When to Mentor, How to

Coach and Understanding

the Difference

A session presented by:

M. Edel Toner-Rogala, Joint Manager

North Central and North East Library Federations

at the 2017 Beyond Hope Conference

held in Prince George BC on Monday, June 12, 2017

By the end of this session we will

have….

Considered what the literature has to say about the

differences between mentoring and coaching;

Identified when mentoring might be appropriate; and

Explored what we believe to be the essential skills for

effective coaching in the workplace.

Disclaimer!

What are the differences? Most of the

literature says….

Mentor Coach

Focus Individual Performance

Role Facilitator with no agenda Specific agenda

Relationship Self selecting Comes with the job

Source of influence Perceived value Position

Personal returns Affirmation/learning Teamwork/performance

Arena Life Task related

Focus

Mentors in either a formal mentoring program or informal relationship focus on the

person, their career and support for individual growth and maturity while the coach

is job-focused and performance oriented.

Coaches direct a person to some end result, the person may choose how to get

there, but the coach is strategically assessing and monitoring the progress and

giving advice for effectiveness and efficiency.

Mentoring is biased in your favor. Coaching is impartial, focused on

improvement in behavior.

The mentor has a deep personal interest, personally involved—a friend who cares

about you and your long term development. The coach develops specific skills for

the task, challenges and performance expectations at work.

Role

Mentoring is a power free, two-way mutually beneficial

relationship. Mentors are facilitators and teachers allowing the

partners to discover their own direction.

A coach has a set agenda to reinforce or change skills and

behaviors. The coach has an objective/goals for each

discussion.

Relationship

Even in formal mentoring programs the partners and mentor have

choices—to continue, how long, how often, and the focus. Self-

selection is the rule in informal mentoring relationships with the

partners initiating and actively maintaining the relationship. If I’m you

mentor, you probably picked me.

In an organization your coach most likely hired you. Coaching

comes with the job, a job expectation, and in some organizations

coaching is a defined competency for managers and leaders.

Source of Influence

Interpersonal skills will determine the effectiveness of influence

for both coach and mentor. The coach has an implied or

actual level of authority by nature of their position, ultimately

they can insist on compliance. A mentor’s influence is

proportionate to the perceive value they can bring to the

relationship.

It is a power free relationship based on mutual respect and value

for both mentor and partners. Your job description might contain

"coach" or you might even have that job title—it’s just a label or

expectation. "Mentor" is a reputation that has to be personally

earned, you are not a mentor until the partner says you are.

Personal Returns

The coach’s returns are in the form of more team

harmony, and job performance. The mentoring

relationship is reciprocal.

There is a learning process for the mentor from the

feedback and insights of the partners. The relationship

is a vehicle to affirm the value of and satisfaction from

fulfilling a role as helper and developer of others.

Mentors need not be an all-knowing expert—such a

position could be detrimental. The most significant thing a

mentor can do is listen and understand and build

confidence and trust in the person being mentored,

empowering that person to see what they can do.

Arena

If I am your mentor, chances are you have chosen me to be

of help with some aspect of your life.

Coaching is task related—improvement of knowledge, skills

or abilities to better perform a given task.

Mentors are sought for broader life and career issues. The

partners is proactive in seeking out mentors and keeping the

relationship productive.

The coach creates the need for discussion and is

responsible for follow up and holding others accountable.

The GROW Coaching Model

1. Goal

What do you want to achieve?

What is the ideal?

What are your objectives?

2. Reality

Where are you now?

What is the reality?

Ask for self-assessment

Get feedback

GROW Model (continued)

3. Options

What can you do to bridge the gap?

What are the options?

Who can help you?

What do you need?

Brainstorm

4. Way Forward

What are the actions?

Commit to Action

What are the steps/

Timing and Action Plan

Preparing to coach

Be clear about what are the issues and what is needed

(objectives).

Mentally rehearse a planned coaching session but always be

ready to adapt your approach.

Start sessions positively and treat the coachee as an equal.

Emphasize your intent to support the coachee in solving

problems.

Selecting a coaching style

Push & Pull

Push: The coach does most of the talking, guiding and

explaining.

Pull: The coachee does most of the talking and the coach does

the listening with little guidance.

A good coach can move back and forth from push to pull as

needed. Some people need to be pushed and guided more that

others, but you want to transition them from push to pull. The

goal is to move the coachee from needing a lot of direction

and coaching to needing very little.

Making coaching work

Do not try to be perfect. Be realistic.

Help your coachee create a plan and then work with them to monitor and adjust the plan as necessary.

Treat achievements as stepping stones to future success.

Treat setbacks as lessons to be learned from, and then move on.

At meetings, stick to the agenda, while encouraging suggestions.

Following up

Ask what have you learned.

Keep spaces in your calendar so that you are able to give

extra coaching if necessary.

Encourage your coachee to coach others.

How to listen well…

Let go of multitasking. Take a breath and put your attention over on the

person speaking.

Let go of judgement and your need to problem-solve. Put your

attention on the person speaking and not on the problem.

If you are having trouble concentrating, repeat the words the other

person is saying silently in your mind as they are saying them. This

helps bring focus.

It’s not just listening with your ears. We need to listen for the space

between words.

Ask curious, open-ended questions. What’s important to you? What’s

next?

When they are done thank them for sharing with you. It can remind a

person that what they say matters, that they matter.

Managing failure

Different people react to failure in different ways…

Some quit after just one failure. Unable to rise from the failure

they scale down their dreams

Others fail and fail again but keep going never compromising

on the objectives

Failure makes some people more determined to overcome

their failures.

A good coach sees failures as tools for learning and can teach

people how to handle failure creatively. (AND WHAT THE HECK

DOES THAT MEAN?!?)

Helping others deal with failure

Encourage them to:

Change their beliefs about failure – failure is only the means

by which we become successful

Not take failure personally – it’s about trail and error, not them

personally

Express their emotions – which is different from sulking about

things

Think forward – look at the failure objectively, assess what

they’ve learned and then quickly refocus their time and

energy on the next objective

MOST IMPORTANTLY, share your own experience(s) with

failure…

The literature says that…

Coaching and Mentoring are not the same thing…

If I am your coach, you probably work for me and my

concern is your performance, ability to adapt to change, and

enrolling your support in the vision/direction for our work unit.

My primary focus will be on task and performance.

If I am your mentor, you have invited me to take on that role

because you perceive some value in what I can bring to the

relationship. My primary focus will be to build capacity and

help you discover your own wisdom.

What do you say?

Think about the people in your life who have recognized your

potential and used their talents to help you discover and shape

your own…

What sets them apart? What qualities do they possess?

Working in groups of three, develop a list of your top three

qualities… Be prepared to share with the larger group…

This is what you said at the session on 2017

June 12 about the qualities of a great

coach/mentor Patience

Intuition

Observation (connected with validating and respectful listening –

ET-R’s comment about the importance of the impersonal)

Positive attitude

Genuine interest – generating feelings of being valued and trusted

Confidence and self-confident enough to be interested in others’

success

Sincere compassion (not rout or manipulative) – sincerity with

compassion – sincerely compassionate

What you said (continued)

Empowering – giving people the space, opportunity and the power

to solve problems on their own

Validating – respectful listening

Generous with their time and their experience

Encouraging you to expand your horizons and embrace your

potential

Listening and then giving feedback

Experienced/having “street cred”

Recognizing potential when you don’t recognize it in yourself or

didn’t think others saw it – encouraging

Willingness to allow (risk) experimentation and failure

Someone who loves what they do

What you said (continued 2)

Sounding board

Ability to see the big picture

Supporting self-discovery – asking the right questions

Non-judgemental

Respectful

Ability to encourage you to build on what you already know

Treat others as equal and listens with respect

Inspiring Mentors, Effective Coaches,

Successful Accountability Partners?

Or…

The Co-Active Model: A different

approach, for the 21st centuryThe four cornerstones of co-active coaching:

The coachee is naturally creative, resourceful and whole. The coach does

not have the answers, the coach has the questions.

Co-Active coaching addresses the coachee’s whole life. The coaching

focuses on the principles of fulfillment, balance and process.

The agenda comes from the coachee. The focus is on the coachee getting

the results they want.

The relationship is a designed alliance. Working together the coach and

coachee tailor coaching to take into account the coachee’s working and

learning styles and to build a relationship that works best for them. This

process is one of mutual respect.

Moving out of “either/or” into “yes/and” …

Time for a few last questions

and comments…

Thank you!

Resources

15 Qualities of a Good Coach in the Workplace. (No Date). Retrieved from

http://www.csp.com/15-qualities-of-a-good-coach-in-the-workplace/#.WThvp2jyvIU

Gandhi, Rohit. (2011, September 12). Mentoring. Retrieved from

https://www.slideshare.net/rohitfun1/mentoring-ppt

Henry, Todd (2015, September 28). Failure is Inevitable: What matters is how you deal with it.

Retrieved from http://www.accidentalcreative.com/mindset/what-resilient-people-do-when-they-

fail/

Kimsey, House, Karen. (No Date). Disrupt Your Life in a Good Way; Part 6: Learn to Listen

Well… Newsflash: It’s Not about the words. [Blog post]. Retrieved from

http://www.coactive.com/community/disrupt-your-life-in-a-good-way/part-6-learn-to-listen-well-

newsflash-its-not-about-the-words

Kimsey-House, Henry, Kimsey-House, Karen, Sandahl, Phillip and Whitworth, Laura. (2011).

Co-Active Coaching: Changing Business, Transforming Lives (3rd ed.) Boston, MA; Nicholas

Brealey. .

Posner, Leslie. (May 5, 2003). Co-active Coaching Model. Retrieved from http://www.pure-

coaching.com/docs/Co-Activecoaching.pdf

Radwan, M. Farouk. (No Date). How to deal with failure. Retrieved from

http://www.2knowmyself.com/how_to_deal_with_failure

Raj, Anish. (2013, September 15). Coaching and Mentoring. Retrieved from

https://www.slideshare.net/AnishRaj3/coaching-and-mentoring-hrm

Starcevich, Matt M. (No Date). Coach, Mentor: Is there a difference? Retrieved from

http://www.coachingandmentoring.com/Articles/mentoring.html

Webster, Martin. (No Date). The Difference Between Coaching and Mentoring. Retrieved from

https://www.leadershipthoughts.com/difference-between-coaching-and-mentoring/

Whitmore, John. (2009). Coaching for Performance: GROWing Human Potential and Purpose:

The Principles and Practice of Coaching and Leadership (4th ed.). Boston, MA: Nicholas Brealey.

If you’d like to speak with me about this session or have a question, a challenge or an opportunity you’d like to chat with me about…

Edel Toner-Rogala, Joint Manager, North Central and North East Library Federation etoner-rogala@ncel.ca or etoner-rogala@nelf.ca1-888-387-8772

Or

Edel Toner-Rogala, the Rogala Group106 Wade Street, Prince George BC V2M 6C7Edel_Toner-Rogala@telus.net250-565-1836