regrow a new
beard, i estimated two and a half weeks. i couldcall in sick ...yeah......a car crash or something.
what will they say? whatwill they say?
i was just about to make the callwhen she bundled me out the door
i decided on a pre-emptivestrike . charge them head on.....
ugh...yeah....yeah! i grewa moustache, that's
right!
yeah!
oh i see!!you've
grown amoustache!
i...hmmmmhey guys!
so....eh...whatdo you thinkof my new
look?newlook?
newlook?
wuh?
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