Volume 10, Issue 2
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Transcript of Volume 10, Issue 2
Vol. 10, Issue 2 March 8, 2011 (Happy Mardi Gras!)
(Good for your bladder.)
Angelo State’s Finest Paper Since Fall 2006 On the Internet @ Ramdiculous.com
2
Quote of the Week
The Ramdiculous Accords: A True Story By Top Editor and Minion
Today we write to our
fellow Ramdiculites about
the great meeting that was
held at the UC tower on
February 25, 2011 at 2:30
pm. It involved several
keynote speakers, includ-
ing the infamous top edi-
tor Bryce J. Parsons, his
minion Keith Greer-May,
and an Asian gentleman
who was asleep on the
couch behind them.
We took the liberty of
taking the minutes of this
great Ramdiculous sum-
mit, pondering what
could possibly become of
our beloved paper in the
semesters to come. Here
is a recap for those of you
who missed it:
2:20 pm: President Par-
sons arrives at the UC. He
walks up expecting a
trumpeting fanfare. He is
sorely mistaken.
2:27 pm: Keith Greer-
May arrives after mov-
ing his car from 15
minute parking to visi-
tor parking.
2:28 pm: Greer-May
speculates that no one
will be attending the
Ramdiculous meeting.
Parsons scoffs.
2:29 pm: What is
thought to be a possible
attendee of the meeting
was deemed to be a
sleeping Asian gentle-
man.
2:31 pm: A couple on
a couch next to sleep-
ing Asian gentleman
leave.
2:33 pm: Greer-May
suggests that he and
Parsons play a game of
air hockey. Parsons
rolls his eyes and be-
gins his keynote
speech.
2:38 pm: Having
failed to reach a quorum,
it is agreed that the sum-
mit shall be moved to the
air hockey table. With a
unanimous vote, a game
of air hockey is played.
2:58 pm: Greer-May is
the victor by a score of
10-3. Parsons had
cheated by moving his
slider to 7, but somehow
he still loses.
3:20 pm: Parsons gets
out his Duncan Butterfly
and casually yo-yos for a
little bit. A passerby asks
if she can write about his
yo-yoing for the Ram Page.
2:30 am: Some fresh-
men show up to the UC
tower wondering where
the Ramdiculous guys
are.
Well, that’s about it,
folks. See you all same
time next week (if we
still exist)!
Vol. 10, Issue 2 Something to read in class today
R A M D I C U L O U S P A G E P O L I C Y Published every other Friday and available to students on campus. This newspaper does not express the opinions of any writer, editor, or anyone affiliated with Angelo State University or the Texas Tech University System or this newspaper. We welcome all letters, tweets, and other such nonsense. Please include your name, position, and an email address. All submissions are considered property of the Ramdiculous Page and will not be returned, EVER. Submit your letters, articles, and/or favorite brand of peanut butter via our email, [email protected], or our website, www.ramdiculous.com. Opinions in any letter or writing are not necessarily those of the staff, nor should any opinion expressed in a public forum be construed as the opinion or policy of the administration or the Ramdiculous Page. By submitting anything to the Ramdiculous Page, you are giving the Ramdiculous Page permission to use your Facebook and/or MySpace profile in any way the Ramdiculous Page deems usable, unless expressed in writing. If you are an professor you need not worry, we will not use your profiles. Also, I miss the old Esurance commercials with the spy chick. Weren’t those great?
Top Editor Bryce J. Parsons
Artists and Writers The Usual Ramdiculous Goons
A little bit of Monica in my life A little bit of Erica by my side
“Some-times, I wish slow computers had feelings, just so I could hurt them.” -Joanna Lule
3
the incredible question
Ram of the Week: Jordan Hawkins Meet Jordan. She says she works in IT, which is true. In fact, I’m pretty
sure that she has also invented a working teleportation device, which will revolutionize the travel and shipping industries.
I mean, think about it. With a series of teleporters, humanity would save
so much money on shipping, and we could more readily get supplies to third world countries, saving the lives of countless impoverished children. The human race would usher in an era of peace and prosperity, and Jordan Hawkins would be hailed as our generation’s ultimate heroine. She would receive Nobel Prizes, and would have a statue in the town square. Would-n’t that be awesome?
Also, she loves children, and is in school to become a daycare teacher.
She’s ready for the future, this one!
Word of the Day:
badonkadonk (n.): Curvaceous female
buttocks. (From Wiktionary)
Pictured: A visionary
4
Odious Cat By Marilyn C. Monroe
Hey, dingbat,
Come get your
darn cat.
She sat
And spat
At my cousin
Matt.
I hate this
fat@$$ cat.
Poetry Time.
Write or draw for us! Contact us at:
[email protected] (P.S. For every article you write that gets published,
you get a $5 gift card. Who says no to money?)
Who’s This? Send us your
answer! Facebook.com/
ramdiculous Last answer: Snake Plissken
(Marcus Terrazas got it right)
Picture of the Week: The ULTIMATE crossover event
You would probably watch this, too.
5
We are your voice, the voice of the Students of Angelo State. Be heard, we would like to know what you love about ASU, what you hate about ASU and what you think needs to be changed around here. We are here for
YOU!
If you have a comment, complaint, concern, or question, don’t hesitate to contact us. Via email [email protected], via phone
(325) 942‐2063, via our suggestion box in the UC, in our office UC 133 or even come attend our meetings at 6 PM on Monday nights.
ADVERTISE WITH US. If you would like your ad to appear in the
Ramdiculous Page, please contact us at [email protected]
Advertising Guidelines 1. Deadline for ads to be submitted is 1:00pm the Tuesday be-
fore publication. 2. Ads will be received only if they are complete. The Ramdicu-
lous Page will not create any ads. 3. Ad size will not exceed one-quarter of a page. 4. Organizations/events may have more than one ad, but no
organization/event will be allowed more than one-quarter of a page in ad space.
The Ramdiculous Page will not advertise for any off-campus event except in certain circumstances,* or anything of questionable nature. This includes but is not limited to: Alcohol drugs tobacco illegal activities *Exceptions to this rule will be determined by the staff of the Ramdiculous Page
Top Ten Signs of the Apocalypse
10.) A computer kicking major
booty on “Jeopardy!”
9.) McDonald’s serving pizza
(applicable to the early ‘90s)
8.) Free Chick-Fil-A coupons
being sent out in the mail
7.) My car insurance going down
6.) That Snooki person
5.) The fact that they still refuse
to re-release Crystal Pepsi
4.) Flatulence
3.) MTV not showing any music
videos. Oh, wait...
2.) Next year being 2012 and all
1.) Justin Bieber
Reagan supporters really like Reagan
Many of ASU’s College Re-
p u b l i c a n s ,
despite the
fetal status of
their major-
ity during
the Reagan
administra-
tion, com-
memorated
the 100th
birthday of
the late
p r e s i d e n t
last Febru-
ary.
Of course,
the young
Republicans weren’t about to
let something as trivial as a
total lack of memory get in the
way of their elevating the late
president to messiah-like
status.
“The way he told that Ger-
man guy to
tear down
that wall, or
w h a t e v e r , ”
f r e s h m a n
K a i t l y n n
Broadmoore
said. “I mean,
talk about
guts, you
know?”
Many other
young women
of the group
unabashedly
credited their
conservative
parents’ admiration for the
president for naming them
Reagan or some other fem-
inized version of the name like
Reighgann or Rheagynn.
When asked about thoughts
on the Administration’s strat-
egy in facilitating the sale of
arms to Iran in the mid-80s,
most present responded with
blank faces, though one young
man asked if it had anything
to do with the end of the Coke
Wars.
Laconic Trope of the Day
Relax O Vision
TV Tropes will ruin your life. Read them at tvtropes.org.
“We won’t show the blood
and guts, so look! Kittens!”
By Rachel Weinstock
Ronald Reagan (dramatization)
By Rachel Weinstock T R U T H O R C O N S E -
QUENCES, NM—After being
goaded into an argument yester-
day, you learned that your girl-
friend of six months has been
annoyed by you for the past
five.
Her chief complaints ranged
from the understandable ("You
never listen to me") to the ri-
diculous ("Who the f*** parts
their hair that way?").
She later reportedly rehashed
the entire conversation with her
best friend, Brie, adding that
you're an immature tool and
that her mother "was always
right about [you]."
Your girlfriend ‘sick of your s***’
6
Adults Playing With ’90s Action Figures
Ay yi yi! Supervillains are
attacking the city, as usual.
I’d probably better call some
superheroes or something.
The Mask! Bug-Man!
Thank goodness!
Note: This is a parody. No copyright infringement is intended. Please don’t sue us!
My name’s not ‘Bug-Man.’
So why did you summon us?
Supervillains, duh.
Hey, dudes. Sorry I’m late.
Well! Aren’t you just an
adorable little thing!
Oh HELL no.