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PeopleHistory Edition
WhoW
ARitbette
r?
Top10SEXIESTpeople
Top 10 Fails!
FashionIcons!
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WHOWAR IT BETTER?in which we make commpletely biased opinons of the awesomeness of those invovled
1. CRUSADE vs CRUSADE(S)
WINNER : Childrens Crusade
Mindless deaths of children in Gods name?
Takes serious commitment.
2. WW I vs WWII
WINNER: tie
War of Atrittion + Total war must be credited to WWI, but WWII defends its ranking buy
using Atom bombs on civillians.
3. AFGHANISTAN vs MACEDONIA vs BRITAIN vs USSR vs USA
WINNER: Afghanistan
If your name is synonymous with graveyard of empires, you have already won. Also
mad props for being the start of civilization.
4. GENOCIDE(s). a. ARMENIAN. b. HITLER. c STALIN. d .POL POT c. KHEMER ROUGE. f.
RWANDA
WINNER: Decomposers.
Everybody pretty much loses, except for the biological cycles of nutrient decomposi-
tion.
5. 3 KINGDOMS vs WARRING STATES + GUOMINGDANG vs COMMUNIST
WINNER: China.
The wars have stopped over Chinese rule. Everybody in China -except for BoXIla- iscurrently winning.
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6. Battle of Constantinople vs Peter Jackoson
WINNER: CONSTANITINOPLE
Your 21 year old general conquers the impenterableChristian fortress on aexclipse. Shaped like the Islamic Cresent. And then slams down the Muslim
Curtain. Sorry Peter Jackson, CGI + trees is just lame in comparison.
7. Charles I v s Cromwell vs Charles II
WINNER: Charles II
LOSER: CROMWELL
Ironic that everyone hated Cromwell so much that they got back the son of theperson they hated so much that they elected Cromwell.
8. Cold War vs Everyone.
WINNER: Kruscheve
Obviousy the biggest bro in all of the 20th century -seconded only by Winston
Chruchill- his behaviour towards Nixon and enfrocement of the Iron Curtain
against the Velvet Upising and Nationalist movements is truly amazing.
9. Sepoy Rebellion + Boxer Rebellion
WINNER: Boxer Rebellion
a) While the Boxers didnt accomplish your
goals, at least you didnt get the British
involved actually colonizing China + b) their
OFFICIAL name was The Society of Righteous
and Harmonious Fists. Case closed.
10. Battle of Tours vs Battle of Talas
WINNER: ISLAM
Even if Charles Martle stopped you, the Ummayads made it up to Spain and
stayed there from 721-1492. Take that Sykes-Picot Treaty.
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Top 10 FAILS in Human Historyin no particular order of stupidity
1. GREAT LEAP FORWARD
Lets trun pre-indsutrial agricultural communties into backyard factories. We will get steel and
+25 million famine deaths.
2. DETENTE
Two world super powers and M.A.D. missle stockpiles. A world population frightened otu of
their wits. But its all okay now- they promise to store them in warehouses and gradually disarm
them.
3. SLAVERY
We need labour. Choose 1: a) force capture people who dont look like you, transport them
across a hemisphere, tie them down with chains and beat them to work on your agricultural
plantations, repeat for 1000 years OR b) pay people to come work for you.
4. COLD WAR
Put two hungry cats in a pen full of new born gerbils. Hilarity ensuse. Ahem. Put two hungry
world powers on the global economy full of newly independant countries. Wars ensuse.
5. LEAGUE OF NATIONS
League circa 1918: Gosh. Germany was really mean because of their colonial aspira-
tions. We should probably humilate them and demand their faltering economy to pay us back.
League circa 1930: Gosh! Japan took over Manchuria. Well. Its okay if they
mess with China. Its not one of Europes colonial holdings.
League cicra 1938: Germans can have Czechoslovakia if the promise to stop then. Is
everyone one okay with that?
League circa 1940: OMG. GERMANY. WE DIDNT SAY POLAND
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6. BLACK DEATH
Aww. What cute rat. AAAAA. What large pustules. Perhaps we should get on aboat . Perhaps we should hug our friends a lot. Its very suprising that they have
pustules too.
7. AMERCIAS
The columbian exchange resulted in amazing cross trading of organismis, culture
and diesease. Notable exceptions were the dead 90% of Amerindians.
8. SCRAMBLE FOR ARFRICA 1910
The British: If we are going to colonize things, let us atleast do it sport-
ingly. No pushing or shoving in line, ahem Germany, just because we are at your
house doenst me you get to go rst.
9. BONIFACE TREE INCIDENT
America and South Koreas: deenders of capitalism and freedom along the 38
parellel.
Tree: a communist sympathiser trying to destroy liberty.
Death toll: 3/14
10. OTTOMAN EMPIRE
Lets Industrialize. Lets get dependant on forgeign investements that then destroy
our jizya tax revenue. Lets loose to the Russians. Lets join the wrong side in WWI.
Lets loose territory to Balkan states. Lets kill 1.5 Armenians. Lets be Turkey!
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Top 10 Sexiest People
Jos Doroteo Arango
Armbula,aka. Pancho Villa.Pancho Villa was a Mexican
Revolutionary general. He is
known for attacking Columbus,
New Mexico after the USdecided to fund Carranas
government instead of his. US
General Pershing tried to
track him down, but he was
never found. Many people find
his mustache his sexiest feature.9. Empress Dowager Cixi
mpress Cixi ruled the Manchu Qing
Dynasty, unofficially, for around half a
entury. She tried to strengthen China
with modern inventions but she also
lways put her interests before the
ountrys interest. Many historians saywas because of Empress Cixi that the
ynasty declined. Her sexiest feature
nown to be her charisma and boldness.
...In history
10.
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8. Napoleon Bonaparte
Napoleon was a French emperor who tried to
take over all of Europe. Though he ultimately
failed, the Congress of Vienna met after him
and there was a long period of Peace in Europe
after this. A common myth is that Napoleon was
52 inches or 157 cm, However, it has been
the french foot had 13 inches so he was really
56 inches or 169 cm. Many people found his
small stature very sexy until they found out the
truth. Now, people find his charima, smartness
and short temper quite attractive.7. Cleopatra VII
Cleopatra was the last pharoh of Egypt. She is
known for building the largest library in the
world and for building one of the largest cities
n Egypt. She also built a large naval army.
Her sexiness is portrayed through herseduction of Caesar and Mark Anthony. If she
can seduce the two of the most influential
men in history, she must be sexy!
6. Marie Antoinette
Marie Antoinette was the Queen of France.
She did not have much political influence but
is known to have used a lot of the French money
for her luxurious gowns. Her sexiness is shown
through her fashion and flirting. She is also
known to be very permiscuous, having lovers
of both genders. How could you not fall for such
an open minded woman!
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4.
3.Alexander the Great
Genghis KhanGenghis Khan is notorious for
conquering the largest empire in history.
From the Golden Horde in Russia to the
Yuan dynasty in China, Genghis Khan isall around the world... Even today.
Genghis Khans sexy, charismatic charm
has been discovered through his large
population of descendents. He had
many wives, and also decided to spread
his genes to around 2,000-3000 women
as well. It is said that 8% of the men inCentral Asia are descendents of Genghis
Khan. Obviously, other than being
forced to, the women were infatuated by
his mustache and goatee.
Julius Caesar is famous for forming the first
dicatorship in Rome. He was a key figure
n turning the Roman Republic into a Roman
Empire. He reorganized the whole empire,
and was the general for the army. The
Romans even named a month after him, July.
His key sexy features are his tall
height, masculine stature and balding hair.
5.Julius Caesar
Alexander the Great greatly expanded his
empire during his regin at a very young age.
He was also able to spread the Greek
anguage and Culture. He was able to conquer
Egypt, Persia and even India. Though his
empire declined after he died, many people
remember his sexiness because of his scentand the poise of his neck.
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2. Theodora
1.Mr.Kersten
Theodora, the wife of Emperor Justinian I
during the Byzantine empire is well known
as a former stripper. She is considered one
of the most powerful and influential women
n Roman history. She is well known forhe Nika revolt, where she made a speech
which eventually influenced Justinian and
he army to attack Hippodrome.
Some characteristics that many people,
especially Justinian, found sexy are her
beauty, wittiness and intelligence. She isalso said to be a party animal.
Debuting as an AP World
teacher in 2012,Mr. Kersten has been able
to successfully prepare
his students for the AP
world exam. he is known
for his amazing acting
skills and his enthusiasm.His charms are shown
within his action movie
stunts and his ability to
make all his students
laugh by sharing stories
and making history fun.Thank you Mr. Kersten for
a great year!
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