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Writing and Editing Good SentencesDonald C. Samson, Jr.

Creating good sentences involves some basic guidelines,

including making sure that each sentence states clearly

who or what does what, controlling subordination, usingamiliar subject-verb order, controlling pronoun use,

using action verbs and active voice, forgetting silly rules,

placing modifiers properly, using punctuation to reveal

sentence structure, and using correct grammar and

syntax. Editing sentences requires some understanding of

grammar and syntax to recognize errors and explain

changes. Reading aloud and checking sentence length

and pronoun reference can help, and reading well-edited

writing can help develop a good "ear" for sentences.

INTRODUCTION

As technical communicators, we like to think that we

know a good sentence when we see one. Those of us

who edit technical documents like to think that when a

sentence isnt straightforward, precise, concise, and clear,

we can make it so. Most of the time, we can.

However, beginning editors, especially those just out of

school (where academic style often involves longer, more

complex sentences) often need help. Beginning writers

often do too, and so do many technical staff who have not

had much training in writing but have to write in their

work. When they realize that something may be wrongwith a sentence, they are sometimes not sure how to fix

it.

Fixing weak sentences helps ensure clarity and effective

communication. However, it makes more sense to help

writers learn to write good sentences in the first place.

That way, editors can free up time to meet increasing

responsibilities and speed up the document-creation

process. To supplement what writers have learned about

effective writing at the sentence level, or to correct bad

habits writers may have developed from reading bad

prose, this presentation focuses on ten principles of

effective sentences. Writers might keep these principlesin mind as they revise their drafts, and editors should

keep them in mind as they edit writers work.

Discussion of sentence structure must involve some

terminology from traditional grammar. It is hard to help

others learn to use action verbs in active voice, and to

reduce subordination, if they dont know what a verb or a

subordinate clause is. So to remind readers of some

useful terms in grammar and syntax, or to provide an

overview that readers might use with writers (trained and

otherwise), an oversimplified review of parts of speech,

phrases, and clauses follows, from the standpoint oftraditional grammar. If you are a writer rather than an

editor, or if you are an editor strong in grammar and

familiar with parts of speech, phrases, and clauses, please

skip the next two sections.

PARTS OF SPEECH

Talking about sentences with writers is simpler when

editors can use terms from traditional grammar to explain

editorial changes or to coach writers. Also, the sentence

guidelines in writing texts and those that follow use this

terminology to discuss effective writing.

Nouns (name persons, places, or things)

Pronouns (take the place of nouns)

Verbs (express action or state of being)

Adjectives (provide additional information about

nouns)

Adverbs (provide additional information about

verbs, adjectives, or other adverbs)

Conjunctions (join words, phrases, and clauses)

Prepositions (form phrases that modify nouns and

verbs)

Interjections (express emotion or make a quick, short

statement).

Pronouns have case to help indicate whether they are the

subject of a verb or preposition (I went home), the object

of a statement (He saw me), or the possessor of

something (I lost my keys). Nouns have a possessive

form usually indicated by an apostrophe (I found Johns

pen). Many adjectives and adverbs have comparative

and superlative degrees (larger and more effectively;

largest and most effectively). Conjunctions join words

and phrases (Susan and I went to lunch) and often join

main clauses (Susan went to lunch, but Jane stayed in the

office) or subordinate clauses (Susan went to lunch while

Jane stayed in the office).

PHRASES AND CLAUSES

A phrase is a group of two or more words, such as a noun

or verb with its modifier(s) (my house, sang beautifully),

a preposition with its object (up the tree), or a verb form

with its object or complement (Wetried to ping therouter). A clause is a group of words with asubject and

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a finite verb, that is, the kind of a verb that by itself with

no other verb form is sufficient to make a complete

statement. (Hear is a finite form; hearing is not. Saw is a

finite form; to see is not.) Main clauses can stand by

themselves as complete sentences; subordinate

(dependent) clauses cannot. (I found my keys can clearly

stand as a complete sentence; After I found my keysclearly cannot.) What a writer says in a clause gets more

emphasis than what he or she says in a phrase, all other

things being equal, such as formatting with bold or italics

or position in a sentence or paragraph or on the page.

SENTENCE GUIDELINES

To write effective sentences, writers might consider the

following guidelines, and editors should keep these

principles in mind as they edit.

Make sure each sentence states clearlywho or what does what.

Each sentence makes a statement about someone or

something, so what is being talked about in the sentence

and what isbeing said about it must be clear. Clarity issometimes a matter of word choice, as each word says

something different from another. Clarity can also be a

matter of controlling nominalization and subordination,

as discussed below. However, most sentences that arent

clear result from thinking that isnt clear. Editing often

cannot repair the product of fuzzy thinking, but editors

can point out places where the writing (and hence

perhaps the thinking) needs to be clearer.

Control subordination.

Any clause in a sentence invites its reader to process asubject and a verb, a statement about someone orsomething. The more clauses for the reader to process,the more difficult the processingthe harder it is forreaders to grasp the meaning of the sentence. In mostsituations, we should try to make it easier for readers tounderstand the meaning.

When we can present information without using asubordinate clause, we should do so. Often one word or

a few in the clause might be retained and the clausedeleted. For example, the sentence "These results arefrom the tests that were performed Friday" could be moresimply stated "These results are from Friday's tests,"tightening the sentence by reducing it by four words butmore importantly simplifying the structure of thesentence and removing a subject and verb that the readerwould have to process.

Controlling subordination also means keeping importantinformation out of subordinate clauses and putting it inmain clauses, which get more emphasis. For example, inthe sentence "This microphone, which is the most durablemicrophone on the market today, comes in several sizes"the statement that it is the most durable is too importantto be tucked away in a subordinate clause. So the two

ideas about durability and sizes should be coordinated,each presented in its own sentence or each presented inits own main clause in a compound sentence, as in "Thismicrophone is the most durable on the market today, andit comes in several sizes." (Of course, if the idea aboutdurability were more important than the different sizes,we could subordinate and thereby de-emphasize thestatement about sizes.)

Begin most sentences with theirsubject, followed closely by their verb.

Common English word orderfrom primary readers

through the most technical textsis subject-verb,subject-verb-object, or subject-verb-complement.

Subject-verb order is what readers are accustomed to and

most comfortable with, so we should rely on this pattern,

deviating from it to meet the need of a particular

statement or to provide sentence variety.

Use a pronoun only if your readers willknow immediately what it refers to.

Vague pronoun reference makes it harder for a reader to

be sure of the meaning of a sentence on first reading.

That and this are most often the culprits; writerssometimes use them to refer to something that is clear in

his or her mind but may not be in the reader's. Inviting

writers to think about whether their readers will

understand what they're referring to has the added

advantage of encouraging greater concern for audience.

Rely on action verbs and active voice.

"Action verbs" and "active voice" get confused, even in

technical writing texts. Action verbs express action

rather than state of being: they make a statement about a

subject more forcefully than a being verb. In "active

voice," the grammatical subject of the verb performs theaction of the verb. The sentence "We processed those

transactions yesterday" is in the active voice. The

sentence "Those transactions were processed yesterday

by us" is in passive voice, emphasizing the recipient of

the action rather than the doer of the action. And it

sounds funny. The sentence would sound more natural if

it read "Those transactions were processed yesterday,"

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but then wed have no indication of who did the

processing. It may be understood, of course, so it

wouldnt need to be stated, and thats when passive voice

works and should be used.

Forget the silly rules.

Rules such as "Never end a sentence with a preposition"

and "Never begin a sentence with and or but" are seized

on by many students in their attempts to simplify the task

of writing (and are passed along when some of those

students become teachers). Churchill demolished the

first rule with his "This is the sort of thing up with which

I will not put." And as for the second rule, an "and" or a

"but" may be just the right word to link a sentence to the

previous one. But we shouldnt do it too often.

Vary sentence length and structure.

For any audience or subject matter, a series of sentencesof similar length or structure can lull readers into a

stupor. Varying sentence length and structure is

especially important to help readers unfamiliar with the

subject matter.

Put modifiers close to what theymodify.

A sentence like "We studied the effects of high winds

under the guidance of Dr. Smith" has the right parts, just

in the wrong places. Placing modifiers close to what they

modify simplifies the readers task and can keep a readerfrom stumbling and having to reread the sentence.

Use punctuation to reveal sentencestructure and clarify meaning.

Its surprising how many secondary-school students are

still being taught that punctuation is used to indicate

where a reader would pause when reading the sentence

aloud. Punctuation has nothing to do with sound; its

visual, designed to help readers see the structure of a

sentence and understand it. Some writing texts still talk

about unnecessary punctuation (especially commas), as if

it is OK to use punctuation that isnt needed. To a careful

writer or editor, unnecessary punctuation should be like

unnecessary surgery.

Use correct grammar and sentencestructure.

Readers expect sentences to be grammatically correct.

More importantly, though, when a sentence has a major

grammatical problem such as a subject-verb agreement

error or a dangling construction, many readers will

stumble and have to reread the sentence to make sure

they understand it. Our aim, though, is to present

sentences whose meaning is clear on first reading.

Think of a sentence as a suitcase.

Only so much stuff will fit in a suitcase; the contents

should be organized; and if the suitcase is empty, you

dont need it. True, John Milton wrote sentences that

were over a page long, but he was a great organizer, and

seventeenth-century readers could handle bigger

suitcases. Its a question of focus, ultimately. If theres

too much in a sentence (or a paragraph or a section of a

report), readers might miss some of the content.

SUGGESTIONS FOR BETTER

SENTENCES

Even when writers and editors are familiar with these

sentence guidelines and can apply them to sentences that

need help, there remains one problem: helping writers be

able to recognize when a sentence needs help. Some

writers havetrouble seeing that a sentence isweak andneeds revision following these guidelines. So what might

writers and editors do to develop their ability to

recognize when a sentence needs work?

Read aloud. If you stumble over a sentence, chances

are it needs revision following one or more of the

guidelines. If a sentence sounds complicated rather

than straightforward, identify its clauses and askwhether a subordinate clause could be deleted.

Reading aloud also helps you identify passages in

which the sentences might need variety in length and

structure to keep readers alert.

Watch for long sentences (more than two typed

lines), which are more difficult to process because

they are longer, and which are more likely to have

sentence problems that make sentences harder to

grasp on first reading.

Watch for the pronoun that, which often introduces

subordinate clauses (to be examined to reducecomplexity) and may have an unclear antecedent,

and for the pronouns this and which, which may

have unclear antecedents.

When you have your writing edited, examine the

editors changes carefully and ask about any that you

dont understand. Most editors are happy to explain

their editing to writers, as long as the writer is not

defensive and the editor is not overworked.

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Read well-edited writing such as that in magazines

like The New Yorker, National Geographic, Science,

and Nature, to develop your "ear" for sentences.

Consult general writing texts such as Joseph

Williams Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace

and technical writing and editing texts for additional

discussion of effective writing.

Writing effective sentences takes practice; its a skill that

develops with time and guidance. Editing sentences to

make sure they will communicate effectively also takes

practice. Unfortunately, writers and editors so often see

ineffective writing that it is easy to pick up bad habits, to

become so accustomed to excessive subordination,

sloppy pronoun reference, or passive voice that we fail to

recognize it and attend to it in our own writing. As we

continue our education in technical communication,

learning how to use the latest technology to deliver

information effectively, we should also revisit principlesthat underlie a basic skill: writing a good sentence.

Don Samson

Professor, English Department

Radford University

Radford, Virginia 24142

(407) 282-8487

Don Samson teaches technical writing, technical editing,

science writing, and Shakespeare at Radford University.

Previously, he worked as a proposal writer/editor for

Lockheed Martin Aerospace. His consulting work

includes editing web-based documentation for AT&T

Solutions in Orlando. He is the author of Editing

Technical Writing (Oxford University Press).