Bouncing Back: the Neuroscience of Resilience and Well-Being
EarthRise at IONS May 29-31, 2015 Linda Graham, MFT
[email protected] www.lindagraham-mft.net 415-924-7765
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Linda Graham, MFT Marriage and Family Therapist 25 years
Bouncing Back: Rewiring Your Brain for Maximum Resilience and
Well-Being 2013 Books for a Better life award 2014 Better Books for
a Better World award [email protected]
www.lindagraham-mft.net
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Rewiring for Resilience and Well-Being Rewire brain out of
stress-trauma-negativity- inner critic Recover resilience and
resources stability and flexibility Choose new experiences; harness
neuroplasticity Move to thriving and flourishing
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6 Cs of Coping Calm Compassion Clarity Connections to Resources
Competence Courage
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Kindness is more important than wisdom, And the recognition of
that is the beginning of wisdom. - Theodore Rubin
Share-listen-reflect stories of kindness received
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Hand on the Heart Touch Deep breathing Positive Emotions Brakes
on survival responses Restore coherent heart rate variability
Oxytocin safety and trust Relationships as resources
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Affectionate Breathing Sit comfortably; breathe slowly and
gently. Incline your awareness toward your breathing with
tenderness and curiosity Let the body breathe itself; notice the
natural nourishing and soothing of the body Feel the whole body
breathe Allow the body to be gently rocked by the breath Savor the
stillness and peace in the body
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Human Brain: Evolutionary Masterpiece 100 billion neurons Each
neuron contains the entire human genome Neurons fire hundreds of
time per second Neurons connect to 5,000-7,000 other neurons
Trillions of synaptic connections As many connections in single
cubic centimeter of brain tissue as stars in Milky Way galaxy
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Conditioning Experience causes neurons to fire Repeated
experiences, repeated neural firings Neurons that fire together
wire together Strengthen synaptic connections Connections stabilize
into neural pathways Conditioning is neutral, wires positive and
negative
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Neuroplasticity Growing new neurons Strengthening synaptic
connections Myelinating pathways faster processing Creating and
altering brain structure and circuitry Organizing and re-organizing
functions of brain structures
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Neuroscience of Resilience Neuroscience technology is 20 years
old Meditation shifts mood and perspective; impacts immune system
and gene expression Oxytocin can calm a panic attack in less than a
minute Kindness and comfort, early on, protects against later
stress, trauma, psychopathology
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The brain is shaped by experience. And because we have a choice
about what experiences we want to use to shape our brain, we have a
responsibility to choose the experiences that will shape the brain
toward the wise and the wholesome. - Richard J. Davidson, PhD
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The field of neuroscience is so new, we must be comfortable not
only venturing into the unknown but into error. - Richard Mendius,
M.D.
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Evolutionary legacy Genetic templates Family of origin
conditioning Norms-expectations of culture-society Who we are and
how we cope. is not our fault.
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Given neuroplasticity And choices of self-directed
neuroplasticity Who we are and how we cope is our responsibility
Paul Gilbert, PhD, The Compassionate Mind
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Pre-Frontal Cortex Executive center of higher brain Evolved
most recently makes us human Development kindled in relationships
Matures the latest 25 years of age Evolutionary masterpiece CEO of
resilience
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Functions of Pre-Frontal Cortex Regulate body and nervous
system Quell fear response of amygdala Manage emotions Attunement
felt sense of feelings Empathy making sense of expereince Insight
and self-knowing Response flexibility Planning, decision
making
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Mechanisms of Brain Change Conditioning New Conditioning
Re-Conditioning De-Conditioning
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New Conditioning Choose new experiences Gratitude practice,
listening skills, focusing attention, self-compassion,
self-acceptance Create new learning, new memory Encode new wiring
Install new pattern of response
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Between a stimulus and a response there is a space. In that
space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our
growth and our freedom. The last of human freedoms is to choose
ones attitude in any given set of circumstances. - Viktor Frankl,
Austrian psychiatrist, survivor of Auschwitz
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How you respond to the issueis the issue. - Frankie Perez
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Shift from Self-Critical Voice to Self-Compassionate Voice
Loving awareness of breathing Let a moment of discomfort arise;
notice where you feel in the body Notice any critical self-talk;
notice the words; notice the tone of voice Use critical voice as
cue to practice: May I be kind to myself in this moment; may I
accept myself in this moment exactly as I am.
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The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am,
then I can change. - Carl Rogers
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Re-conditioning Light up neural networks Juxtapose old negative
with new positive De-consolidation - re-consolidation New rewires
old
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Re-conditioning Resource with memory of someones compassion
toward you Evoke compassion for your self Evoke memory of someone
being critical of you (or inner critic) Hold awareness of
criticizing moment and compassionate moment in dual awareness Drop
the criticizing moment; rest in the compassionate moment
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Modes of Processing Focused Tasks and details New conditioning
and re-conditioning De-focused Default network Mental play space
De-conditioning
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De-Conditioning Default network De-focusing; loosens grip
Creates mental play space Can open to worry, rumination Can open to
plane of open possibilities Brain makes new links, associations New
insights, new behaviors
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De-Conditioning Imagination Guided visualizations Guided
meditations Reverie, daydreams Brain plays, makes own associations
and links, connect dots in new ways Reflect on new insights
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Compassionate Friend Sit comfortably; hand on heart for loving
awareness Imagine safe place Imagine warm, compassionate figure
Compassionate Friend Sit-walk-talk with compassionate friend
Discuss difficulties; listen for exactly what you need to hear from
compassionate friend Receive object of remembrance from friend
Reflect-savor intuitive wisdom
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Practices to Accelerate Brain Change Presence primes
receptivity of brain Intention/choice activates plasticity Practice
create new pathways, new more resilient habits of coping
Perseverance creates and installs change
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6 Cs of Coping Calm Compassion Clarity Connections to Resources
Competence Courage
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Calm Manage disruptive emotions Tolerate distress Down-regulate
stress to return to baseline equilibrium
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Compassion Being touched, moved by experience of pain and
suffering Flow of kindness, tenderness, care and concern toward
experiencer of pain and suffering Wise action to alleviate pain and
suffering One cannot live with sighted eyes and feeling heart and
not know the misery which affects the world. - Lorraine Hansberry
Compassion is a verb. Thich Nhat Hanh
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Clarity Pause, become present Notice and name Step back,
dis-entangle, reflect Shift perspectives; shift states Discern
options Choose wisely let go of unwholesome, cultivate
wholesome
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Connections Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. -
Matthew Lieberman, UCLA author of Wired to Connect
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Competence Empowerment and mastery from changing old coping
strategies, learning new ones Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do
this. You cant stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Jon
Kabat-Zinn
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Courage Using signal anxiety as cue to: Try something new Take
risks Move resilience beyond personal self
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Keep Calm and Carry On Serenity is not freedom from the storm
but peace amidst the storm. - author unknown
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Window of Tolerance SNS explore, play, create, produce. OR
Fight-flight-freeze Baseline physiological equilibrium Calm and
relaxed, engaged and alert WINDOW OF TOLERANCE Relational and
resilient Equanimity PNS inner peace, serenity. OR Numb out,
collapse
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Hand on the Heart Touch Deep breathing Positive Emotions Brakes
on survival responses Restore coherent heart rate variability
Oxytocin safety and trust Relationships as resources
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Oxytocin Hormone of safety and trust, bonding and belonging,
calm and connect Brains direct and immediate antidote to stress
hormone cortisol Can pre-empt stress response altogether A single
exposure to oxytocin can create a lifelong change in the brain. -
Sue Carter, PhD
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Touch Hand on heart, hand on cheek Head rubs, foot rubs Massage
back of neck Hold thumb as inner child Hugs 20 second full
bodied
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Calm through the Body Hand on the Heart Safe, soothing touch
Body Scan Progressive Muscle Relaxation Soles of the Feet Rewiring
through Movement Power Posing
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Calm Friendly Body Scan Awareness Breathing gently into tension
Hello! and gratitude Release tension, reduce trauma
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Progressive Muscle Relaxation Body cannot be tense and relaxed
at the same time Tense for 7 seconds, relax for 15 Focused
attention calms the mind
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Soles of the Feet Stand up; feel soles of feet on the floor
Rock back and forth, rock side to side Make little circles with
your knees Walk slowly; notice changes in sensations Offer
gratitude to your feet that support your entire body, all day
long
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Rewiring through Movement Body inhabits posture of difficult
emotion (40 seconds Body moves into opposite posture (40 seconds)
Body returns to first posture (20 seconds) Body returns to second
posture (20 seconds) Body finds posture in the middle (30 seconds
Reflect on experience
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Power Posing Amy Cuddy TED talk Before important meeting or
interview: Stand tall and straight, like mountain pose in yoga Lift
your arms in triumph or Place hands on hips (Wonder Woman)
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Mindfulness and Compassion Awareness of whats happening (and
our reactions to whats happening) Acceptance of whats happening
(and our reactions to whats happening) Two most powerful agents of
brain change known to science; both foster response flexibility
Rewiring that is safe, efficient, effective
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Mindfulness and Compassion Activate Caregiving System
Mindfulness Focuses awareness on experience May I accept this
moment, exactly as it is Self-Compassion Focuses kindness on
experiencer May I accept myself exactly as I am in this moment
Activates caregiving system Shift from reactivity and contraction
to openness, engagement
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Self-Compassion Threat-protection system Cortisol driven
Pleasure-reward system Dopamine driven Caregiving-soothing-comfort
system Oxytocin driven Paul Gilbert, The Compassionate Mind
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Benefits of Self-Compassion Increased motivation; efforts to
learn and grow Less fear of failure; greater likelihood to try
again Taking responsibility for mistakes; apologies and forgiveness
More resilience in coping with life stressors Less depression,
anxiety, stress, avoidance Healthier relationships; more support
and, less control and/or aggression Increased social connectedness,
life satisfaction, and happiness
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Self-Compassion Break Notice moment of suffering Ouch! This
hurts! This is painful. Soothing touch (hand on heart, cheek, hug)
Kindness toward experiencer May I be kind to myself in this moment
May I accept this moment exactly as it is May I accept myself in
this moment exactly as I am May I give myself all the compassion I
need to respond to this moment wisely
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Loving Kindness with Self-Compassion Sit comfortably, focus on
gentle breathing, in and out Feel breath in entire body; let your
body breathe you Breathe into areas of physical stress, discomfort
Notice difficult emotions; incline awareness toward contraction or
discomfort Self-compassion phrases: May I be. Your own phrases of
kindness, tenderness, care Rest in stillness and peace in body
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One for Me; One for You Breathing in, nourishing, nourishing
Breathing out, soothing, soothing In imagination, nourishing for
me, nourishing for you, soothing for me, soothing for you One for
me, one for you Practice breathing one for me, one for you when in
conversation with someone
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Caregiving with Equanimity Everyone is on his or her own life
journey. I am not the cause of this persons suffering, nor is it
entirely within my power to make it go away, even if I wish I
could. Moments like this are difficult to bear, Yet I may still try
to help if I can.
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Positive Emotions-Behaviors Brain hard-wired to notice and
remember negative and intense more than positive and subtle; how we
survive as individuals and as a species Leads to tendency to avoid
experience Positive emotions activate left shift, brain is more
open to approaching experience, learning, and action
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Positive Emotions GratitudeAweGenerosity CompassionDelight
Serenity Love Curiosity Kindness Joy Trust
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Positive Emotions Less stress, anxiety, depression, loneliness
More friendships, social support, collaboration Shift in
perspectives, more optimism More creativity, productivity Better
health, better sleep Live on average 7-9 years longer
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A hundred times every day, I remind myself that my inner and
outer life depend on the labors of other people, and that I must
exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have
received and am still receiving. - Albert Einstein
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Gratitude 2-minute free write Gratitude journal Gratitude buddy
Carry love and appreciation in your wallet
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Take in the Good Notice: in the moment or in memory Enrich:
felt sense in the body Absorb: savor 10-20-30 seconds Repeat: 6
times a day; install in long-term memory
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Circle of Support Call to mind people who have been supportive
of you; who have had your back Currently, in the past, in
imagination Imagine them gathered around you, or behind you,
lending you their faith in you, and their strengths in coping
Imagine your circle of support present with you as you face
difficult people or situations
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Positivity Portfolio Ask 10 friends to send cards or e-mails
expressing appreciation of you Assemble phrases on piece of paper
Tape to bathroom mirror or computer monitor, carry in wallet or
purse Read phrases 3 times a day for 30 days Savor and
appreciate
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Mindfulness Comes to West Mindfulness: Focused attention on
present moment experience without judgment or resistance. - Jon
Kabat-Zinn
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Mindfulness Pause, become present Notice and name Step back,
dis-entangle, reflect Catch the moment; make a choice Shift
perspectives; shift states Discern options Choose wisely let go of
unwholesome, cultivate wholesome
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Notice and Name Thoughts as thoughts Patterns of thoughts as
patterns of thoughts Cascades of emotions as cascades of emotions
States of mind as states of mind Belief systems and identities as
Mental contents, patterns of neural firing All mental patterns are
optional
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Notice Patterns of Reaction Imagine walking down the sidewalk,
noticing someone you know walking on the other side of the street
toward you Imagine you wave and call out Hello! Theres no response;
notice your reaction. Now imagine the person notices you, waves and
calls out Hello! Notice your reaction Reflect on the differences in
your reactions.
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It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the
most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most
adaptive to change. - Charles Darwin
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Mindfulness Catch the moment; make a choice - Janet Friedman
Every moment has a choice; Every choice has an impact. - Julia
Butterfly Hill
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Breathing into Infinity Focus awareness on breathing, and on
awareness of breathing, and on awareness Extend awareness to people
near you; people you know; people in neighborhood, region, country,
all over the planet Extend awareness to all creatures; to earth
itself Extend awareness beyond planet; always remain aware of
awareness.
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Brahma Viharas Loving Kindness Compassion Sympathetic Joy
Equanimity Send and receive wishes to and from your partner
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Shifting Perspectives in Nature BELLY BOTANY Select a one
square foot patch of earth. Observe patch from two feet away/above
for two minutes. (light and shadow, movement and stillness, beauty
and decay, life and death) Shift your view to the larger landscape,
all the way to the horizon. Reflect on shift in perspective.
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Autobiography in Five Short Chapters Portia Nelson I I walk
down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I
am lostI am helpless It isnt my fault. It takes me forever to find
a way out.
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II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I pretend I dont see it. I fall in again. I cant believe
Im in the same place But, it isnt my fault. It still takes a long
time to get out.
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III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall inits a habit My eyes are
open, I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out
immediately.
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IV I walk down the same street There is a deep hole in the
sidewalk. I walk around it. V I walk down another street. -Portia
Nelson
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This is what our brains are wired for: reaching out to and
interacting with others. These are design features, not flaws.
These social adaptations are central to making us the most
successful species on earth. - Matthew Lieberman, PhD Social: Why
Our Brains Are Wired To Connect
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Connections Increasing the social connections in our lives is
probably the single easiest way to enhance our well-being. -
Matthew Lieberman, UCLA The moment we cease to hold one another,
the sea engulfs us and the light goes out. - James Baldwin
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The roots of resilience are to be found in the felt sense of
being held in the mind and heart of an empathic, attuned, and
self-possessed other. - Diana Fosha, PhD To see and be seen: that
is the question, and that is the answer. - Ken Benau, PhD
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Ah, the comfort, The inexpressible comfort Of feeling safe with
a person. Having neither to weigh out thoughts Nor words, But
pouring them all right out, just as they are, Chaff and grain
together; Certain that a faithful hand Will take them and sift
them; Keeping what is worth keeping and, With the breath of
kindness, Blow the rest away. - Dinah Craik
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Resonance Circuit Resonance vibe, emotional contagion
Attunement felt sense, explicit, non-verbal Empathy verbal,
cognitive, coherent narrative Compassion concern, caring, help
Acceptance pre-requisite for resilience and lasting change
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Neuroscience of Empathy Emotional communication is 93%
non-verbal Social engagement system Dyadic regulation Vagal brake
Fusiform gyrus regulates amygdala Restores equilibrium
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People as Resources At times our own light goes out and is
rekindled by the spark from another person. Each of us has cause to
think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame
within us. - Albert Schweitzer
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Seeing Ourselves as Others See Us Imagine sitting across from
someone who loves you unconditionally Imagine switching places with
them; see yourself as they see you; feel why they love you and
delight in you; take in the good Imagine being yourself again;
taking in the love and affection coming to you; savor and
absorb.
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Wiser Self Imagine yourself five years from now: wise,
compassionate, good, strong, alive and vibrant Ask this Wiser Self:
how did you become like this? What did you have to overcome or let
go of to become like this? What one word of advice do you have for
me? Inhabit this Wiser Self briefly; what does it feel like to
become your Wiser Self?
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The Guest House - Rumi This being human is a guest-house. Every
morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, Some
momentary awareness come As an unexpected visitor. Welcome and
entertain them all! Even if theyre a crowd of sorrows, who
violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat
each guest honorably.
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He may be clearing you out for some new delight. The dark
thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing, and
invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has
been sent as a guide from beyond. - Rumi
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Welcome Them All Wiser Self welcomes to the party characters
that embody positive and negative parts of the self with curiosity
and acceptance of the message or gift of each part and honors each
part of the inner committee
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Shame De-Rails Resilience Shame is the intensely painful
feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore
unworthy of acceptance and belonging. Shame erodes the part of
ourselves that believes we are capable of change. We cannot change
and grow when we are in shame, and we cant use shame to change
ourselves or others. - Brene Brown, PhD
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Love makes your soul crawl out of its hiding place. - Zora
Neale Hurston Love guards the heart from the abyss. - Mozart
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Just that action of paying attention to ourselves, that I care
enough about myself, that I am worthy enough to pay attention to,
starts to unlock some of those deep beliefs of unworthiness at a
deeper level in the brain. - Elisha Goldstein
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Reconditioning Memory de-consolidation re-consolidation Light
up neural networks of problematic memory Cause neural networks to
fall apart temporarily and instantly rewire by: Juxtaposing
positive memory that directly contradicts or disconfirms; Focused
attention on juxtaposition of both memories held in simultaneous
dual awareness Causes the falling apart and the rewiring
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Reconditioning Anchor in present moment awareness Resource with
acceptance and goodness Start with small negative memory Light up
the networks Evoke positive memory that contradicts or disconfirms
Simultaneous dual awareness (or toggle) Refresh and strengthen
positive Let go of negative Rest in, savor positive Reflect on
shifts in perspective
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Wished for Outcome Evoke memory of what did happen Imagine new
behaviors, new players, new resolution Hold new outcome in
awareness, strengthening and refreshing Notice shift in perspective
of experience, of self
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Relational Intelligence Reaching out and asking for help
Setting limits and boundaries Negotiating change Resolving
conflicts Repairing ruptures Forgiveness
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Forgiveness - I For the many ways that I have hurt and harmed
myself, that I have betrayed or abandoned myself, out of fear,
pain, and confusion, through action or inaction, in thought, word
or deed, knowingly or unknowingly I extend a full and heartfelt
forgiveness. I forgive myself. I forgive myself.
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Forgiveness - II For the ways that I have hurt and harmed you,
have betrayed or abandoned you, caused you suffering, knowingly or
unknowingly, out of my pain, fear, anger, and confusion I ask for
your forgiveness, I ask for your forgiveness.
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Forgiveness - III For the many ways that others have hurt,
wounded, or harmed me, out of fear, pain, confusion, and anger I
have carried this pain in my heart long enough. To the extent that
I am ready, I offer you forgiveness. To those who have caused me
harm, I offer my forgiveness, I forgive you.
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Forgiveness is not an occasional act; It is a permanent
attitude. -Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Competence Bodily felt sense of Sure I can! Based on previous
competence No matter what, no matter how small Ownership
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Competence Empowerment and mastery from changing old coping
strategies, learning new ones Embodying, I am somebody who CAN do
this. You cant stop the waves, but you can learn to surf. - Jon
Kabat-Zinn
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Coherent Narrative This is what happened. This is what I did.
This has been the cost. This is what I learned. This is what I
would do differently going forward.
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Find the Gift in the Mistake Regrettable Moment Teachable
Moment Whats Right with this Wrong? Whats the Lesson? Whats the Cue
to Act Differently? Find the Gift in the Mistake
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Courage Its as wrong to deny the possible As it is to deny the
problem. - Dennis Seleeby
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Courage A ship is safe in harbor, but thats not what ships are
for. - Grace Hopper Yes, risk-taking is inherently failure-prone.
Otherwise, it would be called sure thing-taking - Tim McMahon
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Do One Scary Thing a Day Venture into New or Unknown Somatic
marker of Uh, oh Dopamine disrupted Cross threshold into new
Satisfaction, mastery Dopamine restored
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I am no longer afraid of storms, For I am learning how to sail
my ship. - Louisa May Alcott
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How to Replenish Human Brain Exercise-Movement Sleep Mental
Breaks Nutrition Laughter-Play Learn Something New Hang Out with
Healthy Brains
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Exercise - Movement Macro cardio BDNF Yoga, qi gong move the
energy Micro 3-minute better than nothing workout Move your body
once every hour Sense and savor walk
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Sleep - Rest Macro 8 hours every night Housekeeping Reset
nervous system Consolidate learning Sleep hygiene Micro Take mental
breaks; switch the channel Take a nap Mini-meditate (10
breaths)
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Take Mental Breaks Focus on something else (positive is good)
Talk to someone else (resonant is good) Move-walk somewhere else
(nature is good) Every 90 minutes; avoid adrenal fatigue
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Nutrition Macro Eat healthy! More protein, more water, less
sugar, less carbs, less calories, less caffeine/alcohol Micro Savor
(eat a raisin meditation) Eat one meal a day without doing anything
else
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Laughter-Play Macro Have a good time at family/friends
dinner/celebration Schedule a play date Schedule a silly date Micro
Watch a 4-minute Happify Daily video Read two minutes of jokes
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Learn Something New Macro Speak a foreign language Play a
musical instrument Juggle Play chess Micro Learn a new poem, quote,
flower, bird each day
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Hang Out with Healthy Brains Macro Friendships,
extra-curricular activities and clubs, athletics, choir Practice
gratitude at family dinners Micro Read 10 pages of a good book,
magazine article, blog post Send the link of the above to a friend
Send a text or email of gratitude, acknowledgement, appreciation to
friend, co-worker
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Brain Care is Self Care Choose one practice of brain care
Practice every day for 30 days Reflect on difference in
functioning, in resilience and well-being, in sense of self