Working through Menopause - THEA O'CONNOR · 2019-04-25 · Four women were self-employed, the...

Summary o f themes emerg ing f rom in te rv i ewsconduc ted by Thea O 'Connor w i th 25 Aus t r a l i an women

W OME N' S E X P E R I E NC E

W W W .T HE A .C OM.A U | E NQUI R I E S @T HE A .C OM | 0 4 1 2 1 9 0 8 6 0

Workingthrough

Menopause

OC T OB E R 2 0 1 8

Isolating

Embarrassing

Frustrating

Surprising

ShockingShameA StruggleOverwhelmingSecret , HiddenDisappointmentExtremely unsettling

Self-DoubtBit nervous-makingRoller Coaster, Intense

WHA T WOR DS WOUL D Y OU USE T O DE SC R I B ET HE E XP E R I E NC E OF ME NOP A USE ?

Of the women interviewed only four said the symptoms they experienced did not cause anysignificant distress. Overall, research suggests that 60% of women will have mild symptoms foraround 4 - 8 years. Twenty per cent of women will have no symptoms at all while another 20%will be severely affected, with symptoms continuing into their 60s or later.. Here are some of the key responses and themes that emerged from the interviews, withselected quotes to illustrate.

During September and October 2018, workplace wellbeing advisor Thea O’Connor interviewed25 Australian working women, regarding their experience of transitioning through menopause.


Isolating and embarrassing were thetwo most commonly used words

The interviews

Four women were self-employed, the remainder worked for an organisation. Average age was 54, ranging from 46 to 61. Although some women weren’t exactly sure what stage they were in, nine women wereclearly post-menopausal, the remainder in perimenopause.

IntrusiveIt’s F’*d , not funInteresting processReflection, Distillation Paring backTransitionRadical ChangeRite of PassageSignificant changeFascinated by it and welcomed itFruitful, solidConfidence buildingNurturing

Deeper relationship with myself -that hasn’t always been pleasant.

Emotionally tumultuousConfrontingBit of a freak outUngovernable Unpredictable

UncontrollableUncomfortableUnravellingUnFairInconvenient Annoying, pissed off at havingto go through this

IrritatingAngryConsuming

NOT FOR DI STR I BUTI ON

SE C R E C Y , I SOL A T I ON &ST I G MA WE R E I NT E R T WI NE D

There is a sense of having to hide it, you can’t tell people what is actually going on for you. It felt secret and that I had to hide it. It's not acknowledged – we are only just starting to tacklemental health at work. The silence - it’s the worst thing especially when you get to the top of organisations where thepercentages of women are low 80-20. The work culture has no consideration of the cyclic nature of our health. Pregnancy is more acceptednow, people understand you have leave for that. But menstrual cycles and the impact of that – there isa denial of that. I had a few instances where I didn’t feel fit for work because I hadn’t slept and I was panicking aboutthat – that I wasn’t up for the job. It’s the feeling that I am going to have to lie, but someone mightnotice and then I’ll feel like a fraud.

I feel ripped off that no one prepared me for it. No one talked to me. Why didn’t anyone tell me? This is a change of life I was not prepared for at all. Before I had my periodat 13, I was told some stuff, but no one sat me down to have the ‘time of life’ conversation – I’mdisappointed I didn’t have that. I’m 46 and I felt so unprepared and shocked when it happened.


Why didn’t anyone tell me?!

Key Themes

Secrecy & Silence [in the workplace]

IsolationI felt lonely because it’s not spoken about. You can have sick days for all sorts of thing, but saying youare going to have a day off because of menopause …. I couldn’t talk about it, or it’d be seen as a weakness, especially in a male dominated environment. Idon’t have a colleague at work who gets this – not in a leadership role . It’s not something that is discussed in a workplace, even though it has the most profound hormonaleffect on you. Everyone talks about periods. No one talks about menopause. There’s no discussion about it – when I do mention it, people laugh but never stop and ask– what’s thatlike for you? There is still a lack of dialogue on it, even though we are a female dominated workplace,we hardly talk about it, even amongst older women. This can leave you feeling disconnected,alienated, on the outskirts.


We need to take the stigma out of it, as we do with mental health, it's still a taboo topic. There’s an unconscious bias that women are out of control, hysterical. You don’t have scratch thesurface much to find that entrenched view that women turn into harridans. There is an unconscious bias that menopause means you are going into the last stage of your career. There is a stigma that this signals the end. You are not as sharp, not at your career peak. It taps into the broader issue of misogyny in your culture… Once you go through menopause there is a perception in society that you have done your time, you areused up, not fertile, not young, so your value diminishes . Then you become marginalised. You have this sense of not being seen by society as sexy any more. I have invested more into mywomen friends and colleagues more so than with men, because I feel more comfortable with them thanwith my place in world and how that has changed.

I had female colleagues who were going through it at the same time so we could talk about it. Ingeneral though, women don’t want to talk about it. I'm not sure why we don’t - is it because if I do I amacknowledging I am in that stage where I will no longer be attractive as a woman? that it's all downhillfrom here? I have worked with women leaders, colleagues, managers , and it’s still not really acknowledged , whichis odd. We just don’t talk about it - like we do about PMS or pregnancy. When my mother dying I remember asking– how was menopause for you? She said ‘Oh I was far toobusy for all of that’. So I thought it can’t have been a big deal , and that’s how it would be for me.


Even women aren’t talking about it

The stigma

Fear of discriminationI don’t feel it's something I can talk about openly, without experiencing discrimination. Not being ableto talk about it openly leaves me feeling a bit of a fraud. I'd rather be genuine about my experience. It plays right into the gender stereo we are trying to move away from. Judaism doesn’t help. ‘She’ll bemore emotional when she has periods so she can’t do XYZ’ … similarly – it’s not that she is beingassertive about something important, it’s just that time of month for her. This issue is so related to gender discrimination stereotype. It needs a place at the table - it's a genderequality issue. We are going through a restructure and I worry I might not be able to get another job, not because ofmenopause, but because of my age. Age discrimination is real.


It creates anxiety for me, whether I can do the tasks at hand. I'm a senior XX, I've been doing this for all my life, it was really hard to see it (menopause) affected mywork so drastically. I was more reactive to my working environment, more speaking my mind. I did have a fear of losing itand speaking out so strongly that others would think it unacceptable, and that there’d berepercussions. Being sleep deprived had a cascading effect making stamina and concentration very difficult. The impact on my brain distresses me the most, the effect on my memory, my capacity to recall feels asthough it’s diminished. I can be talking about something, then have to stop short. Hot flushes canfreeze my brain – it stops working. It affects my productivity (sleep, memory, emotional capacity to be invested in others) - that would bea problem if I didn’t have a flexible work place. It had such a profound effect it took me a while to develop coping mechanisms. It made me doubt my ability, especially foggy brain. There are moments I want to be retired ratherthan try and work at same time level. Anxiety can immobilise me – and my inner self talk can get out of control giving myself a hard time. There is self-doubt that I can’t do it – it’s the pace, the expectations, the load …. I have moments ofwanting to get under the doona and stay there. My biggest fear was that I’d be seen as an emotional mess that couldn’t do my job. Women don’t want to talk about it because they are scared they would lose their job.


Worry about work performance

Embarrassment & jokesI had hot flushes at work, and I thought everyone else could tell and that everyone was looking at me. Ifelt very self-conscious. I felt patronised and embarrassed, being the butt of jokes. If you took your cardigan off 100 times aday, or had to adjust air conditioning, people went ‘oh ho ho – middle aged women! ' If I was in a meeting when a hot flush happened, I would joke about the furnace. That was ok withwomen, but with men I felt awkward – I didn’t want to feed negative stereotype of older women. Humour masks the discomfort.

Meanwhile … it’s performance as usualWe pretend it’s not there, it's performance as usual.


Having to carry on regardless, keep doing your work no matter how severe the symptoms were. Mine was haemorrhaging.Trying to remain professional and keep your work face on when you are feeling crap.


A call withinIt was a time when I needed to crystallise what I was doing and get clear about - what do I want tocarry forward? what’s important to me ? I craved alone time. I most wanted to go to a deserted island and not interact. I now have deeper relationship with myself and my body .. and a love for myself I have neverexperienced before. It’s been an invitation to grow more into my strengths..

You can’t take time off work because I don’t get paid, - no sick leave, no long service .. so I have to pushthrough. When women are trying to deal with profound changes in their bodies, we are also trying to maintain afacade in the workplace of nothing to see, nothing to hear.

A time of profound changeWe are not who we used to be, we need to allow space to get to know who we are again. Looking back it was a gift that challenged me into change. It’s a time where we go through a fundamental change – if you are prepared to accept it and go with it,there are many advantages. You do have to modify things, you can’t necessarily eat the same way, forexample. There is a kind of re-wiring. You are being asked to move into learning to be another way. My capacity to compromise is at an all-time low. It’s about letting go of the mothering impulse.

The opportunityIt’d be beautiful for women to be offered a different understanding of menopause - that’s it a time forus to come into eldership, to understand it rather than try to get rid of it, and work with it together tohelp us to come into this next stage of life.

(What was the hardest thing about menopause?)

To treat it as a gateway to the next stage ofyour life, a time for wisdom.


T O NOR MA L I SE I T ! T A L K A B OUT I T . B R I NG I T I NT O T HE MA I NST R E A M.If we could normalise this life stage, and see it as utterly part of the cyclical nature of life, then womencould feel much more empowered, more able to claim all parts of us. It’s a normal part of life, not a disease. End the silence that surrounds a stage of life that half of humanity go through.

Overwhelming, resoundingly, women said :


What would make thebiggest positive difference?

Also ... R E F R A ME I TThe prevailing narrative of women and menopause is one of unhappiness that their bodies havechanged. Women are desperate for a new paradigm. Turn it into a recognised rite of passage that’s celebrated and honoured as a life stage, not as afragility. We need lots of positive stories – they are hard to find. Reclaim menopause as a powerful and positive process in women’s lives.

Inter-generational exchangeOlder women sharing with younger women, a go-to network where you can go for support.

Make good information and literatureeasier to find.Not just cosmo articles, but clinical research.


Recognition:

It would mean the world, it would alleviate the stuff of being at work and feeling souncomfortable. I love my job and the work I do, but sometimes I think I don’t want to go intowork because of how I am feeling. I would have felt empowered, felt normal, that I’m experiencing something my workplacecan make reasonable adjustments to, and therefore I could still able to make a valuable contribution. I would feel seen, witnessed, honoured, respected and valued. I would feel supported, and that I could work longer. It’d help me stop feeling like I’m not going mad. It’d be easier to come to work and be all of me. I could let down my guard a bit. I’d havemore capacity to be more comfortable and to reduce the pressure, which my workplacewould gain from. I would not have to go through this alone. I could be genuine about my experience ratherthan feel I had to hide it I would feel like the system cared for me. Without the very supportive workplace I do have, I’d resign.

In the workplace women wanted:

Workplaces recognising this as animpactful rite of passage thataffects 50 per cent of workers,with a structured response thatsupports women. The workplace doesn’t need to fixanything, just acknowledge thishappens.

Including tools that make iteasier to have conversationsacross genders and betweenemployees and their managers.

Where it’s built into the system so thatyour workplace has a conversationwith you about how it can support youif you are coming into that life stage. Written policies about it to ensure youaren’t discriminated against. It could be included in WHS induction,because it is an employee wellbeingissue.

What that would it mean for you, if you had that kind of support?


Education forall staff:

Flexible workingconditions:


For more info, go to www.thea.com.au/the-changeor just email [email protected] call me 0412 190 860 N.B. This report is not for furtherdistribution without my permission.

My Response

a 7 week interactive learningprogram for 10 to 15 women.drawing together women fromdifferent workplaces

creating a space where womencan talk about menopause in areal and respectful way, adoptan empowering understandingof this life-stage while learningabout the wellbeing practicesthat can best protect women’seffectiveness at work.

The themes that came out of theseinterviews were so strong and consistent,and so pertinent to me personally andprofessionally, that after the interviews, Iwas left thinking and feeling:

I T ’ S T I ME , NO W , F O R C HA NG E ( J UST L I K EME NO P A USEI T SE L F ! )

So… I am ran a pilot program in late October 2018, to respond to the mostpressing needs identified.

Based on the positive feedbackof the pilot, the change hasnow become an online,confidential program availablefor working women in theprivacy of their homes:


http://www.thea.com.au/the-change/

T HE C A SE F OR B E C O MI NG A


Menopause-Friendly Workplace

Menopausetypically occursbetween the agesof 45 and 55. 78%of women aged 45to 60 are in theworkforce.

Workplaces are legally required to provide a safe anddiscrimination-free work environment. This includes a duty toensure work conditions and environments do not adverselyimpact on health. Research shows that some working conditionsmake menopausal symptoms worse. These range from hot orpoorly ventilated environments through to gendered ageism.

Legal

Research shows that some working conditions make menopausal symptoms worse.

Womenaged 45years andovercomprise17% of theAustralianworkforce.

Between 1999and 2012, the

workforceparticipation rate

of women aged55-64 age grew

by 23%.

This segment of the workforceis only expected to grow asretirement ages increase.

Women aged 45 to 6086.7%

13.3%

Demographic

83%

Women aged 45+17%

Women in the Workforce Australian Workforce

23%

Wellbeing & Productivity Advisor, Speaker, Coach

78%

Australian Bureau of Statistics,Australian Social Trends, 2014Menopauseatwork.org (Monash Uni)The effects of menopause transitionon women’s economic participationin the UK. Research report July2017. By Joanna Brewis, VanessaBeck, Andrea Davies and JesseMatheson, University of Leicester. Kleinman N et al. (2013) ‘Direct and indirect costs of womendiagnosed with menopausesymptoms’ Journal of Occupationaland Environmental Medicine:volume 55, issue 4, pages 465-470Sarrel P et al. (2015) ‘Incrementaldirect and indirect costs ofuntreated vasomotor symptoms’Menopause: volume 22, issue 3,pages 260-266

Sou r ces i nc l u d e :


Social ResponsibilityProtecting women’s economic participation asthey get older is important for women’s financialwellbeing, as well the national economy. In factit’s estimated that increasing workforceparticipation among ageing women will raise GDPgrowth by 1.5 per cent.

De-stigmatising a natural stage of the life cycle isa humane thing to do.

BusinessWhile many women transition through menopause without any problems asignificant number will struggle. About 50 per cent of working women saymenopausal symptoms make work more difficult. Fatigue, hot flashes, troublewith focus and concentration, anxiety and insomnia are the most problematic forworking women, according to recent UK research involving almost 4,000 women.

The cost of not supporting women during this life transition is significant:

About 1 in 4 women considering quitting their jobsduring the menopausal transition, often when theyare at the height of their career.

Several studies show that women with untreated symptoms take more sick days thanthose with no symptoms.

A supportive workplace makes a real difference. Womenwho had supportive supervisors were significantly lesslikely to report symptoms, according to La TrobeUniversity’s 2016 research into 476 peri-menopausal andpostmenopausal women.

The adjustments that can make a positive difference towomen, such as flexible work practices, temperaturecontrol, or an understanding attitude, cost little but canreap great loyalty.

It’s estimated that increasing workforceparticipation among ageing women will

raise GDP growth by 1.5 per cent.

Workplace Wellbeing & Productivity Advisor

W HA T ' S T HE B E ST W A Y T O


Reduce Stigma?P R OF E SSOR C OR R I G A N’ S ‘ ST I G MA R E DUC T I ON

T HE OR Y ’ DE SC R I B E S T HR E E C OR E WA Y S T O T A C K L EST I G MA : C ONT A C T , E DUC A T I ON, A ND P R OT E ST .

https://www.thea.com.au/

A C T I ONInvite a guest speaker who can talk to youremployees about her experience of workingthrough menopause. What were the challenges?

What (would have) made a positive difference?

If you have an employee from your ownworkplace willing to share their experience, make sure they know they are supported andvalued so they don’t feel too vulnerable.

This involves face-to-face contact with a person experiencing the situation, condition or life stagein question. Corrigan’s research has found that using an everyday person, with whom theaudience can identity, is more effective than using a high profile celebrity or sports person. Video-based contact is also effective, especially for young age groups, but not as much as directcontact.


Some women even say menopause is the best keptsecret, that it’s a liberating life stage when women’senergy is freed from reproduction and can now be

channelled into other life pursuits.

Contact: Very Effective.

Education: Moderately Effective.Make the facts and figures about menopausereadily available to your staff , whileemphasizing it is a natural and normal transitionevery woman goes through . Don’t assume mendon’t want to know about it – it could be justwhat they need to better understand what’shappening for their partners wives, mothers orrelatives. Please, share the good news not only the bad!

For example, 50 per cent of women said theirworking lives had improved since the onset ofmenopause, according to a British study ofnearly 200 women aged 50 to 64, conducted bythe Social Issues Research Centre in 2002.

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https://www.thea.com.au/

A C T I ONRun training for your managers and employees where it is safeto name the negative stereotypes we may have internalised, andexamine the impact of this. Processes related to unearthingunconscious bias can be helpful here.

This “shame-on-you" approach appeals to people to stop or ignoretheir negative thoughts and attitudes towards, for example, olderwomen. It can have paradoxical rebound effects, increasingstigma rather than reducing it.

VISIBLE SENIORLEADERSHIP

Protest: Least Effective.

Other Factors Important in Reducing Stigma in the Workplace

Can you enlist a seniorleader who is willing toshare her own experience?Or at a minimum, attendany education or trainingevents you hold ?

COMMUNICATING THAT A MENOPAUSE-FRIENDLY WORKPLACE IS GOOD FOREVERYONESome of the changes that occur during menopause, will affect men as

they age as well – such as increased trouble sleeping with age, slowercognition, or need to use the toilet at night more often. Make it clearthat the reasonable adjustment than can be offered to women, such asflexible work practices, are available for all, at any time of life.

A G UE ST SP E A K E R A ND T R A I NE R O N WO R K I NG T HR O UG H ME NO P A USE .

Lived experience.The facts about menopause.Reframing menopause & exploring ourinternalised biases re age and gender.Employer and employee responsibilities.How managers and employees can have acomfortable conversation about menopause.

There will be some female employees who won’twant to speak up at work, even if you create asupportive culture. So it’s good to provide links toother services they can access confidentially. Hereis one unique offering: The Change a confidentialonline program connecting women from differentworkplaces, so they can feel more confident,connected and able to cope. Details at

Remember:

W W W .T HE A .C OM.A U/C ONT A C T -ME

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www.thea.com.au/the-change

3.

https://www.thea.com.au/contact-me

https://www.thea.com.au/the-change/

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