Living life to the fullest at any age!

Supplement to the Grand Forks Herald Sunday, June 27, 2010

age! any at fullest the to life Living

VitalityitalityEmbracinglifeWilliam Haug enjoyskayaking, snorkeling,scuba diving and otherfun activities.

See page 4 for thecomplete story.

Embracinglife

By Ann BaileyHerald Staff Writer.

PARK RIVER, N.D. DellHankeys handshakes are notfor the faint of fingers.The 84-year-old Park River

woman approaches greetingswith the same vigor with whichshe does life, squeezing a visi-tors with gusto, and thenlaughing heartily.But an instant later, Hankey

is all business as she checks onthe chicken eggs shes hatch-ing. After a lift of the incubatorreveals several peeping chicks,Hankey is on the phone to hersister-in-law Joan Hankey.Joan, want to come over

here and get these chickens?Ive got a box ready for you,too.The chicken situation in

hand, Dell Hankey settles intoa chair to visit about chickens,recipes and farm life, in gen-eral. Shes lived within a fewmiles of her current home nearPark River her entire life.

ChickensShes also raised chickens

for that long.Mother raised chickens to

no end, from wyandottes toleghorns, she said. Hankeyhas continued the tradition,hatching dozens of chickens,including silkies, araucanasand guineas. She usually hasgood success with the chicks,recalling that she didnt evenlose any during 1997s BlizzardHannah.Her 51 chicks were one-day-

old when the power went out inApril 1997, Hankey said. Sheused a propane heater to heatbricks and a water bottle andput them in a box with thechicks to keep them warm.She gives most of the chick-

ens she hatches to family mem-bers and keeps a few of thelaying hens for herself.I eat eggs to no end, Han-

key said. Each week, she makesa batch of egg balls, an appe-tizer made up of mashed upeggs with a dab of mayo andspices, to the Friday NightFish Fry at the Spud Bar inCrystal, N.D.Hankey took the appetizers

to the bar once so patronscould taste-test them and theywere such a hit, they asked her

to come back.

Good cookHankey, a locally famous

cook, also writes recipecolumns for three area news-papers and for a wildlife maga-zine. Shes hand-written herDabble with Dell columns

for the Grafton Record since1973. She later began writingDining with Dell for theWalsh County Press in ParkRiver and Auntie Dells An-tics, for the Its Clear newspa-per in Crystal, N.D.I never repeat a recipe.

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2 Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010

Jackie Lorentz, staff photographer

Auntie Dell Dell Hankey, 84, livesoutside Park River, N.D.,where she hatcheschickens for friends toraise.

84-year-old Dell Hankey has a real zest for life

DELL: See Page 3

Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010 3

She gets the recipes from oneof her 267 cookbooks, alwaystesting them if they are unfa-miliar to her. For example, be-fore she published a recipe fordandelion jelly, she tried it out,Hankey said, noting that it tooka 5-quart ice cream pail of dan-delion flowers to make about aquart of jelly.

The amber-colored jellywas tasty and resembled theflavor of honey, she said.Her recipes for the Dakota

Country wildlife magazine,which is published in Bis-marck, include pheasant chili,venison sausage and fish filets.

Busy year-roundEach fall she goes deer hunt-

ing with her nephews near herWalsh County home. During thesummer she fishes in Ontario.I own my own cabin. I can

fish on my dock and get what Iwant.Hankey also spends a lot of

time outdoors on her farm-stead in the summer, workingin her flower and vegetablegardens.I raise a big garden, a very

big garden. I have 37 tomatoplants. She makes catsup andtomato pies, one of her favoritedishes, with the tomatoes. Shealso grows peas, carrots andseveral other kinds of vegeta-bles. I put up 72 quarts of dill

pickles last year. She sold thepickles at the St. MarysCatholic Church bazaar in ParkRiver and donated the moneyshe made to the churchs altarsociety.Hankeys many activities

and a shot of hot water forbreakfast keep her goingstrong.Im not a coffee drinker.

Some people have four andfive cups of coffee before theyget going. I always have a cupof hot water with breakfast.

Reach her at (701) 787-6753;(800) 477-6572, ext. 753; or sende-mail to abailey@gfherald.com

Continued from Page 2DELL/

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By Ann BaileyHerald Staff Writer

Finances arent the onlything William Haug considersworthy of his investment. When hes not managing the

Stifel Nicolaus branch office inGrand Forks, Haug spends histime kayaking, snorkeling andscuba diving, oftentimes withfamily members.He developed an interest in

water sports when he and hisfamily lived in Grafton, andused to go to Minnesota lakesduring the summer, Haug said.When he later moved to GrandForks and lived along the Red,he bought a canoe.

Scuba divingHaug learned to scuba dive

when his sons Jonathan andBilly, now both physicians atAltru Health System in GrandForks, were in high school.In 1994 we went to the Cay-

man Islands where I was certi-fied in scuba diving, Haugsaid. He was captivated by theunderwater sport with itsbeautiful scenery.Watching the fish and so

forth is amazing.Besides enjoying the

scenery, Haug also likes thesensation of scuba diving.

Its like floating in mid-air,you can control the level youreat by inhaling and exhaling,he said. Since being certifiedin 1994, Haug has been scubadiving in the Atlantic Oceanand the British Virgin Islandswhere the movie The Deepwas filmed. The 1977 movie,starring Nicke Nolte, Jacque-line Bisset and Louis GossettJr. was about a vacationingcouple who find a ship loadedwith treasure.

I actually swam throughthat same hatch in the boatthat Jacqueline Bisset swamthrough, Haug said.

His love for scuba divingled to an interest in kayaking.During his trip to the CaymanIslands, Haug tried the sport,liked it and bought a kayakwhen he returned from histrip.

PaddlingIve been paddling down

the river and on lakes andstreams since, he said. Iwore the first one out.He enjoys taking the kayak

out to the Larimore (N.D.) Dam

and Recreation Area and head-ing west from there down theTurtle River. He also fre-quently puts the kayak in thewater in the Sunbeam Additionin Grand Forks and paddles todowntown East Grand Forkswhere he meets his family fordinner.Occasionally, Haug brings

his snorkeling equipment withhim when he kayaks at the La-rimore Dam, tying a towline tohis waist and pulling the boatbehind him.

Other interestsHaug, 65, also enjoys an occa-

sional ride on his 2000 HarleyDavidson Sportster motorcycle.Hes not a serious rider, but en-joys getting out and pleasureriding.Its the smallest one they

make and its just kind of fun.Haug also likes banging on histrap set in the basement of hisGrand Forks home.He played drums with a

Grafton band called The Un-dertakers from 1964 to 1966

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Function of attitude4 Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010

Bill Haug, 65, likes to kayak in the summer. He developed aninterest in water sports when he and his family lived in Grafton andused to go to Minnesota lakes during the summer.

Whether kayaking, scuba divingor riding his Harley, William Haugdoesnt let his age get in the

way of staying active

Jackie Lorentz, staff photographer

Jackie Lorentz, staff photographer

Bill Haug drags his kayakup the boat ramp at LincolnPark in Grand Forks.

HAUG: See Page 5

when he was a college atNDSU. The band played mostlyin small towns, but also ap-peared at the Moorhead Ar-mory and Grand Forks CountyFairground, Haug saidHaug sold the drums when

he joined the U.S. Army duringthe Vietnam War.I thought if I got killed my

wife wouldnt have to sell it.Everything else she could use,but the drums she didnt needA few years ago, he bought

another trap set and playsthem for fun.

Haug acknowledges that hedoesnt fit the stereotype of theconservative investment bro-ker, but says hes not a dare-devil, either. Instead, hestaken advantage of opportuni-ties that have presented them-selves. It has been said that good

luck is the intersection ofpreparation with opportunity,so the more prepared we are totake advantage of unseen op-portunities, the luckier weget.

Embracing life prevents himfrom feeling old, Haug be-lieves.Its not a function of the cal-

endar, its a function of atti-tude.

Reach Bailey at (701) 787-6753;(800) 477-6572, ext. 753; or sende-mail to abai-ley@gfherald.com753; or send e-mail to abailey@gfherald.com.

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Bill Haug enjoys an evening kayaking on the Red River near Lincoln Drive Park in GrandForks.

Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010 5

Continued from Page 4HAUG/

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By Ann BaileyHerald Staff Writer

For Tom Tollefson, cus-tomizing old vehicles isnt justfor show.From vintage cars, to Cush-

man motorcycles, to hot rodDoodle Bugs, Tollefson adaptsthe vehicles to his liking andmakes them roadworthy. Forexample, Tollefson has put99,000 miles on a Ford sedanthat he customized. Tollefsoninstalled a new engine, air con-ditioning, power brakes andpower windows in the streetrod.

Tollefson and his wife, Jan,enjoy driving the Ford sedancar on trips and plan to do thesame with a Ford Coupe he re-cently finished restoring.Meanwhile, Tollefson also en-joys working on the cars andaltering them so they meet hisspecifications.I like changing things. I like

making things, Tollefson said.

Car fancierBesides the Ford Sedan and

Club Coupe, Tollefson also hasa 1955 Delray Chevrolet.Ive been into cars all my

life, said Tollefson, a retiredNSP welder. Tollefson, 69, cantrecall his exact age when hefirst got behind the wheel of acar, but says it was way before

I should have been driving.He began tinkering in his

dads shop when he was aboutthe same age, taking apart bi-cycles and putting them backtogether in a different waythan they were before. WhenTollefson was in fourth gradehe traded one of his bicyclesfor a Doodle Bug, a small mo-torized scooter that was manu-factured from 1946 to 1948.When he outgrew the DoodleBug, Tollefson graduated to aWhizzer motorcycle and then,eventually, cars.

By the time Tollefson gotmarried in 1962, he had cus-tomized several cars.When we got married, he

had a red 1960 Chevrolet cus-tomized car, so I knew what Iwas getting into, said JanTollefson. The couple have apicture of her and Tom in thecar on their wedding day, shesaid, and they drove into Win-nipeg for their honeymoon.Over the years, the Tollef-

sons have taken their cars toshows in cities across the Mid-west, including Detroit wherethey attended the Autorama inFebruary 2010. Theyve also been to the

Street Rod Nationals and regu-larly attend the Back to 50s CarShow in Minneapolis, whichthis year was held June 18-20.

DoodlingAbout 10 years ago at the

Back to the Fifties Show,Tollefson saw a Doodle Buglike the one for which he had

traded his bike. That sparkedhis interest and he bought Doo-dle Bug parts and re-built one. Since then, hes restored two

more Doodle Bugs and the cou-

ple attend a Doodlebug re-union show in Webster CityIowa where the cars werebuilt, each summer.Tollefson still enjoys re-

building cars, but also likesworking on the Doodle Bugsbecause he sees the fruits ofhis labor more quickly.The scooters dont take as

long of a time.

Reach Bailey at (701) 787-6753;(800) 477-6572, ext. 753; or sende-mail to abailey@gfherald.com.

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6 Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010

Car crazy

Jackie Lorentz, staff photographer

Tom Tollefson likes to build and restore scooters and cars. He has finished the Doodle Bugscooter he sits on and the car behind him. Tollefson has nearly completed customizing themotorcycle on the right.

Tom Tollefson is a life-long car lover

I like changing things. I likemaking things.

Tom Tollefson

By Ann BaileyHerald Staff Writer

CROOKSTON JoanRousseau is a hands-on person.Whether shes digging in the

dirt of her flower and veg-etable gardens, mixing upsugar cookie dough or doingfoot reflexology Rousseaugives her hands a workout. Herhands have been strengthenedby a lifetime of hard work.I was born and raised in the

country, Rousseau said. As achild, he collected eggs,pumped water and hauledwood on the farm where shegrew up near Argyle, Minn.After Rousseau got married,she lived in Moorhead for sev-eral years, then moved to afarm near Crookston in 1954where she spent time outdoorsgardening.Rousseau, 79, moved into

Crookston from the farm fouryears ago. She brought hergreen thumb with her andbegan gardening, first plantingpetunias, poppies and gerani-ums in the beds on the groundsof her apartment complex, andthen asking the landlord if hecould dig up another spot forvegetables. Two other womenin Rousseaus building fol-lowed her lead and also gar-den.We just like to garden, all of

us, Rousseau said. She sharesthe kohlrabi, corn and beansshe grows with her neighbors.Gardening is good for her soul,she believes.I love being outside. Just to

be out in Gods creation, andsummertime is such a beauti-ful time.

Volunteer workRousseau also keeps busy

when shes indoors.Whatever they need at

church, I will help. That in-cludes helping clean the Evan-gelical Covenant Church she

attends and helping withluncheons.She also enjoys baking for

others.I love baking birthday sugar

cookies. She decorates thecookies, which measure about6 inches in diameter, forfriends and relatives. I always made sugar cook-

ies when my kids were little.Then one day she decided tomake one as a birthday treat.That began a tradition andRousseau has made dozenssince.

Hands-onStaying busy keeps Rousseau

happy. Im just not one to sit

around. Im not a TV watcher.Another indoor activity

Rousseau spends her time onis foot reflexology. Rousseaubecame interested in reflexol-ogy after going to a session inCanada in 1980 and has beendoing sessions for others since

Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010 7

Jackie Lorentz, staff photographer

Joan Rousseau is an activeCrookston woman who lovesto volunteer and visit friends.Rousseau gives friends whitesugar cookies from a recipeshe has been made since1955.

Happy helper Its in Joan Rousseaus nature to help others

JOAN: See Page 8

By Anita CreamerMcClatchy Newspapers

SACRAMENTO, Calif. Every weekday morning, BillieMarion walks a few blocks tothe bus stop from the SouthNatomas, Calif., home sheshares with her daughter. Shecommutes downtown, whereshe spends her days wrappinggifts in a tiny office at Grebitus& Sons jewelers across fromthe Capitol.Shes 88, the daughter of a

Methodist minister, a small, en-ergetic woman whose one van-ity seems to be fingernailsmanicured a bright shade of or-ange. Quite simply, she loves towork.I love my job, said Marion.

Ive always loved it. I likeworking with my hands.I know I could retire. But I

like being around people. Ilove the people I work with.They make it so nice to come towork in the morning.Her daughter credits Mar-

ions work ethic with keepingher youthful and involved.Work is what keeps her

going, said Tricia Marion, 54.Seeing some of her friendsafter they retire, it seems likethey got older. Mom just keepson ticking.Retirement isnt for every-

one, and thats likely just aswell: Over the past decades,the promise of pensions haslargely vanished from theAmerican economic landscape,and in tough times, retirementsavings accounts have fizzled.Research shows that large

numbers of baby boomers the oldest of whom reach thetraditional retirement age of 65next year dont intend to fol-low earlier generations foot-steps into a long retirement.Some cant afford to; many oth-ers dont want to.Besides, said AARP Califor-

nias Christina Clem: No oneshould tell you what your lateryears should be. Thats up toyou. Invent your own retire-ment.Or un-retirement.Marion, a professional gift

wrapper for 18 years who inher spare time takes computerclasses and sings in her churchchoir, could be a role model foryounger workers a prime ex-

ample of someone thriving wellpast retirement age.So could Nancy Sadler, 81,

who has owned Mad Hatterscostume shop in Auburn, Calif.,for 27 years.A woman came in one day

and said, When Im your age, Iwant to be just like you, saidSadler, looking pleased at theidea.She works six days a week,

despite a handful of health is-sues that would slow down aless energetic person, and shelikes to say she rarely evenstops to sit. Instead, she weavesher way expertly throughrooms packed with tuxedosand ball gowns and costumeswhose themes range from an-cient Rome to the Easterbunny.

If I sold the shop, I supposeI could retire, she said, but itsclear from her tone shes notinterested in that option.AARP studies show that the

work force population age 65and older has steadily in-creased since 1985 to morethan 17 percent of that agegroup, up from not quite 11percent.And the trend is only ex-

pected to continue.One big reason is the

money, said Clem. Its nice toget a paycheck. Another reasonis that some people are fortu-nate enough to really love theirjobs. Work is part of their iden-tity.Having a reason to get up

and a place to go where youcan make a difference really

contributes to your quality oflife, Clem said.The aging of the work force

represents a significant socialshift. Within the decade, ac-cording to the San Franciscothink tank Civic Ventures, thedouble-whammy of peopleleaving work at normal retire-ment age plus much smallergenerations of younger work-ers could mean that employeeswho want to continue workinginto their 70s and beyond willbe especially valued.Its a nice thought, at least.Older workers are there

every day because they want tobe, said Kathleen Davis, a ca-reer counselor who runs Kz-Davis Recruiting inFiddletown. Even if they haveto work, their values are a littledifferent. They show up for

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1987. Her hands get a good work-

out during the 30 to 40 minutesessions, but theyre used tothe hard work. I grew up on the farm milk-

ing cows.When shes not helping with

church work, gardening, bak-ing or doing foot reflexology,Rousseau visits people who arehome-bound.I do a lot of visiting for peo-

ple, just wherever Im needed,she said. Its a joy to go be-cause it makes their day. Itmakes mine, too. . I lovehelping people. Its just my na-ture.

Reach Bailey at (701) 787-6753;(800) 477-6572, ext. 753; or sende-mail to abailey@gfherald.com.

8 Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010

Continued from Page 7JOAN/

133000Everyday more people are making

Grand Forks Herald their home for news.

Necessity or love of work, manyolder workers plan for non-retirement

McClatchy Tribune

Billie Marion, 88, has been working at Grebitus & SonsJewelers since 1991 as a gift wrapper. The very activeoctogenarian just received a certificate for a computer keyboarding class that she proudly has at left in her workstationand she also sings in her church choir.

WORK: See Page 9

By Jessica YadegaranContra Costa Times

WALNUT CREEK, Calif. Sept. 15, 1951. It was the dayPhil Aker peeked over hisfence in Arizona and saw fivesisters moving in next door. Hiseyes landed on the oldest, a 12-year-old redhead named Jea-nine Fetterly. Shes cute, hetold his younger brother. Illtake her.Before long, they were insep-

arable. Theyd meet in thealley between their houses.Theyd sneak out in the dead ofnight to go skinny dipping. Fet-terly and Aker dated for threeyears until Fetterly ended therelationship. She thought hewasnt romantic enough.Weeks later, she met the guy

who would become her hus-band. Aker moved on, too. Theyeach had children. And grand-children. Eventually, they bothdivorced. But they alwaysthought of each other. Fetterlyoften flipped through diariesfrom her schoolgirl days, mar-veling at how Aker was on al-most every page.Seven years ago, Aker, who

lives in Los Angeles, was com-ing to the San Francisco Bayarea for a conference. So hetracked her down and they haddinner. Save for a brief en-counter two years before, Fet-terly and Aker hadnt seeneach other for 35 years. Yet thesparks flew. And theyve beentogether ever since.We find that all the things

we loved about each otherwhen we were young are stillthings we love and admire ineach other now, says Fetterly,now 71 and living in Oakland,

Calif. I think when you havean extraordinarily close rela-tionship very young, you bondin a way you never can withsomeone you meet later inlife.

First love is foreverThey say you never forget

your first love. For many, theexperience was so powerful, sopure, that reuniting, or at-tempting to reunite, feels natu-ral. With an ever-shrinkingdating pool (or maybe it justseems that way, particularly forolder singles, looking back forlove makes sense. People askthemselves, I wonder what he

is up to? Will she rememberme? Whether it is a mutualfriend, a school reunion or fatethat brings them back together,couples have inspiring storiesto tell about ending up with theone who got away.Fetterly and Aker dont have

a perfect relationship, Fetterlysays. But she loves that shedoesnt have to prove anythingto Aker. He still looks at melike that 13-year-old trying toget to sneak out on an adven-ture, she says. Its warm andcomforting to be back in thearms of the first boy I everkissed.Not every reunion is an in-

stant fairy tale. The past is agood place to look for love aslong as you remember that cau-tion, friendliness and nostalgiaare your best tools when ap-proaching an old flame, saysPepper Schwartz, a relation-ship expert with Perfect-match.com. Even if theyresingle, dont assume you knowwhats going on in their life, orthat their memories are thesame as yours, she says.Maybe you forgot that therewas a nasty breakup.Keep expectations in check.

Remember that you haventhad contact in years, if notdecades, and that a personsvalues and challenges canshift, she adds. Take it slow.Obviously, if both people feelthe same way and walk off intothe sunset, thats great,Schwartz says. I just wouldnt

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work every day, and they dontgripe about it.They have that old-fash-

ioned value system thats goingby the wayside.Billie Marion joined the

Womens Army Corps after shegraduated from junior college.After the war, she workedbriefly for the state. Then shegot married and had three chil-dren. Working wasnt generallyan option for women of hergeneration.But when her kids reached

age 9 or 10, she decided it wastime.I think I wanted a little

more, she said. I hadnt donemuch. I kind of missed work-ing.So when she was in her 40s,

she found a job at a depart-ment store, soon landing in thegift-wrapping department. Andshes worked ever since, eventhough she could retire andrelax.I know, she said. But like I

say, I really love my job.

Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010 9

Continued from Page 8WORK/Reuniting with a first love after decades apart

McClatchy Tribune

Jacqueline Rossman Hensel, 73, left, and Jerry Hensel, 74,shares a moment at their home in Fremont, Calif. The formerhigh school sweethearts found each other after 49 years apartand have rekindled their love. LOVE: See Page 10

By Kelly BrewingtonThe Baltimore Sun

BALTIMORE For MarilynBlum, the hardest part of deal-ing with her husbands demen-tia was getting him to give upthe car keys. There were thearguments, the denial and thatday four years ago when hegrabbed the keys, stormed offand started the ignition. Hewas lost for hours.In the initial days of Steve

Blums diagnosis of early onsetAlzheimers, her triglyceridelevel rose, her blood pressurejumped and stress took hold.The early stage was horrible;it was very rough on both ofus, said Marilyn, 61, of OwingsMills, Md. The emotional toll of caring

for a partner with dementiacan be overwhelming andwreak havoc on a caregiversown health. New research fromJohns Hopkins and Utah Statesuggests that stress may put acaregiver at risk for developingdementia as well. Spouses whocared for a partner with de-mentia had a sixfold increasein the risk of developing thedisease, researchers found in a12-year study.In addition to all the physi-

cal demands of taking care ofan ill person, there are the psy-chological demands andstresses, said Johns HopkinsUniversity psychiatry profes-sor Dr. Peter Rabins, an au-thority on dementia and one ofthe studys authors. This is aloved one, they sometimes

dont know who you are, theyaccuse you of stealing things,thats stressful.The intriguing findings need

to be replicated with furtherstudy to better understand thepossible link, researchers said.

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be engraving the wedding invi-tations too soon.Childhood sweethearts Patri-

cia and Louis Jackson of Rich-mond, Calif., tied the knot. Butit wasnt until their third timearound, in 1996.The first time was grade

school. It was 1954, and theylived in the same San Fran-cisco housing project. Patri-cias family owned adry-cleaning business, andLouis was always around. Theyplayed together. They sharedice cream cones. Years later,both families would relocate toMenlo Park, Calif., Patriciasmoved a few years beforeLouis but theyd since losttouch. So, when the two metagain as teenagers, dated, fellin love and went to the prom,neither had any idea they werewith that child from the thirdgrade.It just didnt register until

years later that she was that lit-tle girl, says Louis, now 65.Louis left for the Vietnam

War in 1963, and the two wenttheir separate ways. They mar-ried. Had children. By 1989,they were both divorced andsingle. Nelson Mandela wasspeaking in San Francisco thatyear, and Patricia came fromher home in Sacramento forthe speech. She missed herexit on BART and wound up inUnion City, where she ran intoLouis sisters. Shed thought ofhim often and saw the mishapas a sign. Have your brothercall me, she said, handingthem her number.He did, and the rest is his-

tory. Theyve been together for18 years without an argument.It seems like I finally won,Louis says. I had a lot of com-petition in the 60s. She is re-ally pretty. But I dont have tosit by and watch her walk awaythis time.Jacqueline Rossman Hensel

and Jerry Hensel of Fremont,Calif., walked away from eachother in 1954 after a brokenteenage engagement. Hensel

called it off before he joinedthe Air Force. All RossmanHensel had to remember himby was the silver anklet he hadgiven her. She carried it in acellophane envelope in herwallet for 49 years, along with aphoto of him in his basic train-ing uniform. Unbeknown toher, Hensel never forgot her,either. She was my first truelove, says Hensel, now 74.In 2002, Hensel, who had

been married for nearly 50years and subsequently di-vorced, asked his high schoolclass president, who was organ-izing a reunion, to track Ross-man down for him. She did.Eventually, Hensel called upRossman Hensel on Valen-tines Day, asking her to his50th reunion. He didnt know ifshe was single or married. Buthe took a chance.I figured what the heck, he

says. It was meant to be.It was. She picked him up at

the San Jose airport, and theyspent nine blissful days to-gether. The first day, we hit itoff just like no time hadpassed, Hensel says. Therewas always that connection be-tween us.Rossman Hensel, who had

been widowed for 18 yearswhen she got the call, says theonly thing thats differentabout her first love is his curlylocks. Theyre gone. Otherwise,hes the same boy she fell inlove with nearly 49 years ago.We play all the time, saysRossman Hensel, now 73. Weend each others sentences.

10 Grand Forks Herald/Sunday, June 27, 2010

Continued from Page 9LOVE/ Spouses who care for partners

with dementia are also at risk

McClatchy Tribune

Marilyn, top, and Steve Blum pose for portrait at theirOwings Mills, Md., home. Marilyn is taking care of Steve, whohas dementia. They have been married for 32 years.

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But experts have theoriesabout how stress could be afactor. Alzheimers can be la-tent for years, taking a decadefor symptoms to show. Stressmight speed up that develop-ment, Rabins said.

Whos at risk?Other research suggests that

high blood pressure, diabetesand high cholesterol can leavea person at risk for developingAlzheimers disease, he said.Stress could cause caregiversto ignore their health, exacer-bating these problems.It seems possible that peo-

ple who are providing care,neglect their own physicalwellbeing they dont go tothe doctor, they dont take theirmedication correctly, he said.And then they are under a lotof stress, which worsens theirblood pressure.Researchers sought to iden-

tify risk factors for developingdementia with a group of 2,442married couples 65 and olderin Cache County, Utah. In addi-tion to genetics and medicalconcerns, researchers lookedat the role of stress, from early-life issues and late-life pres-sures to being a caregiver, aspossible triggers for the dis-ease.At the end of the study, they

found 225 people with demen-tia 30 cases where both hus-bands and wives haddeveloped the condition. Whilethe majority of caregiversdidnt end up with dementia,the increased risk for spousessurprised researchers.Caregivers of all kinds can

face enormous frustration, iso-lation and depression. Butthose who care for patientswith Alzheimers a leadingcause of dementia face spe-cific challenges associatedwith the puzzling disease, saidDr. Ronald C. Petersen, direc-tor of the Mayo ClinicsAlzheimers Disease ResearchCenter.Physicians dont fully know

what causes Alzheimers, andthere is no cure. While somegenes have been found associ-ated with the illness, doctorsthink environmental factorscould also play a role.As for dementia, experts

arent sure how stress mightplay a role in losing brain func-

tion. Stress might cause the se-cretion of chemicals in thebrain, upsetting neural net-works and altering brain func-tion, Petersen said.Patients with Alzheimers

dont get better, so caregiverscan spend years putting forthtremendous effort with few re-wards, he said.Its a relentlessly progres-

sive disease, Peterson said.And because of the nature ofit, the patient cant appreciateall that is being done for him.So rarely do you see anAlzheimers patient sayingthank you.

Difficult situationFor a married couple this

can be especially trying.Youre losing your intellec-

tual mate, you cant talk aboutthe same level of things, Pe-terson said. You cant eventalk about your family. A care-giver might say, Rememberwhen the kids were growingup? and the patient says,What kids?Your whole life, everything

that person meant to you andyou meant to that person justwithers away in front of you.Add to that the heavy lifting

of taking on new responsibili-ties in a household.Marilyn Blum was forced to

take responsibility for homerepairs and family finances,areas that had been the soledomain of her husband, an ac-countant. And though theBlums had planned financiallyfor the possibility of Steve com-ing down with the disease his father was diagnosed withAlzheimers at age 40 theflood of new tasks over-whelmed Marilyn.Coping with Steves illness

he was just 60 at the time of di-agnosis was tough in its ownright. At the same time Stevebegan forgetting the names ofthe streets in the neighborhoodhe lived in for three decades,

Marilyn had sole responsibilityof caring for her 90-year-old fa-ther, who was struggling withvision loss. She was alreadyshuttling her father to doctorsappointments three times aweek, when she began caringfor Steve.Meanwhile, the diagnosis left

Steves world in disarray. Hewas irritable, confused andupset.Its hard to be around a

crabby person all the time,Marilyn said.Thats when Marilyns blood

pressure and triglyceride lev-els began rising. While she hasbeen meticulous about keepingdoctors appointments and saysher health is better today, shecan understand how othersmight put off care.You dont want another ap-

pointment, if youre going to amillion doctors with yourspouse, she said. Mentallyand physically you dont feellike dragging yourself into thedoctors office.Cass Naugle, executive di-

rector of the Alzheimers Asso-ciations Greater Marylandchapter, said doctors who carefor patients with dementiashould ask about the health ofthe caregiver, but too often,physicians are rushed and in-surance carriers dont reim-burse for such tasks.

Rely on friendsCaregivers also need a strong

network of friends and rela-tives who offer help on specifictasks even something assmall as relief on Sundaymorning so the caregiver canattend church, Naugle said.Felicia French, who man-

ages the states National Fam-ily Caregiver Support Program,says denial and pride oftencause caregivers to neglecttheir health. She has seen thisin clients and in members ofher family.Her mother spent years car-

ing for her grandmother, whodeveloped dementia after a se-ries of strokes. Two years afterFrenchs grandmother died,her mother began having mem-ory loss, but didnt tell her chil-dren about it. French knewsomething was wrong when shecalled her mother and askedfor a phone number. Frenchsmother couldnt read the num-bers.I think people may have

some idea they have somememory loss, but they dontwant to wrap their headsaround the fact that this is ac-tually happening to me. Sothey keep it private, saidFrench, whose organizationprovides free programs aroundthe state through the MarylandDepartment of Aging.Marilyn Blum thinks the

Johns Hopkins/Utah Statestudy underscores the risks ofstress. Still, she believes it canbe managed.Early on, seeking support

was scary and she couldnt findlocal support groups foryounger couples coping withan Alzheimers diagnosis. Butover the years, she got Steveinto an adult day program andhired a certified nursing assis-tant to help out around thehouse. Today she facilitates agroup of spouses whose part-ners have early-stage disease.The support group is only

once a month, but stress isevery day, she said. You haveto have something pretty muchdaily.So she goes for lunch with

friends and doesnt miss herZumba dance fitness classes atthe gym. She learned that herstress harmed not only herhealth, it affected Steve. Whenshe was stressed, so was he.Things have actually gotten

better, she said. You can givein and collapse and let it killyou or you can deal with it.

AGING WOMEN SHOULD UNDERSTAND RECOMMENDED

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Women should consult with their pharmacist orhealthcare provider before using a calcium supplement.Calcium can decrease the absorption of somedrugs in certain medications. Excessive calciumconsumption can also lead to impaired kid-ney function or reduced absorption ofother essential minerals.

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