Week 168

Tourists and locals are beingwarned about pickpockets andopportunist thieves and conmen swooping to strike as themain tourist season gets goingon the Costas.

The British Consulate in Alicante haslinked up with the police and localgroups to launch a campaign inBenidorm to cut out petty pilferingwhich accounted for 80% of all crimeon the Costa Blanca last year.

The National Police crime preventionteam has come up with a checklist thathotel and apartment owners ought to

pass on to any guests over the nextfew months:

1. Beware of “triles” groups whotrick tourists with fake street games.

2. Mobile phone theft is on the up –don’t leave your phone on the table ortake it to the beach, and look after yourpassport.

3.Take advantage of “OperaciónVerano”, where in July and August anyone can get a free certified copy of theirpassport from the police so they canleave the original at their hotel.

4.People approaching tourists to askthem to sign petitions or for money aresometimes looking for opportunities tosteal from them so be wary

The British Consul, Paul Rodwell, ata special launch event in Benidorm,gave the thumbsup to the positiveadvice from the National Police andemphasised the importance of workingtogether to support tourists whensomething does go wrong, which canhave a huge impact on how the victimof crime recovers from the experience.

“The Consulate is committed to supporting vulnerable British nationals byworking closely with the Spanishnational police and tourism partners”,said Rodwell. “ This event was a greatopportunity to gain a greater understanding of each other’s role so that wecan help British nationals more effectively.”

Edition 168 www.thecourier.es Friday, May 9, 2014

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DO YOU have a story that might grab the headlines?What’s all the gossip about round your way? A spateof robberies, perhaps – or maybe you’ve spotted acelebrity in the neighbourhood. Whether your newsinvolves fire, police, ambulance, accidents – or hap

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WANTED – MORE HEADLINE NEWS!

San Pedro del Pinatar. Jet flying low over roundabout !!! Photo by RICHARD O ROURKE

Media and Entertainment SL

A priest has caused a storm after he saidthat men wouldn't beat their wives to deaththirty years ago because they had Christianvalues. The speech, given during a child’sfirst communion in the southern city of Jaén,has sent shockwaves through Spanish society after it was posted on YouTube onMonday.

“Thirty years ago there was a lot moreignorance and a man would maybe get

drunk and when he got home beat up hiswife, but he wouldn’t kill her like they donowadays,” the parish priest (who has notbeen named) told his audience.

“There used to be a set of Christian principles and values. People would live by thecommandments and their Christian education, so even if a person got drunk, he knewthat the fifth commandment said ‘thou shaltnot kill.”

STORM IN A PULPIT The Benejúzar

mother, who wassentenced to 5years in jail forsetting fire to theman who rapedher teenagedaughter, hasgone to prison.Mari CarmenGarcía mustspend the nextfew weeks behind barswhilst waiting for theNational Supreme Court verdict over a pardon. A requestto suspend the sentenceahead of the pardon deci

sion was thrown out by anAlicante provincial court, andshe checked in at FontcalentPrison in Alicante yesterdayas demanded by the authorities.

MUM JAILED

Two people are still recovering at Elche’s General Hospital,after an accident last Sunday on the N332 in Gran Alacantwhich led to the death of a woman in a headon collisionbetween two cars. Five others, including the two in Elche,were injured in the accident at 5.15pm which led to the closure of the road, and diversions being set up via the CV851and CV865.

HEAD ON

Snail mail is continuing tofall across the Costa Blancaand Alicante Province withfigures showing that traditional letter sending wentdown by 16% last year. The

parcels market though wentup by 31% in 2014, with anoverall amount of 557 thousand deliveries per day,with over 80 Correos officesin the region.

POSTING A CHANGE

3Friday, May 9, 2014

The Orihuela Costa could be without lifeguards this summer after the current contract holder Ambuiberica SYA had topull out of a two year deal, saying that it couldn’t make it pay.The council is having to readvertise the franchise meaningthat at the time of writing, the Orihuela Costa is without anybeach bars or lifeguards for the busy holiday season.There’s no apparent end to the beach bar stalemate with thecouncil controversially awarding the franchise to Chiringuitosdel Sol who owed them around 1 million Euros in unpaid tax,leaving the whole process up in the air. Meanwhile, Torreviejacouncil appears to have sorted out the awarding of contractsfor 13 beach bars which will run until 2017, with an option foran extra year. A formal announcement is expected shortly.

NO BARS, NOWNO LIFEGUARDS!

The man from Del Monte would have had his head sentspinning with the news that the Guardia Civil has uncovereda ship crammed full of pineapples stuffed with 2 and a halfthousand kilos of cocaine. Drug barons from the world’sbiggest pineapple producer, Costa Rica, sent a batch of theloaded fruit to the southern Spanish port of Algeciras. TheGuardia were waiting on the back of a tipoff, and evenallowed the smugglers to take the contents to Madrid beforemaking their swoop. The seized cocaine apparently wouldhave had a street value of around 150 million Euros.

HE SAYS NO

The trial has started of a Romanian prostitution gang inAlicante, with 20 defendants facing charges of pimping, rape,conspiracy, and prostitution, though their leader Vlad Costelis in a Romanian jail. Nicknamed “El Gordo”, he is accusedof controlling one Europe’s largest prostitution networks,which operated around Alicante, Elche, Guardamar andOrihuela. Many of the victims were women and children, whowere beaten after being shipped over to Spain from Romaniawith promises of a better life. The case has taken over 10years to come to trial, with some of the defendants havingdied or been arrested for crimes in other countries.

VLAD’S NASTYGANG

Over 40 thousand people saw the SOS festival end on ahigh note in Murcia City last Saturday with the Pet Shop Boyssinging a mixture of new and old songs. Other highlightsincluded Blur lead singer Damon Alburn performing tracksfrom his first solo album as part of the seventh staging of thetwo day music event.

BOYS WRAP IT

Spain’s dole queue showed a record fall on Tuesday allowing Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy to declare that things wereon the up. The number of registered unemployed fell by111,565 people from March to 4.68 million in April, the LabourMinistry said. It was the steepest drop for the month of Aprilsince existing records began in 2001. "I am hopeful about thefuture because I think we have broken a pattern of jobs beinglost and we are already heading in the opposite direction,"Rajoy told Cadena Ser radio.

MORE JOBS

Santiago de la Ribera’s Air Academy welcomed royalty lastweek led by Prince Felipe, his wife Princess Leticia, and theirtwo daughters Leonor and Sofia. The engagement was actually the first time the two girls have attended an officialnational ceremony, and all eyes were on them. The passingout ceremony consisted of 62 pilots getting their wings, andswearing their allegiance to the Spanish flag. Prince Felipestudied to be a pilot at this air base in 198788, as did hisfather, the King of Spain in 195859. The ceremony endedwith a parade and an impressive display by the PatrullaAguila, Spain’s equivalent of the British Red Arrows.

LA RIBERAROYALS

A man is set diebehind bars forsexually abusingthe daughters ofhis then girlfriendin their GranAlacant homeback in 2001.Prosecutors havecalled for a 30year sentenceagainst the man,who is in his eighties, for abusingthe two girls on a repeatedbasis when they were agedonly 11 and 12. The accusedtook repeated advantage oftheir mother Bela’s (pic

tured) visits to her nativeCongo to abuse them. Shesays that both her daughtershave needed psychiatrichelp and one of them tried tocommit suicide.

30 YEAR CALL

Reported crime has fallen by7.6% in the first 3 months of 2014on the Costa Blanca. The figuresshow a big reduction of 26.7% inburglaries, with the falls betterthan the Spanish national average. The figures for Murciashowed an even greater reduction of 8.9%, though burglarieshad risen significantly aroundCartagena.

CRIME DOWN

AIR RISEAlicanteElche airport is well on tar

get to have more than 10 million passengers going through its doors by theend of the year, as April’s figuresshowed a 9.6% rise compared to thesame month last year. An element ofthat rise would be due to the fact thatEaster fell in April this year asopposed to March, but all 4 monthsthis year have shown rises compared

to 2013. Airport owner, AENA, hasalso announced that it will be freezingits airport charges for carriers nextyear.

BIG CUPSOrihuela police have arrested a

woman who had two bags of heroinstuffed in her bra. Suspicious copssaw her talking to two men in the SanIsidro area of Orihuela City and they

pounced and retrieved over 10 gramsof the drug.

STUFF ITSan Fulgencio council has had to

cancel their Festival of Health andWellbeing due to what they call “a lackof interest”. The event was scheduledfor Saturday May 17th, but the councilsay that they are going to give itanother go in October.


Nearly half of young Spaniards aged under 30 get virtuallyno money, whilst only 1 in 5 can afford to set up home ontheir own. A total of 47.5% of young Spaniards agedbetween 16 and 29 receive no formal income at all, the studyby youth lobby group CJE shows. Youth unemployment iscurrently 55% but the CJE study shows the situation is madeeven worse by the precarious nature of that employment.With just 34% of people aged 16 to 29 in Spain actually working, more than half of those in the age group are on temporary contracts. Of those contracts, 46.4% are of less than 12months duration. Meanwhile, just over a quarter of workingSpaniards aged 16 to 29 are doing so parttime, the CJEresults based on the final quarter of 2014 reveal.

NO DINERO

9 people have been arrested as part of an embezzlementplot linked to building the high speed rail link between Madridand Barcelona. Police searched 11 homes and offices aspart of their investigation, including the headquarters of staterailway company Adif. Some 6 million Euros of public moneyis said to have been stolen in a project that ended up costingclose to 4 billion Euros, with the line having opened inJanuary 2013.

HIGH SPEEDCROOKS

Bulldozers have moved to knock down two deserted houses in the Babilonia beach area of Guardamar. Both buildingswere found to be poor condition by the coastal directoratewith the mayor adding that it was vital for increased tourismthat eyesores were removed as well as all structures beingsafe.

GOOD RIDDANCE

9 national Spanish TV channels stopped broadcasting viathe terrestrial TDT system at the end of Monday night’s programming to comply with the Supreme Court verdict forbroadcasting outside the scope of the Communications Act.The government has denied any interference which has seenthe plug pulled on channels like Xplora, Nitro, and LaSexta3to make space for an auction of broadcast spectrum formobile phone operators which will ultimately benefit the coffers in Madrid. Most of the “pulled” channels are continuingto broadcast via satellite.

WHITE DOT

Bobby McFerrin, whoscored a big international hitin the late eighties with Don’tWorry Be Happy, has beenadded to the list of performers at the San JavierInternational Jazz Festivalwhich starts on July 5th.Other star names that havealready been confirmedinclude George Benson.

DON’T WORRY,BE BOBBY

The new car market in Spain continues to improve due tothe government's 'Plan PIVE' with over 80 thousand newvehicles registered last month, which is nearly 29% than thesame month last year. The original Plan PIVE scheme wasdevised to incentivise the purchase of new vehicles by offering 1,000 Euros to people replacing cars over ten years old(seven in the case of commercial vehicles) with newer, moreenergyefficient and less polluting models. New car registrations have gone up for 8 months in a row, but the monthlyreturns are still a long way off the 100 thousand per monthSpain had seen before the recession.

NEW CARS UP

Supermarket chain Mercadona has increased its glutenfree product range and now offers more foodstuffs for thewheatintolerant, or coeliac, which they claim is more thanany other retailer. The recent introduction of 50 new itemshas brought the Valenciabased chain's range up to 850products, giving those allergic to gluten a much wider choiceand more opportunities for a varied and interesting diet.

GLUTENDONA

A Colombian man had a ham and cheese baguette withsome extra fizz about it: it was stuffed with over 100 gramsof cocaine. Benidorm police arrested the 29 year old at thelocal bus station on suspicion of drug trafficking. Cops found9 capsules of the drug inside his snack as well over a kilo ofcocaine in his Benidorm home, where they also arrested his20 year old Colombian roommate.

THE REAL THING

The owners of AlicanteElche airport have removed thesign that says Alicante on the old terminal building which hasbeen upsetting Elche mayor, Mercedes Alonso. She wrote toowners AENA to complain that the old name was obsoleteand should be taken down. They have also responded to herrequest by telling all the airlines that use the facilities at ElAltet that the airport is now called AlicanteElche, and notAlicante.

HAPPY NOW?

People who usethe Guardamarhealth centre willhave the addedbonus of an Xrayroom from this July.The council havedone a deal withTorrevieja Healthdepartment whichmeans patients willno longer have totravel to Torrevieja for Xrays to be carried out.

X-RAY BOOST

Murcia’s Ruth Lorenzo carries Spain’s hopes in thisSaturday’s Eurovision Song Contest in Copenhagen. Theformer UK XFactor star will be singing Crying in the Rain,which she helped to write, with the lyrics in Spanish andEnglish. Last week, the 31 year old had to spend time in aMurcia clinic due to overexhaustion in the build up to thisweekend. She resumed her busy schedule in Denmark thisweek which included a visit to the Spanish Embassy.

Will Ruth be crying?

The Costa Blanca is getting a poor return on getting moneyout of the Madrid government for road maintenance if the latest figures are to be believed. In a parliamentary reply,Alicante Province came 26th in the league table of areasgiven money by the National Government for roadworks,despite it having the 5th largest population in the country withsome of the busiest tourist routes.

COSTA BAD DEAL


An Iranian man conned 10 women intobeing his sex slaves after pretending to bean oil boss who owned a luxury villa inMarbella. The fraudster first captured theyoung women’s attention by pretending to bea wealthy businessman with an impressivelist of contacts in the fashion industry. Withthe promise of making them all top models,he moved them into his luxurious villa.

“He enjoyed their company whenever hewanted,” sources close to the investigationsaid when describing how 50yearold ShojaS. managed to set up his own private harem.

Although the women soon became aware

that their lover was no more than a conman,he kept them under his thumb with physicaland psychological abuse. After three yearsliving under the same roof, Shoja fatheredseven children with his ten concubines. “Itwas the girls who paid for everything afterasking their loved ones for money,” according to the source.

One of them has filed a lawsuit againstShoja for allegedly forcing her family to paythe monthly €6,500 rent for the villa, whilsteight others have since pressed chargesagainst him for physical and psychologicalabuse.

NEXT YEAR’S TOPMODEL:- NOT!

Bars and restaurants around the MarMenor have had 200 kilos of seafoodseized by the Murcia Guardia Civil, andaccused for not making it clear where they

got it from, in addition to maintaining poorstandards of health. Bream, crab, octopus,and prawns were some of the items takenaway.

SOMETHING FISHY

A small town offered anew perspective on publicising a bullrunning festival, byhiring a woman to walkaround the streets promoting the event in only herknickers. La Vall d’Uixó inthe Valencia region holdsBous al Carrer, an ancientbullrunning festival in whichthe animals are let loose inthe fencedoff town centre.As a way of promoting thebulls they had put money on,two local groups or peñas,hired a woman to walkaround topless through thestreets with an advertising

banner.Although not everyone is

opposed to the move, localpolitical groups have calledfor the peñas to be fined asa means of setting a prece

dent for similar sexist acts."This does no favours forgender equality in our regionor in Spain as a whole," saidlocal councillor HerminiaMontins.

El Toro would like it

Kiosk El Paseo was voted the winnerof Almoradi’s 3rd professional TapasCompetition on Monday. The juryplumped for the Kiosk’s PastelTricolor, a dish featuring smoked cod,caviar, and a multicoloured vegetablepie.

ALMORADI’S BEST


[email protected] POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

[email protected] POSTBAG: YOUR VIEWS ON OUR NEWS

My name is Patti Lee, I am 83years old and live alone in LosNarejos. Last October I had to havea hip operation, after which I spent alittle time recovering in a nursinghome. When they said I could gohome I was so worried about how Iwas going to cope, and a friendadvised me to get in touch with HAH(Help at Home) who immediately

came to my aid.How could I have coped without

their wonderful care team? ! couldn’t get dressed, nor do essentialtasks, but they took this on, and formany days helped me, took me toappointments, out for coffee andwalks, and made life a pleasureagain. Janet and Chris in particularhave become firm friends, and still

visit me regularly, help with difficulties, appointments etc, and my littledog and I look forward so much totheir visits. Janet wrote down somevery important facts on what to do inan emergency, and following a fallwhere I cut my leg quite badly, I followed her instructions, was able toget help, and I am convinced thatthis saved my life!

Their volunteers are all so helpfuland they work extremely hard, andtheir service is FREE.

I could not have managed withoutthem, and would like to thank themall for their time, care, and friendship, they all deserve a medal!!

PATTI LEE, Los Narejos

LIES, DAMNLIES AND

STATISTICS!

LETTERS AND EMAILS WILL ONLY BE CONSIDERED FOR PUBLICATION IF ANADDRESS AND CONTACT NUMBER ARE PROVIDED (NOT FOR PUBLICATION)

HaH Mar Menor - Happy and Helpful

RECENT press reports quote a "fall" in theAlicante province population of 83,000 foreigners in the past year, of which "over 40,000Britons have returned home".

Interesting reading, and according to the NationalStatistics Office (INE) "lack of work and barriers toaccess the National Health Service" have been tellingfactors.

Now I don't know about everyone else, but I can'tremember a huge queue of removal vans where I live inthe past year. When the crisis began there were manythat "went home", but in the past year I can onlyremember one family I know calling in the ‘Removals’,and that was for neither of the above reasons.

So let's look at some more of the statistics. "Theorganisation (INE) obtained the Provisional figuresfrom the Padrón as of the 1st January 2014", whichshowed the total population of the Province at1,862,359, down from 1,945,642 a year earlier.

The story now becomes more confusing to the statisticians, saying: "The fall is more significant andalmost unique that since the start of official figures in1857, it is entirely due to the decrease of the foreignpopulation.

“The (Alicante) province is no exception, in thatSpain has lost 404,619 inhabitants, running at46,725,164, and the only foreign collective that hasincreased at national level is.... the Chinese". (No danger of cheap menus disappearing, then!)

We continue: "The INE counts foreigners in theprovince at 379,689, almost 90,000 less than in Januaryof 2013, whilst, to the contrary, there are 6,445 MORESpanish.

“The fall has been across all citizens from otherEuropean countries, something that just hasn't happened in the last two decades. The case of the Britishis especially striking as this group has gone from130,541 to 91,287 in ONE year."

Not only are we more confused by now, but so, itseems, are the authorities.

We now turn to the Department of Sociology fromAlicante University to offer an explanation: "We havebeen studying this situation for a number of years, andexpected the foreign population to fall, but not by somuch".

According to Professor Raquel Huete, "since 2005

there have been less people coming, something thathas worsened in recent years as the crisis has affectedthis group’’. In this sense, the professor recalls thatEuropean citizens such as the British "are not just hereas tourists but also for economic reasons".

Well, I feel an awful lot more informed from thatstudy, although the good professor goes on to remindus: "We must remember that these are provisional figures, and we must accept them with a certain caution,although they allude to certain reasons why the Britishhave abandoned the province.

“Amongst others, lack of work, increased taxes,more difficult access to healthcare, lack of incentive togo on the Padrón."

So we now feel completely enlightened, of course wedo. Now, had they bothered to ask ANYONE in theknow, like the people who actually work in the TownHalls and have all had to do a 10 YEAR review of thePadrón, it would all make perfect sense.

You see, there is a perfectly simple and logical explanation that Professor Huete could have saved an awfullot of study time on, and that is this...

Every council wants people on the Padrón, the list ofresidents from which the local government receivesmoney from Central and Regional government forhealthcare, education, major roads etc.

So for 10 years at a time, we add as many people aswe can.

People leave but they rarely ask to come off beforedoing so. Therefore, when people like me get asked to"conduct a census of foreigners" by the INE every 10years, they find that a huge amount of "residents" havebeen dead, moved, or simply never actually lived in thehouses in which they were registered for many years.

So, every 10 years, local councils with a "transientpopulation" will have a jolt from the INE. It's just thatthis year, we are on the back of the worst financial crisis in memory, and so the figures appear to be a sudden event when in fact, it's the result of a 10year "readjustment".

In the UK one would conduct a written census. Here,let's just say it's “less than thorough".

The figures quoted are just plucked "out of the sky".The reality is absolutely a whole lot worse, but over thelast six or seven years, not just 12 months. BenjaminDisraeli's most famous quote will never be forgotten.

PHIL HUGHES, El Raso

EARTH Hour hasrecently passed withmore countries joiningevery year.

The idea is that we allswitch off our lights andelectrical appliances forone hour in a bidtowards saving MotherEarth and to heightenpeople’s awareness thatwe need to take care ofour planet.

Spain has been part ofthis with Town Halls,cathedrals, monumentsetc. right across thecountry switching off but sadly, not so Rojalescouncil, who continue toburn lights unnecessarily.

Just one example ofthis – and I doubt that itis the only one – is thesports centre next to theNorwegian school inCiudad Quesada. Thissports centre is openfrom 8am to 8pmMonday to Saturday,you would think then,that lights only need tobe on during the hoursof darkness or twilightduring this time and notwhen the centre isclosed.

Rojales council preferto burn the 14 streettype lamps all nightevery night – why? If itis a question of securitythere is already a security camera, linked directly to the police station,covering this area.

In addition to throwingtax payers’ moneyaround on electricitywhere it is not neededRojales council havejust spent €9,000 on agrandstand for seatingup to 184 spectators atthe municipal sportscentre.

Apart from the environmental aspect thereis also the financial one,with so many peoplehaving their homesrepossessed and beingfed by Caritas and othercharities this PSOEcouncil needs to rethink its priorities.

J BILLET, Rojales

Not sucha bright,idea,Rojales

I’D like to ask football fanswhat they would do if a loopybillionaire took over their cluband promptly changed theteam colours.

How would Liverpool fansreact to the Reds turning outin black and white? OrEverton in green? Or Arsenalin blue?

It could never happen, weall said. And even whenMalaysian maniac VincentTan bought Cardiff City andbegan mumbling about luckycolours, nobody dreamt theBluebirds would ever wearred feathers.

With £100m alreadyinvested in the club, Tan isunlikely to be leaving unlesssomeone stumps up a fortune.

He could of course takethe money (if he can find it)and leave Cardiff to plummetto obscurity, as Portsmouthhave done following a suc

cession of financial crises.But he insists: "No way I

will change back to blueunder my ownership.Perhaps they can find anowner who likes blue, pay upand buy me out. Sure theycan go and change it to blueafter that. I go somewhereand build another red club.

"In Asia, red is a colour ofsuccess, festivity, joy. Afterwe changed it, that sameseason we got promoted. Ithink that was a good omen,a good sign."

Definitely, Vincent. A signthat Cardiff would becomethe strongest team in thePremier League as soon aswe got there. We’ve had tobe we’ve spent the wholeseason holding everyoneelse up.

Now clear off and give usour club back.

ALWAYS BE BLUE,Torrevieja

Red makesyou tough, eh Vince?

Friday, May 9, 2014 7

despatched to the Costas byBBC’s The One Show feltany reason to delve beneaththe surface.

Ninety thousand was90,000 and that was that.Fact.

Padron me, but who monitored the exexpats on theirway out? Where were theSpanish bureaucracy’s redtape records revealing whoexactly has left the country?

I mean, half the Brits withhomes in Spain aren't evenon the Padron, while theother half couldn't tell youwhy the damn thing exists.

As for how many actuallyhave gone home (if indeedthe number of Brits in Spainisn’t increasing), we all haveour own views.

One Show presenter JoeCrowley repeatedly threw thefigure of 90,000 at me duringan hour of filming at my homein El Raso last week – and Irepeatedly chucked it back.

I had no idea at the time,but I was riding my chuck, I

Personally, I believe theSpanish dream is as vividlyexciting as ever for the vastmajority of Brits.

Th economic situation isalso looking up and had Joespoken to local estate agentsrather than voiceoveredempty streets and For Sale

boards, he’d have been putright on the resurgent property market.

The reality is that,against a backdrop ofcranes and constructionworkers, a new buildingboom has begun.

Phill Smirke of The

qMY return to the UK is on temporary hold and fur a very good reason. I’m stillundecided whether to take Tom and Dick with me, or find them a safe, loving home

here. Cats don’t come any more affectionate than my two black beauties (they’re thebigeyed boys in the photo) and the cost of taking them back to the UK is relativelysmall. But since I’ll still be coming to Spain several times a year, I’ll inevitably face regular logistical problems.

qTom and Dick do everything together and splitting them up is out of the question.So if you know anyone with double vision who is looking for a special companion

for each eye, my email is [email protected]

qMeanwhile Harry, the third of my rescued triplets, is doing well. Struck down byfeline leukaemia, my friend Lyndsey saved his life...and now they are inseparable.

Property Shop is one ofthose professionals whoinsists the housing market ison the up.

He also maintains that, farfrom being forced to sell andleave the country, expatswhose homes have plummeted in value since 2007could well recoup every centimo by 2019.

Admittedly, the lack ofwork remains a killer foryoung families, but most ofthe Brits settle here whenthey no longer need a job.

And while supermarketshopping can be as costly asthe UK, where in Englandcan you enjoy a threecourseChinese meal for a fiver?

In a country where a cou

THE revelation that expats have beenreturning to the UK ''in droves'' will havecome as an eyeopener for some.

My radar tells me it’s just the blind leading theblind at the start of the British media’s annualSpainbashing season.

The aggro kicked off with Spanish statisticiansclaiming 90,000 of us abandoned our sunshinedreamland last year in a desperate hunt for the joysof rain and rust.

The English media immediately put its own bootin, led by the Daily Telegraph’s typically boringappraisal that the economic crisis, lack of work andfailing health among the elderly were to blame.

Not even the BBC disputed the figures evenwhen it was established they had come from localtown halls. And, more specifically, from the Padronoffice.

Neither the national press nor the film crew

ple can dine out seven daysa week for 100 quid (with abottle of decent wine thrownin), it makes no sense that90,000 would flee.

Ultimately, The One Showtook a nonconfrontationalline, with a vox pop of expatsproducing predictable comments. My friend and neighbour Marjory Norris was suitably unimpressed.

Like me, Marjory believesthe expat community is growing rather than shrinking.

''It was much ado aboutnothing,'' was her verdict onthe broadcast. Not quite anexample of the blind leadingthe blind, then.

More like the bland leading the bland.

mean luck. And, sureenough, back in London theprogramme editors chuckedmy footage into the bin.

No complaints there,because I had no wish tobe part of a programmedispensing misleading‘facts’.

Expats are fleeing Spain in droves, according tothe latest statistics. But the figures don’t add up...

Red and buried: One Show editors givemy interview the final cut. Pictured rightis Joe Crowley and (inset) Phill Smirke

TAINTING BYNUMBERS...


I maintained a diary foryears but today there isonly one that survives.Coincidentally, it is the onefrom 1964. And I can revealthat 50 years ago tonight,May 9th, I attended a party.

One of the girl guests wasso weird that I became morbidly fascinated by her wackiness and spent the eveningconversing with her, strictlyfor my own amusement, youunderstand.

'That nutty female wouldhave been me, then,'observed Mrs S icily theother day. In a desperateattempt to save myself fromcertain punitive payback, Ipanicked and responded:'That magical occasion wasstupendously fantasticbecause I saw my unbornchildren in your eyes andknew that I would be spending the rest of my life withyou, my darling.'

'Yeah, sure!' snapped MrsS. 'And a flight of Vietnamesepotbellied pigs are currentlysoaring above the clouds ontheir way to Alicante for the

summer.'Anyway, my diaries disap

peared around the time MrsS and I, together with our twochildren and a mongrel dognamed Brian, moved house36 years ago.

Something else that wentmissing in the same periodwas my collection of earlyElvis Presley 78rpms. I reckon the records were stolenby one of the removal men.

My prime suspect wore hisdyed jetblack hair in pompadour style with matchinglong sideboards. He sauntered around, swivelling hiships and hummingHeartbreak Hotel under hisbreath. (Coincidentally, mydining room suite also included a matching long sideboard.)

I actually confronted theremoval man. 'Have youseen my Elvis records?' Iasked. 'Me?' he queried, hislip curling. 'Nah, not me.Can't stand the bloke. Giveme Bing Crosby every time.'And he wandered off,whistling White Christmas

offkey through lips nowuncurled yet smugly pursed.

Okay, maybe I was wrong.Possibly, the thief could havebeen one of the otherremoval men, a puny blokewho announced as hecrossed my threshold tocommence shifting stuff: 'I'mnot allowed to lift anythingheavy because I have a hernia.'

On second thoughts heprobably wouldn't have beenphysically able to hoist myElvis records. But on thirdthoughts it could have beenpossible because my collection comprised only three singles and was therefore lightto lift.

Anyhow, I still wonder tothis day what became of myother lost property thediaries. What if they had fallen into opportunistic hands?That is why every time aworld figure publishes hismemoirs I sneak into mylocal bookshop to check ifany of the celebrities' memories exactly match mine. Inwhich case I shall sue for pla

giarism.Mrs S thinks my reasoning

is hysterical. During our discussion the other day I had tohand her a tissue to wipeaway the tears of derisorylaughter which were rollingcheerfully down her cheeks. Iasked sulkily: 'Well then,clever clogs, what's your theory about the missingdiaries? I happen to be a prolific wordsmith and I find yourfacetious attitude dead horrible.'

Mrs S blew her nose andresponded with the damningopinion that my lost journalswere so mindnumbingly dullthat they might have spontaneously selfcombusted outof sheer hopelessness. Butsurely, I pointed out, thatprocess would have leftbehind a pile of ash or othersimilar evidence?

'Who are we to questionthe inscrutableness of scientific phenomena,' mused MrsS. But then, obviously awarethat she had upset me, sheadded: 'I apologise for suggesting that your diaries

caught fire because theywere boring. I mean if boredom was the criterion, thenhow come your Couriercolumns have never burstinto flames?'

I stormed into the kitchento make myself a consolingcup of coffee and thencharged back intothe living room.'Answer methis,' I challenged Mrs S.'If my journalswere that dull,how come my1964 diary escapedthe same fate as theothers and has beensaved for posterity?'

'Ah,' said Mrs S.'That's because it isthe diary in which IAM first mentionedand although yourremarks about mewere disparaging, at least I'mshown to be themore interesting person inour relation

ship. Now go fetch the mop,you've splashed coffee overthe carpet.'

As I skulked over to thebroom closet, Mrs S calledafter me: 'About those disappearing diaries, have youever considered the man

who was driving theremoval van 36

years ago?Didn't herun ap a p e r p u l p i n gbusinesson theside?'

MY LIFE WITH ELVIS

They become very attached to their owners andloyalty is high up on their list of qualities. One ofthe most alert dogs there are, they will alert you ofstrangers before you even know someone isapproaching. They are very quick learners, giventhat you follow a consistent path with them.

They were originally known as the Brokenhaired Scottish Terrier and they are believed tohave been developed from the Skye Terrier,Maltese Terrier, Black and Tan Terrier and the nowextinct Clydesdale Terrier. They became known asthe Yorkshire Terrier in 1889 when they were officially recognised by the British Kennel Club.

I think with breeds such as these, it is alwaysimportant to make sure that the hair is not coveringthe eyes. Eyes are an important part of communication with other dogs and as well as this wouldyou want to walk around with hair covering youreyes every day? They have come a long way fromtheir origins in Scotland and Yorkshire and havealso become the fashion trend setters of the dogworld with their hairbands and jackets.

We have set up an animal charity, where wehelp the most severely abused and injured animals in Spain. If you would be kind enough todonate anything to this special cause you can doby Paypal, where the account details [email protected] or to our Nat Westcharity account, where the sort code is 601603and the account number is 73754900.

IBAN: GB83 NWBK 6016 0373 7549 00. BIC:NWBK GB 2L

Even one Euro will help, so please, please, tryand support us. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.ing and care needs to be taken with their teeth, to avoid gum

disease.

WHERE I live in Pinoso, I am surprised thatthe most popular dog many people have is aYorkshire Terrier. The breed’s origins are fromScotland, but interestingly they becameknown as the Yorkshire Terrier when Scottishmill workers moved to the new mills ofYorkshire and took their dogs with them.

The size of the breed today is considerablysmaller than their ancestors. Breeders started toproduce a smaller dog since the 1950’s. It was inthe 1960’s when the Yorkshire Terrier started toreplace the then most popular toy dog, theMiniature Poodle and in North America this is thesecond most popular breed, with the Labradorstill in first place.

They are certainly now the world’s mostfavourite lapdog and it is common to see themwalking down the street with more hairdo’s than acelebrity out of Hello magazine! I must admit theydo have the most amazing cute factor and if theyare socialised properly, they get along with anything that moves.

Because of their growing popularity, some people started to breed them using little thought andit wasn’t long before nervousness became acommon characteristic of this breed. Originallybred to catch rats, they are now more use tobeing pampered than working.

A very important factor when choosing thebreed, is to never walk them on a collar and lead.Always walk them on a harness, because pressure should never be put on their windpipe. Thereason for this is because they have a soft windpipe which is vulnerable to collapsing. They can also sufferfrom slipping kneecaps. The breeds coat needs daily groom


YORKIES HAVE THE CUTE FACTOR

Amber 15 week female,lovely nature and stunninglooks. We have lots of gorgeous puppies to choosefrom at the moment. Find uson facebook “ParadiseKennels” or call 619 938 955

Born in October 2012, Beauis one of a litter of puppieswho were left abandoned ina box when they were onlyweeks old. Boys and girlsthere are seven of them stillliving in the APAH kennels,waiting for their first home,and all very different in character. To meet them pleasecontact Yvonne on 630 422563.

CODY & BARNEYthese 4 month old pups werepicked up from the countryside near Almoradi.They will probably be smallto medium sized dogs andquite slim build, they are bothvery gentle natured dogs.Please contact K9 or PHONE600 84 54 20 for more infowww.k9club.es

Born in June 2010, Apollo isa lovely, friendly boy anddespite someone cutting hisvocal chords, he still lovespeople. He will make agreat companion, as he isfriends with all dogs andpeople alike. To meet Apolloand the other APAH dogs,please contact Yvonne on630 422 563.

PRINCESS, approximately1 year old GermanShepherd Cross, was rescued walking the streets inQuesada. She is a wellbehaved girl with a calm,laid back temperament andis socialised with other dogsof all sizes and loves toplay. She enjoys being withpeople and is very loving.She is in good health andhas been spaded, had allrelevant injections and chipped with her own passport.She is currently being fostered but needs a permanent'FOREVER' home. She willmake a wonderful compa

nion for that special someone. If you would like tomeet her please callMaureen or Linda on966716049.

PETS’ CORNER: CAN YOU TAKE IN A HOMELESS DOG OR CAT?

Apollo

Cody & Barney

Amber

Le Roy is a young dog whohas been castrated, chippedand his vaccinations are allup to date. He is good withall other dogs and likesladies, but he is extremelystrong on the lead. Withtraining and patience by theinstructor you would have agiant little dog.Find us on facebook FincaLa Castellana

Born in April last year,Saffron is a beautiful andfriendly ginger female whowas rescued as a tiny kitten.She needs her first lovinghome and will be a lovely catfor someone to adopt. Tovisit the APAH Cattery, please contact Yvonne on 630422 563.

Saffron Eyas

Leroy

EYAS is one of eight puppiesthat were born at the kennels. Their mother had beenbrought into us heavily pregnant and 4 days later gavebirth to her babies. Eyas isnow 11 weeks old and ahealthy, bouncy, cheeky pup;she and her siblings havehad the relevant puppy vaccinations so now they areready to go to their newhomes. Not one of them looklike their mother who is apretty Beagle type but theyall have her long silky ears.Please contact the kennelsdirectly on 966710047 oremail info@satanimalrescue.com

Princess


I´m not sure if it´s just me or if everyone else also feelsthat this year seems to be flying by. Already it´s May,with spring kicking in with a bang, and the weather getting warmer as summer soon gets ready to knock on thedoor.

Along with the arrival of this time of year comes that annual competition that we love to talk about. Whether we thinkit´s the best thing on TV or we love to hate it, it´s not something that many of us can avoid however hard some maywant to! However I´m one of those who look forward to theevening as I make lists and get snacks and enjoy a fun fewhours listening to the music and laughing with my friend. Ofcourse I´m talking about the Eurovision Song Contest thisSaturday which is my yearly foray into the music of Europeand the vastly different styles not only of the songs but also

of the clothes and fashion. I highly recommend Eurovision to everyone, for a fun filledevening that can be enjoyed alone although itis better and more fun to have some companywith you.

This article however is not just aboutEurovision but about our ever changing attitudes. Life is changing and sometimes it canfeel that we have no control over it. As Europechanges and the population increases it´seasy to become blinkered and, dare I say it,racist, in our beliefs. I hope Eurovision is atimely reminder that wherever and whoeverwe are, we are all entitled to a life free frompain, free from fear. It may seem trite to quote

this year’s UK entry but wereally are all children of the universe, even though some seemto think they are better thanothers or deserve a better life.What makes us unique is who we are on theinside, not who we appear to be on the outside or where we live or what possessions weown.

It is thanks to a quirk of fate that we wereborn in the place of our birth to the parentsthat we have, and it doesn´t make us any better than a baby born into extreme poverty inAfrica or a child in Syria. Even throughoutEurope and in each country there is hardship,although the majority of people reading this Iguess are at least comfortable in their livesand, although some of us have sufferedimmense pain or destitution we have always

had people at our side to help us through and for the simplereason that we are able to read this, shows that we made itthrough. Let´s enjoy the song contest on Saturday night;laugh at the artistes; sing along with the songs; try and findthe number for the UK entry, Molly and phone in for her; andlet´s also remember that we are privileged to be who we areand where we are and we should never take it for granted,neither should we deny those who are looking for a betterlife. I thank goodness that I was free to come and live inSpain, and that I had that opportunity and that I´ve managedto stay here. This Saturday night, once again Racheal and Iwill be sat with our score sheets marking the songs, nodoubt disagreeing on our choices but also I, for one, will besparing a thought for those who are in the countries participating and being thankful for what I have and where I am.

BE HAPPY FOR WHO WE ARE

Do you remember the halcyon days of UK train travel with the rubbish BritishRail and their vomitinducing toilets and a buffet carthat was full of pork piesthat would later reappearas scud missiles?

They even had the vilepervert Jimmy Savile as theface of their TV advertsbestowing “The Age of theTrain!” Now a bunch of

prospective Labour MPs thatwere only in nappies whenwe had to endure these joketrain services, want to bringback BR! These idiots havewritten to Ed Miliband callingon him to renationalise therailways for the public good!God knows what the costwould be but at least theLabour boss has thrown outthis bonkers proposition.Now if they had called on

him to take public ownershipfor the safety and upkeep ofthe actual lines, they wouldhave a sensible point, as theTories should never everhave allowed the creation ofRailtrack (now calledNetwork Rail), with all theproblems that it caused incompromising safety forprofit. It’s all a usefulreminder though that thereare people shuffling around

the background of Labourthat have their own agendas,and costly ones at that, thatjust don’t make any sense atall.

qAnother nutter that’sbeen tweeting trash in

the UK has been forced toquit a political party, and thistime we have a Tory asopposed to a UKIP member.A local council candidate inEssex, David Bishop, hasresigned from theConservatives after sayingthat Islam was the religion ofrape and made homophobiccomments. Meanwhile, backat the UKIP ranch, a guycalled Harry Perry who isstanding in Stockport, hasbeen suspended for sayingthat Islam was evil and thathomosexuality was an abomination, as well as describingDavid Cameron as a “gayloving nutcase.” What is itwith these people that are sokeen to get onto a social network site and to spout theirbile? I’d suggest that a few ofthese comments may beposted after some sustenance at a local bar!

qDavid Cameron hassaid that the economy

is enjoying a “great Britishrevival”. That statistically istrue with all the indicatorsshowing the UK economy ison the march, but the bigproblem is that nobody isleaping around and doingcartwheels as people feelthe squeeze. Pay packetshave not kept pace especially with the huge energyprice rises, but with a year to

go before the general election, Cameron has to workout how he can translateinto the votes, the economicturnround that he has engineered as leader of thecoalition. It won’t be easy asvoters tend to have veryshort memories and tend toforget who got the countryinto the economic mess inthe first place, unless EdBalls opens his mouthagain.


SEPA. MEANS SAFE AND EFFICIENT PAYMENTS IN SPAIN.What is SEPA?

The Single Euro Payments Area (SEPA) is making euro payments faster, safer andmore efficient within the 34 EU countries. It enables customers to make cashless europayments to anyone within the EU. What are the ways to pay using SEPA?1. SEPA credit transfer

A single way to transfer funds nationally or anywhere within the EU.2. SEPA direct debit

Now charges can be made directly to an account in one EU country for services provided by a company based in another country.3. SEPA for cards

Customers can conveniently use the same cards they use for national purchases, anywhere in Europe. Merchants will accept all cards, making payment processes easier andmore attractive.SEPA standards required for full introduction1. IBAN

IBAN is the International Bank Account Number that identifies your account anywherein the world. With a maximum of 34 digits it includes the following in order:

2 digits country code2 digits check digit30 digits (max) account identification specific to each countryUK IBAN example: GB19 LOYD 3096 1700 7099 43

2. BICBIC (Bank Identifier Code) numbers will be phased out for crossborder payments by

February 2016.3. PAYMENT CARDS

All payment cards will be migrated from magnetic strip to EMV chip. There is currentlyno date for completion.Timeline for the SEPA process

The process began in 1999 and is now in the final migration phase. February 2014: Credit transfers and direct debits in the EU should be carried out in

accordance with the standards mentioned above. A six month transition period is beingintroduced.

February 2016: For niche products with specific characteristics a longer transitionphase is made for in some countries.

31 October 2016: EU member states with noneuro currencies must adhere to standards set for credit transfers and direct debits in euros, by this end date.SEPA indicators. Key facts at a glance.

SEPA credit transfers as a % of total EU transactions is 93.9%*SEPA direct debit as a % of total transactions is 80.3%*EMV transactions as a % of total transactions is 79.6%***February 20140321**June 2013

We hope this information provided in this article is of interest.If you would like to contact Linea Directa please call 902 123 104

More information on Linea Directa online at www.lineadirecta.com

THE AGE OF RUBBISH RAIL

I’ve been the victim of what I can only describe asa ´legal´ Spanish trick which has cost me 110Euros! Last September, my wife and I were driving on the last leg of our annual trek back to theCosta after spending the summer in the UK.

Somewhere south of Zaragoza I did somethingwrong I know not what, but last week, via my solicitor, the supposed transgression cost me a 110 Europenalty, far more than it otherwise would have been ifthe authorities could have found me! The traffic finefinally reached me via my solicitor and when I examined the documents the name of the road where welive in Spain was right, but the number was absent, asit contained the numbers originally listed on thedevelopment documents, 15 years ago, plus the postcode which covers many hundreds of properties. So Inever received the fixed penalty fine, until now, and,of course, the fine had doubled! The Suma officewhere I pay my car tax, the town hall, bank, you nameit, all have my correct address, so why haven´t theSpanish traffic office? Goodness knows. But it´s awonderful scam to send a penalty notice out with onlyhalf of an address, and then double the penalty whenthe fine isn´t paid in time. Naturally, if that had happened inthe UK I would be banging on someone´s desk, but how doyou get any sense in Spain? And not only that, the noticedoesn´t give me a clue what I´m supposed to have done it´s just a series of codes and my Spanish speaking solicitorwas none the wiser either. Come on Spain get yourselvesinto the 21st century. Send out meaningful fixed penaltynotices, to the right addresses, and, for goodness sake, ifyou are going to have postcodes, have them which are fitfor purpose. Take a look at the UK postcode system whichidentifies in the code right down to the street, which meanspeople are far more likely to receive their mail. So,Zaragoza police, have a free meal or two on me goodnessknows what I´m supposed to have done, but after 49 yearsof motoring without a blot on my licence, I suppose I had itcoming!

qThis is not the only brush with the police that I haveencountered in the last week. Firstly, I want to tell you

that I have been trained to advanced driving standard by apolice driving instructor. The guys teach the police how todrive in a way you see on TV when they are chasing offenders, complete with defensive driving techniques, and sothere´s not much wrong with my driving (at least I think so).Anyway. I was driving south down the dual carriagewayfrom The Boulevard to La Zenia roundabout in OrihuelaCosta, and wanted to turn left, so I got into the left handlane. I entered the inside lane of the roundabout with myindicator indicating left. Two Guardia Civil motor cyclistsentered the roundabout from the N332 eastbound andundercut me, without any indication.

I had one on my front wing, the other on my rear wing andI was concentrating on both. I wanted to turn eastboundonto the N332 and so I indicated right. The motorcyclistslightly in front started to slow, so I slowed, he slowed more,so I slowed more to match. Then he stopped in front of me,

so I stopped. I beckoned him to go but he refused. Then heshouted a string of abuse at me and shouted at me to goaround the roundabout. I thought discretion the best action,so I went around the roundabout, followed by the two whowanted to go all the way around the roundabout, back theway they came, with me indicating, but with them still notindicating. If any UK police driving instructor had seen thesetwo and what they did, they would never have got on policemotor cycles again! I can understand motor cyclists, especially in Spain, have to take extra care at roundaboutsbecause of the crazy roundabout rules here and the manyidiots who do just what they like without ever indicating. Andthe guy in the lead bike did not know I was watching himand his mate all the time they were on the roundabout. TheUK has roundabout rules which dictate that anyone goingmore than half way around go to the inside lane, indicatingall the time and change indication on the junction prior totheir exit. Not so in Spain, which is completely out of syncwith the rest of Europe, requiring people to go round theroundabout on the outside lane (unless they are overtaking)and not indicate until they are exiting. On that basis, there´snot much point in having any inside lane on a roundabout!It´s because of this craziness there are so many cars withdamage down the sides of their vehicles in Spain. Just goround any car park and count them. At present there´s aEuropean Union and before it disintegrates, it would beextremely useful to devise a common EU highway codewhich everyone should learn. The number of accidentswould then drop dramatically. Or is there a vested interestin having so many cars damaged in order to boost the newcar trade?

qWell folks, it´s started...something I was predicting fora few years now, and we can expect a lot more to

come. I refer to the recent news that 185 branches ofSubway in Britain and Ireland are dropping ham and baconfrom their menus and serving halal meat to pleaseMuslims. In a statement, the sandwich chain said:"Following a strong demand from our Muslim customers",185 outlets in the UK and Ireland have introduced the meat,which is prepared under strict Islamic rules.

Muslims are forbidden from eating any nonhalal food andmeat from pigs and Subway said customers can identify

those stores selling halal food by the special 'Allmeats are Halal' sign, which must be displayed inparticipating branches. In the halalonly branches,ham and bacon has been substituted for turkey hamand rashers, which I think taste of nothing.Traditionally, in halal abattoirs, the throats of the animals are cut while they are fully conscious an actmany campaigners say is inhumane and needlesslycruel. In nonhalal abattoirs, livestock are stunnedbefore killing to prevent any unnecessary suffering.Some halal butchers also practise prestunning,though it is not permitted by some Islamic scholars.Well true Brits, the days of the good old Britishbreakfast are numbered. The smell of porksausages and rashers of bacon cooking in the traditional greasy spoon cafe will be no more in a fewyears’ time. And I can see the day coming when youwon´t find pork sausages and bacon on the supermarket shelves, and it will be goodbye to lovely porkchops.

And we will have no choice but to eat halal meator go vegetarian to avoid eating an animal whichhas had its throat cut without being stunned first.

And why? Because Britain failed to heed the warnings fromEnoch Powell decades ago and instead dubbed him racist.In Britain, killing an animal without prior stunning is illegal,but the law gives special exemption to Muslim and Jewishmeat producers on the grounds of religion. It´s about timethat Britain stopped this absolute nonsense. If it´s cruel totreat animals in this way, then it´s cruel no matter what andjust because it was done that way centuries ago when people knew no better, does not make it right now religion orno religion.

qOK, Jeremy Clarkson is not the brightest in the pack,renowned for opening his mouth without engaging

brain. But he certainly didn´t deserve the furore over recitingthe nursery rhyme Eeny, Meeny, Miny Moe ´N´ word whentrying to make a decision over two different cars. It must beappalling to be anyone in the national spotlight these days,with so many watching, listening and recording every actionand word with the sole purpose of selling a story for bigbucks. The word uttered by Clarkson wasn´t even broadcast, so it must have been one of the recording crew whorushed to the Press. And it certainly doesn´t need the likesof deputy Labour leader Harriet Harman to weigh into thefurore to call for the BBC to sack Jeremy Clarkson over theuse of the "nword", which only a very few people actuallyheard until such a fuss was made, and there was doubtwhether he actually used the word rather than 'slurring' it.The black minority in Britain are more than capable ofdefending themselves and it doesn´t need others trying tostir up more trouble for political purposes.

qEvery month that it continues unchecked, the propertyprice boom in the UK becomes more serious.

I am delighted that new mortgage applicants now facetougher questions about their lifestyle before they are granted a mortgage, and may, as a result, get offered a lowerloan than they were hoping for. This may slow the houseprice bubble down, but it is unlikely to be enough. The problem in the housing market is that demand is greatly outstripping supply, thanks to years of underbuilding of new homes.Add to this the influx of buyers, particularly from EasternEurope eager to snap up luxury homes in the capital as asafe financial haven, new immigrants and baby boomerstrying to get on the housing ladder and you´ve got a crisisin the making. The danger is that prices could crash asquickly as they have risen, simply because of its longtermunsustainability, leaving thousands of people in negativeequity. And if interest rates start rising, as they inevitablywill, there will be a perfect storm. I´ve long said that youngpeople today mistakenly think they can have all the pleasures in life eating out, boozing, expensive trips to the gym,hairdressers and shopping trips, lovely holidays, lavishweddings, stag and hen do´s in exotic places and still havemoney to fund a mortgage. Sadly life´s not like that foralmost everyone and the new mortgage rules may bringpeople back down to earth rather than live in a financialdreamland. It may have been possible a few decades agoto rely on house price rises and be able to borrow more onmortgages to fund a lavish lifestyle, but those days are longgone, and this present financial bubble won´t be aroundlong enough to bring about its return.

Friday, May 9, 201416

A FINE OLD SCAM


Learn the lingo - with a little help from JEANETTE ERATH

SAY IT IN SPANISHSpanish 121

As the weeks seem to be going by so quickly, for me atleast, I thought it a good time to remind you all of the road toSpanish. Although I say it is a marathon, not a sprint, theway time is passing it will, by the time you can speakSpanish well, although not seem like it was a sprint it mayseem like it was just a rather long race. Time goes quicklyand there are always other things that get in the way oflearning, or so it seems, however, as I always remind mystudents the learning process doesn´t only involve hoursstaring at books, and especiallylearning a new craft, which I thinklearning a languge is. Rather itinvolves practical work, you have tolearn the words, then put them intosentences and then use them andunderstand them when they are saidto you, that´s why it´s a craft. it´ssomething which involves hands onexperience, like learning a musicalinstrument or a new sport, after allyou couldn´t learn to play a guitarwithout picking one up or learn tennis without touching a raquet. That´swhy the practical experience of talking and hearing Spanish is a vitalpart of learning. With that in mind, goout and do it, ¡hazlo! You are theonly person who can push yourself, your family, friends andteacher can only do so much, in the end it´s up to you. MySpanish improved vastly when I started translating forfriends. I had to speak, I learnt new words and not talkingwasn´t an option. It was scary at first of course but it wasworth it because it built up my confidence to a point wheretalking to people wasn´t something to fear and if I didn´tunderstand I found the confidence to admit it and ask for a

Pido más pan – I ask for more bread, pedimos ahora –we order now (ask for service)

Preguntar means to ask a question or request information:

Pregunto que hora es – I ask what time it is, preguntamos a qué hora sirven la cena – we ask what time theyserve dinner.

Remember to use the correct verb depending on the situation, we tend to use preguntar a lot more because welearn it due to the word for ´question´ una pregunta, andthis may help you remember when to use it but now you

know when not to and when togo for pedir instead.

Here are some translationsfor you to try:

1.Vamos a________________ el dinero.We are going to ask for themoney,

2. Juan _____________más comida.Juan asks formore food,

3. Voy a___________________a quéhora cierran las puertas. I'mgoing to ask what time theyclose the doors,

4. Los niños siempre_______________________

regalos. The children always ask for presents,5. María _______________________cuándo empieza la

fiesta. Maria asks when the party begins. 6. El chico le_____________________________ a la chica ¿cuál es tunúmero de teléfono? The boy asks the girl for her telephone number.

Next week we will have the answers and some more revision. Have a great week and remember ´Spanish is Fun´.

repetition.So keep that in mind as you continue with your Spanish

and if you don´t think your level is good enough for a conversation with another person, then try out your new phrases onyourself, hear the words, get used to the sounds, and aboveall, have fun!

This week we are going to talk about two verbs that havea very similar meaning, they are pedir and preguntar. Themeaning of those two verbs is basically: to ask, howeverthey are used in completely different circumstances and arenot interchangeable, unlike, for example the verbs, entenderand comprender which both mean ´to understand´ and it

doesn´t matter which one we use, pedir and preguntar haveto be used correctly.

First the conjugations of the verbs:(see table)

So what is the difference and when do we use each one?The difference between the two are quite straightforward.Pedir means to ask for, or request an object, service or

favour.

When one thinks of astrology, the study ofstars and their interpretations into humancharacters (star signs) come to mind. Whilemedical astrology won't give you an updateon your star sign or an indication of what isgoing to happen in your love life or career, itcan help to determine strengths and weaknesses within the human body. Furthermore,medical astrologers can also pinpoint thestate of a disease or pick up things like nutritional deficiencies and healthy considerations by simply studying and analysing yourmedical astrology chart or natal chart.

Medical astrology all works according tothe influence of the sun, the moon, the starsand planets as well as the twelve signs ofthe zodiac: Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces,Aries, Gemini, Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Virgo,Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius. It is basicallya code that has been developed to associate specific astrological elements and plan

ets with various regions of the body.When looking at medical astrology and

the star signs, the human body is segmented into twelve levels, each one representinga specific astrological sign or star sign. If youwere to look at the body from head to toe, itwould be sliced up, with the first sign of thezodiac on top (Aries) and the last sign of thezodiac (Pisces) at the bottom. Each levelrepresents different body regions:

• The head, brain, face and eyes would berepresented by Aries.

• The neck and throat, as well as the thyroid gland and vocal tract would be represented by Taurus.

• The shoulders, arms, hands and lungswould be represented by Gemini, as wouldthe nervous system and the brain.

• The chest and breasts, stomach and alimentary canal would be represented byCancer.

• The chest, heart, spine, spinal columnand the upper portion of the back would berepresented by Leo.

• The digestive system, together with theintestines, nervous system and spleenwould be represented by Virgo.

• The lumbar region or lower region of thespine would be represented by Libra, aswould the kidneys, buttocks and the skin.

• The reproductive system, together withthe sexual organs in both male and female,would be represented by Scorpio. This signalso represents the excretory system andbowels.

• The hips and thighs as well as the liverand sciatic nerve, which is the longest andwidest single nerve in the body, would berepresented by Sagittarius.

• The skeletal system, which includes thejoints and the knees, would be representedby Capricorn.

• The circulatory system as well as thecalves and ankles would be represented byAquarius.

The planets are also associated with certain portions and functions within the body.For example, the Sun represents the heart,spine and general vitality, while Mars represents the muscles, adrenal glands and thesense of smell and taste.

A qualified and competent medicalastrologer is able to draw up a natal chartbased on the date, month and year of birth,time of birth and place of birth. He wouldthen typically analyse the chart to identifystrengths and weaknesses within certainareas of the body. Using the twelve zodiacsigns as well as the planets, medicalastrologers can also identify the possibilityand tendency towards various diseases andtheir states, as well as pick up nutritionaldeficiencies.

A session with a medical astrologer wouldmost likely be required by individuals whoeither have a specific disease, a hereditablecondition or for general health and understanding how the influence of astrology canlead to a better quality of life.

Medical astrologers have also been usedto help patients determine the exact time ofan operation for an optimum and successfuloutcome.

Although medical astrology can help toidentify the workings of an individual'shuman body, it is always advisable to get amedical consultation before attemptingtreatment, and medical astrology shouldmerely be used as a guide to good health.


IS YOUR SWIMMINGPOOL MAKING YOU ILL?

Life in the SpanishCostas will certainly not bethe same without swimming pools. But not manypeople are aware of thehealth hazards associatedwith the byproducts ofchlorine, which is used tosanitize swimming pools. Arecent study at theUniversity of Cordoba inSpain found that a group ofdeadly chemical byproducts of chlorine calledhaloacetic acids (HAAs)was present in the urine ofswimmers less than 30minutes after they emergedfrom a treated pool.

The hazardous effect ofchlorine on human healthhas been known for manyyears and since then anumber of alternative nonchlorine based pool purification methods have beendeveloped. Some of thesemetalbased methods arestill more expensive thanchlorination but their pricesare on the decline due to

increased consumer interest. The most commonuses copper and silver withan ionizer.

The use of metals inwater disinfection techniques is not new. EarlyGreek and African civilizations used copper and silver goblets and vessels fordrinking and storage purposes. The low solubility ofthese metals served as anatural, controlled releasemechanism which addedtrace amounts of theseions to the water. Suchamounts were high enoughto purify the liquid withoutaffecting the taste. Todaysilver and copper metalsare effective alternatives tochlorine for purifying swimming pools. Charged copper and silver particlesinteract with the outermembranes of bacteria,fungus, algae and virusescausing their destruction.Copper also stops thegrowth of algae by inhibit

ing photosynthesis.Furthermore, silverdestroys highly resilientpathogens such asLegionella (the bacteriathat causes LegionnairesDisease). In fact, manyhospitals around the worlduse a copper and silver ionization system to purifydrinking water. Anotheralternative to chlorine is anew device called Floatron,a solar energy copper ionizer that floats on the surface of the pool.

Since many studies haveshown a correlationbetween high toxic chemical load in the body andincreased incidence ofchronic disease, it pays usto do as much as we can toreduce or eliminatesources of chemical contamination.

FOR A FULL BODYDIAGNOSTIC SCAN –CALL DR MACHI MANNU:965071745

DR MACHI MANNU’S ADVICE CLINICEmail your questions and comments to [email protected]

Medical Astrology: What IsIt and How Does It Work?

Erectile Dysfunction is much more common than most people realise and affects upto 80 % of men at some stage in their lives.

It may be due to stress, tiredness, medication, hormonal problems, hypertension, illness such as diabetes, or anxiety about performance. The problem here is that the moreanxious the man becomes the more the partin question refuses to play the Game andthis sets up a vicious circle.

If Erectile Dysfunction is due to one of theabove obvious causes the answer is toaddress the issue in question. Howevermany cases occur for no obvious reason andit is these that we need to be able to helpwith a variety of different approaches.

If the dysfunction lasts for more than acouple of weeks then it is always wise toconsult a medical practitioner as there maybe an underlying physical cause that needstreatment. It may be a symptom of a moreserious problem which needs investigation.

Many men are too reticent to go to theirdoctor, especially over here if we don’t speakthe language and many resort to buyingViagra, Cialis and other similar drugs andoften on the internet.

This really is not a good idea as these

drugs have a host of side effects, some veryserious and I would advise taking these onlyon the recommendation of their doctor.

So as this is the first of a three part articleI want anyone who is suffering from thisproblem for more than 2 weeks to go to thedoctor in the next week and discuss theproblems with him or her.

In my next article I am going to tell youabout the different treatments available forthe problem and in the final article I will begiving you information about natural therapies that you can easily obtain.

The other consideration is to increase thebody’s levels of nitric oxide (NO) as nitricoxide is the natural substance primarilyresponsible for causing and maintaining anerection. Larginine is involved in thisprocess and therefore this week step upyour intake of grains, seeds, beans, nuts andchocolate. You can also buy Larginine fromhealth food shops and is considered to bevery safe to take. However if you have cancer or any form of herpes consult with yourdoctor before taking this supplement.

Contact us today: on 966 191 514 / 722219 450 or email info@slimfiteurope.com

Taking drugs is notthe hard answer


QI have a family history of heart disease. 2 of my brothers have now had

a cardiac bypass. What can I do to prevent suffering a similar fate?

AThe main cause of heart disease thateventually leads to cardiac surgery is

Atherosclerosis, which is a disorder causingthe hardening and narrowing of the arteries.In general, the symptoms that occur willdepend on the part of the body affected.When it occurs in the coronary arteries,which are the arteries that supplies blood tothe heart, it may eventually cause cardiovascular disorders. As you have a strongfamily history of heart disease, it is importantfor you to understand the associated riskfactors. Smoking cigarettes is the maincause of heart disease especially with afamily history. Cigarette smoke containsover 4000 chemicals, and many of thesechemicals have been linked to all kinds ofchronic disease. Ideally no one shouldsmoke, but for some reasons some peoplecannot give up the habit. For such people, aregular detox with Pectasol will certainlyhelp reduce the harmful effects of cigarettetoxins. Pectasol is a scientifically testedagent that binds to heavy metals and toxinsin our cells. And these toxins are known tocause cardiovascular disease. A diet rich infruits, nuts, beans, fish, poultry, eggs, lowamounts of red meat such as the

Mediterranean diet has been shown to prevent or reduce the incidence of cardiovascular disease. Vegetables, fruits, red wine arehigh in the antioxidants: carotene andflavonoids. Antioxidants are very powerfulin preventing cardiovascular diseasebecause they are very effective in neutralizing toxins that damage the heart and arteries known as free radicals. Tomatoes contain lycopene, another powerful antioxidant.Red wine is rich in the antioxidantsflavonoids and polyphenols. These protectthe heart and blood vessels against thedamaging effects of free radicals, and alsoneutralise chemicals that cause inflammation. Legumes, fruits and vegetables lowercholesterol levels. Omega3 fatty acids protects the heart in many ways, by lowering‘bad’ cholesterol levels, preventing plateletsfrom clumping together and blocking arteries, improving the lining and flexibility ofarteries to prevent atherosclerosis, and alsoimproving oxygen and blood supply to theheart as well as lowering blood pressure.Omega3 (28 Euros) and Pectasol (112grampowder; 83.94 Euros) are available fromMedB Health Shop. Call 965071745.Delivery is free.PROTECT AND HEAL YOUR BODYWITH BOVINE COLOSTRUMColostrum is our first food of life. It wasdesigned by nature to defend and protect us

from infections, and to help us grow anddevelop. Most mammals including cows dieif they do not receive colostrum immediatelyafter birth. Colostrum has unsurpassedimmune, autoimmune, allergy, gastrointestinal, athletic, diet and antiaging properties. Itis our first antibiotic and antiviral therapy.Colostrum has had more continued use thanany other health product in all culturesthroughout the world. It is also the most clinically studied nutritional substance we knowof. Humans produce relatively smallamounts of colostrum in the first two daysafter giving birth, but cows produce about 9gallons (36 L) of colostrum. Bovinecolostrum can be transferred to all othermammals, and is 10 times richer in immunefactors than human colostrum. Colostrumhas been demonstrated in the lab to beeffective against deadly viruses, includingHIV, flu, and rotavirus. Researchers in Italyproved that colostrum was three times moreeffective in protecting against the flu thanthe flu vaccine or any other remedy. It hasbeen said by experts that ‘without colostrumwe would be extinct’. Colostrum containsseveral growth factors, and stimulates leanmuscle, bone, brain and nerve tissue growthand development. Even more amazing isthat Colostrum activates and stimulatesimmune responses to pathogens includingviruses, bacteria, and fungus. It not only

wards off their attacks, but primes the bodyto provide an immediate defence if theyreturn. Colostrum also activates the creationand accelerated function of our immunecells such as macrophages and Naturalkiller cells, making them 20 times moreeffective. Natural killer cells seek out anddestroy cancer cells in the body. Colostrumalso contains 3 enzymes that bind to bacteria and destroys them. Also present incolostrum is lactoferrin. Lactoferrin is a protein that transports iron to red blood cellsand helps to deprive viruses and harmfulbacteria of iron they need to thrive.Colostrum’s benefits are universal andalways available no matter what your age.Colostrum can be purchased in health foodshops and pharmacies. But beware. It isextremely difficult to find the real thing. Astudy done showed that most of thecolostrum sold contained less than therequired 16 % immunoglobulin needed forcolostrum to be effective. Many containedless than 5% immunoglobulins. You can purchase your colostrum from MedB clinic. Ourcolostrum is of the highest quality, and hasbeen clinically tested by us. It contains 21%immunoglobulins, and available in powderand capsules. Colostrum is retailed byMedB Health Shop – 60 Capsules (25Euros), 150 gram powder (80 Euros). Call965071745. Free Delivery

HEART OF THE MATTER


SPANISH NEWS

People will have to get shirty when walking round Mallorca’s capital Palma, or facea fine of up to 600 Euros if they are toplessafter leaving the beach. The new law is partof a plan to clean up the image of PalmaCity.

“Obviously the ban won’t apply to theboardwalk or streets adjacent to the beach,”Alvaro Gijón, tourism head for the island’scapital of Palma, said in a press conference.

“(The ban) is for the city centre, shops,museums, public transport and publicbenches.”

“I’ve never seen this problem in leadingdestinations such as London, Paris, Berlinor Amsterdam, and as we want to carry onbeing one too, we don’t want to transmit thewrong image.”

Other measures set to be introduced aimto tackle the problem of balcony jumping,the socalled balconing, as well as “fakebegging” of a coercive nature, with finesranging from 200 to 400 Euros. Those whoare caught soliciting prostitutes can expectsimilar penalties, whilst dog owners will befined if they’re caught turning a blind eye totheir pooches’ business.

PUT YOUR SHIRT ON ITMale students at a Madrid

college have got into a spin intrying to scrap rules banningmen from using the residence's laundry or fromentering female residents'rooms. Despite repeated callsfor its antiquated rules to beupdated, the powers that beat the Duque de Ahumada dela Guardia Civil residence inthe capital have so far resisted pressure to move into the21st century.

Up until now, male students wanting to dotheir own laundry have been told to quietlyfind female friends to do it for them or sendit out to a laundromat. (All students apparently have access to an offsite laundryservice, the cost of which is included in theirmonthly fees). According to the code ofconduct at the residence, which is onlyopen to the children and grandchildren ofGuardia Civil officers, specifies that "use ofthe washing machines by male residentswill result in expulsion, ranging from 15days to three months, from the residence".

The association that represents GuardiaCivil officers is demanding that the rule be

changed. "What is being asked of residentsis obsolete, unjust, sexist and borderlineridiculous," said Francisco Cecilia, of theUnified Guardia Civil Association. "Intoday's world, it makes no sense that maleresidents would have to secretly pass theirclothes to a female or visit a laundromat todo their laundry."

There have been other complaints fromstudents unable to enter their femalefriends' rooms and encountering frequentproblems when receiving visitors. However,any student looking to change the rules,through taking action against management,risks immediate expulsion.

BLOKES WANT TOWASH SHOCK!

A TV ad bySpanish clothingcompany Desigualhas caused a stir byshowing a youngwoman sticking apin into condoms asa means of fallingpregnant more easily. The fashionbrand Desiguallaunched its new TVad ahead of lastSunday’s MotheringDay under the slogan: “You decide”, the same one many prochoicers are using in their protest againstSpain’s stringent new abortion laws. Itshowed an attractive, young woman puttinga pillow under her dress and looking at herself in the mirror as she imagines herselfpregnant. It then cut to a closeup of her witha pin in her mouth, with the uncensored version showing how she pricks the condoms

she will presumably use with her partner.The public response has been overwhelm

ingly negative, with many young men andwomen voicing their discontent via socialnetwork sites. The complaints led Desigualto cut the scene of the young woman makingholes in the condoms from the TV version,showing the before and after as an insinuation only.

PRICK IS WRONGThe world’s most

expensive restaurant isopen in Ibiza, with GlitzySublimotion offering customers a twentycourse‘gastrosensory’ meal fora cool one and a halfthousand Euros per head.Based at the island’s newHard Rock hotel, in Playad’en Bossa, it only hascovers for 12 guests eachnight in a specificallydesigned room. They willbe treated to a luxuriousmeal enhanced by visual, audio and aromatic stimulants.

Double Michelin starred chef PacoRoncero is behind the project, who has fiverestaurants around the world and trained atthe legendary El Bulli in Catalunya. The‘microenvironment’ – where the food is

eaten – will constantly change with lightshows and moving pictures to highlightstages of the meal, such as the arrival ofdessert.

“The microenvironments depend on thecook, who is the emitter,” explains Roncero.

“The receiver is the diner, and the dish isthe message and the setting is the channel.”

STUFF THE TIP


SPANISH NEWS

By Sandra Piddock As Malvolio says in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, ‘Some

are born great, some achieve greatness, and some havegreatness thrust upon them.’ Well, if you count being interviewed for BBC TV’s The One Show as achieving greatness,then this old expat has done it at the ripe old age of 61! I’ma freelance writer, and since coming to Spain in 2008, I’vemanaged to build up a reasonable living writing for expatsites, running a blog on Eye On Spain and working for private clients all over the world. Not the sort of private clientswho peruse the personal classifieds in The Courier, youunderstand – I’d hate for anyone to get the wrong impression!

Like many British expats, I was stunned and a bit scepticalabout the breaking news last week that almost a quarter ofthe British expats in Spain – 90,000 or so – had decided toreturn to the UK for various reasons. After 6 years of writingabout matters Spanish, sometimes the inspiration dries up abit, so I pounced on the chance to do an opinion piece on thenews. It’s here if you want to take a look:

ht tp : / /www.eyeonspa in .com/b logs /wr i te r in spain/12775/90000BritsmayhaveleftSpainbutthisoneisstaying.aspx

I wrote the post on a Friday morning, and on Fridayevening, I had a message via Twitter from a BBCresearcher. My blog post had come up in the search results,and they were flying out to Spain on the Saturday morningto film various expats who were either leaving or staying. Asan emphatic stayer, they wanted me on camera. Theresearcher Laura called me to discuss arrangements, andwhen she said they were filming in Almeria – over 100 milesaway – it seemed like my media career would be over beforeit had even begun. So I was rather excited when she offeredto come to my home at La Finca, Algorfa to interview me.

As we chatted, Laura asked me why I thought peoplewere leaving Spain in droves, and I said I was a bit cynicalabout the figures. After all, they are based on numbers onthe Padron, and since nobody is actually marched down tothe Ayuntamiento and forced to sign up, how do they knowthese figures are accurate? And how did they get hold of thefigures anyway? We are told that this information is notshared with other organisations, but clearly that’s not thecase.

I’m also not totally convinced by people’s reasons forheading back. For example, one often cited reason is thecost of living. Having spent 4 months in the UK last yearwhen my daughter had a stroke, I can categorically say thatwe eat much cheaper and much better here in Spain thanwe do in the UK, and I told Laura this. That gave her thebright idea to film my interview at the market, so wearranged to head for Zoco Market, just outside Algorfa onSunday around noon.

As Sunday approached, I was getting a bit nervous. I’vebeen on television before – I was on Mastermind in 2008and got to the Grand Final, so you’d have thought this wouldhave be a walk in the park. The thing is, when I was onMastermind I knew what I had to do – sit in the black chair,concentrate on the questions and answer as many as Icould, as quickly as I could.

This time I was on camera talking to a presenter andexpressing my views on life in Spain. Would I dry up? WouldI sound like a complete idiot? Would I have a fit of the giggles? Even worse, what if some of those noises that weladies of a certain age tend to emit at times from various bitsof the body decided they wanted to be on the telly as well?I was beginning to wish I’d never agreed to it.

I needn’t have worried, though. The crew were very friendly, not a bit arty tarty at all, and they stressed that they justwanted me to act naturally, and talk to Joe – the presenter –as if we’d just met up in the market and were chatting aboutthe Brits going back. Which is exactly how it’s going toappear on camera, from what I’ve been told.

It was all rather relaxed and jolly, and the Spanish stallholders were fascinated when I explained to them – in mybest Spanish of course – that they were going to be on theon the BBC so everyone in the UK could see how wonderfultheir fruits and vegetables were. That was the cue for themto bombard myself and the film crew with samples of straw

berries, melons, oranges, bananas, grapes, Serrano ham,cheese, nuts and olives. In fact the film crew said they’deaten so much that they would be able to save the BBC thecost of lunch. So our fun loving Spanish market traders haveactually saved the British taxpayers a bit of cash. It gives youa warm, fuzzy feeling inside, doesn’t it? No? Oh well, pleaseyourselves!

The Sunday lunchtime shoppers were all fascinated bythe whole thing too, and while nobody actually asked me formy autograph, I did start to feel like something of a celebritywith all the attention. I was quite chuffed when I was able totell Joe that my 6 kilos of oranges, 3 melons, 4 apples,bunch of bananas and 2 red peppers, plus a kilo of strawberries, came to the princely sum of just over 6 Euro. Thatproved my point that you can live cheaply here, and it tooktwo people to carry my stuff back to the car.

The filming was wrapped up with half an hour to sparebefore the film crew had to head back to Murcia Airport, andI swelled with pride when I was told I was a natural on camera. ‘I bet you say that to all the girls,’ I said to Joe. So nowI’m waiting to see how it all comes over on camera, and if Iget more than 15 seconds of fame out of the two hours offilming. I’ve just learned that The Courier’s Donna Gee wasalso interviewed for the piece, so maybe if the writing workdries up we can do a double act around the bars on theCosta Blanca. After all, they can accurately advertise us as‘Stars of British television.’ That should put a few bums onseats, don’t you think?

Courier TV reviewer Alex Trelinski says: “The reportfrom Joe Crowley aired on Monday night and Sandra wasthe star of the show, bubbling full of personality! The 5minute feature seemed desperate to show that Brits werequitting Spain in droves, but proper objective evidence wasnot available, and it even went into the regular sobstoryabout a villa built illegally on land in Andalucia, which wasnot relevant to the report. Not one of the greatest pieces ofjournalism that I’ve come across in recent months”.

I AM THE ONE!


7-A-DAY RECIPESMethod

1. Put the avocado, chickpeas, garlic, lemon zest and juice ina food processor and whizz together until it forms a chunkyconsistency. Spoon into a bowl, season and stir in the tomatoes.2. Drizzle the onion and mushroom with the oil and sprinkleover the fajita seasoning. Heat a griddle pan over a high heatand cook the onion for 2 mins on each side, then removefrom the pan and keep warm. Cook the mushrooms for 2mins on each side or until softened and turning golden inplaces.3. Spread some of the avocado houmous down the middle ofeach wrap and top with the mushrooms and onions. Addshredded lettuce and a dash of Tabasco, if you like, and wrapup.

CHICKPEA PATTIES WITH CARROT &RAISIN SALAD

Ingredients400g can chickpeas,drained1 garlic clove, chopped1 large egg1 tbsp ground almond2 tsp harissa1 tsp ground cumin3 tbsp chopped parsley2 tsp rapeseed oil, for fryingFor the salad1 tbsp raisins

1 carrot, shaved into ribbons with a peeler1 courgette, shaved into ribbons with a peeler5 radishes, thinly sliced2 handfuls from a bag of watercress, rocket & spinach1 tsp each hemp or rapeseed oil and white wine vinegar, orlemon wedges (optional)

Method1. Tip the chickpeas, garlic, egg, almonds, harissa and cumininto a bowl and blitz with a hand blender until smooth. Stir inthe parsley. Heat the oil in a nonstick frying pan and dollopin the mixture in 8 big spoonfuls, spaced apart. Cook for 5mins on each side.2. For the salad, toss the raisins and all the veg together, butdon’t dress with the oil and vinegar until you are about to eat.If taking to work, add a wedge of lemon to squeeze overinstead of the dressing.

QUINOA, SQUASH & BROCCOLISALAD

Ingredients2 tsp rapeseed oil1 red onion, halved andsliced2 garlic cloves, sliced175g frozen butternutsquash chunks140g broccoli, stalkssliced, top cut into smallflorets1 tbsp fresh thyme leaf

MUSHROOM FAJITAS WITHAVOCADO HOUMOUS

Ingredients1 large avocado, stoned,peeled and chopped400g can chickpeas,drained and rinsed1 garlic clove, crushedzest and juice 1 lemon2 tomatoes, deseededand diced1 red onion, cut into thickrounds2 large flat mushroomsthickly sliced2 tbsp olive oil2 tsp fajita spice mix4 tortillasshredded Little Gem lettuce and Tabasco sauce, to serve(optional)


250g pack readytoeat red & white quinoa2 tbsp chopped parsley25g dried cranberrieshandful pumpkin seeds (optional)1 tbsp balsamic vinegar50g feta cheese, crumbled

Method1. Heat the oil in a wok with a lid, add the onion and garlic,and fry for 5 mins until softened, then lift from the wok with aslotted spoon. Add the squash, stir round the wok until itstarts to colour, then add the broccoli. Sprinkle in 3 tbspwater and the thyme, cover the pan and steam for about 5mins until the veg is tender.2. Meanwhile, tip quinoa into a bowl and fluff it up. Add theparsley, cranberries, seeds (if using), cooked onion and garlic, and balsamic vinegar, and mix well. Toss through thevegetables with the feta. Will keep in the fridge for 2 days.

LAMB WITH BUCKWHEAT NOODLES& TOMATO DRESSING

Ingredients12 cherry tomatoes,quartered1 tsp fish saucejuice and zest 1 lime1 tbsp sweet chilli sauce100g buckwheat noodles2 tsp rapeseed oil1 red onion, halved andsliced1 carrot, cut into matchsticks1 red pepper, deseededand sliced100g shredded white cabbages200g lean lamb loin fillet or steaks, diced4 tbsp chopped fresh mint

Method1. Lightly squash the tomatoes with the fish sauce, lime juiceand zest, and the chilli sauce. Cook the noodles followingpack instructions.2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a wok and stirfry the onion, carrot and pepper for 5 mins or until softening. Add the cabbageand cook for a few mins more. Remove the vegetables fromthe pan, add the lamb and cook for 58 mins so that it is stilltender and juicy. Take the pan off the heat, toss in the noodles, vegetables, tomato dressing and mint, and serve.

SQUASH, MUSHROOM &GORGONZOLA PILAF

Ingredients1 tsp rapeseed oil1 large onion, halved andsliced3 garlic cloves, finelychopped200g chunk butternutsquash, peeled, deseeded and diced140g small button mushrooms125g brown basmati rice700ml reducedsalt vegetable stock10 pieces dried mushroom, chopped2 tsp chopped fresh sagesmall pack parsley, chopped, stalks and leaves separated40g gorgonzola, crumbled

Method1. Heat the oil in a large nonstick pan, add the onion andgarlic, and fry for 5 mins. Tip in the squash and button mushrooms, and cook for a few mins more. Stir in the rice, thenpour in the stock. Stir well, then add the dried mushroom,sage and parsley stalks. Cover and simmer over a low heatfor 3540 mins until the rice is tender – check towards theend of cooking and add a little water if the rice has absorbedall the stock. If there is a lot of liquid, uncover and cook for anadditional 510 mins.2. Take off the heat, fold in the parsley leaves and cheesewith some black pepper, then allow to stand for 5 mins beforeserving.

HONEY MUSTARD GRILLED SALMONWITH PUY LENTILS

Ingredientszest and juice 1 lemon2 tsp wholegrain mustard1 tbsp clear honey2 skinless salmon fillets2 tsp rapeseed oil5 spring onions, sliced175g cooked beetroot(not in vinegar), diced250g pack readytoeat

puy lentils10 basil leaves2 big handfuls rocket

Method1. Turn the grill to high and line a baking tray with foil. Mix thelemon zest and juice, mustard and honey. Put the salmon onthe tray, brush with a little of the dressing, then grill for 57mins – there is no need to turn the salmon over until it flakeseasily when tested with a knife.2. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a wok and cook the springonions and beetroot. Tip in the lentils with 4 tbsp water, coverthe pan and cook for 2 mins to heat through. Tip into a bowland toss with the remaining dressing, the basil and rocket.Serve with the salmon.

VEGGIE MOUSSAKAIngredients

140g dried green lentils2 onions, halved and sliced2 garlic cloves, chopped2 bay leaves1 tsp dried oregano½ tsp cinnamon½ tsp allspice400g can chopped tomatoes1 reducedsalt vegetablestock cube200g sweet potatoes, thinlysliced1 large aubergine, sliced and the biggest slices halved again250g lowfat fromage frais1 large egg50g feta cheese, crumbled4 tomatoes, thickly sliced

Method1. Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Put the lentils, onions,garlic, herbs and spices in a large pan, and pour in 850mlwater. Bring to the boil, cover and simmer for 10 mins.2. Tip in the tomatoes, stock cube, sweet potato andaubergine, then cover and simmer for a further 2025 minsuntil the lentils and veg are tender, and the liquid has beenabsorbed. Remove the bay leaves.3. Meanwhile, beat the fromage frais, egg and cheesetogether. Tip the lentil mixture into a large ovenproof dish,cover with the cheese mixture, then arrange the tomatoes ontop. Grind over some black pepper and bake for 25 mins untilthe topping is set. Will keep for 3 days in the fridge.

Friday, May 9, 201428

After 11 years of the life in Spain, Helen and Robert decided that Helen’s Kitchen was what they wanted to do withthemselves. With Helen’s experience in the kitchen andRobert’s friendly nature they are the ideal combination tocreate a welcoming atmosphere in their light and airy barrestaurant in Roldan town. The food on offer is not your normal run of the mill grub. For example, why not come in andtaste their popular ploughman’s lunch; which is just right ona warm summer’s day, or afternoon tea, with a wide selection of homemade fresh cakes and pastries. There arescotch eggs, freshly made bread and a wide selection ofdelicious meals, all made by Helen’s fair hands.

On Fridays come and sample their fish and chips, and onSundays come and have a delicious Sunday roast, with two

courses for just 10 euros. Wednesday nights are activitynights, and a fun time is guaranteed, together with a tastymeal, such as sausage and mash, or pork casserole.Vegetarians are catered for too. All the big sports events willbe on show on their wide screen TVs, so you can come andwatch your favourite matches in the company of other likeminded enthusiasts.

Helen’s Kitchen also offers a wide selection of breakfastsin their pleasant surroundings, and the homemade cakes,biscuits and pastries are available to eat in or take away.

Opening times are Tuesday to Sunday, 9am till late.Reservations required for Fish and Chips and SundayLunches and Afternoon Teas begin at 3.00pm. To book, orto ask for directions, phone 968 589 157.

HELEN’S KITCHEN – withwafts of freshly made bread


The Los PistolerosWesterners holstered upand rode into the LosRosales Restaurant inGuardamar last weekendwith a bounty of 1500 Eurosto hand out to local charities.The presentation night sawmoney given to AECC;Reach Out; The ButterflyChildren; and needy familiesacross the area. LosPistoleros came together 5years ago and now have 47amongst their ranks whomeet monthly and practicefast draw and shooting competitions.

PISTOL PACKINGDONATION

Help at Home Costa Blanca stages their3rd Annual General Meeting at the start ofnext month. The business will take place atthe Asturias Restaurant, Punta Prima onThursday June 5th, with the first calling at2.30pm, ahead of the start of business at3.00pm. All volunteers are asked to bring theirID badges with them.

HELP AGM

The splash of paint helped the youngstersof the La Siesta Evangelical Church YouthClub to end their springtime programme.There was a spot of paintballing in SanMiguel as past and present members of theTorreviejabased group took on each other inamiable combat, and then there was athemed night on The Body of Christ.

The club is on the lookout for new members aged between 11 and 16 from all dominations (even if you don’t go to church)where the youngsters can learn more aboutthe Bible and how it relates to their lives. Thegroup starts their Friday early evening meetings again in La Siesta this autumn and formore details, call 617 445 223.

A DASH OF COLOUR

Generous Buffaloes of thePhilip Scott Lodge has givenmoney to the HelpAssociation, Vega Baja sothat they put in some rampsto make access easier fordisabled people. 250 Euroswas given by the Lodge, withRon Perrin from Help pickingup the cheque.

EASY ACCESS

The Rojales Neighbourhood Watch Groupgets together for its next meeting on MondayJune 2nd at 11.00 am in Quesada’sMunicipal Centre. Anybody who lives in the

03170 postal area is more than welcome tocome along. For further details aboutNeighbourhood Watch in Rojales, you cancheck out the website, www.rojalesnw.info

Neighbourhood meet

The newly formed AAN charity whichhelps out the needy of San Fulgencio andLa Marina is putting on a Fete and Fashionshow this Sunday. There’ll be a wide varietyof stalls as well as chance to pick up a bargain outfit.

The Fete starts at 11.00 am with the fashion show beginning at 2pm and is beingheld outside the AAN Charity Shop onPlaza Sierra Castilla, in the La Marinaurbanisation under the laundry nearCagney’s Bar.

GOOD CAUSE


Horoscopes By Pandora

Aries March 21 April 19 Old memories, traumas, and phobias fromthe past could affect your mood today,Aries. You might feel depressed withoutreally knowing why. An event in your lifehas brought these feelings near the surface without revealing the source. Ifyou've had any disturbing dreams orvisions lately, write them down. Theymight offer a clue as to what's botheringyou.

Taurus April 20 May 20 A friend might be feeling a little depressedtoday and need some cheering up. Socialevents or group activities could be of greathelp in doing that, and it would do yousome good as well, Taurus. A longtermgoal may finally be reached, justifying acelebration. Interacting with a group couldtake up a lot of your time and concentration, but take care not to get too tired.

Gemini May 21 June 20Pivotal career matters may need to be thoughtthrough today, Gemini. A lot could be at stakeat work in the very near future. Whatever tasksyou need to tend to could require a lot of effortand concentration. There's a danger of sinkinginto a gloomy mood over it, but try to avoid thistrap. You'll probably accomplish whatever it isyou're hoping to do, so hang onto that thought.

Cancer June 21 July 22Today you might find that a longtermdream finally comes true. Perhaps a tripthat you've fantasized about for a longtime finally shows promise of actually happening, Cancer. A practical and methodical approach to arranging the detailsshould make it seem that much more realto you. However, do take care to planeach step carefully so that you don't endup working harder than necessary.

Leo July 23 August 22Some strange and rather gloomy dreamscould come your way tonight, Leo. Theycould, if you let them, catapult you into arather depressed mood during the day.Writing them down might help exorcise thenegative emotions. You could also be a bitdepressed over money. This isn't a goodday to make investments, start a new business, or open up a savings account. Waita few days until the planets relax a little.

A lack of communication with an unhappyfamily member could have you feeling a little downhearted, Virgo. You might wonderif you've done something to offend this person. Chances are you haven't. The bestway to handle situations like this is toencourage the person to communicatewith you. If there's no response, wait a dayor so and ask again. The gloomy mood willpass, so don't make yourself crazy over it.

Libra September 23 October 22The promise of a promotion or raise couldbe on your mind today, Libra. You might tryto visualize the next steps and anticipatetasks that take more effort and concentration than you're used to. Don't panic. It'sbetter to not push yourself so hard. Wait afew days until the planets relax a little andjust do what you need to do no more, noless. You'll be successful in the long run.

Scorpio October 23 November 21You might decide to spend a large part of theday working on a project that requires a lot ofmental energy. Plans to spend some timewith either a close friend or lover might notturn out to be quite what you'd hoped,Scorpio. Your friend could be in a rathergloomy mood. A relaxing evening, perhaps aconcert or funny movie, can release tensionand boost bad moods. Enjoy!

Sagittarius November 22 December 21A gloomy guest could arrive today,Sagittarius, and likely need some cheeringup. Do the best you can, but don't try to doit by cooking a meal. The results of yourefforts might not be all that exciting. This isa great day to go for fast food. Take yourfriend to a movie, concert, or art gallery.This could get your mind off his or her troubles and your mind off your friend!

Capricorn December 22 January 19Some rather depressing informationcould come your way, Capricorn, butdon't take it at face value. It might not beas bad as it seems. Check the factsbefore making yourself crazy. This isn't agood day for visiting or running errands inyour neighborhood, as the traffic could bea nightmare. Anything you try to readtoday could seem boring, so movies arelikely to be the best entertainment now.

Aquarius January 20 February 18Gloom over money matters might catchup with you at some point today, Aquarius.However, there's nothing really major toworry about. Financially, your businessaffairs should be going well, so you'reprobably doing better than you think. A little caution might be in order, especiallyregarding impulse buying or purchasingluxuries. You don't want to end up havingto take items back to the store.

Pisces February 19 March 20

Virgo August 23 September 22

Today you might find yourself feeling a littlelow, Pisces, but it doesn't seem as if there'sany real reason for it. You may just havehad a bad night and need some extra sleep.Some good news from far away could cheeryou up in the afternoon. You might receivean invitation to go out to dinner with a closefriend. You should be feeling like your oldself again by evening.


Richard moved to Spain seven years ago having left his management background behind inthe UK and decided to use his IT skills to helphome users and small businesses with their PCproblems. Now a relaxed 'computer man' he isout and about in the Spanish sun every day,making house and shop calls and using hisvast experience and qualifications to (usually)sort out the problem there and then. Computersare his hobby as well as his work so don’t besurprised to get an answer to your email in theearly hours!

BlueMoon Solutions is the computer and IT services company on the Costa Blanca, they provide quality computerservices at realistic prices and specialise in working with

home users and small businesses.

[email protected] www.bluemoonsolutions.es

Mobile: 655 044 970 Office: 902 906 200

Don’t forget you can follow me on twitter @bluemoonspainAlternately why don’t you sign up for mynewsletter. You can do this by going to:www.bluemoonsolutions.es and fill inthe form that is on any page except thefront page.

RICHARD CAVENDERBluemoon Solutions www.bluemoonsolutions.es

ADVICE: Fred was having problems deleting some photosfrom his tablet.

Hi Richard. Can yougive me a bit ofadvice about aSamsung Galaxy

Tablet 10.1? I seem to havehalf a dozen photos on theGallery that are old photos offmy main computer and noway can I delete them. Theyare not on 'files' downloads oranything else I can find. Anysuggestions? Cheers. Fred

Hi Fred, have youtried pressing andholding on the photo sometimes another menu appears that will then allow you to delete them.

Q

AADVICE: Annika wanted to know what to do when herAVG said “don’t lose your protection”

Hi. Hope everything is ok with you. We got something from AVG yesterday. ''Don’t lose your AVGprotection! Your AVG protection will expire in 28days''. What shall we do? Kind regards Annika

Hi Annika, it sounds like you have upgraded AVG tothe trial version (which lasts only for 30 days), if youhave then you will need to downgrade it back to thefree version.

You can do this by going into the control panel, selectinguninstall a program, click on AVG and click change, then clickon downgrade.This will put you back to the free version.

QA

ADVICE: Ray was having problems opening bank state-ments in .pdf format

Good Afternoon Richard. I have just experienced a problem not had before thatis when going into my bank account online and clicking a statement to print it saysthat I need adobe reader as it is a PDF file, I have this reader ok and can read PDF

files that I have saved previously. The browser is IE 9, also does not work on GoogleChrome. I spoke to the bank and they recommended FIREFOX this I have downloaded andworks fine on the bank PDF files, I also engaged the Norton safe search do not know anything about this browser, in your opinion is it ok or dodgy. Regards Ray Lewin

Hi Ray, it sounds perfectly reasonable to me, it sounds like Internet Explorer hasa problem opening up web based .pdf files that a reset may well resolve and I haveexperienced the same problem with Google Chrome as it uses its own .pdf reader

that doesn’t play well with some of the bank websites. So by downloading and installingFirefox you have essentially side stepped the problem, well done.

Q

AREADERS TIP: Bob had some great advice after readinga problem from a reader in last week’s Courier. It’sgood to shareTIP. Just read your piece in the Courier and wanted to tell you that I recentlybought the cheapest DVD player in Alcampo (it was an IJoy and cost 25 euros.)In the set up options you can set it for universal so it plays any Disc from whateverregion


Ford has dropped thebiggest hint yet that a newFord Focus RS superhatch isdeep into development. Thisimage – which is based on therecently facelifted model –shows how the world’s bestselling car will be turned froma family hatchback into one ofthe fastest frontwheeldrivecars ever made.

Chief operating officer forFord of Europe, BarbSamardzich, told us at arecent company event inMilan: “I can’t give you anyconfirmation today, but let’ssay there’s a strong desire.Something like that makes agreat halo car.”

A Ford spokesman backedup Samardzich’s comment,saying: “We have a rich heritage of RS cars, and we’re notabout to let any competitorsovertake us in that respect.You can rest assured thatMartin [Smith, director ofdesign, Ford of Europe] and his team arefully focused on the future of our performance strategy.”

The hot favourite to feature under the bonnet of the Ford Focus RS is a new directinjection 2.3litre fourcylinder EcoBoostturbo, developed for the entrylevel version

of the latest Mustang. While it’ll produce304bhp in the Mustang, which will arrive inthe UK towards the end of 2014, it could betuned to as much as 350bhp for the FocusRS – matching the previousgeneration limitededition RS500.

To save weight and keep the cost down,the new RS will stick with a frontwheeldrive

layout rather than fourwheel drive, andemploy an electronic differential to maximisetraction in all conditions. The previousgeneration car’s clever Revoknuckle front suspension design will be carried over.

Ford is aiming to keep the price at around£27,000; if it can hit that figure, the RS willoffer one of the best £perhorsepower fig

ures on the road. Whatever package Forddecides to go with, we won’t see the FocusRS in showrooms anytime soon.

If it does get the green light it shouldappear towards the end of the car’s lifecycle.As the Focus is due for replacement in 2017,it’s looking like 2016 before the productionmodel arrives.

Mazda in Hot WaterOver Mazda6 Fire Risk

If you happen to own one of the mostbeautiful midsize cars on sale, the newMazda6, you may want to get to your dealer really quickly. Mazda and the NHTSAare recalling more than 19,000 2014Mazda6 models for issues with the fuelsystem.

Now what happens is actually little awkward, but apparently you can put too muchpetrol inside the tank. The back pressurethat should build up to shut off the pumpdoesn’t do so at a low enough volume.Sure, you could accidentally spill somefuel and ruin your new shoes, but the realconcern is a much different issue.

Imagine you fill up your car on a nice,crisp spring morning, and the temperature

is a brisk 45 degrees. If you have that tanktoo full and the temp gets hot outside, allthat fuel will begin to expand. According tothe NHTSA, that fuel could find its wayinto the charcoal canister which is a partused for improved emissions. Yes, thatmeans fuel is going near the exhaust system. Last time we checked, hot metal andpetrol was a pretty reliable recipe for making fire.

All it takes to fix is a quick adapter in thetank shutoff valve, and it shouldn’t takevery long to fix. Just make sure you getinto your Mazda dealer to have it done.You don’t want your car to burst intoflames because you were too lazy to see adealer, do you?

FORD FOCUS RS BLASTS BACK


Code Cracker is a crossword puzzle with no clues;instead, every letter of the alphabet has beenreplaced by a number, the same number representingthe same letter throughout the puzzle. All you have todo is decide which letter is represented by whichnumber. In this week’s puzzle, 16 represents R and 22represents J, when these letters have been enteredthroughout the puzzle, you should have enoughinformation to start guessing words and discoveringother letters.

CODE CRACKER

CRYTPIC CLUESAcross1 Walls formed of legs andforequarters of mutton? (8)5 Expert witness revealedto be a fool (4)9 Nelson to supply workforce with New Deal? (7)10 I name new state (5)11 Tie up in low river (4)12 Rewrite diverse amendments (7)15 English flower festival(6)16 Fix up extremelyremarkable couple (6)19 Sex and dope arewrong, it's revealed (7)21 Coo! luv starting tolook really with it (4)24 Redesigned River Nilefor a big ship (5)25 Requiring dead engineto be repaired (7)26 Greek character arounda nurse, he's a card (4)27 Loses car damaged bygame (8)

Down1 Think about anappendage (8)2 Chap leaves to gatherfruit (7)3 Sage going out for a longtime (4)4 Crockery from disputedestate (3,3)6 I put in a movement ofthe hand to resign (5)7 Being rank, it is returnedby the Queen (4)8 A doctor I sent to beddrunk (7)13 A trip with O'Connoraround bypasses (7)14 Poor glue ruined thisintroduction (8)17 Somatic form of nuclearengineering (7)18 She's back in academyand then sustained a rupture (6)20 Gas produced by Norseoxen (5)22 Fruit found in plumber'slunch box (4)23 Almost take Boyd out ofthe boneyard (4)

Last weeks SolutionAcross: 1 Humus, 4 Lancet, 9 Macrame, 10 Annex, 11 Read,12 Letdown, 13 Was, 14 Mafia, 16 Until, 18 Gas, 19 Forbear,20 Leer, 23 Clubs, 24 Pinnace, 25 Stepin, 26 Booty. Down: 1 Humdrum, 2 Mecca, 3 Seal, 5 Acanthus, 6Consort, 7 Toxin, 8 Keels, 13 Waterski, 15 Fortune, 17Larceny, 18 Grips, 19 Focus, 21 Erato, 22 Snub.

DOUBLE CROSS-WORDSolve the Double CrossWord puzzle using either the

standard or cryptic clues, the answers are exactly the same.

FILL IT INComplete the crossword grid by using the given words:

Across1 Saunter (6)4 Shut (6)9 Flyer (7)10 Applauds (5)11 Tight (5)12 Housing (7)13 Exciting (11)18 Wellliked (7)20 Range (5)22 Monster (5)23 Organise (7)24 Sore (6)25 Begrudge (6)

Down1 Meagre (6)2 Rule (5)3 Correspondence (7)5 Clearheaded (5)6 Staying power (7)7 Blueprint (6)8 Working class (11)14 Make comprehensible (7)15 Watch (7)16 Small peg (6)17 Discard (6)19 Supple (5)21 Snow leopard (5)

QUICKIE

Last weeks SolutionAcross: 1 Crass, 4 Bent, 9 Regatta, 10 Piano, 11 Get, 12 Lurid,14 Idiot, 15 Yearn, 16 Opts, 18 Edge, 20 Pains, 22 Agree, 23Satin, 25 Pro, 26 Flats, 27 Upstage, 29 Soak, 30 Basis. Down: 1 Circle, 2 Anger, 3 Sit, 5 Emptiness, 6 Trading, 7Magnanimous, 8 Loath, 13 Dyspepsia, 17 Perhaps, 19 Gaffe,21 Unless, 24 Traps, 28 Sob.

Across1 Cáscaras (de huevos,nueces) (6)4 Cebollinos (6)7 Nightmare (9)9 To praise (4)10 Dawn (4)11 Laws (5)13 Serpientes (6)14 Laguna (6)15 Broccoli (6)17 Plátano (6)19 To know (facts) (5)20 Raíz (de planta) (4)22 Coffee (4)23 A veces (9)24 Tiburones (6)25 Sellos (Correos) (6)

Down1 Centuries (6)2 To read (4)3 Escamas (zoología) (6)4 Formón (6)5 Island (4)6 Torcedura (6)7 Passengers (9)8 Pillows (9)11 Far away (5)12 To take out (5)15 Donkeys (6)16 Etiquetas (6)17 Comienza (6)18 Bees (insects) (6)21 Gira (4)22 Eyebrow (4)

SPANISH-ENGLISH CROSSWORDImprove your Spanish clues in Spanish, answers inEnglish or vice versa.

STANDARD CLUESAcross 1 Defensive fortifications(8)5 Foolish one (4)9 South African statesman(7)10 New England state (5)11 Heath (4)12 Brought up to date (7)15 Christian festival (6)16 Make good (6)19 Unprotected (7)21 Close to cold (4)24 Large commercial ship(5)25 In want of (7)26 Bill of fare (4)27 Native American sport(8)

Down 1 Recapture the past (8)2 Tropical fruits (7)3 A long time (4)4 Set of crockery for drinks(3,3)6 Give up (5)7 Row of seats (4)8 Drank (7)13 Roundabout routes (7)14 Introduction (8)17 Science that deals withnuclear energy (7)18 Rupture (6)20 Noble gas (5)22 Purple fruit (4)23 Close by (4)

Scribble Pad

2 letterwords

SoTo

3 letterwords

AceEggEweFluIllIts

LopSin

4 letterwords

AbleAcheApseAtop

BakeBareBlowChapClanClogCokeDaisDietEditElmyEtnaFoalHensImamLobeLureNapsSkuaSled

SonsSoreStepSureSyneTareThouUsed

5 letterwordsAcuteAllot

AmoleAudioCaberCressOdourOperaPoetsPoker

RulesShadeShardSheetShire

ShoneShopsSpateSpreeStairStateSties

SuedeTimerTitle

TokenWakenYeast

6 letterwordsCabinsChromeCornetCoronaDecreeEchoedSpouseStatus

8 letterwords

ReechoedSpeedway9 letterwords

HobgoblinLaborious


canas

charlar con amigos

cumplir años

dentadura postiza

dolor de espalda

el bastón

ir mas lento

jubilarse

jugar bingo

la residencia

la vejez

leer mucho

memorias

nietos

tiempo libre

ver telenovelas

Empareja estas palabras Match the Spanish and English wordsYou will find the answers at the bottom of the quiz.

1.canas, 2.charlar con amigos,

3.cumplir años,

4.dentadura postiza,

5.ver telenovelas,

6.dolor de espalda, 7.el bastón,

8.ir mas lento, 9.jubilarse,

10.jugar bingo, 11.la residencia,

12.la vejez, 13.leer mucho,

14.memorias, 15.nietos,

16.tiempo libre.

a.memories, b.play bingo,

c.the rest home, d.free time,

e.grey hair, f.old age,

g.false teeth, h.grand children,

i.the walking stick,

j.chatting with friends, k.to retire,

l.backache, m.slow down,

n.read a lot, o.watch series,

p.to have a birthday.

Answers: 1e, 2j, 3p, 4g, 5o, 6l, 7i, 8m, 9k,10b, 11c, 12f, 13n, 14a, 15h, 16d

Across1 Stage surname of

comedians Harry andBenny (4)

3 Group of businessmenin a town organised as aservice group and to promote world peace (6,4)

10 In rugby union a formation of parallel lines ofopposing forwards at rightangles to the touchlinewhen the ball is thrown in(43)

11 English ska bandwhose UK Top 10 hit singlesinclude: My Girl, BaggyTrousers, It Must Be Love,House Fun and Wings of aDove (7)

12 North American termfor reindeer (7)

13 Horses’ sounds (6)15 Pasta in the form of

short wide tubes (5)16 According to the New

Testament, one of the threesages from the east whocame bearing gifts for theinfant Jesus (9)

18 Person with an unusual or odd personality (9)

21 Nickname of RobertLeroy Parker, the Americantrain robber, bank robberand leader of the WildBunch Gang in theAmerican Old West: Cassidy (5)

23 Midwestern US statenicknamed the ‘SunflowerState’ (6)

25 Raised platform onwhich a person stands tomake a public speech,receive an award or medal,play music or conduct anorchestra (7)

27 US city that is home tothe Dwight D EisenhowerPresidential Library andMuseum (7)

28 Statue in Copenhagenhonouring Hans ChristianAndersen: The Little (7)

29 Author whose novelscharacterised the Jazz Agein the US: F Scott (10)

30 Large dark antelopesalso called wildebeests (4)

Down

1 Aircraft without wingsthat obtains its lift from therotation of overhead blades(10)

2 Title of the sixth studioalbum by the Eagles,released in 1979: The (4,3)

4 Be more numerousthan (9)

5 Capital and largest cityof Jordan (5)

6 Language used byJews in central and easternEurope before theHolocaust. It was originallya German dialect withwords from Hebrew andseveral modern languagesand still has some 200,000speakers, mainly in the US,Israel and Russia (7)

7 Carnivorous or bloodsucking aquatic or terrestrial worms typically having asucker at each end (7)

8 Northern Irish professional footballer who, in1968, won the EuropeanCup with ManchesterUnited and was named theEuropean Footballer of theYear: George (4)

9 Dead body that has

been brought back to life bya supernatural force (6)

14 Greek mathematicianand physicist noted for hiswork in hydrostatics andmechanics and geometry(287212 BC) (10)

17 Of or relating to tears(9)

19 Twowheeled vehicledrawn by horses, used inancient racing and warfare(7)

20 Fund of money put byas a reserve (4,3)

21 Small, inexpensiverestaurant (6)

22 Piece of ground having specific characteristicsor military potential (7)

24 German architect andNazi Minister forArmaments and Munitions,who designed theNuremberg stadium for the1934 Nazi Party congress:Albert (5)

26 Chunk of ice brokenoff from a larger glacier, iceberg, ice shelf, etc. (4)

Quiz Word

Last weeks Quiz Word SolutionAcross: 1 Scythe, 5 Channels, 9 Macaroon, 10 Log out,11 Sierra Nevada, 13 Reno, 14 Thirteen, 17 Stilwell, 18Data, 20 Penitentiary, 23 Diwali, 24 Omelette, 25Colossus, 26 Shrimp. Down: 2 Coal, 3 Toadstool, 4 Exocet, 5 Congratulations,6 Atlantis, 7 Negev, 8 Laundrette, 12 Lee Trevino, 15Teddy bear, 16 Genetics, 19 Lakers, 21 Imago, 22 Atom.

SUDOKU (Medium) SALLY’S SIMPLE SPANISH

Last Week’s Solutions

Code Cracker

Soduko Span Eng Quizword Fill It In

1. Vodka and orange juice makes up what kind of cocktail?2. Who Appeared On The Cover Of A June 98 NMEDressed As A Tiger?3. Which German Company Introduced The InterrupterGear Enabling A Machine Gun To Fire Through AnAeroplanes Propeller?4. Which Politician took part in a Play called 'TheAccused' in the year 2000?5. Which Pink Creation From Noel's House Party Had AUK No.1 In 1993?6. What Word Is Used To Describe Bell ShapedFlowers?7. What Is The Condition Called When An InternalOrgan Protrudes Through The Wall Of A Cavity InWhich It Is Intended To Co8. When Was The First Baby Born On The AntarcticContinent?9. Who is The Name Of Popeye's The SailorsHamburger Eating Friend?

ANSEWRS1. Screwdriver 2. Damon Albarn 3. Fokker 4. Jeffrey Archer

5. Mr Blobby 6. Campanulate 7. Hernia 8. January 1978 9.Wimpy

general QUIZ

Match these words with their Spanish translations then find them in the wordsearch. (Answers below)

Envejecergetting old


TRELI ON THE TELLY

FridayMay 9

00:35 This Week01:20 Holiday Weatherview01:25 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Don't Get Done, Get Dom12:30 First Time on the Front Line13:00 Bargain Hunt14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 BBC Regional News andWeather14:45 Doctors15:15 The Link16:00 Escape to the Country16:45 Spring Kitchen with TomKerridge17:30 Flog It!18:15 Pointless19:00 BBC News19:30 Weather19:30 BBC London News20:00 The One Show20:30 A Question of Sport21:00 EastEnders21:30 MasterChef22:00 Have I Got News for You22:30 Outnumbered23:00 BBC News23:25 National Lottery Update23:25 BBC Regional News andWeather23:35 The Graham Norton Show

09/05 00:20 BBC200:20 The Birth of Empire: TheEast India Company01:20 Don't Cap My Benefits02:20 This Is BBC Two05:00 Schools Exploring thePast: Post War Britain

06:00 Schools Children of WorldWar Two06:30 History Hunt06:55 Schools Wonders ofNature: Monarch Butterfly Spectacle07:00 This Is BBC Two07:10 First Time on the Front Line07:40 Countryside 99908:25 The Great Interior DesignChallenge09:25 Mary Berry Cooks09:55 Formula 111:35 The Travel Show12:00 BBC News12:30 BBC World News13:00 Daily Politics14:00 Formula 115:35 The Pallisers16:30 Life in Cold Blood17:30 The Hairy Bikers' Food Tourof Britain18:15 Antiques Roadshow19:00 Eggheads19:30 Escape to the Continent20:30 Great British Menu21:00 The Minster21:30 Gardeners' World22:00 Natural World23:00 The Trip23:30 Newsnight

00:35 Harbour Lives01:05 Jackpot24704:00 Tonight04:25 ITV Nightscreen06:05 The Jeremy Kyle Show07:00 Good Morning Britain09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 ITV News Meridian15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 ITV Meridian Weather17:00 Ejector Seat18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show19:00 ITV News Meridian19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Weekend Escapes withWarwick Davis21:30 Coronation Street22:00 Lewis23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather23:25 ITV News Meridian23:30 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament23:35 GoldenEye

01:00 24 Hours in A&E01:55 Random Acts02:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Livefrom the Clinic02:55 Love for Sale with RupertEverett03:50 How to Get a Council House04:45 Unreported World05:10 Shop Secrets: Tricks of theTrade05:40 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures05:55 SuperScrimpers06:50 Deal or No Deal07:45 Will & Grace08:10 According to Jim08:35 The King of Queens09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond10:00 Frasier11:00 Undercover Boss USA11:55 Come Dine with Me12:55 Channel 4 News Summary13:00 Come Dine with Me14:30 Channel 4 Racing16:30 Deal or No Deal17:30 Draw It!18:00 Four in a Bed18:30 Come Dine with Me19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News20:35 Unreported World21:00 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD22:00 Gogglebox23:00 Alan Carr: Chatty Man

00:55 Access01:00 SuperCasino04:05 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun05:00 House Doctor05:45 Great Artists06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas07:10 Igam Ogam07:20 Fireman Sam07:35 The WotWots07:45 Peppa Pig07:50 Family!08:00 Little Princess08:10 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom08:20 The Mr Men Show08:35 Thomas & Friends08:50 Noddy in Toyland09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:15 Peppa Pig09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas10:00 Tickety Toc10:15 The Wright Stuff12:40 Police Interceptors13:40 GPs: Behind Closed Doors14:40 5 News Lunchtime14:45 Neighbours15:15 NCIS: Los Angeles16:15 Mystery Woman: Sing Me aMurder18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Freaky Eaters USA19:30 5 News Tonight19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 Bloody Tales of the Tower21:00 Ice Road Truckers22:00 NCIS23:00 NCIS: Los Angeles

MASTERCHEFThe last of the semifinals sees the five hopefulsfacing one last challenge that could mean the difference between going home and winning a placein the final four. They have 75 minutes to create adish for John Torode and Gregg Wallace that willensure they move forward in the competition.

songwriter, Molly SmittenDownes, who looks the part;she can really sing well; andshe’s written an anthem(Children of the Universe)that has got people thinkingthat it could finish in the tophalfdozen. I’ll take that and Ireally like the song. Molly has

had top 10 success withBritish dance group Stuntand there’s some real streetcred here as well. It’s notabout the winning but at least

Express) may have turnedround a lossmaker andmade it profitable, but justchurning out cheap documentaries and endless BigBrother isn’t good enough. Ihope that Viacom alsorestore Channel 5’s reputation for showing premium USshows, which Desmondseems to have destroyed,with most programmes beingscreened nearly a year afterbeing shown in America,which means the audiencesare minimal, because fanshave just gone onto piratewebsites to catch up withtheir favourites.

qNobody does breakfastTV as well as the

Yanks, as they’ve been at it

for 60 years. For the latestearly morning revamp, ITVhave copied the Americannetwork format for GoodMorning Britain with thepresentation team satbehind a big desk, and Ihave to say that it’s milesbetter than Daybreak andnot a bad watch. The problem is that the viewing ratings are not much betterthan before and the BBCrules the roost. On whatrare occasions I choose towatch the box at that time ofthe day, I always go forSunrise on Sky News,which delivers the goodsand has an excellent host inEamonn Holmes.

It’s Eurovision SongContest time again folks,as wonderful Copenhagentomorrow night stages theannual festival of predictable vote swappingand some over the top performances.

But here’s the good news: the UK actually has a reallygood entry. After the GoodLord Andrew penned adecent ditty for Jade Ewenback in 2009, the BBCseemed to have thrown inthe towel with a dreadfulparade of hasbeens mumbling away in a series ofexcruciatingly bad performances which deserved thehumiliation that they got fromthe voters. This time round,we have a young singer

showing respectability likeJade Ewen did, and I’m gladsomebody at the BBC haswoken up to that. It should begood fun as always and theshows are now spectacularand worth watching asopposed to the rubbish in theold days. I’ve even forgottenabout the great Terry Woganon the BBC commentary,because Graham Nortondoes such a great impression of him! Good luck as

well to Murcia’s RuthLorenzo and her selfwrittenSpanish entry, which is notfancied and frankly doesn’tfloat my boat. That’s a shameas she’s a cracking singer aswe remember well from herdays on The X Factor.

qChannel 5 and its associated channels have

new owners: the Americanmedia giant Viacom. That’sgot to be good news becausethe company, who have iconic TV brands like MTV, VH1,and Nickelodeon, know thebusiness inside out andthey’ve pledged to reallyboost the amount of qualityBritish made shows on thechannel. Exowner RichardDesmond (owner of the

with ALEX TRELINSKI

GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY

39

SaturdayMay 10

SundayMay 11

02:00 Jackpot24704:00 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA04:40 ITV Nightscreen07:00 Dino Dan07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles07:50 Canimals08:05 Sooty08:20 Digimon Fusion08:45 Horrid Henry09:00 Adventure Time09:25 ITV News09:30 Weekend10:25 The Hungry Sailors11:20 Murder, She Wrote12:20 ITV News and Weather12:30 The Jeremy Kyle Show USA13:25 Beethoven's 2nd15:05 60 Minute Makeover16:05 All Star Family Fortunes17:05 Off Their Rockers17:35 Tipping Point: Lucky Stars18:35 ITV News Meridian18:45 ITV News and Weather19:00 Let Me Entertain You19:30 New You've Been Framed!20:00 Britain's Got Talent21:00 Amazing Greys22:00 Prey23:00 The Americans23:50 ITV News and Weather

00:05 Rude Tube01:05 Brooklyn NineNine01:30 Naked Gun 331/3: the FinalInsult02:55 Random Acts03:00 Happy Endings03:45 Southland04:30 Desperate Housewives05:15 Deal or No Deal06:10 SuperScrimpers06:35 Kirstie's Vintage Gems06:40 The Hoobs07:30 Trans World Sport08:30 The Grid09:00 The Morning Line10:00 Weekend Kitchen11:00 Frasier11:30 Everybody Loves Raymond12:05 The Big Bang Theory12:35 The Big Bang Theory13:00 The Simpsons13:35 Marvel's Agents of SHIELD14:30 Channel 4 Racing17:05 Come Dine with Me19:40 Channel 4 News20:05 The Day the Earth Stood Still22:00 Man on a Ledge

00:00 The Nightmare NeighbourNext Door01:00 SuperCasino04:05 The Woman with 40 Cats and Other Pet Hoarders05:00 House Doctor05:45 Great Artists06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge06:15 Wildlife SOS06:35 Michaela's Wild Challenge07:00 Peppa Pig07:05 Roary the Racing Car07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots07:25 Bubble Guppies07:40 The Mr Men Show07:50 Chloe's Closet08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas08:20 Make Way for Noddy08:35 City of Friends08:55 Little Princess09:05 The Adventures of BottleTop Bill and His Best Friend Corky09:25 Angelina Ballerina09:45 Rupert Bear10:00 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 Jelly Jamm10:30 LazyTown11:00 Power Rangers SuperSamurai11:35 Power Rangers Megaforce12:00 Meerkat Manor12:25 The Dog Rescuers12:55 Police Interceptors13:55 Bloody Tales of the Tower14:55 Submarine X116:40 Torpedo Run18:35 5 News Weekend18:40 Attack on the Iron Coast20:25 Battle of Britain23:00 Live International Boxing22:30 Generation War

00:25 National Lottery Update

00:45 Agnetha: Abba & After

01:45 Once

03:05 Weatherview

03:10 BBC News

07:00 Breakfast

10:00 The Andrew Marr Show

11:00 The Big Questions

12:00 Sunday Politics

13:00 BBC News

13:10 Weather for the Week Ahead

13:15 Formula 1

16:15 Final Score

18:30 Points of View

18:45 Songs of Praise

19:30 BBC News; Regional News

and Weather

20:00 Countryfile

21:00 Antiques Roadshow

22:00 The Crimson Field


and Weather

23:25 Match of the Day

11/05 00:05 BBC2

00:05 Generation War: Fact and

Fiction

00:45 Telstar: the Joe Meek Story

02:40 This Is BBC Two

07:05 His Kind of Woman

09:00 Countryfile

10:00 Gardeners' World

10:30 The Beechgrove Garden

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites

12:30 Spring Kitchen with Tom

Kerridge

13:15 MOTD2 Extra

14:00 An Ideal Husband

15:30 Badminton Horse Trials

17:30 Inspire: The Olympic

Journey

18:00 Flog It!

19:00 Escape to the Continent

20:00 Australia with Simon Reeve

21:00 The Best of Top Gear22:00 The Comedy Vaults: BBC2's

Hidden Treasure

23:00 QI XL

23:45 A Beautiful Mind

00:00 Beverly Hills Cop02:00 The Big Dirty List Show: 50Years of Sex and Music03:30 Hollyoaks05:30 SuperScrimpers06:25 The Hoobs07:15 British GT Championship07:40 How I Met Your Mother08:30 Everybody Loves Raymond09:30 Frasier10:30 Sunday Brunch13:35 Secret Eaters14:40 The Big Bang Theory15:40 The Simpsons16:10 Ever After: a Cinderella Story18:30 Deal or No Deal19:30 Channel 4 News20:00 Posh Pawn21:00 For the Love of Cars22:00 Fargo23:05 Season of the Witch

01:00 SuperCasino04:10 GPs: Behind Closed Doors05:00 Wildlife SOS05:25 Make It Big05:50 The Funky Valley Show06:00 Angels of Jarm06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 Angels of Jarm06:30 The Funky Valley Show06:40 Roary the Racing Car07:00 Peppa Pig07:05 Roary the Racing Car07:15 Fifi and the Flowertots07:25 Bubble Guppies07:40 The Mr Men Show07:50 Chloe's Closet08:00 Roobarb and Custard Too08:10 Bananas in Pyjamas08:20 Make Way for Noddy08:35 City of Friends08:50 Little Princess09:00 The Adventures of Bottle TopBill and His Best Friend Corky09:15 Milkshake! Monkey09:20 Angelina Ballerina09:35 Bert and Ernie's GreatAdventures09:40 Rupert Bear09:55 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom10:15 Jelly Jamm10:30 LazyTown11:00 Access11:05 The Dog Rescuers11:40 Cowboy Builders12:40 The Nightmare NeighbourNext Door13:40 Mrs Caldicot's Cabbage War15:50 The Canterville Ghost17:40 Pocahontas19:10 5 News Weekend19:15 Ace Ventura: When NatureCalls21:00 The League of ExtraordinaryGentlemen23:00 The Bucket List

00:04 ITV Meridian Weather00:05 The Eiger Sanction02:25 Jackpot24704:00 Dinner Date: Australia04:45 ITV Nightscreen07:00 Dino Dan07:25 Matt Hatter Chronicles07:50 Canimals08:00 Canimals08:05 Sooty08:20 Digimon Fusion08:45 Horrid Henry09:00 Big Time Rush09:25 ITV News09:30 Weekend10:25 May the Best House Win11:25 Columbo: Butterfly in Shadesof Grey13:20 ITV News and Weather13:30 Big Star's Little Star14:35 All Star Family Fortunes15:20 Britain's Got Talent16:20 Let Me Entertain You16:50 You've Been Framed!17:20 Midsomer Murders19:20 ITV News Meridian19:30 ITV News and Weather19:45 Catchphrase20:30 Off Their Rockers21:00 Vera23:00 Perspectives

THE BEST OF TOP GEAR

The team looks back at highlights of the motoringseries, including the fastest new models, the mostdesirable classics and the craziest stunts, plus thebest and worst of Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.

EUROVISIONSONG CONTEST

Graham Norton commentates on the 59th musicalextravaganza from Copenhagen, Denmark, whowon last year with Emmelie de Forest's OnlyTeardrops. All eyes will be on Molly, who is aimingto become the first UK winner since 1997 with herselfpenned anthem Children of the Universe, andIreland's CanLinn featuring Kasey Smith assuming the latter made it through Thursday's semifinal.

00:20 Bad Education

00:55 EastEnders

02:50 Weatherview

02:55 BBC News

07:00 Breakfast

11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live

12:30 Football Focus

13:10 BBC News; Weather

13:20 Formula 1

15:30 Bargain Hunt

16:30 Monkey Planet

17:30 Bolt


and Weather

19:20 Pointless Celebrities

20:10 The National Lottery: In It to

Win It

21:00 Eurovision Song Contest

2014

10/05 00:00 BBC2

00:00 Weather

00:05 Later with Jools Holland

01:10 Better Mus' Come

02:50 Question Time

03:50 This Is BBC Two

07:00 The Dark Mirror

08:25 Great British Menu





10:55 Formula 1

12:05 Coast


Kerridge


Kerridge


Kerridge

14:45 Nigel Slater's Simple

Cooking

14:50 Talking Pictures

15:25 From Here to Eternity

17:20 The Prisoner of Zenda

19:00 Natural World

20:00 Flog It!

21:00 Dad's Army

21:30 The Culture Show

40

00:00 ITV News and Weather00:14 ITV Meridian Weather00:15 Premiership Rugby Union01:10 The Store03:40 Motorsport UK04:30 ITV Nightscreen05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show06:05 Rory Bremner's Great BritishViews07:00 Good Morning Britain09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 ITV News Meridian15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 ITV Meridian Weather17:00 Ejector Seat18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show19:00 ITV News Meridian19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Gino's Italian Escape21:30 Coronation Street22:00 Prey23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather23:30 ITV News Meridian23:33 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections23:35 Benidorm

00:50 The Woman with 40 Cats and Other Pet Hoarders01:50 True Crimes: The First 72Hours02:15 SuperCasino04:10 Minute by Minute05:00 Wildlife SOS05:25 Make It Big05:50 The Funky Valley Show06:00 Angels of Jarm06:10 Roary the Racing Car06:20 Angels of Jarm06:30 The Funky Valley Show06:40 Roary the Racing Car07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas07:10 Igam Ogam07:20 Fireman Sam07:35 The WotWots07:45 Peppa Pig07:50 Family!08:00 Little Princess08:10 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom08:20 The Mr Men Show08:35 Thomas & Friends08:50 Noddy in Toyland09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:15 Peppa Pig09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas10:00 Tickety Toc10:15 The Wright Stuff12:40 Police Interceptors13:40 Benidorm ER14:40 5 News Lunchtime14:45 Neighbours15:15 NCIS16:15 Trial by Fire18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Freaky Eaters USA19:30 5 News Tonight19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 Classic Car Rescue21:00 DIY Dummies22:00 The Greatest Ever WarMovies

00:55 Underworld: Evolution02:45 Southland03:30 The Hotel04:30 Obsessive CompulsiveCleaners05:25 SuperScrimpers05:50 Hugh's 3 Good Things: BestBites05:55 Deal or No Deal07:45 According to Jim08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun08:35 The King of Queens09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond10:00 Frasier11:00 Undercover Boss USA12:00 Come Dine with Me13:00 Channel 4 News MiddaySummary13:05 Come Dine with Me14:40 A Place in the Sun: SummerSun15:40 Countdown16:30 Deal or No Deal17:30 Draw It!18:00 Four in a Bed18:30 Come Dine with Me19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News21:00 Britain's Most ExtremeWeather22:00 The Island with Bear Grylls23:00 Man vs Weird

THIS WORLDBrazil now boasts more billionaires than Britainand Rio de Janeiro's Copacabana Palace hotel is amagnet for Brazil's new wealthy elite, having playedhost over the past 90 years to everyone from OrsonWelles to Justin Bieber. This documentary followsthe lives of the staff and guests over the course ofthree months, revealing how the hotel's storyreflects the fortunes of the entire nation which isincreasingly a country of extraordinary extremes.David Morrissey narrates.

00:25 The Graham Norton Show01:10 Weatherview01:15 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Caught Red Handed12:30 First Time on the Front Line13:00 Bargain Hunt14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 BBC Regional News andWeather14:45 Doctors15:15 The Link16:00 Countdown to Chelsea16:45 Escape to the Country17:30 Flog It!18:15 Pointless19:00 BBC News19:30 BBC London News19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 The One Show20:30 EastEnders21:00 Holby City22:00 Happy Valley23:00 BBC News23:25 BBC Regional News andWeather23:35 National Lottery Update23:35 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections23:40 Monks

13/05 00:20 BBC200:20 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections00:25 Blurred Lines: The NewBattle of the Sexes01:25 Louis Theroux's LA Stories02:25 This Is BBC Two05:00 A Question of Faith06:00 Schools In My Shoes Plus:

China07:00 This Is BBC Two07:20 Homes Under the Hammer08:20 Caught Red Handed08:50 First Time on the Front Line09:20 Countryside 99910:05 Collectaholics11:05 Real Lives Reunited11:35 HARDtalk12:00 BBC News12:30 BBC World News13:00 Daily Politics14:00 The Super League Show14:45 One Man and HisCampervan15:15 The Pallisers16:05 Coast16:45 Great British Garden Revival17:45 Raymond Blanc's KitchenSecrets18:15 Antiques Roadshow18:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:00 Eggheads19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip20:30 Great British Menu21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge22:00 Watermen: A Dirty Business23:00 Later Live with JoolsHolland23:30 Weather23:30 Newsnight

BEN FOGLE'SANIMAL CLINIC

At the equine hospital, surgeon Neil Townsendoperates on a horse that is at serious risk of dyingfrom colic and he has to flush out more than 70litres of undigested grass from its stomach toclear the blockage. In the small animal clinic,Paolo Silvestrini treats a rescue kitten that cannotstop sneezing, while farm vet Jo Oultram is calledin to help Chester Zoo staff perform a vasectomyon a Congo buffalo.

00:35 Joanna Lumley's GreekOdyssey01:35 Jackpot24704:00 UEFA Champions LeagueWeekly04:25 ITV Nightscreen05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show06:05 Rory Bremner's Great BritishViews07:00 Good Morning Britain09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 ITV News Meridian15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 ITV Meridian Weather17:00 Ejector Seat18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show19:00 ITV News Meridian19:25 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Harry Potter and the Order ofthe Phoenix23:10 ITV News and Weather23:40 ITV News Meridian23:44 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections23:45 The Cube

00:00 Gogglebox01:05 Random Acts01:10 Fargo02:05 Scandal02:55 Southcliffe03:50 Mr Drew's School for Boys04:45 Obsessive CompulsiveCleaners05:40 Deal or No Deal06:35 Kirstie's Vintage Gems06:55 Countdown07:40 According to Jim08:05 3rd Rock from the Sun08:30 The King of Queens08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond10:00 Frasier11:00 Undercover Boss USA12:00 Come Dine with Me13:00 Channel 4 News MiddaySummary13:05 Come Dine with Me14:40 A Place in the Sun: SummerSun15:40 Countdown16:30 Deal or No Deal17:30 Draw It!18:00 Four in a Bed18:30 Come Dine with Me19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News21:00 Embarrassing Bodies: Livefrom the Clinic22:00 Mr Drew's School for Boys23:00 16 Kids and Counting23:55 Coppers

01:00 The True Story01:55 Access02:05 SuperCasino04:10 Police Interceptors05:00 House Doctor05:45 Great Artists06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas07:10 Igam Ogam07:20 Fireman Sam07:35 The WotWots07:45 Peppa Pig07:50 Family!08:00 Little Princess08:10 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom08:20 The Mr Men Show08:35 Thomas & Friends08:50 Noddy in Toyland09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:10 Milkshake! Monkey09:15 Peppa Pig09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas10:00 Tickety Toc10:15 The Wright Stuff12:40 Police Interceptors13:40 Classic Car Rescue14:40 5 News Lunchtime14:45 Neighbours15:15 NCIS16:15 Wandering Eye18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Freaky Eaters USA19:30 5 News Tonight19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun21:00 Ben Fogle's Animal Clinic22:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors23:00 The Mentalist23:55 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit

MondayMay 12

TuesdayMay 13

00:55 Reggie Yates: Extreme SouthAfrica01:55 Weatherview02:00 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Caught Red Handed12:30 First Time on the Front Line13:00 Bargain Hunt14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 BBC Regional News andWeather14:45 Doctors15:15 The Link16:00 Countdown to Chelsea16:45 Escape to the Country17:30 Flog It!18:15 Pointless19:00 BBC News19:30 BBC London News19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 The One Show20:30 The Storms That Shook theSouth West21:00 EastEnders21:30 Panorama22:00 DIY SOS23:00 BBC News23:25 BBC Regional News andWeather23:35 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections23:40 Have I Got a Bit More Newsfor You

12/05 01:55 BBC201:55 Expired03:35 Countryfile

04:30 Holby City05:30 This Is BBC Two07:20 Homes Under the Hammer08:20 Animal Park08:50 First Time on the Front Line09:20 Countryside 99910:05 The Planners11:05 Real Lives Reunited11:35 Click12:00 BBC News12:30 BBC World News13:00 Daily Politics14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking14:15 Life in Cold Blood15:15 The Pallisers16:05 Coast16:45 Great British Garden Revival17:45 Raymond Blanc's KitchenSecrets18:15 Antiques Roadshow18:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:00 Eggheads19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip20:30 Great British Menu21:00 Nature's Weirdest Events22:00 This World23:00 Mock the Week Looks Back23:30 Newsnight

41

01:45 Jackpot24704:00 British Touring CarChampionship05:15 ITV Nightscreen06:05 Rory Bremner's Great BritishViews07:00 Good Morning Britain09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 ITV News Meridian15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 ITV Meridian Weather17:00 Ejector Seat18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show19:00 ITV News Meridian19:25 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Tonight21:00 Emmerdale21:30 Paul O'Grady: For the Loveof Dogs22:00 Wanted: A Family of My Own23:00 ITV News at Ten andWeather23:30 ITV News Meridian23:35 Billy Connolly's Big Send Off

00:05 Alan Carr: Chatty Man01:05 Mercury Prize Sessions01:50 Random Acts01:55 Josh (12A)03:35 Sunset Blvd05:30 Four Rooms06:25 SuperScrimpers06:50 Deal or No Deal07:45 According to Jim08:10 3rd Rock from the Sun08:35 The King of Queens09:00 Everybody Loves Raymond10:00 Frasier10:55 Undercover Boss USA11:55 Come Dine with Me12:55 Channel 4 News MiddaySummary13:00 Come Dine with Me14:30 Channel 4 Racing16:30 Deal or No Deal17:30 Draw It!18:00 Four in a Bed18:30 Come Dine with Me19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News21:00 Posh Pawn22:00 Heston's Great British Food23:00 Ramsay's KitchenNightmares USA

00:50 Law & Order: Special VictimsUnit01:45 True Crimes: The First 72Hours02:10 SuperCasino04:10 Gibraltar: Britain in the Sun05:00 House Doctor05:45 Great Artists06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge06:35 Nick's Quest07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas07:10 Igam Ogam07:20 Fireman Sam07:35 The WotWots07:45 Peppa Pig07:50 Family!08:00 Little Princess08:10 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom08:20 The Mr Men Show08:35 Thomas & Friends08:50 Noddy in Toyland09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:15 Peppa Pig09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas10:00 Tickety Toc10:15 The Wright Stuff12:40 Police Interceptors13:40 DIY Dummies14:40 5 News Lunchtime14:45 Neighbours15:15 NCIS16:15 Jane Doe: The Wrong Face18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Freaky Eaters USA19:30 5 News Tonight19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 Police Interceptors21:00 Cowboy Builders22:00 Trauma Doctors23:00 Person of Interest

00:10 Live at the Apollo00:55 Management02:25 Weatherview02:30 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Caught Red Handed12:30 First Time on the Front Line13:00 Bargain Hunt14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 BBC Regional News andWeather14:45 Doctors15:15 The Link16:00 Countdown to Chelsea16:45 Escape to the Country17:30 Flog It!18:15 Pointless19:00 BBC News19:30 BBC London News19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 The One Show21:00 Watchdog22:00 MasterChef23:00 BBC News23:25 BBC Regional News andWeather23:35 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections23:40 A Question of Sport

14/05 00:20 BBC200:20 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections00:25 This World01:25 Monkey Planet02:25 This Is BBC Two05:00 Porn What's the Harm?05:30 Schools Body Matters06:00 Schools In My Shoes:Germany & the Netherlands

06:55 Schools Wonders of Nature:Grass Cutter Ants Teamwork07:00 This Is BBC Two07:15 Homes Under the Hammer08:15 Caught Red Handed08:45 First Time on the Front Line09:15 Countryside 99910:00 Antiques Roadshow11:00 Bang Goes the Theory11:30 See Hear12:00 BBC News12:30 Daily Politics14:00 The A to Z of TV Cooking14:15 Life in Cold Blood15:15 The Pallisers16:05 Coast16:45 Great British Garden Revival17:45 Raymond Blanc's KitchenSecrets18:15 Antiques Roadshow18:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:00 Eggheads19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip20:30 Great British Menu21:00 Under Offer: Estate Agentson the Job22:00 Coast22:10 Coast Australia23:00 Episodes23:30 Newsnight

00:55 Random Acts01:00 Poker01:55 KOTV Boxing Weekly02:25 Trans World Sport03:20 British GT Championship03:50 The Grid04:15 Four Rooms05:10 Deal or No Deal06:05 SuperScrimpers06:35 Kirstie's Handmade Treasures06:55 Countdown07:40 According to Jim08:05 3rd Rock from the Sun08:30 The King of Queens08:55 Everybody Loves Raymond10:00 Frasier10:55 Undercover Boss USA11:55 Come Dine with Me12:55 Channel 4 News MiddaySummary13:00 Come Dine with Me14:30 Channel 4 Racing16:30 Deal or No Deal17:30 Draw It!18:00 Four in a Bed18:30 Come Dine with Me19:00 The Simpsons19:30 Hollyoaks20:00 Channel 4 News21:00 The Supervet22:00 24 Hours in A&E23:00 Derek23:35 Cardinal Burns

00:50 Body of Proof01:40 True Crimes: The First 72Hours02:10 SuperCasino04:10 The OAP Killer: First Kill,Last Kill05:00 House Doctor05:45 Great Artists06:10 Michaela's Wild Challenge07:00 Bananas in Pyjamas07:10 Igam Ogam07:20 Fireman Sam07:35 The WotWots07:45 Peppa Pig07:50 Family!08:00 Little Princess08:10 Ben and Holly's LittleKingdom08:20 The Mr Men Show08:35 Thomas & Friends08:50 Noddy in Toyland09:00 Fifi and the Flowertots09:10 Milkshake! Monkey09:15 Peppa Pig09:35 Toby's Travelling Circus09:45 Bananas in Pyjamas10:00 Tickety Toc10:15 The Wright Stuff12:40 Police Interceptors13:40 Cowboy Builders14:40 5 News Lunchtime14:45 Neighbours15:15 NCIS16:15 Flirting with Danger18:00 5 News at 518:30 Neighbours19:00 Freaky Eaters USA19:30 5 News Tonight19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 The Nightmare NeighbourNext Door21:00 Minute by Minute22:00 NCIS23:00 Castle

00:45 Wild Britain with Ray Mears01:10 Jackpot24704:00 Loose Women04:45 ITV Nightscreen05:10 The Jeremy Kyle Show06:05 Rory Bremner's Great BritishViews07:00 Good Morning Britain09:30 Lorraine10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show11:30 This Morning13:30 Loose Women14:30 ITV News and Weather14:55 ITV News Meridian15:00 Jo Frost Family Matters16:00 Dickinson's Real Deal16:59 ITV Meridian Weather17:00 Ejector Seat18:00 The Paul O'Grady Show19:00 ITV News Meridian19:25 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:30 ITV News and Weather20:00 Emmerdale20:30 Coronation Street21:00 Big Star's Little Star22:00 Billy Connolly's Big Send Off23:00 ITV News at Ten and Weather23:30 ITV News Meridian23:33 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections23:35 Tomorrow Never Dies

EPISODESNew series. Matt continues to fight for custody ofhis children as he tries to persuade his exwife toforgive him for sleeping with his stalker.Meanwhile, Sean and Beverly are back together,but soon discover it's not so easy to heal oldwounds, especially when additional secrets arerevealed about their time apart. Over at the network, Carol's ambitions are dealt a cruel blow.

WednesdayMay 14

ThursdayMay 15

00:10 Room 101 Extra Storage00:50 Dragonfly02:30 Weatherview02:35 BBC News07:00 Breakfast10:15 Fake Britain11:00 Homes Under the Hammer12:00 Caught Red Handed12:30 First Time on the Front Line13:00 Bargain Hunt14:00 BBC News; Weather14:30 BBC Regional News andWeather14:45 Doctors15:15 The Link16:00 Countdown to Chelsea16:45 Escape to the Country17:30 Flog It!18:15 Pointless19:00 BBC News19:30 BBC London News19:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament20:00 The One Show20:30 EastEnders21:00 The Food Inspectors22:00 MasterChef23:00 BBC News23:25 BBC Regional News andWeather23:35 Question Time

15/05 00:20 BBC200:20 Party Election Broadcast forthe English Local Elections00:25 Watermen: A Dirty Business01:25 See Hear01:55 The Birth of Empire: TheEast India Company02:55 This Is BBC Two05:00 Strictly Soulmates05:30 Schools Divine Women06:00 Schools Virtually There:Germany06:30 Schools Virtually There:France06:55 Wonders of Nature: Stoat

Play07:00 This Is BBC Two07:20 Homes Under the Hammer08:20 Caught Red Handed08:50 First Time on the Front Line09:20 Countryside 99910:05 Mind the Gap: London vs theRest11:05 Gardeners' World11:35 HARDtalk12:00 BBC News12:30 BBC World News13:00 Daily Politics14:00 Instant Restaurant14:45 One Man and HisCampervan15:15 The Pallisers16:05 Coast16:45 Great British Garden Revival17:45 Raymond Blanc's KitchenSecrets18:15 Antiques Roadshow18:55 Party Election Broadcast forthe European Parliament19:00 Eggheads19:30 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip20:30 Great British Menu21:00 The Big Allotment Challenge22:00 Thalidomide The Fifty YearFight23:00 The Sarah Millican TelevisionProgramme23:30 Weather23:30 Newsnight

HESTON'S GREATBRITISH FOOD

Heston Blumenthal seeks inspiration from thenation's rich history of chocolatemaking to create a supersized chocolate bar. With help fromleading brands, the chef crafts a homage to several popular treats as part of the firstever Great Barof Britain, which he unveils at a feast. He alsomakes a `Moos bar' a combination of beefnougat, shortbread biscuit, and beef andGuinness caramel and a unique range of goodiesin an edible box.


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International ChristianAssembly, Calle Pilar deHoradada 5, Torrevieja.Evangelical nondenominational church. Sunday services 11am. Children'schurch 11am. House groupsin Torrevieja, Los Balcones,San Javier. Ladies meetingThursdays 11am. Craft club,Tuesdays, 2pm. Pastor,Rafael Restrepo. All nationalities welcome. Call 966799 273 or 660 127 276.

Pilar Christian CommunityChurch Calle Canalejas 3.Pilar de la Horadada.Sunday Service at 11am,and Thursday at 5pm forPrayer and Praise andWorship. Home groupsmeet during the week. Allwelcome from any Churchbackground or none. Forfurther information contactPilarChristian.CommunityCh u r c h @ g m a i l . c o m968575417 or 966848806.Easter Services, GoodFriday at 11 am with HolyCommunion, and EasterSunday at 11 am.The Church of Jesus Christof Latter Day Saints(Mormons) meet at 10.00each Sunday at theirTorrevieja meetinghouse inthe Torreaguas building onthe corner of Rambla JuanMateo Garcia 104, close tothe windmill in Torrevieja,667 533 597.The rainbow centre for spiritual awareness. We meet inthe function room at Sacosbar el Liminar just off the CV905 Rojales Torrevieja road.

We have a divine serviceevery Sunday at 11am andon Wednesdays we hold anevening of clairvoyance at7.30 pm. Also there is anopen circle held every wedevening at 5.30 pm for anyone interested in clairvoyance. Healing is available bytrained and certified healersafter each meeting a warmwelcome to friends old andnew. The mediums for May2014 are Sunday 4thJacqueline Holland hunt.Wed 7th David Darnbourgh.Sunday 11th Ray BaileyWed 14th Debie Blevins.Sunday 18th Morag BullockWed 21st Morag Bullock.Sunday 25th Anna MarieWed 28th Jimmy McArthur

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Viva Villa and VacationServices, For Short or LongTerm Rentals visit: www.villaandvacation.com or Call:965 707 188 or 626 397 397Santiago de la Ribera 2 bedroom townhouse close tobeach and shops with communal pool €350 monthlyshort or long term lease Call0044 7890996330 968570645 (162)Ref: 61, A lovely two bedroomed ground floor apart

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ment, located in the centreof the small Spanish town ofLos Montesinos, With apleasant communal swimming pool adjacent & allamenities in walking distance. Long and short termrental available. Call: 965707 188 or 626 397 397 Ref: 104, 2 Bedroom apartment in Torrevieja, (neargypsy lane), small balcony,near all amenities andFriday market. €350pcmCall: 965 707 188 or 626397 397Ref: 112, Spacious 3 bedroom detached villa with itsprivate pool is located on theEl Raso urbanisation nearGuardamar. Convenient forall amenities, shops, supermarket, restaurants andbars. Short term rental available. Call: 965 707 188 or626 397 397 Ref: 63, Two bedroom 1stfloor apartment situated inMolino Blanco. The propertyoverlooks a superb commu

nal pool area, in within walking distance of bars, restaurants and shops. Short orlong term rental available.Call: 965 707 188 or 626397 397

WANTED! Properties, alltypes, in the Torrevieja areawanted for long term rentals.Call us on 96 692 3963

Ref: KP3100, €183,000.Three bedroom, two bathroom detached villa, locatedin San Luis, on a 450sqmplot, with communal pool.Garage to side of house.Call: 965 707 188 or 626397 397Opportunity to purchase atthe off plan price of 195.000euros. Large 4 Bed, 3 BathBrand new property. Secureunderground parking for 2

cars and communal pool.Situated opposite GranAlacant and over looks projected golf course. Ref No.K52. 627 711 155Rare opportunity to purchase on Mediterrania III,Gran Alacant. 2 bedrooms,2 bathrooms, PrivateParking, F/Furnished, Largecommunal pools & Tenniscourts S/W facing,Dramatically reduced forquick sale to 126.000 euros.Ref No. K58 Call 627 711155 for immediate viewingLovely Corner property inNovamar V, Gran Alacant. 2bedrooms, 2 BathroomsBeing sold fully furnishedincluding appliances, Hassecure underground parkingand faces large oasis communal pool. Walking distance to beach. 139.000Euros, Call 627 711 155 andquote Ref No. K10Don Pueblo, Gran Alacant. 3Bedrooms, 3 Bathrooms,Large Kitchen with Galleria,Secure underground parking, Gas Central Heating,

Glazed in Porch, Solariumwith stunning views.Viewings absolutely essential. Very large property atreduced price of 190.000euros. Ref No. K38 Call 627711 155 Immaculate ground floorDuplex, 2 beds, 2 bath,Private Parking, Situated inNovamar, Gran Alacant.Price includes very tastefulfurniture and white goods.Walking distance to all localamenities and beach. Nowonly 129,750 euros. Ref NoK24. 627 711 155Ref: 78, €110,000. Threebedroom Quad in Jardin DelMar VII. There is offroadparking and small storageshed in the enclosed gardenarea, communal pool nearby. Call: 965 707 188 or 626397 3972 Bed, 1 Bath Ground floorduplex. Central heating,Grills, Fully furnished,Glazed in Galleria, 2 communal pools, private parkingand walking distance to theGran Alacant commercial

centre. Situated in the popular urbanisation of PuertoMarino. Now only 96,500euros for quick sale Ref No.K46. 627 711 155Recently reduced 4 Bed, 3Bath Villa, in Gran Alacant.Quiet Location, ExceptionalViews. Converted Underbuild, 2 Lounges, 2Kitchens, Private Garageand being sold FullyFurnished, now only239.950 Ref: L81 Tel.680333242Gran Alacant Detached villa,located in a very soughtafter location.Situated on a560m2 S/W facing plot andconstructed in 2005.Comprising of 3 bedrooms,3 bathrooms (2 full baths),LoungeDiner, fullyequipped Kitchen, Porchand Solarium with Alicante &Sea Views. ref.L81.€258,000 neg. Tel.680333242Gran Alacant Town Housewith a difference. 2Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms,Glazed in Porch, QuietLocation, Extra storage

areas, and South FacingPrivate Pool as well as 2communal pools. FullyFurnished, All mod cons.Greenland Views and alllocal amenities close by.Ref. No L79. 179.000 euros680 333 2422 Bedroom, 2 Bathroom,Unfurnished Mid TerracedTownhouse in GA. Recentlydecorated throughoutmeans this property is avery clean black canvass.Has AirCon & SecurityGrills and the use of aCommunal Pool. Pricerecently reduced to110.000e Ref.K12 Tel.627711155


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Ref: 104 Lovely 2 BedroomApartment, close to Shops,walking distance to FridayMarket and Town Centreand the beach. The propertyis close to the HabaneresShopping Centre andAquapark. Recently refurbished apartment in a goodcentral location.Conveniently situated for allthe facilities of this modernvibrant town, and only a fewblocks away fromTorreviejas excellent seafront with its abundantcafes, restaurants andshops. Price €43950 Call:965 707 188 or 626 397 397Gran Alacant, Situated inthe "Alto" part of GranAlacant, this 3 bedroomed,4th floor apartment, offersluxury accommodation, withabsolutely stunning seaviews, as well as views ofAlicante bay and the famousSanta Barbara Castle.Theapartment is 89 squaremeters with open plankitchen / living room andincludes all electrical appliances & furniture also thereis a utility room, open ter

race, and private parking.The urbanisation also offersmany communal pools, tennis courts, restaurants andbars. Ref. K20 €109,000 Tel680333242Viva Villa and VacationServices are pleased to offerproperty sales for theTorrevieja and Oriheulaareas of the Costa Blanca,Spain. Call: 965 707 188 or626 397 397 or Visit :www.villaandvacation.comGran Alacant villa located ina very quiet area , situatedat the end of a culdesacmeans there is no throughtraffic.3 bed, 3 bath, 330m2plot, established large gardens, working fireplace,solar panel for hot water,private parking, south facinggreat views, fully furnished,fantastic opportunity. ref.L85. €215,000 Tel680333242Beach front Line property,over looks CarabassiBeach, Gran Alacant. 2Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms,Secure UndergroundParking, Fully furnished,Roof Top Solarium. 3 Large

Communal Pools, Fantasticcommunal Gardens, TennisCourts and much more.125.000 Euros Ref No. K23.Tel. 627 711 155Ref: 516, €23,950. Studioapartment in San Luis, closeto amenities. Open plan fullyequipped kitchen. Goodsized lounge, bedroom andout onto balcony which hasbeen glazed to createanother room. Call: 965 707188 or 626 397 397 Lovely clean detached Villajust as you enter GranAlacant. Very central location, 3 Bedrooms, 3Bathrooms, Glazed inPorch, Garden Shed,Private Parking, AttractiveGardens, Private pool Ref:K59 240.000e Tel.627711155Offers Invited on a midTerraced Town house inGran Alacant. Comprising of3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms,Lounge Diner, Galleria,Solarium, Under build.Communal Pool andGardens, and withExceptional Views ofAlicante. Being Sold FullyFurnished including WhiteGoods. Ref. K42 Tel.627711155 (reasonableoffers only)Reduced for a quick sale to95.000 e 2 Bedroom, 1 bathroom, Top Floor Duplex inGran Alacant. Very ModernProperty with Many extras.Glazed in Porch, Roof TopSolarium, Wooden Flooring.Immaculate condition andready to move in. Ref. K15Tel. 627711155.Gran Alacant, Situated onthe very first urbanisation asyou enter Gran Alacant, this

2nd floor duplex offers tasteand quality. Comprising of 2bedrooms, 1 bathroom,loungediner, independentkitchen, full rooftop solarium with superb views andrecently glazed in porchoffering extra living area aswell as extra privacy as theglass is mirrored. Ref.K44€108,000 Tel 680333242Gran Alacant southfacing,very private villa, with woodland and Alicante views.Situated at the end of asmall culdesac whichmeans this villa enjoys avery peaceful location.3Bedrooms with fittedwardrobes, 3 Bathrooms,loungediner with workingfireplace, fully fitted kitchenwith including white goods,large front porch,solarium,workshop and storage in under build, centralheating, air con H/C, ceilingfans, grills, UK T.V, off roadparking and plenty of outside parking also. Due to itsorientation of this propertyenjoys full sun, all day,something very important inthe winter months. Ref.K24.€237,000 Tel 680333242

Experienced quizmaster/question setter withpersonality available to hostquiz nights in local bars.Tel: 664 838 581

RADIO COSTA INTERNATIONAL needs motivatedsellers. Spanish, Englishand German language is abonus but not essential.

Training and good earningsguaranteed. For more infocall 644 126 600 or emailinfo@radicocostainternational.comOP Group Spain are seeking 2 enthusiastic people tojoin their expanding team.Position 1 is for an experienced office administrator attheir La Finca Golf office.Position 2 is for an experienced sales negotiator fortheir La Marina office. Theideal candidates will speakEnglish and at least oneother language and willhave good knowledge of thelocal real estate market.Both positions are full timewith contracts and competitive rates of pay. Pleasesend your CV’s into Stuarton [email protected] or call966729653Chef required full time musthave at least 5 years experience and Spanish hygienecertificate. Bar staff requiredmust have experience. Parttime hours. Bar situated inEl Raso near Guardamar.Contact 672 929 585 (168)Situations Vacant. Top ChefRequired for The Med BistroBar, Guardamar. Excellentpackage and incentives. Tel.0044 7917 1658 65 or email:[email protected] (168)English / Russian translatorrequired by book publisher.Call 618 715 998 for moreinfo.

Gardening, property maintenance, translations, cheaprates call David 722521654.

Need English speakingsolicitors in Torrevieja? Letus help to solve your problems with debt recovery,divorce, property, fraud,

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There’ve been several highprofileRules cases this year for golfers toget their teeth into and this gives usa chance to sort out where everybody stands.

WRONG FOOT FORWARD

Back in January, Rory McIlroy was leftregretting a twostroke penalty heincurred in the third round of the AbuDhabi Golf Championship, which eventually saw him finish one stroke behindwinner Pablo Larrazábal. It is commonat Tour events for the spectator crossingpoints to be outlined with white paintand declared by Local Rule to beground under repair (GUR). The reasonfor this is that over the duration of thetournament, these areas can becomedamaged by the volume of spectator traffic crossing the fairways. Interference by an abnormal ground condition, such as GURor casual water, occurs when a ball lies in or touches thecondition or when the condition interferes with the player’sstance or area of his intended swing. McIlroy’s ball hadcome to rest within the margins of one of these spectatorcrossing points on the 2nd hole and he elected to take reliefwithout penalty under Rule 251 (Abnormal GroundConditions). McIlroy dropped the ball within one clublength of the nearest point of relief and not nearer the hole, and then playedthe ball. However, a fellowcompetitor’s caddie noticed thatMcIlroy’s left foot was still in the GUR when he made thestroke. The caddie mentioned this to McIlroy before hesigned and returned his score card so that they could checkit out. It is worth remembering that no alteration can be madeto your score card once you have returned it to theCommittee (Rule 66c) so this gave McIlroy the chance todiscuss it with the Chief Referee before submitting his scorefor the third round.John Paramor, the European Tour’s Chief Referee who

reviewed the incident with McIlroy said: "When he stood tothe ball, his left foot was standing on or just over the linedemarking the area of ground under repair which is part ofthe ground under repair."When taking relief you must take complete relief. That is,you cannot choose to take relief from the lie of the ball only you must take relief from everything that is “interference”.Therefore, the player must take relief for the lie of the ball,the stance and the area of intended swing. By having onefoot in the GUR, McIlroy technically still had interferencefrom the GUR and by subsequently playing the ball heplayed from the wrong place incurring a twostroke penalty.McIlroy commented, "I knew the rule. I knew you have totake full relief. I just didn't know where my foot was."

SPORTING CONCESSIONIn playing the 7th hole at the WGC Accenture Match PlayChampionship, Sergio Garcia offered to halve the hole withhis opponent Ricky Fowler before they had both putted out.At the time, Fowler had a putt of 17ft for a par, while Garciahad much shorter putt of 6ft for his par. Under the Rules, anagreement to halve a hole being played is permissible.

However, if players agree to consider a hole halved without eitherplayer making a stroke on the hole,they should be disqualified underRule 13 for agreeing to excludethe operation of Rule 21 by failingto play the stipulated round.The sporting offer was thereforepermitted and was obviously infavour of Fowler, who had thelonger putt for par. But this had followed an incident on the previoushole, where Fowler had beenforced to wait for a ruling Garciahad requested. The ruling tooksome time to conclude and when itwas eventually Fowler’s turn toplay, he missed his makeablebirdie putt.When questioned about it, Garcia

explained, “I felt guilty that my drop on the 6th took so long.I felt like if I would have been in his position, I would havebeen uncomfortable waiting so long to hit my birdie putt. So

I just thought I have to do something tomake sure that I feel okay with myself.”Garcia’s sporting gesture was applauded,especially in light of the fact that he wenton to lose his match by one hole toFowler.

BLAYNE TO BLAMEBlayne Barber shot a 4under 67 in thefirst round of the Web.com Tour’s BrasilChampions event in March, leaving himthree shots off the pace. Unfortunately,Barber failed to sign his score card beforeleaving the scoring area and was subsequently disqualified. Signing the scorecard is fundamental to the game and failing to carry out this responsibility, resultsin disqualification (Rule 66b). A signatureis the stamp of approval and attests to thescore achieved by the player. Both themarker and the player must sign the

score card to confirm that this is the actual score for the player, which in turn protects the interests of the whole field.This was the third time in the past 18 months that Barber hadfound himself disqualified from a Tour event. Days afteradvancing past the first round of the PGA Tour qualifyingschool in 2012, Barber realised after the fact that he hadfailed to include a penalty for touching a loose impediment ina hazard. Then last August, he was disqualified from anevent, this time for signing in error for a score lower at a holethan he actually achieved.

BOUNDARY BLOOPERNathan Smith was disqualified from the Arnold Palmer BayHill Invitational for playing a ball from out of bounds. Smithfound his ball in an area to the side of the 5th hole and failedto notice that the area was deemed to be out of bounds. Aball lying out of bounds is no longer in play and thus is awrong ball. Accordingly, the player incurs a twostroke penalty for playing the wrong ball and must correct the error byproceeding under Rule 271, incurring the stroke and distance penalty. As Smith did not correct his error before heteed off at the 6th hole, he was disqualified (Rule 153b).

DIVOT DILEMAPlaying the final hole of his final round, at the TropheeHassan II in Agadir, Morocco in March, Alejandro Canizaresof Spain, had a sevenstroke lead. His second shot to the18th hole finished up in a very unlucky lie, when it rolledback down a steep greenside bank and settled immediatelybehind an attached divot. Unfortunately, in this case thedivot had not been pressed down or repaired properly,almost covering his entire ball, leaving Canizares with a difficult chip back up the bank to the green.Canizares requested a ruling but was not permitted toremove the divot by the referee. A player must not improveor allow to be improved the position or lie of his ball, the areaof his intended stance or swing, or his line of play by moving,bending breaking anything growing or fixed (Rule 132). Adivot which is completely detached and has not beenreplaced with the roots downwards in its hole is classed asa loose impediment and through the green may be removed.However, a divot which is not completely detached is not aloose impediment. It is something fixed and therefore itsremoval or replacement would be a breach of Rule 132 asthe lie and area of intended swing would be improved.The Etiquette Section of the Rules of Golf encouragesgolfers to carefully repair any divot holes out of courtesy tofellowcompetitors and to help avoid such situations.Canizares, despite the tough shot he faced, went on to winthe tournament.

Greenside GossipIVIE DAVIES takes a weekly look at the golf scene - [email protected]

TITTER ON THE TEEA senior citizen said to his eightyyear old golfing partner.I hear you're getting married?'Yes!' 'This woman, is she good looking?''Not really.''Is she a good cook?''Nah, she can't cook too well.''Does she have lots of money?''Nope! Poor as a church mouse.''Well, then, is she good in bed?''I don't know.''Why in the world do you want to marry her then?''Because she can still drive!'


RULES ARE RULES


Torrevieja’s recent good run ended atsecondplaced Alzira in tame fashion, withTorry giving teenager Samuel his debut ingoal. Torry finish their campaign with aSaturday encounter at the Vicente Garciaagainst Castellon, kicking off at 6.30pm. Thisis to avoid a Sunday clash with near neigh

bours Elche who entertain Barcelona in theirfinal home game of the season. Torry hopeto complete the league double over theiropponents and end the season on a highnote. The Torry Army will be making two presentations before the match, including thatfor Player of the Year.

DIFFERENT CLASS UD ALZIRA 3 FC TORREVIEJA 0

The local police and Guardia Civil had abusy afternoon as on the field, Montesinossaw their faint chances of making into theplayoff’s go down the drain. The cops werebrought in to sort out Rafal fans who complained about having to pay to see thematch, and then the officers had some unexpected second half action when they had tobreak up a mass brawl that broke outbetween the two sides. Things got even uglier after the final whistle when the Guardiawere called in to deal with allegations ofracial abuse against two of Monte’s foreignplayers, Dimitry and Vaz.

On the field, Rafal were too quick for thehome side with Monte keeper Christian

being kept busy, and the visitors holding aonenil halftime lead. Things turned rougherin the 2nd half, with Dimitry sent off for a50/50 challenge, and then the referee lostcontrol as Vaz was punched by a Rafaldefender, but the official was the only personwho didn’t see it. This all sparked off a bareknuckle brawl akin to a wild west saloonshowdown with the local coppers sprintingon to do their impression of John Wayne incalming things down. Vaz got his marchingorders along with the Rafal player, and thendespite great spirit from the Monte players,the visitors got 2 quick goals to seal theirwin. Montesinos end their season this weekend away to Racing San Miguel.

WILD WEST SUNDAY CD MONTESINOS 0 RAFAL 3

Garry Rodrigues' early strike was all Elcheneeded to claim the points in a crucial victoryover Malaga at La Rosaleda. Rodriguesstruck after 11 minutes to clinch three muchneeded points for Fran Escriba's side in theirattempt to beat relegation in their first sea

son back in the top flight, but were made tofight all the way as Alberto Botia's late redcard saw them play out the final minutes with10 men. With two matches left, Elche are 4points clear of the drop zone, but they entertain Barcelona this Sunday.

ILICITANOS HANG ON MALAGA 0 ELCHE 1

Cristiano Ronaldo's stoppagetime goalsalvaged a 22 draw for Real Madrid as theyfollowed Barcelona and Atletico Madrid indropping points on a dramatic weekend in

the title race. Valencia twice led at theBernabeu before Ronaldo stabbed the ballhome with a deft backheel two minutes intofive added on.

CRIS SPARES BLUSHESREAL MADRID 2 VALENCIA 2

A stoppagetime goal from Angel Lafitasnatched a dramatic draw for Getafe, whichcould prove fatal to the Catalan club's hopesof retaining the Primera Division title.Gerardo Martino's men looked all set for awin when Alexis Sanchez fired home in thesecond half after Lafita had earlier cancelled

out Lionel Messi's opener. But strugglingGetafe grabbed an unlikely point with another equaliser from Lafita, some 90 secondsinto stoppage time. With Atletico surprisinglylosing, Barca are 3 points off the top andthey meet Atletico in the final match of theseason after this Sunday’s trip to Elche.

ANGEL OF JOYBARCELONA 2 GETAFE 2

Humberto Osorio's late equaliser liftedValladolid out of the relegation zone andrealistically killed off Madrid’s title hopes onWednesday night. Sergio Ramos hit asuperb freekick to give the visitors the lead

after they had to weather a storm from thehosts. But just as they looked to have tied upthe points, Osorio headed home towards theend. Madrid are away to Celta Vigo onSunday.

ALL OVER FOR MADRIDVALLADOLID 2 REAL MADRID 2

In this tumultuous seasonwhere a number of highprofile Premier Leagueclubs have dramaticallydispensed with their managers, and replaced themwith others in a desperatemeasure to avoid thedreaded drop – has itworked?

Think Crystal Palace,Sunderland, West Brom,Sunderland, Cardiff,Norwich and Fulham (sogood they did it twice…).Then consider those fellowstrugglers who didn’t panic:like West Ham, Stoke, Hulland Aston Villa. All threeclubs now relegated,Fulham, Cardiff and Norwich(almost) came from the firstgroup which would tend tosuggest the kneejerk merchants all got it all wrong.

One of the key issues thatall managers crave is time –precious, expensive time tobe allowed to tinker, makemistakes, essentially learn

from them and get it right inenough time to avoid trouble. Very experienced menlike Tony Pulis, SamAllardyce, Mark Hughes andSteve Bruce have had timeto ‘bed in’ to their clubs,bring in their own peopleand stabilise their team situations, getting the allimportant dressing room right toengender the necessaryresults to take the fear away,replace it with confidence…and build for the future.

The worst offenders in thehire/fire brigade are Fulham.‘He’s never been relegated– he has now’ applies toFelix Magath, an experienced German coachwhose CV shows he haspreviously coached half theBundesliga successfully but this time the order wastoo tall. Fulham had alreadysacked poor old Martin Joland then ReneMeulensteen, both highlyexperienced and respected

coaches but neither couldstop the rot. Perhaps themismanagement camedown from the top of theCottage ?

The decision of kamikazeCardiff owner Vincent Tan topublicly fire his managerappears in retrospect to be ahugelyunpopular embarrassing mistake, wheremany of us consideredMalky Mackay was the rightman for the job. After all, hegot the Red Bluebirds there and given the necessarytime many think would haveturned things around in timeto save the South Walians –so I feel the blame for relegation lies squarely withTan. As for the wisdom ofappointing a rookie like OleSolskjaer pleasant lad butno experience of managingin the Prem well, I’m sorrybut the nice Norwegianalways looked fjords out ofhis depth.

Just what Norwich were

thinking of when finally poorold Chris Hughton got hismarching orders with sixgames to go is anyone’sguess. Who was going tokeep the Canaries flying?Answer, noone, especiallya relativelyunknownreserve team managercharged with taking his teaminto the cruellest runin of allthe bottom clubs. Evenmanagerless Man Unitedsoundly beat Neil Adam’steam, making themselveslook Giggsygood in theprocess – which the Redsare not currently.

Despite terrific Cup runsSunderland were bottomand oddson to go downthree weeks ago. I certainlythought they would, evenGus Poyet said the BlackCats needed miracles. Well,proving that they do happenSunderland drew 2 – 2 withmighty Man City at TheEtihad (and nearly won),amazingly beat Chelsea at

The Bridge 2 1, then hammered the nails into Cardiff’scoffin 4 – 0 and on Saturdayreminded everyone at OldTrafford the Red Devils arestill in crisis still but illuminating everyone at TheStadium of Light to finally,amazingly escape againstall those odds and provedthe pessimists like me –wrong : Poyet for Pope!

West Brom looked to havegot Steve Clarke’s sackingwrong, but changed managers early enough foranother highlyexperiencedjefe, Spaniard Pepe Mel toget it right – at last. Whatwith Anelkagate and throwing away vital points in thefinal moments of matches,Baggies fans have had arollercoaster of a season,but have deservedly stayedup: the quality is there tobuild on.

Worrabout West Ham? Ifever a man’s shouldersneeded to be broad it’s SamAllardyce’s. The Hammerswere in huge problems withcaptainled indiscipline, keyinjuries and even savagecrowd baiting. But in the endtheir steady improvementproved the owners, theunderfire Davids Gold andSullivan right in backingtheir man, as West Ham fin

ished respectfully in midtable. Well done Sam, I say.

Some say Tony Pulisshould be Manager of theYear – and they have acase. Like Felix Magath(was), the Welshman’sproud boast was never having been relegated but whenTony took the reins atSelhurst Park theHollowayedout Eagles hadforgotten how to fly. But withthe loyal fans roaring themon every week, the club ALLpulled together to get thingsright, and slowly but surelythe defence stopped leaking, the forwards startedscoring and Palace are finishing the season strongly inhugelyrespectable midtable safety (ask Liverpool…).

In conclusion it would seemIF a club decides to changemanagers, then it should bedone early enough to give thenew man a chance – oh, andbuy a sound track record,don’t risk inexperience. Thinkvery hard before you do it isthe incumbent just having apoor spell which happens toeveryone? This year’s seasonal statistics have providedsome wonderful cautionaryfacts of do’s – and some definite don’ts for football clubowners.


SO – DOES HIRE/FIRE WORK?

Windy conditions made it tough going for the recent SAMMMar Menor races, with a tough initial course that led to thefirst race being abandoned. Race number 2 was won byShoestring Uno, with John Down at the helm, leading fromstart to finish.

Uno is number one

Torrevieja Swimming Club’s competitors were busy withthe Masters local Time Controls event last Sunday ahead ofthe Regional Masters competition at the end of the monthbeing hosted in the city. Up against 100 swimmers, the teamdid well with a good set of results in the various age categories, with a range of personal bests across the board.

MASTERFUL BESTS

The Murciabased FordDunn brothers had a decent startto the recently held firstround of the Spanish SupermotoChampionships in Villena. In blustery conditions, Anthonyqualified 3rd in the Premier SM Open championship class,and finished 5th, 2nd and 4th in his three races to come awaywith a 3rd overall for the day’s racing. Older Brother Mat (pictured chasing the leader) qualified in pole position for theSM35 Master championship and came 2nd and 3rd in his tworaces, which gave him a 3rd overall placing. The next raceday for the brothers sees them involved in the Catalan championship event this Sunday at Menarguens in Catalunya.

DUNN’S DO IT

CITY HOME INON THE TITLE!


A late DoubleDzeko Blue busslithered through the mud andrain at the Etihad to finally putpaid to Aston Villa’s stubbornresistance, worn down by ManCity’s power, and by the end it hadbecome a deluge, ending 4 – 0with a master class from 20 Premgoals Yaya Toure, yet anothercolossal performance from thebig, big man. City’s super strikerSergio Aguero was still unfit andsolid Silva stood in, but a bluedagger was stabbed into Red

Liverpudlian hearts by deadly Edin Dzeko, always inAguero’s shadow as first choice but this super season he has scored the vital goals in City’s run in. First Arsenal, then Chelsea, and finally Liverpoolstuttered and blew their title chances. OK, agreed it’snot all over yet and football has always had a longdeserved reputation for upsetting the odds andsnatching defeat from the jaws of victory. But surely(even) City can put West Ham away – at home again,fortunately – on Sunday to wrench the PremierLeague title back again from their nasty neighboursMan United. How Gaaling for the Reds!I’ve seen the lot now – On manic Monday both teamsgrabbing the ball straight after scoring and rushing itback for the kick off but for different reasons.Liverpool trying to reduce the goal difference at thetop between them and Man City as they went threeup, but then with only 11 mad minutes left CrystalPalace started playing catchup as a Gayleforce gustreduced the deficit in just nine crazy minutes to even

tually draw three all by the end and in doing so finallydestroy the Reds title chances: bizarre.com. Inquest question: does the brilliance of Liverpool’sSAS, plus other ‘S’ type scoring from the likes ofSterling and Skrtel all disguise a soft Scouse underbelly that has been regularly penetrated but patchedup in the pressure for points? Wins like 6 3 overCardiff, 4 – 3 against Swansea, and 5 – 3 over Stokeput the 3 – 3 Palace result into perspective. Of thefour top teams, Liverpool have conceded 49 v ManCity’s 37, Chelsea’s 26 and Arsenal’s 41. AChampions team always needs a credible defence,no? Hey, old Mourinho’s getting some stick: funny how aweek can change everything. It’s looking like déjà vuafter JM’s last barren Real Madrid season… Jose was‘it’ only the other week when Chelski pushed pastPSG into the Champions League semis and drewaway in Madrid. In the Prem, the reserves parkedtheir Blue bus at Anfield, with luckless leader StevieG letting Demba Ba humbug in to suddenly savagethe Reds title hopes. In the second Euro leg ,DiegoSimeone’s Atletico, who are sweeping all before themen Espana duly swept past the Blues at The Bridge.This dark disappointment was followed four dayslater by a dirgy draw against nervy, nearlydownNorwich. No way, Jose. Suddenly Roman’s righthand ruler is lashing out inall directions: onetime hero Hazard isn’t a team player, Oscar’s eyes aren’t on the Blue ball but Brazil, andnewbies Salah and Matic are feeling the lash of Mou’stongue. Oh, and sadly, sniff… oldies like Lampard,Cech, Terry and Cole, aka the Chelsea Pensioners arechecking their retirement statements. With the latter

two in tears post Norwich, Robert Huth of Stoke saidcrying on the pitch should merit a three match ban. Iblame Gazza.‘Chelsea need a good striker’, says Mourinho. Oh,really, that’s news, yawn (shh, look the ghost ofDidier Drogba still dangles over The Bridge – healways dug Chelsea out when the Blues needed agoal). Just don’t mention loanee Lukaku as Romeluscored his 17th of his sensational season for Evertonagainst Man City – now then, who owns Lucky? Old Trafford last Tuesday night was the emotionalsetting for saying goodbyes and thanks to some afterillustrious careers, like Nemanja Vidic and possiblyRyan Giggs himself. But it also heralded the arrival ofnew starlets like 18 yearold James Wilson, said tohave been earning rave reviews in the reserves. TheTheatre of Dreams debutee duly dreamily scoredtwice in the 3 – 1 win over Wembleybound Hull. As tothe direct managerial vacancy at Old Trafford ‘Der,don’t know’ is spoken and written all over the weary,designerstubbled face of Giggs as the Interim One ismanaging, sort of. The Welshman put himself on assub with 20 minutes to go for his 963rd appearancein his Red shirt, which may prove to be his last. RyanGiggs the player has never been in doubt: but managing a club like Manchester United? Liaise withLouis, lads.Finally, gorgeous Gus Poyet starred in The GreatEscape with cameo roles from Connor Wickham,Fabio Borini and all the other lucky Black Cats whohelped make staying up possible against all theodds. 2 – 0 against fellowstrugglers West Bromsealed it. There will be no miracles for Norwich comeSunday, all the plaudits go to Gus – but will he stay?

JohnMcGregor

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Week 168

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