Verily Magazine _ Less of Who You Should Be, More of Who You Are

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Monica Lewinsky and our Culture of Humiliation

By Mary Rose Somarribaon Jun 6, 2014 with 2 Comments

Art Credit: via The Incredible Tide

Where are the feminists when it comes to Monica Lewinsky?

This question has lingered in my mind for years. Looking past all the politics, I always felt a sadness on her behalf, as a woman. What a mess, what afall, and what a hard thing to snap back from.

Some may wonder where my sympathy for Monica Lewinsky could come from. She made some huge mistakes, and shouldnt we look down onthem? Sure, Im all for looking down on actions like interoffice infidelity, but Im talking about the person. Should we tar and feather them and destrotheir name so they can never have a future? Because thats basically what we did with Lewinsky.
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Unlike Bill Clinton, Monicas name is ruined forever. Mocking her has become so mainstream that no one blinked when Beyonc used her name as averb to describe ejaculation in one of her recent dirtier songs Partition. At least no one that I know of or read. Perhaps I am alone, but Beyoncslyrical swipe caused me to feel a wave of Monica pity all over again. And I thought Beyonc was feminist? I can imagine someone saying, Oh cmonits Monica Lewinsky. Whats one more run of her name through the mud? To which I say, whats one more punch when the referee has alreadycalled the match?

These questions all resurfaced with the June issue of Vanity Fairfeatur ing the article Shame and Survivalby Lewinsky.

In it, she opens up about her challenges to move on over the many years since her scandal (in addition to offering a witty response to Beyonc). Ihave to say, bravo to Vanity Fairfor publishing it.

First, it is admirable to see Lewinsky candidly admitting her mistakes. As she describes it, My public humiliation had been the result of myinvolvement with a world-renowned public figurethat is, a consequence of my own poor choices. She expands further in the piece: I, myself,

deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.

I was too youngto understand the real-life consequences.I look back now, shake my head in disbelief, and wonder: What was Iwhat were wethinking? I woulgive anything to go back and rewind the tape.

In admitting her mistakes, Lewinskys piece does something new. She could have simply joined the anti-shaming brigades which seem to sayanything a woman does is excusable, but she doesnt. Instead she admits her faults while plainly showing how her public punishment did not fit thecrime.

And, after reading it, its hard not to be convinced that Lewinsky wrote this not to defend herselfbut to help others who suffer from overwhelmingpublic humiliation:

I waspossibly the first person whose global humiliation was dr iven by the Internet.No one, it seems, can escape the unforgiving gaze of theInternet, where gossip, half-truths, and lies take root and fester. We have created, to borrow a term from historian Nicolaus Mills, a culture ofhumiliation that not only encourages and revels in Schadenfreude but also rewards those who humiliate others.We may not have become acrueler societyalthough it sure feels as if we havebut the Internet has seismically shifted the tone of our interactions. The ease, the speed, and thdistance that our electronic devices afford us can also make us colder, more glib, and less concerned about the consequences of our pranks andprejudice. Having lived humiliation in the most intimate possible way, I marvel at how willingly we have all signed on to this new way of being.

Lewinsky explains her epiphany came after she was talking with her mom about the suicide of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi. I wished I had beenable to say to him that I knew a little of how it might have felt for him to be exposed before the world. And, as hard as it is to imagine surviving it, it ispossible.My own suffering took on a different meaning. Perhaps by sharing my story, I reasoned, I might be able to help others in their darkestmoments of humiliation.

Shes onto something that in my view should be of grave interest to feminists. Viral humiliation has devastating effects on every victim it touches, buit seems to bring especially high costs to girls and women. Consider, for instance, that school girls who are (often unknowingly) recorded on filmpartaking in sexual acts face social suicide while their male counterparts gain an ego boost.

Can we change our culture if it punishes women more than men for the same crimes? Maybe not as a whole. But thought-provoking pieces like thisone by Monica Lewinsky should bring us pause, if not point us in a good direction.

Photo via Tumblr

By: Mary Rose Somarriba

Mary Rose is the Executive Editor and Culture Editor for Verily Magazine with years of experience in magazine publishing. She has wr itten articlesand organized events on womens issues for several publications and organizations. Among her favorite things in life are Latin dancing, karaoke, anda Basil Hayden manhattan on the rocks.

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2 Comments

1. Janice Lawrencesays:June 6, 2014 at 12:40 pm

Excellent and thought provoking. Thank you for this challenging piece.

Reply2. nikkisays:

June 10, 2014 at 2:13 am

Fascinating article and well-timed for me personally after watching season 1 if Scandal. I empathize a lot and commend Monica for her braverin writing such a piece. Thank you for such an interesting and thought provoking piece.

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