Module 4: Lesson 2

Tools to Explain and Locate the Four Toxic Seeds

Worksheet

FST Digital Advanced Training Course12 FST Techniques to Become a Family Trauma Expert

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Lesson 2Tools to Explain and Locate

the Four Toxic SeedsWorksheet #2 will outline Step 2 of the three mini-steps to apply the FST Seed/Tree Diagram Technique:

Step 1: Explain the Apple Tree Metaphor

Step 2: Explain Toxic Seed Definitions

Step 3: Explain Undercurrents

This worksheet is designed to help you:

• Learn the important transition sentences

• Deliver the Four Toxic Seeds Handout

• Learn important process delivery tools for this handout

Four Action StepsThere are 4 Action Steps to introduce the Toxic Seeds Handout and the important process delivery steps. The delivery steps will keep your family engaged and inspired.

#1 – �Transition�Sentence�to�Introduce�the�Four�Toxic�SeedsTransition SentenceAfter drawing the tree and labeling the apples with the child’s problems, the next step is to label what each of the four toxic seeds are called (misuse of power, unhealed wounds, mental or physical impairment, and unmet primal needs).

You will label each seed in the apple tree, as illustrated in Figure 1.

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After labeling each seed, the following transition statement is used:

The stressors labeled on your apples are caused by what we call toxic seeds beneath the soil that are unseen by the naked eye. [point to the seeds on the apple tree on your flip chart].

These toxic seeds produce the toxins that cause your child’s problems that we labeled as “the apples” of your tree [point to the apples]

The roots going from the seeds up into the tree [point to roots in your apple tree] carry the toxins, like the veins in your arm, carry the blood [roll up your sleeves and point to the veins in your arm]. These are called “undercurrents.”

*I may explain some of these undercurrents in this session, but we will talk about them more in-depth during our next session.

* Please Note: In the transition script of your Resource Book (see pg. 133), I do not mention “I may explain some of these undercurrents in this session.”

Instead, I state in the book that undercurrents will not be explained at all under any circumstances:

These are called ‘undercurrents,’ and we will talk about these at our next session.

In Lesson #3, I explain the reason why I went from an absolute “no” to a “yes” and under what circumstances. The circumstances or rules of thumb are listed in Worksheet #3 for Lesson #3.

Figure 1: Labeling the 4 Toxic Seeds

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As you explain each seed, It is NOW optional to also show the undercurrents, or you can define the seed without the undercurrent(s).

Your decision will depend on the rules of thumb listed in Worksheet #3 and illustrated in your video Lesson #3.

I recommend that you use the transition sentence in this worksheet, instead of the one listed in your book.

Right now, your job is to be detectives to discover which of these four seeds is causing your child’s problems or the apples on your tree to not heal on their own.

It might be one seed or all four. After I explain the definition of each seed using this handout** (hold up the handout), each of you will be asked to select your top two toxic seeds.

You will be asked to pick your seeds privately. At the end of today’s meeting, I will go around the room and ask each of you to reveal which seeds you picked and why.

The reason this is so important is that if we find the right seeds, we can help solve ________ [list child’s name] problem much more quickly because we are zeroing in on the root causes and not just the weeds.

Any questions?

** Please Note: In Table 1 (see Table 1) of this worksheet, I provide the handout for the Four Toxic Seeds definitions without the undercurrents. For Worksheet #3 in Lesson #3, I provide the same handout but with the undercurrents (see Table 1 in Worksheet #3 in your downloads).

Why? This is done so that you have the option of either one based on your family and the rules of thumb I list in Worksheet #3 and illustrate in your Lesson #3 video.

Watch for Body LanguageFinally, as with the apple metaphor earlier, watch the body language to make sure family members understand the toxic seed picture and explanation. To confirm, periodically ask one family member to put into their own words what they heard you say.

For additional information, please see Chapter 5 – pgs. 132-135. These four pages provide further examples of how to introduce Toxic Seeds and a case study.

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Use of SelfFor some of you, the script may be too long, or it does not fit your style. As a reminder, feel free to make the words your own or cut it down as long as all the main points are made. This is called “use of self.”

In addition, just like an actor who receives a new script. Actors use the script like training wheels first to memorize it. Then they make it their own with ad-libs. You can mirror the same process.

#3 – �Pass�Out�the�Four�Toxic�Seeds�HandoutTable 1 is the Four Toxic Seeds Handout that you will pass out to each family member. Each family member should receive their own copy unless they are too young or cannot read.

After you pass out the handout, you will read each definition. Use some of the key process steps outlined in Action Step #4 (i.e., parallel storytelling, scaling, movie clips) to inspire your family members and keep them engaged.

Children less than 10-years-old will typically not be able to follow the written handout. But they will be engaged if you have high energy, enthusiasm, and use great delivery.

If some of your family members can read, and others cannot ask people to sit together. Sit those that can read with those that cannot.

Reading is not a requirement for this handout to take life and to work. It will be up to you to give the handout meaning through your passion, examples, and delivery. For example, when I had clients who could not read or looked bored, I picked up my energy and enthusiasm. I also used parallel storytelling (see Action Step #4) to inspire and engage.

Here is a concrete example of the “before” and “after”:

Before: Read the Handout Definition with Poor Delivery“The mental or physical impairment seed can happen when a family is going along fine, and suddenly the family has to stop their normal routine and lifestyle from helping this person. Like an unexpected death or someone gets a brain injury. The stress goes through the roof, and if not healed, it results in trauma.”

BORING! And if the adult or child could not read the handout, they will be LOST!

After: Read the Handout with Parallel Storytelling and ExcitementI picked up the energy and used parallel storytelling, a visual story that parallels their own.

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So, I once worked with a family who had this seed. This family was going along fine. And BAM [loud voice] it hit. The mom was driving along one day, and this semi-truck hit her. She goes right through the windshield. Blood everywhere. She was rushed to the hospital and couldn’t move her legs. Her spine was crushed. And she was gasping in pain and couldn’t stop crying. The doctor told her that she would be in a wheelchair for life. Her 8-year-old boy, Max, just shut down and freaked out. His mom comes home in a wheelchair, and his whole life changed. Instead of playing in the park and getting picked up from school, he is now going to the hospital every day when his mom goes to physical therapy. His whole life changed based on mom’s physical impairment seed. As a result, Max was so traumatized that he is hitting the wall being disrespectful and getting depressed.

So ask yourself this question:

Are any of the problems or stressors that you listed on your chart caused by a chemical imbalance or physical impairment seed? If the answer is “yes,” check the box. I will ask you later how you voted.

Are you starting to see the difference? My story example was told with dramatic pauses, energy, and passion. The family did not have a mom in a car accident, but rather a father who was in a bike accident that changed the 12-year-old son’s life.

However, my story had enough parallels to theirs that they were on the edge of their seat. It made the mental and physical impairment seed definition jump off the page. It didn’t matter if the family could read or not or that they were too young to follow along.

Instead, it was about a story combined with inspirational delivery.

Read and apply Action Step #4 for a great delivery. Use these suggestions for each and every technique in this course to make them better!

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Table 1: Toxic Seed Handout (without undercurrents)

☐ Misuse of Power

Misuse of Power occurs when:

• Children are “drunk with power” when they control the mood of the household through behaviors such as disrespect, violence, or running away to bully or scare their parents into handing over their authority to the child.

• In wolf packs, they would be the alpha male or female or the pack leader on top while you, the parent, would be down underneath them. And it is the parents that should be the pack leaders

• Finally, adults misuse power by becoming emotionally or physically abusive to another person in an effort to control them.

So, ask yourself this question? Are any of the problems or stressors that you listed on your chart caused by misuse or drunk with power issues? If the answer is “yes,” check the box.

☐ Unhealed Wounds

Unhealed Wounds typically happen in one of two ways:

• #1- Event-Based Trauma: Unhealed wounds occur when you or someone else in your family experiences a traumatic or painful life event that simply does not heal over time or on its own. Common examples include a bitter divorce, being emotionally or physically abandoned, etc.

• #2- Interactional Trauma: Unhealed wounds also occur over time when there is a lot of tension, disrespect, or arguing between parents and kids. Over time this sucks out feelings of closeness or nurturance in the home and is replaced by bitterness or unforgiveness.

So, ask yourself this question? Are any of the problems or stressors that you listed on the apples of your tree caused by unhealed wounds? If the answer is “yes,” check the box.

☐ Mental or Physical Impairment

Mental Impairment or a chemical imbalance in the brain can happen when:

• Chemical Imbalance or Mental Impairment: This occurs when there is evidence that the symptoms (depression, ADHD, violence, hyperactivity, substance abuse, etc.) are mainly caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be helped by medications (Prozac, Ritalin, Zoloft, Paxil, Celexa, etc. However, according to the research, for a child or teen to have a chemical imbalance, they cannot turn on or off the problem at will.

• Physical Impairment: This happens when a family is going along fine and all of a sudden someone gets a brain injury in a car accident, a sudden death, cancer, Alzheimer’s, Down Syndrome, etc. and the family has to stop their normal routine and lifestyle to help this person. The stress goes through the roof.

So, ask yourself this question? Are any of the problems or stressors that you listed on your chart caused by a chemical imbalance or physical impairment? If the answer is “yes,” check the box.

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#4 – �Process�Steps�to�Enhanced�DeliveryHigh Energy, Excitement, and EnthusiasmDuring FST Certification, our FST Consultants will sometimes ask the student to send in a video example of delivering the Toxic Seed Handout. Before sending the video, the student may state that this handout “fell flat,” or it “didn’t work.” Or that the family members did not “understand the seeds.”

In almost every case, when we watch the video, we see the same identical problem.

The FST therapist in the video delivered the Toxic Seed Handout without energy, passion, or enthusiasm. Even when a family member’s body language clearly indicated boredom or misunderstanding, the FST therapist ignored it or didn’t respond.

The content of the definition was fine, but the delivery was horrible. And what was amazing to watch was the turnaround. Once the same FST Therapist made delivery adjustments and sent another video (with a future family), the results were incredible. Suddenly, the Toxic Seed Handout worked! The family was inspired and responded because the FST Therapist modeled that inspiration, energy, and excitement.

Bottom line, it’s not what you say but how you say it with enthusiasm and excitement.

☐ Unmet Primal or Spiritual Needs

Unmet Primal Needs can occur in one of two ways:

• #1- Our basic needs are not met – Food, clothing, shelter, feeling safe in our home or neighborhood, etc. If these needs are not met, then stress skyrockets.

• #2- Every human being needs an emotional attachment, love, hugs. For example, foster children often have problems with emotional attachments and often react with symptoms or stressors of out of control behavior, depression, or cutting on their arms.

Unmet Spiritual Needs can occur when:

• You have probably heard the saying of a balance of mind, body, and spirit, or soul. For many, a lack of prayer or a lack of connection to God or a higher power leads people to a feeling of disconnection, a lack of deep peace, or great difficulty in letting go of past resentments. Other common symptoms include being a workaholic, inability to sleep, or medicating the pain with prescription drugs or alcohol.

So, ask yourself this question? Are any of the problems or stressors that you listed on your chart caused by unmet primal or spiritual needs? If the answer is “yes,” check the box.

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Movie Clips that Mirror the Particular SeedThe famous strategic therapist, Chloe Madanes, once wrote, “Our clients want therapy to be entertaining.” I agree with this observation.

Traditional talk therapy can be boring, especially for kids. And our families are growing up in a movie and media culture. As a result, on a thumbnail drive, I keep a copy of my favorite movie clips that illustrate each one of the Four Toxic.

Based on the family, it will either be preplanned or spontaneous or in the moment, if I want to show dramatic impact with a reading of the seed definition and then a showing of a movie clip as an example.

To help you in your quest to search for movie clips, I suggest the book: The Motion Picture Prescription: Watch This Movie and Call Me in the Morning: 200 Movies to Help You Heal Life’s Problems. It will help you narrow down your search.

In the meantime, go to Chapter 8, pp. 221-222 of your Resource Book. There you will see the movie clip from Ordinary People and what scene can be delivered by you to show the unhealed wound seed. The scene has a dual use. It can be used in an FST Trauma Playbook later in FST treatment to heal the unhealthy undercurrent of “family secrets” and/or in this context to illustrate the definition of a “traumatic event” within the Unhealed Wound seed.

For another concrete example, go to Chapter 5, p. 134. It shows a case example from Kevin Costner’s movie The War with 12-year-old Jason, who has symptoms of bulimia and depression.

If you have any further questions on how to use Movie Clips, please attend your next Facebook Group and ask me to illustrate additional examples.

But Remember this Important Point. It is often less threatening for your families to project problems onto a movie character or scene. They can then draw parallels to their own situation that parallels the scene. Kids especially find this helpful and enjoyable. The movie clip safely opens them up to discussions around the seed that they would not otherwise feel open to do.

ScalingTo see this delivery strategy in action, simply re-watch your video lesson and how I used scaling with Charles and his family (7:38–8:08). You will see how I used it to clarify the concept of “interactional trauma” within the unhealed wound seed. You can replicate the same exact scaling with your families. Please try it; you will like it.

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Parallel Stories Inspire and EngageAs illustrated in the physical impairment seed example and outlined in your Module #3, Lesson #3 Worksheet, parallel stories inspire. When you talk about another family or situation in your life (using self-disclosure) that parallels theirs, its safety allows them to engage. As they listen to your story, they have a choice to say to themselves something like, “That story is a lot like ours, I can relate.” Or “That story doesn’t relate, but it’s a great story.” It’s their choice. But no matter what, the story brings life to the seed definition and makes it relatable. And relatable stories engage.

You will begin parallel storytelling with this sentence:

“I once worked with a family…”

For additional information on parallel storytelling, please see Chapter 5 – pgs. 133-134.

Congratulations! You are now ready to go to:

Lesson #3 and Worksheet #3 to help you apply and master the delivery of Step 3: Explain Undercurrents

Success MilestonesAfter you complete this lesson #2 worksheet, look for these success milestones to see immediate positive outcomes:

✔ Your Parents Will See the Problem Differently – Look for the following signs in your family as you explain the Toxic Seeds

• Your parents or caregivers will give you verbal and body language signs of “buy-in” that it is not just a “child-only” problem to fix, but a family one to restore. They get inspired with this light bulb moment inside their heads:

“Hey, my child’s problem is directly connected to this toxic seed, and not all their fault. We have to heal this ________ [insert seed] because that’s the source or the root. I never thought about it this way before. How cool!”.

• Of course, their internal dialogue may not be exactly like this statement. But you will know it is close when their body language softens, and they get more motivated and inspired.

• Remember, new reframes on old intractable storylines (i.e., my kid just needs to be fixed) give new possibilities and hope.

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✔ You Expand Your Range – Some of the best advice I got from my supervisor, Dr. Tom Smith was the following:

“Scott, look for opportunities to expand your range as a counselor and stretch yourself. You will grow, and so will your clients. If you have to, do it afraid but do it”.

So, when I challenge you with new process delivery steps like parallel storytelling, it’s to help you expand your range because I believe in you!

And when you take these risks with me, it can help you to go from good to great. Or the before, pretty confident in family trauma treatment to more confident and great at family trauma.

And guess who benefits? Both you and your client. You because you can spend less time worrying about your families and more time having fun. And, in turn, you become more playful, light on your feet, and confident. Clients pick up on this, and they feel more playful, light, and confident as well.

It’s a win/win =)

Big Ideas: Lesson 2 VideoHow�to�Explain�the�Toxic�Seeds:�Unhealed�Wounds� as an Example

✔ You saw an overview of the second mini step -Step 2: Explain the Toxic Seed Definitions

✔ You also saw how the misuse of power seed is categorized as a stabilization seed, and the other three seeds are known as Trauma Seeds

✔ A Case Study illustrated how to deliver the Unhealed Wound seed with the bonus strategies of parallel storytelling and scaling. You can replicate these same delivery strategies will all four seeds.

Please Note: Materials that are included in this course may include interventions and modalities that are beyond your authorized practice as a mental health professional, case manager or parent support liaison. As a professional, you are responsible for reviewing your scope of practice, including activities that are defined in law as beyond the boundaries of practice in accordance with and in compliance with your professions standards.