Write Tight(er)—STC Spectrum14

Marcia Riefer Johnston @MarciaRJohnston

#spectrum14

A Time-Saving, Pain-Free Technique for Selling

Yourself, Your Company, or Your Products through

Your Words

Write Tight (er)

Rochester)Chapter))

#spectrum14 Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston


What does conciseness mean (and not mean)?



How much difference can conciseness make?




In what ways does conciseness help me sell?





How can I write more concisely?



Time-saving, pain-free technique










WORKSHOP







WORKSHOP

Three-minute video


#spectrum14


#spectrum14

No headline?


#spectrum14

No headline?

No bullets?


#spectrum14

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?


#spectrum14

No headline?

No bullets? No

verbiage?

How concise!


“The number-one complaint I’ve heard from technical publications managers is, ‘Much of my staff is about to retire, and I’m having trouble finding anyone who can write correct grammar and simple, concise, accurate text.’”

!—Maxwell Hoffmann

Intercom magazine, Society for Technical Communication, Jan. 2013


Minimalism



Concise means “minimal.”


Concise means “minimal.”Not short.



“Cut me a short string.”



“Cut me a short string.” Huh?



“Cut me a short string.”

Make text (like string) as long as needed.

Huh?


Make text, like string, as long as needed. @MarciaRJohnston #spectrum14


Not robospeak.



Not robospeak.

Push button.



Not robospeak.

Push button. Push the button.



Not robospeak.

Keep the the.

Push button. Push the button.



Not gutted for mobile.




Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”




They will.

Don’t think, “Smartphone users won’t need that.”



Example


No discussion board?

Example



No calendar?

Example


Concise ≠ Gutted


No calendar?

Example


Minimal.


Minimal.

Enough to meet your audiences’ needs


Minimal.


Enough to accomplish your purpose


Minimal.



No more


Minimal.



No more No less


Write Tight(er): A Time-Saving, Pain-Free

Technique for Selling Yourself, Your Company, or Your

Products through Your Words


Audience needs: “What’s in it for me?”






My purpose: Get you here





No more







No more No less








“Measured usability was dramatically higher for the concise version [of the website]—58% better.” !

Nielsen Norman Group www.nngroup.com/articles/

how-users-read-on-the-web


Small screens



Small screens

Translation costs



Small screens

Translation costs

Readability



Small screens

Translation costs

Readability

Think usability, engagement.



“But I don’t write for small screens.”



Maybe your readers see a big window.


... or maybe your readers see this.



“Full site” view



“Full site” view

“Mobile site” view


Maybe your readers see this.


“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.


“But I already write concisely.”This is your toothbrush when it’s new. The blue bristles are blue all the way to their tips.

This is your toothbrush when it’s ready to replace. The blue bristles have turned half white.

Visual-verbal redundancy


Your readers want this.


Especially if you translate.

Philips Sonicare™ toothbrush


“But my stuff isn’t translated.”


“But my stuff isn’t translated.”

Get ready!


How much can a word cost?


You may be needing a loan.




How much can a word cost?words6




You may need a loan.

words6





words6

5 words





words6

5 words

1 word




Translation cost (or savings):


words6

5 words

1 word






words6

5 words

1 word

1 sentence, 1 language





$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word






$ 0.25


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 1 language






$ 0.25

* the size of a Harry Potter novel


words6

5 words

1 word







$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word







$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages







$ 0.25


$ 2,500.00

$ 62,500.00


words6

5 words

1 word

10,000 sentences,* 25 languages




a word? How so?


a word? How so?

Close enough


a word? How so?

Close enough

Varies with the language


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database)


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word

Full price


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match Full price

Pay less


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

Full price

Pay less


a word? How so?

Close enough


Depends on the translation memory (database) unrecognized word “fuzzy” match “perfect” match

You still pay!

Full price

Pay less


Whether or not you translate,



whatever size your page or screen,



whatever size your page or screen,

you owe it to yourself to ask …


Dump these words!*


Dump these words!**unless you need them


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact that




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjust




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order to




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbial




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particular




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiage




weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are)-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)not, no (& other negative words)the fact thatjustbegin to, try to, tend to, in order toperiod of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)proverbialdifferent (as in many different, 36 different)particularverbiageany other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch




See be-verbs.


See be-‐verbs! @MarciaRJohnston #spectrum14


Examples


“Bias tape has the advantage of being able to be applied smoothly around curves as well as straight.”


The fix might not be self-evident.



You have to think.



You have to think.

(Not too painful.)


“A scheme of which every part promises delight can never be successful.”

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice


Our IT team wants to be predictive.


Our IT team wants to be predictive.

What does the team

want to do?


what?


is


“Write when there is something that you know; and not before; and not too damned much after.”

—Ernest Hemingway


“ There are known knowns. These are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things

that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things

we don’t know we don’t know.” (attributed to a one-time US secretary of defense)





We don’t know diddly—





We don’t know diddly—except to avoid be-verbs.


See be-verbs.


Be-‐verbs are everywhere. See? @MarciaRJohnston #spectrum14




-ly words (& other vapid adverbs)


Jane fully expects a big publisher to snap up her first novel.


We hope that people will actively participate.


Please listen carefully to the following choices so that we can immediately direct your call to the appropriate person.


Mahatma Gandhi truly changed the world.

#spectrum14 Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)


#spectrum14 Write Tight(er) HowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnstonHowToWriteEverything.com @MarciaRJohnston

weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs)


very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)


Fred likes his toast very dry.



Fred likes his toast so dry.



Fred likes his toast so dry.

Fred likes such dry toast.


Exception:the doge meme


http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2013/11/15/doge_pronunciation_how_do_you_pronounce_the_name_of_the_shibe_doge_meme.html


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers)


not, no (& other negative words)


Do not use negative phrasing.


If you want viewers to focus on something, do not show faces looking away from it.

(This image is from an eye-tracking study by James Breeze as cited in Garr Reynolds’s book Presentation Zen.)


The Oregon Ducks have not lost a “Civil War” game to their archrivals, the Beavers, in seven years.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words)


the fact that


Given the fact that Joan understood topic-based writing, everyone went to her with questions.

Concept Task Reference


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that


just


It's just that I just say just a lot. I just have the habit, so it’s just hard to stop saying it.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just


begin to, try to, tend to, in order to


Michael Noer handed the six-year-old the tablet. With no instruction, and never having seen a computer, the boy began to swipe the screen, launch apps, and play a pinball game.


Try to focus on breathing.


“Stop trying to hit me, and hit me.” —Morpheus to Neo


“Do or do not. There is no try.”

—Yoda


“When our tools don’t work, we tend to blame ourselves for being too stupid or not reading the manual or having too fat fingers.”

—Lev Grossman, Time


In order to divert 34,000 tons of food scraps from landfills, Portland created a curbside-pickup program for compostable waste.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to


period of time


Jones and Caruthers have worked here for a long period of time.

Sketch by Brian Poulsen. Used with permission.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time


in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)


In light of my lack of cash, we stopped at an ATM.



In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.



In spite of his poor health, Samuel attended his niece’s graduation.

I prefer that TV in terms of cost.


“The word of is, in anything other than small doses, among the surest indications of flabby writing.”

—Bryan Garner Garner’s Modern American Usage


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general)


proverbial


The proverbial needle in the haystack


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial


different (as in many different, 36 different)


Our company understands the pros and cons of all these different technologies.


Steve Jobs’s name appears on 212 different Apple patents.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different)


particular


Google’s CEO, Eric Schmidt, has a particular belief that Android’s open platform leads to more options and more consumer choice.


While Lady Gaga’s particular sense of style puzzles many, millions of fans say that her affirming theme of bravery and kindness has changed their lives.


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular



weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular


verbiage


We’ll throw some verbiage in there.


Want a tip for making this technique even

more time-saving and pain-free?


Try this.


YOUR WORDS

HERE


weak be-verbs (is, was, were, will be, have been, am, are) -ly words (& other vapid adverbs) very, such, so (& other empty intensifiers) not, no (& other negative words) the fact that just begin to, try to, tend to, in order to period of time in light of, in spite of, in terms of (& of in general) proverbial different (as in many different, 36 different) particular verbiage any other verbiage or unneeded words that you can pitch



Word count

Cost to translate into 1 language 25 languages

x 10,000 sentences

(Harry Potter novel)

BEFORE Your original text here with more words than you need. 10 $2.50 $62.50 $625,000.00

AFTER Your tighter text here. 4 $1.00 $25.00 $250,000.00Savings 60% $1.50 $37.50 $375,000.00

Spreadsheet available on request.


Story time


Story time

Water dispenser


Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons


Story time

Water dispenser

Buttons

Quick reference


Looks easy enough.


Concise = good ... right?


Ready for a video?


Ready for a video?(You’ll have to pretend.)


Hey, Rick, would you bring me a glass of room-temperature water?



Rick (Smart guy!)



GlassRick (Smart guy!)




Instructions




Instructions Button




Instructions Button Water



DumpGlassRick (Smart guy!)






Read again





Read again Exasperation





Read again Exasperation Try again





Read again Exasperation Try again Try again



Dump again



Read again Exasperation Try again Try again



Dump again



Read again Exasperation Try again Try again Try again


If conciseness doesn’t @ix it, change what you’re saying. @MarciaRJohnston #spectrum14


Think this is small?

Write Tight(er)—STC Spectrum14

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Transcript of Write Tight(er)—STC Spectrum14