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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict
Resolution Brokenness
Forgiveness Restoration
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict Prov. 18.19: A brother offended is harder
to win than a strong city, And contentionsare like the bars of a castle Insight: You cannot let offense or conflict
go unaddressed Results: Spouses whose hearts are barred
shut, yet sleeping in the same bed
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict Prov. 20.3: It is honorable for a man to
stop striving, since any fool can start aquarrel.
Insight: It is an honor not to quarrel; it isnot an honor to win the argument, to speak louder, to humiliate/embarrass the otherperson, to have the final word
None of those things bring honor or respect
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict Prov. 17.14: The beginning of strife is
like releasing water; therefore, stopcontention before a quarrel starts. Key: Stop before it gets started Thus: Recognize what is going and
diffuse the time bomb
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 1. Hatred vs. Love Prov. 10.12: Hatred stirs up
strife, but love covers all sin 2. Pride Prov. 13.10: By pride comes nothing
but strife (Cf. 28.25)3. Wrath Prov. 15.18: A wrathful man stirs up
strife, but a man slow to anger allayscontention (Cf. 29.22 and Ja. 1.19 For theanger of man does not work the righteousness
of God )
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 4. Contrary: Prov. 16.28-- A perverse man
sows strife and a whisperer separates thebest of friends (Cf. 26.20)
5. Foolish words: Prov. 18.6: A fool s lipsenter into contentionmouth calls forblows
6. Scoffer (Critical) Prov. 22.10: Cast out
the scoffer & contention will leave
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness
Death to self: If anyone desires tocome after Me, let him deny himself & take up his cross (Lk. 9.23)
Death to self: Unless a grain of wheatfalls into the ground and dies, it re-mains alone, but if it dies, it produces
much fruit (Jn. 12.24)
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: Look at yourself 7. Selfishness
Death to self: Let this mind be in youwhich was also in Christ Jesuswhoemptied himselfform of a bondservant
obedient to death (Phil. 2.5-8) Marriage can be an anvil where the god
of selfishness is crushed; or lives will be
brokenwhich will you chose???
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations
Definition: Self imposed restriction up-on another that assumes they knowwhat you are thinking, desiring ordoing
Insight: It is a subtle and deadly formof selfishness
Insight: It comes from the flesh; -
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Essential Understandings
Contention or Conflict: See yourself 7. Selfishness: In Expectations
Psalm 62.5: My soul, wait silently forGod alone, for my expectation is fromHim
expectation =the thing longed for;root is to look for eagerly This is not your spouse, but the Lord;
such puts your spouse in position to fail
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Essential Understandings
Resolution Principle: Mt. 5.23: Therefore if you
bring your gift to the altar, and there
remember that your brother hassomething against you , gofirst bereconciled
reconciled =to be restored to normalrelations; change feelings towards; makepeace
Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17; Hos. 6.6; Am.
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Essential Understandings
Resolution Incongruous: To bring worship to the Lord
& not obey in being reconciled one to
another (Cf. 1 Sam. 15.22; Is. 1.10-17;Hos. 6.6; Am. 5.21-24) Men: You must take the lead here; do not
let things remain unaddressed Do not make the same mistake of Adam Goal: Not to win the argument; but to
restore the relationship
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Essential UnderstandingsResolution
Principle: Mt. 18.15: if your brothersins against you, go and tell him his faultbetween you and him alone .
Cf. Prov. 25.9: Debate your case withyour neighbor & do not disclose yoursecret to another
Insight: Settle this with your spouse; not
your parents or friends or co-workers
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Essential Understandings
Brokenness Brokenness: You do not desire sacri -
ficethe sacrifices of God are a brokenspirita contrite heart You will notdespise (Ps. 51.16-17)
Brokenness: but on this one will Ilook on him who is of a poor & contritespirit & who trembles at my Word (Is.66.2)
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Essential Understandings
Brokenness Brokenness: Josiah because your
heart was tender and you humbled your-self before the Lord when you heard whatI spokeand you tore your clothes andwept I also heard you (2 Kg. 22.19)
Insight: Both parties must be trembling atthe Word of God that applies to yourportion of the problem
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Essential UnderstandingsBrokenness
Insight: Treat your sin as the only sin inthe entire room the tax collectorbeathis breast God, be merciful to me THEsinner (Lk. 18.11-14)
Insight: The one justified is not the onemonitoring the other party
Insight: True brokenness is tested in your
response when the issue comes up again
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Essential UnderstandingsBrokenness
2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance
1. Diligence: earnest care or extreme-ly concerned about the matter; notindifferent
2. Clearing: Taking definitive & dete-rmined action & you clear/defendyourself
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Essential UnderstandingsBrokenness
2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance
3. Indignation: Appropriate angeragainst the sin4. Fear: Reconstituted fear of the Lord
right accountable attitude toward God5. Vehement desire: Longing to see the
wrong situation corrected
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Essential UnderstandingsBrokenness
2 Cor. 7.11: Evidences of repentance
6. Zeal: Intense interest in God sreestablished glory, restoring thesinner, cleaning up the situation
7. Vindication: Appropriate penalty forthe wrong and wrong doer
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Essential UnderstandingsForgiveness
Definition: Col. 1.14; Eph. 1.7
forgive =the act of freeing onefrom an obligation Definition: Col. 3.13; Eph. 4.32
forgive =grant freely as anunderserved favor
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Essential UnderstandingsForgiveness
Insight: Releasing or sending awayanother s wrongs will be anundeserved favor to your spouse
Insight: Enough cannot be done to
earn it Question: How do you forgive your
spouse?
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Essential Understandings
Forgiveness Psalm 103.11-12: as high as the heav -
ens are abovesois His mercyas far as
the east is from the west, so far has Heremoved our transgressions from us
Cf. Lev. 16.15-16, 20-22: The goat sacri-ficed & the goat released never found
Question: How do you forgive yourspouse?
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Essential UnderstandingsForgiveness
Romans 8.1: There is therefore now no
condemnation to those who are in ChristJesus condemnation =to judge guilty & settle
the case with appropriate with penalty Question: How do you forgive your
spouse?
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Essential UnderstandingsForgiveness
Heb. 8.12: For I will be merciful to theirunrighteousness, and their sins and their
lawless deeds I will remember no more Insight: How can a God who knows all not
remember something?
Answer: Voluntarily & consistently whenthe Enemy comes
Question: How do you forgive your
spouse?
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Essential UnderstandingsRestoration
2 Cor. 2.7-11: you ought rather toforgive and comfortreaffirm you love tohim
forgive =gracious gift or act; undeserved comfort =call to one s side or along side reaffirm =confirm, ratify, validate in a
legally binding manner
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Essential UnderstandingsRestoration
2 Cor. 2.7-11: lest Satan should take Problem: Reinvestment of trust was
violated oncewill you expose yourself tothis risk again? Understanding: This is what you are
asking the offended to doit cannot bedemanded nor expected by the offender Satan: He uses these emotions to keep
marriages separated in heart and body
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Essential Understandings
Restoration Gal. 6.1: if a man is overtaken in any
trespass restore such a one in a spirit of
gentleness, considering yourself lest yoube
restore =to make someone completely
adequate for something or function well Insight: This is what spouses do one
with another on a regular basis
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Essential Understandings
Restoration Gal. 6.1: restore such a one in a spirit
of gentleness, considering yourself lest
you be gentleness =your strength under
control due to your trust in His ability to
handle the situation irrespective of you;outwardly it looks like mild, soft, gentle;inwardly it is pure reliance upon God
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Essential UnderstandingsRestoration
Gal. 6.1: , considering yourself lestyou be tempted
consider =to pay careful attention to Insight: The reason one must be meek in
handling restoring brother, is due to the
restorer s own vulnerability to the samedemise
Insight: This situations demands your
h ilit
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