CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

Dr. Manoranjan DhalAsst. Professor, IIMK

EXERCISE - I Think of a recent (even old) conflict in which you

were an active party It made an impact on you Create the full picture.

If you go back to that incident again, what would you do differently?

EXERCISE - I Who initiated? What was I feeling at that time? What do I feel when I remember the incident? What was the other party thinking? What leads me to behave like that? What are the consequence on my actions? Do I need to take any action to resolve any

misunderstanding?

Much of our thoughts and behaviour is based on what we have learnt so far in lifeWhat has been learned can be unlearned.

REINFORCING FAULTY LEARNING

Having/repeating an experience

Generalizing/drawing faulty conclusions

Faulty conclusions affect

mindset/behaviour

Setting yourself up to

repeat the experience

EARLY PROGRAMMING

YOU

Nature

Inherited tendencies

Nurture

Physical

Warmth, food, healthy

environment

Emotional

Unconditional love, support and a caring environment

Intellectual

Mental stimulation,

education

WHAT COLOURS OUR PERCEPTION Age Culture Religion Gender Education Background Position in society Job/career Previous experience Character Nature/genes Prevailing external influence

DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS Happiness Sadness Anger Fear Resentment Guilt Hurt Regret

CONFLICT ARISES BECAUSE We feel threatened by someone whom we

perceive Operates from a different set of values and beliefs Invades what we see as our territory Takes away something we consider to be rightfully

ours Is different from us in some way Causes us discomfort.

CONFLICT DEFINED Conflict is defined as a process that begins when a

party has negatively affected, or is about to negatively affect something that the first party cares about.

Includes Incompatibility of goals Differences over interpretation of facts Disagreements based on behavioural expectations Disagreements

ORGANIZATIONAL CULTURE AND CONFLICT Not walking the Talk- vision and mission,

customer focused, equal opportunity Mismatch between Individual and company

Values and Beliefs child labour The Psychological Contract

LEVELS OF CONFLICT Intra-Personal Inter-personal Inter-Group Inter- Organization Inter-national

THE LEVELS OF CONFLICT Discomfort Incident Misunderstanding Tension Crisis

POSSIBLE STAKEHOLDERS OF CONFLICT

YOU

Supplier, department,

team

colleagues

bosses

Members of team

others

Your organization,

other organization

Company culture

customers

INDICATORS OF CONFLICT IN AN ORGANIZATION Communication is increasing in the form of

memos and e-mails More people working behind closed doors Meeting that do not achieve anything Them and us language Raised voice and tears Long lunch hours and poor timekeeping Low morale, tension People looking glum and stressed

INTERACTION BRINGS DIFFERENCES Internal Boundaries role, authority External boundaries supplier, consultant Territorial boundaries car park Material goods and resources Weak/poor management Lack of professional management training Leadership/management style Poor decision making process Poor interpersonal skill Poor change management Inequality among staff

BEHAVIOUR THAT EXHIBIT CONFLICT Shouting Insulting/cursing Humiliating Making accusations Bringing up the past Sulking Tears Withdrawing Physical violence Avoidance Pretending it is not happening Becoming resentful Bottling up our emotions Storming off in a huff Taking revenge

CHANGE BEGINS WITH

ME

EXERCISE Write down what you actually do when you are a

party to conflict

FIGHT BEHAVIOUR

FLIGHT BEHAVIOUR

ShoutingViolenceSlamming the doorName-calling etc.

WithdrawalDenialGiving inCrying etc.

THE CONFLICT PROCESS

Stage I Stage II Stage III Stage IV Stage VPotential Opposition or incompatibility

Cognition and Penalization Intentions Behaviour Outcomes

Antecedent Conditions

Communication

StructurePersonal Variable

Perceived Conflict

Felt Conflict

Increased Group

Performance

Conflict-handlingIntentions

CompetingCollaboratingCompromisingAvoidingAccommodating

Overt Conflict

Partys BehaviourOthers reaction Decreased Group

Performance

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT STYLES Conflict exists whenever two or more parties are in disagreement.

Forcing conflict style: user attempts to resolve conflict by using aggressive behavior.Avoiding conflict style: user attempts to passively ignore the conflict rather than resolve it.Accommodating conflict style: user attempts to resolve the conflict by passively giving in to the other party.Compromising conflict style: user attempts to resolve the conflict through assertive give-and-take concessions.Collaborating conflict style: user assertively attempts to jointly resolve the conflict with the best solution agreeable to all parties. 22

CONFLICT The Offer Win Lose

CONFLICT HANDLING BEHAVIOURAssertive

Unassertive

Asse

rtiv

enes

s

CooperativeUncooperative

Cooperativeness

Competition Collaboration

Compromise

Avoidance Accommodation

FIVE CONFLICT HANDLING ORIENTATION Competition Win-lose approaches Collaboration Win-Win approaches Avoidance - Withdrawing from or suppressing

conflict Accommodation Opponents interest is above

self-interest Compromise- Each party to give up something

REACTION VS. RESPOND

Reaction RespondListen To self Listen To

othersFightFlight

AggressivePassiveAssertive

USING ASSERTIVENESS Assertiveness Aggressiveness Passive

BEHAVIOUR BREEDS BEHAVIOUR

What you think and

feel

How you behaveHow others think and feel

How others behave

INTENTIONS Cooperativeness: - The degree to which one party

attempts to satisfy other partys concern Assertiveness : - The degree to which one party

attempts to satisfy his or her own concern

ASSERTIVENESS Being viewed as honest, open, and forthright Stand up for their rights

DEALING WITH AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR Use your assertiveness skills Acknowledge their emotions Use active listening skills Dont take it personally Use neutral posture, tone of voice and facial

expression Maintain eye contact but do not try to outstare

them.

DEALING WITH PASSIVE BEHAVIOUR Empathize Be patient Offer support Use coaching skills to draw them out Allow silence in your conversation Ask open questions Watch for non-verbal responses Be firm and persistent

PRACTICE ASSERTIVENESS A co-worker comes into your office and say,

Pandey, I need 20 of your people to work on this project immediately.

Your boss says, I dont see any real reason to continue this discussion.

Your spouse says, I cant go to book the tickets that you need.

EXERCISE II

Environment

Capability

Values

Identity

Purpose

Behaviour

Feeling

Think of a particular incident when you wanted to stand up for yourself but could not

EXERCISE III Create a list of people/situation with whom you

find difficulty in asserting yourself (may include your boss).

PEOPLE My boss My colleagues People in authority People who report to me Superior people My parents

SITUATION Saying NO at work Refusing invitation to events I do not wish to attend Being firm with my/others misbehaving children Disciplining subordinates at work Standing up for myself with the boss

WHY IT IS DIFFICULT? The time or place may not be right You may be afraid You may not want to offend that person You may not know how to word your feelings

appropriately You may lack confidence You may be denying your rights or feelings

DEALING WITH ASSERTIVENESS Clarify your won feelings to yourself about an

issue which is bothering you Communicate clearly and calmly your perception

and feelings Dont attack, blame or hurt the other person Open the discussion without eliciting

defensiveness form the other person

HOW TO DO IT Using- I statement Broken record

THE PRINCIPLE OF WIN/WIN

NEED FIRST SOLUTION

LATER

COMPROMISE SHOULD

ALWAYS BE THE LAST RESORT

Ass out of U and ME

UNCOVERING NEEDS Explain what needs are and why they matter Shift from solution to needs Ask Why? Ascertain their concerns Listen Do not confuse your own needs with those of

others Encourage them to be specific Establish as many needs as possible Find out where the differences dovetail Keep moving from positions to interests Brainstorm the options

DO YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHTS? Aggressive people will attempt to claim their

rights with no consideration for the rights of others (rights without responsibility)

Passive people will deny their own rights, while making sure everyone elses wants, whether right or wrong, are considered first

Assertive person will claim their rights, and extend the same privilege to others

COMMON ASSERTIVE RIGHTS Be treated with respect and consideration Hold my own views and have them heard Remain silent Have my feelings taken seriously Make my own decisions and cope with the consequences Make my own choices Make mistakes Change my mind Choose when and if to assert myself Refuse without feeling guilty Get what I pay for Ask for what I want Ask for information about myself privacy

ALL RIGHTS INVLOVE

RESPONSIBILITIES. I BELIEVE IN

EXTENDING TO OTHERS ANY RIGHT I CLAIM AS MY OWN

LISTENING

I Talk

I Talk

You Liste

n

You ListenThink

Day dreamOrganize thoughts

Switch offRelate to

experience

ACTIVE LISTENING Acknowledging Summarizing Paraphrasing Asking questions Taking fewer notes Judges contents, skips over delivery errors Body language

HANDLING POWER CONSTRUCTIVELY

POWER BASE Reward and punishment Positional power Expertise/knowledge power Personal power/charisma Relationship power Collective power Cooperative power Legislative power Physical power

EXERCISE IV Write the name of the people whom you consider

as powerful

BULLYING BEHAVIOUR VICTIM BEHAVIOUR

PunishCriticizePick onHarassBulldozeCoerceEmbarrassHumiliateShout atAbuseAssaultSubdueBlackmail emotionally or otherwise

HelplessPoor meMartyrBlame everyone around themBlaming circumstances and upbringingInadequateDefeatedBitterConstantly complainingPassiveApatheticStuckAnxious or depressed

HOW BULLIES AND VICTIMS CAN CHANGE THEIRBEHAVIOUR

BULLYING BEHAVIOUR VICTIM BEHAVIOUR

EmpathizeListenCommunicate assertivelyConsult with othersShare their expertiseReconnect with their conscienceShare decision makingGive constructive feedbackHelp build peoples self-confidence and morale

Stand up for themselvesListenTake responsibilityLearn to be assertiveLook at situations objectivelyIdentify their needsLook towards the future rather than wallowing in the pastTake actions to bring about solutions

USE PEPSI Position state your correct position objectively. Empathize understand their point of view Problem state what problem the occurrence has

caused and who is affected Solutions present alternative possible solution Influence use charisma and reason to persuade

others

Build up your own powerbase

THE POWER RELATIONSHIP QUADRANTI value myself

I dont value myself

I dont value you

I value you1 Win/lose

3 Lose/win2 lose/lose

4 Win/win

Aggressive, arrogant, rigid

Compliant, inadequate, passive

Hostile, low energy, apathetic, lacking

initiative

Assertive, confident, high-self

esteem

DEALING WITH POWERFUL PEOPLE Build up your own power by approaching them

confidently and assertively Strengthen your own power base information,

rule, regulation Build empathy with other person Look for a win/win Present your case clearly and unemotionally Back up with facts and figures Declare any vested interest before the other

person finds out Be prepared to be flexible and to consider other

options or alternatives

HANDLING EMOTIONS Focusing and leveling When you level your feeling you will find much

easier to focus on the problem.

EXPRESSION OF EMOTIONS

Positive expression of emotions

Negative expression of emotions

Talking/writing it outWorking it off at the gym or other sportTaking a long walkMeditating/focusingPainting, music, writing, acting

Losing our temperPhysical and verbal abuseThrowing/kicking thingsActs of sabotage or revengeHarming self

HANDLING YOUR OWN ANGER Acknowledge that you feel angry Accept the responsibility for your own anger Give yourself space Center yourself Use tension release techniques

Throw a pillow Strangle a towel Do a gorilla act Hit your palm with your fist Shout, yell or scream Tear a newspaper

Practice deep breathing or other relaxation techniques

Separate the person from the problem Concentrate on the current issue

BOOKS FOR REFERENCE CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

By Hoda Lacey DONT SAY YES WHEN YOU WANT TO SAY

NO By H. Fensterheim and Jean Bear