THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS

Worldwide LeadershipTraining MeetingBuilding Up a Righteous Posterity

F E B R U A R Y 9 , 2 0 0 8

Published byThe Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Salt Lake City, Utah

© 2008 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc.All rights reserved

Printed in the United States of America

English approval: 5/07

ContentsGeneral Patterns and Specific Lives. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 2

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

The Proclamation on the Family . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4President Boyd K. Packer

Roundtable Discussion . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10Elder Dallin H. OaksElder Jeffrey R. HollandJulie B. BeckSusan W. TannerCheryl C. Lant

A Sanctuary from the World. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 29President Thomas S. Monson

Ongoing Emphasis on the Family

Brothers and sisters, we welcomeyou to our 2008 worldwide leadershiptraining broadcast. Our theme today,“Building Up a Righteous Posterity,”continues the Church’s ongoingemphasis on family matters. Two yearsago, the broadcast focused on thetopic “Supporting the Family,” con-taining counsel we will refer to today.

You’ve also heard other spokenand written messages, including care-fully worded letters from the First

Presidency regarding the need tostrengthen and protect the family.One of those letters, to have beenread in sacrament meetings and deliv-ered to families by home teachers,contains this language: “We call uponparents to devote their best efforts tothe teaching and rearing of their chil-dren in gospel principles which willkeep them close to the Church. . . .However worthy and appropriateother demands or activities may be,they must not be permitted to dis-place the divinely-appointed dutiesthat only parents and families canadequately perform.”1

You realize we are addressing theentire adult population of the Churchin this broadcast. It may seem unusualto have young single adults invited toa discussion primarily about buildingup a righteous posterity. But we haveextended that invitation consciously.You single adults must and will be theparents of tomorrow. And whileyou’re planning and preparing forthat opportunity, you are very much

part of your own parents’ posteritynow and in the future. We are prayingfor all such to be righteously devotedto the family principles the Churchand your parents espouse.

Furthermore, we know that othersin our audience and in the Church arenot now married, nor do some havean intact family fitting the ideal weregularly refer to in the Church.Please be assured we are fully awareof the many different circumstancesthat exist among our members. Welove every one of you. We also realizethat as more and more families are indisarray and as many cultural forcesdevalue marriage, children, and tra-ditional family life, the GeneralAuthorities and general officers of theChurch feel increased urgency tospeak of ideals and gospel-centeredprinciples. Otherwise, the moral driftwhich the world inevitably experi-ences could take us to a point whereearnest people in and out of theChurch are truly at sea when it comesto divine expectations in marriageand eternal family standards.

Patterns and Replicas

Let me use a parable that I hopecan make this point, whatever yourmarital or family circumstance. Forlack of a better title, I call it “TheParable of the Homemade Shirt.” Mymother, bless her, was a marvelousseamstress. In my childhood years,when money was short and newclothing hard to come by, she wouldsometimes make clothing for us to

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General Patternsand Specific LivesE L D E R J E F F R E Y R . H O L L A N DOf the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

wear to school. I would see a shirtin a store window or in a mail-ordercatalog, and my mother would say,“I think I can make that.” By lookingat the shirt as closely as she could,she would then cut cloth and put inseams to a degree that was close tothe expensive original.

I pay her the tribute of being bothwilling and able to do that. But shedidn’t like to do it that way. While she could study the commercial prod-uct and come close, what she reallywanted was a pattern. A patternhelped her anticipate angles and corners and seams and stitches thatwere otherwise hard to recognize.Furthermore, if she went back for asecond or a third shirt, she was alwaysworking from a perfect original pat-tern, not repeating or multiplying theimperfections of a replica.

I think you can see my point andhers. We are bound to be in trouble ifa shirt is made from a shirt that wasmade from a shirt. A mistake or two inthe first product—inevitable withouta pattern—gets repeated and exag-gerated, intensified, more awkward,the more repetitions we make, untilfinally this thing I’m to wear to schooljust doesn’t fit. One sleeve’s too long.The other’s too short. One shoulderseam runs down my chest. The otherruns down my back. And the frontcollar button fastens behind my neck.I can tell you right now that such alook is not going to go over well inthe seventh grade.

The Ideal Pattern from God

Now, I hope this helps you under-stand why we talk about the pattern,the ideal, of marriage and family whenwe know full well that not everyonenow lives in that ideal circumstance.It is precisely because many don’thave, or perhaps have never evenseen, that ideal and because somecultural forces steadily move us awayfrom that ideal, that we speak aboutwhat our Father in Heaven wishes forus in His eternal plan for His children.

Individual adaptations have to bemade as marital status and family cir-cumstances differ. But all of us canagree on the pattern as it comes fromGod, and we can strive for its realiza-tion the best way we can.

We who are General Authoritiesand general officers are called toteach His general rules. You and wethen lead specific lives and must seek

the Lord’s guidance regarding specificcircumstances. But there would bemass confusion and loss of gospelpromises if no general ideal and nodoctrinal standard were establishedand, in our case today, repeated. Wetake great strength in knowing theLord has spoken on these matters,and we accept His counsel even whenit might not be popular.

Thank you for understanding whywe are concerned about protecting allmembers of families, whatever yourage, and why we speak in oppositionto trends or forces that would seek todestroy any aspect of God’s eternalplan of happiness. How grateful weare that the Lord has said, “I will giveunto you a pattern in all things, that yemay not be deceived” (D&C 52:14).

NOTE1. First Presidency letter, Feb. 11, 1999.

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We can agree on the pattern as it comes from God, and we can strive for itsrealization the best way we can.

Transcendent Ideas

I’m grateful to participate in thismeeting and greet all of you acrossthe world on this very sacred andsolemn occasion with perhaps themost important subject that we couldbring to you from the leadership ofthe Church. We have watched, as youhave watched, the patterns of theworld and have become increasinglyconcerned about the matters of homeand family.

The Church of Jesus Christ ofLatter-day Saints is the restoredChurch, and the initial introductionwas the appearance of the Father andthe Son to the Prophet Joseph Smith.In that great First Vision, as we referto it now, two great transcendentideas were revealed that have guidedthe Church ever since.

The first: He is the Father. Of allthe titles that God might have givento Himself, He chose the one that’sclosest to all of us. He is our Father.We accept that—that we are the chil-dren of God. And with the Son beingthere, it became a family introduction.And so the Father and the Sonappeared.

In a revelation given shortly there-after, the Lord said, “Wherefore, I theLord, knowing the calamity whichshould come upon the inhabitants ofthe earth, called upon my servantJoseph Smith, Jun., and spake untohim from heaven, and gave him com-mandments” (D&C 1:17).

Living by Revelation

And that was a beginning. It wasthe pattern, that we are to act andorganize and live according to therevelations that the Lord had given.These revelations, as you know, com-piled in the book of the Doctrine andCovenants and the revelations in theBook of Mormon and Pearl of GreatPrice, form the scriptural foundationfor the Church.

We found that the Lord did notorganize the Church according to thepatterns of the other churches of theworld. That is, there is no professionalclergy. We don’t have seminaries assuch to prepare clergymen or clergy-women to guide the Church. It issummed up in another sentence that“every man might speak in the nameof God the Lord, . . . the Savior of theworld” (D&C 1:20).

We find in that an equality of thebrethren who hold the priesthoodand the women who stand at theirside. We work together, and we’reorganized first as families. We all havethe right to inspiration and revelation,and oh, how we need it in this world,especially in the great challenge ofraising a family.

Raising a Righteous Posterity

Now, the theme of this meeting isto raise up a righteous posterity; it isan obligation. The first command-ment given to Adam and Eve was thatthey were to multiply and replenishthe earth, and the processes of multi-plying and replenishing the earth

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The Proclamationon the FamilyP R E S I D E N T B O Y D K . PA C K E RPresident of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

were given to them in their bodies.And that pattern would continuethrough all of the annals of humanhistory.

So we had the first family—Adamand his wife, Eve, and then their chil-dren. We know that there had been a war in heaven and that there hadbeen a rebellion and that Satan hadbeen cast out. He was determined todestroy the works of the Almighty andwas informed enough or wise enoughor even inspired enough to know thatthe place where he should start hisdestruction was with the family. Wesee that in the account of Adam andEve. Then as the history of theChurch unfolded, the responsibility of parents and children emerged.

A Proclamation to the World

Not too many years ago therecame a movement in the world

having to do with the family. TheUnited Nations called a council on thefamily in Beijing, China. We sent dele-gations to that council on the familyand to other councils that were held.And then it was announced that oneof them would be held near our head-quarters, and we thought, “Well, ifthey are coming here, we had betterproclaim ourselves.”

A proclamation in the Church is a significant, major announcement.Very few of them have been issuedfrom the beginning of the Church.They are significant; they are revela-tory. And at that time, this was a littlemore than 10 years ago, the Brethrenissued “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” It is scripturelike in itspower.

Now, you will hear in the otherpresentations that are made many ref-erences to the proclamation on the

family. I thought it would be of goodpurpose to read it to you. We knowwe’ve read it. But if we read it slowlyand carefully and articulate it verywell, it may have more revelation thanyou thought was there.

When you wonder why we are theway we are and why we do the thingswe do and why we will not do someof the things that we will not do, youcan find the authority for that in thisproclamation on the family. There aretimes when we are accused of beingintolerant because we won’t acceptand do the things that are supposedto be the norm in society. Well, thethings we won’t do, we won’t do. Andthe things we won’t do, we can’t do,because the standard we follow isgiven of Him.

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The first commandment given to Adam and Eve was to multiply and replenish theearth. That pattern has continued through all human history.

Let me just read the proclamationto you, and you listen to it and see ifyou don’t see in it the things that areforemost in society, in politics, in gov-ernment, in religion now that arecausing the most concern and diffi-culty. And you’ll find answers there.And the answers that are there are the answers of the Church.

“The Family: A Proclamation to theWorld”

“The First Presidency and Councilof the Twelve Apostles of The Churchof Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

“We, the First Presidency and theCouncil of the Twelve Apostles of TheChurch of Jesus Christ of Latter-daySaints, solemnly proclaim that mar-riage between a man and a woman isordained of God and that the family iscentral to the Creator’s plan for theeternal destiny of [all] His children.”

Premortal Existence

We know in the Church from thedoctrines that have been revealed tous that we had a premortal existence.It didn’t all begin with the populationof the earth with humankind. And the doctrines of the gospel were notnew when they were revealed to theProphet Joseph Smith. They werefrom all eternity and will be for alleternity. Now listen carefully:

“All human beings—male andfemale—are created in the image ofGod. Each is a beloved spirit son ordaughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential

characteristic of individual premortal,mortal, and eternal identity and pur-pose.”

“In the premortal realm, spirit sonsand daughters knew and worshipedGod as their Eternal Father and ac-cepted His plan by which His childrencould obtain a physical body and gainearthly experience to progress towardperfection and ultimately realize hisor her divine destiny as an heir ofeternal life. The divine plan of happi-ness enables family relationships tobe perpetuated beyond the grave.”

The Great Plan of Happiness

Note that it describes it as the planof happiness. It is described elsewhere,in the Book of Mormon, as the “greatplan of happiness” (Alma 42:8).

“The divine plan of happiness en-ables family relationships to be per-petuated beyond the grave. Sacredordinances and covenants available in

holy temples make it possible for indi-viduals to return to the presence ofGod and for families to be unitedeternally.”

“The first commandment that Godgave to Adam and Eve pertained totheir potential for parenthood as hus-band and wife. We declare that God’scommandment for His children tomultiply and replenish the earthremains in force. We further declarethat God has commanded that thesacred powers of procreation are tobe employed only between man andwoman, lawfully wedded as husbandand wife.”

You’ll note as we go through thisthat declarations such as this are chal-lenged. The world wants to change it.We will not. We cannot. When youwonder who we are and why we are,remember that we have this patternand we will follow it.

“We declare the means by whichmortal life is created to be divinelyappointed. We affirm the sanctity oflife and of its importance in God’seternal plan.”

Our position on such things asdivorce, abortion, and gender issuesare stated and outlined in the revela-tions, and the proclamation on thefamily is the clearest statement thatwe find of those issues.

Parental Duties

“Husband and wife have a solemnresponsibility to love and care foreach other and for their children.‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’

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(Psalm 127:3). Parents have a sacredduty to rear their children in love andrighteousness, to provide for theirphysical and spiritual needs, to teachthem to love and serve one another,to observe the commandments ofGod and to be law-abiding citizenswherever they live. Husbands andwives—mothers and fathers—will beheld accountable before God for thedischarge of these obligations.

“The family is ordained of God.Marriage between man and woman isessential to His eternal plan.”

And in the Church we recognizeno other pattern for marriage—mar-riage is between man and woman.

“Children are entitled to birthwithin the bonds of matrimony, andto be reared by a father and a motherwho honor marital vows with com-plete fidelity. Happiness in family lifeis most likely to be achieved whenfounded upon the teachings of theLord Jesus Christ.”

I’ve always felt that the ultimateend of all of the activities and pro-grams of the Church rests in a manand a woman and their family beinghappy at home.

“Successful marriages and familiesare established and maintained onprinciples of faith, prayer, repentance,forgiveness, respect, love, compas-sion, work, and wholesome recre-ational activities. By divinedesign, fathers are to presideover their families in love andrighteousness and areresponsible to provide the

necessities of life and protection fortheir families. Mothers are primarilyresponsible for the nurture of theirchildren. In these sacred responsibili-ties, fathers and mothers are obli-gated to help one another as equalpartners. Disability, death, or othercircumstances may necessitate indi-vidual adaptation. Extended familiesshould lend support when needed.

A Warning

“We warn”—we don’t often usethat word, but it’s appropriate here—“We warn that individuals who violatecovenants of chastity, who abusespouse or offspring, or who fail tofulfill family responsibilities will oneday stand accountable before God.Further, we warn that the disintegra-tion of the family will bring upon indi-viduals, communities, and nations thecalamities foretold by ancient andmodern prophets.

“We call upon responsiblecitizens and officers of

government everywhere to promotethose measures designed to maintainand strengthen the family as the fun-damental unit of society.”1

Doctrines and Ordinances

Now, you will hear in the presen-tations made in this Churchwidemeeting practical applications andinstruction and counsel and guidance,but it’s all centered back on the reve-lations of the scriptures, on doctrine,and on the principles as proclaimedin this proclamation on the family.

When you young people who nowlook forward to marriage and a fam-ily life look around and see the dan-gers, there is only one place on thisearth where the family can be fully

protected, and that’s within the ordi-nances and the doctrines of the gos-pel of Jesus Christ. Live the gospel,and you’re going to be all right.

The world isn’t a very pleasantplace to live in, and there are chal-lenges and disorders and patterns oflife and death and all of the problemsthat come to us, and yet the answersare found in understanding that thefamily is the fundamental unit of theChurch. All of the activities of theChurch are calculated to strengthenthe family.

Help for Families

Sometimes we may move a littleaway from our position of supportingfamilies to having the families respon-sible to support the Church. Local

leaders need to use care in organizingactivities and programs of the Churchto bring the young men and youngwomen forward and prepare them formarried life and then help them intheir early marriage years and on toold age.

I’m finding that old age is an inter-esting experience. I have wonderedabout the patterns of love and familyassociation, the romantic love ofyouth. Will that be preserved? Oh,yes. That will not only be preservedbut glorified and augmented.

Now, it’s not easy to establish afamily in this life and to raise children.But with the Church as it is, you findthe help that you need.

We know how to pray, we knowhow to teach, but there are times

when we need help. Always, every-where, there’s a priesthood file leader.We’ve been taught the patterns of rev-elation and know that we have individ-ual revelation. When we are unsure,we can turn to priesthood file leaders.And if we follow them, we’ll get safelythrough modern life with our childrenand our grandchildren.

Now in our family we have grand-children and great-grandchildren andstill have the need to turn to thepriesthood file leaders, to do what we are ordinarily expected to do inthe Church. There are times of chal-lenge and difficulty and danger anddisappointment, but protecting fami-lies is what the Church is about. Wedo everything we can in the Churchto protect the families, and then thereis the priesthood leadership, thepower that’s present everywhere in the world, in every nation wherethe Church exists—men who areordained to the priesthood andwomen who are wise and maternal,with motherly instincts.

When our children left home to goa great distance and settle their familyin a distant city, we saw them leaveand had the comfort of knowing thatthey would have a family there. Andwe told our children on more thanone occasion, “You won’t be able totelephone us very often because ofthe expense. But you will have agrandma there. Where will you findyour grandma? In Relief Society. Andyou’ll have wise counsel and be ableto have the same strength that you’ve

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It’s not easy to establish a family in this life and raise children. But in the Churchyou find the help that you need.

had in our own family. And when yougo, it just broadens the family circle.”

Now, if you’ll listen to the instruc-tion that will be coming in this session,you’ll find that there is inspiration anddirection. Know also that when we’rebaptized into The Church of JesusChrist of Latter-day Saints, there isanother ordinance, separate from bap-tism, in which the gift of the HolyGhost is conferred. Brethren holdingthe authority place their hands uponthe head of each individual, each per-son who has been baptized, and con-fer upon him or her that gift, and it is to be a light and a teacher and acorrector and a guide as we movethrough life.

Guidance and Blessings

I don’t think it’s called for formembers of the Church to live in fear,to see all that’s going on around usand say, “How can we ever raise a fam-ily when all of this temptation and dif-ficulty is about us?”

Well, you can, because you can beguided and you can teach your chil-dren to be guided. In all of that youcan live a happy life and find in theconsummation of all of this, in thenext existence, that the family can betogether.

Now, sometimes there are thosethat are lost. We have the promise ofthe prophets that they are not lostpermanently, that if they are sealed inthe temple ordinances and if thecovenants are kept, in due time, after

all the correction that’s necessary tobe given, that they will not be lost.

So I extend my blessings to all ofyou across the Church as you enjoyfamily life, either as parents or as chil-dren or in any pattern that is yourpattern, that you’ll be blessed andwatched over, that the power of theHoly Ghost will be present in your lifeand the guarding power of the priest-hood ever present will be there to cor-rect you, to bless you, to boost you,and to confirm in you a testimony.

God Is Our Father!

I know that God lives, that He isour Father, that He is our Father! Idon’t quite know how to say thatword. It’s a word we say almost glibly.But He’s our Father; He loves us. Andin that same pattern, we who lead theChurch have that same feeling to allwho are members of the Church andall who might be. So I invoke theblessings of the Lord upon all of youand the blessings of the Father uponall you as members of the Church aswe face the responsibility of raisingup a righteous posterity, in the nameof Jesus Christ, amen.

NOTE1. “The Family: A Proclamation to the

World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.

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Roundtable DiscussionE L D E R D A L L I N H . O A K SOf the Quorum of the TwelveApostles

E L D E R J E F F R E Y R . H O L L A N DOf the Quorum of the TwelveApostles

J U L I E B . B E C KRelief Society General President

S U S A N W. TA N N E RYoung Women General President

C H E R Y L C . L A N TPrimary General President

The Creator’s Plan

Elder HollandWe’re pleased to have with us

Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorumof the Twelve Apostles; Sister JulieBeck, general president of the ReliefSociety; Sister Susan Tanner, generalpresident of the Young Women; andSister Cheryl Lant, general presidentof the Primary. These leaders havebeen kind enough to invite me to jointhem at the table and have asked meto assume the role of moderating thisdiscussion.

There is a statement in the world-wide proclamation on the family thatsays, “Marriage between man andwoman is essential to His eternalplan.”1 When we talk about marriageand family in the Church, why do wewant to put it in the context of God’splan? That’s the language we use; it’sthe language we’ll undoubtedly usehere tonight. Why do we put it in thecontext of eternity and the overallplan of salvation?

Elder Oaks

Well, in the family proclamation

we’re told that the “family is central to

the Creator’s plan for the eternal des-

tiny of His children.” This means that

our individual decisions and desires

on marriage and the bearing and rear-

ing of children are immensely impor-

tant in eternal terms. We need to be

guided in this by the commandments

of God and the teachings of His ser-

vants, not by the icons of popular cul-

ture or the conventions of political

correctness. I think that’s a main

message we need to keep in mind

and a main purpose for our address-

ing all of the adults of the Church in

this important broadcast.

Elder Holland

Good. Thank you. Sisters, any com-

ments about the eternal scheme of

all of this, why we’re not just another

social organization, or why we’re not

just another agency speaking out of

community needs? Any comments?

A Three-Way Commitment

Sister Tanner

I think the marriage commit-

ment—and it is a commitment that

the world does not seem to recognize

at all—is a three-way commitment.

Husbands and wives are committed

to each other, but they’re also defi-

nitely committed to our Father in

Heaven. The binding force in this

marriage relationship is charity, the

pure love of Christ. As we have this

charity for one another, it not only

draws us to each other, but it draws

us closer to our Father in Heaven and

therefore closer to each other in the

marriage relationship.

Elder Holland

In terms of that little triangle you

just drew for us with your hands, we

have our special emphasis on really

trying to bring heaven into the home,

trying to bring God into a marriage.

Any counsel for brothers and sisters

out there, younger or older, who are

still trying to do that? Any feeling?

Sister Lant What comes to my mind is that

when we talk about this eternal family,we’re not talking about a perfect fam-ily; we’re talking about a family that’strying to become perfect eventuallyand get back to our Father in Heaven.And so then when you bring into thatcontext this idea of a triangle, withour Father in Heaven helping us workthrough the challenges of life, to methat is what a perfect family in this lifeis. It’s not one without challenges, butone that has challenges and is work-ing toward solving them with the helpof our Father in Heaven.

Sister Beck I’d like to say something about the

women out there who’ve been aban-doned for one reason or another—left alone by a husband—and aboutour widowed women. We have manywomen out there who in perfect faithand faithfulness signed up for thewhole plan at the time they weresealed, and now they find themselvesalone. I know of many of these faith-ful women who’ve said, “All right. Isigned up for the plan, and I’m notgoing to let it go just because I’malone now. I still will have familyprayer. I still will have family scripturestudy. Family home evening will hap-pen. We will educate this family. Wewill take care of the needs of this fam-ily under the plan of the Lord.” I sa-lute and honor those brave womenwho do that. They don’t abandon the plan because they are alone. It’sharder work if you’re alone, but youcan still do it.

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Elder Oaks The Lord didn’t tell us it would be

easy, but He has assured us it wouldbe possible.

The Centrality of the Family

Sister Beck We asked why the family is central

to the Creator’s plan. How do weknow that? We know from revela-tions to the prophets that we lived in heaven before we were born, thatwe participated in a great conflict inthe premortal world for the privilegeof being part of an eternal family.

There is an eternal family unit, andthis is the whole plan. Then every-thing else we have fits into that plan.

Elder Holland There might be wards and stakes in

heaven—I don’t know anything aboutthem—or there may well be someother organization that we don’t knowmuch about. What we do know willexist in heaven is families. And mostof what has been revealed about ourafterlife, our eternal life, our celestiallife, focuses on family organization,and thus the high principles of thetemple, the covenants we make there.

We hope this helps the member-ship of the Church and those who arenot members of the Church realizewhy we talk about this so much.

Elder Oaks So much of what we concentrate

on in mortality—power, prominence,property, prestige—are things that wedon’t have any evidence will makeany difference in the next life. Butfamily will.

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Unity and Unselfishness in Marriage

Elder Holland We’re going to move into a discus-

sion about family, about children andbearing them, rearing them, lovingthem and helping them be all thatthey need to be, but before we do,what about the personal things ofmarriage?

How do we work on marriage so itprovides the environment that we willeventually want children to be borninto and raised in?

Sister Lant You ask how we get to the point

where we’re ready to have a family andto bring children into the world. Therehas to be that spiritual foundation, thatunity of goals and beliefs between ahusband and wife about what theywant to have in their home and intheir family to make it successful.

Sister Beck One of the simplest instructions

on how to do this comes in Genesis,chapter 2, where the Lord says that aman will leave his father and his

mother and cleave unto his wife andthey two shall be one (see Genesis2:24). That’s three assignments that acouple has right at the beginning: theyleave where they were, they cleavetogether, and they become one. And ifthey work on those three principles,then they start to develop that rela-tionship with the Lord.

Elder Oaks I like to tell a young couple who are

being married that in the marriagerelationship they ought to look first toone another, as they do across the altarduring their marriage—not first totheir parents, not first to their siblings,not first to their friends, but in solvingall of their problems, they should lookfirst to one another, because the unitybetween them under the presiding,loving authority of a Heavenly Fatherin that triangle you spoke of earlier iswhat will get them over the inevitableproblems of marriage.

Sister Tanner I like to think about this beginning

story, this very first love story ofAdam and Eve. When Adam was cre-ated, the Lord gave him everything.He gave him a beautiful world. Hecreated flowers and beasts and thiswonderful garden in which to live.But Adam couldn’t progress. Mancould not progress until he had ahelp meet for him, a person who wasmeet for him or suited for him inevery way, in emotional ways, in spiri-tual ways, in physical ways.

That tells us about the kind ofcompanionship we should have in a

FEBRUARY 2008 13

didn’t have a good marriage, but she

meant that you never let a day go by

without thinking about how you can

bless your spouse and help meet his

or her needs.

Choosing a Spouse

Sister Beck

Oftentimes we hear young adults

saying, “I’m looking for my soul

mate.” And they put off being married

because they think there’s one per-

fect match and a soul mate who then

will be their best friend forever. What

should they really be looking for if

they’re interested in seeking after the

Lord’s blessings and forming an eter-

nal family? How do they do that?

Elder Oaks

I’m always doubtful when I hear

that someone’s waiting for the per-

son that was predestined for them in

heaven. There may be such cases.

But I think most of us are looking for

someone we love, whom we can stand

together with and go forward with,

who has your same ideals and princi-

ples to make an eternal family. I think

the idea that you’re waiting until some-

thing hits you on the head as if to say

“this is it” just postpones marriage and

sometimes prevents it altogether.

Elder Holland

I think we’ve all heard comments

such as “Well, I need to get through

school before I get married” or “I need

to get a job” or “I need a little money

in the bank” or “We’re going to need a

car.” We start to hear, increasingly in

society, those kinds of stipulations. We

want all of this in place.

I have loved a very homely little

definition of love that James Thurber

gave many, many years ago. He said,

“Love is what you go through

together.”3

To you single adults out there—

you shouldn’t miss the ties that bind

and the experiences that link us

together in our youth and in our hard-

ship and in our sacrifice as well as in

senior years when maybe you’ve got a

little more money.

Elder Oaks

Remember there’s a Heavenly

Father there, and when we do what He

has asked us to do, He will bless us.

Let’s not deny Him the opportunity to

fulfill His promises by taking it all upon

us as if we had to do it all by ourselves.

Sister Lant

At the same time, we want to make

sure that we don’t encourage the

young people to settle for substan-

dard—and I’m talking about standards

of the Church. They should not settle

by marrying someone who will not

stand shoulder-to-shoulder with them

in the gospel and serving the Lord.

Don’t Live in Fear

Sister Tanner

I think being married, having fam-

ilies, being faithful, and sacrificing for

the gospel is all joyful. It brings true

joy in our lives. We need to remember

that and emphasize that. Family life is

a great blessing to us.

good marriage. We need to be suited

for one another. We need to think

about what it is we can do to help that

companionship progress. We each

bring basic, innate qualities to the mar-

riage, and we each have individual

missions to perform in our marriages.

But we also need to get outside of

ourselves and be unselfish in that

companionship and help one another.

Elder Holland

I’ve heard President Hinckley say

that selfishness may be the single

biggest challenge in a marriage.2 Any

counsel for the Church about how to

keep working on this and say, “How

has your day been?” rather than just

“How has mine been?”

Sister Lant

You know, there’s so much talk in

today’s world about “are my needs

being met?” You hear that so much.

Elder Holland

Yes, needs is a very big word.

Sister Lant

Yes, “my needs aren’t being met.”

And I think if we could just get to the

point where we are thinking about

someone else’s needs, our needs are

met. That’s the best way to get our

needs met, if we are looking to take

care of somebody else.

Sister Tanner

I grew up in a home where there

was a very good marriage, but I re-

member my mother saying over and

over to me, “It takes work to have a

good marriage; it requires consistent

effort.” She wasn’t saying that they

Elder Holland With all that’s happening around us,

internationally and otherwise, I thinkthere’s a lot of fear expressed. I hear alot of fear among young single adultsand teenagers wondering whetherthere’s going to be a future. “Will I livelong enough to have a marriage?”

Listen, it has always been tough.There has never been a time in the his-tory of the world when there weren’tproblems, when there weren’t thingsto be fearful about. That’s why we havethe gospel. We can’t live in fear—notin this Church—that somehow thingsaren’t going to work out or that there’stoo much that’s ominous out therethat’s going to strike. That can be per-sonal fear or collective fear for civiliza-tion. We just need to live the gospeland summon our faith and get answersto our prayers and go forward. Andthat’s the way it’s always been done.

Elder Oaks If I can paraphrase a scripture,

“Perfect love [of the Lord] casteth outfear” (1 John 4:18; see also Moroni8:16).

Equal Partners

Elder Oaks Let me ask a question that relates

to this. I’ve heard some young peoplecontemplating marriage and in theircourtship say, “If we could just make a list of the things you’ll do and thethings that I’ll do, then under theterms of that list and this compact,we’ll have a happy marriage.” Howabout that?

Sister Beck

It’s not a list. The list changes.

It ebbs and flows every day.

Sister Tanner

There’s a wonderful quote from the

author John Milton in his epic poem

Paradise Lost. Adam praises Eve for

“those thousand decencies that daily

flow from all her words and actions,

mixt with Love.”4 It would be wonder-

ful if we could have companionships

that were filled with decencies daily,

where we think about what we can do

through our words and actions to

show love.

Sister Lant

You know, there has to be a divi-

sion of labor to some extent in a mar-

riage, because you can’t do it all by

yourself. But it has occurred to me—

well, it’s evident—that the division of

labor for young couples today is dif-

ferent than it was when I was first

married. I watch the young couples in

my family—my children and their

spouses—and the way they do things

in their family. It’s different than we

did. They still get the job done. They

work together in a different way. And

in many ways it’s better than the way

we did it. The point is, though, that

it’s individual. Each couple has to

work out how they will do things.

Elder Holland

You’re taking me back to the

proclamation, which speaks of being

equal partners. We don’t just say,

“You’re going to be the only nurturer,

and I’m going to be the only one

14 FEBRUARY 2008

that’s concerned about the money or whatever.” There will be ebbingand flowing. There’s a balance here.We’ve got to be in this together.We’ve got to share in this. It seems to me that’s exactly what the procla-mation said.

Another line from the proclama-tion is, “Happiness in family life ismost likely to be achieved whenfounded upon the teachings of theLord Jesus Christ.” That says to me,“I’d better address my flaws beforeI spend a lot of time worrying abouteverybody else’s flaws in the family.”

Elder Oaks I think that’s simply a manifesta-

tion of what Jesus taught when Hesaid don’t try to cast the mote out ofanother’s eye until you’ve checkedthe beam in your own (see Matthew7:3–5; Luke 6:41–42; 3 Nephi 14:3–5).

Latter-day Saint Culture

Sister Beck I can think of an example of some

friends of mine who were converts tothe Church, and in their culture, intheir family, there was not this unityand Christlike example. It wasn’t partof their heritage. But they had joinedthe Church and embraced the teach-ings of the Savior, and they said whenthey were married, “What will the cul-ture of our family be like? What culturewill we have?” And they determinedvery carefully, “We will have a Latter-daySaint culture.” They studied the scrip-tures; they studied the doctrines, ask-ing, “What should our family look like

in order to conform to what we knowto be true?” They built their home onthose Christlike principles that youmentioned. What did the Savior teach?How do we treat each other? Goodmanners, kindness, respect.

And now over many years, we haveseen that family emerge. They don’thave the culture of their country. Theyhave a gospel culture in their home.

Elder Oaks And that is a far better foundation

for a marriage—a Latter-day Saint cul-ture—than a set of job lists.

Sister Lant We have told our children through

the years as they get married that it’snot about who’s right; it’s about what’sright. Each of them brings traditionsfrom the families that they come from,and you would hope that as they bringthose together, they would look atwhat’s right—looking at the gospelprinciples to determine that—andthen they are much better than either

of their families were. Their family willbe stronger; it will be better.

Bearing Children in Faith

Elder Holland Sister Tanner, you mentioned Adam

and Eve. I have been so grateful thatwe have the second chapter of 2 Nephiin the Book of Mormon, which tells usmore about the decision Adam andEve made than anyone else in theworld has ever been able to know.

And as I read 2 Nephi 2, it is crystalclear there would not have been chil-dren born to Adam and Eve in thegarden (see verse 23). I think most ofthe world does not know that. Withus it’s a very fundamental doctrinalpoint, again underscoring the idea ofthe eternal plan, the centrality of thefamily, the point all of you have madeabout the plan.

Sister Tanner I feel we are so blessed in the

Church to have the proclamation on

the family. We can look to this docu-ment as almost scriptural because itcomes to us from the living prophetsand apostles. In it we are remindedthat the commandment God gave toAdam and Eve to multiply and replen-ish the earth as husband and wiferemains in force.

I remember when I was a youngsingle adult and in my early marriedyears, I heard that commandmentpreached over the pulpit by apostlesand prophets. I was grateful for thatcounsel. I remember hearing thempreach that we were to get married,to have children, and to get an educa-tion, sort of all simultaneously, asimpossible as it sounds. Maybe it doesseem impossible; I am sure we havepeople who question and wonderhow it is possible.

As I’ve thought about this com-mandment to multiply remaining inforce, I know that it is true and cor-rect. I also believe that it requires ofus great faith and great courage andoften great sacrifice. It requires us tobe in tune with the Lord to receivepersonal revelation, and I think itrequires a pure heart so that we arenot judgmental of other people whoare exercising their faith and havingtheir own personal revelation inregard to that commandment.

Elder Oaks I think what Sister Tanner has just

said is true and immensely important.Thank you for that statement. We’rein danger today, it seems to me, ofour members of the Church looking

FEBRUARY 2008 15

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In their sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help eachother as equal partners.

to worldly priorities in their decisions

about childbearing. Instead of making

those decisions in faith on the Lord’s

promises and in reliance upon what

we know of the great plan of happi-

ness and the purpose of life, they

look to other sources—television or

prominent ideological gurus in the

world today or even the pressure of

their neighbors—to make decisions

that are fundamental and eternal and

need to be made prayerfully before

the Lord.

Sister Beck

I think it is an issue of faith. We

know of many places around the world

where there are housing shortages.

How do you find even a place to live as

a new married couple, let alone bear

children, when you can’t find a place

to live? I think that this is a matter of

faith. We don’t have children because

we have money, because we have

means. We have children with faith.

That feeling and attitude of seeking

for the Lord’s blessings under the

plan, I believe, will create miracles in

the lives of people. If you’re in a place

where there’s a housing shortage, the

way will be opened up. Just as paying

tithing is a matter of faith, so is having

children a matter of faith. You don’t

pay tithing with money; you don’t

have children with money.

Elder Oaks

We can add to that that we are

teaching general principles because

we are General Authorities and gen-

eral officers.

Sister Tanner I love the phrase “the way will be

opened up if we walk by faith.” I havea personal testimony that ways doopen up when we are faithful. Whenwe were first married, my husband’sfather gave him a blessing that said,“Follow the principles of the gospel—do what you know that you should inthis marriage and walk by faith—andthe way will be opened up, ways thatare unforeseen to you right now.”

Walking by faith doesn’t mean towalk recklessly. We need to be verywise in our decisions and then workvery hard and be willing to sacrificeand maybe go without some things.My husband and I know that hisfather’s blessing was fulfilled in ourlives. Ways unforeseen to us wereopened up. I know it is a true princi-ple for anyone who walks by faith.

Sister Lant You talked about being willing to do

the work that it takes. Having childrenis a lot of work. And we have to not beafraid of that, because it’s that very ele-ment of working hard and being will-ing to do whatever it takes that makesus who we are. It’s the sacrifice thatmakes us who we are. I want to bearmy testimony of the joy that comesfrom having families, from having children, because there’s not only thecommandment from the Lord to do it,but there are great promised blessings.

Elder Oaks And let us be mindful of the fact

that in many parts of the worldwhere people are listening to this

broadcast, the idea of having chil-dren has been rejected. Or thethought is that if you have one childthat’s enough and a person is justfoolish or unpatriotic to have morethan one child. There are plenty ofideas out there in the world thatwork against the gospel plan. And asfather Lehi said, “[There] must needsbe . . . an opposition in all things”(2 Nephi 2:11). We can’t expect to beapplauded every time we do some-thing that we know is right. But Godwill bless you.

The Desires of the Heart

Sister Beck I know of many couples who

desire to have children and aren’tgiven that blessing. Their challenge isthe challenge of not having children.We need to be listening and support-ive and encouraging toward them.I also believe that the desire to havechildren in the single sisters and inthese couples probably won’t go awayif they’re righteous, because that is aGod-given desire. It speaks to theirvery natures and the training theyreceived in the heavens. That longingwill not go away. But the Lord willbless them.

Elder Oaks And that longing will weigh in the

Final Judgment. One of the mostcomforting passages in all of scripture for me is in the 137th section of theDoctrine and Covenants, verse 9,where we’re told that the Lord willjudge us according to our works andaccording to the desires of our hearts.

16 FEBRUARY 2008

The Family Comes First

Elder Holland Let’s talk about the rearing of the

children, what comes after we havefulfilled the commandment to bearchildren and to continue their eter-nal progress by giving them mortalopportunity. Those duties are notunrelated. It seems to me that theLord’s commandment to us is notsimply to bear children, it is to bearthem with the idea that we will savethem.

Elder Oaks While we’re talking about this,

what does it mean that the familycomes first? We say that, and we be-lieve it, but what does it mean thatthe family comes first?

I want to use your eyeglasses torecall a metaphor from Neal Maxwell.He suggested on another subject thatwe write something on the inside of our glasses so that whenever welooked at any subject, we see thatmessage. Similarly, we might say thatwhen we look at decisions about howthe family will use its time or deci-sions about how the ward will sched-ule its activities, we have writteninside of our eyeglasses, “The familycomes first.”

Elder Holland I love—we all love—the line from

Ecclesiastes, “To every thing there is aseason, and a time to every purposeunder the heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1).We’ve only got so much time, but weall have the same amount of it. So I

think if we work on priorities, we canmake family first. I think we can do abetter job.

Elder Oaks And when we speak of family first,

we have to think of ideas like familyprayer and family home evening andfamily scripture study and makingtime and seeing that these thingshappen which have eternal conse-quences in the spiritual growth of our children. That’s a manifestationof “family comes first.”

Family Patterns

Elder HollandI introduced the word pattern in

those brief remarks as we started.Some of these things that we probablytake for granted should not be takenfor granted, like family scripture study,like family prayer, like family homeevening—we tend to dash those off asif they were understood by everybody,but they are not. They ought tobecome part of a family pattern.

Sister Tanner One hopeful thing about patterns

is that even though we sense ourimperfections in trying to establishthese patterns, it’s quite remarkableand fulfilling for us as we see our chil-dren then carry on those patterns,even though we didn’t feel like wewere totally perfect at it.

Elder Holland Some of it got through.

Sister TannerOn a personal note, my husband

said at his father’s funeral that he hadnever learned anything at church thathe had not already learned in his ownhome. That is such a tribute to hisparents—parents of a large family. Hetalks of how they would sometimesgather on the parents’ bed, and thefather would pull down an old blindin the bedroom and draw on it a chartdepicting the plan of salvation. Hesaid, “We learned the plan of salvationsitting together on our father’s andmother’s bed. And not only did welearn gospel truths, but we would alsogo out together and play ‘No Bears

Are Out Tonight’ or other games as afamily.” There were a lot of goodthings that this family did to utilizetheir family time to pull together, toteach, and to create memories.

Elder Oaks I recall a rule we had in our fam-

ily—every family has rules—that wewould never have the television onwhen we were eating a meal, becausewe thought this time of gathering wasa time for conversation: “What did youdo today?” “What’s troubling you?”“How can we help?” That doesn’t takeplace if the news, however important,is blaring into the family mealtime. Wecouldn’t afford fast food, so we didn’thave any rules to resist that. But wehad a rule of no television and ofmuch conversation, and we would allbe home for dinner. We couldn’t all doit for breakfast—our circumstanceswere such—but we had one mealwhere we sat down together. That wasvery good for our family.

Sister Tanner We had similar experiences. You’ve

talked about conversation and bindingyourselves together with each other inthat conversation. Not only is it bind-ing and informative, it’s fun. You canlaugh together, and you can share ten-der experiences. We typically had ourfamily prayer at breakfast time and atdinnertime, because we were togetherfor those two meals. Our family prayeroften introduced the topics of conver-sation for the mealtime. Sometimesmy husband would pray for a grandmawho was having an operation. Or he’dpray for people suffering somewherein the world from an earthquake orother natural disaster. And then as weate, we had these interesting topics todiscuss and this time together to bindus as a family unit.

Sister Beck I was raised in a big family. My par-

ents had a lot of children. And thatmeans there were a lot of opinions. Itwas a lot of work to care for this family.

18 FEBRUARY 2008

My parents used the tool of familyhome evening to really teach us.Every week we sang “Love at Home”as the opening hymn. I remember asa teenager thinking it was really tire-some to sing that hymn every week.

Elder Oaks Sometimes that hymn is sung

through clenched teeth.

Elder Holland And by assignment.

Sister Lant Sometimes it’s the mother’s

clenched teeth.

Sister Beck It was more a belief than a practice.

But every week, Dad would say, “Nowwe’ll sing our opening hymn, ‘Love at Home.’ ” When I was about 14 or15, in that age when you questioneverything, I asked my father, “Whydo we have to sing this hymn everyweek? There are a lot of good hymnsin the hymnbook we could sing.”

And he looked at me very sternly,and he said, “When you have learnedlesson 1, I will teach you lesson 2.”I don’t know what lesson 2 was; wedidn’t ever get there, but I have to saythat after the passage of many years, Ilook at my family, and we do love oneanother. We did, somehow, over theyears, learn to love each otherbecause that was lesson 1 my parentswanted to teach. They didn’t try tocover everything. They knew if theystarted with that, it would work.

I had a wonderful young motherapproach me. She had four childrenunder the age of six, and she said,

“We are being faithful in trying tohave our family scripture study everymorning, but it’s just a disaster.Somebody’s always crying; they don’tpay attention.” And I said, “How longare you trying to do this?” She said,“Well, we set a goal to do 10 minutesevery day.” Trying to ease her worry,I said, “Well, with the audience youhave, you’re probably about 8 min-utes too long.” She had the patterndown, and she needed to adapt a lit-tle bit to the age of her audience.Maybe they could start with a pictureof Adam and Eve and talk about thepicture and not try to help a two-year-old read the scriptures. But she wasfaithful, and I loved her for that.

I do, however, believe it is impor-tant for even very young children tohear the scriptures being read tothem. The language of the scripturesshould become as familiar to them asthe language of their parents.

Not Judging Others

Sister Lant Elder Holland, I wanted to say just

a word about judging other people.We look at other people, and thingsare not always as they seem. We thinkit’s one way, but it isn’t always that way.

We had a large family, and my hus-band was the bishop when all thechildren were still very young. I wouldwork all day Saturday and all morningSunday to get them to church, and Ihad to get them there early or we justdidn’t even get there. We would linethe whole bench—the whole centerbench was filled with our children onthe second row back—and we wouldbe there before the meeting started.

I remember one day a sister cameup behind me and leaned over andsaid, “Sister Lant, if my kids were asgood as yours and if it was as easy forme as it is for you, I would have alarge family too.”

Well, I started to cry, and I criedclear through the whole meeting. Andmy husband kept looking at me like“What is wrong? What is wrong?” I wasa mess. I completely had a come-apart.And it was because it wasn’t easy.

We tend to judge one another. Wejudge harshly. Or we judge unfairly aswe look at others unkindly. And wedon’t really know what one another’ssituations are. We just have to loveeach other.

Elder Holland And cling to the doctrine, cling to

these ideals—we’re going to climbthis mountain the best way we know

FEBRUARY 2008 19

how, and that will sometimes be a lit-tle different for each family.

Working Together

Elder Oaks There’s another aspect of that, and

that is to challenge fathers to take theleadership. The family proclamationasks them to lead out. Fathers shouldcall their families around them forfamily prayer. Fathers should makesure that family home evenings areheld. Sometimes that’s best done bydelegating to a mother the planning;she may be a lot better at it than thefather. But the Lord holds the fatherresponsible. That’s why we read inthe family proclamation that “fathersare to preside.”

Fathers, rise up and perform yourrole.

Elder Holland And that fits with our earlier com-

ment too, that many forces in theworld would take people out of thehome. This is yet another example ofour trying to bring people into thehome, including and especially, wesay again, fathers.

Sister Lant The fathers preside, and the

fathers call their families aroundthem. But mothers have to facilitatethat. They have to enable their fami-lies to gather like that and pave theway for it to be a good experience.

Sister Beck When you’re together, when you

know—right back to our beginning

principle—the family is ordained ofGod and we’re in this together, thenyou of course plan together and seethat it happens. You help it happentogether.

Sister Lant And children have to be willing.

Teenagers have to be willing torespond.

Sister Beck Well, sometimes they’re willing.

Elder Oaks No small task.

Sister Lant Do it anyway. Do it anyway.The principles that we’ve talked

about, all of these principles aboutwhat the family should be based on,all point us to the temple. I think thatthe temple is such a blessing in ourlives, whether we have a family thathas already gone to the temple, orwhether we’re hoping for a familythat will enter the temple. All of theseprinciples of truth and these patternsof family life culminate in the bless-ings of the temple because that’swhere we become eternal families.

Elder Ballard has said to us that“clearly, those . . . entrusted withprecious children have been given asacred, noble stewardship, for we arethe ones that God has appointed toencircle today’s children with loveand the fire of faith and an under-standing of who they are.”5 And thatsays it all for what we have to do asparents.

Extended Families

Elder Holland Why don’t we say just a word

about others who can help “fami-lies”—grandparents, aunts, uncles,someone who for a time does nothave a complete family. We acknowl-edged in the introduction that noteverybody is going to meet this pro-file, but we can all be committed tothe ideal; we can all be committed tothe doctrine. Any comments abouthow families, broadly defined, pitch in and take an interest?

Sister Lant I would hate to think as a mother

that I had no help from anyone else.I am grateful for the good peoplewho have had influence on my chil-dren. And there are many of them,from teachers, to neighbors, tofriends, to extended relatives. Thereare many ways that people help mychildren. And I am grateful for that.It’s an added witness to the thingsthat we’re trying to teach them. Andsometimes you get to a point withone of your children where you can-not have the influence on them youwould like to have, but someoneelse can.

I’ve had some of my children live inforeign countries. My youngest daugh-ter has been living in Spain with herhusband, and she had her first babyover in Spain. Of course she was a longdistance from Grandma, and I wasconcerned about this and concernedabout her, but these wonderful Saintsthere were her family. They were there

20 FEBRUARY 2008

for her, and they helped her, and theygathered around her and loved herand loved that baby. How grateful I wasfor them and for their caring and fortheir influence in her life.

Elder Oaks Having been raised in a single-

parent household after my fatherdied shortly before my eighth birth-day, I know firsthand what the influ-ence of grandparents is, what theinfluence of aunts and uncles andcousins is. I have rejoiced to see thestrength of extended families as I’vetraveled outside the United States.

I think in many parts of the worldthe structure of the extended family isstronger than it has become in NorthAmerica. I would just encourage myfellow members in North America to make sure they’re reaching out,strengthening that extended family,and know that there are places in theworld where that situation is function-ing better than it is in North America.

Ward Family

Sister Beck There’s also the ward family. As

we’ve mentioned, in every ward you’regoing to have a spectrum of experi-ence and challenges. Some of thosewomen will be able to have children;some will be married; some will bewidowed; some won’t. In reality thereare a few women who will be able tohave children and have a lot of them.In that ward family we should rallyaround and support those who invitechildren into their family. It’s a chal-lenge to have a large family. I would

certainly hope that no member of theChurch would approach another sisterin the ward and say, “You’re crazy forhaving another child,” but rather cele-brate her ability and her desire to havethem and say, “I’m supporting you. Letme do all I can to encourage and helpyou in that.”

Elder Oaks I’m glad you mentioned that,

because we do get reports that someLatter-day Saints criticize other Latter-day Saints for having children. I re-member early in our marriage whenmy wife June was pregnant with ourfifth child, a very active sister in ourward said to her, “What are you try-ing to do, populate the world all byyourself?” And I was proud of Junewhen she came right back with aresponse: “I can’t think of anyonebetter to do it.”

Elder Holland And we all acknowledge—Sister

Tanner touched on it—that there areissues of health, there are issues thatare not materialistic. We’re not talkingabout money or political correctnessor deference to society, we’re talkingabout legitimate gospel-orientedthings that we watch and measure.That is all the more reason not tojudge. We teach, we encourage, werally, we cheer; within the context ofthe gospel we encourage people toseek that destiny that is theirs.

Never Give Up

Sister Tanner On the subject of rearing children,

we will probably have people in our

audience who are going to start feel-ing bad about themselves. The dis-crepancy between the ideal and thereality of everyday life sometimesseems very large to us as mothers andfathers. But I know that being amother or father is an eternal role,an eternal calling, and that with thatcalling, as with any calling, we areblessed with a mantle. We need thatmantle, and we need the spirit of thatmantle with us constantly as we rearour children. In fact, I think that we,like Elisha, need a double portion ofthat spirit as we rear our children (see2 Kings 2:9). I know Heavenly Fatherwill bless us with that. These are Hischildren, and He will bless us with adouble portion of the spirit as weseek to rear them in righteousness.

Elder Oaks And some are simply more difficult

than others. There’s no such thing as treating all children equally in theparental attention or some of thebasic decisions required. We might beequal in the division of property as wechoose or don’t choose, but we surecan’t be equal in the division of timebecause the needs are different.

Sister Beck I saw an example of the time divi-

sion in my own home growing up. Myoldest sister, the oldest of 10, lost herhearing when she was age two. Therewas no way for my mother to say, “Iwill give 10 minutes to this child and10 minutes to the next one.” There is no doubt that daughter took thelion’s share of the time for quite along time in the family.

FEBRUARY 2008 21

I also think that the help and thepower for a sealed eternal familycomes from the temple. Much like a stake president is given keys andpower and authority, and a bishop has keys and authority to run his ward and officiate there, parents inthe temple are given that power toreceive answers, to receive revelation to resolve what they need to resolve.

Elder Oaks Part of that vision is to realize that

God has given these, His children, thepower of choice. And the time comesin their maturity when they have tomake choices and be accountable forthem.

It’s always so unfortunate whenparents carry a burden of guiltthroughout their adult lives for everydecision their children have made. Wenever, never, never give up. And we’reresponsible to teach correct princi-ples and do all we can with love andpersuasion and so on. All of these arepriesthood principles for the exerciseof family as well as Church authority.But in the last analysis, I say to my fel-low adult parents and grandparents,keep praying, keep trying, but setdown that large burden of guiltbecause people given the power ofchoice are going to make wrongchoices. Sometimes the only waysome people can learn is to make awrong choice and see the conse-quence of it. Then we rely on theincredible power of the Atonementof our Lord and Savior JesusChrist. And there are hardly any

sins we can commit in mortality thatcan’t, on proper principles, be for-given through the power of theAtonement of our Lord.

Creating a Nurturing Climate

Sister Lant Have we said enough about really

loving one another? We’ve used a lotof words about how we should teachour children and the things that weneed to do in our homes, but I thinkwe simply have to love one another.I’ve heard the statement that there’snothing greater a father can do for hischildren than to love their mother.And it’s the same for each member ofthe family—to really look for ways toshow and say and express that love.

Elder Holland The Church is trying to get people

back into the home, includingFather. There’s an invitation toFather and Mother to both bein the home as much as pos-sible.

My wife’s fatherpassed away not longago, and she hasgrieved the way

a daughter grieves over the loss of afather. I was comforting her, and shesaid, “But he loved me so much. Hesang to me. He put me to bed. Hetucked me in.” She said, “I can hardlyremember a night that he did nottuck me in bed and sing to me.” I’mmaking a point about dads, fathers,being in the home. And I pay tributeto my boys, who do better than I everdid about changing diapers and tak-ing the children out during church.

Sister Lant I think there’s a great influence in

the world that is trying to pull us not

22 FEBRUARY 2008

only out of the home, but away fromthose things that really matter. As Ilook at what gets us off track in fami-lies, sometimes it’s having too much,and sometimes it’s having too little.But it all has to do with material things.I think we really need to take a carefullook at our lives and priorities—Are we too busy? Are we trying to do toomuch?—and look at the things thatreally are going to make a difference inthe lives of our children and make surethat it’s the spiritual things that we’renot excluding.

Sister Beck I don’t think it takes a lot of extra

activity or time to follow the Lord’splan. It can be done in simple ways. Ithink one of the most important con-cepts for parents to grasp about ahome is to create a climate. Often wesay it’s tasks or we measure things byachievements or things or lists. Butwe can think of a climate wheresomething can grow. The word nur-ture means to help something grow.Something can’t grow where it’s toodry or too cold or the ground is toohard. The job of parents in rearingchildren is to keep that climate wherethings can grow with the Spirit, wherethere’s faith and hope and charity.

I saw a wonderful mother inMexico. She had a little courtyard outside her front door, and she hadpainted a garden on the wall. She didn’t have any ground to grow a gar-den in. She had a wall, so she painteda garden, with flowers and trees and afountain. She wanted to create a climate

for growth for her family. What abeautiful thought she had to make aplace to give her family that vision.

Elder Oaks My mother used to love quoting

the words of Pearl Buck, who said, “Ilove my children with all my heart,but I can’t love them with all mytime.”6 And so she was very careful inthe limited time that she had availableafter being the breadwinner for thefamily. She was very careful with whatwe did in the scarce time that wewere privileged to be together. Sheliked us to work on projects together.I look back on that with greater affec-tion than I experienced at the time. It seemed like Mother was alwaysorganizing us to do some project toclear out the garage. But I look backon it, and I realize that she was pursu-ing a very important parenting func-tion in getting the children to worktogether and with their parents.

It’s harder and harder to do that insome urban societies that many livein. People in underdeveloped parts ofthe world where husband and wifeand children work together in the ricefields don’t have that same kind ofproblem. But the principle worksthroughout, and it’s very, very impor-tant for us.

Principles of Homemaking

Sister Lant You speak of principles. I think

that’s what we really have to turn toin all of this discussion because fami-lies and family situations are different

all over the world. But the principlesof work and of love and of unselfish-ness and of forgiveness and of service,those basic principles of the gospelare where we have to go to know howto rear our children, to know how tobuild our relationships.

Elder Oaks I think the family proclamation

gives us some principles that we needto refer to:

“By divine design, fathers are topreside over their families in love andrighteousness and are responsible toprovide the necessities of life and pro-tection for their families. Mothers areprimarily responsible for the nurtureof their children.” It doesn’t say exclu-sively. “In these sacred responsibili-ties, fathers and mothers areobligated to help one another asequal partners.”

There may be a circumstancewhere the mother needs to be thebreadwinner. I was raised in such ahome. The health of the father mayprevent him from performing a func-tion that is identified as his responsi-bility. But under the principle of equalpartners solving the problems, thesecan be worked out individually withthe inspiration of heaven.

Sister Tanner To make a home, to be a home-

maker, requires the knowledge ofcertain principles and the practiceof certain skills. The lack of home-making skills—and I don’t just meanbaking bread—has created an emo-tional homelessness that causes

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some of the very same byproductsas street homelessness. People whodo not have a place to go that hasthe Spirit, that has emotional stabil-ity, and where values and principlesare taught, have a lot of the sameproblems that street homeless peo-ple have, like despair, drug abuse,and immorality. We have an oppor-tunity, mothers and fathers workingtogether, to be homemakers, to cre-ate an environment that will make ahome. Home is not just a place; it isa feeling, and it is a spirit.

Elder Oaks I’m glad you speak of homemaking

because homemaking is a word of dis-paragement in the eyes of some, and it should not be. But we may need todefine it. Homemaking is not just bak-ing bread or cleaning a house. Home-making is to make the environmentnecessary to nurture our childrentoward eternal life, which is our re-sponsibility as parents. And that home-making is as much for fathers as it isfor mothers.

Sister Lant And that home, then, needs to be

the safe place, the place where all themembers of the family can come andknow that they’re loved and that theyare safe from the things of the worldand that they’re OK.

Elder Oaks On the subject of delegation, there

are probably a lot of housekeepingtasks that can be delegated, but therearen’t any homemaking tasks that can be delegated. We don’t delegate

conducting a family home evening.We’re not going to delegate familyprayer. We’re not going to delegatethe love of a mother and a father forthe children or that individual timethat’s so essential for growth. Let’smake a distinction between housekeeping and homemaking.

Sister Lant We can’t delegate those responsi-

bilities, but we can share them.

Elder Oaks Yes, we can.

Elder Holland What struck me when Elder Oaks

said, “You can’t delegate” is you can’tdelegate it into the community, youcan’t delegate it to the chamber ofcommerce—

Elder Oaks Even to the Church.

Elder Holland Or to the Church. That’s my point.

Let’s talk about that. Let’s lead intothe idea of how the Church is to helpthe family and bless the family. Thereare some things that simply cannotand should not, probably, be done bythe Church—or anyone else—when itreally is a family matter.

Scheduling Activities

Elder HollandWhat counsel do we have collec-

tively for Church leaders to help themstrike the balance helping familiesand scheduling and calendaring? Timeis an issue out there in the wards andstakes of the Church.

Elder Oaks, how do we look atcalendaring?

Elder Oaks Let me speak to bishops and stake

presidents, who preside over wardcouncils and stake councils. Let’s haveparental time considered as we makeup schedules, not just fitting everyconceivable meeting and activity intothe Church calendar without regardto what that does to families.

Elder Holland We want to bless individuals, but

we’ve also got to protect the family asa unit.

Sister Beck Years ago there was a little rule I

made for myself that I think is prettyapplicable to everyone. A good reasonto have a ward activity or a stake activ-ity is because we need it and it willstrengthen our families and individu-als. A bad reason to have an activity isbecause it’s a tradition or there’s acertain holiday we have to celebrate.When we talk about gospel patterns,we know the needs. Let’s plan theactivities around those needs, and ifsomething was a wonderful activitylast year, it doesn’t mean we need tobuild it into a tradition.

Elder Oaks And we can say that it’s best when

Church schedules are considerate offamily circumstances, so that the totalburden on families on weeknightsand weekends is not excessive anddoesn’t just sweep away the possibletimes for a family to be together.

24 FEBRUARY 2008

We need to add to that the cautionthat if we make more family timeavailable, parents have to take moreresponsibility in making sure that itdoesn’t just increase sports, televisionviewing, individual athletic activities,or participation in many, very goodcommunity activities for children. Weare not trying to hobble the Churchin competing with other activities. We are trying to discipline the use of Church meetings and Church activ-ities in favor of the family. And thefamily has got to fill that vacuuminstead of inviting others in to fill it.

Sister Lant You know, that puts responsibility

back on the family, doesn’t it?

Elder Oaks It does.

Ward and Family Councils

Sister Beck When a ward council meets or a

presidency meets, oftentimes they

discuss, “How can we get people tosupport us in our organization?” or“We had a lot of people there; we hada lot of support.” That’s really a back-ward thought. When a ward councilmeets or a presidency meets, if theywould begin by saying, “How can wesupport the family?” then what we dois an outgrowth of things that willsupport the family and not the otherway around; I think we could all turnthat lens backward.

Elder Oaks And that’s a great subject for ward

councils, where a group like we havewith us here today gets together andeach has his or her own perspective.The bishop is the decision maker, buthe hears from all of the groups andhe can try to set the level of activityand adjust the schedules to deal withthe principles we’ve talked about.

Elder Holland I’d like to think it might be valu-

able right in the middle of this

discussion to pause and say to theChurch audience that, although wedidn’t necessarily set out to do it, weare modeling here what we would liketo happen among men and women inthe Church.

Elder Oaks In every culture.

Elder Holland In every culture. This is the way that

ward councils ought to talk. I’d like tothink that this is the way husbands andwives would talk. We’re respectful;we’re interested; people have ideas;we’re sharing. And in some of the cul-tures—this is a worldwide broadcast—this will run counter to tradition andhistory and the style of some people.But gospel culture always has to pre-vail. And if it hasn’t been the local habitor the local tradition to listen to the sis-ters or to have the marvelous respectthese sisters have shown to priest-hood—all of this, we hope, will conveyto the Church the need to hear eachother, love each other, talk together,get the best ideas, pray for guidance,and have better families and a betterChurch as a result. That shouldn’t bethe least of the issues conveyed in ourbroadcast here tonight.

Matching Needs and Resources

Elder Oaks Elder L. Tom Perry gave us a mar-

velous principle in the worldwide lead-ership training meeting of January2003. I want to read a few of the wordsthat he gave, just by way of reempha-sizing them. They’re more important

FEBRUARY 2008 25

When a ward council or a presidency meets, they should consider, “How can wesupport the family?”

today than they were five years agowhen he first stated them. He said:

“The secret in building a branch ora district, a ward or a stake is to knowyour members, their abilities, andtheir needs, and build your programbased on the leadership available andthe needs of your members. . . .

“In all you do, be aware that biggeris not necessarily better. Grow only asfast as the size and maturity of yourunit permit. Preserve the strength ofyour members.”7

It’s a liberating principle.

Sister Lant It is. And I think how that comes

down, then, to an auxiliary leader, aPrimary leader in a ward. Ofttimesyou call that Primary leader, and shelooks at the Primary program, and she thinks, “OK, how am I going todo all of these things?” And she worksat doing those things, and then shelooks for what else she can do.

We’ve got to put the family focuson all of the work that we’re called todo, because we don’t have to domore. Sometimes we can take thatprogram, look at the needs of ourmembers, and do less.

Elder Holland It reminded me that Elder Scott said

sometimes to magnify your calling is to do less, not more.8 You’ve broughtmore focus to it, you’ve exercised bet-ter judgment. You’ve increased thequality, but the sheer mass may besmaller, not greater. That’s an equallyliberating thought, I think—not toshirk, not to be a slacker, but to really,

seriously look at the big picture,including the big picture of the family,and maybe sometimes do less.

Sister Lant And so many times these auxiliary

leaders are so capable, they can do somuch, that we get carried away. Wehave to watch ourselves not to dothat, to focus on the people not theprogram.

Wisdom and Good Judgment

Sister Tanner I appreciate priesthood leaders

who look at family situations beforethey make calls. I know calls areinspired, but they also require wis-dom and judgment on the part ofpriesthood leaders.

Elder Oaks Units that have a limited number

of active members are short on work-ers, and they should be very carefulnot to just fill up the callings by usingthe same 10 people in the ward andgiving them all four or five differentcallings. That’s not the way to have astrong family. It’s not the way to havea strong ward. An inspired priesthoodleader ought to start off with theproposition that busy parents oughtnot to have multiple callings.

The program may have to be paredback somewhat to meet the require-ments of the principle Elder Perryoutlined in that worldwide leadershiptraining broadcast of January 2003.

Elder Holland And we’ll all acknowledge—every-

one at this table can acknowledge—

that sacrifice is still a principle in thegospel of Jesus Christ. We sacrifice foreach other across family ties. You takethat very far, and you’re out to thebranch and the ward and the stake.We’ve all been called to do things thatstretched us and pushed us, and wehad to make some judgments about“What do we do to protect our family?”and “What do we do to protect theChurch?” “How do we make sure thatthe Church flourishes as well as thefamily?”

We’ve got to have the wisdom andthe judgment to be able to kind of“do it all.” It’s just that we can’t do itall at once, and we sometimes don’tneed to do all the things we’ve done.But the essential things we will beblessed to do.

Sister BeckI remember the wonderful teach-

ing of Elder Ballard when he taughtus to be wise. “O be wise,” he said,“in choosing these things.” 9 Theteaching of sacrifice is important.Some of the beginning stirrings of mytestimony, if I go back to when I firststarted to say, “This is a wonderfulchurch,” were watching my parentsserve and struggle in their callingsand learn. That taught me somethings. And I’ve been stretched anddrawn to the Lord through my ownservice. I would never want to saythat it’s either family or service. It hasto be a marriage and a unity of whatwe commit to the Lord to help buildHis kingdom and what we’ve com-mitted to build a family. They gotogether. It’s not one or the other.

26 FEBRUARY 2008

The Joy of the Sabbath

Elder Holland Could I make a plea to our group

and to the larger Church that we doeverything possible to reclaim the joyof the Sabbath. I don’t know that wecould do more to enhance family unityin the Church than to enjoy Sundayfully. And we do enjoy it. I enjoy it. Asbusy as I am, I live for Sunday. But theearly scriptural declarations, I’m think-ing particularly clear back into the OldTestament, up to and including ourown Doctrine and Covenants pro-nouncements, have been about the joy of the Sabbath, the joy of worship,and the delight of the Sabbath. Surelywe can do better at having a Sabbathtogether. We’re going to have tolighten up, in some cases, on thesemultiple assignments in order that anequally important aspect of gospel liv-ing can happen in the home.

Sister Beck Well, you’re speaking too about

the Sabbath day and how to enhancethat experience. I think oftentimesthe busyness and the tasks we throwinto the Sabbath to take care ofChurch work take us away from thereal reason why we go to church. Wego to renew covenants. If familieswould prepare for that and focus onthat in their Sabbath experiences,start with that, we, I think, would go along way in blessing our families. Wego to partake of the sacrament, andthe rest is an add-on to that. That’snot a secondary experience; it’s theprimary reason we go.

Sometimes I think in our busy-ness our children lose that messagebecause of our rush. And that shouldbe the first thing we teach them.

“Come and Dine”

Elder Holland In the true spirit of homemaking,

in the best and highest sense of thatword, I hope we can again sit downat a common dinner table as a family.I think almost any sociologist wouldsay, and they do say, that perhapsnothing is as unifying in the courseof a family’s week as to eat togetherat an agreed-upon mealtime.

Sister Beck A scriptural example that is one of

my favorites is in the last chapter of

the Gospel of John, where the Saviorat the Sea of Galilee gathered His dis-ciples. He had a fire there and coalsand fish, and He said, “Come anddine.” Now, that describes quite a bitof preparation. A meal had been pre-pared—a family meal, you couldsay—and He invited them to comeand dine, not just run in and eat, butcome and dine. And then the scrip-ture says, “When they had dined,” Hethen began to teach them that won-derful teaching about feeding Hissheep (see John 21:9–15). There issomething about eating together andmellowing out and having that feelingthere. What would His teaching havelooked like if He hadn’t prepared theplace to teach it?

FEBRUARY 2008 27

Perhaps nothing is as unifying in the course of a family’s week as to eat together.

He created the setting for that mar-velous teaching, and it was a meal-time. I think that wasn’t accidental.

Clinging to the Doctrine

Elder Oaks In all that we have discussed, I think

it is fundamental for us to avoid takingthe world’s models as our guides forparenting and marriage and all ofthose things that have eternal impor-tance. I’m mindful of the counsel theApostle Paul gave to the Corinthians.This is recorded in 2 Corinthians,chapter 6. He was speaking to thosewho had the gospel, and he said,“[Don’t be] unequally yoked togetherwith unbelievers; for what fellowshiphath righteousness with unrighteous-ness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). He’s tellingus that we cannot afford to stand sideby side, yoked with the world, whenwe are trying to make these funda-mental eternal decisions.

Elder Holland And it seems to me that if we will

cling to the doctrine of the Church—again I keep coming back to the ideaaround which we started this conver-sation, the idea of a plan and counselthat our Father in Heaven gave usbefore we ever came here—if we can cling to the doctrine, we will getthrough, we will have answers to ourprayers, and we will stay founded ontrue principles.

I’ve often thought, and I’ve said tomy own children, that those parentswho kept going past Chimney Rockand past Martin’s Cove (and a few

didn’t get farther than that) wherethose little graves are dotted all acrossthe historic landscape of this Church—they didn’t do that for a program, theydidn’t do it for a social activity, they didit because the faith of the gospel ofJesus Christ was in their soul, it was inthe marrow of their bones. That’s theonly way those mothers could burythat baby in a breadbox and move on,saying, “The promised land is outthere somewhere. We’re going tomake it to the valley.”

They could say that because ofcovenants and doctrine and faith andrevelation and spirit. If we can keepthat in our families and in the Church,maybe a lot of other things start totake care of themselves. Maybe a lotof other less-needed things sort of fall out of the wagon. I’m told thosehandcarts could only hold so much.Just as our ancestors had to choosewhat they took, maybe the 21st cen-tury will drive us to decide, “What canwe put on this handcart?” It’s the sub-stance of our soul; it’s the stuff rightdown in the marrow of our bones.We’ll have blessed family and Churchif we can cling to the revelations.

Elder Oaks Elder Holland, I think that is a

good note to end on.

Elder Holland Elder Oaks, Sister Beck, Sister Lant,

Sister Tanner, on behalf of this entireChurch, thank you. Thank you foryour time, your love, your service,your own sacrifice, and the convic-tions you have in your soul about

family life and family love in the gospelof Jesus Christ. Thank you. And broth-ers and sisters, thanks to all of you.

NOTES1. “The Family: A Proclamation to the

World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102.2. Gordon B. Hinckley, in Conference

Report, Apr. 2003, 64; or Ensign, May2003, 59; and Conference Report, Oct.1997, 94; or Ensign, Nov. 1997, 69.

3. See “Thurber,” Life, Mar. 14, 1960, 108.4. John Milton, Paradise Lost, book 8, lines

601–2.5. M. Russell Ballard, “Great Shall Be the

Peace of Thy Children,” Ensign, Apr.1994, 60.

6. See Pearl S. Buck, “At Home in theWorld,” Marriage and Family Living,Feb. 1942, 2.

7. L. Tom Perry, “Basic Unit Program,” FirstWorldwide Leadership Training Meeting,Jan. 2003, 9.

8. See Richard G. Scott, “The DoctrinalFoundation of the Auxiliaries,”Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting,Jan. 2004, 7–8.

9. See M. Russell Ballard, in ConferenceReport, Oct. 2006, 16–19; or Ensign,Nov. 2006, 17–20.

28 FEBRUARY 2008

FEBRUARY 2008 29

Bringing Heaven into Our Homes

My brothers and sisters, it is in aspirit of humility that I conclude thisinspiring meeting. Our thoughts havecentered on home and family as wehave been reminded that “the homeis the basis of a righteous life, and noother instrumentality can take itsplace nor fulfill its essential func-tions.”1

As we know, families come in avariety of appearances. Some includefather, mother, brothers, and sisters,

while others could be made up of asingle parent and children. Still othersmight consist of but one person.

Whatever the makeup of our par-ticular family, if we follow the guide-lines which have been set before us in this meeting, we will draw closer tothe Lord and bring more of heaveninto our homes.

When Jesus walked the dustypathways of towns and villages thatwe now reverently call the Holy Landand taught His disciples by beautifulGalilee, He often spoke in parables, in language the people understoodbest. Frequently He referred to homebuilding in relationship to the lives of those who listened.

He declared, “Every . . . housedivided against itself shall not stand”(Matthew 12:25). Later He cautioned,“Behold, mine house is a house oforder . . . and not a house of confu-sion” (D&C 132:8).

More and more the world is filledwith chaos and confusion. Messagessurround us which contradict all that

we hold dear—enticing us to turnfrom that which is “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy”(Articles of Faith 1:13) and embracethe thinking which often prevailsoutside the gospel of Jesus Christ.However, when our families areunited in purpose, and an atmosphereof peace and love prevails, home be-comes a sanctuary from the world.

When we are tired or ill or discour-aged, how sweet the comfort of beingable to turn homeward. We are blessedto belong and to have a place in thefamily circle.

At times we may become bored or irritated with home and family andfamiliar surroundings. Such may seemless than glamorous, with a sense of sameness, and other places maysometimes seem more exciting. Butwhen we have sampled much andhave wandered far and have seen howfleeting and sometimes superficial alot of the world is, our gratitude growsfor the privilege of being part of some-thing we can count on—home andfamily and the loyalty of loved ones.We come to know what it means to bebound together by duty, by respect, bybelonging. We learn that nothing canfully take the place of the blessed rela-tionship of family life.

All of us remember the home ofour childhood. For most of us, ourthoughts do not dwell on whetherthe house was large or small, theneighborhood fashionable or down-trodden. Rather, we delight in theexperiences we shared as a family.

A Sanctuary fromthe WorldP R E S I D E N T T H O M A S S . M O N S O NPresident of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

30 FEBRUARY 2008

Margaret Thatcher, when she wasprime minister of Great Britain, ex-pressed this profound philosophy:“The family is the building block ofsociety. It is a nursery, a school, a hos-pital, a leisure centre, a place of refugeand a place of rest. It encompasses thewhole of the society. It fashions ourbeliefs; it is the preparation for therest of our life.”2

May I offer three guidelines to helpensure that our homes will be havensof happiness.

A Pattern of Prayer

First, let us establish a pattern ofprayer.

As a people, aren’t we grateful thatfamily prayer is not an out-of-datepractice with us? There is not a morebeautiful sight in all this world than to

see a family praying together. TheLord directed that we have familyprayer when He said, “Pray in yourfamilies unto the Father, always in my name, that your wives and yourchildren may be blessed” (3 Nephi18:21).

As we pray with our families eachday, we will help to provide the pro-tection we all so desperately need intoday’s world.

A Library of Learning

Second, may our homes be alibrary of learning.

An essential part of our learninglibrary will be good books. Reading isone of the true pleasures of life. Inour age of mass culture, when somuch that we encounter is abridged,adapted, adulterated, shredded, and

boiled down, it is mind-easing andmind-inspiring to sit down privatelywith a congenial book.

James A. Michener, prominentauthor, suggests: “A nation becomeswhat its young people read in theiryouth. Its ideals are fashioned then,its goals strongly determined.”

The Lord counseled, “Seek ye outof the best books words of wisdom;seek learning, even by study and alsoby faith” (D&C 88:118).

Of course, the standard worksoffer the ultimate library of learningof which I speak. Let us read fromthem often, both privately and withour families, that we may be enlight-ened and edified and draw closer tothe Lord.

A Legacy of Love

Third, may we enjoy a legacy oflove.

Seemingly little lessons of love areobserved by children as they silentlyabsorb the examples of their parents.Let us make certain that our examplesare worthy of emulation. When ourhomes carry the legacy of love, wewill not receive Jacob’s chastisementas recorded in the Book of Mormon:“Ye have broken the hearts of yourtender wives, and lost the confidenceof your children, because of your badexamples before them; and the sob-bings of their hearts ascend up toGod against you” (Jacob 2:35).

Rather, may our families andhomes be filled with love: love ofeach other, love of the gospel, love

As we pray with our families each day, we will help to provide the protection weall so desperately need in today’s world.

of our fellowman, and love of ourSavior. As a result, heaven will be a little closer here on earth.

May we make of our homes sanctu-aries to which our family memberswill ever want to return.

A Yearning for Home

Some of you may remember thestory of a very young boy who wasabducted from his parents and homeand taken to a village situated faraway. Under those conditions thesmall boy grew to young manhoodwithout really being able to remem-ber his parents or home. As he grew,there came into his heart a yearningto return to parents and home.

But where was home to be found?Where were his mother and father tobe discovered? Oh, if only he couldremember even their names, his taskwould be less hopeless. Desperatelyhe sought to recall even a glimpse ofhis childhood.

One day, like a flash of inspiration,he remembered the sound of a bellwhich, from the tower atop the villagechurch, pealed its welcome eachSabbath morning. From village to vil-lage the young man wandered, everlistening for that familiar bell tochime. Some bells were similar, oth-ers far different from the sound heremembered.

At length the weary young manstood one Sunday morning before achurch of a typical town. He listenedcarefully as the bell began to peal.The sound was familiar, unlike any

other he had heard, save that bellwhich pealed in the memory of hisearly childhood days. Yes, it was thesame bell. It’s ring was true. His eyesfilled with tears, and his heart rejoicedin gladness. His soul overflowed withgratitude. The young man dropped tohis knees, looked upward beyond thebell tower—even toward heaven—and in a prayer of gratitude whis-pered, “Thanks be to God. I’mhome.”

I love the words found in thehymn:

O home belov’d, where’er I wander,

On foreign land or distant sea,

As time rolls by, my heart growsfonder

And yearns more lovingly for thee!

Tho fair be nature’s scenes aroundme,

And friends are ever kind and true,

Tho joyous mirth and song sur-round me,

My heart, my soul still yearn foryou.3

May we ever strive to make of ourhomes havens of love and peace andhappiness, where the Spirit of theLord would choose to dwell. This ismy prayer for all of us, in the name ofJesus Christ, amen.

NOTES1. David O. McKay, in Family Home

Evening Manual (1965), iii.2. In Nicholas Wood, “Thatcher Champions

the Family,” The Times, May 26, 1988, 24.3. “O Home Beloved,” Hymns, no. 337.

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