What is Meditation?

Meditation is the practice of reaching a heightened level of awareness. It allows you to

tune into your thoughts without being consumed by them. This makes it easier to focus

on what truly matters and gives you space to quiet your mind.

You may think of meditation

and believe it has a religious

or spiritual meaning, but

that’s not always true. Many

people, including agnostics,

find meditation to be

beneficial and use it when

they need serenity.

There are several different

types of meditation but here

are a few of the most popular

forms:

Guided Meditation

This is a form of meditation

where a mentor or teacher

encourages someone to

visualize a certain outcome.

For example, a basketball coach may have his players do a guided meditation where

his players imagine winning the game.

Guided meditation can allow you to regain a sense of control in the face of setbacks.

During an interview with Forbes, Michael Phelps shared that his goggles filled with

water during the Olympic race. Other swimmers may have panicked.

But not Michael. He’d spent hours visualizing a successful outcome so he closed his

eyes and started swimming. He completed the race, having won the gold medal and

breaking the world record.

Mantra as Meditation

Some people find it helpful to spend their meditation sessions focusing on a mantra.

The mantra can be any one that you choose. But it’s often helpful to create a mantra

about an area of your life that you’re actively seeking to improve.

If you’re looking to lose weight, your mantra could be, “I choose to fill my body with

nutritious foods.” If you’re looking to earn more money, your mantra could be, “I am

worthy of wealth and spend my money wisely.”

During meditation, say the mantra to yourself out loud. If you find your mind drifting or

you’re worrying about something, relax and keep repeating your mantra. It will get

easier after a few sessions to stay on track.

Mindfulness as

Meditation

Another form of meditation is

mindfulness. It’s focused on

staying in the moment without

fear or judgement. Rather, you

become an observer of your

inner self.

As part of your mindfulness, you

can sit or lie comfortably and

listen to your thoughts. The key

is not to react to what you’re

thinking. For example, you think

about cookies in the kitchen but

then remember you’re supposed

to be on a diet. You instantly feel

guilt and shame.

In mindfulness, you could say, “I release this guilt and shame and open myself to joy

and peace.” The more you practice mindfulness, the more you’ll become aware of how

your thoughts are shaping your life.

There are many styles of meditation. Don’t feel bad if you try one method and don’t

enjoy it. You may have to try a few different ones until you find the style that works best

for you.

Journal Your Thoughts

1. Have you tried meditation? If not, what's holding you back from starting?

2. What areas of your life would you like to improve through meditation?

3. What forms of meditation appeal to you the most?

Using Meditation to Ease Stress and

Calm Anxiety

Dan Harris was a news anchor that battled insecurities. Since he was secretly worried

that he wasn’t good enough, Dan pushed himself to excel professionally. He spent

years living in war zones covering the global war on terror.

But when Dan returned from these high-stress assignments, he had difficulty

readjusting to everyday life.

He felt like his mind was

always ‘on’ and he struggled

to find a way to quiet his

thoughts. So, he started using

illegal substances.

His recreational use

eventually caused an on-air

panic attack in 2004.

Determined to find a better

way to cope with his

problems, Dan began to study

how the human mind works.

What he found surprised him.

Recognizing Your Inner

Narrator

Everyone has an inner voice.

It’s the narrator that plays in

your head from the moment you wake up until you go back to bed. Sometimes, the

inner narrator is kind and loving, helping you to see yourself in the best light.

But most people struggle with their inner narrator. They regularly think things like, “I’m

not good enough at my job. Everyone’s going to find out I’m a fraud. I have no self-

control and that’s why I can’t lose weight/get a better job/have the life I want.”

Sometimes, your inner voice can be helpful. For example when you hurt someone

else’s feelings with a sharp reply, you may feel instant guilt. You find yourself thinking, “I

should apologize.” So you offer an apology and try to carry on with the rest of the day.

Dealing with Your Inner

Narrator

The problem comes when you lose the

ability to shut off your narrator and

seriously question what she’s telling

you. When that happens, you may turn

to avoidance techniques and try to

medicate yourself through overeating,

recreational drug use, excessive

drinking and other destructive

behaviors.

But like Dan learned, these are

bandage solutions. They don’t really

solve the problem, but they do make

you temporarily feel better…until they

don’t.

Quieting Your Inner Narrator

After months of study, Dan found that the solution to dealing with his inner narrator was

meditation. At first, he was resistant to the idea but he found modern science supported

the benefits of meditation.

Dan is quick to note that meditation isn’t a cure-all, but he does believe it works. He now

uses meditation to quiet his inner narrator and ease his stress.

He was so inspired by his meditation that Dan went on to write a book on the subject.

He titled it, 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress

Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story.

You can find it at your local bookstore or online.

In an interview with Big Think, Dan says, “I always thought that meditation was

ridiculous. Now I’m a daily meditator and even worse, I’m a public evangelist for

meditation.”

Journal Your Thoughts

1. Have you or has someone you loved ever had a panic attack? What was the

experience like?

2. What are some things you hear your inner narrator say to you a lot?

3. Looking at your list, is there any truth to what the narrator is saying? What would your

life be like if you changed the narrative?

Common Meditation Struggles

For most people, meditation doesn’t come naturally—at least, not at first. This can be

frustrating and make you wonder if you’re doing something wrong. You may even be

tempted to quit meditating before you experience any benefits. But before you do that,

look at these three common meditation struggles and see if the solutions below work for

you.

Struggle #1: Expecting to Feel Good

or Different

You’ve tried several forms of meditation.

You’ve looked up meditative chants and tried

to connect with your inner self. But you’ve yet

to feel good or different. You feel like the

same old you and you’re wondering why.

Imagine you had one hundred pounds to lose

and you were serious about taking the weight

off. You’d probably join a gym and spend

months working out. You show up several

times a week to run on the treadmill or lift

weights. But after a while, you notice that not every gym session feels amazing. Once

the initial excitement wore off, it just felt downright hard.

It’s the same concept with meditation. Sure, you have amazing sessions that make you

feel like you’re making massive progress. But most sessions aren’t going to feel that

way. Most will be challenging. The key is to remind yourself that even though it’s hard,

meditation is important for your well-being.

Struggle #2: Hating the Sound of Silence

When you live a busy, hectic lifestyle you’re surrounded by constant noise even if you

don’t realize it. Your laptop hums, the lights buzz, and car horns out your window beep.

Your co-worker is having a phone conversation, the radio is playing, and your phone is

chirping.

It’s no wonder silence can feel awkward and uncomfortable. If you’re just getting

started with meditation and you find the silence too much, try adding white noise. You

can listen to white noise through a website like Simply Noise. There are also white

noise generators apps that you can purchase and use on your smart device.

If you don’t enjoy white noise, you

could also use a resource like

YouTube. Visit the website on your

smart device or laptop and look for

meditation music. There are millions

of videos featuring relaxing

soundtracks that will allow you to slip

into a mediational space.

Struggle #3: Getting Restless

During Sessions

You can sit comfortably at your TV or

computer for hours on end and never

budge. But the moment you get quiet

and settle down for meditation, you

suddenly feel like you can’t sit still.

Don’t feel bad if this happens to you. Your body is just struggling with the transition from

movement to stillness. If you were driving your car at 65 miles per hour and you

suddenly turned onto a road where the speed limit was only 15 miles per hour, you’d

feel tense at first, almost like you were driving in slow motion.

It’s a similar feeling when you meditate. You’ve been stuck in fast forward since you

woke up and slowing down doesn’t feel natural. So, be patient with yourself if you get

restless during meditation. Your body is simply adjusting to a different speed.

Don’t look at meditation as something to be achieved, see it as a journey you’re taking.

Your goal is to enjoy the process and learn from it.

Journal Your Thoughts

1. When it comes to meditation, what do you struggle with?

2. What do you wish you'd known about meditation when you'd first started?

3. Do you feel restless when you try to meditate? Where in your body does this feeling

come from?

How Meditation Improves Your

Relationships

When it comes to meditation, some people are quick to point out its health benefits like

lowered blood pressure and decreased anxiety. But meditation doesn’t just affect your

physical health. It can also affect the health of your relationships. Here are just a few of

the relationship benefits you’ll get if you regularly practice mediation:

The Ability to Listen

Meditation teaches you how to be

present in the moment. It gives you

the chance to check in with your

mind and body. But more

importantly, it shows you how to

listen. This can come in handy when

it comes to defusing arguments with

your partner and loved ones.

You and your partner frequently

argue over who should unload the

dishes from the dishwasher. One

morning, your spouse is particularly

mad that dishes are still in the

appliance. Normally, when your

spouse gets angry at you over this,

your go-to response is defensive.

But if you’ve been meditating, then you know to slow down and tune into your partner.

You notice the bags under her eyes and say, “Hey, babe. I’ll handle the unloading

today. You look tired. Is there something else I could take off your plate?”

The Ability to Step Back

Sometimes, loved ones disappoint us. On those days, it’s easy to start focusing on

everything you do and everything your loved one doesn’t do.

You might fume to a co-worker, “I chauffer the kids every evening so he can have time

to de-stress after work. But he complains when I ask him to do something simple like

pack the children’s lunch bags.”

Meditating helps you remember that the universe is vast and these problems are small

in the scheme of things. It doesn’t mean you’re not irritated. It just means you don’t let

that irritation develop into a huge fight next time you see your spouse.

The Ability to Show Compassion

Your friend who routinely quits her jobs is whining about money problems again. You

love your friend but she always creates her own problems then asks you for a solution.

Meditating allows you to feel

compassion for her without

getting sucked into her drama.

You emphasize with her lack of

money by saying, “It stinks

when finances are tight. But

things will get better if you

hang in there.”

Then you change the subject

of the conversation. Your

friend feels like she was heard

and you avoided the usual

theatrics. That’s a win-win.

Meditation is a good practice

that can benefit your life in

many ways. But like all

practices, you get out of what

you’re willing to put into it. That

means you have to make meditation a priority and do it regularly in order to reap all the

good benefits for your relationships.

Journal Your Thoughts

1. How has meditation helped you manage your relationships?

2. What do you and a loved one normally fight over? Is there a way you could defuse

this tension?

3. What do you want to do differently in your relationships?

Make Meditation Work for You

You’ve tried getting into meditation before but you didn’t stick with it. Maybe you didn’t

enjoy the process. Maybe you had a teacher that was fixated on making sure you were

doing it right. Maybe you found it was too hard to control your thoughts.

Whatever the reason, you gave up. But that doesn’t mean you can’t pick up meditation

again. Instead of approaching it as another item on your to-do list, look at it as a form of

self-care. The trick is to make meditation work for you and not against you. Here are

some tips to get you started meditating again.

Experiment with Different Times of Day

Some people swear by morning meditation. They get up earlier than anyone else in

their household and spend twenty or thirty minutes meditating. It’s what works for them.

But that doesn’t mean you have to meditate in the morning. You might find that you

prefer to meditate in the early afternoon when you can enjoy the sunshine that comes

through your window. Or maybe you find meditating before bed a simple and relaxing

way to drop off to sleep.

It doesn’t matter what time of day

that you meditate. There is no right

or wrong time. There’s only the

present and how you choose to

enjoy it.

Give Yourself Something

Visual

Some people complain that when

they try to meditate, they can’t

concentrate. There are still dozens

of thoughts they can’t seem to

release and they feel restless, too.

If that describes you, don’t fret.

You may need to have something

visual to look at during your

meditation sessions. You might try focusing your attention on a flickering candle or

mediating while you stare at your vision board. If you can’t burn a candle physically, go

to a site like YouTube and search for burning candle for meditation. Several videos will

appear that you can choose from.

Pick a Safe Space

When it comes to meditating, it’s important to choose to do so in a spot where you feel

safe. If you have an

emotionally volatile

spouse who explodes

into rage in the kitchen,

you may have trouble

meditating in that room of

your house.

Some people dealing

with trauma find it’s

helpful to meditate in

small, closed spaces like

inside a closet or

underneath a desk. This

gives them a feeling of

safety and allows them to

slip into a meditative

state.

Don’t give up on

meditation right away if

you don’t enjoy it.

Instead, look at meditation as an experiment and try different styles and techniques until

you find what you enjoy.

Journal Your Thoughts

1. Have you tried meditating at different times during the day? Which time did you find

most enjoyable?

2. What do you like to focus on during a meditation session?

3. What space do you love meditating in?