Whitman Pioneer Fall 2011 Issue 10 Backpage
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NOV 10 2011 PAGE 8 BACKPAGE It’s about that time of year when you’ve spent a solid amount of time with your new housemates. And now that you have a handle on their behaviors, you can start developing peeves which will haunt you for at least the rest of the semester. Here is a breakdown of things you may have noticed that you like or dislike about your current housemates. Likes: • They bake cookies. • They drive you to the grocery store/to get fro- yo. • Their pot brownies stink up the kitchen. • They have house parties you’re automatically invited to. • They watch football and drink beer with you at 10 a.m. on a Sunday. • Their leftovers in fridge = good for drunchies. Dislikes: • They don’t put their recycling in the recycling bin. • They leave passive-aggressive notes of things you need to do. • They leave a mess. In your room. • They forget to flush while you are on a Winter OP trip for the weekend and then the bathroom smells funny. • Their pot brownies stink up the kitchen. • Their loud friends come over and take over your living room. • They talk about squirrels. Every day. Housemates: Heaven or hell From fly to fugly: The Backpage style guide Good Style Fifi von Grotenboten is known around campus for her razor-sharp style. “I had this jacket made at a custom leather shop in Milan. I hand-picked the cow,” she boasts proudly in her trademark “trumpet with a stuffy nose” voice. “The top is made out of old curtains stolen from the palace of Versailles, and the miniskirt was a gift—from Madonna.” When asked about her cutting- edge boots, she looks slightly away. “I got them at, uh, Goodwill,” she says. I note that neither boot has a single scuff; they’re obviously brand-new. “Okay. OKAY!” she says. “I got them at Nordstrom, but you can’t be a real campus style icon unless you find something implausibly fashionable at Goodwill!” Bursting into tears, she runs off. Neutral Style “So, um, how long exactly is this gonna take, because I have lab in a couple of minutes, and I promised my partner I’d be there on time,” is the opening remark of Hector Clemons. Upon being asked to elaborate on his personal style, he gives me a look that can only be described as “quizzical.” I ask him to describe what he’s wearing and where he bought the various elements of his outfit. “Um, ok, well, I am wearing some tennis shoes from . . . somewhere . . . and some regular jeans, I guess, that I think my mom bought for me . . . uuhhhh . . . and I’m pretty sure I got this shirt at Goodwill or something. Oh, sorry, it’s a blue shirt.” He doesn’t seem impressed when I tell him he made a great thrift-store find. “Oh, um, thanks. I’m gonna go to lab now. Thanks. Um, bye.” Bad Style Wingdum Hasselbrand peers down at me from the tree in which he is perched. “Ba-GAAAAAWK,” he says in what is actually a pretty remarkable impersonation of a chicken. Upon being asked to describe his getup and how he composed it, he switches to his native tongue. “I’m wearing a pair of mini- lederhosen stolen off the back of a rare German leprechaun on my recent vacation to Sweden,” he says. “I am also wearing a cummerbund, an eye patch and a raincoat. I am currently barefoot.” When I ask him where he got these items, he looks at me as if he doubts my sanity. “A secret agent, a pirate, and Goodwill. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to ask these guys an urgent question.” And, switching back to chicken, he stealthily approaches a squirrel. Ice Fishing Ever take a gander at those old men sitting on the middle of a lake for hours, fishing through a miniscule hole in the ice? Well, now you can be one of them by coming on a two-day excursion to Moses Lake, where the main activity will be sitting on little chairs. This trip is perfect for those who need a bit of relaxing and who don’t mind staring at a four-inch hole in ice, looking for piscine creatures all day. After-sunset activities include campfire games and sleeping on the perimeter of the lake in tents. Trail Maintenance . . . in the snow! This five-day trip combines community service with some quality backpacking. The mosquitoes that can sometimes plague the Wallowas will not be there—although a breezy, icy chill will! We will cover three miles a day, removing great amounts of snow and reinforcing the outline of a trail that badly needs reconstruction. Bring snowshoes—the snow can be deep in some places. What’s even more fun than crossing the snow is moving three- feet-deep drifts out of the way! Come on this trip if you’re ripped, or want to be that way after five days of lifting snow. Igloo Campout Sure, camping in tents is fun, but igloos are quite supreme, especially when you have to build them yourself! Over four days, we will construct a variety of different igloo styles as we walk a total of 10 miles up Ross Lake and 10 miles back down. The soreness caused by the mileage will be alleviated by the warm, homey comforts of an igloo. What could be better than averaging five miles a day, then collecting almost a ton of snow to use in an igloo? Rock Climbing . . . on ice! There are few activities Whitties love more than rock climbing. Luckily, now there’s a winter version. Don’t forget to bring your gloves! The added twist is the chill of pure ice on your hands, and, man, can it get slippery. This trip is three days of harrowing, slippery climbing. What can be more fun than sliding down the side of Smith Rock, only to be caught seconds later by your safely secured harness? No rock climbing experience required, but bring some sap if you don’t enjoy those slippery slides down. Search for Bigfoot This five-day extended backpacking trip in the Blue Mountains has one main goal: finding Sasquatch. Moving through 15 miles of snow will hopefully result in running into this mystical, magical and super fantastical beast. Bring your cameras, for this is a sight to behold. Nothing, not even wet, heavy snow and freezing temperatures can get in the way of observing the coolest creature ever!! ILLUSTRATION BY “BACKPAGE” JOHNSON Comic by Julie “Backpage” Peterson Letter by The Puzzle Slut ADVERTISEMENT Comic by Tabor “Backpage” Martinsen V E V G B S W S Q S B A Z X O R W V M H B R E A K F A S T Z W U D W S Q K I G R W B C J N A X Y I N V P H E M Q S Q U T I C K B F S G I L J J E L U Y L Q U O I I L N J V F L H N L O H G B C C H Y N E J D T H M G T A C O I H B J O Q O V D R N S I W O L X K F P E O T H L O S S W W Y H E Y T M N X M S M K A O O V R R M T Q N I O I C F B R I N D I A F P A B Z X E S A R G I D R A M Q I J X R T U L B U A D X V E O S C D E F S E S O Z D B Q C X A Q I X INDIA SICILY BREAKFAST MARDIGRAS TACO BOWL MEXICO ASIA ASIANNOODLES MONGOLIA Hey. Halfway past last week’s apathy. Successful puzzle. No feeling like writing. —Adam “Neandershort” Brayton Puzzle: Taste of Bon Appétit
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The humor section
Transcript of Whitman Pioneer Fall 2011 Issue 10 Backpage
Nov
102011
PAGE
8BACKPAGE
It’s about that time of year when you’ve spent a solid amount of time with your new housemates. And now that you have a handle on their behaviors, you can start developing peeves which will haunt you for at least the rest of the semester. Here is a breakdown of things you may have noticed that you like or dislike about your current housemates.
Likes:• They bake cookies.• They drive you to the grocery store/to get fro-
yo.• Their pot brownies stink up the kitchen.• They have house parties you’re automatically
invited to.• They watch football and drink beer with you at
10 a.m. on a Sunday.• Their leftovers in fridge = good for drunchies.
Dislikes:• They don’t put their recycling in the recycling
bin.• They leave passive-aggressive notes of things
you need to do.• They leave a mess. In your room.• TheyforgettoflushwhileyouareonaWinter
OP trip for the weekend and then the bathroom smells funny.
• Their pot brownies stink up the kitchen.• Their loud friends come over and take over
your living room.• They talk about squirrels. Every day.
Housemates: Heaven or hell
From fly to fugly: The Backpage style guideGood Style
Fifi von Grotenboten is known around campus for her razor-sharp style. “I had this jacket made at a custom leather shop in Milan. I hand-picked the cow,” she boasts proudly in her trademark “trumpet with a stuffy nose” voice. “The top is made out of old curtains stolen from the palace of Versailles, and the miniskirt was a gift—from Madonna.” When asked about her cutting-edge boots, she looks slightly away. “I got them at, uh, Goodwill,” she says. I note that neither boot has a single scuff; they’re obviously brand-new. “Okay. OKAY!” she says. “I got them at Nordstrom, but you can’t be a real campus style icon unless you find something implausibly fashionable at Goodwill!” Bursting into tears, she runs off. Neutral Style
“So, um, how long exactly is this gonna take, because I have lab in a couple of minutes, and I promised my partner I’d be there on time,” is the opening remark of Hector Clemons. Upon being asked to elaborate on his personal style, he gives me a look that can only be described as “quizzical.” I ask him to describe what he’s wearing and where he bought the various elements of his outfit. “Um, ok, well, I am wearing some tennis shoes from . . . somewhere . . . and some regular jeans, I guess, that I think my mom bought for me . . . uuhhhh . . . and I’m pretty sure I got this shirt at Goodwill or something. Oh, sorry, it’s a blue shirt.” He doesn’t seem impressed when I tell him he made a great thrift-store find. “Oh, um, thanks. I’m gonna go to lab now. Thanks. Um, bye.”
Bad StyleWingdum Hasselbrand peers down at me from the tree in which he is
perched. “Ba-GAAAAAWK,” he says in what is actually a pretty remarkable impersonation of a chicken. Upon being asked to describe his getup and how he composed it, he switches to his native tongue. “I’m wearing a pair of mini-lederhosen stolen off the back of a rare German leprechaun on my recent vacation to Sweden,” he says. “I am also wearing a cummerbund, an eye patch and a raincoat. I am currently barefoot.” When I ask him where he got these items, he looks at me as if he doubts my sanity. “A secret agent, a pirate, and Goodwill. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to ask these guys an urgent question.” And, switching back to chicken, he stealthily approaches a squirrel.
Ice FishingEver take a gander at those old men sitting on the middle of a lake for hours, fishing through a
miniscule hole in the ice? Well, now you can be one of them by coming on a two-day excursion to Moses Lake, where the main activity will be sitting on little chairs. This trip is perfect for those who need a bit of relaxing and who don’t mind staring at a four-inch hole in ice, looking for piscine creatures all day. After-sunset activities include campfire games and sleeping on the perimeter of the lake in tents.
Trail Maintenance . . . in the snow!This five-day trip combines community service with some quality backpacking. The mosquitoes that can
sometimes plague the Wallowas will not be there—although a breezy, icy chill will! We will cover three miles a day, removing great amounts of snow and reinforcing the outline of a trail that badly needs reconstruction. Bring snowshoes—the snow can be deep in some places. What’s even more fun than crossing the snow is moving three-feet-deep drifts out of the way! Come on this trip if you’re ripped, or want to be that way after five days of lifting snow.
Igloo CampoutSure, camping in tents is fun, but igloos are quite supreme, especially when you have to build them yourself!
Over four days, we will construct a variety of different igloo styles as we walk a total of 10 miles up Ross Lake and 10 miles back down. The soreness caused by the mileage will be alleviated by the warm, homey comforts of an igloo. What could be better than averaging five miles a day, then collecting almost a ton of snow to use in an igloo?
Rock Climbing . . . on ice!There are few activities Whitties love more than rock climbing. Luckily, now there’s a winter
version. Don’t forget to bring your gloves! The added twist is the chill of pure ice on your hands, and, man, can it get slippery. This trip is three days of harrowing, slippery climbing. What can be more fun than sliding down the side of Smith Rock, only to be caught seconds later by your safely secured harness? No rock climbing experience required, but bring some sap if you don’t enjoy those slippery slides down.
Search for BigfootThis five-day extended backpacking trip in the Blue Mountains has one main goal: finding
Sasquatch. Moving through 15 miles of snow will hopefully result in running into this mystical, magical and super fantastical beast. Bring your cameras, for this is a sight to behold. Nothing, not even wet, heavy snow and freezing temperatures can get in the way of observing the coolest creature ever!! ILLUSTRATION BY “BACKPAGE” JOHNSON
Comic by Julie “Backpage” Peterson
Letter by The Puzzle Slut
ADVERTISEMENT
Comic by Tabor “Backpage” Martinsen
V E V G B S W S Q S B A Z X O R W V M H B R E A K F A S T Z W U D W S Q K I G R W B C J N A X Y I N V P H E M Q S Q U T I C K B F S G I L J J E L U Y L Q U O I I L N J V F L H N L O H G B C C H Y N E J D T H M G T A C O I H B J O Q O V D R N S I W O L X K F P E O T H L O S S W W Y H E Y T M N X M S M K A O O V R R M T Q N I O I C F B R I N D I A F P A B Z X E S A R G I D R A M Q I J X R T U L B U A D X V E O S C D E F S E S O Z D B Q C X A Q I X
INDIASICILYBREAKFASTMARDIGRASTACO
BOWLMEXICOASIAASIANNOODLESMONGOLIA
Hey.Halfway past last week’s apathy. Successful puzzle. No feeling like writing.—Adam “Neandershort” Brayton
Puzzle: Taste of Bon Appétit
