Why Pop and Rock Artists Should Not Use Twitter eBook

7/30/2019 Why Pop and Rock Artists Should Not Use Twitter eBook

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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 3


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Table of Contents

ThanksRegina(variousartists) .5

YourMothersaWHORE!!!!(NickiMinaj)12

RestInPeace(LennyKravitz)...16

LimpBizkitTrendingWORLDWIDE!(LimpBizkit).....22

MyWeesAreNeak (variousartists)..25

IdTapThat(variousartists)....31

TransparentHypocrisy(variousartists).....39

WEWORKHARD(JustinBieber)42

LoveYouScary(MileyRayCyrus).45

TheFriendliestFlower(KatyPerry)....48

SmilingToARacistMan(50Cent)..52

TheImportanceofWorldWaterDay(MandyMoore)......................55

P.S. ImFINE(TaylorSwift).................61

RoachHotelCalifornia(WeirdAlYankovic)....64
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/mileycyrus/mileycyrustickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/lennykravitz/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/nickiminaj/nickiminajtickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/katyperry/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/TaylorSwift/TaylorSwiftTickets.asp


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Thanks Regina

Popularsingers,rockmusicians,andrappershaveabuiltinpulpit. Theycanconveywhatevermessage

theywantintheirmusicandtheirlegionsoffansareacaptiveaudience.

EvenwiththatamazingluxurysomepopandrockstarshavetakentoTwittertocommunicatewhatthey

cantin

their

music.

WhattheyhavetosayonTwitterisnotalwaysexciting

orinteresting

orevencoherent
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/carrie-underwood/Carrie-Underwood-Concert-Tickets.htmhttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/britneyspears/britneyspearstickets.asp


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Buttheyarewordstypedby(oronthebehalfof)celebritiesandtheyrepublishedontheinternet. That

meanstheyarethemostimportantthingssincethedawnoftime!

YoumaynotknowthisbuttherearemorepeopleonTwitterthantherearegrainsofsandonEarthand

moreTweetsthanthereareatomsintheknownuniverse.

Alright.Alright.

Ill

stop

with

the

hyperbole

and

fictional

statistics.

Instead,

let

me

just

say

there

are

a

lotofpeoplewithTwitteraccounts.

Eventhoughthesocialnetworkingsiteislessthanadecadeold,itsalreadybecomeanintegralpartof

ourculture. Atleastasintegralasdeath,taxes,andtherealizationthatSlashisneverreturningtoGuns

NRoses.

MostoftheTweetsemanatingfromfamoussingers,greatmusicians,andeliteMCshavetodowiththe

reasonsocialnetworkingsiteswereinventedinthefirstplace,tosellthings.

Afterpitchingalbums,concerttickets,andotherproducts,musicsuperstarsuseTwitterforavarietyof

reasons.
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/jasonmraz/jasonmraztickets.asp


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Someuse

it

to

give

insight

to

their

fans

Othersuseittocomplainabouttherigorsoffame

bragabouttheirTwitteraccounts

discussmusic
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justinbieber/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/ladygaga/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/justin-timberlake-tickets.htmhttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/pink/pinktickets.asp


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orespouse

political

views

ThankstoTwitterwereabletoreadwhatsracingthroughafamousmusiciansmind

orlackthereof

Whatrulesmusttheserockandpopstarsfollow? Theresonlyone. Tweetsmustbe140charactersor

less. Thisrestrictionupsetssomedivas

butmostpersevereandusemultiplepoststotelltheirstory


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Althoughnotdesignedfortwowaychatting,Twitterdoesallowartists,evenfromdiversemusical

backgrounds,tocommunicatewithoneanother

Besidesbeing140charactersorless,andemanatingfromthemindsofpopularmusicians,alltheTweets

inthisbookhaveoneotherthingincommon. Theyareallculledfromverifiedsources. Iftheaccount

didnthavethisbluecheck

itwasntusedinthisbook.


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C o p y r i g h t 2 0 1 2 C l i c k i t T i c k e t . c o m P a g e 1 0

Whenat

all

possible

Itried

to

use

Tweets

in

context.

For

example,

heres

aTweet

taken

out

of

context

IfyoudidntknowanybetteryoumightthinkCarlyRaehadaterrificnightwithagirlnamedRegina.

Whilethatsoundslikeagrandidea,ReginaisactuallyatowninCanadaandthesingerisreferringtoher

concert.

Personally,IdratherlistentomusicthanreadTweets. Inmyopinion,Twitterhastoquadrupleits

importancejusttobetrivial.

Evenwiththatbeingsaid,themicrobloggingsitehasvalue. Youcanuseittofollowyourfavorite

musiciansfornewsandbehindthescenesinformation. Oryoucanuseittotellthemhowmuchyou

liketheirmusic. Ifyoureluckytheymightevenrespond.

IwouldntexpectanyTwitteraccounttoalteryouropinionofaparticularartist. Chancesareverygood

thatTwitterwillonlyreinforceyourcurrentbeliefswithoneortwopossibleexceptions.


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Thisbook

isnt

an

in

depth

study

of

Tweets

by

pop

and

rock

stars.

Nor

is

it

aguide

about

which

recordingartistsyoushouldandshouldnotfollow.

Thisbookisnothingmorethanaquicksurveyofthebestandworst(mostlytheworst)ofwhatTwitter

hastoofferwhenitcomestoworldstopmusicians.

IdoubtanyTwitteraccountwillchangeyourlife,oryourtasteinmusic,butmostwillmakeyoulaugh.


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Your Mothers a WHORE!!!!

Singersdont

need

help

putting

their

feet

into

their

mouths.

Theyve

been

doing

that

long

before

the

adventofTwitterandwillcontinuetodosolongafterthemicrcobloggingsitegoesaway(ifthatever

happens).

OneofTwittersredeemingqualitiesishowitprovidesa140characterby140characteraccountofan

artistsrapiddescentintoselfdestruction.

InAugustof2012,rapperNickiMinajtooktoTwitterandlaunchedatiradethatwouldmakea

longshoremenblush.

Duetoaseverelystrainedvoice,MinajwasforcedtocancelatourofEurope. Sufficetosay,thebad

newswasnotwellreceived

TheTrinidadianbornrapperdidntstopthere


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Hereswhyshessoupset: MinajperformedtwiceonAug.14,onceinthemorningonNBCsTheToday

ShowandlaterthatnightattheRoselandBallroom.

TheperformancesoverworkedMinajsalreadybruisedvocalcordspromptinghertocancelseveral

datesintheUnitedKingdomincludinganappearanceattheVFestival.

Somecriticssuggestedthatsheshouldhavekepthercommitments,gonetoEurope,andlipsynced.

Ifindthesentimentthatsheshouldhavemimedherliveperformancesdisturbing. Therewasatime

inpopularmusicwhengettingcaughtlipsyncingwasabouttheworstthingasingercoulddo.

Nowadays,itsbecomingalegitimateperformancemechanism. Thatsverysad.

Bytheway,BarbziswhatMinajcallsherfans.


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Toaddinsulttoinjury,TheHollywoodReporter(THR)putherTwitterrantinastory:NickiMinaj

Berates,Curses

Fans

After

U.K.

Concerts

Cancellation.

Asyouwouldexpect,theBarbzquicklycametoMinajsrescueandexplainedthattheactualtargetof

herhypertextharanguewasthepress

MinajspenttherestofthedayreTweetingmessagesofsupportandderidingTheHollywoodReporter

ItsprobablyworthmentioningthatMinajisthemostfollowedrapperintheworldandoneofthemost

popularmusiciansinsocialmedia. SothoseclassyTweetsweretheoreticallyreadbymorethan14

millionpeople.


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Canyou

imagine

going

to

Minajs

Twitter

account

for

the

first

time

and

reading

this

TheissuehereisntwhetherornotMinajmadethewrongdecisionorevenifTheHollywoodReporter

lied. TheissueisMinajcanttakealittlecriticism. Iknowahealthissuewasinvolved,andthatsa

privatematter,butthecriticismMinajreceiveddidnotwarranttheoutragespewedbyherandThe

Barbz.


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Rest In Peace

LennyKravitz

released

his

first

album,

Let

Love

Rule,

in

1989.

Since

that

time,

the

singer,

songwriter,

andmultiinstrumentalisthasreleasedonegreatrockalbumafteranother.

Withoutadoubt,thesonofactressRoxieRokerandparttimeJazzpromoterSyKravitz,hasleftalasting

impressiononpopularmusic. AquicklookatKravitzsTwitteraccountandyoucansaythesamething

abouthisimpactonsocialmedia.

Kravitzisagoodfollow. HeTweetsregularlyandoftenattachesphotos. Hesaveryinterestingfellow

whosnotafraidtodropanameortwo

Bythe

way,

Kravitz

and

Slash

attended

Beverly

Hills

High

School

together.

WhatreallystandsoutaboutKravitzsTwitteraccountarentthetrialsandtribulationsofhiscareerbut

hispenchanttobeaharbingerofdoom.


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Forsome

reason,

Kravitz

never

lets

acelebrity

death

go

by.

ShermanHemsleydiedJuly24,2012fromcancer. TheactorisbestknownforplayingGeorge

JeffersonontheCBSsitcomTheJeffersons. Kravitzsmother,theaforementionedRoxieRoker,also

starredinthatshow. SheplayedHelenWillis.

RobinGibbpassedawayonMay20,2012. HecofoundedtheBeeGeeswithhisbrothersMauriceand

Barry. Hesuccumbedtoliverandkidneyfailure.

SinginglegendDonnaSummerlostherbattlewithlungcanceronMay17,2012. Summeriswidely

consideredtheQueenofDisco.


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MCAisthenomdeplumeofrapperandBeastieBoysfounderAdamYauch. HepassedawayonMay4,

2012attheageof47fromsalivaryglandcancer.

DonCorneliuscreatedthetelevisionshowSoulTrainandhosteditformorethan20years. He

committedsuicideonFeb.1,2012. Kravitzappearedonthemusic/danceprograminNovemberof

1991.

RapperHeavyD,whoserealnamewasDwightArringtonMyers,diedNov.9,2011fromapulmonary

embolism.

NickAshfordwasonehalfofthehusbandandwifesinging/songwritingteamAshford&Simpson. He

diedonAug.22,2011fromcomplicationsfromthroatcancer.

Thesinger,dancer,actress,andcivilrightsactivistdiedMay9,2010ofheartfailure. ThelegendaryLena

Hornewas92.


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MichaelJacksonpassedawayJune25,2009. TheKingofPopwas50yearsoldwhenhewaskilledbya

deadlycombinationofdrugs.

Kravitzdoesntkeephisobituariesconfinedtomusicians.

BoxerJoeFrazierwastheformerundisputedWorldHeavyweightChampion. KnownasSmokinJoe,

FrazierdiedNov.7,2011fromlivercancer.

PurvisYoungwasanartistwhopaintedandcreatedcollageswithfoundobjects. HediedonApril20,

2010fromcardiacarrestandpulmonaryedema.

Asyoucansee,naturaldisastersarealsoonKravitzsradar...


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Japanexperiencedanearthquake70milesoffitscoastonMarch11,2011. Itwasoneofthepowerful

earthquakeseverrecorded.

Kravitzdoesntlimithimselftosuddenandseveretragedies. Hellalsotweetsabouttheongoingplights

ofpeoplesallovertheworld.

Thereisoneupsidetothesingerspenchantforcalamity. Hesableinformhisfollowersaboutthe

healthoftheworldsmostimportantandsignificantperson

Kravitzssensitivityandcompassionaredefinitelyinharmonywithhismusic. Still,wedratherseemore

postslikethis

...orlikethis

thanlikethis


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Kravitzhas

agreat

Twitter

account

but

sometimes

it

breaks

your

heart.


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Limp Bizkit Trending WORLDWIDE!

Forwhatever

reason,

there

are

rock

bands

that

despite

having

sold

millions

of

albums

over

along

period

oftimehavepickedupawfulreputations. ThesesnakebittenactsincludeNickelback,StoneTemple

Pilots,andLimpBizit.

L.B.sfrontman,FredDurst,seemstobeokaywiththat.

InAugustof2012,DursttoldaBritishmagazinethat[LimpBizkit]wereamomentintimeanditsover.

SometookthattomeanLimpBizkithadbrokenup. Theywerefinished. Done. Kaput.

TheBritishpublicationNewMusicalExpress,orNME,ranastorywiththeheadline:FredDurst:'Limp

Bizkitisover'. Eventhoughthearticle,initsthirdparagraph,saysthebandisNOTbreakingup,people

stillthoughttheBizithadpartedways.

Durst,andfellowbandmemberWesBorland,immediatelyTweetedthatrumorsofLimpBizitsdemise

weregreatlyexaggerated.


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Meanwhile,TwitterexplodedwithLimpBizittalk. UnfortunatelyforDurstandcompany,mostofitwas

negative. Nonetheless,hekeptastiffupperlip.

Then,thebackwardsbaseballcapwearingfrontmanwentontheoffensive

ButintheverynextTweethechangedhistune

WhathappenedwasbetweenthosetwoTweetsDurstactuallyreadthearticle. Hethenrealizedthe

rumorhadstartedbecausepeopleonlyreadtheheadlinenotbecauseofNMEsshoddyreporting.

Fromthearticle:singerhassaidthatalthoughthebandarenotsplittingup,theirpopularityhas

waned.

Thefollowingday,Mr.Durstwasabletolaughaboutthewholething.


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Themoralofthestoryisquiteclear. Beforeyoustartblastingsomeoneforstartingrumorsmakesure

youreadtheentirearticle.


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My Wees Are Neak

Rockand

Roll

dates

all

the

back

to

the

1940s.

It

acquire

its

name

in

the

1950s

and

then

took

the

nation

bystormafewyearslaterwhenpeoplestarteddancingtosongslikeRockAroundtheClockand

Maybellene.

Twitterwasinventedin2006.

Aftergettingoutthesextant,abacus,andslideruler,IfiguredoutthatrockandrollpredatedTwitterby

morethanhalfcentury.

Waiting50plusyearsforamicrobloggingsitetobeestablished,classicrockersdefinitelyhadalottosay

oncetheygottheirTwitteraccounts. TheyrevolutionizedsocialmedialiketheirsongsPurpleHaze,

StairwayTo

Heaven,

and

Wont

Get

Fooled

Again

revolutionized

popular

music.

Ifonlythatweretrue.

IftheTwitteraccountsofclassicrockers(andforthesakeofthischapterImusingthetermveryloosely)

wereactuallysongstheywouldntbeRocktheCasbahandTheGreatGigIntheSkytheydbePut

YourHeadonMyShoulderandYouLightUpMyLife.

Tweetsbyclassicrockersgenerallyfallintooneoftwocategories:SnoozevilleandSleepytown.

Worseyet,manyclassicrockersuseasessionTweeter.
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/yes/Yes-Tickets.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/bob-seger/bobsegertickets.asp


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ItsnotfuntoreadsomethingthatwasobviouslywrittenbyaMagictheGatheringplayerworkingoutof

hisparents

basement.

OneofthemostcommontypesofTweetsemployedbyclassicrockersisannouncingupcominggigsor

appearances. Musiciansofallerasdothisbutnoonedoesitwiththebanalityofrockselder

statesmen

Classicrockersalsolovethegoodolddays. Whenyouvebeenaroundaslongassometheseguysand

galsyouhavealotofstoriestotell.
http://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/paulmccartney/default.asphttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/rod-stewart/Rod-Stewart-Tickets.htmhttp://www.clickitticket.com/concerts/elton-john/Elton-John-Tickets.htm


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ClassicrockersalsolovethereTweetespeciallyTomPetty. Mostofhispostsareheartbreakers

CheapTrickdoesnothingputsharelinkstopictures. Thismakestheiraccountaboutasfunasa

MidnightOilalbum

EricClaptonmightbeGodbuthisTwitteraccountisadog(seewhatwedidthere). Allhedoesispost

linkstoYouTubevideos. Worstyet,thelinksaretohisownvideosnottocutekittensoraskateboarder

landingontheircrotch


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Afew

baby

boomers

will

go

rogue

and

actually

post

whats

on

their

mind

but

these

freewheelin

Tweets

usuallyrangefromtheboring

tothereallyboring

totheboringest.

Somesoundlikeacrotchetyoldman

orasenileoldman

oradirtyoldman


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oranoldmanwhocantstoptalkingabouthismedicalproblems

Somejustsoundlikedadtryingtobefunnyonalongfamilyroadtrip

Thereareafewoldtimerswhohavebeenabletolearnnewticks. WepickedonRingoStarrearlierbut

hisTwitteraccountisnthalfbad

GeneSimmons

can

be

pithy

too.

Not

only

that,

but

Ilike

his

taste

in

television


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OneofmyfavoriteclassicrockersonTwitterisBillyIdol(ItoldyouIwasusingthetermclassicrock

loosely). HecaughtmyattentionbecausehisTweetswerelikeahistorylesson. Notanindepth

accountabouthisdayswithGenerationX,butanactualhistorylesson

TheGratefulDeadsangwhatalong,strangetripitsbeen. Thatscertainlytrueofrockandrollbut

deadwrongwhenitcomestotheirTwitteraccounts.


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Id Tap That

March26,

2012

is

aday

that

will

live

in

infamy.

ItwastheonedayMadonnaappearedonTwitter.

TheMaterialGirljoinedthemicrobloggingsitetopromoteherlatestalbum,MDNA. Needlesstosay,it

wasriveting

(that

sarcastic

quip

is

directed

at

her

Twitter

account

not

her

album).

Whatwassupposedtobejustonedayactuallyturnedintoacoupleofweeks

WhyMadonnaisntapermanentmemberoftheTwitterverseisanyonesguess. Perhapsthesocial

networkingsitegoesagainstKabbalah.

MadonnaisnotonTwitteranymorebutherheirapparent,LadyGaga,certainlyis. Gagawasthefirst

memberofourspeciestoattract20millionfollowers. ShereachedthatmarkinMarchof2012.


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Apparentlythough,

more

70

percent

of

her

followers

are

fakes.

SayingmorethantwothirdsofsomeonesTwitterfollowersarefakeislikesayingtwothirdsofBigFoot

sightingsareunreliable.

DispersionswerecastuponMotherMonstersTwitteraccountbythesocialmediacompanyStatue

People. TheyconductedastudythatrevealednearlythreeoutoffourLadyGagaTwitterfollowersare

bogus.

Evenifthatstrue,shestillhasahugeflockoffaithfulfans.

Andthosefanslovetobuythings.


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Ofcourse,allartistsuseTwittertopromotealbumsandsellconcerttickets. However,LadyGagaand

herfellowdivasusetheservicetosellanotherproductthatsnotrelatedtotheirmusicalendeavors.

AlotofdivasuseTwittertomovealotofperfume.

Itsamazinghowmanydivashavetheirownfragrance.

Ifsomeonecanfindawaytotransmitsmellovertheinternettheydmakeafortune.

WhendivasarentchirpingabouttheirlatestfragrancestheyreTweetingaboutbeingpregnant

ornotbeingpregnant


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..orbeing

pregnant

with

alien

spawn

orhownottogetpregnant

SpeakingofKe$ha,shehasquitetheinterestingTwitteraccount. Afterall,sheistomusicwhatTwitter

istoliterature.

IdhavetosaythatonTwitter,Ke$hasmostendearingqualityisherhonesty

andherabilitytobevulnerable

Andlikeallgoodmicrobloggersshehatestheundead


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Aquickaside,Ke$hacallsherfansanimals. SheisNOTazooowner.

Imentionthistosaveyouanembarrassingphonecalltothehumanesociety.

Speakingofembarrassing,whatabouttheeventrevealedinthesethreeconsecutiveDemiLovato

Tweets

ImdyingtoknowifLovatoisawareofthePaulisDeadrumor. Ifshesnotmaybetheresanewrock

androlljoketobehad. HeyDad,wasPaulMcCartneyrumoredtobedeadbeforeDemiLovatoalmost

ranhimover?

Iwouldhavekeptmybaddrivingtomyself. Iwouldhavealsokeptthis


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andthis

andthis

tomyselftoo.

Sometimesdivastrytobedeep

orwellread

ormedical

orpolitical


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Asyoucanseetheresultsvary. Bytheway,JewelisntevenclosetocorrectontheamountofU.S.debt

ownedbyChina(itsactually$1.6trillion).

Unfortunatelyforthedivas,oneoftheirownisresponsiblefortheworstTwitteraccountofalltime

(andthatssayingsomething).

.

KimberlyColereleasedherfirstalbum,BadGirlsClub,in2010. Shehasmorethanamillionandhalf

followersbutforsomereasonshepostsmoreTweetslikethis

.thanlikethis

Itslike

the

singer

and

her

people

looked

at

Lady

Gagas

Twitter

account

and

said

to

themselves

in

order

tobeaworldclasspopstaryouneedtensofmillionsoffollowers.


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Sotoaccomplishthatgoal,ColehiredamarketingguruwhosuggestedsheturnherTwitteraccountinto

LetsMakeADeal.

Coleisobviouslyrunningeverycheapployinthebooktoattractfollowers. WeallknowTwitterisa

marketingtool,butthosekindofTweetsshouldbesubtle,likethis

notlikethis

Kim,ifyouwanttensofmillionsoffollowersquitthegiveawaysandthewantafollow?stuffand

releaseahalfwaydecentalbum.


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Transparent Hypocrisy

Thefollowing

entries

from

popular

musicians

are

some

of

the

funniest

standalone

Tweets

the

internet

haseverseen. MostoftheseneednointroductionbutsinceIgetpaidbythewordtheyregoingtoget

oneanyway.

WebeginwithColinMeloyofTheDecembristswhoremindsusthatcabinisafunnyword

Sometimes,Tweetsarefunnybecauseofwhowrotethem

CantyoujusthearJessicaSimpsonsayingIloveyouWillieNelsonattheGrandOleOpry,theCMA

Awards,orhissentencinghearing?

Ke$shajustcallsthemlikesheseesthem

WherewouldachapteraboutfunnytweetsbewithoutthewitandwitticismoftheMarkTwainof

bubblegumpop,oneMs.KatyPerry


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Anothersourceofcomedyispoliicaltheory

MyfriendsandIalwaysargueoverwhichisworsetransparenthypocrisyoropaquehypocrisy.

ThankheavensIfinallyhavesomeoneonmysideofthedebate.

Sometimesrockstarsbreakdownthedifferencesbetweenthesexes

Whileotherssettherecordstraightonfashion

EveryonceinawhileamusicianwillTweetsomethingthatsintentionallyamusing

butmostofthetimetheyTweetsomethingthatsaccidentlyfunny. OnceagainwegotoMeloy


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OfcoursewegetyouColinbecausePaulcouldntplayaninstrument,sing,writesongs,andhewasugly.

Youretotallyright,PaulMcCartneywouldhavebeennothingwithoutJohnLennon. Hilarious.

Ifyoureabigsuperstaryoucanhavepeoplewritejokesforyou. CheckoutthisjestfromtheBiebs

Ha!Ha!Ha! LikethereareladiesinIdaho! Ah,JustinyourCanadiansenseofhumorkillsme.

Humorousstoriesareanothergoodsourceofhumor. Thisismyfavorite

OurlaststandaloneTweetisfunnyforseveralreasons,mostnotablyforitscolorfulspellingandthefact

thatshewas19yearsoldwhenshewroteit


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WE WORK HARD

Twittershould

be

ano

brainer

for

Justin

Bieber.

Having

been

born

in

1994,

The

Biebs

is

the

perfect

age

forthemircobloggingsite. Infact,heprobablycantrememberatimewhentherewasntsocialmedia.

YoudthinkhisentireTwitteraccountwouldreadlikeadiarybelongingtoyourtypicalhormonedriven

teenagerwhohasmoremoneythanGod.

WhiletheBiebshasafewtweetsthatseemtocomefromthemindofahornyadolescent,themajority

ofhisaccountcouldhavebeenwrittenbyTonyRobbins.

Amazingly,theteenheartthrobpostsoneplatitudefilledTweetafteranother


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ImsureIspeakforeveryonewhenIwritethatthebestsourcesofinspirationarealwaysinsanely

successfulsingerswhowerediscoveredonYouTubeattheageof14andwhoreleasedtheirfirstalbum

attheageof15.

Afterall,Bieberstruggledformonthsbeforehittingthebigtime. Hismeteoriticclimbupthestepladder

ofsuccesshasdefinitelyprovidedhimwiththewisdomandpatiencetomentortheworld

Whenhesnotencouragingotherstoreachtheirgoals,hestoutingthemeritsofhardwork. Thismakes

perfectsensesinceteenagersareknownfortheirworkethic.

IdontdoubtthatBieberworkshardandthathesearnedallofhissuccess. Hesverytalentedtoo. But

thekidgotreallyluckyandIquestionifhestheidealcandidatetospewadviceonlifeandcareer.

Thenagain,ifyourehisagemaybehisattitudeandambitionareinspirational.


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Afterall,hisTwitteraccountisfarmorepertinentandmaturethanthosebelongingtohisfellow

teenagers(andfellowpopstarsforthatmatter).

IfullyadmitthatifTwitterhadbeenaroundwhenIwashisagemypostswouldnthavebeenoptimistic

butsnide,snarky,andfullofwaytoomanyBaywatchrelatedhashtags.

IdjustliketoseethekidpostmoreTweetslikethis

thenlikethis

Bottomline,IbelieveBiebershouldTweetlikeateenagerandnotlikea40yearoldlifecoach.


43/63


Love You Scary

Loveis

one

of

the

most

frequently

used

words

in

popular

music.

From

Puppy

Love

to

Love

Hurts

theemotionhasbeentheinspirationforthousandsofsongs.

Incommonspeech,loveisoftenusedasaverbtoexpressahighlevelofattraction. Forexample,I

LOVEthedidgeridoo, ILOVEaccordionmusic,ILOVESeanCombsnewnickname.

ItsonlylogicalthatthewordlovewouldfinditswayontoTwitter. Whilealotoffamoussingersused

thewordintheirTweets,asbothaverbandanoun,nooneusesitmorethanMileyCyrus.

Ihaventcountedthenumberoftimesshehasusedthewordlove

oritsalternativespelling

orthe

heart

symbol

onTwitter,butsufficetosayitsalot.


44/63


Frommy

extensive

reading

of

hundreds

of

Twitter

accounts

Ican

say

with

confidence

that

no

one

uses

thewordlovemorethanMiley.

Sheusesittodescribeeverything. Fromherfondnessformusicvideos

tomanufacturedgirlgroups

toherfavoritedayoftheweek.

IthinkitssafetosayMileyRayCyruslovesthewordlove.

WhyisMileysoinfatuatedwithlove?


45/63


Coulditbebecauseshefrequentlysingsaboutlove?

Idontknow. ThatswhyImasking. Doesshesingalotaboutlove? Ihavenoidea. Likemostpeople

oldenoughtorememberatimewhenMTVplayedmusicvideosIveneveractuallyheardaMileyCyrus

song.

Obviously,noteveryMileyTweetmentionsamore

Butthe

overwhelming

majority

of

her

posts

do.

WhatwedoknowforcertainisMileyloveslovebutshehateslike.


46/63


The Friendliest Flower

IusedtothinkKatyPerrywasjustapopstarwithaslightfetishforBritishguys. ThenIstartedreading

herTweets. IquicklyrealizedthattheIKissedAGirlsingerismuchmorethananentertainer. Shes

alsoaphilosopher.

Perrymaynotdisplayherkeenphilosophicalinsightsinthelyricsofhersongsbutshecertainlydoeson

Twitter.

In140charactersorless,Perryfrequentlyflexeshermentalmusclesandprovesshesoneofher

generationsbest

thinker

peoples

Perrynot

only

teaches

with

her

cerebral

opines,

she

makes

you

think...

Imeanreallythink

Perryseruditepredilectionsincludeworkinexistentialism


47/63


epistemology

andromanticcomedies

OnTwitter,Perrynotonlywaxesphilosophicallybutsheasksthedifficultquestions. Questionsthat

have

befuddled

the

brightest

intellects

andperplexedtheacumenoftodaysswiftestgeniuses

KatyPerrys2010album,TeenageDream,producedfivenumberonesingles"CaliforniaGurls",

"TeenageDream","Firework","E.T."and"LastFridayNight(T.G.I.F.). Theonlyotheralbumtoachieve

thisfeatwasMichaelJacksonsBad. AsgreatasPerrysalbumis,itsstillnotasthoughtprovokingas

or

Ergo,wecansaybeyondashadowofadoubtthatKatherynElizabethHudsonismuchbetteratmind

thinkingthantherestofus


48/63


Touch,KatyPerry. Touch.


49/63


Smiling To A Racist Man

50Cents

twitter

account

could

have

gone

one

of

two

ways.

Itcouldhavegoneverydark. Afterall,50Centsmotherdiedwhenhewasveryyoung. Heusedtosell

drugs. AndhesbeeninfeudswithabunchofrappersincludingNas,RickRoss,andTheGame.

Oritcouldhavegoneverypositive. Afterall,50CentescapedthetoughneighborhoodofSouthJamaica

tobecomeasuccessfulrapper,actor,andbusinessman. Healsoskirteddeath. OnMay24,2000he

wasshotninetimes,onceintheface,andlived. Abrushwithdeathcanchangeaman.

Sowhatdirectionhas50CentsTwitteraccounttaken,thehatefulandangrypathortheupliftingand

inspirationalroute?

Itmayseemcounterintuitivetoallthehatersouttherebut50Cent,whooncereleasedasongtitledIllStillKill,hasthefeelgoodTwitteraccountoftheyear.

OnTwitter,50Centisabonafidegangster. HestheGodfatherofamobcalled#SMILEGANG.

50Cents#SMILEGANGmakestheJetsandSharksfromWestSideStorylookliketheBloodandCrips.

Iwonderifitssmileinandsmileout?


50/63


Itscertainlyanicesentiment. Weneedmoresmilingintheworld.

Manyofhisfollowershavejoinedhis#SMILEGANG. HereareafewTweetsfromhisacolytes

Still,50Centisarapperandeveryonceinawhile,inbetween#SMILEGANGTweets,youllfind

somethinglikethis

Theotherinterestingaspectof50CentsTwitteraccountishisuseofmultipleTweetstotellastory


51/63


Heresanotheronethatsalittlehardertofollowbutthatsprobablyagoodthing


52/63


Regardlessofhowmuch,orhowlittle,youenjoy50CentsmusicfollowinghimonTwitterissureto

makeyoursmile.


53/63


The Importance of World Water Day

Formore

than

adecade,

singer

Mandy

Moore

has

entertained

millions

of

fans

with

songs

like

and

andthentherestheslowone

Okay,IcantnameasingleMandyMooresongoranyofhersixalbums. IfIhadtoguessIdsayoneis

calledManyMooresincealmosteveryartisthasatleastoneselftitledrelease.

Moores

greatest

musical

achievement

is

marrying

Ryan

Adams.

Hes

one

of

his

generations

greatest

talents.

MooresgreatestsocialnetworkingachievementishavingtheworldsmostbombasticTwitteraccount.

IntheTwitterverse,theAmericanpopsingercomesacrosslikeapretentioustwit.

Therearegoingtobealotofcausesandcharitiesmentionedinthischapter. InnowayamIdispariging

thoseorganizations,theworktheydo,orthepeopletheyhelp. Also,celebritiesmentioncharitiesall

thetimeandthatsfine. WhatImsaying,andwhatyoullcometorealizeasthischapterprogresses,is

Mooredoesitinawaythatmakesyourollyoureyes.

MandyMooresTwitteraccountisthesocialmediaequivelentofplacingtheNewYorkerand

ArchitecturalDigestonyourcoffeetableeventhoughyoureadUSWeeklyandPeopleinthecan.


54/63


IvenevermetMandyMoore. ShecouldbearealdowntoEarthwoman,butherTweetsareas

ostentatiousasRadioheadrecordingsession.

Again,alotofsingersmentioncharities,buttheydosoinawaythatsendearing. WhenMoore

mentionsacharity

or

cause

its

like

shes

that

blonde

student

from

the

NBC

sitcom

Community.

NotallofMooresTweetsarerelatedtoaltruism...

butmostofthemare

EvenwhensheTweetsabouttelevisionshesselfaggrandizing


55/63


MandyMoorewasbornin1984. Shewontbeoldenoughtoevenwatch60Minutesuntil2044.

Homeland? Really? WasDowntownAbbeynotavailableonNetflixthatday?

NooneactuallywatchesHomelandespeciallywhentheyresick. ComeonM.M.justadmitit. Youwere

catchinguponDropDeadDivaandwatchingsomethingwiththewordsTheRealHousewivesofin

thetitle.

SheevensoundspretentiouswhenTweetingaboutmusic

Notonly

does

Mandy

mention

an

obscure

Drive

By

Truckers

song

but

she

does

so

without

naming

the

band. ItslikewereautomaticallysupposedtoknowwhorecordedDanko/Manuel.


56/63


TheaboveTweetisthefirsttimeanyoneintheWesternworldhasusedthewordsjamandJoni

Mitchellinthesamesentence.

ImsureMandyisdoinggreatcharityworkeventhoughsomeofhercausesarebitoutthere

ThepercentageoftheEarthcoveredinwateris70.9. Isshetryingforaneven71?

LeaveittoMandyMooretomakeprosaicholidayssoundhaughty

AquickMandyMooreimpersonation:EnjoytheSuperBowlandsupportyourfavoriteteambyhelping

topreventwhoopingcough.

SomeoneneedstotellMoorethatitsokaytomentioncharitiesbutitsalittleuncouthtomentionyour

charitableworks.


57/63


Charitableworksarelikeattendingaprofessionalwrestlingevent. Itsokaytogobutyoushouldnever

talkaboutitunlesssomeonebringsitupfirst.

HerTwitter

account

isnt

all

bad.

She

is

afan

of

UFC.

IwishshedTweetmoreaboutmixmartialarts. Shesquiteknowledgeableonthesubject.

Notonlythat,butTweetingaboutafightersgroundgamemakesheraccountfarmoreinterestingthan

stufflikethis

WhileIseemtobelayingitonratherthick,IshouldprobablydisclosethattheonlycharitablethingIdo

onadailybasisisputondeodorant.


58/63


Onceagain,

her

charities

are

great

and

kudos

to

her

for

being

such

an

active

activist.

However,

if

youre

apoporrockstarandyouwanttotalkaboutyoursocialworkonasocialnetwork

Ihighlyrecommend

youleaveittotheprofessionals.


59/63


P.S. Im FINE

TaylorSwifts

Twitter

account

is

quite

unique.

LikeJustinBieber,SwiftistheperfectageforTwitterbutyoucanttellbyreadingherposts.

Okay,maybenotthatone. TheaboveTweetisexactlywhatyoudexpectfromayouthfulsongstress

withtheworldinthepalmofhersupplehand. However,manyofherTweetsreadlikeanepistolary

novel.

ForsomereasonherTweetshavethesamelyricalqualityasthelettersinaJaneAustennovel.

Itdoesnt

take

much

imagination

to

turn

Taylor

into

acharacter

from

Pride

and

Prejudice.

CantyoujustpicturethestatuesqueblondesittingatawritingtableinsideacharmingEnglishmanor?


60/63


Withquill

pen

in

hand

our

heroine

writes

aletter

to

adear

friend

while

someone

sounding

alot

like

EmmaThompsonnarrates

Iforonehavetofighttheurgetorespond.

DearestTaylor:veryhappytohearofyourpleasanttravels.Ilookforwardtoseeinguinafortnight.Wellhavetea&biscuits.BTW,Fearlessrocks.Goodnight.

DearestTaylor:gladtoreadyourtimeinNewSouthWalesisgoingswimmingly.HopeUcanreturn2NetherfieldParksoon. MrBingley2throwparty#Pemberley


61/63


DearestTaylor:ThrilledbeyondbeliefyouperformedwithMr.Nelly. Hesanexquisitegentleman.Mumsendsherluv@LadyCatherinethanxforbangers&mash

Sorry,Imseekingpsychiatrichelpaswespeak.

Youhave

to

admit

that

the

Love

Story

singer

has

adistinctive

and

charming

cadence

to

her

Tweets.

Withjustalittleimagination,TaylorsTweets,whichareproductsofthe21stcentury,cansoundlike

lettersfromthe19th.


62/63


Roach Hotel California

Wellgive

Weird

Al

Yankovic

the

last

word

on

pop

and

rock

stars

on

Twitter.

Before

we

do,

lets

give

thecrownprinceofparodyachancetoriffonrockandroll

Okay,hereitis. TheverylastTweetofthebook.


63/63

WhenitcomestopopularmusiciansTweetingtheirmostintimateandmundanethoughtswethink

WeirdAlsumsitupbest

Amentothat.

Why Pop and Rock Artists Should Not Use Twitter eBook

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