Download - Conflict Management

Presented by:Bill Taylor

University of Wyoming Cooperative Extension ServiceNortheast Area Community Development Educator

Conflict Manageme

nt

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WHAT ARE YOUR ATTITUDES TOWARDS

CONFLICT?

• Worksheet: What Are Your Attitudes on Conflict?; 8 minutesDo worksheet, then read suggested answers

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Conflict is natural, inevitable and necessary !

Conflict creates tension and pressure for change and

all change creates

some conflict.

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WHAT HAPPENS DURING A CONFLICT?

• Emotions rise.• Communication decreases and becomes

more indirect (triangulation)• Opponents are demonized• Sides are taken; camps are formed in the

organization• Issues become blurred and new issues added

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WHAT HAPPENS DURING A CONFLICT? (CONT.)

• Differences are magnified; similarities minimized

• Competitive processes (including rigid commitments and dirty tricks) are increasingly employed

• Stop helping, attempt to avoid the situation

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BENEFITS TO CONFLICT

• Identify problems that need to be solved• Bring about change• Change the way we think about things• Help clarify our purpose, what’s important to

us or the organization.

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BENEFITS TO CONFLICT (CONT.)

• Personal and group leadership development• Organizational/interpersonal growth and

commitment• Creative decision making• Others?

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WHAT PERCENTAGE OF CONFLICT, IN YOUR EXPERIENCE, HAS RESULTED IN A

POSITIVE OUTCOME?

17%

30%

30%

23% 1. 75-100%2. 50-75%3. 25-50%4. 0-25%

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Inaction

Legis

lative

Negotiati

onFa

cilita

tionM

ediation

Arbitr

ation

Administrati

veJu

dicial

Nonviolent A

ction

Violence

Increasing Formality & 3rd Party Influence

CONTINUUM OF APPROACHES TO CONFLICT

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POTENTIAL RESPONSES TO CONFLICT

• Do nothing: – Yield (and change their beliefs)– Yield (and retain their beliefs)– Stonewall/Avoidance– Exit (flight)

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POTENTIAL RESPONSES TO CONFLICT (CONT.)

• Fight (exercise power):– Guerrilla warfare: Looks like doing nothing, but

isn't– Open warfare

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• Negotiate: – Contend. Try to win; defeat the other side– Compromise. Split the difference; find the

middle– Problem Solve. Look for new solutions which

address the concerns of all parties

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• Seek Assisted Negotiation: Use a third party to aid in finding a mutually agreeable solution to a shared problem – Mediation– Fact finder– Ombudsman

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• Rely on a third party decision maker – Supervisor– Arbitrator – Court

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Personal Antagonism

Shift from non-personal, external disagreement to the other person being

seen as the problem

SOCIAL TRANSFORMATION OF CONFLICT

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Issue Proliferation

Antagonism moves from specific to general

“You slighted me

back in 1975?”

“I don’t like your horse

either !”


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Problem

Triangulation

Talk about, not with


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DID YOU SAY WHAT I HEARD?

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• Personal discomfort • Overly protective or defensive emotional

responses by self or others • Emotional or hostile

environment

BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATIONAND AGREEMENT

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TOOLS TO REDUCE ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES

• Move meeting to neutral & comfortable location

• Turn off cell phones• Modify seating arrangements• Provide alternative ways to participate • Others?

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TOOLS TO REDUCE STRUCTURAL FACTORS

• Simplify the message• Combine messages and show linkages• Active listening• Ask speaker to restate message in different

words• Ask open-ended questions• Put unrelated messages “in the bin”• Others?

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When emotions are understood…

• Differences may be negotiated without becoming too personal

• Participants may not get upset as quickly

EMOTIONS IN CONFLICT SITUATIONS

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People are most comfortable in the “emotional zone” they are accustomed to.

• Those who grew up in hostile settings tend to explode or implode.

• Those who grew up in nurturing environments may interpret explosiveness as hostility and recoil from a hostile person

• They may speak past each other

EMOTIONAL OR HOSTILE ENVIRONMENTS

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TOOLS TO REDUCE EMOTIONAL FACTORS

• Separate the people from the problem• Use active listening• Paraphrasing• Mirroring• Reframing • Others?

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TOOLS TO REDUCE SOCIAL FACTORS

• Awareness• Encourage collaborative behavior• Address stereotypes • Draw silent parties out• Speak directly with decision-maker• Provide neutral data source• Make base line explicit • Others?

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OPEN QUESTIONS• Examples:– Probing questions: Ask for more info– Clarifying: Sharpen your understanding of what

has been said– Justifying: ask for evidence for the view they’ve

expressed– Consequential: reality testing, ask about

potential solutions or look at potential consequences

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REFRAMING

• Definition: responding to the speaker in a way that validates what they are feeling but also helps them move forward.– “Her desk is a mess!” • Reframed: “One issue is how neat the office should

be.”

– “I don’t want anyone trespassing on my property.”• Reframed: “Property boundaries are an issue.”

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OTHER LISTENING TOOLS

• Paraphrase• Take notes • Demonstrate that you hear what they are

saying

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HOSTILE/ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR

• “[H]ostile/abusive behavior [differs] from angry behavior [in that] hostile/abusive behavior is intended, consciously or unconsciously to have some or all of the following effects:– Put you off balance.– Manipulate and control you.– Demean you in some way.– Cause you to feel guilty.– Intimidate you.

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TWELVE STEPS FOR DEALING WITH HOSTILITY

• Deal with feelings first.• Avoid coming across as bureaucratic.• Recognize that each situation is different.• Strive to control the interaction.• Begin defusing early.• Be assertive, not aggressive or passive.• If you lose control of yourself, you lose, period.• What you focus on, you get more of.

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TWELVE STEPS FOR DEALING WITH HOSTILITY (CONT.)

• Don’t supply ammunition.• Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear

answers to.• Avoid inadvertent errors.• Avoid high risk, high gain behavior.

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CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLES WORKSHEET

* Worksheet: Conflict Resolution Styles; 5 minutes

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WHICH METHOD DO YOU TEND TO USE WITH FOLLOWERS?

7%

23%

23%

13%

33% 1. Avoidance2. Accommodating3. Win/Lose4. Compromising5. Problem Solving

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WHICH METHOD DO YOU TEND TO USE WITH PEERS?

33%

13%

20%

17%


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WHICH METHOD DO YOU TEND TO USE WITH SUPERVISORS?

20%

17%

20%

23%


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CARP• C: Control

• A: Acknowledge

• R: Refocus

• P: Problem Solve

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STEP 1: INITIATING AND TAKING CONTROL

• First impressions:– Eye contact– Pay attention– Posture– Positive and friendly tone of voice– Greeting (if other party does the initiating)– Keep it short– Develop rapport– Get and use their name

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STEP 2: ACKNOWLEDGE

• Ask what happened.• Address their apparent emotions: – Acknowledgement.– Empathy.– Collect information (use active listening).

• Give an apology if the facts warrant (but don’t give ammunition).

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STEP 3: REFOCUS THE CONVERSATION

• Think about the language you use initially– Use cooperative rather than competitive

language (but don’t make unintended promises).– Use “we” (except where it makes no sense).– Use appropriate tone and word stress– Avoid repeating hot words and phrases.– Replace some statements (“We can’t…”) with

questions (“How do you see us doing this under our existing rules?”).

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STEP 3: REFOCUS THE CONVERSATION (CONT.)

• Use verbal self-defense to re-establish control:– Use surprise (in tone and content).– Ask a “when” question (move speaker from the

general to the specific).– Use a neutral (mechanical) tone (generalize and

paraphrase without comment or agreement).– Engage in a topic-grab, taking something neutral

the speaker says (e.g. number of children) and comment on it or ask a question.

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STEP 3: REFOCUS THE CONVERSATION (CONT.)

• Physically move to their side (dance of conflict)– Now you are facing the problem together

• Act like a broken record (repeating one or two short sentences until the angry person starts to hear you).

• Be silent.• Say “you’re right”—find something in the tirade

you can agree to (but again, do not give ammunition).

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STEP 4: PROBLEM SOLVE

• Give options.– This allows subjects to feel they are in charge of

their question.– In “teaching you, they may teach themselves”—

by letting them generate options subject to both sides’ interests and requirements, subjects gain a better perspective on why they have received a “no” so far.

– The subject and you may create an option that satisfies both sides.

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DEALING WITH THE PUBLIC

* Handout: Diffusing Public Anger; review; 5 minutes

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KINDS OF POWER

Exploitive Manipulative

Nutritive Competitive

Collaborative

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Exploitive

WHICH POWER DO YOU USE MOST OFTEN?

7%

27%

23%

27%

17% 1. Exploitive2. Manipulative3. Competitive4. Nutritive5. Collaborative

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10%

33%

20%

17%

20%

WHICH POWER IS MOST OFTEN USED OVER YOU?

1. Exploitive2. Manipulative3. Competitive4. Nutritive5. Collaborative

Competitive

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WILL COLLABORATIVE CONFLICT RESOLUTION WORK?

50%

50% 1. Yes2. No

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COLLABORATIVE PROCESSES MAY WORK IF…

• Issues can be easily defined• The dispute is not over constitutional rights

or societal values• There are enough diverse issues to provide

opportunities for trade-offs• The parties are readily

identifiable

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COLLABORATIVE PROCESSES MAY WORK IF… (CONT.)

• All parties have a legitimate spokesperson• There is relative power balance

between the parties (i.e. nobody can dictate the outcome)

• A continuing relationship is likely• There is a realistic time deadline• Parties are motivated to negotiate issues on

their merits

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COLLABORATIVE PROCESS –WHO SHOULD ATTEND?

• All stakeholders – be inclusive

– Blockers– Approvers– Experts– Interested public

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• Don’t react to outbursts• Do use only “I” statements, not “you”

statements• Do use symbolic gestures to show your sincerity – hand

shake, call, card, etc.• Do put yourself in their shoes – (What are they feeling?

Why? What are their needs?)• Don’t deduce their intention from your fears• Don’t blame them for your problem• Do discuss each other’s perceptions

COLLABORATIVE PROCESS DO’S AND DON’TS

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• Do look for chances to act inconsistently with their perception of you

• Don’t reveal statements made in confidence to the facilitator – the neutral party

• Don’t use names or derogatory personal statements• Do have everyone participate actively• Do allow each person to speak• Do give spokesmen authority to speak for their groups• Don’t put out media releases without consensus

COLLABORATIVE PROCESS DO’S AND DON’TS (CONT.)

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PRINCIPLES OF EFFECTIVE DISPUTE MANAGEMENT

How to Get to “Yes”• Separate the people from the problem• Focus on interests, not positions• Invent options for mutual gain• Insist on using objective criteria

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STEP 1: SEPARATING THE PEOPLE FROM THE PROBLEM

• All conflicts involve two interests:– Substance– Relationship

• Relationships are based on: – Accurate perceptions– Clear communication– Appropriate emotions– Forward-looking, purposive outlook

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STEP 2: FOCUS ON INTERESTS, NOT POSITIONS

• Interests = party’s goals• Positions = means to accomplish interests

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POSITIONS

• “There will be no pets in this house”• “He wants $100,000 for the house but I won’t

pay a penny more than $95,000.”• “We won’t negotiate until the protests stop.”

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IDENTIFYING INTERESTS

• Ask “Why?”• Ask “Why not?”• Each side has multiple interests.• Talk about interests.• Acknowledge their interests are part of the

issue.

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DISCUSS ISSUES, INTERESTS

• Address the problem before the answer.• Look forward, not back.• Be concrete on facts, interests, issues– Be flexible on position.

• Be hard on the problem – soft on people

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HANDLING PROBLEM PEOPLE

* Handout: Handling Problem People; review; 5 minutesReferences: Coping With Difficult People by Bramson

Difficult Conversations by Stone, Patton, Heen

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STEP 3: GENERATE A VARIETY OF OPTIONS

• More options, more likely to find a win-win solution

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INVENTING OPTIONS

• 4 obstacles– Premature judgment– Searching for the single answer– Assumption of a fixed pie– “Solving their problem is their problem.”

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INVENTING OPTIONS (CONT.)

• Separate inventing from deciding–Use brainstorming to produce many ideas• Before brainstorming– Define your purpose– Choose a few participants or break into small

groups– Change the environment– Design informal atmosphere– Choose facilitator

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– During brainstorming• Seat side-by-side – facing the problem• Clarify ground rules, including no criticism• Brainstorm• Record ideas in full view

– After brainstorming• Discuss pluses & minuses of each idea• Star most promising ideas• Invent improvements of promising ideas• Set time to evaluate ideas and decide which to pursue

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• Broaden your options– Look through eyes of different experts– Invent agreements of different strengths– Change scope of proposed agreement

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• Look for mutual gain– Identify shared interests– Dovetail differing interests– Ask for their preferences

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• Make their decision easy– Put yourself in their shoes– Give them answer that makes it easy for them to

make a decision favorable to you– Don’t make threats– Do what you can to improve the consequences

for them

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• Make their decision easy (cont.)

– Help them see consequences of “yes” and “no”• BATNA – Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement

– Parties need to be aware of what will be their best outcome if no agreement can be reached

– How prepared are you to settle for your BATNA? How much impetus does this give you to find an agreement?

– What will be the BATNA of the other parties?

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STEP 4: USE OBJECTIVE CRITERIA

• Insist on using objective criteria– Materials/ideas presented as fact must be

substantiated– Find sources of unbiased information– Technical experts– Technical review teams

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FAIR PROCESSES

• Majority rule• Take turns• Share• Binding arbitration • Consensus

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FINAL BARGAINING AND AGREEMENT

• Caution: During final negotiation – parties will often revert to traditional styles

• Slow the process down • Remind each other of fair standards and

criteria • Take turns playing “devil’s advocate”• Ask “What if…?”

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WORKABLE AGREEMENTS* Handout: Workable Agreements; review; 2 minutes

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TURNING ADVERSARIES INTO PARTNERS

“Your goal is not to win over them, to win them over.” – Getting Past No

Five Steps1. Go to the balcony

– Step back– Don’t try to control them, control yourself– Reflect on the alternatives– Don’t react

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TURNING ADVERSARIES INTO PARTNERS (CONT.)

• Five steps (cont.)

2. Step to their side• Conflict dance – literally step to their side, avoid

facing off• Defuse their anger, fear, hostility, suspicion• Don’t attack, listen• Try to take their side in as many ways as possible

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3. Reframe• Don’t reject – take them back to meeting each

other’s challenges• Take what they say and say it back to see if you have

the same perspective• Ask problem solving questions

• What would you do if…?• What if we were to…?

• Don’t reject, reframe

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4. Build them a Golden Bridge– Try to identify and satisfy their unmet interests,

particularly human needs.– Help them save face and have some victoryDon’t push, make it easy for them to move your

direction

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5. Use power to educate– Educate them to costs of not agreeing (without

threats)– Ask reality testing questions, warn but don’t

threaten– Explain your BATNA

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PUTTING THE LESSON TO WORK

* Role Play: Oak Tree Role Play; see instructions; 25 minutes

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30%

37%

33%

THIS WORKSHOP…

1. Provided new information2. Reinforced what I already knew3. Provided no new information

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13%

20%

30%

20%

17%

HOW MUCH KNOWLEDGE DID YOU GAIN?

1. A lot2. A moderate amount3. Some4. Not much5. None

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MY ATTENDANCE TODAY MOTIVATED ME TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

17%

23%

23%

17%

20% 1. A lot2. A moderate amount3. Some4. Not much5. None

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• * Please complete printed evaluation form– Leave at seat or at front.

ANY QUESTIONS/COMMENTS?