Working with Working with Aggressive Aggressive ChildrenChildren

Lilly Landikusic LMFT, Founder and Director, EMPOWERMENT COUNSELING SERVICES

Talon Greeff MMHC, Director of Residential Care, UTAH YOUTH VILLAGE

This training and additional resources can be found at

www.utahparenting.org

OverviewOverview IntroductionIntroduction

StoriesStories Dynamics of aggressionDynamics of aggression Youth issuesYouth issues

Pre-blowupPre-blowup Home environmentHome environment Setup youth for successSetup youth for success Avoiding power strugglesAvoiding power struggles

During the blow-upDuring the blow-up Steps for calmingSteps for calming Things you should doThings you should do

Post-blowupPost-blowup Writing assignmentsWriting assignments Other Behavioral TechniquesOther Behavioral Techniques

ConclusionConclusion

IntroductionIntroduction

Cody, 8 year-old boy, attacked sister Cody, 8 year-old boy, attacked sister and motherand mother

Charlie, 15 year-old girl, verbally Charlie, 15 year-old girl, verbally abusing parents and siblings, abusing parents and siblings, threats, constantly pushing limits threats, constantly pushing limits using angerusing anger

State mental hospital teen who was State mental hospital teen who was severely developmentally delayedseverely developmentally delayed

9:40

Dynamics of AggressionDynamics of Aggression Research demonstrates that adjudicated Research demonstrates that adjudicated

youth feel they have little or no control over youth feel they have little or no control over their livestheir lives Often feel they cannot make any decisionsOften feel they cannot make any decisions Many youth have been moved “on a whim”Many youth have been moved “on a whim”

They are frustrated and angry at “the system”They are frustrated and angry at “the system” They blame their parents, case managers, They blame their parents, case managers,

foster parents, school teachers, judges and foster parents, school teachers, judges and anyone else they believe is responsible for anyone else they believe is responsible for their unhappinesstheir unhappiness

Research also shows that they feel there are Research also shows that they feel there are two ways they can take control of their lives: two ways they can take control of their lives: passive resistance or physical aggressionpassive resistance or physical aggression

Other Dynamics of Other Dynamics of AggressionAggression

They may have seen aggression modeled by They may have seen aggression modeled by their family members and mimic ittheir family members and mimic it

They may have experimented with aggression They may have experimented with aggression as a behavior and continue to use itas a behavior and continue to use it

They may have a physiological problem and it They may have a physiological problem and it may be more difficult for them to manage may be more difficult for them to manage emotions emotions

Progress in this area requires a longer view—Progress in this area requires a longer view—immediate consequences often do not provide immediate consequences often do not provide immediate changeimmediate change

9:45

Youth IssuesYouth Issues

Poor communicators, tend to be less Poor communicators, tend to be less verbalverbal

Lower than average intellectual Lower than average intellectual functioningfunctioning

Have “anger issues”Have “anger issues” Difficulty with changeDifficulty with change Difficulty with relationships or Difficulty with relationships or

attachmentattachmentWe can help any youth with aggression even those who are severely lower functioning

Pre-BlowupPre-Blowup Home setupHome setup

Systems to share powerSystems to share power Use family meetings to setup rules and give Use family meetings to setup rules and give

feedbackfeedback Use a manager system for youth leadership in the Use a manager system for youth leadership in the

home home Weekly family activitiesWeekly family activities

They are not earned, everyone gets to participate They are not earned, everyone gets to participate equallyequally

Purpose is to build relationships by having fun Purpose is to build relationships by having fun togethertogether

Weekly one on one time with an adultWeekly one on one time with an adult Have fun, demonstrate a sense of humorHave fun, demonstrate a sense of humor

Pre-BlowupPre-Blowup Home setupHome setup

Adequate sleep for youth or childAdequate sleep for youth or child Reasonable, enforced bedtimesReasonable, enforced bedtimes Medication as necessaryMedication as necessary Take time to put children to bed with calming Take time to put children to bed with calming

routinesroutines Story timeStory time Back rubbingBack rubbing

Melatonin has been used with successMelatonin has been used with success Home routines and “rhythm”Home routines and “rhythm”

Develop an accepted scheduleDevelop an accepted schedule Relaxed, home rhythm, allow small disturbancesRelaxed, home rhythm, allow small disturbances

9:50

Pre-BlowupPre-Blowup Setup youth or child for successSetup youth or child for success

Assess medicationAssess medication Observe child or youthObserve child or youth

Determine baseline and record on calendarDetermine baseline and record on calendar Document youth behavior on kitchen Document youth behavior on kitchen

calendarcalendar Give clear, short instructions when a Give clear, short instructions when a

child is frustrated or upsetchild is frustrated or upset Put your irreplaceable things away or in Put your irreplaceable things away or in

storage, help you stay calmstorage, help you stay calm

Pre-BlowupPre-Blowup

Be clear in how you will handle aggressive Be clear in how you will handle aggressive behaviorbehavior Have a clear plan worked out with your spouse Have a clear plan worked out with your spouse

and case workerand case worker Be able to describe it to the youth or childBe able to describe it to the youth or child Clear rewards and consequences for taking a Clear rewards and consequences for taking a

time-out or for refusing to take a time-outtime-out or for refusing to take a time-out Suggestion: Shorten time-out if taken immediatelySuggestion: Shorten time-out if taken immediately Suggestion: Assign a chore for refusing to take a time-Suggestion: Assign a chore for refusing to take a time-

outout Suggestion: Take away privileges for refusing to Suggestion: Take away privileges for refusing to

complete a chorecomplete a chore

Pre-BlowupPre-Blowup Practice necessary skills or behaviors dailyPractice necessary skills or behaviors daily

Practice negative consequences, like time-outPractice negative consequences, like time-out The youth should quickly do the time-outThe youth should quickly do the time-out Practice “controlling emotions” Practice “controlling emotions”

Deep breathingDeep breathing CountingCounting Thinking about consequencesThinking about consequences

Steps to practicing skills with youthSteps to practicing skills with youth Avoid power struggles by giving choicesAvoid power struggles by giving choices Prepares child and parent for aggressive Prepares child and parent for aggressive

situationssituations

9:55

Steps for Practicing with Steps for Practicing with YouthYouth

1.1. Describe the behavior you are Describe the behavior you are teachingteaching

2.2. Give a reason using an if/then Give a reason using an if/then statementstatement

3.3. Demonstrate the behavior for the Demonstrate the behavior for the childchild

4.4. Have the child engage in the Have the child engage in the behavior and practice three timesbehavior and practice three times

5.5. RewardReward

Avoiding Power Avoiding Power StrugglesStruggles Based in giving and explaining choicesBased in giving and explaining choices

For example, if a youth says you can’t make For example, if a youth says you can’t make them clean their room. Your response would them clean their room. Your response would be, “I understand it’s not fun to clean your be, “I understand it’s not fun to clean your room and you have a choice. You can choose room and you have a choice. You can choose not to clean your room keeping you from not to clean your room keeping you from watching TV or you can clean your room and watching TV or you can clean your room and watch TV sooner. It’s up to you”watch TV sooner. It’s up to you”

Let the youth know Let the youth know theythey have the choice and have the choice and emphasize it’s up to them. We cannot literally emphasize it’s up to them. We cannot literally force anyone to do anything. We wouldn’t want force anyone to do anything. We wouldn’t want to do that because then learning doesn’t take to do that because then learning doesn’t take place.place.

10:00

Steps to Avoiding Power Steps to Avoiding Power StrugglesStruggles

1.1. Youth says, “I won’t…You can’t Youth says, “I won’t…You can’t make me… No..,”make me… No..,”

2.2. Empathy statement, “I would be Empathy statement, “I would be more fun to watch TVmore fun to watch TV

3.3. Explain that youth has a choice, Explain that youth has a choice, “You have a choice.”“You have a choice.”

4.4. Explain the negative choice and its Explain the negative choice and its consequence, “You can choose to consequence, “You can choose to not do your chore now and lose TV”not do your chore now and lose TV”

Steps to Avoiding Power Steps to Avoiding Power StrugglesStruggles

5.5. Explain the positive choice and its Explain the positive choice and its consequence, “Or you can get right on the consequence, “Or you can get right on the chore and watch TV when you are done.”chore and watch TV when you are done.”

6.6. If necessary, give youth time and return to If necessary, give youth time and return to see what the choice is, “You need to get see what the choice is, “You need to get started in the next five minutes.”started in the next five minutes.”

7.7. If the youth makes the positive choice If the youth makes the positive choice then praise and reward. If not, then then praise and reward. If not, then impose a negative consequence such as impose a negative consequence such as turning off the TV.turning off the TV.

10:05

Things to RememberThings to Remember Do not walk on eggshells or let child/youth train Do not walk on eggshells or let child/youth train

you to accommodate their behavioryou to accommodate their behavior You will do the work, either now or laterYou will do the work, either now or later Have low tolerances with small consequences, if Have low tolerances with small consequences, if

you consequate interrupting, name calling and you consequate interrupting, name calling and yelling then you will deal with less physical yelling then you will deal with less physical aggressionaggression

Negotiating is ok, as long as it is not bribe or Negotiating is ok, as long as it is not bribe or blackmailblackmail

Bribe is a reward which comes before the Bribe is a reward which comes before the behaviorbehavior

During the BlowupDuring the Blowup

Stay about 10 feet away from the youthStay about 10 feet away from the youth De-escalation begins with delivery of a De-escalation begins with delivery of a

consequenceconsequence Youth may tantrum to avoid a consequenceYouth may tantrum to avoid a consequence Deliver one consequence, additional chores Deliver one consequence, additional chores

or lose privileges for a dayor lose privileges for a day Don’t pile consequences on or think that Don’t pile consequences on or think that

delivering a consequence will result in delivering a consequence will result in compliancecompliance

Steps for calming down youthSteps for calming down youth

10:10

Steps for Calming the Steps for Calming the YouthYouth

1.1. Express empathy or praiseExpress empathy or praise2.2. Describe behavior you need them to stopDescribe behavior you need them to stop

• Yelling Yelling • SwearingSwearing• Stomping aroundStomping around

3.3. Describe what you want them to doDescribe what you want them to do• Short instructionsShort instructions• Pleasant voicePleasant voice• Don’t expect compliance but praise Don’t expect compliance but praise

approximationsapproximations

4.4. Repeat first three steps until youth calm Repeat first three steps until youth calm downdown

Allow time for them to calm Allow time for them to calm downdown

During the BlowupDuring the Blowup Only discuss the child’s behavior, not the Only discuss the child’s behavior, not the

issue or situation that began the blow-upissue or situation that began the blow-up Ignore any “baiting”Ignore any “baiting”

““You’re nicer to the other kids”You’re nicer to the other kids” ““You are so unfair”You are so unfair” ““You don’t know what it’s like nowadays”You don’t know what it’s like nowadays”

Monitor your own behaviorMonitor your own behavior Remove any audienceRemove any audience Explain how youth can resolve the Explain how youth can resolve the

situationsituation

10:15

During the Blow-upDuring the Blow-up

Know when to restrainKnow when to restrain Hurting self or othersHurting self or others Severe property damage Severe property damage

Know how to restrainKnow how to restrain Don’t restrain if you cannot, will make situation Don’t restrain if you cannot, will make situation

worseworse Add charges to youthAdd charges to youth

Plan for supportPlan for support It is your job to manage your youth in your homeIt is your job to manage your youth in your home Lean on resources for necessary helpLean on resources for necessary help

During the Blow-upDuring the Blow-up Know when to call the policeKnow when to call the police

Teenager assaults parentTeenager assaults parent ““You need to put the knife down in 5 seconds or I will You need to put the knife down in 5 seconds or I will

have to call the police”have to call the police” Youth needs to learn that familial violence is Youth needs to learn that familial violence is

unacceptableunacceptable Inhibits parents ability to deliver and enforce Inhibits parents ability to deliver and enforce

consequencesconsequences Severe property damageSevere property damage

Take youth property as consequence, youth cannot be Take youth property as consequence, youth cannot be allowed to damage home to get property backallowed to damage home to get property back

Damage the youth cannot fix, repair or make restitutionDamage the youth cannot fix, repair or make restitution Severe potential harm or damageSevere potential harm or damage

Stealing a carStealing a car Taking a weaponTaking a weapon

10:20

Things you Should DoThings you Should Do Track youth who are aggressiveTrack youth who are aggressive Avoid blocking exits or areas of travelAvoid blocking exits or areas of travel Appear relaxed and calmAppear relaxed and calm

SlouchSlouch Lean against a wallLean against a wall Break eye contactBreak eye contact

Remain about 10 feet away—no closer!Remain about 10 feet away—no closer! Remember—you are in charge and in controlRemember—you are in charge and in control

It is a matter of timeIt is a matter of time You don’t need to convince them you are in You don’t need to convince them you are in

chargecharge

Post Blow-upPost Blow-up Wait a significant time, usually several Wait a significant time, usually several

hours or until the next day, and have the hours or until the next day, and have the youth practice what they should do instead youth practice what they should do instead of blowing upof blowing up

It should be a neutral time that is It should be a neutral time that is convenient for you convenient for you and the youthand the youth

Keep the practice short and resist lecturingKeep the practice short and resist lecturing The youth should practice three timesThe youth should practice three times Have a reward for practicing that is used Have a reward for practicing that is used

quickly. Reduce the consequence, candy quickly. Reduce the consequence, candy bar, extra time out of bedbar, extra time out of bed

10:25

Post-blowupPost-blowup Apply consequence that is reasonable, Apply consequence that is reasonable,

not punishingnot punishing Suggestion: youth lose privileges for Suggestion: youth lose privileges for

half a day, lose privileges for a full dayhalf a day, lose privileges for a full day Do a combination of consequences like Do a combination of consequences like

a major chore, several role-plays and a major chore, several role-plays and written assignmentswritten assignments

Teach with the consequence—teach a Teach with the consequence—teach a skill that will help the youth avoid skill that will help the youth avoid blowing up in the futureblowing up in the future

Writing Assignments and Writing Assignments and Other TechniquesOther Techniques

Have youth fill out worksheet on SODASHave youth fill out worksheet on SODAS Complete Aggression Log or calming down Complete Aggression Log or calming down

worksheetworksheet Practice emotional regulation techniquesPractice emotional regulation techniques

Counting to tenCounting to ten Thinking about consequencesThinking about consequences Thinking about what you wantThinking about what you want Thinking about something pleasantThinking about something pleasant Thought-stopping/Taking a minuteThought-stopping/Taking a minute Time self outTime self out Put pleasant things in your roomPut pleasant things in your room Sing positive song to yourselfSing positive song to yourself Develop a positive saying to repeat to yourselfDevelop a positive saying to repeat to yourself

10:30

SODASSODAS

SITUATION: One sentence describing SITUATION: One sentence describing the situationthe situation

OPTIONS: List at least three options OPTIONS: List at least three options availableavailable

DISADVANTAGES: List at least three DISADVANTAGES: List at least three disadvantages for each optiondisadvantages for each option

ADVANTAGES: List at least three ADVANTAGES: List at least three advantages for each optionadvantages for each option

SOLUTION: Pick one of the optionsSOLUTION: Pick one of the options

Calming Down WorktableCalming Down Worktable

Things that Things that make me make me

angryangry

How I can tell How I can tell I am getting I am getting angry – Body angry – Body

signalssignals

How I can How I can calm downcalm down

Telling me noTelling me no My face feels My face feels hot, I start to hot, I start to talk fasttalk fast

Take a deep Take a deep breath before breath before speakingspeaking

Other Behavioral Other Behavioral TechniquesTechniques

Differential reinforcement of incompatible Differential reinforcement of incompatible behaviorbehavior Focus on teaching skills that make it impossible to Focus on teaching skills that make it impossible to

do the negative behaviordo the negative behavior You cannot yell if you are speaking in a normal You cannot yell if you are speaking in a normal

voice voice Differential reinforcement of other behaviorDifferential reinforcement of other behavior

Focus on teaching and rewarding skills rather than Focus on teaching and rewarding skills rather than providing a negative consequence for a behaviorproviding a negative consequence for a behavior

Rewarding a youth for being sensitive to others’ Rewarding a youth for being sensitive to others’ needs makes it less likely you will need to provide needs makes it less likely you will need to provide a negative consequence for hitting a negative consequence for hitting

10:35

Differential Reinforcement Differential Reinforcement of Incompatible Behaviorof Incompatible Behavior

It is easy to get frustrated with problem behavior and It is easy to get frustrated with problem behavior and apply a negative consequenceapply a negative consequence

Focus instead on reinforcing positive behaviorFocus instead on reinforcing positive behavior It is a simple concept: praise and reward behavior It is a simple concept: praise and reward behavior

that is the opposite of the behavior you don’t want to that is the opposite of the behavior you don’t want to seesee

The trick is to reward the good behavior that The trick is to reward the good behavior that prevents them from doing the bad behaviorprevents them from doing the bad behavior You cannot yell if you are using a normal voice, so praise a You cannot yell if you are using a normal voice, so praise a

normal voicenormal voice You cannot be hitting if you are touching softly, so praise You cannot be hitting if you are touching softly, so praise

touching softlytouching softly Singing instead of yellingSinging instead of yelling Complimenting others instead of complainingComplimenting others instead of complaining

Praise and reward a strength that makes it impossible Praise and reward a strength that makes it impossible for the youth or child to do the problem behaviorfor the youth or child to do the problem behavior

Differential Reinforcement Differential Reinforcement of Other Behaviorof Other Behavior

Identify the problem behaviorIdentify the problem behavior Identify the skill or behavior that the Identify the skill or behavior that the

youth have or you would like them to haveyouth have or you would like them to have You can use shaping and chaining to build You can use shaping and chaining to build

on a strengthon a strength Reinforce the behavior or skill you want Reinforce the behavior or skill you want

to have rather than the problem behaviorto have rather than the problem behavior Breathing deeplyBreathing deeply ComplimentingComplimenting Any of the emotional self-regulation Any of the emotional self-regulation

techniquestechniques

10:40

ConclusionConclusion

Working with aggressive youth and Working with aggressive youth and children can be frustratingchildren can be frustrating

Have a long-term view and track the Have a long-term view and track the progress so you can see itprogress so you can see it

Modeling patience, polite asking and Modeling patience, polite asking and sensitivity to others helps youth sensitivity to others helps youth learn more quicklylearn more quickly

Everyone can learn and changeEveryone can learn and changeThis training and additional resources can be found at

www.utahparenting.org

Contact InformationContact Information

Presenters:

• Talon Greeff MMHC, Director of Residential Care, UTAH YOUTH VILLAGE

(801) 272-9980(801) 272-9980

• Lilly Landikusic LMFT, Founder and Director, EMPOWERMENT COUNSELING SERVICES

(801) 604-1134