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an unofficial guide from U
CL U
nionC
heese Grater M
agazine Society
Music S
ocs(R
ock andM
etal/Live M
usic)
Debating S
ocietyWhether
you th
ink you
may
have a
future
career in
Law or
you just love the sound of your
own voice, th
is society is for you.Diverse topics of discussion range all the wayfrom ‘Th
is House believes Bush is Hitler’ to ‘This
House believes A
riel Sharon is Hitler’. Week
lyworkshops will teach you how to attack an oppo-nent
personally, argue
the sam
e point
threetim
es over
while
appearing to
make
new ones;
indeed anyth
ing to
ensure
the argum
ent goes
round in circles and never gets anywhere. This is
an exact im
itation of the British Parliamentary
system and so is a m
ust for all those interestedin U
K politics.
LIVE M
USIC SOCIE
TY is the place to be for
shaggy-haired effete boys wearing faded T-
shirts
for bands they are too young to see, and girlsdressed in cloth
ing that requires a manual and
sporting asymmetric haircuts. We enjoy playing
melodic vacuous indie, melodic content-free indie,
melodic tune-
based indie and indie with clowns.And as for R
OCKSOC, we’are the society for
those who like everything from
obscure-
even-to-
fans heavy-doom
-power-
rock-metal to m
id’dle-
of-th
e-roa
d dea
th-bla
ck-scr
eamin
ggrindcore. Get out you
r Metallica T-
shirt and
that rare issue vinyl you saved from a house
clearance, and demand the right to play it againin a room
with different acoustics. And again.
LGB
Society
Like Britney? No? Piss off.
Getting A
round:An update
Transport for London, the integrated body
responsible for
processing thousands
of com
-plaints
every year,
would like
to inform
new
visitors to
London of
its updated
advice on
using public transport:
-DON
’T wear denim-DON
’T run-DO jum
p the ticket gates-DON
’T pick up a free paper-DON
’T look distracted (but not tooundistracted either)-DO have wh
ite skin whenever possible
If you
see anyone
acting in
a suspicious
manner, or just anyone who sticks out a bit and
who isn’t a friend of yours, please inform
one ofou
r friendly assistants (pictured below), who willbe able to resolve the m
atter.
Oh yeah, and always touch in and touchout. H
appy travelling!Kind regards
Metropolitan Police Firearm
s Division
Foreig
n Societies (A
BA
CU
S,
Indian, Jewish etc. etc.)
Welcome, student, to U
CL! You m
ust sign upto a society that consists entirely of people thesam
e skin colour as you! From
the same back-
ground and
that spout
the sam
e values
thatyou
r parents taught you! That way you will notput you
rself in any danger of losing your reli-
gion, you
r wond
erful hairstyle
or you
r dad’s
allowance. We will help you to resist the dan-gerous London cultu
re (it has many evil th
ingssuch
as “R
ed Stripe”
and “Spearm
int Rhin
o”)particularly if you are a foreign student witha far superior work eth
ic. Only we, your society
friends, are fit to talk to you in the diningroom
, th
e com
mon
room or
(if unav
oidable) a
Union bar.
Econom
ics/Investment S
ocietyUCL U
nion’s Econom
ics and Investment Soci’
eties are not just for E
conomists. Ou
r mem
berscom
e from
diverse
backgrounds and
our
ambi-
tions are
very diverse:
Do you
want to
be an
accountant at KPMG or a consultant at Accenture?
Or maybe an accountant at Accenture or a consult-ant at K
PMG! (Just kidding!!!) Wh
ichever of thesetwo
many
things
you want
to be,
you’re not
alone: in fact, 99.87% of U
CL students (allowingfor statistical error) want only the sam
e thing
in life. What else would you come here for?!? Join
us, and look forward to a bright future wearing
suits, being
a high’flyer,
drinking wine
andhaving som
e friends. We publish a magazine too,
and each issue has a picture of E
ITHER A
damSm
ith OR John M
aynard Keynes on page 3!
For more inform
ation, turn over the leaflet
until you are looking at the other side.
Oh it’s you. W
hat do you want?
HI TH
ERE! Y
es, and welcome to the U
CL Un-
ion Freshers’Fayre, the most happenin’, largin’-
it, ave-it freshers’ fayre in all of TU
BE ZON
E 1
and possibly 2 as well.. Just joshing! Okay, lads
and ladettes, before you get on the booze cruis-ing and indecent ex
posure on Gordon St, com
e tothe FR
ESH
ERS’ FA
YRE and take a look at the
great CLU
BS and
SOCI-ET-
IES
on offer.
Justfollow the arrows (and don’t you fucking daretrying to go backwards or another way, because Iprom
ised the
second deputy
assistant head
ofEstates &
Facilities nobody would) and look atall those weird, wonderful stalls. Whether it’splaying with Balls you’re into (ooer!) or becominga M
ember of the Conservative Party, this is the
place! We’re
diverse! Cause
that’s, like,
reallypositive!
Take it easy cats,
Wayne Roll-
PickfordsEntertainm
ents & Photocopying Officer
UCL U
nion
And finally...
If, like us, you can’t take Freshers’ Fayreor indeed life too seriously, and you’d like totry you
r hand at writing or cartoons, The
The
The
The
The
Cheese Grater
Cheese Grater
Cheese Grater
Cheese Grater
Cheese Grater m
ay be for you. We were set upin 2004 and are U
CL’s only unofficial andeditorially independent m
agazine. We do theth
ings Pi (the official mag) doesn’t: h
uhu hu
huhum
oumou
mou
mou
mou
r,r, r,r,r,satiresatiresatiresatiresatire
and inv
esinv
esinv
esinv
esinv
estigative
stigativ
e s
tigative
stigativ
e s
tigative
storiestoriestoriestoriestories
that
don’tget covered elsewhere. A
nd some of the fines
finesfinesfinesfinestt ttt
cartoocartoocartoocartoocartoonn nnn
s in
Los
in Lo
s in
Los
in Lo
s in
Londondondondondonn nnn.
Oh yes,
and we
got the
Provost to shave h
is mous
mous
mous
mous
moustach
etach
etach
etach
etach
e off for Comic
Relief earlier th
is year. (It grew back.)
Whether we’re complaining about m
usic inthe U
nion or digesting the literary output ofAnn Widdecom
be, we try to raise a laugh (usu-ally at som
eone’s expense) and project the
views of a disaffected minority, i.e. those with
nothing better to do than write for us. We’re a
small society and the m
agazine in question isphotocopied (som
etimes appallingly) but we’re
serious about what we do. If you are too, getin touch....
Our nex
t issue comes out in October.
YOU
can contribute!
Interested? Com
e to ourW
elcome G
eneral Meeting:
Wednesday 5 O
ctober, 5-6pm,
Rehearsal Room
(2nd floor, Bloom
sburyB
uilding, 15 Gordon S
t)
Any question
s? Got a story?cheese_grater_m
Read every issue online at:
ww
w.cheesegraterm
agazine.uclu.orgPublished by R
ene Lavanchy on behalf of UCL U
nion Cheese Grater Magazine Society
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